Emma screamed, damn near at the top of her lungs. Her toothless mouth stretched wide open, hints of milk residue stained on her tongue. It came on so suddenly, and Erin rushed to move her from the boppy pillow to the cradle of her arms, "Hey…hey, what's this about?" She bounced her in her arms, patting her behind in a steady rhythm to settle her girl's wails.
She doesn't expect her daughter to answer but she does expect the sound of her voice to offer her baby some comfort. And when the wail turns to a low murmur before settling on a soft whine, Erin knows it's working. This all came on so suddenly. She just finished eating so she's not hungry. She's already been burped and changed so Erin is at a loss here on what the kid wants.
You'd think since she was on week eight of being a mommy that she'd have this down, but it seems like as Emma gets older, her looks aren't the only thing that's changing, that personality is starting to come through and the meaning behind her little one's cries are shifting too. She's becoming more restless, still needing lots of sleep but definitely not as much as she did just a month ago. She's starting to want to be held for long periods of time, and Erin realizes right now that that's more than likely the reason for the last burst of tears. She tests that theory out, carefully setting her down on the boppy pillow again and when Emma's face immediately scrunches up, twisting and frowning with her lips puckering up, Erin sweeps her back into her arms before she gets the chance to start crying again. The beginning of a meltdown stops.
"How is mama going to get anything done if I can't put you down?" Erin really wished Emma could talk so she could give her an answer. Erin worked later than usual yesterday so she could get off earlier today, not for the purpose of missing her baby but more so because she has things to do. Her place is a mess, she ran out of frozen meals her mom prepped for her, her fridge looks like something that belongs to a bachelor with no kids and poor Milo needs a bath and a haircut. She didn't leave work early today for a vacation, she left because she has a laundry list of things to do, which now that she thinks about it, includes laundry.
She should have asked her mom to stay especially now that it seems like Emma cries every time Erin even thinks of putting her down. That's her girl, she knows what she wants and advocates for herself to get it despite knowing it's working against her. Erin maneuvers her daughter to one arm and attempts to multitask, only to find herself failing miserably when she's unloading the dishwasher and a plate slips from her grasp and breaks into pieces once it hits the ground. Sigh.
Erin looks up at the ceiling, pressing her eyes closed as she takes a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds before releasing it and repeating it again. Erin could hear her baby's coos, and cracked one eye open to see her daughter slobbering all over her hand, gnawing on her chubby fingers to soothe her itchy gums. Erin hears Milo's paws on the linoleum, his nails tapping along the solid floor with each prance, until she halts him with her hand, "Wait Milo," he listens, his training shining through when he comes to an abrupt stop after the first order, "go back," she points and he prances right back out of the kitchen. Erin, standing barefoot in her own kitchen, carefully tiptoes around the glass, being mindful to not step on the smallest pieces.
Emma is moved to a chair hold in her mother's arms, her back and head resting against her mom's chest, completely oblivious to the chaos around her. Her mama's hand is now open and pressed against her tummy, bouncing her up and down as she tries to think of a way to tend to Milo, her baby and the broken glass in her kitchen. And the best option that comes to mind is to put the baby to sleep, despite knowing it would throw off Emma's sleep schedule, it's needed.
"Come on bub," she calls for Milo, whistling and coaxing him to follow her into the nursery. He listens, as always, and prances behind his person, and settles at her feet once she's in the rocking chair. If she's lucky, both Emma and Milo will go down for a nap, and she can knock out as many things as possible, starting with picking up the glass and ending with starting dinner.
Erin maneuvers Emma into a cradle hold, utilizing the comfort of her arms and her scent to her advantage. She rocks forwards and backwards hoping to use this opportunity to rock her to sleep until her phone starts ringing and she flips the screen to see that Jay was FaceTiming her. If she's being honest, she doesn't want to answer, her finger hesitates above the button, and she quickly thinks of the pros and cons of picking up the call. Before she can make a decision, the call ends, but immediately the ringing starts back up again. She knows she needs to answer, she wants to do better, and until Emma is at an age where she can have contact with her dad without her, Erin will have to be an adult and continue to play her part in their relationship, "Hey," she immediately greets before giving him the chance to point out his earlier call and how she missed that one but conveniently was able to answer this one, "Where are you?" She chuckles because she can't recognize what little of the background she can see in the corners of the screen.
"Ummm," he drags it out, looking around him as if he didn't know, "I'm at a crime scene. I was calling to let you know that I probably won't be stopping by after my shift ends. It looks like we're going to be here for some time and I don't want the two of you trying to wait up."
"Trust me. I was not going to attempt to wait for you," she chuckles half-heartedly, "Once I get this muffin down, I'm going to knock out some chores then head to bed myself."
"So, she's not asleep yet?"
"Nope," Erin looks at Emma's wide eyes, "far from it."
"Good," he grins and that smile of his makes her smile, "Can I see her?"
Erin simply answers with the turn of her phone. The pacifier now in Emma's mouth, her wide green eyes looked into the screen and met the identical orbs of her dad. Erin continues to rock and cradle her baby as Jay spends his break chatting with their girl in the most adorable baby voice. He only stops when Emma yawns, telling both of them that she's finally coming close to losing the battle against sleep. Erin grins, and when she hears Jay call her name, she turns the phone back on herself, "Yeah, everything okay?"
"Yeah, I just miss her. I always miss her."
"It's just a day, you'll see her tomorrow."
"It's still hard. You haven't been a day without her so I don't expect you to understand," he gets the sense of how that may have come off so he backtracks, "that came out in a way I didn't mean. I was just trying to say that a whole day without seeing her is harder than you'd expect."
"I'm sorry," she chooses to try to see things from his perspective, "I know it's not much but I'll send you so many pictures and videos today that you'll end up silencing your notifications."
"Thanks," he says just as Voight calls for him, "I uh, I got to go. Let me know if you need anything. I'll talk to you a little later." She nods and doesn't say another word. Whether she needs something or not, she has no intention of asking him for it, it's a part of the new boundaries she's personally setting with him. She reminds herself that they are nothing more than co-parents, Emma's mom and dad, and she has to be cautious of ensuring their conversation does not seep into the territory of friendship or romantic relationship. The call ends, and Erin notices that Emma is fast asleep. So is Milo, so with careful precision, she gets up and lays the baby down in her crib, watching her for an extended minute to make sure she didn't wake up.
And once Erin knows her baby has fully succumbed to the sandman of sleep, she turns on the baby monitor, walks out and cracks the door behind her. With a renewed burst of energy, she tackles the broken glass first, finishes unloading the dishwasher, reloads the dishwasher and then begins to knock out the remainder of her to-do list, including waking Milo up to bathe him. She gets lost in the chores, the time flies by, and Emma wakes up for her next feeding, and by the time her phone rang again, she knows it's Jay and he's probably calling because he's off from work now and wants to see if by the slightest chance, they're up. Because she knows that, she doesn't answer, instead, she sends him to voicemail then shoots off a text to let him know they're asleep and will see him tomorrow. It's a pause and the three dots on the screen are soon replaced by a simple -ok- and now she starts to feel bad. It might be wrong of her, but to care for Emma, she has to care for herself and that includes protecting herself from falling for Jay Halstead.
And he gets that, and he knows she's probably up, probably wide awake and just isn't in the mood for company, or more specifically his company, but to keep the peace, especially for Emma's sake, he doesn't push back. He takes what he can get and he appreciates that she's now answering his calls and responding to his text messages. It's baby steps, ones his therapist told him to acknowledge. And not to mention, she kept her word and sent him so many pictures and videos, old and new, of Emma that he's never seen, that he did end up silencing his phone because it kept dinging while he was in the middle of an interrogation and the only reason he didn't have to hear Voight's mouth about it was because it was pictures of his granddaughter being sent to his phone. But, despite that, he knew he'd have to cut the volume down because that reasoning would only cut him a bit of slack and eventually Voight himself would get tired.
Jay could barely keep his eyes open. He dragged his feet down the carpet in the hallway, following the path leading to his front door. He multitasks, pulling out his keys as he approaches the door and just before he could stick the top lock key into the lock, the door swings open and he's pulled inside. He almost reached for his weapon and pulled it if not for the door being slammed shut behind him, and her mouth smothering his own. Her lips moved to his neck as her hands fumbled with his belt buckle in a desperate attempt to loosen it. Due to his exhaustion, his reflex was delayed but once his brain caught up with what's happening, he immediately reacted. His hands covered hers when he caught the sense of where she wanted this night to go, "Hold on. Wait, hold up." This is one of the last things he wanted right now.
"…why?" Her voice is fraught; it's filled with desperation.
Jay wasn't in the mood; he was fucking exhausted. He typically started work at seven or eight unless they had a case then he would be in around five and the squad usually didn't get dismissed until six in the evening and then afterwards he would go to Erin's to help her out and spend time with his daughter so by the time he got home –usually around one or two in the morning, sometimes later than that- all he wanted to do was sleep. At least, that's how his day usually goes, before his argument with Erin. Contact with her has been inconsistent depending on if she's avoiding him or not. Sometimes his calls go unanswered and his texts go ignored, and sometimes if he's lucky, he gets an immediate response. If it goes longer than a day then he's going over there, his kid is there and despite where Erin and Jay stand with each other, he has a right to his kid and Erin's attitude won't stop him from seeing her. She knows that which is why it never gets that far. Fortunately. He's tired today though, not just physically but emotionally too after his latest session with Milah. And the newest case. It's a lot going on. And emotional exhaustion is to be expected. But, who could blame him? He rarely got any sleep at all nowadays and because the baby wouldn't go to sleep and he typically didn't want to leave until she did, he found himself walking through the door at close to three in the morning on most days. Today was an exception because he just got off from work, and Erin practically declined his request to come over, so it's only approaching midnight which is far earlier than his usual arrival time.
True, this day was a little different, and theoretically, he should have more energy for what Abby has in mind, but the last few days of little sleep are catching up to him. His eyes were half open and if he stayed out any longer, he would have had to get an Uber home, falling asleep behind the wheel isn't worth the consequences that could come, "Abs, I'm tired."
"When is that new?" She pulled away from him and pouted, arms crossed over her chest like a petulant child, "You're always tired." She's doing this to distract him. She rewatched the live feed of Erin's conversation with Jay after Erin unexpectedly paid a visit to her home. That day was like a fever dream, it was hard to believe that it even happened. Suddenly remembering it exists when she whined about not being able to hear him go off on her, but what she didn't expect was the ending and how he told Erin that he'd talk to her. She doesn't want to give him the chance to do that, and the easiest way to ensure no talking happens is if their mouths are occupied. Fortunately for her, he's been too busy and too tired to have the conversation, he knows that dealing with her, he has to be patient, but with her snooping in on Erin today, she knows he was coming straight home, only Abby assumes it was to have the conversation.
"I'm off this weekend," he starts pulling at his shirt, taking it off and tossing it into the nearby hamper, "Maybe we can do something then? Maybe go out to dinner or something?"
Abby doesn't respond right away. She bites her lip and takes a seat on the edge of their bed as he goes into the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth. It was his nightly routine. She'd been thinking long and hard these last few weeks, ever since the baby was born and the more time that passed, the more time Jay had spent over her house, the more she felt firm behind the decision she's come to make, "I want a baby." She didn't think he heard her.
He did. And he nearly chokes on the mouthwash.
The bathroom door that was shut suddenly opened, "What?" He stepped out with a wet washcloth in his hand, "What are you talking about?" Her shoulders tense up at his disbelief.
"I want a baby," she states more firmly; the quiver that was once in her throat suddenly disappeared, "I want you to put a baby in me like you did Erin." She rose to her feet and walked over to him, gently setting her hands upon his bare chest, "I want to have a baby, your baby."
Slowly, Jay set the washcloth down on the dresser beside him, "Abby," he covered her hands with his as he chose his next words wisely, "I'm not ready for that yet." He says it so slowly as if she's a porcelain doll and he's afraid if he shouts it, she'll break.
"You're not ready to have a baby with me?" She asked for clarification and he shook his head to answer, "but you were ready to have a baby with her."
"I wasn't ready for that either; we both weren't, and you knew that already. Emma has been earthside for less time than she's been in her mom's belly. Little ones are a lot to deal with and I'm not expecting you to understand that but trust me on this. You're not ready for one, and I'm not ready for another one. Based on the decisions me and her mom made, Emma was a result and now that she's here, I'm not ready for more kids, not until I get my life together, not until I get where I want to be financially and professionally. There are still things I want to do before I have more children. You know she wasn't planned. She was a consequence –one that I don't regret- but a consequence nonetheless of the actions that her irresponsible parents made."
Abby looked heartbroken, not necessarily because she actually wanted a baby, but more so because it meant she wouldn't be able to compete with Erin, and she'd have no other tool to use to monopolize his free time. She wanted to be on an equal playing field, and Abby wholeheartedly believes that in order to do that, she needs a baby, his baby.. Her face was strained almost as if she's pushing herself to cry and her eyes brimmed with tears. She had thought this entire thing through and because of how happy he was when he saw Emma, when he spoke of Emma and even when he thought of Emma, she figured he would be on board to have another baby, a baby made by the two of them, one carried by his actual girlfriend. She didn't expect rejection. She didn't like rejection. He was her first serious relationship, her first love and she wonders if that means anything to him. They appear to be more like friends than two people in a romantic relationship. She can't remember the last time he touched her, the last time he looked at her like he wanted her or even the last time he spent time with her where every part of him -thoughts and body- was present. She's afraid to come to terms with the idea of them drifting apart. Her shoulders tense up as her thoughts continue to spiral. Every time he failed on his promises, every time he left her to go visit his daughter and every time she went to bed alone or woke up alone, it broke her heart more and more. She didn't deserve this. Abby felt her bottom lip quiver and she felt a searing anger rise in her chest; he had the audacity to look as if he felt bad. That look barely fazed her, not like it normally would any other day.
"We barely spend any time together."
"I'm sorry," he pulled away and grabbed for his washcloth, "it's not on purpose but I'm still the new guy at work and I'm really trying to get my boss to like me so sometimes I have to stay late, sometimes I have to prove myself." Both of them know that's no longer true.
"… that's not the only thing that has your time; it's not the only thing that has your attention."
It was obvious who she was referring to, she's specifically talking about Erin. She wanted her boyfriend back. She wanted the Wisconsin, born and raised man she fell in love with, the one who may not have been happy but at least he was present. His eyes may have been hollow but at least he only had eyes for her. But, now, it just seems like the look she has always wanted him to give to her had been given to another woman, it had been given to two people, -Erin and Emma. He loved them. And that just wasn't acceptable. Not when she's still here, willing to take every flaw and every bad transgression he's thrown her way.
Jay ran the washcloth down his face, scrubbing his eyes and the corners of his mouth before throwing the washcloth into the sink. He'll get that tomorrow. He honestly didn't feel like doing something about it tonight. Jay had grabbed his toothbrush and toothpaste to immediately start brushing his teeth. The sooner he is done with it, the sooner he can go to sleep. He had hoped that his lack of response meant that the conversation was over, but by the way she's standing at the threshold of the bathroom door, arms crossed over her chest and bare foot tapping on the tiled floor, it let him know that it was far from over, she's not done with any of this, "You're never home anymore. You're always over there, Jay."
"Because my baby is over there Abs!" It felt like he was repeating this. It has been the same old argument and he had even told her that he would understand if she wanted to break things off; he had a lot of baggage now that she didn't deserve to carry. He invited a break-up, he encouraged it and she fought against it every chance she got, so now he's not understanding the problem. She chose to stay despite all of that, none of what she is saying is new, and the fact that this is what she chooses to argue about at this time of night is pissing him off.
"Erin is there too," she adds as an afterthought.
And Jay knows that's what all this is primarily about, it's not about him, or Emma, or even wanting to feel in love or be in love, it's about some one-sided competition with his kid's mother.
"Abby, you and I both know there's nothing I can do about that," the volume in his words start to build up as he starts to feel a vein pop out on his forehead that only seems to appear when he's on the verge of punching a hole in the wall, "she's my kid's mom! I can't do anything about that and neither can you! Erin is in my life forever because we share a kid, a child who isn't going anywhere! I'm a package deal, Abs!" the string of those words together -package deal- takes her back to her argument with Erin, takes her back to what Erin said, and just as she starts to ruminate on the fact that Jay said those exact words too, not even a few days later, she snaps out of it, realizing that he's still talking, "If you want to be with me, then you have to accept the fact that my priorities have changed and I have a baby who is the number one in my life now. I'll understand if this is too much for you, I get it, it would be too much for anyone but I'm done arguing about this. It's obvious you can't accept Emma-"
"I never said that," Abby interrupted in a loud plea.
"You didn't have to," he turns to resume brushing his teeth, using the loud pause to get his thoughts together. He spit out the toothpaste, brushed a few more times and then spit again before rinsing his mouth and the toothbrush, "I can tell based on your body language, based on the fact that anytime I bring her up, there's a pout or a scowl on your face, based on the fact that you don't want to see her, we agreed for you to meet her a second time, and when I try to schedule a day to make that happen, you go out of your way to make sure you're busy, you were ready to cancel even though it was initially your idea and I basically had to talk you into it again. How is there a future for us if you don't have the capacity to love my daughter?"
"…maybe one day I will," Abby whispers as tears pool in her eyes.
"…and maybe you won't," Jay sighs, flicking off the bathroom light and squeezing past her and the archway of the bathroom door, "but I don't think I can take that chance. Look Abs," he approached her and took a hold of her wrist, "you know I care about you," she noticed how he didn't say the word love, "but maybe it's time we actually do call it quits. You're ready for a baby and I'm not; I just had one and I don't know when or if I'll be ready for another one any time soon. I don't want to hold you back. I know you're looking to get married. I know you want a lot of things that I just don't want so I think it's best if we go our separate ways, not go on a break, but officially break up," he left it at that, dragging his feet over to the dresser to grab a clean shirt, "I'll uh," he goes to the closet to grab a duffel bag, "I'll go find someplace else to stay for the night because I don't think it's a good idea if I stay here."
Abby doesn't see any of this coming. Here she is in lingerie with a silk robe covering her surprise, and he's trying to break up with her, he's trying to leave her. No, she shakes her head, no, no, no, no, no, she will not let this happen, she will not lose him. Abby rushes over to him, snatching the duffel bag out of his hand and throwing it as far as she can, "you can't leave!"
"Huh," he's shocked by her boldness, "I can and I will."
"...but you can't, Jay, please, you can't."
"...and why can't I?"
"You know what that'll do to me if you leave me. You know I can't live without you."
"My therapist told me that's considered emotional blackmail. I don't have an obligation to stay and I don't have an obligation to your welfare. When you do that, you play on my feelings for you and that's not fair to me, Abby. You should want more for yourself, you should want someone that isn't with you out of fear of what you'll do when they leave."
"That's not it Jay."
"...then what is it?"
"Before you cheated, I was-"
"You've chosen to stay with me after knowing about the cheating, after knowing about Emma, my therapist says that's not on me anymore. She said-"
"Would you stop bringing up what that woman says?! Gosh!" Abby snapped.
"Let me finish this please," he whispered, struggling to remain calm despite her rising anger, "Milah helped me realize that threatening self-harm isn't a reason to stay, it's a reason to go. It would be good for both of us. I'm not good for you and you're not good for me. What you're doing is considered emotional abuse Abby, and I don't want to say you're doing it on purpose but now that I'm bringing it to your attention, you can't play coy like you don't know anymore. You still need help, and me leaving is the only help I can really offer you right now."
The fake tears didn't work so she stopped them which is frightening because one second they're pouring out and the next they're gone. She uses the back of her hands to wipe the tear residue off her cheeks, and when her posture straightens, he gets the sense that this is only the beginning.
"Where are you going to go?"
He doesn't answer. And she picks up on why. His lack of an answer is an answer.
"Oh," she lowers her head, "maybe um, maybe we can talk about this in the morning. I think it's just the exhaustion talking. I don't think you mean what you're saying right now."
Jay yanks the top drawer of his dresser open, "I do Abby, I think I was just too much of a coward to say anything at first but Emma," he paused his manic movements of stuffing clothes into his bag, not even caring about what he's grabbing, he just needed enough to sustain him for the rest of the week, "but Emma has changed me and I realized that life's moments are precious and I need to better myself for her."
"And bettering yourself doesn't include me?"
Jay doesn't answer that; he doesn't want to answer that. Instead he takes a new approach, "You love me," he stated it like a fact and she nodded in the affirmative, "but I care about you."
"You'll love me in time. I'm patient."
And apparently desperate, he thinks. He wants to waver, to give in because the look on her face makes him feel bad but he keeps Milah's words in mind. Guilt can be a small price to pay for a peace of mind. And he is smart enough to recognize that he has not had a peace of mind when in Abby's space in a long time. He can't recall the last time truly, which is alarming, and it's definitely an eye-opener. If he fears no peace if he leaves Abby, it says a lot that he hasn't had any peace since being with her. So, what is he really afraid of? Is it change? Is it being alone? Or is Milah right and it's the safety net that Abby brings, knowing she would never leave him?
You'll love me in time, he ruminates on Abby's last words. And honestly, Jay doesn't think he will. If he hadn't felt love for her at this point then he doesn't think he ever will, at least not the type of love one would expect in a romantic relationship. He didn't want her to follow him to Chicago; he didn't want her to give up her job. As he thought over the course of their relationship and as he specifically focused on the last few months, he realized that he may have actually wanted the break to result in a break up. She was his girlfriend but he treated her as a friend and he was her boyfriend but she treated him as a husband. This relationship wasn't healthy. And he needed to leave it. He resumes packing his duffel bag, pulling out the second drawer to add in a few pairs of boxers but Abby moves in and begins to unpack the bag that he's packing, "Abby, please stop. Let's not make this harder than it needs to be."
"What if we compromise?"
He ignores that and starts to put the clothes she had taken out back into his bag.
"You want to focus on Emma, I get that, and I want a baby so maybe we can meet in the middle, maybe, I don't know," she shrugged as the tears started to spill out of her eyes, "maybe I can adopt her or maybe we can go for sole custody. A two parent household is much better than one so I'm sure the courts will rule in our favor. We can raise your little girl. I know how much it kills you to have to leave her, but maybe we can fix that, maybe we can both get what we want!"
"Emma has a mother," Jay left no room for argument in his statement. He zipped up his duffel bag and grabbed the handles, "a great mother; a perfect mother. I can't do that to Erin; I can't take her daughter away from her. And I refuse to do that to Emma. I'm not going to tear a mother away from her baby, especially when she's a genuinely good mother. I won't do it!"
"I'll be her mother!" Abby screams, following him towards the front door, "I'll be a much better one! Emma will be lucky to have a mother like me!"
Jay yanks the front door open and turns to her to shout, "She has a mother!" And before he exits, she leans forward to push the door close, "Abby, I'm leaving here tonight, I'll be back to get the rest of my things later this week. There's nothing you can say or do to stop me."
This night isn't going the way she had planned. Hours ago, she had thought that right now they would be trying for a baby, not breaking up. She thought that he would be cursing Erin out, sending her away and distancing himself from her especially considering how the conversation ended with Erin. Is there truly anything Erin could do to send him away for good?! Abby's lost, a bit flabbergasted; she didn't see this coming. This was a complete 180 and it just doesn't make any sense. She didn't want him to leave. She didn't want to lose him. He had become her whole world, her whole life, her reason for living. She left Wisconsin for him. She left her job for him. She devoted her life to him, to his happiness and his well-being. She was willing to give up everything for him. But, he wasn't willing to do the same. That hurt more than the cheating.
And that's why desperate times call for desperate measures. She planned to hold off on showing him until it finished healing, until the color fully shined and the peeling stopped but she had to do something quick. She grabs the ties on her robe and begins to untie it, "Abby, don't-" and before he finishes, she drops her robe, showcasing her body and the decorative art designed on it.
"You said there's nothing I can say or do to stop you. I think you're wrong."
He stands there in shock, and the smile on her face tells him that she genuinely thinks him being speechless is a good thing. That couldn't be any further from the truth.
She reads his expression wrong, and instead of backing away and letting him leave before he said something he'd regret, she continues talking, "You're breaking up with me because you don't think I can love Emma. If I wasn't open to loving her, would I be willing to do this?"
It's been a while since Jay saw Abby in anything less than a full outfit; he'd completely forgotten about the tattoo she'd gotten, the one with his name printed in bold, cursive writing going across her chest, just inches above her heart. He didn't like it when she got it and he still doesn't like it now, but he's come to terms with it. It doesn't bother him anymore especially because he doesn't really have to see it. Out of sight, out of mind, however that saying goes. That tattoo is nothing foreign to his eyes, but the newest one that's been added is the one that's robbed him of his ability to speak, to think or move or just do about anything right now.
He opens his mouth, no words come out so he closes it, trying but struggling to wrap his head around the fact that right in the center of Abby's chest, a few inches below his tattooed name, much bigger and brighter and colorful than his tattooed name, staring right back at him is the tattooed image of his baby's face, dimples, eye color and all. It's the exact replica of Emma October Halstead, a mirrored image of his baby. What the fuck. He knows he has to leave, if he doesn't he may say or even worse, do something he'll later regret. Jay tightens his hand around his duffel and makes his exit, no last look or final word said, he leaves and slams the door behind him, leaving a fully exposed Abby, both physically and emotionally, in the hallway.
The door being slammed shut in her face registers late in her mind, it's delayed, so behind that Abby doesn't have an opportunity to beg and plead for him to stay. She moves to the front door and rests her forehead against it, shoulders shaking as she cries out to mourn the pause in her relationship. She refuses to look at it as a break up. She missed him already. She turned around, back pressed against the door as she used the solidity behind her to glide down onto her behind. She brings her knees up to her chest and wraps her arms around them as she rocks back and forth, side to side as she cries out for a man that she'll never bring herself to stop loving. Just the vision of him comforts her, imagining his voice soothing her, and the image of him eventually going to Erin's house has her gathering her robe and slippers and rushing out the door, hoping to stop him before it's too late.