Erin knew the parking at her apartment was eventually going to pose a problem for her. She just didn't know when it would present itself, until it finally did, with her baby on her hip and bags of groceries sitting in the trunk waiting to be carried inside. How was she going to do this? She couldn't leave the kid in the car. And she can't leave her alone in the house. She's just too young, she's only a few days over four weeks, or one month. There was no way in hell she was going to set her daughter down and have someone else watch her as she makes multiple trips from her car to her apartment. She didn't trust anyone to watch her, not unless Erin was in the next room.
"This is going to take forever," Erin scans her opened trunk, eyeing all the brown paper bags full of groceries, "I should have planned this better kid."
She looks down at the tiny hand currently clenching the fabric of her sweater, "I have ice cream that's going to melt if I don't figure something out soon." A soft, white blanket covers her baby's head, shielding her from the sun beaming down on both of them from above. Erin kind of wishes she had a blanket of her own to shield herself from the sun, but the sunglasses covering her eyes would have to do, at least until she gets inside.
She stares down at the brown paper bags full of groceries, thinking about what she can possibly do to get them upstairs while holding her baby. Since she has her kid in one arm, she can carry one of the bags with the other, but there are six brown paper bags filled with groceries which means she'll be taking at least six trips, "I have to get your diaper bag and my purse too." So, at least seven trips. Erin is frustrated, and the sigh that she lets out proves it.
Her head falls forward, lips brushing against the forehead of her baby. The grip her daughter has on her sweater tightens as she unintentionally yanks it and her own hand is stuck into her mouth, slobbering all onto the five digits as she sits contently on her mother's hip, "I wish I can have absolutely no care in the world like you do." This was going to take forever.
She presses a kiss to her daughter's cheek, holding her lips down against her chubby flesh. With her lips remained against her cheek, she spoke softly to herself, debating different ideas on what to do. Erin pulls her head away; a solution immediately dawns on her. She suddenly remembers the baby wrap carrier and after situating her daughter back in the car seat she begins to attach and hook it up around her chest and waist, tugging it to make sure it's secure because it's her first time actually using it before carefully sliding her baby inside of it. Erin doesn't let go of Emma right away, a part of her unsure about the safety and security of this wrap until minutes later when the first grocery bag is in one arm while she struggles to hold her purse and the diaper bag in the other arm. She'll still have to make multiple trips, but at least it won't be seven of them.
Erin had gone to the grocery store right after her daughter's one month checkup. It's just crazy how fast time seems to fly. She's one freaking month already. And she passed her first official check-up with flying colors. Emma's weight was checked, along with her length, back, hips, and head circumference. Emma had gotten shots and as expected she cried, and screamed her little lungs out, only to be eventually soothed by the feel of her head against her mom's bosom. The cushion it provided, along with the steady sound of her mom's heartbeat, aided the baby off the edge of that cliff. She learned terms and picked up on medical jargon solely based on this one pediatric checkup. It had her focus zeroed in, and after the physical exam where she found herself almost deciding to take notes after the doctor completed an eye exam, listened to her heart, felt her pulse, inspected her umbilical cord and checked her feet just for the sole purpose of googling the results to find out more information when she got home. She only changed her mind when her doctor informed them at the end that they'd get a printed copy of the baby's results. They ended up having to print two copies, one for Jay and one for her. Jay took his copy, folded it up, stashed it in his back pocket and then said something along the lines of seeing if his brother will take a look at it and break it down for him in layman terms. And then he'd pass the info along to her.
All the groceries are on the countertop, she takes Emma out the carrier and places her in her swing, hoping it occupies her long enough for Erin to put the groceries away. She unhooks the carrier and tosses it over near the baby bag, keeping the two items close because she doesn't want to leave one without the other. Emma is content, and Milo uses his teeth to grab his doggy bed and drag it over to the swing. He's grown so protective of her, probably more protective of her than Erin. She trusts Milo to watch Emma as she goes into the kitchen to unpack the groceries. She takes each item out, as she thinks back to when Jay casually dropped his brother's name to look over Em's medical record because she vividly remembered that the two of them do not have the best or the healthiest relationship. He didn't want to talk about it, which is on par for a lot of things with him, but he did offer her a short response of they haven't spoken since he told him Emma has been born and his brother told him congratulations. So, Erin surmises that this is Jay's attempt at reaching out, using Emma to spark a conversation with his brother because no matter how poorly his family treats him, he's still family. And Erin starts to wonder if his brother will ever meet Emma.
Now that the groceries are up, she finds herself skimming through Em's medical summary of her latest appointment, her laptop opened off to the side to google the words that she didn't know, she found herself fully relieved that the doctor didn't find any area of concern and neither did she in her search. The baby's screening tests on her hearing and her oxygen levels all came back normal.
Erin sets her phone near her, tapping the screen so it'll light up then going to her favorites and clicking on Jay's name. She waits as it rings, a part of her wouldn't be surprised if he didn't answer because he's at work after taking a longer break to attend Emma's doctor's appointment, but lo and behold, he answers, whispering for her to hold on. She hears shuffling in the background, assuming that he's stepping away from his team to talk to her in private, "Hey, is everything okay?"
"Yeah, I was wondering if you heard back from Will."
Jay scratches behind his ear, shifting on his feet, "I uh, I didn't," he sounds defeated.
"…maybe he's working, I mean you only sent it to him a few hours ago."
"…or maybe I'm just trying to throw different things at the wall and see what sticks? I'm trying too hard and I probably shouldn't even bother. I'm not the reason our relationship is the way it is."
There's a lull in conversation, one filled with no pressure to talk. She knows he's probably busy but he's not rushing her off the line. He's probably granted a lot more patience and grace with her dad considering his role in her life now. It's a complete 180 on his relationship with her dad. Jay is still uncomfortable with the whole dynamic but her dad is trying and she appreciates that more than anything, even if his primary motivation in holding up appearances is for Emma's sake.
"Did you ever get the therapy information from Abby?" Erin sparks a new topic of conversation and considering Abby's perfect timing, she eventually logs into the virtual feed to watch live.
"Yeah, I uh, I actually registered and my intake is scheduled for next week. I'm a little nervous about it if I'm being honest. I don't know what to expect; I just hope they don't think I'm crazy."
Abby may have joined in late, but she was able to put two and two together to get the gist of what they're talking about. She's happy that Jay is on speaker so she can be tuned into both sides. She pulls herself out of her head in order to focus on Erin's next words, "You'll be fine. Just remember to be honest. The more you invest in therapy, the more you get out of it. Take it from someone who has spent quite a long time seeing a therapist, it's worth it in the end, especially if you're really open to receiving help. It can be life changing and if you don't feel like your first therapist is the right fit, there's nothing wrong with shopping around for another one."
"I wonder how Abby's sessions are going?"
And speaking of Abby, she tenses up, her finger mindlessly tracing the scars of his initials on her thigh. She had recently started therapy to keep up the lie. It's once a week, she hardly participates and if she does, she lies with every answer she gives to her therapist. She's getting nothing from her sessions, but that's because she's not investing anything in those sessions. It's merely to uphold appearances, to ensure that for the off chance of Jay finding out, that he realizes she is a patient.
"However, they're going, you'll have to ask Abby, not her therapist because of confidentiality."
"I forgot about that."
Abby did too if she's being honest. A sigh of relief escapes her.
Erin looks back down at her daughter's results, flipping through the different pages of medical jargon that can be confusing to understand without google. She hears talking in the background of the call, assuming that Jay is no longer in private and she waits for a moment for him to step away from wherever he currently is that's loudly consuming his background.
"Have you spoken to Abby about staying over?"
The two of them recently talked about starting next week and because she hadn't heard word from him on his conversation with Abby, a part of her is starting to wonder if he changed his mind.
"I'm going to talk to her today."
"How are you feeling about it?" A large part of Erin thinks he's not going to answer. Since Emma's arrival, he's been distant in a way, keeping her at an arm's length when it comes to getting personal.
However, Jay seems to be full of surprises because he answers, "I've been putting it off as you can tell. I feel like I should have been staying over weeks ago, I miss her," he's referring to the baby, "and seeing her every day for an hour or so just isn't enough."
"I get it. And I'll let you get back to work. Just don't hesitate to call me if you need me and after you talk to her, let me know when you want to stay over for the first night," Erin notices that Emma is kicking her little feet, "I think she's excited about you staying over, she's kicking," Erin chuckles and Jay laughs as well, the act immediately brightening his day.
"Send me picture updates."
"You got it," and just as they prepare to hang up, Erin stops him, "oh, and Jay," she catches him before he disconnects, "thanks for making it to Emma's appointment."
"Please don't thank me, seriously, I'd drop everything to make it to all of them."
No further words were uttered, only the sound of both of them hanging up, leaving both mom and dad with a semblance of peace in knowing that they're more than just co-parents, they're friends, slowly trickling to best friends. No more words really needed to be said. Both are content with how things ended. And after the call ends, she stares down at the screen before her eyes flicker up and over to their daughter, "You are one lucky little girl Ems," Milo lifts his head, looks at her and tilts it, "and you're a lucky dog Milo. You know I'll never forget about you." She leans forward to ruffle the top of his head before leaning to the side to tickle the sole of Emma's foot. When Emma starts kicking harder, giving her mommy a gummy smile, Erin starts to tickle her foot again.
It was a good day, a fun one, despite the difficulties of wrangling in a baby and making it to the appointment on time. Jay had met her there, getting there a little later than her, which is truly one of the perks of her dad being his boss, considering he granted him a longer break to be with her and Emma for the first checkup. And after giving his daughter a see you later kiss because he has every intention of visiting later, he heads off into the opposite direction. His presence at the appointment was definitely needed because sitting in that waiting room with a fussy baby had her nearly ready to pull out each strand of hair on her head, one by one, but when Jay came walking in without a care in the world, hands tucked in his pockets as he scanned the waiting room, eventually spotting Erin sitting and pushing the stroller back and forth, forwards and backwards to keep the baby content in her stroller. And at some point, when the baby got a bit fussy, he pulls a stuffed animal from her diaper bag and does a puppet-type show to pass the time. It was one of the cutest sights to be seen and Erin fortunately had the clarity of mind to pull out her cell phone and record, air dropping it to Jay right afterwards when the mini show is concluded by him leaning inside to seal a kiss to Emma's jaw and laughing when she gives him a gummy smile in return.
It serves a purpose and it passes the time. And on top of that, it was the cutest thing ever as confirmed by the responses from her mother and Kim when she sent the video to them.
Erin closes the medical summary and just as she prepares to stand up, a notification pings to her cell. She looks down at her phone after a text from Jay came through, I have a gift for you and Em. I'll drop it by after my talk with Abby. Wait up for me.
She chuckles and starts typing the simple words of okay, before erasing and choosing to type her second thought, please, I beg you, please tell me it's not another supersized stuffed animal. I don't think my apartment has the space; Erin immediately replies. He sends back a laughing emoji and the conversation ends after that. She's back on mommy duties, even though one can argue that it never stops, but she's up, she's changing a diaper, breast-feeding, bathing and then doing a repeat of each activity throughout the day. Choosing right at the end, once Emma is down for her evening nap, to throw her hair up, connect her phone to the Bluetooth speakers and try to whip something up for dinner in her barely used kitchen. She knows Jay will be visiting later, he always does after work, so instead of pulling out her handy-dandy drawer filled with delivery menus, she cooks.
And that's right on time too because Jay is practically starving; he's famished. He didn't eat much during his break, he worked a little longer than needed and then he hit the boxing bag at Dawson's gym for an hour after work. He's tired, he's hungry too, hungrier more than he is exhausted.
Halstead walks through the door, dropping his gym bag off at the entrance. It's music playing but that doesn't stop him from calling out Abby's name. He knows she's here; he saw her car.
"Hey," she pokes her head out of the kitchen. He notices she's wearing an apron; her hair is tied up and she has a spatula in one hand and a printed paper of instructions for a recipe in the other.
He shuts the door and locks it behind him, "What are you doing?"
"I'm cooking silly," she prances over to him and gives his cheek a kiss.
"It smells good," he compliments. And that goes straight to her head. She blushes a crimson shade.
"I wanted to surprise you. I didn't expect you to be home so early. I set the table, I was hoping to light some of the candles and maybe we can have a romantic night inside."
"I'm not staying," he reaches behind his ear to scratch and Abby picks up on his nervous tic, "I'm going to grab a shower and then head over to see the baby. I'll eat when I come home."
"Oh," she looks disappointed and he immediately feels bad about it.
He's hungry, but he's not that hungry. He's not hungry enough to stay and eat whatever Abby concocts in the kitchen. She tries to hide her disappointment; she doesn't do a good job at it and Jay begins to question if she's even attempting to hide it in the first place or if she's pretending, she's bad at hiding it. She sets the spatula down on the nearby table and all he can think of is cross contamination. He tries to convince himself that Abby will wash it off before she uses it again.
"It's no big deal," he doesn't know if she's saying that more to herself or him, "we can just reschedule," she stretches her hands open and then closes them before opening her arms and stepping forward, making it obvious that she wants a hug.
He steps back though and this time the look of disappointment on her face is obvious and clear, "I'm sorry," he's not really but it doesn't stop him from apologizing, "I'm sweaty. I just finished going to town on a punching bag. I'm disgusting right now and I don't want to get you dirty."
She smiles, biting her lip and batting her eyes at him, "You're also so considerate," she says it as if he hung the stars and the moon. She looks at him as if he's her own personal hero. It weirds him out. And he throws his thumb over his shoulder, pointing towards the bedroom and backing away.
Abby picks up the spatula, squeezing the handle as tightly as her grip would allow, she bit her lip and suppressed the steam that wanted to desperately blow out of her ears. She wants to bang her head against a wall. She watches to scratch herself. She wants to burn her hand on the hot stovetop. She wants to do something to physically hurt herself in order to take away this emotional pain.
She goes into the kitchen and throws the spatula onto the counter and then walks away. She rolls her eyes at the music playing in the background, ignoring the sappy lyrics about some blooming love. She storms into the bedroom, hears the shower running and begins pacing the room, moving so fast that her heartrate increases and she's nearly out of breath.
Jay leaves the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist, chest exposed as it air dries and he comes to a complete stop when he sees Abby sitting at the edge of the bed. She's staring down at the palms of her hands before wrangling them together. She's obviously caught up in her thoughts, so focused on them that she hadn't realized he entered the bedroom. She scratches the side of her head, getting her fingers caught in the strands and then she pulls, "Hey," Jay grabs her wrist to stop her, "What's wrong? Why are you doing that?"
She lets go of her hair, "I'm sorry if I said something wrong or if I did anything wrong."
"You're good Abs, why would you think you messed up?"
"…it just seems like you can't get out of here fast enough."
"No," he sits down next to her on the bed, "no, it's not that at all. I just want to spend as much time with Emma as I can. I'm trying to balance everything Abs, and I appreciate you being patient with me, I do, but right now with her being so young, I have to be there."
"…and she can't come here? I don't mind if she stays with us for a night or two."
"She's too young," he repeats Erin's words from a few weeks ago, "maybe when she's older," he pauses and then decides to take advantage of this topic of conversation, "and speaking of staying over, starting next week, I'm going to start spending the night over Erin's house, maybe three times a week I'm thinking, to spend more time with the baby."
She bites her bottom lip, running her teeth over it, "Okay," she simply answers. And it's obvious he's caught off guard, he didn't expect that easy of a response at all. He expected a debate.
He starts to get dressed, shrugging off the simplicity of her answer before realizing that she hasn't moved from her spot, she hasn't even looked up and after sliding on a pair of sweats, he approaches, "Abs, are you sure you're okay? You look like something is on your mind."
"I just…I miss you," she admits, running her hands up and down along her thighs, "I miss us."
"I know I've been stretched so thin, but maybe when I get a hang onto this new routine and start balancing work and being a dad better, a night that I'm here, we can go out."
"I'd love that. Can I plan the date?"
"Yeah, sure," he grabs a t-shirt and pulls it over his head. He looks around his room before spotting his shoes, after grabbing a pair of socks, he makes his way out of the bedroom and Abby gets up to follow him. She's hovering, standing so close to his back that if he didn't turn around slowly, he would have bumped into her, "Are you sure you're good? What's going on?"
"I want to meet Emma," she holds up her hand to silence him because she knows what he's going to say, "I know, I know, it's not solely up to you, Erin doesn't like me and she probably doesn't want me around her daughter, but she's your daughter too Jay and if I'm going to be in her life, I need to know her and she needs to know me," Abby reaches for his hand and she notices that he's reluctant to give it to her, she ignores the sting in her body because she can see he's pulling away from her, "therapy is helping me become more open with how I'm feeling," she notices the tension leave his shoulders and she always knows mentioning therapy and her sessions will do the trick every time. She doesn't care that she's being manipulative, as long as she gets what she wants, she's willing to use everything and everybody, "I want to show you that I'm getting better for you but you aren't with me long enough to see. I'm in therapy for you, I'm doing this all for you and you won't even give me the time of day to see the effort I'm putting in."
"I think a part of that is the problem," he's almost finished getting ready. And she knows once he's finished, he'll be out the door in seconds, "I think if you start going to therapy for yourself, then you'll be much better for it," she's taken aback. He's not even in therapy yet and he's slowly starting to wake up, he's starting to not allow her to just say whatever. She knows it's Erin getting in his head, she knows they're talking about her, but Abby can't show that, she can't prove it without making herself look bad. Instead, she goes for emotional manipulation, bowing her head, pouting her lip and quivering her jaw as if she's about to cry and immediately she gets the results she wants, "look Abs, I can't make no promises, I know you want to meet her, I want you to meet her, but all I can promise you is that I'll talk to Erin, I'll see what I can do."
"Thank you. That's all I ask."
And that's all either one of them say before he's out the door and she's left standing in the apartment, all alone, for the umpteenth night in a row.
When Jay steps up to the elevator in Erin's building, he can feel the pull to get to Erin's apartment. He hits the elevator button multiple times, hoping that by doing so, it rushes the process. He doesn't know if it works or not but when the doors open seconds later, he figures it was a success. He gets to her door, knocks three times before letting himself in.
Her apartment smells good, it radiates a home cooked meal and he knows she mentioned that she's not the best chef, but he can tell her efforts at trying are going well. He closes the door behind him, locks it too before calling out, "It's just me, Erin!" Music plays lowly in the background. He sits the shopping bag he had stashed in his trunk down near her front door.
"I figured! Otherwise, you would have been dog food for Milo," she jokes, calling out from the kitchen.
Jay ruffles the top of Milo's head, "I'm not afraid of Milo, I can take him," he cracks back.
"Be careful, he speaks English," she warns.
Jay walks further into the apartment, kicking off his shoes and lining them up against the wall. He goes to the kitchen, and also déjà vu like, he sees Erin in there cooking, hair pulled up similarly to Abby's appearance, same with the apron and he looks down at Milo, brow quirked in confusion because what's the chances of them looking so similar tonight. Her dog doesn't know what Jay is thinking, so he walks away, tag wagging slowly as he makes his way over to the stuffed octopus, circling the stuffed animal before laying his head down on one of the tentacles. Jay stares at it, zoning out because truly what are the chances of the similarities right now. He doesn't get a chance to focus on it too much because Erin's talking, "I hope you're hungry," she realized that she still needs the directions on the box, but had already thrown it in the trash, causing for her to step on the paddle so the lid automatically lifts and she leans her head over to scan the rest of the instructions, "It's hard to make a meal for just one unless it's a tv dinner so I hope you have an appetite. I made dessert too. I hope you like banana splits. I have the ice cream in the freezer."
"If you keep cooking at this rate, you'll give Bobby Flay a run for his money."
"Well, what can I say," Erin shrugs, pulling the casserole out of the oven, "I had to start learning at some point otherwise my baby would be growing up on microwave meals and take-out."
Halstead rubs his hands together and peaks out into the living room, noticing the swing is empty, "…and speaking of baby, where is she?"
"In the nursery asleep. She should be waking up anytime now."
"I'll go check on her," he says. Erin nods as he walks out of the kitchen. Abby sees him cross the living room and in her anger at his reaction to Erin cooking vs. her, she lifts the glass casserole dish, raises it above her head and throws it down to the ground, finding immediate satisfaction upon seeing the glass break and the food scatter everywhere. She steps over the mess, the heel of her barefoot catching the edge of the broken glass, slicing through her skin upon immediate contact and she looks up at the ceiling, shutting her eyes to ignore the pain. Her hands clench at her sides as she takes a deep breath in and lets a deep breath out.
Erin goes to check on Jay and Emma, quietly approaching and stopping when she finds him in the nursery, sitting next to Emma's crib, her tiny hand wrapped around his index finger, his chin resting on the railing of her crib as he watched her peacefully lay there. She pulls her phone from her back pocket, holds her breath to not disturb either one of them and captures a few photos to lock this memory in time forever. And when she's ready to get out of the crib, he's at her beck and call, without any hesitation, he scoops her up with such precision that it's hard to believe he hadn't been doing the whole father thing for years. Despite what he thinks, he's so good at it.
"You're so good with her. It's hard to believe that at some point you didn't want a baby," she says it all in good-nature, not trying to insult, but simply sticking to the truth of the past.
"That seems like so long ago too, like worlds away," he carefully brings the baby to his chest, "and now I can't even imagine my life without her, and she's only been in my life for a month."
"Sometimes we underestimate the impact of little things," Erin moves closer, brushing her thumb against the baby's chubby cheek, smiling softly when she rips out a gummy yawn, "hi baby."
The light coming from the hall radiates Emma's face, her mouth contorting as she yawns again and stretches her fist above her face to stretch. She sighs afterwards, her body relaxing in her dad's embrace. Jay couldn't help himself, just looking at that adorable face of hers, he presses a kiss against it, only to stop short when he gets close enough to zero in on her face, noticing the slightest hint of a scratch on the tip of her nose, it's red and without looking as closely as he did, he might have missed it, "What happened here?" He asks, following her out of the nursery and to the kitchen.
Erin looks over her shoulder to see what he's referring to, "She scratched herself on accident. I think it's time for me to start trimming her nails, I'm just scared. Her fingers are so tiny."
"Poor baby," Jay coos, raising Emma up and bringing her down to press a kiss against her nose.
"I knowwww," Erin whines, picking the spatula up to plate their meals, "I felt so bad when I saw it. I washed it and put some antiseptic cream on it. She didn't cry or anything but I definitely need to cut her nails soon before they get any longer and definitely before she does it again."
He raises the baby into the air again, bringing her back down to press another kiss to her face. She hums to the low volume music as she continues to plate their meals, only stopping when the song ends. She grabs her phone, exiting out the app before the next tune plays. She carries the plates and Jay carries the baby. It's not often he eats over here so he gets the luxury of balancing his plate, eating and caring for the baby. She can see the struggle in his brow, but he's mindful enough to not ask for help, if anything she reminds him of the option of putting the baby in the swing but he rejects it. He wants to hold her while he eats. Good luck to him. If he wants to make the act of eating harder for himself then who is she to deny him of that?
"Do you work tomorrow?"
"…not unless we get a case."
"Hmmm," she lifts her glass to take a sip.
"When do you go back to work?" He knows it's soon but he can't recall the date.
"Ugh," she groans, not wanting to be reminded, she's been blissfully living in denial about going back to work, leaving her daughter for a nice chunk of the day, "in a week," and before he can ask his next question, it's like she reads his mind because she answers it, "my mom will watch Emma during the day. She says it'll be her grandma and granddaughter time. I'm glad I have someone I trust wholeheartedly to watch Ems, but the amount I'm going to miss that little girl is going to be so astronomically high that I may have to be committed," she's being a bit dramatic but not much.
"I understand," he says to which she knows he does. It's why he's over here every night or at least close to every night if work doesn't get in his way. It's also why things are weird between he and Abby and it's why he wants to make things even weirder by wanting to spend the night.
"Sorry," she throws her hands up, ashamedly, "I'm being a bit inconsiderate here. You said you want to start staying over next week. Are you thinking Sunday or Monday?"
"If Sunday is no bother, then that'd be perfect."
"It's no bother at all, Jay. I'll make sure the guestroom is ready for you."
"Are you sure you're okay with this though? I don't want things to be weird."
"We're friends," she states adamantly, reminding herself more than him, "We're good, it's good and I'm pretty sure Ems would want this more than either of us. It won't be weird, I'm sure of it."
She's not sure of anything, but she hides it well.
She hides it well enough for them to get through dinner. She finds her escape when doing dishes as he entertains the baby. And just when she's done, wiping her hands on a dishrag and then tossing it on the counter, Jay stands from his seat, causing her to swallow nervously.
"Hey," Jay approaches casually, bouncing the baby in his arms, "I need to talk to you."
"Uh oh, that's never good."
"It's not necessarily bad."
"Alright," she sighs, hands going to her waist, "rip it off like a bandage, give it to me straight up."
"I think it's time to allow Abby to meet Emma."
Her apartment became so quiet that you could hear a pin drop. Her mouth dropped, agape as she stared forward, blinking slow as she processed his words. Jay sets the baby in the swing then grabs the folded-up blanket, to open it up and spread it out so she can do some tummy time before dinner. He doesn't rush Erin, he knows she's processing, he knows she's trying to think of what to say next and he'd rather her take all the time in the world than to just knock it down without thought.
"Jay…" her voice drifts off. Her eyes flashes over to the baby who is currently gnawing on her tiny fist and her face frowns at the image of that woman holding her, "I don't like that idea."
"You can be there for it. I wouldn't think to do this without you."
"If this was any other woman then I wouldn't be so hesitant, I don't want to look like one of those bitter baby moms being difficult when it comes to the baby meeting your girlfriend, but…" she pauses to carefully calculate her words; her eyes flash towards the purple octopus and unbeknownst to her, Abby is watching her, staring into her orbs, "we don't get along, Jay. I don't like her. She doesn't like me."
"She can separate her dislike for you from Emma. Regardless of what me and you did, Emma is innocent in all of this. She has nothing to do with our screw ups. I just think," he stops to tilt his head slightly to meet her eyes, "if Abby is open to love Emma, then what's the harm in that?"
His words circle her mind. She ruminates on them, even as Jay feeds Emma a bottle of milk she pumped earlier. She only breaks out of that train of thought when the little one spits up on his collar, using the need to grab a rag to wipe it up as a reason to get out of the living room. She has no justification to prolong that meeting, none whatsoever because a feeling isn't good enough. Is it possible that her feelings for Jay are manifesting into jealousy? Maybe she's jealous of Abby for having the title of girlfriend in his life and this is her way of being difficult? Maybe a part of her is being bitter. Erin doesn't know. All she does know is she wants the best for Emma, and if that's allowing more people to have the lucky privilege of meeting her then so be it.
"Okay," she whispers in agreement after a stretch of silence, "but I'm going to be there."
Jay leaves Emma in her swing and hops to his feet, "Thank you," he gives her a comforting smile, one that reassures her that she's made the right decision, "do you think you could bring her by tomorrow?" He pauses, reaching for her arms and cupping her elbows, "for me? Please."
"Tomorrow is so soon."
"The sooner we do it, the sooner you can get it over with. I can even spend the night afterwards, move it up earlier."
It takes every fiber of her being to agree to this, to not retract her words and back down. She simply nods, not brave or sure enough to voice the agreement herself. She remains standing, frozen in time once again, trying to think up multiple ways to get out of this but nothing came to mind, nothing could be permanent, the most she could think of would cause for them to reschedule. She didn't want this to happen ever, but at least in this instance, she will be there because at some point when Emma is old enough, Jay will have her and she will not have any control over who he introduces her to so she reminds herself of that, she reminds herself to stay in the present moment.
That's a tomorrow problem, not a today one.
Instead, today is a good day. She finds a chuckle simmering in her lower belly at the sight of Emma now doing tummy time with Jay jokingly getting on the floor himself to apparently 'show her how it's done.' Erin loses herself in the present, pulling out her camera to do the job she does so well and that's be Emma's personal photographer, her professionally unpaid paparazzi. She sits on the couch, and once the baby grew restless, he scoops her up and peppers kisses against her jawline.
"You did so good Ems," Erin compliments, clapping her hands to earn the little one's attention.
"Oh, I almost forgot, I got something for you and Emma. I saw it online and I couldn't resist," he hands her the baby in order to jog over to the door to grab the gift, "I guessed on your size, if it doesn't fit, I can just send it back and get a replacement," he was pretty confident about his purchase but now that the time has come for him to give it to her, he's nervous, "I went a couple sizes bigger for Emma that way it'd last longer. If I got her current size, she wouldn't be able to fit it in a month," he's rambling, Erin notices, hell Emma probably does too.
"Jay, I'm pretty sure I'll love it. Let us see." She props Emma up on her leg, fingers spread against her stomach to hold her up as her back and head lean back and rest against her chest.
Jay sets the bag down in front of Erin and using her free hand she reaches inside and feels the denim fabric. She pulls the first item out and based on its size, she can tell it's for Emma. The maneuvering is a bit hard with the baby in her lap so Jay picks her up. Erin unfolds the article of clothing to see it's a jean jacket, the front corner pocket has Emma's name etched on it in pink italic font. She turns it around to see in big, bold letters baby girl is imprinted on the back.
"This is the cutest," Erin reads the tag and sees it's for twelve months. She folds it in half and drapes it over her thigh before reaching into the bag and pulling out the bigger one. It's a replica of the first one, just bigger, obviously adult size and on the front corner pocket Erin's name is engraved in red italic font. Knowing to expect something on the back, she flips it around to see big, bold letters spelling out Mama printed on the back, "matching jean jackets," she whispers, looking up to meet Jay's eyes, fully appreciative of the thought and effort, "I love it."
"It's no biggie," with his free hand he scratches behind his ear. He tries to play it off, but he can tell it meant a lot to her, "I'm glad you like it though. I was a little nervous," he chuckles.
"I don't just like it, Jay, I love it," she corrects. He didn't have to do this but he did. And Erin thinks back to her conversation with Kim about him staying over, the concerns she had about something happening between them growing at an exponential rate, especially with the way he's looking at her and the way she just knows she's looking at him.