"Please bring in the next subject for testing."
A group of men and women stood in the room, wearing PPE, surrounding a medical chair in the middle of the room that was lit by a lone light.
Andrew Bunsen squinted at his clipboard, then back at the doorway when the doors slid open – a sound that used to not bother him. But now it sure as hell did. Every time a new code appeared on his Holo, he was fucking terrified. Terrified that it was going to be… Him.
Bonnie.
He felt a painful lump in his throat when the doors slid open and brought in the next prisoner. He could have let out a full sob of relief when he saw that the subject was not Bonnie.
"Don't worry," the guards assured him. "You will never see your brother here." But that was all they said.
After it made the news, he was given reassurances. "We know he's not dangerous, he is just brainwashed." "There has to be some reason why."
"Just bring him back to us, and he will be saved."
Even if Andy did believe them, he couldn't even help them. He had just as much of an idea where Bonnie was as everyone else did. He was fucking kicking himself now. His empty promises to give Kin a new life once he got his own place still rang in his ears, knowing that it was only to satiate him, and never a serious possibility. And now they would never be fulfilled. And instead of handling it like a normal fucking human, Bonnie decides to commit war crimes.
If Andy had stayed with him that next day, maybe things would be different for them.
"Where is he? I told everyone what I know. I'm only here for Cruise." There was a certain fire to him. A fire that Andy had seen many, many times before, and a fire that was always put out.
"This is number 1564XB, control. Please, state your name."
"Where am I? Who are all these people?"
Andy squeezed his eyes closed. Oh he hated it when the prisoners didn't follow orders. He was braced for the scream that came out of Basil before it happened. Only after Basil had recovered from the jolt did the administrator say it again.
"State your name."
"B-Basil Oberoi." He looked around again at everyone, faces covered in masks. "I already answered all your questions. I told you what I know!"
"Mark down results." Andy marked it down on his tablet under the tab of Mental Status. Lucid.
Section II: Motor Function and Balance
"We will now test a few things. Please follow instructions," said the administrator.
Forearm to Table (side)
Forearm to Box (side)
Extend Elbow (side)
…It was so familiar to him, as he had run this test far too many times. But for once it was nice to see someone scoring well on these tests. Nowadays… That was somewhat of a rarity.
Andy followed, giving the rankings he thought were appropriate. They would be looked at against the professionals, and he just wanted to show them he was learning quickly and could do a good job. That was the whole reason he had a roof over his head right now… The whole reason he was living well. And Bonnie was once just as well-to-do. And now he wasn't.
Andy blinked a few times, realizing that they were testing balance and quickly looking at his holo, trying to catch up, before realizing he already did all the inputs, like a robot, without even thinking. Even with hands bound, Basil easily passed the balance test. This would serve as the control for Basil.
Every supplement and medication test required a good control. It was science.
"Please record results." Andy quickly skimmed through his calculations. He just… He had to stay focused. Dad was gone, Kin was there with him now and Bonnie was gone. His career, his prestige, that was all he had left.
"We will now move to the Sensory exam."
Fuck.
Andy hated the sensory exam. He was braced for the screams once more – first when a needle was inserted into his calf, again when a brand was burned on his arm. Hot, cold, dull, sharp. It was all part of the data they needed to collect. It was for the greater good. Who better to test these drugs than those that had nothing left to lose? After all, their serum was able to keep Adrian alive for five days after he stopped eating and drinking completely. Five days. It was miraculous, it was a breakthrough. What a day of celebration.
But Andy still saw the look in his eyes when he closed them. The look of a man that was begging for death.
But Adrian was a monster. He deserved for his suffering to be drawn out that way, hell he was a dirty fucking murderer that cruelly killed his whole family. And something good came from his existence – discovery. This could really be used to help people someday. That was all Andy ever wanted…
Again, numbers were typed, comments put in, like a machine. To survive in this line of work… That was what he had to be.
Section IV: Reflexes
The group of doctors leaned in close as the administrator used the reflex hammers on a few different parts of Basil's body. Not even telling him what was happening… But Andy knew that if he was here, he was probably just like the rest of them. He didn't seem to be lying. He didn't seem like a terrible person, not like the others he had seen here. The ones that were trying to overthrow the government and create a world of chaos… Death…
He was already living in a world of fucking death. And it was because of people like these. People that would bomb a fucking orphanage and leave no survivors. These were the people that were here. These are the people to blame.
Section V: Cranial Nerve evaluation
He passed the smell test. He sat still as lights were shone into his eyes, moving them along as the others watched and Andy felt ill. But he couldn't take any more days off, not after he was already out for a day looking for Kin…
And never finding him.
Andy quickly came back to his senses once more. He just felt like he wasn't even there. He watched them touching Basil's face – sometimes with fingers and sometimes with needles – to get his reaction. He was asked to bite down, open his mouth, move cheeks…
He passed the hearing test just fine, and Andy was prepared to stomach the test of gag reflex – the reaction was always worse than the sounds of the gags… They were here because they deserved to be here. Sometimes Andy just couldn't believe it. Dumb, dumb, Andy, he couldn't think like that. And if he did, he could never say a thing.
Section VI: Coordination Test
Basil was still salivating from the tests of tongue and gag reflex. "Please. All I want is to know he's okay." He was begging.
"You will know, if and when your leads prove to be correct."
"They are," Basil said. "I was there." He looked so desperate. The same desperation that lived in Bonnie's eyes as they were moving rubble and their noses were full of soot. No, this man was nothing like Bonnie…
Dammit, why would his own brother do something like this?!
…He knew why…
"Please record results." Andy quickly went on to record that Basil could walk and touch his nose with eyes closed, a solid pass of the test.
"Please submit control test results. We will now administer 5 milligrams of solution ZTK. Then administer the test again."
"Wh-what the fuck is that?"
Andy wanted to yell at him. This was going to help him. This had the potential to enhance his life – and save many others. Don't fight. Please don't fight them.
"Get away from me!" Basil said, and Andy had to hide his wince as they got closer to him with the medicine, and Basil tried to fall back, away from her.
"Don't," Andy said quietly. "Just don't fight." It was going to be ugly if he fought, but he could hear the big ruckus as Basil thrust his energy into an attack, sending back the administrator with the medication and Andy squeezed his eyes shut for a moment as Basil screamed out loudly and crumpled to the ground with another shock.
"Stand up straight boy," said someone next to him and Andy tried to breathe smoothly as he opened his eyes. Something about Basil writhing on the floor and screaming… It was just so hard to watch as it made his heart soft, it made him think about his own family… Who he left behind…
"Yessir," Andy said quietly, taking a smooth, deep breath, and getting back into the zone. Unsurprisingly the test results were almost the same the second time – a little worse in a few areas after the severe shocking he'd endured. Maybe that's not a totally fair test… But Andy was going to do as he was told. Always.
"Please return the subject to his holding room." Cell.
"All I want… Is the man I love…" Basil said, and the look on his face when he looked behind his shoulder while being guided out of the room… It was the same look Bonnie gave Andy when he said it was time to give up on finding Kin. But he had to work the next day… This was a position of honor people would die for…
The fire was taken out of him, just a little bit. His will to fight, the smallest bit subdued. It was something that Andy had witnessed first-hand, now.
"Bring in the second subject. 4829XA, 50 milligrams, solution ODP. Six days, gradual."
Andy's fist closed tightly. Every time he saw 4829 he wanted to wretch… And now was no different. Andy remembered when he was dragging in every day, spitting and cursing. Struggling. Fighting. Now… There was barely even a human inside of that body anymore.
"No more…" he begged. His eyes were cloudy. His speech was slurred. He couldn't even walk unaccompanied anymore.
"Interesting," was the murmur Andy heard. But he didn't think it was interesting at all. It was just fucking sad. Horrifying, almost… But it was science…
"What is your name?"
"My… Name… Is… Tonio…"
"What is your last name?"
"To…Ni…O…"
There was a small murmur of oohs and aahs. Andy looked at them, and then back at the boy. No… Andy wished it would stop, for his sake. It was hard to watch.
"Mark down results."
Andy couldn't help but think about all the variables – had he eaten? Drank? Did it matter? A sick patient wouldn't do any of these either. That was what they said. And… They were the experts…
But it didn't make it easier to watch the twelve-year-old barely able to walk. His pupils barely even shrunk in the light… Around the interested murmurs Andy just felt heavy and sad. He wasn't interested in any of this, not one bit. He braced himself, but Antonio didn't scream at the branding, not at the needles. Barely even a whimper as his body was put through severe pain.
Oh, yes, they said. Preposterous, they said. How incredible. But it fucking wasn't.
Please make it stop.
But they would not stop until every test was completed. Another dose of medicine injected, and the tests run again immediately, looking for different results. It always felt like forever to Andy, though. Antonio leaned heavily on the guards on the way out the door. The results kept getting worse, but they still had to do the tests, just in case by some miracle they got better, or a big change occurred. But the slow decline… It was just fucking painful to watch. His hands and feet were weaker than before.
Sometimes it made Andy grateful that his baby brother met a fast end. One moment, his happy self, the next… Just nothing, with no pain in between. Nothing could be worse than… This. It was just hard... Letting go.
Andy quickly wiped a tear from his eye. Work. That was what he was there to do, so he had better do it.
"Next subject. 8109PC. 100 milligrams of SHV."
Traitors.
But the woman didn't look like a traitor. She just looked like… A husk. There was always something kind about her, so unlike Andy's own mother. The one who took his Dad away from him, and ruined everything. Why was she not here, suffering this way? Why was this lady the one to suffer when she hadn't killed anyone? When Andy's evil mother killed his Dad who did nothing but love them, and was living comfortably in a ritzy prison? That didn't seem very fair.
But maybe this woman was also capable of great evil. If that was what they said, he believed them.
"Please state your name."
There were many times she would not answer the question. But today was not that day.
"Cheri… Mc…Mc-C… McCarvill."
A chorus of ooohs and aaahs. Andy felt hopeful for a moment that this would be a good test.
"Mark down results."
Just like a robot.
Motor Function.
Forearm to Table.
Forearm to Box.
They all blended together. But this data could be mapped, and used to save lives. That was worth everything. The lives saved. Not the traitors.
Test. Medication. Test again.
Test. Medication. Test again.
By the end he didn't have to brace for the screams as they fell on deaf ears. Nobody was going to save them.
The room fell quiet after the last one left, the results collected, the relief of a day finally finished feeling like a thousand-pound weight lifted off his shoulders. But before they could go home, they could hear the doors open again.
"McGinty's sister," said the few in the room that recognized her red hair and her shag cut. "Mako Matsukata." Andy recognized the boy from the a cappella group Bonnie always complained about. Back before he started doing music of his own.
"A surprisingly accurate lead," commented one of the guards as he came in. "Please administer the drugs."
"More test subjects," was the buzz in the room, but Andy was thinking of one thing. "Basil's lead? So will he get to see Cruise?"
Next to him one of the senior neurologists just gave a small puff of air in a laugh.
"Oh to be young and naïve once more."
…He didn't like the sound of that.
~.~.
"Oh my God! Did we just do that?!" Valerica gripped the side door so fucking tightly.
"Hellllll yeah we did!" Morri said. "Wow, that was so much easier than I thought it would be, thanks to y'all with your security codes."
"Yeah well I don't feel so hot about my security code being used for shit like that," said Val. She knew some of the people beneath those masks. Some of them… Were decent people. But also, after everything they went through, she just couldn't stand it anymore. She took a deep breath, trying to figure out if she did the right thing and still a little bit preparing to go home and face her father's wrath.
"I feel fine," said Rafa as he was driving with one hand on the wheel despite how bumpy the terrain on the outskirts of the District was.
"Oh yeah, no regrets, they got the cute little twinks back," Morri said, turning to look at Amiah who was biting her lip. "Hey. We're all good. Next we're going to get your man back, promise." Amiah just nodded a little bit.
"So I have so many questions," Rafa asked as if they were just leisurely driving down the bumpy roads.
"Well now is not the time for them," Val said right away, putting up her finger to stop him from asking because she didn't much feel like talking about the mental anguish of Shani being tortured after he was nothing but nice to her and the nice blonde man protected her from her Dad and then spilled everything like a fucking idiot and why?! It all worked out, but still.
"Yeah, Luke is gonna get slapped silly by Pit when we get back for divulging a single thing," Morri laughed.
"Hey, he was supposed to be the inside double agent, he used his best judgement," Val said in defense of his dumbassery. "Again, remember it all worked out." He was fine.
"Yeah, he's damn lucky it worked out, he could have single-handedly gotten Harper, Kodi, Lester, and Shani killed, and maybe the rest of us," Rafael said, sounding like Pit but much more deep and gruff.
"Well it didn't," Val said. "And that's that."
"Hate to be that person, but in order for Luke to get scolded til he pisses himself, you gotta get him out of your Dad's house alive and make a clean getaway," Morri said with a shrug.
"Yeah," Val said, taking a deep breath because she was terrified. Her Dad… He was not a nice man, and he didn't know mercy.
"Hey," Rafa said, once he'd pulled off and parked in the outskirts. "I'm here for you. But we gotta go fast. Let me be in charge of dealing with your Dad."
Val swallowed a lump in her throat. "I can handle it," she said, but she really wasn't sure and she looked at him for a moment, very grateful that he was willing to help. "Felix okay?"
"His stupid ass had better be at the safehouse," Rafa grumbled. "And not at the library."
"Oh, I wouldn't bet on that," said Val, but she steeled her face. "I'm sure my Dad is close to hearing what happened and getting ready to leave and drive straight there and unleash hell."
"Oh yeah, man I wish I would be there to see his face," Rafa said, laughing just thinking about it. "We're going. See you at the safehouse."
Amiah shook her head and hurried up, waving her hand wildly, and Morri pulled her back.
"They're trained, let them handle it," she told her, seeing her stubborn face. "He'll be back soon, we're going to get the showers first."
Amiah didn't look happy about it, but she lowered her hand. Morri nodded at the two. "Go." They turned without another word and started hustling.
Valerica and Rafael had their share of disagreements. They had plenty of fights. It didn't used to be this way, but things were different. But now… they were more different than ever.
When they approached the Van Buren mansion, Val breathed a sigh of relief that the van was still there. Luke and Ridley, then, must also still be there.
"Slow down," Val said, but Rafa kept pressing.
"No use in sneaking anymore," he said, because they had their job and he was going to do it. He charged towards the door, Val on his tail with the key. Val could hear familiar clicks and metal sliding on metal – sounds of a gun being loaded. Van Buren looked up, and saw Val there with Rafa. His face barely had a moment to change before there was a small click of a blast behind her and he collapsed on the floor.
"RAFA!" Val screamed a little bit, looking up when she saw Luke and Ridley hustling over.
"Oh God!" said Luke when he saw the body in front of him.
"Wh-wh-what the hell-" stammered Ridley and Rafael just shook his head.
"Let's go. I had my silencer on but it still might alert the neighbors." Rafa didn't even bat an eye about it. "Go put on Peacekeeper uniforms, both of you. He's got plenty and if not, I'm sure there's some in this one's room."
"Oh my God, oh my God," Luke said, and Val just gave Rafa a look before she grabbed Luke and Ridley by the arms and drug them upstairs to get changed.
Rafa put his mask on and watched the front. Nobody came around by the time Val had those two dressed and ready, all of them wearing masks and covering their faces. "Let's beat this joint."
"I…" Val started, staring at her dead father on the ground, and feeling… Conflicted.
"Valerica," Rafa said, pulling up the mask to look at her in the face. "He's not gonna hurt you anymore." He grabbed her arm and pulled on it to drag her out of there.
"Hey, that's my cute ginger!" complained Luke, quickly following, with Ridley on his tail.
"Stop flirting with me right now, my Dad is dead," Val said, still… Not sure how she felt about that. Her voice shook just a little bit, but she had to stay focused.
She gave the keys to her Dad's van to Rafa, who took It and took his helmet off to get in and drive, while the others filled in. It was the safest Rafa had ever driven in his life, as Val served as a navigator.
"This driving sucks," said Luke right away. "He ain't shit."
"Shut up," said Ridley, rolling her eyes as she stayed hidden away. "Please."
"No, he's fine, we all know Rafa ain't shit," said Val. "You didn't let Shani finish, he told me."
"What?! NO! Shut up, okay, that's not… I don't do that," Rafa shook his head and his hands tightened around the steering wheel.
"Oh that's a fucking bitch move," Luke said right away.
"I'm not GAY!" Rafa yelled out, sending the car back into silence as Ridley elbowed Luke a little bit, freaked out at the idea of this guy getting mad.
Val just sighed as she leaned her head in the helmet against the window, and before they knew it they were approaching the large outside tucked inconsequentially away on the edge of the District. A quiet place, an unassuming place – only a little car parked outside, as the others had been ditched deeper into the woods, a pattern that Rafa was quick to follow.
"There'd better be a fucking bike in the goddamn driveway," Rafa was grumbling to himself the whole walk back to the house. "Or I swear to God."
"Yeah," said Val quietly, hanging back just a little bit – just to make sure nobody was left behind…
"You okay?" asked Luke, with Ridley on his other side.
"Fine," said Val, but she wasn't sure she was fine after all.
Rafa knocked a few times on the door when they got there, which was cracked open a little bit.
"Halt! You shall not pass! Unless you have the magic word!"
"Oh shuddup, cowabunga or whatever," said Rafa, pushing the door open more. "Let us in."
"Boo, these kids know nothing about a dramatic entrance!" The man in the door was a pure District Two beauty. "Well… WELCOME! To casa… JOE!" he put out his hands dramatically. "Nobody's bleeding profusely, right?"
"No," said Val, her heart beating… Still way fast. It all just happened in a blink. Her Dad was swiped away so… Quickly. One minute here, the next… Just dead. Maybe she felt sad. Maybe she wished she was the one that put the bullet in him. Maybe… Maybe it just felt too anticlimactic for someone that had such a huge and terrible part in her life to die in such a flash, on the floor of his fucking living room… Yeah, they would need to hike their queer asses the fuck outta here, and fast.
"We're fine, thank you," said Luke.
"I do appreciate the dramatic entrance, Sir," said Ridley. "Ridley Ostreuck, nice tAH!" she screamed a little bit when she was almost knocked over by a tackle-hug from Amiah. "Damn, Sunshine, geez. A little warning next time Ami-ah, I'm choking, I'm not breathing Amiah I'm not breathing, CHOKING!" Ridley gasped dramatically when the blonde finally let them go enough to let her breathe, as she was fucking serious about that suffocation. "Jesus. Yeah… I missed you too." She hugged Amiah back and put her cheek on her head.
"Aw, where's my big hug?" Luke asked, but he looked over at Val and just frowned a little bit. "Oh."
Rafa sighed a little bit. But also he wasn't all that sorry oh God. That was the most beautiful man he'd ever seen. Blonde, green eyes… Freckles. Oh no, Don't act weird.
"Welcome everyone," he said, and his face was just… Fucking kind. Oh this man was too good. Too fucking good. "I'm George. Your goth friend went to start the showers."
"How can we help?" asked a younger girl, and boy, who were flanked by his side, and…
"Eyyy, another tribute to add to the list!" Ridley said, though slightly strained from Amiah's hug. "Wazzup Cadmus?"
"Don't mind me," said Cadmus, trying to lay low. "I'm just… Here to try to help someone." Since now his whole world had changed…
"Yes, let the little baby children help," Joe said, even when Cadmus made a face of offense at getting lumped in with the little children. "I gotta go check on Mr. Jem making pie." He bounced his eyebrows at them. "I bet it'll be the best pie I ever had. Mm MM! Ow OW!"
"So this is our savior," said Rafa, crossing his arms. "Great."
"Tell me about it," said Cadmus.
"Oh, you'll like Mr. Joe, he's really nice," George said. "Can we get you some water?"
"Yes, please," said Val, sinking down slowly on the floor at the feet of an armchair.
"Two please," said Luke, hurrying to follow after her.
"I don't think this one is done hugging yet, so we'll get our own," Ridley said with a laugh as she swatted her hand, and then started petting Amiah's hair a little bit.
"I'm fine," said Rafa, sighing a little to himself. He wasn't all that fine, but… Yeah, he was not going to ask anyone for help. He was fine. "Where's my stupid brother?"
"I can fetch him for you," said the younger boy, hurrying off before Rafa could protest. He soon returned with a boy that looked nothing like Rafa – jet black dyed hair that was so long and shaggy with just a little shitty black eyeliner.
"Oh wow," said Luke, before clearing his throat.
"What the FUCK is WRONG with you?!" Felix asked.
"Oh, so many things," Val filled in helpfully.
"Are you going crazy?!" Felix crossed his arms at his brother.
"Oh I've been crazy. Ya little booger," Rafa said, grinning and going over to ruffle his hair and give him a hug for a second. "Because fuck all those stupid-ass Peacekeepers. And fuck the Games."
"I mean… Yes to those, but still. I just wanted to read in peace without fearing for your stupid life!"
"Well you don't gotta worry about it because I'm still kickin', ain't I?"
"Yeah yeah," Felix grumbled, looking at Rafa for just another second in disbelief before he went over to the fridge to get himself an apple. "Aye yay yay."
"Here, take this, and sit, please," George said, coming over with a glass of water for him and gently putting his hands on Raf's shoulders to push him down on a big plushy couch. "We're glad you're here."
Rafa bit his lip, putting the glass to his lips to sip from it to swallow down a lump in his throat at the… Kindness. "Yeah yeah."
"I'm glad you're here and not fucking sprawled out dead. What were you thinking?!" Felix asked, dramatically gesticulating with his apple.
"I was thinking that this just has to fucking stop already. For too long we've let others push us around. I'm fuckin' sick of it," Rafa said pointedly. "It ruined our family, and theirs, and too many others. And I'm not a coward that ran away like fucking Cyrus."
"Geez, I never thought you were," Felix said, shaking his head at all of this.
"Yeah, he's right, I'm damn sick of it too," George said, quick to have his back as he sat on the arm of the couch and looked at them all. "The Capitol destroyed our home." He frowned when Cadmus's face changed a little at that and put a hand on his shoulder apologetically.
"I'm so sorry," said Val quietly, staring at the ground with tears in her eyes. "God, I wish I had done so much differently…" she said softly.
"I'm sorry about your Dad," Luke said to her quietly.
"Oh, I'm fuckin' not," Rafa said. "He was the goddamn Devil."
"Maybe, but he was still a big part of my life," Val said, shaking her head a little bit at him. "There is so much I wanted to say before that trigger got pulled." She… She just wanted to have the chance to stand up to him for once, and now she would never get it.
"There wasn't time," Rafa said. "He was gonna aim and shoot one of us first, there's no way he didn't see our codes and cards scanned in the systems."
Val knew he was right, but… It didn't make it easier. "I wanted him to die knowing my name," she said. "My real name. I wanted him to know it and weep about it, and miss his son, and make him feel how I felt all those years." She took a glass of water from the youngest girl and nodded a little bit, but she felt… Miserable.
"He was never going to regret hurting you," Rafa told her honestly. "The only thing that was gonna make him regret is was death."
"That's easy for you to say!" Val protested, not wanting to believe him. "It's my Dad, he's the one that tortured me all those years, not you!" She squeezed a few tears out of her eyes and stared at the ground. "I… I mean, yeah, I get it," she said quietly, trying to hold it all in. "I get why it had to happen that way, I just wish there was some way I could have make him realize how he ruined my life. But you're probably right, he would have never truly regretted what he did to his flesh and blood."
"I'm sorry," Rafa said, because… Well, he wasn't sorry for shooting him, but he was sorry for hurting her. "I should have warned you, I just knew-"
"No. You knew I would have choked in that moment. And you're right, probably, I don't know if I could have just made myself pull the trigger before someone got hurt." She took a tissue from Luke, her cheeks flushing at how kind he was. "You're right, I just… It's just…" She couldn't even believe it. "I thought I would be happy to see him dead, finally, but I'm not, and I just don't know why."
"My relationship with my parent is just as complicated, you're not alone. When it happens in a flash like that… I'm sure it's natural to feel confused," Luke said.
"Thanks Luke," Val said softly, her voice breaking a little bit looking at his kind face. She did nothing to deserve his kindness right now.
"Yeah, from what I saw of that guy, he was not at all a good one," Ridley said, finally sitting down with Amiah practically attached to her still. "Good riddance."
"What were you gonna tell him?" Rafa asked her finally.
Val just sighed because… She didn't even really know. She thought she would be trapped forever, she felt so helpless, and just when she got her way out she didn't even have time to think about it, she just had to act. "I… I'm not even sure. But I just wanted to hear him say my name once. I don't know why. Just… The acknowledgement that this is who I am. I'm not the son he always wanted and no amount of trying to force me to be that was going to change that, because no matter if he beat me, shaved my hair, or called me Isgar, it would never change who I really am. Val…" she looked around the room, at all the strangers whose eyes were on her, and she awkwardly cleared her throat. She wasn't ready to say it yet. "Val."
"Wow, that's a beautiful story, Val," George said kindly, smiling when she looked like she didn't believe him. "It is. Nothing can change who you are. But now you can just be that person. That's a lot like how I felt when I was homeless as a young queer kid. Then by luck I met Mr. Jem, who accepts me for who I am all the time."
Rafa coughed a little bit and crossed his arms.
"Yeah, me too," the little blonde boy said, thrusting up his hand as he looked around the room nervously. "I'm gay." He looked around, sinking back a little bit. "Sorry. That was just really… Inspirin."
"Oh," said Val, looking up at him as her eyes got a little more teary. "Don't be sorry…"
"It's always scary to say it for the first time, and sometimes it doesn't ever get easier," George said, smiling proudly as the girl was hugging him and putting her head on his shoulder. "But that's why we help each other when we can."
"Yeah," Luke said, putting his hand on Val's shoulder and squeezing it a little bit. "Looks like being you just changed one life, even a little," he said.
"Oh, I can definitely help you with your femme needs!" Ridley said, patting her legs a few times. "And Amiah's really good at doing hair too, right?"
Amiah grinned and got up to do some happy spins in response.
"She'd be happy to help."
"Oh…" Val said, blinking a few times in shock. "Thank you…"
"You may have plenty of enemies, but you'll also have the best friends," George said, smiling at the other two farmer kids with a smile. "So welcome to the family, Val!"
"Yeah, we'll take care of ya," Ridley said with a grin. "All we can do to repay you for your help."
"I'm going to help too," Luke said, puffing up his chest a little bit to try to not be upstaged by her.
"You don't have to do all that," Val said, shaking her head.
"But we will," laughed Josie, the farm girl, who was holding onto her friend's arm.
"Is that queers supporting queers I hear?" Joe asked, coming back out from the kitchen with a grin on his face. "And here us old people were about to say the pie is cooling to try and lift those spirits."
Jem was listening in just a little bit – he didn't mean to of course, it just happened. "It's so important to support each other, as young queer people – heck, as people in general. The world would be so much better if everyone could do that."
"Yeah," Joe said with a sigh. "Yeah yeah, I've been where you are," he told them, rubbing his arms where deep scars in parallel horizontal lines lived. "And I've lost the worst kind of loss. Still can't believe I'm even here sometimes, and didn't just follow 'im," he said softly.
Jem looked over with a true frown on his face and reached up to squeeze his shoulder. "Well for now these youngins don't have to feel that," he said sadly, shaking his head. "It's all about the people around you, so surround yourself with the good ones," he told them all, giving them a very pained smile. "When I lost my darlin', they were the ones that put me back on my feet when I had no idea how to even breath." He put his head on Joe's shoulder. "I'm sorry for your loss."
"Loss isn't the right word when you lose part of your heart," Joe said softly, but he sighed and laid his head on top of Jem's for a second. "I… I know your pain."
"I'm sorry, I-I feel like this is all because of me," Val said quietly, looking at them – at Cadmus who was crying quietly with Jem's gentle hands on his shoulders and just feeling… So awkward.
"Ah, don't feel sorry. It's a beautiful thing," Jem said, his eyes becoming glassy even as he gave the group of them a smile.
"Yeah," Joe said, but he didn't fully believe that losing part of his soul could ever be turned into something beautiful. And he feared that some of these kiddoes might have to go through the same thing. No, he would be damned if any of these innocent kids loses their life before he could get his chance to see Simon again. "Well, you got us. And you got each other. For the rest of the day you can use it. Then we decide who goes where next."
Val looked at Luke, looking away quickly when she saw that he was looking right at her. Luke quickly looked to Ridley and Amiah when he made eye contact with her, and Val looked at… Rafa, who was just sitting there quietly. When he looked over, she mouthed to him. You ready?
Rafa shook his head a few times. No, he wasn't ready to tell them, no matter how rainbows and butterflies they all were about everything.
Val just sighed, but she respected the decision and looked back at the two adults.
"Well, I'm going to go check on the pie. Soon enough you will have something delicious to enjoy while you bond over your shared trauma," Jem said.
"Oh goody, nothing like a pie to sweeten up the shared trauma," said Ridley, which made the room laugh even if just a little bit, and made her grin in response.
"Can I go with you guys?" Cadmus asked. He could see their pain, and understand it, but… He still felt like he lost part of his heart when he lost his home – and his little siblings. He just wanted to not be alone right now – but didn't really feel comfortable with the others.
Jem just smiled sadly, able to relate to losing his family, and pulled him in. "Of course," he said, taking him toward the smell of apples and cinnamon.
The group went back to talking about sweet nothings – not about the blasts, not about the prison, not about the ones they lost… That was, until Morri appeared in a big fluffy bathrobe she found in Joe's closet and hair wrapped in a towel. "I'm out of the show-" she started, before looking at the way they were all huddled up and talking and she just knew. "Hey hey… Wait a minute."
"Who had a good queer talk without me?!"
~.~.
"He's not the same, Maggie." It came out as practically begging. "You can't go in there expecting to save him."
"It is the same, he's still in there somewhere," Anakyn said, rubbing his face and refusing to accept that Em was gone. He was still alive and the same heart beat inside his chest. The same brain existed. A few chemicals they put into him wouldn't change that. It was impossible. And it was his biggest fear.
Ambrose looked at Maggie, and shook their head a little bit. Maggie looked back at them, not sure who to believe. She would just have to see it with her own eyes.
"There is still hope," Anakyn said, looking at Maggie with a desperate expression in his eye. He already lost Numitor, Phil, Dante. He just… He couldn't lose anyone else. He didn't think he could take it. "I haven't given up."
"Just… Be careful," said Ambrose, frowning a little bit and putting a hand on his shoulder. "Are you sure you want to go in there by yourself?"
Maggie looked at the closed door, taking a deep breath through her nose. "Yes," she said. She was sure. "I have to see how he is alone."
"If anyone can remind him who he is, it's you, Maggie," Anakyn said.
"Don't put more pressure on her," Ambrose said pointedly, taking a deep breath. "We'll be right here. If you need us, just yell. And… Protect yourself."
"Ambrose."
"She needs to be prepared. It's not him." Ambrose was met with silence and turned to Maggie. "Ready?"
"No," said Maggie, taking a deep breath. "But I must."
Ambrose nodded understandingly, but had a look of concern on their face. "Do you have someone… to go to?"
"No," said Maggie, but she took a deep breath, not wanting to stall anymore – and to hide the fact that she still wasn't totally sure who she fully trusted, nor did she have friends that really cared. She stepped forward and opened the door, her heart falling to her stomach. His natural brown hair was growing out at the roots. Other than that, he didn't look all that different in appearance. But the moment she looked into his eyes, she just knew. "Em?" she asked, her voice growing weak and quiet. "It's Maggie."
"Mag…gie," Em said, slowly looking up at her, studying her face. He looked at her for a long second. "Maggie!" he said, hurrying over toward her and throwing his arms around her in a tight hug. "Maggie."
"It's me," Maggie said, but even hugging him, it didn't feel the same. "I'm so glad to see you." Was she…? After what he did – what the torture forced him to do… She wasn't so sure. But she put that to the side, just glad that he was happy to see her. "I missed you brother."
"Are you okay? What have they done to you? Maggie…" He pulled back to look at her, and his eyes filled with tears. "What have they done?"
Maggie blinked at him a few times. "What? Nothing. It's okay, Emmet, you're safe here."
"Safe?" Em asked, letting go of her, his eyes filling with angry tears. "You think we are safe here?! What have they done to you?" he asked again, more tears falling down his cheeks as he stepped back. "They're all liars," he said quietly as his voice cracked.
There was a different look in his eyes. A look that was primal… Not even human. A look that she had only ever seen in one man's eyes before – the man that assaulted her and raped her. No. She- she had to do anything to make it stop. Her eyes filled with tears and her heart started beating harder and faster as she took a step away from him. Fuck. Fuck. NO! She had to make it stop!
"Maggie," he said through his teeth, his lip twitching a little bit as his hands opened and closed into fists. "Don't make me do this."
Make it stop. Maggie covered her face, full of fear that practically immobilized her.
"You are not safe here!" he said loudly, and hearing Em yell made Maggie let out a low dry sob, covering her face. Had he no mercy?
She just couldn't take it anymore, this was her fucking nightmare come to life. One man she thought she could fucking trust… She couldn't let this keep going. "Okay," she said quickly as tears started to fall down her cheeks. She put up her hands. "I'm just saying that," she said quietly, feeling ashamed. But just too afraid. She wasn't ready to stand up for that. Not when she knew, in her heart of hearts, that it wasn't the brother she once knew. "They m-might be watching us," she stammered out desperately, guarding herself.
Em's eyes widened and it was like something immediately changed. "Oh my God. I'm so sorry. I… I don't know… I just…"
"It's okay," Maggie said, her voice still quivering and put up a hand when he started moving closer to him again. He looked gentle, but Maggie wasn't fooled. She was still afraid. "Please. Don't. Em, stop."
He listened right away, his eyes looking tortured. "Oh my God Maggie. I'm so sorry Maggie." Tears started to bubble out of his eyes. "I just don't want anyone to hurt you Maggie, you're my twin sister, and I love you…"
"I love you too," Maggie said, but it felt just as dead as when she said it to that asshole she almost married. Not Em. Why did it have to be Em? "I just… Need… Space. Please."
Em fell back with a small sob seeing Maggie looking like this. "Look at us. They ruined us."
Maggie just nodded sadly. "They ruined us," she said quietly. But they were talking about two different theys.
"I'm so sorry Maggie," Em choked out through his tears. "Just please. Don't let them corrupt you like they did to that lying bastard. I can't take losing anyone else, Maggie, please Maggie."
Maggie wiped her eyes on her arm, trying to will herself to give her brother a hug when he looked so upset, but something was different now. And at this point she wasn't sure it would ever be fixed. She wanted to believe Anakyn, but Ambrose was right… It wasn't him. She didn't know what she fucking expected, but it wasn't him.
She looked at the shell of a human who was clasping his hands together, the tears running down his face and dripping at his feet, and she felt her own eyes warming. This surely was a fate worse than death. He was just… Gone.
But she just forced a small smile, going over to wipe his tears. She gave him a hug, even though her body was tense, and her heart beat even faster, she felt unsafe.
She balled her fists when he hugged her back tightly. She didn't like being restrained by him. She didn't trust him. Not anymore.
"I won't."
"Maggie…" Em said, able to tell things weren't the same and just trying to figure out why, what made him act how he did with someone he loved so much. "I'm so sor-ry-"
"No," she said, stopping him from speaking anymore as she swallowed a painful lump in her throat. "It's okay sweetie." It was nowhere near okay. "I have to go before they come looking for me, but I'll be back, okay?" She never ever wanted to come back.
"Don't get yourself hurt," Em said. "We can't trust them, Maggie, they're liars, they ruined us."
Maggie sniffed, wiping her eyes, and turned to go. "Yeah," she said softly.
"They did."
She opened the door, her body shaking with adrenaline after what she just saw as more tears appeared in her eyes.
"How did it go?" Anakyn asked, but Maggie didn't want to talk to any of them. She didn't want to talk to anyone.
She put her head down, quickly walking past them and her body took her before her brain could consider where she was going. Down deeper, deeper into the winding hallways and catacombs of the District, as her vision was blurry and a few vocalizations slipped out as she angrily wiped her eyes with her arms again. How did her brother's expression trigger her like that? The one man she could always rely on, her flesh and blood… And he was just… Gone now. Not even just gone. But replaced by a monster.
Fuck. Why? It was every terrible dream she ever had. She thought she was ready to see him, but she wasn't. Not after that.
"Uh oh, we got un chica triste." Maggie looked up when she saw a familiar face standing in a doorway. "Why you always gotta run to my compartment when you're sad?"
Maggie put her face in her knees and shook her head. "I didn't mean to," she choked out, just… Haunted by the memories. She thought Indy moved back up with Monty closer to the others after realizing they all existed. Fuck, she couldn't stop seeing him…
She let out another strained sob and wiped her eyes again as Indy slid down next to her.
"What's wrong? …It's your brother, huh?"
Maggie just nodded into her knees. "Everything is different now," she said.
"Ah," Indy said, shaking his head. "I'm sorry chica." He sighed and frowned. "Yeah. Things change. It's hard. I'm still struggling too."
Maggie took a few deep breaths which turned into small sobs. "I n-noticed the redhead…" That didn't hug Indy when they arrived.
"Vos," Indy said. "Mi prima." He chuckled a little bit and stared at the wall. "I don't get it. We used to be attached at the hip – well, when Monty wasn't fucking me sideways. Still…"
Maggie frowned and looked up at him through her blurry teary eyes. She remembered back when she and her brother were practically attached at the hip too. He always had her back against all those terrible men... And now… Now he was one of them. And she wasn't sure that would ever change.
"Now she fuckin' hates me," Indy said with a small puff of air resembling a laugh, but he was biting on his lip a little bit. "She grew up without me there. She doesn't even need me anymore. I guess I just wasn't ready to see that. And not ready to get cursed at for even looking at her. But that's fucking Vos, can't just talk to me about it. What can I say, she takes after me."
"She probably just needs some more time," Maggie said, breathing in through her nose and out her mouth.
"Yeah. She always begged me not to leave in tears. And I always told her that it was fine, and I would go home to her. And this time, I didn't." He shrugged a little bit. "I guess I don't blame her for hating me. It's just frustrating because she thinks she's not special to me when she's the most special to me." His voice broke a little bit and he stared at his knees. "I'm just shit at conveying it," he added softly, before quickly sitting up and putting a smile back on. "But… Y'know… Don't want the rest of the squad to see me being a sad little bitch boy. That totally ain't cool. It'll make Papi worry about me." He shuddered. "Yikes. I don't wanna do that to 'im."
Maggie just sniffed a little bit and then shrugged. "Yeah," she said. "I understand. That was fucking terrifying, but I don't want to upset anyone else because my brother looked at me like a fucking piece of meat. Not the first man to do it and won't-" she let out another sob. "Won't be the last."
"How did anyone let that happen?" Indy asked, giving her a look of disbelief.
"I wanted to see him alone," Maggie cried quietly. "I thought that maybe, just maybe if it was only me… Maybe I could help. Maybe I can save him. But I don't know why I thought that. It was hopeless. He's gone." She closed her eyes, because he wasn't even at peace, he was still being tortured. "I lied to him," she said softly. "Just to make him stop before he attacked me or worse… I was so scared that I let go of what I believed in." She shook her head at herself. Maybe she could have talked sense into him if she tried harder, but her body responded in fear before she could stop it.
"You had to protect yourself," Indy said. "I'm no stranger to that. Oh, I'm sorry hermana. I wish I knew what to say. But honestly, I don't." He let out a heavy sigh. "Can I give you a hug?"
Maggie thought about it, but her heart started to pump a little more so she quickly shook her head. "No. Thank you." She let out another quiet sob. "Sorry."
"Okay. Then I'll just be here to listen."
"Thanks Indy," Maggie said, crying still but just… Thankful to him for being kind, and not pushing it, and listening. "I just… I had nightmares about this before. The one man I really truly trusted with everything. I couldn't even believe it… I miss him already, he's gone…" She shook her head. But… At least Indy's prima wasn't gone. "But Vos isn't. Right? That's their name?"
"Oh, don't try to make me feel better right now," Indy said, frowning at her. "It's jut petty with us."
"Okay, but just… Let me talk to them. I'll see what I can do so you don't have to lose what I lost."
"I'm sure I won't be able to stop you," sighed Indy. "I'm just worried about you. You just focus on feeling better, okay?"
"That will make me feel better," Maggie told him, but the tears on her face indicated that she didn't feel much better – and likely wouldn't any time soon. But Indy was there for her, and his presence was comforting. "To help…"
"Right now you just have to focus on you," Indy said, frowning a little bit as he went to pat her shoulder, but then just sat on his hands. "I know. I'm used to deflecting and pushing it away too. But that's not healthy. Ew, I sound like Papi, gross!"
Maggie sniffed. "Please stop referring to Monty as Papi," she said, but it did give her the smallest smile, the bit of a laugh. "It's cursed."
"But he just is," Indy said with a small smile. "He's the one with a rational brain in our group. He took care of everyone and all. Because he knew it was important to me."
"You're lucky," Maggie said, sighing a little bit. "He really loves you." She thought for a second, and then held out her hand for him to hold. His hands were a little rugged but they were warm and gentle.
"Yeah yeah, I choose to forget that right now, I got otha problems," Indy said, but he squeezed her hand. "You seem pretty lonesome, kid," he told her. "And I don't know why, you're like, way nicer than me. You should come hang out with me and my people sometime if you need a home. They're a little scrappy, but they're the most loyal people you'll ever meet. And Janine… She'll understand your fears way better than I can. She's pretty cool. Pretty hot too."
"Okay stop that," Maggie said, but she chuckled just a little bit. "The last thing I need right now is that."
"Maybe. But the first thing you need right now is some damn loyalty. And that's one thing I can give you." He got up, letting his hand fall out of hers to not pull her. "Come with me. It's time for you to meet my people."
Maggie slowly got herself up, drying her eyes and just pushing aside the feelings again. But when Indy started going, she quickly moved to catch up with him, and put her hand back in his. She needed a distraction. And… Yeah, she needed to find… Her people. Not Jo's people that just entertained her, not Lux and Wolf who just pitied her for what happened to her brother… People that cared about her.
And if Indy thought this could be it… She wanted to believe him.
She couldn't turn down the opportunity to find her people.
She couldn't turn down the opportunity to find herself.
~.~.
A/N: Happy 2024! We are officially in the final leg of this story as it will be.
This is the adult way – post an update and then immediately go to bed. Rinse and repeat.
Hope anyone who's lurking is well as well. Here's to a better year than last!
Keep an eye on the blog for a few deleted scenes I've been working on that might get finished enough to be posted in the next few days – they include some angsty fluffy Gay Panic, some Late Night D10 tribute Tea (feat. Rory), and a Warm Hug Gauntlet.
Next Chapter: Trap is the Pied Piper of little Queers, Catdog Reunion, and a dirty little secret stops being a secret.