Halstead couldn't find it in himself to drive right away. Instead, he sits in his car, staring out the windshield in what many would describe as a zombie-like trance. Everything over the last few months, over the last few years started to flash behind his opened eyes. She got his kid's face tattooed on her chest, how sick is that? She is of no relation to Emma and had the audacity to think it was a good idea to go to the tattoo parlor and sit for hours to get such a detailed and colorful sketch of his baby on her skin. He wonders to himself how she explained this to the tattoo artist, did she have them thinking she's getting her own baby's face tattooed or was she honest and admitted it's the baby of her boyfriend. He would hope if it's the latter then the artist would have refused to do the job or at least convinced her against the horrible idea.
His hands shake, his fingers tingle, rage builds up and manifests itself into the act of punching his steering wheel. He's supposed to be in bed right now. He's supposed to be asleep. He's not supposed to be sitting in his car, calming himself down while trying to figure out where the hell to go for the night. The obvious answer is to Erin's place, but he doesn't know how welcomed he would be, especially once he tells her why he finally left. She'd be understandably pissed, probably even with him, the fact that it took so long for him to open his damn eyes and see how truly delusional and lost Abby is will always be a haunting cloud above him. Only a crazy person would get a child -who is not their own- face tattooed on them, and why so big, why so colorful and why so exact? Honestly he'd be less mad if it was his face, but his kid, no, there is no coming back from that, there's no explanation for it. She's off limits and Abby crossed the line.
Jay reached into his pocket, grateful that he didn't forget his phone and shot off a quick text to Erin, making up his mind that he'll go there and having the sound of mind to at least send her a text to let her know he's on his way and will explain when he gets there. He buckles himself up and then starts the car, pulling out of the parking spot in hopes of putting as much distance between himself and Abby as possible. Unbeknownst to him, she pulls off just a few minutes after him.
Despite the cool night, and the darkened sky above his car telling him that it's about to rain, he rolls down all the windows in the car, hoping the breeze outside will keep him awake. The wind whips across his face, forcing his eyes to stay wide open. Unfortunately, he doesn't make it to her place before it starts raining, and when his exhaustion intensifies, he finds himself pulling into the nearest gas station for either a cup of cheap coffee or a caffeinated beverage. He doesn't care that it'll backfire and probably keep him up all night because with the rate his night is going, it's probably pointless to even try to get any sleep. He'll just toss and turn because every time he closes his eyes, he'll just see the tattooed image of his daughter, haunting him when he's awake and when he eventually plans to go to sleep. He gets back in his car, nursing the hot cup of coffee and sips as he checks his message. No response from Erin, yet that doesn't stop him. He sends off another text to her, then puts his phone back down to drink his coffee and watch the rain.
Erin hears her phone vibrate for the second time against the nightstand. It buzzes loudly, but she's busy and figures whoever is texting her can wait for a response, preferably one at a decent hour. She turns back to the screen, her reward for the night since she managed to check everything off her to-do list. Erin has one arm wrapped around her daughter's midsection while her back is leaned against her chest. With that one hand occupied, the other one is slowly moving across the touchpad on her laptop, clicking through pages in search of a movie to watch on Netflix. It's storming outside and she's home alone with Milo lying at the foot of the bed so the idea of watching a thriller or horror movie is definitely not up for consideration. She chooses a random comedy movie before using one hand to move her laptop to the end table.
It's hard to pay attention to it. It's hard to follow the plot because she has an infant wrapped up in one arm that drifts off for about five minutes before waking up and whining for another five minutes. It's hard to put her on Erin's schedule when it seems like Erin is on hers. And Erin putting her down for an earlier nap that lasted longer than usual didn't help. Erin focuses on the movie, laughing every so often at one of the jokes the lead characters would say until one of the jokes makes her laugh so hard and so loud that it startles her kid, sending her into a screeching wail, "Oh shit," her eyes widen and the thought of the movie is pushed to the back of her mind as she lifts her kid up with both hands and turn her around to bring her close, to rest her against her chest, "I'm sorry baby," she rubs her daughter's bare back, patting every so often until the wails turn into small whimpers and then the whimpers turn into low hiccups.
Her phone buzzed again; it's not a new text, but more so her phone reminding her that she has unread text messages. Since she's already distracted from her movie, and Emma's cries have settled down, she figures now is as good a time as any to read the message. She just hopes it isn't bad news but considering the hour of the day, she doubts it's good. Both messages are from Jay, and the frown lines appearing on her forehead has her curiosity spiked and her nerves on alert as she taps to open it. Her eyes skim the messages twice, and her response is simply okay. She doesn't question it but she knows there has to be a reason for this message at this time of night.
So, now she sits and waits, her anxiety rising as she hopes and prays he's safe, unhurt and drives carefully in the worsening weather outside. She lifts Emma up and scoots off the bed, holding her baby carefully in her arms as she walks over to the window, peering outside at the downfall as she scans the street below. It's foggy, completely unclear, and even on a good day she wouldn't be able to see much of the main street, but in this weather, it makes her simple apartment a few floors above ground level appear to be a high rise with the way the streets below are so obscure that she can't imagine driving in that. It's an early September storm, a late summer, almost fall, with the weather breaking and the sky opening up, only a speckled glow from the street light could be seen from her bedroom window. Whatever reason got him out of the house must have been important because no one should be driving in this.
Erin goes to grab her phone after hearing it buzz, if Emma wasn't in her arms, she would have jumped over her mattress. She's worried, and she hopes it's Jay telling her he's outside, but unfortunately it's Kim, -heard from the boss, we're working from home for the next two days, the storm isn't supposed to end until this time tomorrow, -KB. She doesn't respond, knowing Kim will only assume it's because she's asleep, instead she goes to Jay's name, finger hovering above the keys as she tries to decide what to say, -how far are you, she types then backtracks, erasing the message because she doesn't want him checking his phone or responding in this weather. She decides to give him a call, hoping the hands off approach will allow him to focus on the road and appease her worries at the same time, "Hey Er, sorry if my text woke you. I need a place to lay my head for the night and I really don't want to go to a hotel."
"Yeah, no, of course. I'll get the guest room ready for you. How far are you?"
"I'm searching for a parking spot."
"Okay, see you soon. Be safe." She hangs up, pockets her phone in her pajama pants and then settles Emma in her swing so she can prepare the guest room as she said. Any other day, she would have given pushback because him coming, practically unannounced to spend the night, goes completely against the boundaries she's setting in their relationship, but this is different. She can tell something is wrong, and since he was already on his way, she'd rather he be here to decompress in a safe environment than get behind the wheel and drive to another location. Erin makes the bed with the recently washed linen, fluffs the pillows and then checks to make sure the toiletries for guests are stocked in the guest room closet. Because it's last minute, she doesn't know if he was able to grab those smaller essentials.
She shuts the guest room door behind her and then stumbles when she nearly crashes into Milo. She didn't expect to see him out of his bed and sitting right in front of her. His head tilts, his ears are firm and stand tall above his head. Her German Shepherd has grown so big since they moved to Chicago, her puppy isn't really a puppy anymore, "Hi baby," she lowers herself to her knees and ruffles the fur between his ears, "up for a little company?" He wags his tail. She pecks his head and then ruffles it again before standing up, "want a treat?" It's obvious she's trying to keep herself distracted, if she has nothing to do then she'd worry and pace a hole in her floor. She knows he should be parked, he should be in the elevator, but when she goes to the front door and opens it to peer out into the hallway, she doesn't see him and she starts to worry again. She can't help but to wonder what the hell is taking him so long, but unbeknownst to her, by the time Jay finds a parking spot and is actually parallel parked, he's a block away from Erin's apartment and it's been a little over 15 minutes since he spoke to her on the phone.
He was absolutely exhausted, but he knows Erin is going to want answers. He couldn't blame her, it's past three in the morning and he's showing up at her doorstep in the middle of a shitstorm. Between a serial rapist being on the loose, and after days of investigating, they finally found him barricaded in an abandoned warehouse with no intention of leaving alive because the second cops pulled up, a shootout kicked off, ending in the way that their perpetrator had wanted. Between the shootout and the paperwork, it was no surprise that they finished everything so late.
When he had called Erin earlier in the day and she questioned his background, he had just arrived at the warehouse, and by the time he had to go, it was because everyone was rallied up to penetrate the building from all entry points. It was a hectic case, one he's relieved is closed and when they received a new case, fortunately for the team, Voight referred it to another team and gave them the next three days off, all of which he was going to enjoy and catch up on sleep, -Emma willing now that he'll be spending an indefinite amount of time here. He took a glance into the backseat of the car, the empty car seat strapped in as a permanent reminder to the joy that awaits him inside of the apartment. He wanted her to be asleep for Erin's sake but at the same time, after seeing and hearing about the tragedies in the world, he needed to see something pure, something innocent, something that'll brighten up his murky day.
Jay ran his hand down his face and sighed. He didn't bother taking off his seatbelt, it's still strapped across his chest so it limited his ability in reaching into the backseat to grab a pretty big sized teddy bear that he picked up hours ago when he got off only to be called back into work because their culprit was located. He unbuckles himself then tucks the bear beneath his arm as he hops out, closing his door and clicking the button on the keys to lock it before crossing the street, "Jay," he stops in the center of the road, turning around at the familiar voice and tensing up when he sees her face. Despite the downpour, he can make out her face perfectly.
"Abby, what are you doing here?"
"I missed you."
He maneuvers the bear to sit tucked beneath his arm then grabs her wrist, tugging her towards the awning connected to a closed store in order to protect them from the sky opening up.
"Abigail…" he whispered, releasing her wrist, shutting his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose, begging the gods above for a sense of patience to have this conversation, "I know this break up is hard but you're not making it any easier on yourself by coming here."
"…the teddy bear," she points out, nodding towards it. And even though he knows what it looks like, he can't help but to glance down at it. It's a medium-sized bear, light brown in fur and a red bowtie wrapped around its neck; he smiles at it because he hopes that this toy brings a smile to his daughter's face. It's a 50/50 shot to be honest because she barely got the hang of smiling. Abby clears her throat because she can tell that he got lost in his thoughts and she didn't know how long it would take for him to break out of it, "Is that for your daughter?"
"Who else would it be for Abby?"
"Her," she spats.
He ignores the way she says it. He overlooks it on purpose because in all the time she's had to process this, she hasn't gotten over it and at this rate, he knows for her that it'll be no getting over it. She was done wrong. She knows it; he knows it, and Abby loves to come around and keep reminding him, "Why would I buy Erin a stuffed animal?" He raises his hand to cut off any attempt to answer the question, "You know what? I don't want to know. Abby, I had a really long day. I just want to see my baby and then get some sleep."
"…see your baby," she repeats; her eyes are cast down to the ground. She looks ashamed. She looks embarrassed. Maybe she's regretting showing up here?
He steps forward, reaching out to pat her shoulder, hoping the gesture would cheer her up despite a small part of him feeling like she doesn't deserve to be cheered up. He had no intention of getting back together with her and he didn't want to give her any wrong ideas but he wasn't an evil person, he didn't like to see anyone, especially another woman upset and at his expense nonetheless. He squeezes her shoulder, smiling when the move coaxes her into looking up, "You missed me so you needed to see me," she slowly nods, "you saw me, so it's best if we now just go our separate ways." His hand drops from her shoulder, "separately," he emphasizes and she instantly misses his touch and when he takes a step back, she suddenly misses the smell of his cologne. He starts to turn around, bracing himself to step from under the awning, but the feeling of Abby's hand wrapping around his wrist, stops him, "Abs…"
"Just wait," she releases his hold, "please, just," she brings her hands up and presses them against her forehead, "I have more to say."
"Can you please make it quick? I'm trying to be nice here but you're really testing me." The drive from his place to Erin's had managed to calm him down but seeing her, hearing her is starting to frustrate him. He's just happy she covered the tattoo with a rain jacket so he's not reminded of it. If he sees it again, he just might throw her in the car and take her to a tattoo shop to have it covered. It still creeps him out. He shivers, not because of the weather but because he knows the tattooed image of his daughter's face on his ex-girlfriend's chest will haunt him.
"I didn't come here just to see you. I kept thinking about our conversation, about how I may have given off the impression that I can't love Emma the way a mother should, that I can't accept her but I came to prove you wrong," by the look on his face, she knows that he's confused, "you're going to love this Jay and I think once you see it you're going to want to get back together."
Jay struggled to stay awake at first but now the anticipation of seeing what she's talking about has given him a burst of energy. He moves the bear from beneath his arm to the center of his chest, using both arms to hold it up, pressed against him as Abby excitedly starts to lift up her shirt. He might actually consider walking into traffic if it's another tattoo.
"Wait," he reaches out his hand, looking around out of concern for her modesty because she's practically stripping on a public sidewalk, "What are you doing? Why are you taking off your shirt?" She giggles, completely unbothered even though in the past she was always self-conscious about her body. It was one of the differences that pulled him towards Erin, where she was confident and assertive, Abby was a bit insecure and passive-aggressive.
"It's fine," she reassured him, "no one is out here but us and if anyone is, the weather hides me." She drops her shirt to the ground. Her black bra is the only thing protecting her cleavage from the prying eyes of anyone that may be awake at this time, "You're going to love this. I know you are, Jay," she's practically bouncing on the balls of her feet. He sees his tattooed name, and then his eyes drift to Emma's face, and he sucks in a breath, immediately bothered again by the thought of her thinking it was a great idea to do some fucked up shit like that. He averts his eyes away, choosing to count the raindrops so he doesn't have to look at that disgusting ink.
"Can you just show it to me so I can go to bed?" His patience is running thin and she doesn't seem in any hurry to wrap this conversation up. Does she ever get tired?
Abby nods and bounds forwards, moving as close to him as he was willing to allow and before he could complain and growl out for her to just tell him, she turns around and lifts up her ponytail so he could see the full detail of the tattoo. It's huge and it spans across the left side of her back all the way to the right. It's big, it's bold, it's cursive and it's his daughter's name with a colorful butterfly tattooed on the edge of the A as if it had just landed. There are firework designs glittering her back, surrounding the name that would direct anyone's focus onto the name. And he's speechless. He's paralyzed as the hamster wheel in his head stops turning. His brain buffers, if his hands didn't reflexively clench around the bear, he would have dropped it.
"You left before I had a chance to show you all of it," she's so chipper and obviously so dense that she continues to read his silence wrong, and maybe a part of that is on him because he stormed out before explaining to her just how much he fucking hates that tattoo. He won't make that mistake a second time, but his mouth and brain aren't on the same page right now. His free hand goes back to pinch the bridge of his nose as his head slowly shakes, side to side, trying to clear the webs out of his head so he can formulate a string of words, but in the meantime, Abby takes advantage of his silence. Her ponytail is still held high, and she peers at him over her shoulder as she excitedly explains the meaning behind it,"I got the firework design around her name in honor of her birthday. You know, the fourth of July?" He hears her but he's incapable of responding right now, "I got her name in black that way it'll stand out. I know it's big, it takes up like half of my back but I thought it was worth it because she's worth it," she's smiling proudly and he can't stop staring at the tattoo. She thinks it's out of amazement, "I got the butterfly because I read they mean change and I'm changing for you and the baby." She closes her monologue with one final statement, "I am capable of loving her. I promise I am. I got this to show you. I think I'm going to get your name somewhere else too, much bigger than the first."
And it takes for her to put her shirt back on for him to snap out of whatever haze he had found himself in, probably because his daughter's name is not staring at him. It's too early, or too late. He hasn't been to sleep yet and a part of him wants to believe that all of this is a hallucination or maybe a nightmare? This can't be real life. Yet, he's reminded of his living reality when Abby reaches to cup his face with the palm of her hand, "Jay."
He grabs her wrist and yanks her hand away, "Why…why did you do that?"
She bats her eyes in confusion, "Do what? The tattoo?" He nods and now the confusion that was on her face starts to settle there as a permanent expression, "What do you mean? I got it for you and for Emma, I wanted to-"
"Don't," his clipped tone echoes in the night, "Don't say her name. You're getting that removed. You're getting all of it removed."
"Jay…"
"I'm serious, Abigail. I'll pay for it if you don't have the money. Shit. I'll schedule the appointment for the laser surgery but you're not keeping that tattoo."
Now she's growing upset, "You can't force me to get rid of it. I got a tattoo of your name over my heart," she shoves her finger into her own chest, right where his name resides, "because I love you so much. I got your daughter's name because of the same reason. These tattoos mean everything to me, Jay. I already lost you, I can't lose them too."
"Do you hear yourself, Abigail?! You can't lose them too? They're just tattoos!"
"And do you hear yourself, Jay?" She screams; her voice so loud that he knows it's going to wake a few people up, "Like you said, they're just tattoos so why are you acting like this?!"
"…because you got a tattoo of my daughter's fucking name and face! You crossed a line!"
"I didn't cross a line," she crosses her arms defensively, "I did it because I love you both."
"I don't care why you did it. I don't even care about you having my name tattooed on you anymore but you shouldn't have tattooed my baby on you. You don't just do things like that. She's not your child; you don't tattoo someone else's kid's name on you. Like how," he raises his hands to press the tips of his fingers against the side of his face, not even caring about the teddy bear falling to the pavement, "I- I'm just failing to see how you could have possibly convinced yourself that this is something that I would be okay with, that this is something that'll win me back. If anything, you've managed to push me farther away. Get rid of that tattoo Abby, I'm serious," he grabs the bear by the arm and lifts it back up, "and stay the hell away from me."
"…but…but I need you," she stutters; the tears on the horizon and Jay rolls his eyes at her desperate need to keep him here, "I tried the whole being single thing and I don't like it. I'm ready to take you back so just grab your things and come on. Let's stop playing this game."
"You say that as if you kicked me out, as if you're the one that ended things."
Rolling her eyes in what seems to be a joking manner before chuckling, she replies, "I know I didn't break up with you but I know you felt forced to break up with me because of the guilt. You thought you were doing me a favor, you think I deserve better than you and I'm here to let you know that we're better together than apart. We make a good team and we'd be crazy to let that go. You thought I wouldn't be capable of loving your daughter. Those tattoos say otherwise; they prove that I love her, just as much, maybe even more than I love you."
Jay fixes his face with a hard glare, standing on the sidewalk, clenching a teddy bear as his mind tries to process her thought pattern. He didn't get her. He couldn't understand her. Was she always like this? Was she always this delusional? Was his guilt blinding him from the truth? Was it making excuses for her, trying to rationalize all of her behavior? He feels her hand brush against his cheek in its attempt to cup his jaw but his free hand flies up to grip her wrist, tightening his hold as he yanks her hand away, "Getting a tattoo of my daughter's name on you doesn't prove your love for her; it just proves how fucking delusional you are," the hopeful smile on her face falls, "You got my kid's name tatted on you and when Erin finds out…"
"I don't care if she finds out. She has nothing to do with this."
"She has everything to do with this! She's Emma's mother for goodness sake! How would you feel if she tattooed your kid's name and face on her?"
"It's not the same thing," she feels his grip tighten around her wrist and her teeth clench, "Jay, you're hurting me. Let my wrist go," his eyes are glossed over; he's angry, practically steaming and blinded by rage and all he can think about is that tattoo on her back, that tattoo of his baby's name imprinted in large font across half of her back, "Jay! Please!" He snapped out of it and released her wrist.
He doesn't apologize; he simply shakes his head to clear his thoughts before ordering, "Get rid of that tattoo, Abigail. I don't care how you do it? Laser surgery? Maybe another tattoo to cover it up? Or shit, I don't know, maybe you'd rather cut the skin off. I honestly don't give a fuck what you do about it as long as you do something about it. Get rid of it." He walks away.
It's scary the side of yourself a person can bring out of you. None of what just happened is like him. He's turning into something, someone he isn't and that's almost as scarier as the person Abby is turning into, both of them have become unrecognizable since moving to Chicago.
Abby is shouting, calling out his name, begging for him to come back, to hear her out and let her explain but he already knows that there's no amount of explanation that'll get him to see where she is coming from. He won't get it. She won't get it. And he doesn't want to waste his time trying to get her to understand. He lets himself into the building, catching the elevator and uses the ride to brush the gravel off the back of the bear. He'll have to clean it a bit more thoroughly before giving it to his kid. By the time the elevator doors open, he's dragging his feet and pulling the keys out of his pocket. He's careful as he steps inside, not wanting to wake Erin or Emma if they're asleep and after closing and locking the door, he's greeted by Milo, prancing up to him as if he was missed, "Aw buddy," he leans down to rub him behind the ears, "I've missed you too."
"Hey," he hears her voice and he startles because he expected her to be asleep, "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I thought you heard me walk up."
He straightens, "Hey, what are you doing up?" He notices the baby monitor in her hand and he can hear the soothing tone of the melody that comes from the mobile hanging above Emma's bed. Erin waited up for him; Emma apparently did not. He couldn't blame her, considering the time of night it is, she had the right idea. And if all goes as planned, he wouldn't be too far behind her, but since Erin is awake, he knows it'll be awhile for that to happen considering the look in her eyes has curiosity all in them. She has questions, that much is obvious, and since he's coming to her home at such a late hour, she deserves for him to answer them.
Erin pats her thigh, alerting for Milo to come over, "I just fed your kid and put her back down. I was watching her sleep, those sweet little sighs she lets out as she sleeps are just everything. I recorded it and I hope this doesn't sound weird but I'll probably watch it every chance I get." She approaches a safe topic, one that manages to immediately calm him down after his recent conversation with Abby. Emma is his comfort zone, his safety zone; his shoulders relax.
"I don't think it sounds weird at all. In fact, I'd wager that it would be a good idea if you sent me that video," he smiles despite the anger and frustration that is still coursing through every inch of his body, slowly but surely working its way out,"It's really late and I should probably get some sleep but I think I'm going to peek in on her, maybe watch her breathe for a little bit," he smiles and readjusts the grip he has around the bear before maneuvering around Erin in the hallway, being careful not to touch her, not to brush against her because that spark, that urge to hold her is strong with her just in his presence so he can't imagine what it'll do with actual, physical contact.
He doesn't make it to Emma's room before Erin speaks, inconsequentially halting him in his quest to get to the nursery, "The bear is nice. The bowtie on it is the cutest. I'm sure Emma's eyes will light up when she sees it."
"I hope so..." He looks down at it, a longing look in his eyes because all he wants to do is make his daughter happy, to see the light in her eyes that the simple things in life bring out in them.
Erin catches it. She pouts, "Is everything okay, Jay?" She moves closer, reaching to grab his hand and brush her thumb along his knuckles, "You seem out of it."
"I'm just tired."
She knows that's part of the truth, "I bet," she doesn't push him to tell her more because she trusts their friendship; she knows that he'll eventually tell her, he always does, "When's the last time you got any sleep?"
"…and," he doesn't bother answering her question because he has something else to add on to his last statement, "I ran into Abby, out front. I broke up with her, that's why I needed a place to stay last minute. She followed me here, apparently she misses me." She knew he would tell her without needing to ask. For him, it felt so good to get that out to someone other than Abby.
"Do you miss her?"
He reads between the words. They aren't together, they aren't in a relationship but there is something there, there is something between them, something other than co-parenting. It's the primary reason why boundaries had to be set between them. He knows the answer to the question, if he answers right, will mean the world to her so he's honest with himself and with her, "No. I don't," a smile teases her face, "I just wanted the conversation to be over. She just made me so angry. I almost pushed her. I wanted, actually wanted to shove her away from me, Erin. What's wrong with me?! That's not like me, but she crossed a line and all I saw was red. I've never really lost my cool like that before and it scares me that someone was able to bring that out of me. I'm a cop for goodness sake, I can't afford to lose my head but she's trying me."
"What did she do?"
"She got another tattoo."
"...another tattoo," she tries to piece together just what sent him over the edge. Couples get tattoos all the time of their partners, that wasn't off putting, and she dislikes Abby so she wouldn't be the first to defend her, "was this after you've ended things," because then she can understand his frustration, but when he shakes his head, the lines of confusion on her forehead deepen, "Now Jay, you know I already think Abby is more delusional than anyone gives her credit for, but I'm not following here. She got a tattoo of your name, well another one, since the two of you have been dating. It's weird considering you don't even have at least one of her, but I don't see how it led to this night turning into a shitshow for you."
She would have no reason to think the tattoo is of Emma, no one's mind would naturally go there. Erin assumes the tattoo is of his name, or of his face, or of something involving him and while she wasn't totally off on that last part, it was worse than her mind would allow her to imagine. And before Jay could clear things up, before he could ruin her peaceful morning by lighting the protective flame that burns inside of her body, the baby monitor in her hand alerts them to their daughter waking up once again, "I'm sorry," she says because she knows he has more to say, "but your kid has horrible timing. Did you want to give her the bear now?"
He looks down at it, "Not yet. I dropped it on the ground outside."
That's all the explanation he needs to provide because she knows him and how protective he is of their little girl. He leaves the bear on the floor and she shoots Milo a warning look to leave it alone before walking alongside him to their daughter's nursery, "This might sound weird," she whispers for no reason because their kid is up so there's honestly no point in talking in such a low volume, "but if I had to be accidentally knocked up, I'm glad it was you who did it."
He wraps his hands around the edge of the crib, peering down into the eyes of his daughter before honestly saying, "I'm glad it was too. She's so perfect in every way, shape and form and our genetics created this. It's unbelievable to think about sometimes. If I had a kid with anyone else, if you had a kid with anyone else, she wouldn't exist, she wouldn't look like this, she might have been born a boy; there are so many alternatives that could have happened if I never left the bar with you that night."
"Technically, I left the bar with you."
Jay laughs low. It's quiet in the room and he doesn't want to startle the baby by laughing loudly. He reaches into the crib, lifting up her small figure. And to think they've all been this size at one point, they've all been this innocent and pure until people and the world and politics tainted them all. He brings her close because all she wanted was comfort. She isn't hungry and her diaper isn't full and even though his chest isn't as fluffy as her mom's chest, he's good enough. He never disappoints her. With the way she's always looking at him, at her mom, they're her world, her center because without them there would be no her and every decision they make will affect her in every way, "The tattoo isn't of my name or my face." He shivers at the thought of her getting his face tattooed on her. He hopes she never does that.
Erin is still struggling to follow along. She wants him to just spit it out but now that he's lost in looking in the baby's eyes, she forces herself to wait because Emma will pick up on the change in mood and if she pushes, his mood will build up and transfer to the baby. She waits for him to lead the conversation, but he starts to pace back and forth, obviously growing upset, and rambling under his breath over whatever new thing that Abby has done that has him so pissed off. Emma's along for the ride, assuming he's talking to her and as long as he doesn't put her down, she's content. She'd stay in his arms all day.
"and then…and then she has this," he waves his hand towards his chest, "this tattoo here of Emma…of her face and she-"
"Wait," Erin closed her eyes and held up her hand, her attention snapping away from the baby once his words registered, "she has a tattoo on her chest of what?" She doesn't believe she heard him right. No, she knows she didn't hear him right…because that's crazy.
"Emma's face," he answered, and before she could respond, he added, "and a tattoo of Emma's name on her back."
"She got my baby, my baby's face and name tattooed on her!" baring her teeth and clenching her fists, she moved closer towards him, "What the fuck is wrong with your ex, Jay? Seriously, what possessed her to think that it's okay, to think that you would fall into her arms if she gets my fucking child's face and name permanently inked on her body?! It's not her kid!" Inhaling a sharp breath of air she tries to slow down her racing heart before calmly whispering, "You're going to need to arrest me," she noticed the confusion that flashed in his eyes, "because when I see her, I'm going to kill her."