Chapter 5:
The maze was winding, and as they walked through it in silence, Hermione wondered what exactly the man in front of her could remember. He didn't recall her, but she wasn't really a considerable part of the overall course of his life. She wondered if he recalled Harry?
As her thoughts ran, she felt her body start to give some in the real world. She realised she would likely need to get some water and return, perhaps make herself comfortable to continue her work with him.
"Sir, I need to alter where my body is currently. I shouldn't be long, I can navigate my way back to you, given we have gone this far together. Would you mind pausing a moment?"
He looked at her quizzically, "Why did you call me 'sir'?"
Well, so much for trying to keep certain facts to herself. Shrugging, she responded, "Old habit, would you mind waiting for me here?"
He nodded to give her permission, and before she pushed her way out of his mind, she heard him say, "You can call me Severus if we are to continue on this journey together, Hermione."
She gave him a light smile and then pushed her way out of his mind.
It was so strange, seeing him… almost kind? She was unaccustomed to that side of Snape, or Severus, she thought. He did play as a spy most of his life. Perhaps this was who he truly was at his core.
Gathering herself, she transfigured a vial from the shelf into a glass and said, "Aguamenti," quickly gulping the water down.
She looked at the room around her and decided it would be best to transfigure the stool into a recliner of sorts so her body could lay prone while she was in his mind. It would prevent her from passing out and hurting herself by spending too much time in an unconscious mind.
With a wave of her wand, she created said recliner and began to adjust its placement next to the bath so her head would be next to his feet, and she could see his head from where she lay. Deciding in an afterthought, she summoned an empty jar, transfigured it into a towel, and placed it over the bath to cover him from his waist down. That made her feel slightly better about retaining the man's privacy. Taking a deep breath, she made herself comfortable and then pointed her wand at him once more.
"Legilimens."
She poked her way in much quicker this time and almost immediately found him in the maze waiting patiently where she had left him.
"You lasted remarkably longer in here than I expected. You must be a very accomplished witch. What was your full name again?" he said casually as they continued down the path.
She couldn't help but beam at the compliment as she answered, "Hermione Granger."
"You said you were a muggleborn?"
"I did," she dared not reveal anything else.
They rounded a corner, and before he could respond, they noticed a bright light at the end of their current path.
"What is that?" she asked, following him cautiously.
"I think these are our obstacles…"
He continued onward, and she kept close behind him.
"Should we go into it?" she asked him, as this was his mind.
Stopping just in front of the light, she watched him consider it.
"I believe we will have to if we want to continue on."
She considered the expression etched on his face as he looked into the light. It was one of desperation but also, maybe, fear. He finally looked at her and said, "Are you sure you would like to continue this journey with me?"
Nodding in response, "Of course."
He searched her eyes and must have seen her sincerity because he turned and walked directly into the light. She quickly stepped in after him.
They were in a living room; Hermione could tell it was a muggle house, given the presence of a television and other muggle appliances. The room contained a singular small sofa where a man sat watching the television. If she had to hazard a guess, this was his father. There was some resemblance, the primary being the slight curve of his nose. Severus was clearly uncomfortable, which added to her belief in the identity of the man.
"E'leen, get me another beer," the man grunted loudly.
No answer came; this time, he shouted, "Woman, I said get me a drink!"
After another beat of silence, a small boy of maybe around seven came running into the room, a drink in his hand.
"Here, papa," the boy said quietly, handing the man a bottle.
The man grunted at him, "Go find your mother, tell her to get in here."
Hermione and the adult Severus watched on as the boy skittered out of the room. She looked up at Severus and whispered, "Are you alright?"
He nodded, "This is going to be difficult. Could you do me a favour?"
"Yes, of course."
He took a deep breath, "Don't let me leave."
She was confused but nodded without responding because, after this, young Severus ran back into the room, a woman following behind him.
"Severus said you called for me, Tobias. Is everything alright?"
Hermione looked on at the man, Tobias, who sat ignoring the woman at first. She had a feeling where this was headed and wasn't sure she could bear it herself, much less force Severus to live through it again. But he was right — this had to be part of the maze.
Just when she thought perhaps nothing would happen, Severus's mother opened her mouth to speak again. Before she could get out a word, Tobias Snape stood and slapped her, hard. Though she didn't fall, she staggered backwards while little Severus looked up at her with tears in his eyes, but the woman just stood clutching her cheek, a blank look on her face.
"Mum?" little Severus whispered, reaching for her.
Tobias had returned to his seat and continued to drink, ignoring the two other bodies in the room.
The woman, Eileen, was her name, ambled out of the room.
Little Severus followed closely after, and Hermione realised they needed to follow. She grabbed the adult Severus Snape's arm and pulled him along, leading them to a small kitchen.
"Mum, are you alright?"
Eileen had plastered on a smile for him, "Of course, dear, why wouldn't I be?"
The young boy shifted uncomfortably before saying, "Papa hit you."
His mother shook her head, "No, no. That was just a misunderstanding. Sometimes I forget things or do something wrong. Everything will be alright, Severus."
Hermione looked over at the adult Severus, who had tears welling up and was stunned. She had never known the man to show emotion, but then again, who wouldn't when faced with… this?
The room began to fade around them, and they found themselves in the winding maze once more.
She paused, letting him sit in the moment, realising she still had a hand on his arm. He hadn't shrugged her away, so she took this as a sign to continue to comfort him.
"Severus, I'm so sorry."
He shook but did not allow tears to escape him.
"Thank you." His words were sincere, and she wondered if the man would have made it through the memory without her by his side.
"I'll be here the whole time," she reassured him.
They began to walk, initially in companionable silence, but he finally broke the monotony of their dulcet steps.
"My father was… never a father. A terrible husband and just a whelp of a man in general. My mother, though, I remember her as kind, loving, and then… I remember nothing at all. It's like she disappears."
She considered this, "Do you think that your memories of her are just foggy because of…" she gestured around them.
He shook his head in response, "No, I think she just became increasingly more absent because of him." He spat the word 'him' with the vitriol she was accustomed to hearing her former professor having.
"I see." She paused. Though her childhood was a fairly positive one, she recalled a cousin of hers who was adopted. He had been in foster care for something similar, and Hermione knew the boy was very closed off when she first met him around age nine.
Before she could muster up other words of… sympathy, perhaps, she wasn't even sure what use they would've been, he spoke.
"I believe the memories I will have to face to move on, so to speak, will be among my worst. That may simply just be how my life was, and I have the sincerest belief that positive memories are few and far between when it comes to my life."
Before she could stop herself, she said, "We."
He looked at her quizzically.
Clarifying, "You said 'I will have to face', but I'll be with you the whole way, Severus."
His face was… difficult to parse. But he simply nodded in acceptance of her words, and they continued on their path.
"How was your childhood?"
The question came from seemingly nowhere; it was her turn to be confused. "I'm sorry?"
"You will be getting to know me on a very intimate level by helping me wade through my memories. I only ask so this does not feel like a one-sided venture on your part. We're both human, after all." That was valid enough, she thought. The man was putting his entire life on repeat for her eyes to see. The least she could do was share part of her childhood.
"But if you would prefer not to share…" he started, and she cut him off.
"No, no. Sorry, I was just thinking. I don't want to discount the difficulties you've faced in your life. I'd think my life has been… well, honestly, very easy in comparison. If I tell you of the minor things I've experienced, I fear you'll think I'm being…" She stopped at this. She wasn't sure what she thought he'd think. But it wasn't a positive thought.
He gave her a light smile, "Ah, I see. No, I would not think any less of you or your difficulties in life in comparison to my own. Everyone experiences life in all its ups and downs, but that does not discount our own experiences, no matter the level of happiness or unhappiness."
That was remarkably profound for a man she once thought so cold. It seemed there was much more to Severus Snape than she had ever considered possible. Considering her response briefly, she began with the easiest place to begin.
"My parents were, well, they are both muggles—retired dentists. I'm an only child… They are– were great parents. I wasn't allowed sweets often because of the dentist thing. Their business was their pride and joy. I think they'd always hoped I'd go on to become a dentist, too." She felt as though she was rambling, so she tried to focus on certain aspects of her childhood.
"In grade school, I didn't have many friends. I was picked on for always being the first to answer questions or being too bossy with the few friends I'd make. Both things were true, though: I was an overachiever, and I have a tendency to be bossy," she laughed.
"When I received my Hogwarts letter, though, I was thrilled. I had always felt… different. I could do things that defied physics; the letter explained everything. My parents were hesitant, but they were much more open to the idea after Professor McGonagall explained things. I struggled with the same problems that first year. I was a bossy know-it-all. But I made some good friends after some time."
Leaving it at that, she hoped it would sate some of his curiosity regarding her without giving too much away that would trigger his memory of knowing her. That would make it much more challenging to push through if he recalled it.
"Interesting. You did not strike me as bossy, but we have just begun. I can certainly see qualities of intelligence due to your even being here, but I do not see how that would cause bullying or isolation. Children are fickle that way. I did not have many friends myself, to my recollection."
"Give me time, Severus. Being bossy is one of my best qualities as an adult," as she said this, she swung an arm out to push him backwards because she saw a ball of light.
Falling against him into one of the hedges, the ball of light hurdled past them and just before it rounded the corner, it faded into a little girl with bright red hair.