Erin sits at the edge of her bed, glaring at her digital alarm clock glowing bright red in the dawn of morning. It was early, too early for her to be awake. And she would still be asleep if not for Kim barging into her apartment an hour before they were supposed to head out for breakfast. She looks like a zombie, she knows she does, but she doesn't exist to impress Kim, she isn't here to impress anybody, especially when she's home, at the place where nobody but her pays the bills.
"It's too fucking early Kimberly," she growls; her glare shooting daggers at her best friend from across the room yet because it's so dark in her bedroom, she doubts Kim could see it, "I'm seriously beginning to question our friendship. I regret caving in and giving you a key. We agreed to breakfast at nine am, not fucking five!"
Kim, at least has the decency to look scolded. She stays a few feet away, keeping the distance just in case her friend decides to attack. It's early, Kim knows that, but she was filled with so much excitement that today is the day that Erin is going to be scheduled to be induced. They were supposed to get breakfast and then Kim was going to drop her off at her doctor's appointment and Jay was going to bring Erin home. She couldn't wait to find out when to expect her little niece and apparently her excitement has gotten out of control. All Kim could offer was an apology. One that based on the look on Erin's face, she wasn't willing to accept, at least not right away.
"Why am I up, Kim? Why are you here?"
"I woke up before my alarm."
"That's obvious," Erin retorts with a roll of her eyes, "so because you woke up before your alarm and evidently couldn't go back to sleep you decided to leave your apartment, drive here and come wake me up? Misery apparently really loves company."
"This is a big weekend Erin," Kim's voice was high pitched as she struggled to contain her excitement, "we find out Little E's birthday today and tomorrow's the holiday and your dad is going to cookout in his backyard, big things are coming. How are you not excited?"
It was the day before Independence Day and while many people in the country were planning where to watch fireworks, what parade to attend and where to go for some good ol'classic American food, she was focused on the final days of her labor. Erin lays back in her bed, shutting her eyes and ignoring Kim as she walked closer and crawled in next to her, "We're taking a nap."
Kim knew to not argue with that. She simply helps Erin get back under the covers and crawls in next to her, cuddling up to the side of her best friend and staring at the ceiling willing sleep to overcome her again. It takes longer than planned and by the time Kim does fall asleep, Erin's alarm is going off. The day before the holiday flies by at such a fast rate. Starting with breakfast then her appointment and when her induction date is set, five days from now for July eighth, it all suddenly becomes real. Whether she goes into labor or not in five days she's going to have a baby. What in the fucking world? What the fuck? She's going to be somebody's mother in at most five days.
Erin thought she was a zombie when she woke up this morning. That had nothing on the zombie feeling that took over her when she left that doctor's appointment. The rest of her day went by in such a blur. She can't remember getting home. She doesn't remember Jay taking out her trash or walking Milo or even her parents stopping by for dinner. She doesn't recall Jay letting her know he'll be spending tomorrow with Abby or what she did after everyone left her place or even simply liking the photo Julia posted of her son on social media. She remained in a zombie-like trance the entire day only breaking out of it in the wee hours of the next morning, the morning of the holiday when she felt pelvic pain and pressure. She jolts awake, sitting up so fast she nearly becomes lightheaded. Immediately her mind goes to the Braxton-Hicks contractions despite not having them in the last few days. She only assumes they're back until the change in position doesn't ease the pain. That feeling, that pain continues to come no matter what she did. And the longer she waited through them, the stronger and more frequent they arrived.
Her water hadn't broken though. And her induction date isn't for another four days. She tries to chalk this pain up to Braxton-Hicks because there is no way her kid decides to make a grand appearance at six in the morning on the Fourth of July. It's probably another false alarm. She doesn't want to go to the hospital again only to be sent away. She's not ready for more disappointment. Erin lies back in bed after cushioning her pillows. She tries to lay still and use the breathing tools she was taught in Lamaze class for the next burst of pain. It feels like cramping; her abdomen feels hard and when the seconds pass and the pain fades away, she reaches for her phone, knowing that it's best if she times them.
Erin prepares the phone timer on her phone and shuts her eyes moments later when the pain returns.
"Oh my god," she grits out, nails digging into the fabric of her comforter. The pain was all-encompassing. It would probably feel less painful if she were hit by a train. Or thrown out of a moving car. Even if this wasn't active labor, she still wanted to go to the hospital in the hopes that her doctor could do something to help her with the pain. Erin gives up on timing them and instead chooses to dial Jay's number. She put her phone on speaker and set it down the second another wave of pain hit. An excruciatingly painful feeling that started from her lower back and spread into her stomach, "Hello?" He sounds awake. He probably caught a case and was at work.
"I need," she pauses to gather her breath, "I need you to pick me up. Call my doctor."
"Is everything okay?"
Her patience is short. Her tolerance is nonexistent. She squeezes her eyes shut and waits for the pain to eventually pass before speaking again, "I'm in a lot of pain Jay. Please come pick me up."
"Did your water break?"
She blows out another breath, "No but the doctor said that may not even happen anyway." If he asked another question, she was prepared to hang up on him and drive herself. Fortunately for the both of them, he didn't. He reassured her that he was on his way and he'd call her doctor during the drive. Erin is dressed, holding her hospital bag just in case she's admitted and she's taking short, measured steps to the elevator, wanting to be outside when Jay pulls up.
Jay uses the sirens, something she didn't expect for him to do, and he gets to her in half the time she expected him to arrive. He double parks, throws on his hazard lights and jumps out to help her in. He buckles her in and races around to the driver's side, turning off his hazards and turning back on his sirens. The commute to the hospital is filled with him updating her on the call to her doctor and letting her know not to bother sending out a group text. Since he was at work, he let Voight know and he promised to take care of letting her mother and Kim know what's going on.
"I'm probably going to get really mean in that delivery room," she cautions, "please don't take anything I say to heart," she tells him ahead of time. She doesn't know what she'll say later and she hopes that covers it all. She'll still give him an apology afterwards but hopefully that's not needed.
Soon enough the pain comes back, this time it feels like pounding, like she's being punched in the stomach, the kind of punch that knocks the air out of a person. Her contractions occur at regular intervals and are starting to get closer together. They grow stronger and become more painful with each one she experiences. Erin bites her lip, nearly tearing the skin. The sun starts to rise and she casts a glance towards the time noticing it's a little past seven in the morning. It felt like a lifetime had gone by when in reality it's been only a little over an hour. Jay parks his car and helps her out, taking hold of majority of her body weight out of fear that when the next contraction hits, she may lose her balance. She leans her head back, resting it against his shoulder as she pants, "This has to be labor, Jay. The false alarm didn't feel like this. It hurts everywhere."
Fortunately, she preregistered so a lot of the paperwork is bypassed. A nurse, bless her heart, rolls up a wheelchair and locks the brakes to help her sit. They skip the ER and the nurse and Jay wheel her straight to labor and delivery. The next hour flies by in a blur. A cervical check later and she's officially admitted. The doctor at the hospital lets her know that while she is not dilated enough, her contractions seem strong and her cervix is in fact changing. She's in a hospital gown, lying on a hospital bed and hooked up to a fetal monitor so the baby's heart rate can be monitored and her contractions can be measured. She's hooked up to an IV drip to provide fluids so she doesn't get dehydrated. This is all too real. She's definitely in active labor. Even if they didn't tell her, she knew this was it. None of this happened when she came in for the false alarm.
Her doctor advised her against getting an epidural too soon. Apparently, it has the potential of slowing down her labor, stopping her labor all together if she doesn't have a Pitocin drop and even increasing her chances of needing other medical interventions which could potentially lead to her having a C-section. Erin throws her head back and suppresses the tears desperately needing to fall. She's tired but there is no way she'd be able to get a minute of sleep. She raises her phone, glancing at the time, realizing that it's almost ten in the freaking morning. Time is flying but her labor apparently isn't. She feels Jay dab a damp cloth against her sweaty forehead.
"All the advances made in the world. We've sent a man to the moon, even played golf on it. The creation of the smartphone, the invention of airplanes, the conception of some of the greatest cinematic masterpieces and even the freaking internet, but they have yet to find a way to make labor easier, a less painful way, a less intrusive way."
Erin glares at the IV drip, scowling so hard that if looks could kill that vial would have shattered instantly, "You're doing great," he brings the cloth back to her forehead, patting it, "so great."
"I've changed my mind," she grits out. The pain is back in full force, "I don't want to have a baby."
"It's a little too late for that," he chuckles.
"It only just started. I can't do this."
Soon enough the doctor comes back into the room, checking her dilation before prepping her to manually break her water. They don't show this stuff in movies. They didn't mention this at all in her Lamaze class. It feels weird when her water is eventually broken. It feels even weirder when he checks her dilation again. Erin throws her head back, face flushed as she checks her phone for the time again. It's a few minutes past eleven. It's still the fucking morning. She's been in labor for hours and based on her dilation, she has a few more hours to go, maybe, hopefully not.
"Is she out yet?" Erin throws her head side to side. She's restless.
"You're not even all the way dilated yet."
The look she gives him wipes the smirk off his face, "You are not helping."
"I'm sorry," he offers, feeling truly apologetic, "You really are doing a great job. Just hang in there. I'm here for you. Just a bit more time and we'll be meeting her soon."
She thought the contractions were bad at first; they seemed to multiply in their intensity after her water broke. If she knew this feeling was upon her, she would have never allowed the doctor to do that, -as if she had a choice but she likes to believe she did. Erin gripped the hand railing attached to the side of her bed and leaned forward, biting her lip to smother the scream she wants to let out.
Halstead could feel his phone vibrating in his pocket and just as he goes to reach it, to pull it out to see who was contacting him, she shouts his name, causing for him to jump and drop it.
"Jay," he rushes to her side when his name is called; she isn't looking at him, she's not looking at anything, her eyes are squeezed tight and her hands are squeezed into fists with her nails digging into the palm of her hands, "I…I want the epidural. Right now."
He takes a chance. He runs his hand through her hair, hoping to relax her enough to open her eyes, "The doctor said you need to be dilated a little more, just a few centimeters more."
"I don't agree with that," she says in one breath. He's forced to bite back a chuckle.
"Erin," he cautions, only for her to open her eyes and glare at him. She's covered in sweat, the hair around her forehead slicked down due to the dampness of that sweat while the rest of her hair is pulled back in what once was a tight braid. Now it's loosening up. She's nowhere ready to push yet, despite what she wants, she's not ready, "I think the doctor knows what he's talking about. If you get the epidural too soon, it'll slow down the contractions and dilation and it'll be worn off by the time you're ready to actually deliver. Just a bit longer. You got this."
"I don't care, I don't care, I want what I want and I want that damn epidural!"
"I know, I know," he responds civilly, brushing the hair off her damp forehead, "I hear you; I really do and as soon as the doctor gives the okay, you can get that epidural."
Erin looks him dead in his eyes, "I don't like you right now."
"I know you don't mean that," he grins, "I've given you a gift that compares to none," he boasts proudly despite her sour mood, "I've given you a gift that will top nothing anyone else can ever give you." He opens his mouth to continue his self-praise but he slams his lips shut when her eyes narrow and she shoots daggers with her gaze. The glare that she sends his way gives testament to the saying if looks could kill. And the only thing that manages to break her penetrating gaze is the next contraction that rips through her pelvis. She clenches her fists. Her eyes squeeze shut. And when the contraction inevitably passes, she reopens her eyes and resumes the glare.
"You made a good point," she pants, out of breath, and by the lack of tension in her shoulders, he thinks they've made peace until the glare hardens, "you're right," she says through gritted teeth as another contraction starts to hit, "this is all your fault," she manages to get out through the pain.
He didn't intend for fault to be laid at his feet but he can't be too surprised that that's where her thoughts led her. This pattern of contractions and cursing every person in the world that currently wasn't experiencing pain was on repeat for the next few hours. Jay eventually remembered to check his phone, a missed call from Abby and a few texts from Kim and Camille. Her mother was in the waiting room and Kim promised to leave work as soon as she could escape. She wanted her mother back here; she wanted Kim too. She waved Jay away to go get her mother and to retrieve her some ice chips. Her last cup of them had melted and turned to lukewarm water.
"Come on Ems," Erin used the alone time to plead with her daughter. She's going on seven hours of labor and if Emma didn't come out soon, she's going to make the world record for the youngest person ever grounded. Erin was ready for her doctor to come in and check her dilation again but at the same time she wanted to hold off, not wanting to be disappointed when he told her not yet.
Another contraction hit while she's alone in the room. It felt like someone or something kept reaching deep inside of her, clenching onto whatever organs they could find and then pulling so hard that her organs might actually come out of her body. It was going on for hours and there wasn't much progress and if Jay didn't get back to her room soon with a cup of ice chips, then she was going to separate his head from his shoulders. This is intense, it's overwhelming and excruciatingly painful; it's a feeling unlike anything she's ever experienced before and considering she's not even close to being fully dilated, she doesn't know how much longer she can take of this.
"I'm back! I got some! I got some ice!" He comes running into the room, holding up the plastic cup, "Here," he rushes to the side of her bed and holds it up to her mouth, "Slowly," he guides her, tilting the cup back and watching the cold ice melt on her tongue. She takes the cup from him and he goes to retrieve the cloth he'd been holding, disappearing into the bathroom to dampen it with more cold water before reappearing at her side, "Sorry I took so long. How are you feeling?"
"I'm not answering that."
The two braids she has going down her back are dampened with sweat and he uses the cool rag to dab against her forehead again, "Sorry, dumb question."
"Where's my mom?"
"…on our way to the room, she stopped at the restroom down the hallway."
As if she sensed her daughter's need for her, Camille came running into the room, a hospital bag of her own draped over her shoulder. She sets it down on the couch and runs over to her daughter's side, the opposite side that Jay is on. Camille takes a hold of her daughter's hand, clasping it between both of hers as she whispered praises to her, "Take it one contraction at a time baby," she spoke softly and calmly in her daughter's ear, "each one brings you closer and closer to holding your baby." She pressed a light kiss to her daughter's eyebrow. Sometimes you just need your mom more than anything, and Jay realizes that now more than ever.
"Mom, I don't think the pain is ever going to stop," she's out of breath, panting, "I think I'm going to feel this pain forever." Time was truly dragging as the hour hand moved along the clock, leading them into the eighth hour and only another half a centimeter towards being fully dilated. This was taking forever. And she wants to escape her body, escape this pain and she wants the epidural but apparently, it's too soon to get it. Something about how it might slow down her contractions and honestly with the way she's feeling, she wouldn't mind it doing just that. There's no amount of mental preparation for this, of all the books and pamphlets she's read, none accurately portrayed just how much this fucking sucks, "I want to scream so fucking loud right now."
"Sweetheart, if you do that, you're going to scare all the other mothers on the wing."
"Yeah, well, they should be scared."
Camille takes the rag from Jay and assumes his position in dabbing her forehead. By the next hour, the shorthand ticking into the late afternoon, Kim arrives, apologizing profusely for her delayed arrival. It was no worry, it's not like she's given birth in the last hour. She's still in the same pain.
"Oh," Jay whispers and all of their heads immediately snap in his direction, he's staring at one of the monitors, "this is going to be a big one, it's going to last pretty long too," and if she wasn't currently curled into the fetal position, eyes welling with tears and clenching her teeth as that contraction suddenly hit her then she'd probably lunge over the railing of the hospital bed and wrap her hands around his throat, "Sorry Er," he hops up from the stool and rushes over to grab her hand, "you got this! Deep breaths remember."
"…at this point it'll probably be better to just keep her in there."
"That wouldn't be safe at all sweetheart."
"…then reach in there and grab her!"
Kim, looking partially scarred, by all of this remains mute. It's the quietest Erin has ever seen her in her life. If her friend was on the fence about ever having a kid, this may have potentially changed her mind. Camille assists Erin in going to the bathroom, something encouraged by her nurse who had said a full bladder can make her uncomfortable and potentially stall labor. Erin gets back to the bed just in time for the next wave of contractions to hit. Jay massages her temples which surprisingly doesn't annoy her. Kim provides some counter pressure to the throbbing in her lower back by applying some hand pressure as hard as Erin requested. It's a team effort, one Erin will be able to recognize and appreciate once all of this is over.
By the time Erin swats them all away, she's grown hotter and sweatier. Jay is back at the machine, no longer directly warning her about the approaching contractions but struggling to mute his sound effects as the muttered curses indirectly let her know when big ones are approaching.
"Stop," she practically begs; the shimmering sweat on her face mixing in with the few tears that have fallen from her eyes, "stop reading that fucking machine!" He brings another wet cloth back to her forehead to cool her off, however, before he gets the chance, she exasperatedly swats it away from her causing for it to drop from his hand and land on the floor, "I don't know how this baby is going to come out of me. I don't think she's going to fit. This is the worse pain I've ever experienced in my life…like nothing tops this." Jay extends his hand and she rushes to take it.
"You should be proud of yourself. You're doing such a terrific job."
"It doesn't feel like it."
"I know, but it doesn't make it any less true."
Erin squeezed her eyes shut and clenched Jay's hand even tighter, his face scrunching together in pain from her firm grip. He doesn't dare utter a word because the last thing he wants is to suffer her wrath. He can feel his phone vibrating in his pocket and once the contraction passes, he pulls it out, not only to check the time but the message. It was supposed to be date night and he'd completely forgotten about it. He sends off a quick apology, reassuring her that he'll make it up to her, but there was no way in hell he was leaving right now or any time soon.
She throws her head back and releases a groan, focusing him back on the present, back in the room and tucking his phone in his back pocket. He reapproaches her side and runs his hand up and down her arm, before lifting her hand and kissing near where the IV is inserted into the back of it.
"Do you want me to go get the doctor?"
Her grip tightens around his hand and her eyes send a murderous glare in his direction, "If you leave my side one more time, I swear I will never forgive you."
"I'll go get the doctor," Kim rushes out, taking advantage of the moment to escape. And when she returns moments later, she not only leads the doctor in the room but she's holding a cup of ice.
Erin gets through a few cubes before the doctor tears off his gloves and gives her a smile he knows she can read. His next words are music to her ears as he gives her the thumbs up that they can go ahead with the epidural. She still has a while to go before she's fully dilated but once the anesthesiologist leaves her hospital room, she doesn't care how long it takes now. The pain has significantly reduced. When the next contraction hits, it's not completely pain free, but the difference now versus earlier is noticeable. All she feels now is pressure. It takes another two hours before the smile she noticed on her doctor's face reappears, this time bigger and brighter. She knows before he even tells her. It's time. It's time to push.
And once the doctor and nurses were prepped and stationed, the next few minutes passed by in a blur of movement. Her mother to her left, her best friend to her right and Jay next to her best friend but closer to her head, holding her hand to continue to encourage her to push as directed. Her mother holds her bended knee as asked of her by the nurse and Kim mimics the direction on the opposite leg as asked of her by the other nurse in the room. Erin holds each push while the nurses count aloud and when she's allowed a break, she flops back and pants. Sweat is dripping down the outline of her hairline but she has more things to worry about than the state of her appearance. She's reassured that a few more pushes should do the trick and it's obvious that's the case when the doctor asks, "You want to cut the cord dad?" Despite the baby not being here yet, Jay eagerly moves forward to prepare to cut the cord. She smiles, her first genuine one of today, as she notices Jay's hands tremble.
Erin leans forward, gearing herself up to push again and while the nurses count and she pushes, she tries to remember her breathing. She counts in her head despite them counting out loud and when she's able to relax, she falls back. No baby yet. But she feels a difference down there. She looks over at Jay, knowing from where he's standing, he can see. His eyes are wide, he's going into shock at the sight of it until the nurse snaps him out of it, reminding him to be ready. She leans forward, pushing again as they count aloud. There is a lot of pressure and it actually feels good to push, the discomfort only increasing when she's told to stop. She knows it's ending soon; she can feel it in her body, in her soul, in her spirit. All of those weeks, those months, the ups and the downs have boiled down to this moment. Erin leans forward again, wrapping herself mentally around the nurse's words, guiding her through what's supposed to be her final push.
She groans. She grunts. She screams. All of the physical work, the hardest work she's ever had to do in her life led her to the seconds right before she felt a stretch, a pull and a tear before the melodic sound of a baby screaming mixed in with the sound of Erin crying filled the walls of her hospital room. Jay is quick and as guided by her doctor, he cuts the cord. He stands frozen in place until the nurse takes the medical tool away from him, causing him to snap out of his stare. The nurse takes the baby over to the side of the room for a quick examination while the doctor does who knows what to her. He cleans her up. He sews whatever had been torn. Erin doesn't know and she doesn't care as her gaze follows the nurse holding her baby.
"How is she?" Erin struggles to see her baby from her position in her hospital bed. She tries to peer through the nurses but their bodies are blocking the sight of her little girl. The doctor doesn't respond and she's prepared to jump out of the bed and practically rip her child from the nurse's arms when the sound of her baby's cries softens, sending relief through both of their bodies. A nurse takes her daughter away from her sight briefly, the need to clean, to weigh, to measure and to assess her is understandable but Erin really wants her back. She wants to see and hold her.
Erin watches Jay as he watches them, she watches as he hovers over their shoulders, scrutinizing every action through his piercing gaze. His need to protect his child taking over his being like an instinct he never knew he possessed. Work is being done on Erin too, but she doesn't notice or at least she doesn't care as her focus remains on her baby and her baby's dad. It's amazing to her how in just these few seconds, she has watched him morph into the best father a kid could ever ask for.
"She's beautiful Erin," her mother whispers the second her baby is brought to her, "so gorgeous."
"Hi Little E," Kim waves, keeping her voice low and soft so she didn't startle the newborn.
Camille leans forward, first pressing her lips to her daughter's forehead and then pressing her lips to her granddaughter's forehead before saying, "Kim and I are going to give you both some privacy with your little girl. We'll grab some food, call everyone to let them know the good news and then bring the two of you back something to eat." She pauses, wondering if the new parents had heard a word she said. Both of them too focused on their daughter. She chuckles softly to herself before whispering, "Happy birthday Emma, please don't grow up too fast," she looks from the infant and up to her daughter, meeting her kid's eyes momentarily, "I'm so proud of you Erin. You did it. She is an absolute doll; I'm going to go let your dad know she's finally here."
Kim doesn't follow her out of the room, not yet, she wanted a closer peek at Emma before she did. She watched her best friend transform into a mother, holding her swaddled newborn in her arms, thanking the nurse for guidance as they transition the baby from the blanket and onto her chest for skin-to-skin contact. Kim moves closer, extending her hand to rest against the baby's back, covered by the hospital baby blanket, "Welcome to the world, little one. You came late but you came right on time," she looks from the back of the baby's head and up to meet Erin's gaze, "Congrats, she's perfect, Erin. Absolutely perfect. You are officially in charge of another living, breathing human being. Good luck," she squeezes her friend's shoulder and takes a few steps backwards before suddenly stopping at the reality of the realization, "Holy shit, you're actually someone's mom."
"I know," Erin released a quiet chuckle, shaking her head in disbelief, "It's crazy."
She doesn't stay long after that. She leaves and jogs to catch up with Camille. And seconds after the door closes behind her, Erin and Jay meet eyes. She carefully, with his assistance, puts the baby in the bassinet and he aids her in her quest to the restroom, waiting outside for her to finish up before helping her back to bed. It's hard to believe that when she went to sleep last night, she had no idea she'll be giving birth the following day. Her induction date was four days away and now that day is nonexistent. Her kid came on her own terms.
Jay fluffs her pillow up behind her head and then eases her back, whispering for her to be careful over and over again. She's no longer pregnant and he's still taking care of her. He sits at the edge of the bed and wheels her hospital issued bassinet closer. Erin reached inside the hospital baby bed to run her finger down the infant's soft-dewy cheek with such a longing in her eyes to pick her up and hold her again but the look on Jay's face as he peers down into the bed, watching their daughter sleep had Erin mesmerized. She found comfort in watching him watch her even if she's doing nothing but sleep and in order to watch him, she knew she would have to hold off on lifting her baby up. He sits in speechless awe before finally bending down and scooping her up into his arms.
She watched him, wondering what his next move would be and when he moves closer to lean down and pass the baby to her arms, Erin takes her in surprise. She's not complaining; she just didn't expect this. Erin looked down at her daughter, taking in every single feature, inhaling the sweet and pure baby scent as she watched their perfect creation simply sleep comfortably in her mother's arms, in the arms of the woman who will always protect her. Erin grows overwhelmed with emotion, a combination of her hormones trying to balance itself out after birth and actually seeing the product of many months, of many tears and emotions, of many aches and a lot of pain being presented in front of her, held so affectionately and protectively in her arms.
"Lay beside me," she whispers and with his help she shifts over just enough to allow him to settle down. She wants to enjoy this moment with him, even if the baby is sleeping, even if Erin's crying, this is the moment of a lifetime. With their baby swaddled in a white, hospital infant blanket, wearing a pink knitted hat with her little face being the only thing visible, Erin laid her down between mom and dad, allowing for the both of them to take in all of her features.
Erin carefully pulls off the baby's knitted hat to find whisks of blonde hair, smiling because she knows at some point it'll most likely darken up. She slides the hat back on, being careful to not be too forceful and startle their sleeping infant. Jay trails his finger down the baby's soft cheek, gazing at her with such wonderment in his eyes, "She has your nose," he smiles, lifting his finger to brush against it softly, so softly and gently. Her tiny nose of perfection just looked so adorable.
"You really think so?" the thought of it brings a wide smile onto her face, "she has your ears though," and the way she says it has him laughing, pulling the baby from her sleep, surprisingly without a cry or a whine but simply with the opening of her green eyes, "and your eyes. I hit the baby jackpot," she jokes in the end. She moves her hands to the blanket, untucking and unfolding it to reveal a pair of tiny arms and legs folded so close and snug to the body that it's reminiscent of when their little one was inside of the womb only a few hours ago, "Ten fingers," Erin counts.
"…and ten toes," Jay adds.
She begins to peel the baby's shirt up because her examination wasn't over until she has looked over every single inch of her newborn, "Careful Er," she hears him whisper as her eyes examine the baby's front before carefully rolling her over to look at her back, "you don't want her to get cold and you don't want to accidentally hurt her." His hands are out, holding the baby as still as possible as her mother looks her over.
Erin simply laughs at his worry, "Over-protective dad mode is kicking in already, huh?"
"I can't help it," he whispers despite the baby being awake, "look at her, she looks so fragile."
She does. And because of this, it takes both of them to swaddle her even though it's easily a one-person job. Once they get the hang of things then it'll be second nature but as of today, everything they do is probably going to be a two-person job, including putting her to sleep. Jay goes to the restroom and Erin dozes off right after Emma a few moments later, the exhaustion from her lack of a full night's rest and the physical exertion of the last twelve hours finally taking its toll.
Hours later, as she wakes late evening from a well needed nap, she forgets for just a second that she's given birth earlier in the day. But the moment her hand migrates to her belly, which feels much flatter than it did this morning, although obviously still rounded, a sudden feeling of loss and loneliness washes over her at the realization that her baby is no longer in her womb. Nor is her baby in her arms. Erin shoots up as panic consumes her and her throat chokes up in fear, her heavy-lidded and tired eyes roam the room. And when she doesn't immediately spot her daughter, she nearly throws herself out of the hospital bed. It takes Jay's comforting hand, circling her shoulder as he nods towards the hospital bassinet where Emma sleeps peacefully, no worries or concerns in the world on her face that allows Erin to finally breathe. Relief instantly warms her and rids her shoulders of the tension stiffening them moments ago. Erin manages a drowsy smile. She watches her baby sleep soundly, her tiny hands curled into fists, resting on either side of her head. She's no longer swaddled after managing to break out of it easily. Obviously the two-person job they did needs to become three because they absolutely sucked at it.
She watches her baby girl in amazement, absolutely starstruck at the realization that they created her, that Erin housed and nursed her in her body for months, that in her first trimester she looked nothing like the darling she is today. Erin reaches forward, wanting desperately to brush her finger along her cheek, admiring the dimples pierced into them, but she stops, hesitating because she doesn't want the action to wake her. She pulls away, realizing she has forever and a day to do that.
"Look at what you've given us," his voice is consumed by emotion, so much that it forces his eyes to tear up, "thank you, thank you." She looks away from her baby to meet his eyes, smiling in gratitude because while she played a major role in giving him this, he also played a role in giving her this as well. It was a two-person job and they both played the role in which they were designed to do. She wouldn't have this if not for him. And he wouldn't have this if not for her.
Erin opens her mouth to respond, but snaps her lips shut when she's startled by a loud bang followed by a flash, crackle and fizz, pushing both of them to turn their heads towards the window.
"I forgot it was the holiday," Jay says which is completely understandable, and in fact, if she were being honest, she forgot it was the holiday too, "I guess there's a lot to celebrate."
Fireworks continue to burst outside, lighting the city in many colors, the people around the country gathering in different areas to celebrate America, but to the new parents they look upon the sky, taking in the bright colors to celebrate Emma. And when he whispers to Erin that he loves her, a sentiment never shared between the two of them before, she realizes in that moment that she feels the same way too. She's well aware that she's high on emotion, too many hormones and chemicals circulating through her bloodstream, trying to balance itself out now that her body is solely responsible for one person now rather than two but regardless of that, she knows she feels the same, she knows that she loves him as a friend, as a potential to be more, but more than anything, she loves him as Emma's dad. He's her best friend, he's now her family and no matter what happens between the two of them, he will always be both of those things to her.
"She is perfect," the silence was broken by his soft whisper.
"Yeah, she is."
"We should make another," he cracks and her head immediately whips in his direction to find a goofy smirk on his face followed by a wink, "just kidding."
Erin doesn't even dignify that joke with a response; she simply gives her full attention back to her bundle of joy and whispers, "I can't believe that we made this. We made her. Two complete strangers who didn't even know each other's names had come together and created perfection. This is the best day ever."