Chapter 10 – the Music Box
The 'music box' was one of the boxes at the Royal Albert Hall that they had used since the RAH was built. It had never shown up on a seating map. It was maintained, but workers never remembered, except for a deep sense of 'déjà vu' when they moved to the next box. While each went alone to performances, they sometimes attended together, especially comedians (humans who observe other humans often resulted in jokes that told much truth), although Crowley would have to explain the more topical or scatological jokes to Aziraphale. They had always called it 'the music box'.
When Aziraphale arrived, Crowley was sitting on the rail in the far corner of the box, staring out at the darkened stage. He kept his glasses on and his face was the same stone the angel saw when he left with the Metatron. The angel decided a cautious approach was best, so he led with "I got your message…"
"Obviously. We need to talk". Crowley's words were curt. He motioned to the tea he had set out for Aziraphale; he was drinking coffee. "And this time, you will let me speak first. Hold your own bloody thoughts." ("Ah! A little emotion there, but not helpful," Aziraphale thought as he nodded, still going for caution.) The former demon took a sip of coffee while the angel poured himself tea and took a seat. "First of all…. The Metatron wants us apart. When we last spoke and I um…imposed (Crowley looked down and rubbed his brow as he said that word), "did you sense an essence of …apples?"
"Yes! I tasted apples" (but first I tasted woodsmoke and whisky; I tasted You). "And every time the Metatron has come by to speak to me in Hea -upstairs, my tea has tasted of apples afterward – and you?"
"I smelled apples in a way I hadn't since the garden." (but before that, vanilla and beeswax like I smell now- Your scent). "He wants to trigger us with a reminder of the first time Shame was felt and make us retreat to our respective sides. And do you know why? He thinks our combined energy is too powerful."
Crowley waited a moment while Aziraphale processed the information, watching the Angel's eyes move back and forth as if he were watching a ping pong game ("I've missed those eyes, even when they're batty" he thought). When they stopped and looked at Crowley, the former demon started a series of rapid questions, like they were on a quiz show.
"Think back. Who told you they had to leave the garden"?
"The Metatron"
"When God asked you about the sword, did She mention the couple? I smelled apples at Gethsemane."
Aziraphale sat up straighter. "No, She didn't. And everything tasted of apples at the Inquisition."
Crowley remembered, "I smelled it in the bookshop when he was there – didn't you?"
"For a moment, but then – the coffee! He gave me the coffee to throw me off!" Aziraphale's hands grasped the arms of the chair.
Crowley leaned back, "so he does this intentionally or at least knows he triggers the response." Crowley put his hands together as if praying, but then tapped them against his mouth while thinking, "Not with Job? "
"No, God was there, then Gabriel. The Metatron never showed."
Crowley sat up. "I think the Metatron has been doing all of God's dirty work just a bit too zealously."
"-and enjoying it a bit too much." The angel agreed.
"Do you think She knows?" Crowley looked upward.
Aziraphale murmured, "I don't think She's bothered to check."
Crowley crossed his arms and looked out towards the stage, "I wish we could get a look at the plans".
"Ineffable means unwritten", the angel reminded him.
Crowley blew out his lips in exasperation," there have to be notes -even Moses had notes. You need to check the files on the events we just mentioned – Was God there or did it happen in the absence of God?"
Aziraphale perked up, hearing a possible way to avoid blaming God. "Like a child when the parents aren't home – I think the Metatron has been breaking things and sweeping them under the rug".
"If he were a demon, he'd be covered in gold pentagram commendations." Crowley looked over his glasses at the angel. "We need to get a message to the Almighty"
"But everything goes to the Metatron, She doesn't get them".
"Then by a means that is out of the usual. Not prayer- a sacrifice?"
"Not a ritual one. And someone knowingly taking their life is suicide. We are out of options, but I know someone who might know a way." Aziraphale wasn't quite ready to let Crowley know about the Second Coming. "What can you find out at your end?"
" I could see if anyone took claim for those events and if the same name keeps cropping up…"
"There could be some collusion. I'm sure Michael has a source in Hell. As they say in the cinema "The Game is afoot!" Aziraphale shook a determined finger in the air.
The former demon stood. "Shax left some things at the flat – I think I'll run downstairs and return them to her Lordship".
Both the Acting Supreme Archangel and the former Demon had not been this exhilarated since the Bullet Catch. Collaborating to the point of finishing each other's sentences was a rush- Crowley was up and pacing, arms flailing. Aziraphale was flushed and twinkly, practically bouncing in his seat. They were a team again for a moment.
The topic came back to the miracle of hiding Gabriel. Aziraphale thought aloud. "25 Lazarii… combining good and evil must amplify the power somewhat."
"Not just good and evil, Aziraphale. Apparently OUR combined miracles. I tried a miracle with Muriel- it didn't even register- you got no alarms above when that happened? There was nothing below."
"Nothing. Are you suggesting we try another and see if it sets off any alarms? I can probably set the alarm Upstairs to send all alerts to only me".
"I can slip into hell and unscrew the light bulb, if it's even working."
"Then we'll rendezvous and do it – what do you suggest we use as a test subject?"
"There's an oil leak I'd like to reverse – it's killing sea life. It may create a buzz on earth, but our offices won't be looking for it." Crowley was feeling better as they worked together, so he hazarded a question. "And if they don't notice the miracle, we can let them know it's not us, and you can come back, right?"
"Actually, I need to stay for a bit longer. You may need to sit for this". Crowley sat down, ready to listen. Aziraphale explained the plan of the "Second coming", meeting Jesus, and being shocked at his apparent lack of power. He expressed his admiration for the man's strength and integrity. He told Crowley about Jesus' refusal to return and His longing for Mary, then of his own meeting with Mary in Purgatory, and how hard it was to go there unnoticed from above. Crowley admitted that he'd been to Purgatory occasionally to escort some departed soul who had been misrouted to hell.
And then he surprised Aziraphale by sharing some personal history. "Mary and I were good friends at that time. Hastur was looking for me to get even after I had "accidentally" blocked one of his curses, so I hid there. Being a woman was the best way to do that at the time. Women were mostly ignored by the Romans and in general. Plus, they knew where the good wine was kept. And you learn what's happening much faster than waiting for the men to admit a mistake. Obviously, I didn't hang out with Jesus and his gang like she did. I was more the 'girlfriend next door'. I would like to be her contact for the rest of this. I owe her."
Wisely choosing not to crack that nut for now, Aziraphale continued. "We must find a way to get them together and save the world. I believe they can save the world from destruction.
"Again" Crowley added.
"Again" the angel nodded. He almost reached out to touch Crowley's hand, but stopped and stared where his hand sat on the table. "Crowley… Jesus said he should have listened to you." He looked up at the former demon "Maybe I should have too. I see now that you couldn't have come with me. But I so wanted to make you an Angel again. I thought I was saving you."
Crowley shook his head. "I can't be that Angel ever again. The Fall has made me who I am, and if you can't accept that, we may as well stay on opposite sides. If we want to be free of the head offices we're each chained to, we have to save ourselves, and Earth is the neutral zone where we can do that".
They sat in silence for a moment, afraid to look each other in the face, so both ended up looking at the ring on Aziraphale's hand that was still on the table. He pulled it away, and Crowley was about to release a sad exhale when the angel said, "Then we better get busy saving Earth." They glanced at each other for just a second, Aziraphale with a hopeful twinkle; Crowley with a shy smirk. Then they got back to work. The next moments were spent planning and collaborating. It almost felt like normal, except the former demon never raised his voice and the angel stayed on topic.
They decided Crowley would meet with Mary next and let her know they were beginning to make plans. Aziraphale would do the same with Jesus. Once the Lord was ready, Aziraphale would take him to Purgatory to join Mary and proceed with the plan.
The hard part would be getting them back into Heaven to go through a safe portal back to Earth without detection. Azirphale was fairly certain he knew who to ask. "Crowley, can you see if Muriel knows a back door?"
"I can do that. I'm enjoying watching her learn about humanity, although you might not be ready for her redecoration in the bookshop."
"Redecorating?!" Aziraphale imagined the bookshop looking like a Chuck E Cheese and ruffled up like a peeved pigeon.
"Nothing you can't change back in a blink." Crowley was happy to see a glimpse of his Angel.
As they were getting ready to leave (and both seemed reluctant to do so), Aziraphale said the following quickly, so he wouldn't stop himself. "And I wouldn't call what occurred last time we met "imposing". Perhaps an episode of unfortunate timing. We'll have to postpone that discussion until after we save humanity. Again."
"ip…um…" Crowley took a breath, "Again."