Alone

A/N: First a Castle jealousy fic, and now a Kate jealousy fic! I hope you enjoy! This takes place during 8x14, when Castle is in LA.

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Beckett came back from the precinct at two in the morning, bone-weary and slightly aggravated. She checked the loft - no sign of Martha, thankfully, and Alexis was in LA with Castle and Hayley. She was here alone.

It felt strange to Kate, being here without Castle, though. Sure, she'd lived with him for the better part of three years, more or less, but it didn't exactly feel like home anymore. She'd been sneaking in nightly for the past few weeks, without Martha and Alexis knowing the truth.

Kate always had to be on her guard. This thing with LokSat… it was too precarious. She and Rick had decided no one could know about them. Not Ryan and Esposito, not Martha and Alexis, no one.

It kind of reminded Kate of the early stages of their relationship. When they'd had to sneak around behind everyone's backs, to keep Gates from finding out. It had felt so important then, so monumental in the story of their lives. If only they could see what they'd become. What they'd go through, just to cling to one another in the drowning darkness LokSat had thrust upon them and their relationship. It was almost silly, how hard they'd fought against anyone finding out. How much more important the ruse was now that their secret had to remain a secret.

(Sometimes, she was glad she and Castle were out in the open, able to celebrate their love with the people in their lives. But sometimes… sometimes she got a little thrill, too - a guilty, shameful little thrill - of having him all to herself once more.)

She put on a pair of his pajamas, oversized and easy to be wrapped up in. His scent clung to every available fabric in their - his - bedroom, and she spread out across the bed on her back like a starfish, hoping to drown in it.

God, she missed him. Which of course, in the moment, felt ridiculous. She'd just seen him yesterday morning. But she hadn't slept at the loft last night. He'd been afraid that with his early morning flight to LA that someone would catch her there, and they both agreed it was best she stay away.

She knew she missed him. It was sad, really. She'd spent several weeks out of his bed, and that ache had been substantially worse than this one. But she couldn't deny it, lying there alone, that she longed to hear the sound of his voice, to tell him goodnight.

She wasn't sure she wanted to hear about what he'd learned yet, though. That felt like a conversation that would need to wait until he was home.

Rolling onto her side, she pulled out her phone. She stared at his photo hovering above his name, debating whether she should call. It was just after 11 p.m. in LA. What if they were all awake, and Alexis or Hayley saw his phone? What would they think about her calling at this late hour?

She swallowed. It didn't matter. She could blame it on the case, if need be. She had enough of the details from Ryan and Esposito that she could make it work.

She dialed. It rang twice before his bone-weary voice answered. "Hey." She heard shuffling, a door being opened.

"Rick! Let's go!" Hayley moaned in the background, and… what was that? It sounded like Castle was breathing heavily.

Kate opened her mouth to speak, but Castle grumbled, "Can I call you back?"

Her mouth fell open. "Yeah. Uh. Sure."

"Alright, one second." Then he hung up.

Kate stared at her phone, stunned. What the hell had just happened?

Kate never thought twice about Castle going to LA with Hayley. After all, Alexis would be there. But why had he sounded like that? Like he'd been upset with her for calling. Her mind tripped over itself, not making any sense in her sleep-deprived haze. Surely it was nothing, she reasoned. She stared at her phone, willing him to call back.

A few minutes later, the phone vibrated. She pursed her lips, answering. "Hey."

It was like a new man was on the other line. She could almost hear the smile in his voice as he purred, "Hey there."

Kate narrowed her eyebrows. "What was… that about?"

Castle sighed, all false bravado leaking out of him. "Tonight didn't… go the way I hoped."

Kate's chest tightened. She blinked, not sure where this sudden surge of jealousy was bubbling up from. She'd never felt threatened by Hayley before. (Should she have?)

"Oh?"

"Turns out, the lead we were following was a bust."

"In the case." Kate frowned.

He paused. "Yes, the case."

"The one you got from that mysterious note."

"Yeah. The one from the photo I texted you. I'm surprised you haven't talked to the guys about it."

"No. No, I have." She thought about how busy she'd been today. Locked down in court for hours, only to be bogged down with paperwork that had stacked up, undone, since she'd been devoting most of her time to LokSat. She was surprised she'd gotten even ten minutes to catch up with the boys before they'd finally left for the night.

He shifted, and she could tell he was on his bed. It reminded her of other long distance calls they'd had, when she was in DC. Even those problems seemed so far away now. "Oh. Okay then," he said.

"The two serial killer thing…" She clicked her tongue. "I got the rundown from Ryan and Espo. If you guys solve this… it's a pretty big double whammy."

He took in a deep breath, like he was finally settling down, finally getting comfortable. It made her smile. She wondered if just talking to her was enough to get him to relax. "Not 'if,' Beckett. When."

She grinned. Always so cocky, her husband. She supposed he'd earned it, though. "I don't wanna talk about the case," she murmured, and snuggled deeper into the covers. "I wanna know why you and Hayley sounded so irritated when I called."

Castle chuckled. "Hayley? Why are you asking about Hayley?" Kate said nothing. Even now, she knew how stupid it sounded. She was just tired and grumpy; that was all. She just had a shitty day and was looking for someone to take it out on.

Castle gasped. "Kate. You're not… jealous, are you?"

She scoffed. "Of what?" She thought about mocking Hayley's tone, her irritation when Kate had called, but she knew it would do nothing but convince him that he was right.

"I don't know. You tell me."

She thought about it. It seemed like even a partial truth was the way to go here. A way to discourage him from taking her annoyance too seriously. "I just wish I could be the one there with you, is all." She knew they had to continue on with their charade. But it didn't mean she liked it.

"I know. I do too," he murmured softly, and it touched her in a way that almost made her sick to her stomach. God, she missed him.

"So, perhaps in that way, I might be a little jealous."

Castle sighed. "I get it. But… in case there's more to it that I'm too tired to pick up on, you need to know: you're the only woman for me, Kate."

Kate's stomach somersaulted. It always did this, every time she realized how lucky she was to have him. That despite her myriad of stupid, reckless mistakes, he'd still loved her so openly from day one. He'd still taken her back, each time she hurt him. She was so goddamn lucky.

"I know," she sighed in response. Her cheeks hurt, from the way her smile split across her face.

"Besides. I'm not entirely sure Hayley is straight."

Kate laughed. "What?"

"I don't know. It's hard to tell. Don't you agree?"

She snickered again. "I-I guess? I'm not sure I ever really thought about it."

"Just me then?" She could practically hear his eyebrows waggling conspiratorially.

She lightly smacked the bed, pretending she was smacking him. "Castle!"

She could hear the grin in his voice. "I'm kidding. And if you needed any other reason not to be jealous, need I remind you that Alexis is here. You have nothing to worry about."

"I know. I trust you." She pulled his pillow to her face, breathing deep. "I just miss you, is all."

He was quiet for a moment, and then he replied, "I miss you too." She said nothing, just listened to the sounds of his breathing from the other line.

When they were long distance, they'd do this sometimes. Just lie there, listening to the other breathe or watching the other's face on video chat. It was the closest they could be when too many miles were keeping them apart.

This moment felt like that. Like it was heavy; like the longing was a weighted object being placed upon her chest. In the stillness of the night, surrounded by nothing but reminders of him and the distant sounds of city life from outside her windows, she focused on the steady sound of him through the line. It felt like he was right next to her.

Kate suddenly ached for him. It hit her like a freight train, and Castle seemed to pick up on the hitch in her breathing. "Are you okay?"

Kate pursed her lips, nodding even though he couldn't see her. "Yeah. I'm fine."

"You sound… different."

Her eyes burned, but she told herself it was merely from exhaustion. (She knew it wasn't.)

"Come home soon, okay? Figure out what you need to figure out, and just…" She inhaled an unsteady breath. "Come home to me."

Castle was quiet on the other line for so long, she wondered if perhaps he'd fallen asleep. But then he cleared his throat, clearly working to hide some deep-rooted emotion he didn't want her to hear. "I will. I promise."

It was enough. For now. "And then, after we've properly reunited," she whispered salaciously, "Then we can talk. About anything you want. Okay?"

He seemed barely able to force out the word, but he murmured, "Okay." Then she yawned, involuntarily. Castle hummed into the phone, hearing her. "Goodnight, Kate," he whispered knowingly. She felt it vibrating along her bones like a tuning fork, soothing her in the way that only his voice did.

"Goodnight, Rick," she whispered back, and then added, "I love you."

"I love you too. I'll see you soon, okay? I promise."

"I know."

She hung up the phone, and fell asleep clutching it, and his pillow, to her chest.