Erin is walking, more so waddling, to the receptionist desk, hand digging around the inside of her purse in search of her wallet in order to withdraw her health insurance card from it. A part of her starts to think that maybe she left her wallet at home, or maybe she forgot to put it in her purse after switching purses to fit the season, but when her hand suddenly brushes against the fabric of it, she sighs in relief and pulls it out, "Appointment for Erin Lindsay," she hands over her medical card and then her license as she's checked in and once the receptionist hands it back and waves her off, she turns to head towards the waiting room. Her attention is drawn back to her bag, searching around this time with her hand and her sight for the wallet she just placed back inside moments ago. She should have just kept it out until she put her cards away but she only has two hands and one was currently holding her water bottle so it was already hard to maneuver opening and holding a wallet. She isn't paying attention to where she's going but she's been here so many times in the last seven months that the path is practically second nature to her, "Erin, over here."
She looks up the minute she hears her name being called and the surprise on her face at the appearance of Jay sitting in the plastic chair has her feet coming to an abrupt stop. Her hand finds the wallet and she pulls her eyes away from him to put her cards back into their designated slots before dropping the wallet back inside of her purse and cautiously walking over to him, "Hey," she whispers, moving her purse to the front of her as she takes a seat beside him, "What are you doing here?" She uncaps her water bottle and takes a swig before setting it down next to her feet.
"It's our next doctor's appointment," he replies while his face morphs into confusion at the question he knew she already had the answer to, at least in the way he interpreted it.
"I know that," the tips of her fingers move to press against the side of her lower belly, rubbing against the tightening feeling she has going across her stomach, "I just mean," her face converts to a look of pain, -Braxton hicks contractions, something her doctor eased her mind about at her last appointment, "you're here before me. That never happens."
"It's a first time for everything," Now he's reaching his hand out, rubbing against her stomach, hoping that it'll contribute to relieving her of some of the Braxton Hicks discomfort.
And if it wasn't for the fact that she hates her body right now, hates the fact that she's months into her pregnancy and still has a couple left and hates the fact that these symptoms have been attacking her at full force ever since she entered into her third trimester then she probably would have noticed the way he was looking at her, his kind eyes full of so much intense passion, his lips tilting up into a small smile, and the way the tips of his ears start to turn red. Erin hasn't been feeling well; she'd just gotten over a cold brought to her by a weak immune system that was directly caused from her lack of sleep. And that lack of sleep was caused by the discomfort that's apparently apart of pregnancy and the wheels in her mind constantly turning, ruminating about her parents, about Abby and about Jay for the last two weeks since the big blow up happened. She's 35 weeks pregnant, her parents found out when she was just entering into her 33rd week of pregnancy and while all of these months of her pregnancy had flown by at such a rapid rate, these last two weeks tiptoed by so slowly. It was torture because she still had to go to work because she doesn't start her maternity leave for another few weeks and then she had rarely saw and spoke to Jay. Despite all she's currently experiencing symptomatic wise, it was the last two weeks that were the hardest.
"What made you come here so early?" Erin lifts her water bottle and takes another sip, leaving him to continue rubbing and pressing his fingers across her stomach.
And he simply shrugs his shoulders, "I'm off from work, it's not like I have a job to take up my time, I figured I might as well get here early."
"You've been off from work in the past," and now she's turning her body to face him, knees brushing against his, providing him more access to her stomach, "yet this is the only time you've beat me to an appointment."
"I needed to get out of the apartment."
Erin doesn't probe for the reason why because she knows that he'll eventually offer it up and seconds after he spoke, he's already speaking again, "I'm going to tell you something but you can't get pissed," that isn't a fair thing to ask of her so she stays silent, she doesn't agree to it and she lets him interpret her silence as agreement, "I left out earlier than usual because of Abby," he reaches his hand up to press it against her face and he shouldn't be touching her like this, sending mixed signals when he's supposedly in a relationship, "she uh," patiently Erin waits, holding her breath and staring into the green eyes that she hopes her daughter inherits, "you uh," and now she reaches her own hand out, caressing it against his face, thumb tracing the outline of his bottom lip.
"I don't know what's going on but just tell me. I won't be mad at you."
He turns his head and her eyes shut the moment she feels his lips press against the thumb she was using to brush against his bottom lip, "You might have been right," he feels her hand still against his face, "I'm not 100% sure you were wrong…about Abby I mean," and that causes Erin to reopen her eyes, "She knew your dad didn't know, she says she thought we eventually told him, but I don't know what to believe if I'm being honest. She was never like this in Wisconsin, or at least, I don't think she was, maybe I'm blind when it comes to her, I don't know," His shoulders slump upon feeling her hand pull away from his face, "but I found out the night it all went down and I haven't spoken to her until today. We got into a huge argument because she just keeps making excuses and I stormed out, had nowhere to go so I came here, I've been here for over an hour."
Jay doesn't even realize that his hand is no longer resting against the side of her face, instead, it's intertwined with his other hand and draped across his lap. He isn't even looking at her; he's too busy in his mind, reflecting on all of the decisions he's made that has led him to this moment. He didn't break up with her, even though that would have been the perfect opportunity to do so, but he didn't do it and he honestly doesn't know why. Maybe it was her desperate plea from the other side of his bedroom door? Maybe it was the threat of harm to her body if he left? Maybe it was because she told him her therapist advises her against being alone in these crucial moments of trying to better herself? He doesn't know what it is and why he didn't go through with it when she caused for him to lose one of the few things that matters to him the most. Maybe it's because he figured that his sergeant would have fired him regardless of when he found out, where he found out and who told him. Or maybe he thought this was something he deserved, after hurting her so many times, this was his karma? He doesn't know what it is, or why he didn't leave, but he does have a few guesses that he prefers to avoid thinking about at the moment.
"…and what did you do about it?"
"I said a few things, ignored her and then went to bed," and based on the look on Erin's face, he could tell that she wasn't happy with his answer, "What did you expect me to do about it?"
"I don't know. Curse her out? Break up with her? Move out? Something more than what you did."
She makes it sound so easy, so simple, "Just the thought of me leaving makes her depressed, makes her want to kill herself. How am I supposed to leave someone like that?"
"You just do it, it's as simple as that, trust me, you want to pay attention to the signs of a toxic partner and get away as soon as possible," she retorts, "And if you don't then what's your plan here? Get married? Stay with her forever? Be happily manipulated by her? Live happily ever after raising my baby and having a few of your own together? What's your end goal?"
"I'm not being manipulated. And is it so wrong to just want everyone to be happy?"
"…yes," she nods in the affirmative, "when it's at the expense of your own happiness," she bluntly states, leaving little room for a rebuttal, "that woman purposely told my dad that you were the father of my baby to get back at the both of us. She overstepped, big time, and if there was any chance of us ever becoming friends or at least cordial acquaintances, it went out the window the second she didn't mind the business that pays her. She wanted you to get fired," and even though Jay didn't tell Erin all of the details of what Abby admitted, she hit the nail on the head in all of her assumptions, "for a woman that is so damn adamant about how much she apparently loves you, she sure doesn't act like it," her anger twists and turns in her gut, she wants to be more upset, more pissed off but the object of that emotion isn't here and she doesn't want to take it out on the wrong person, "I'm not mad at you, I actually feel bad for you, Jay, because you deserve better than that. I see why you cheated because if I was stuck at home with someone like that you can bet your ass, I'd find attention elsewhere too." The damn Braxton Hicks contractions were back so she reaches to grab her water bottle, takes two gulps and then brings her hands to her stomach, opening her legs and leaning forward, taking in deep breaths before slowly releasing them.
He doesn't know if him providing her some type of comfort will be accepted but based on the discomfort clearly painted on her face, he didn't care. He moved his chair closer and set his hand upon her back, rubbing slow circles into her spine in the hopes that it'll help. It doesn't but it's the thought that counts. She sits back up and then leans her head back until it's resting against the wall behind her, "You could have come to my place," she whispered and he's surprised to find that she has somewhat calmed down and that she had redirected the conversation to respond to his other statement about storming out and waiting here for over an hour, "you have a key for a reason."
"I thought you gave me the key to bring baby stuff over and to put furniture together."
She doesn't smile, she merely rolls her eyes, "That was at the bonfire, over a month ago and so much has changed between us since then," his eyes flicker up to meet hers, "and I'm not just talking about what we did behind my car, I'm talking about our friendship. You're not a stranger to me anymore, Jay, you're a friend. We know so much about each other, not just surface level shit of what we look like naked, I mean we know about each other's family and friends, we root for the same sports teams, eat some of the same food unless a craving of mine kicks in, listen to similar music genres and on top of all of that, you've met my dog. Not everyone meets my dog."
"I didn't want to intrude. This was between me and Abby and we argue so much that it wouldn't be fair to you if I drop by every single time I need to get away from her."
"If you argue with her so much, why are you still with her?"
"It's complicated."
"It doesn't have to be," she asserts, reaching for her water bottle, "trust me Jay, I've been in the definition of a complicated relationship," she screws the cap back on to her bottle, "I understand more than anyone how some relationships aren't easy to leave," her eyes fall to the scars and his eyes follow, "I get it," she traces one of the scars with the tip of her finger, "but if she doesn't pose any harm to you or your loved ones then leaving isn't complicated at all."
He doesn't ask even though he's dying to know. Instead, he watches her eyes reflect a memory that she struggles to suppress, a memory that unbeknownst to him has only been shared to the NYPD, the NY justice system and the jury in the courtroom. And that memory, whatever she's rehashing in her mind, it freezes her body and catches her breath. She's here physically but mentally she's somewhere else and despite initially not asking, he doesn't think he can bite his tongue anymore. He needs to know.
"What happened to you?" it comes out in the ghost of a whisper because whatever memory that just went through her mind sent her back to a time where she wasn't the Erin he currently knows today.
"It's not important," she brushes it off and turns her body to face forward, "it's honestly not."
"Based on the look on your face as you thought about it and based on how you were looking at the scars on your wrist, it is important and I do care about you and I want to know about you too."
"…then ask me for my favorite color or for my favorite television show or maybe my favorite book, it's so many things you can get to know about me that doesn't call for me to relive a moment in my life that I try to forget and decisions I've made that I desperately regret."
He reaches for her hand, turning it over so her palm faces upwards and her body freezes, tension rolling over her shoulders when she feels his fingers lightly trace the scars, "I know all of that stuff," it's been mentioned in brief conversations they've had in the past, "I don't want to force you though," he noticed the mist filling her eyes and it shocks him to his core, he's never seen her like this but he's never brought this topic up before, "I'm sorry."
Erin watches his fingers brush against the scar, so deep and pronounced that she had to wear long-sleeves for so long until she felt comfortable enough to show them to the world, "It's honestly nothing against you, my own parents and best friend don't even know all of the details," she takes a breath, blinking rapidly to get rid of the tears overwhelming her eyes.
"…then tell me what they know, even if they only know the gist without details, I want to know."
"In the middle of the waiting room," she scoffed, looking around at all of the couples, none of which are paying any attention to them, "while waiting to be called for our prenatal appointment."
"I just- I just want to know the cause for that haunted look in your eyes. I see the scars, I see the way you look at them, the way you touch them. Were you cutting yourself?"
She looks up at him, one lone tear escaping her eye and trailing down her cheek, "I didn't do this to myself. When I was living in New York, I lived alone, it was before I got Milo and a few guys broke into my house, I walked in while they were in the middle of robbing my place."
"…and then what happened?" Every part of him was afraid to ask.
"They tried to hurt me," she spits and then frowns at the last part, "they didn't even take anything with them. I mean, they broke into my place, I get home and it spooks them and then they panic, try to hurt me, I fight them as good as I can and then they leave. And I think they only left because they thought I was dead. They were scared that they accidentally killed me. They could have just run out, leaving me unharmed but they didn't and now I'm stuck with these scars, the ones you can see and the ones you can't."
"…maybe it's a good thing they left right after instead of staying any longer than they needed to rob your place blind? The sooner you got away from them then the better."
Erin sits back in her seat, withdrawing her hand from his hold to take a look at the faded scar herself, it's ugly, so ugly and jagged, it's always been like that and if the cut was a half an inch deeper, she would have bled out in just a few minutes, "I would probably be more inclined to agree with you if the time I was with them hadn't felt like an eternity."
She rises to her feet because the nurse chose that moment to interrupt them. And he moves like a sleep walker, only his eyes are open. He follows behind her, the conversation between her and the nurse is faded as they go through the routine check-up before being taken into the exam room. He still hasn't said a word as he processes the information he practically begged to hear yet he doesn't even know all of the details, he only knows the same story she's told her parents. That must have been the longest experience of her entire life and he doesn't even know the specific details of what happened during it, but based on the scars, the haunted look that clouds her eyes when the memory entered her mind and the story behind why she got Milo, he's scared to know all of the details. He couldn't imagine how frightening and absolutely terrifying that would be for anyone. It felt like an eternity, his mind keeps replaying that bit of info, an eternity, who hurts a human being like that? It was probably as close to torture as it could get and even though she's calmed down and settled on the exam table, he couldn't help but to say, "Please tell me the assholes responsible are locked away."
"They're in prison, well the ones that actually physically hurt me are."
He doesn't know what that means and based on the look on her face, he knows not to ask.
Jay still manages to release a relieved sigh because he was afraid of what he'd be tempted to do if that wasn't the answer he was given, "And your ex-boyfriend? Is that why the two of you broke up?"
"No we broke up before that but it definitely played a part in why I didn't stay with him or officially get back together with him," there's another look that takes over her face, it looks just as haunted as the previous one. For someone who has her shit together, he's definitely intrigued on how she got to this point, this ability to be strong, to be assertive and confident when she's been through something so traumatic, "I went two and a half days without sleeping because every time I closed my eyes, I would be back on that floor. I would be crying. I would be hurting. I would be in excruciating pain. I was scared to sleep because I knew what awaited me every time I closed my eyes. I drank so much coffee and energy drinks to stay awake and I did, for a little over two days, and then it got dangerous. I couldn't concentrate. I could barely work. I couldn't hold conversations for long periods of time and then the microsleeps started where I would doze off for a minute or two like my mind would literally check out in the middle of me doing something. Microsleeps are uncontrollably intense. It happened once when I was taking a walk to clear my head. I almost got hit by a bike because of it. It happened when I was at work, staring at my computer screen. My ex and I had been broken up for about a year then but after I got hurt, he came running to my bedside and I think I was so traumatized that I actually considered taking him back but, what's that saying, a leopard can't change its spots, that's him. He always had a way of making me feel like I wasn't good enough."
"I don't know all the details but it sounds like he was an asshole."
"By definition," she cast a faraway look off into the room, "and you don't know half of what went down in our relationship but after I broke up with him and the attack happened, he stayed with me for a bit because I was scared to be alone in my own place," Jay is the first person outside of law enforcement she's told that to, "I didn't care about how he made me feel because I thought as long as I'm safe then it's worth it. But, he wasn't a good guy, he was controlling and manipulative and he didn't know how to help me with my mental state, with the microsleeps and then I passed out one day, hit my head."
"…and then what happened?" He reaches to take her hand, hoping that it offers some form of comfort. Without even thinking about it, he brings it up to his mouth and presses his lips against her knuckles.
"I was back in the hospital with a concussion and I realized I needed to get a grip on my life. You can say hitting my head kind of knocked some sense into me," she gives an ironic chuckle at the thought of that, "Those men had been in control long enough. My ex had been in control long enough. And then when I found out what he..." she stops talking, "nevermind, but I started to get help and the help that I got not only helped me with processing the robbery, but it helped me realize that I deserve better than the man who claimed to love me. And that's what I want you to realize too Jay, that you deserve better than her, much better."
"…but what else did he do? I can tell you're leaving a lot out."
"You're really nosey," she cracks a smile to lighten the mood, "you know that?"
"I'm a cop," he reflects on those words before correcting himself, "I was a cop. It's second nature."
And that was her way of trying to get around answering his question. Jay notices the pleading look in her eyes, she doesn't have to verbally ask, her eyes ask for her, she wants him to stop probing, she's practically begging for it. If he opens a wound that he can't close, it might set her back. She's made so much progress since the incident and the therapist that has helped her along the way is in New York while she's in Chicago. She can't go back down that road. She can't do it to herself and he wouldn't do it to her either so he simply nods his head and brings her hand back to his lips, "Tell me about some of your favorite childhood memories." And she's relieved by the sudden change in conversation and she fills the walls of the exam room with laughter as she recalls tales of her childhood, of being raised by the Voights after they adopted her until the doctor walks into the room, greeting the two of them with such familiarity that it reminds her of just how often she's been having prenatal appointments.
"How does it feel to officially be 35 weeks pregnant," the doctor asks as he takes a seat on his stool and wheels it closer, "about five more weeks left in your pregnancy if you can believe it, more than half way to the finish line," he turns on the machine and then logs in to the computer.
"I forgot how it feels not to be pregnant," she admits. Jay is still holding her hand and she makes no move to pull away. She uses her free hand to roll up her shirt, knowing from her last appointment that in this one her doctor wants to check and hear for baby girl's heartbeat, "and as for how it feels, it's rough. Besides the constant urge to pee, the Braxton Hicks contractions and the pain in my lower back, it hasn't been too bad. I've heard it could be worse."
As the machine is prepped, the doctor begins to explain the fetal development and Jay stands from the chair in amazement, his eyes focused on her belly, staring so intently as he hangs onto every word the doctor speaks, "her hearing is now fully developed so she's listening to familiarize herself with mom and dad's voice," he smiles upon hearing himself referred to as dad, he's going to like that, "while you're here I also want to go over signs of labor just in case," he rises to his feet and presses the tips of his fingers to different areas on her stomach while speaking, "after this week, no flying to travel, I'm officially grounding you," she smirks.
"…fortunately I have nowhere to go."
"How active is baby?"
"…way too active, kicking me constantly and I think she's using my bladder as a trampoline."
The doctor smiles, "I'm going to need you to take off your shoes and socks. I want to look at those feet. I made a comment about it in my notes at your last appointment. I just want to make sure they haven't swelled anymore," and before Erin is able to get up to follow his instruction, Jay is doing it for her, his hands moving so delicately as he slides off one shoe and then the other, "I'm going to make another note in your records because I want to watch it more carefully. If your feet get any bigger than that then I want you to come in. Do you stand for long periods of time?"
"No," he nods and goes over to the computer to enter that information into the database.
"It's only going to get hotter outside and that can affect swelling too so I want you to minimize your outdoor time," her dog immediately comes to mind at the doctor's suggestion, "I also want you to keep resting with your feet elevated, wear comfortable shoes, no clothes that are too tight around the ankles, get a cold compress for the swollen areas and drink more water." Erin's listening and she knows Jay is too, he's creating a mental note in his head and she rolls her eyes because he's about to become her full-time babysitter.
The doctor begins to set up the machine in order for them to hear the baby's heartbeat. It's been something the two of them were looking forward to and now that it's here, it just feels so surreal. She listens to him detail the signs of labor but all she wants to do is listen to the heartbeat, she's mentally counting down the seconds once the probe is on her stomach and he's moving it around in search of the baby, "There she is," he smiles and looks from the monitor to the parents, "do you hear that," he whispers his question before turning the volume up. It's so strong and the doctor is so satisfied by the way it sounds, -it's a nice, healthy heartbeat, "You're doing amazing, Erin."
Every time Jay gets to hear that beat, that thump, it always becomes so much more real, it's so reassuring and it reminds him that Erin isn't just in his life as a friend, she's in his life, forming this life within her own body. It's a magical feeling, something that only other parents will be able to understand. It's one solid, strong heartbeat. She's there and she wants her parents to know that she's healthy and she's growing. The sound resembled water sloshing around in a bucket, but it was a sound that was truly music to his hears, it's one he wouldn't mind playing through the speakers in his car. He's heard the heartbeat before but this time it felt different, maybe because Erin is so close to her due date, or maybe it's because they finally know the gender, it could be a variety of reasons but whatever it is, he's appreciative of it because he's even more enamored by the sound than he was the first time, "I want to record it," the doctor looks over and nods his head to grant him permission to do just that and while he wasn't actually asking for the doctor's permission, he didn't mind having it. He wanted Erin's permission, "Of course."
And once he gets it, he pulls out his phone and moves closer to the machine, pressing the record button on the voice app and holding his breath as the seconds count up. He doesn't know what he's going to do with it but he needs it. It's like therapy, it's comforting. All of his stress and worries wash away in this second just because he can hear her heartbeat, it's beating so strong, his daughter is reassuring him and she's not even here yet. He ends the recording after thirty seconds and then pockets his phone, maybe he'll save it to a hard drive or put it inside of a teddy bear, he's heard about parents doing that and while a year ago he might have judged the idea of that but he's grown since then, so much has changed since then and it's actually not much of a bad idea.
The baby isn't even here yet and he already feels like his life is linking to hers, he already feels attached, which is weird considering how he felt about her months ago. Standing in the exam room now, listening as the doctor cuts off the machine and hands Erin a napkin to wipe her stomach, he can't fathom the dark thoughts that plagued his mind when he first found out about her pregnancy. It's hard to imagine that at one point in his life he actually regretted this, he actually contemplated walking away, a part of him even wanted Erin to not have the baby. What was he thinking? She might not have been planned but she's coming and he's actually ready for it. He wants her, he loves her more than any person he's ever encountered in his life, both alive and deceased, and it's scary to think about, it's scary to love someone that much because with love comes loss. She'll grow inside of the womb and outside of her, her mother nesting her currently in the warm incubator that is her stomach and her mother and father will nest her the second she's in their world.
Jay releases a breath that he'd been holding longer than his body could handle. The day their daughter was conceived, he didn't know Erin from the next stranger and she didn't know him yet they created something -someone- that night that their entire worlds will surround, someone that'll hold every corner and curve of their heart and that alone is magical, it's powerful in thought, two people who have never seen or met each other, meet one night, no names shared, no identifying information given, and a night of passion follows that leaves her pregnant and running into him weeks later. It's truly extraordinary and when he thinks about fate, he knows their little girl was fated to be here. She was destined to exist.
"…and what about you, Mr. Halstead?" He blinks out of his reverie, clearing his vision and looking over to the doctor, "Do you have any questions?" He must have missed a lot because both of them are staring at him and her feet are dropped from the stirrups, "I'm just finishing up this test here. I answered all of Erin's questions, I just want to make sure you don't have any of your own." He caps the swab he just used, sticks on the label and then removes his gloves.
"I do actually," he looks away along with the doctor as Erin made herself decent, pulling her shirt down her stomach and readjusting her pants, "how big is she?" The doctor smiles, knowing this is their tradition, "As big as a pineapple." And continuing the same tradition after every appointment, he withdraws his phone and searches for a photo, holding the image up to Erin so they can accurately picture the size of their baby. No causes of concern were raised during their appointment. Baby Halstead, as he thinks he'll start to call her, at least until they've chosen a name, is growing as expected. She's a healthy baby girl currently weighing at her expected weight, at the right length, the right width and at the right stage of development.
Erin swung her legs off the table and with Jay's help she hops down, holding an updated ultrasound photo that she couldn't take her eyes off of; it's amazing just how detailed the picture appears to their eyes. Her little nose, her lips are puckered, her shut eyes, every little detail stands out and Erin refuses to draw her eyes away until she memorizes this photo from corner to corner, "Hey," she hears Jay's whispered voice the second a tear falls off her face and lands on the picture. Her vision is blurry and when her tears threaten to fall onto the picture again, she hands it over to him, "Are you okay?" He already has a copy but he doesn't mind holding hers.
Her emotions are lodged in her throat and she stepped closer when he opened his arms up for her, enveloping her in his embrace and tightening them around her when she pressed her face into his chest, "We can see her little hand," Erin whispers into his chest, "and her lips and an ear and…and," she hiccups, "and she's sleeping."
She took the initiative to end the hug only by taking a small step back, not even putting an inch of distance between the two of them, "We're almost at the finish line," he tells her with such a big, cheesy grin on his face as his palms fall to the sides of her stomach, "We're so close to seeing what she looks like, I hope she has your dimples."
Erin attempts to blink away the tears but it only causes them to fall, "I hope she has your eyes."
"It's going to be amazing to see what our DNA created," he throws his arm around her shoulders and leads her out of the exam room, "I do hope she looks more like you though. I don't think I'd make a pretty girl," that draws a chuckle out of her, one that she appreciates after having such a stressful -both physically and mentally- day. She needed that laugh.
Erin and Jay move to the reception desk, standing in front of it and waiting for the nurse to come so they can schedule her next appointment. It's going to be weird when she no longer has prenatal appointments. She's been coming to these so often that they're basically a part of her routine now.
"Oop," she startles when she feels a sudden kick. Her hand automatically flies to the area and she casts a glare in Jay's direction, "your daughter is making her presence known."
"Now that we know she can hear us, she must be reacting to my voice. She probably thought my joke was funny," and that earns an eye roll, "her dad's a comedian."
"I wouldn't go so far as to say that."
"…and her mom's apparently a hater."
The back of her hand comes flying and hits his chest. This time, it's him laughing, all while reaching out to rub her stomach, feeling around for where their daughter was kicking since Erin didn't take his hand like she usually does and direct it towards the assaulted area. She leans forward against the desk, his hand still on her stomach after finding the area, and she speaks with the nurse, discussing the dates available for her to choose from for her next appointment while taking the print out on remedies and directions to take care of her swollen feet and the risks and warning signs she should look out for in the next couple of weeks.
"Mind if I make a copy of that?" He asks the second she turns around and practically slams into his chest; he'd been standing so close to her since he was rubbing her stomach.
"…and why do you need a copy?" She squints, eyeing him suspiciously.
And he shrugs before slipping the paper from her grip, "…because you're going to need someone to remind you of practically everything on this list," she rolls her eyes, "I didn't hear you deny it."
"That's only because-"
"Jay," she immediately stops talking after hearing his name being called out by that voice. She's here, at Erin's doctor's office, for a reason unknown to the both of them. Neither one of them know how long she'd been here, standing there, watching them. Abby saw the flirting, saw the way he made her laugh, the way he touched her stomach and the way she was flushed against his chest after bumping into him. She tries to ignore it but it's practically impossible, "Can we talk?"
Jay is still facing Erin, although her head was turned and her eyes were focused on Abby. She didn't look happy and no one could blame her. He's actually surprised she didn't say anything and maybe that's because she doesn't have anything to say to her or she doesn't want to speak with her, whatever it is, he's just happy that the chances of an argument is not likely to happen with them not talking to each other. He steps away from Erin, still holding the directions in his hand and turns to face his girlfriend, "What are you doing here? How did you even know I would be here?"
"I came here to talk to you."
"You failed to answer my second question."
"I followed you here," she admits glumly, eyes focused on the tiled floor because she's afraid of how he'll react, "I sat in my car, working up the courage to come inside." She looks up from him and then briefly averts her eyes towards Erin, "I also want to apologize to you for my role in telling your dad about the paternity of your baby. It wasn't my place to say anything."
It isn't genuine, Erin can see that, so she doesn't bother responding. She knows if she verbally says that it's unaccepted, she'll look like the bad guy so she simply says nothing. All she does is turn to face Jay, "Walk me to my car?" He nods, his hand falling to her back to direct her towards the exit, "Thanks, Jay. And I'll be sure to text you the next appointment reminder."
Silently, Abby follows, eyes glaring at his opened palm spread out on Erin's back. It's a harmless, innocent touch, but it's a touch and she doesn't like that. She tries and struggles to keep the pout painted on her face, her eye twitches as a result of it, of the strain and the fingers on her left hand start to tap in a rhythmic pattern against her thigh, "Don't forget the baby shower is in a few weeks, I want you to come. It's at my place, not Kim's apartment."
"Will there be food?"
Erin smiles, and Abby hates to see it, "Does the answer determine whether or not you'll show?"
"…maybe."
"Yes Jay, there will be food there, but most importantly, your baby will be there too."
Abby scoffs. She knows what Erin's doing, she knows the games that she's playing and she won't win. Abby thinks Erin is trying to get back at her, but this is a battle that she doesn't want to start, it's one that she'll lose if she even attempts to enter the ring. And Jay, he's just trying to make her jealous, he's using Erin, "I know you're trying to teach me a lesson by flirting with her."
"We're not doing this today Abby," Jay mutters and soon enough they reach Erin's car. As she unlocks the door, Jay has his hand on the handle, opening it once he hears the unlock sound. Abby stares at the car, memorizing the color, the design, the year, the model and finally the license plate as he carefully helps her get inside, he's treating her like a porcelain doll, like she'll break at any given moment and Abby wants to puke, "don't forget to send me a copy of that," he reminds her, leaning against her opened driver's side door as she buckles up, "I'm going to worry you about it."
"I know you won't let me forget. Between you and Kim, you guys might as well make a schedule and write down whatever shift you're working. It's ridiculous. I'm an adult."
He smiles at her and Abby scrunches up her face while crossing her arms so tightly across her chest that she feels the stretch and grip, "Jay," she can't see his face but she notices that his shoulders tense up, "please. Look at me, yell at me, do something just don't ignore me and don't let her come between us. That's all she's trying to do."
"How insecure can you get?" Erin exclaims. Jay pinches the bridge of his nose and whispers for Erin to not get involved, and she desperately tried not to, but her patience isn't as strong as his is and Abby's been testing it ever since the day they met.
"I'm not insecure," it comes out like a whine, petulant and irritable.
"You are," Erin retorts back, "otherwise you wouldn't have your boyfriend on such a tight leash. I mean, god woman, he's here at his baby's prenatal appointment and your ass shows up as if you were invited. He's mad at you, you must be blind if you can't see that. He's not talking to you right now and trying to force him to have a conversation with you before he's ready to have it is only going to hurt your relationship."
"You don't know anything about our relationship. I wish you'd stop acting like you did. I wish you'd stop interfering in things that have nothing to do with you."
"Wait, are you seriously accusing me of getting involved in someone else's business?" And when Abby nods, Erin shakes her head slowly in disbelief, "Talking to you is like talking to a wall," she turns away from her and turns her key to start the ignition, "you don't listen. Jay is just being nice, he isn't flirting, he isn't making passes at me, he's being nice, he's helping me because he cares," Erin rolls her eyes; he might flirt occasionally but he wouldn't do that in front of Abby, "you played a hand in costing him his job. You overstepped to a degree that I'll never forgive and I doubt you even want my forgiveness but I know you want his and he's still angry, rightfully so, so just give him a fucking break, be patient and stop trying to force him to have a conversation he doesn't want to have right now," she slams the door, backs out of her parking spot and pulls off.
Jay watches the back of her car until it disappears down the street. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his car keys, twirling them around his finger as he starts to walk in the direction of his car, "Hey," Abby calls out, jogging to catch up to him, "are you really not going to talk to me?"
"We're roommates," hearing him call their relationship that kind of stings, "of course I'll have to talk to you eventually, but eventually isn't today. Leave me alone Abby." She stops walking and is forced to watch him go. She doesn't know what to do. She feels like she's losing him. He's slipping away from her and is slowly moving closer and closer to Erin and Abby has to think about a way to make all of this stop, she has to do something, she needs to act quick. She's now forced to watch him drive off the same way he just watched Erin and it pains her to notice the way he looked at Erin with eyes that have never held the same emotion when looking at her.
"Ugh," she screams aloud and pounds her fist down onto the hood of her car. She doesn't know what to do. She has to do something. And she will. She refuses to lose him. She'll never lose him.
And while Abby throws a temper tantrum in the parking lot and Jay stops for lunch, Erin is stepping out of the elevator to notice her mother knocking at her front door. Camille's forehead is pressed against the door and she's calling her daughter's name, practically apologizing and begging to be let inside. Every part of her wants to turn around and run back into the elevator but the doors had already shut and her mother is already looking over at her, "I know you're upset sweetheart."
"You don't know that," Erin is already on guard. She's already playing defense even though her mother doesn't mean her any harm and isn't here to start any arguments.
Camille pouts, taking slow steps towards her daughter, "You look so unapproachable though."
"And yet, here you are, approaching me."
"I guess I should have called first but I thought you probably wouldn't answer it."
"You thought right," Erin looks down into her purse for two reasons: to search for her car keys and to avoid her mother's gaze. She's glad to see her mother is alone, but a small part of her is sad about it too. Her dad didn't come and it's probably because he doesn't regret his reaction to the entire thing. Her mother on the other hand, is a different story, Erin knew she'd have a change of heart and mind once the threat of not seeing her granddaughter was made, "What's that?" She asks in reference to the bags near her door and once she unlocks the front door, Milo runs up and her mother reaches to grab the bags before the dog can stick his nose in them.
"I brought a few things over for the baby."
Camille goes straight into the nursery and it's just the same as the last time she saw it but the only difference is she's looking at it through different eyes, enlightened eyes, knowing that Jay had helped put majority of the nursery together. She doesn't know what to say, she doesn't know how to initiate the apology she has at the base of her tongue so she decides to take a different route, "If it's any consolation," her mother sets the bags down onto the changing table and slowly began to unpack the folded onesies she recently bought, "Jay's very handsome."
Erin leans against the opened door of the nursery, arms crossed over her chest, "Mom…"
"…and you're beautiful," Camille opens up the box of plastic hangers and starts to add an article of clothing to each one, purposefully keeping her eyes off of her daughter, "absolutely stunning."
"Oh gosh," Erin dropped her head back, the hard shell of it slamming against the door.
"That baby is going to be drop dead gorgeous," Camille says pretty confidently as she carries over the stack of onesies hanging from the hangers she put them on and continuing her avoidance of her daughter's gaze, she begins to hang each item up one by one, "and she deserves an apology for the way I reacted to the news and you deserve one too for my silence."
And Erin wants to be mad at her, she's been angry with her for weeks for basically not standing up for her more as far as her father is concerned. She wants to feed off the anger that's been bubbling up inside of her but it's her mom and she looks so apologetic and it wouldn't hurt for Abby to take some apology classes from Camille Voight, it wouldn't hurt for her to learn how to properly give a genuine and truly meaningful apology. It didn't need to be long, it didn't need to rehash every single detail, it just needed to be sincere.
"Mom-"
"I mean it Erin, and I'm not just apologizing because I want my granddaughter in my life, I'm apologizing because I want you in it too. I already lost one child; I'm not losing my other one. I refuse to let that happen. I won't let pride or emotion get in the way and what's done is done, there's no changing the past," she moves away from the closet to approach her daughter, reaching for both of her hands and pulling her close, "I'll admit, I was hurt by the secret, I thought we were honest with each other, but I wasn't hurt enough to go on any longer without talking to you. I've been wanting to text you to remind you about taking your prenatal vitamins, and eating an extra serving of vegetables and drinking more water but I was afraid that you blocked my number so I didn't text because that would have broken my heart. I admit I should have done more and I will admit that my feelings were a bit hurt to find out in the way that I did. I hope you can accept my apology."
"Of course, mom," Erin buries her face into the crook of her mother's neck. Camille's tiny arms struggling to stretch all the way around her daughter but she says nothing about it, she simply gives it another try and what her arms can go around, she holds onto tightly, "and I would never block your number, dad is a different story though, but you, no, you know I can't stay mad at you for too long. I'll admit I should have told you as soon as I found out but we honestly didn't know how to go about it and then the more days that passed, the harder it was to do."
Camille's hand moves up and down her daughter's back, holding her, cradling her in her arms and rocking side to side like she did when she was a little girl. She presses a kiss to the side of her daughter's hair, taking in the familiar scent that she missed so much, "We'll let bygones be bygones. I'm here to focus on the future, not what happened in the past."
"Thanks mom," Erin sniffs. And she feels her mother press another kiss to her head.
"No, thank you sweetheart," she whispers, patting her daughter's back once more before their hug came to an end, "now tell me all about your appointment but I want you to get off your feet first. Go sit in the rocking chair and prop your feet up on the ottoman, I'll go get you a glass of water and some carrots to snack on out of the kitchen and then while I hang up the clothes I bought for my angel, I want to hear every detail of the appointment, don't leave anything out." Her mother was back, and while she'll soon enough go back to complaining about how overprotective and overbearing Camille Voight is, for right now, she's going to appreciate it because she did miss her mother, way more than she wanted to admit. It's good to have her back. And she wouldn't mind eventually speaking with her dad, but not now, not while Jay is still unemployed and she's still pissed at him for the way he spoke to her, the way he treated Jay and the way he embarrassed them all in front of his team. With her dad, she needs more than an apology, she needs changed behavior.