Chapter 11 – He's Making a List
He sat outside of "Give Me Coffee or Give Me Death", drinking a whole milk latte with a chocolate biscuit. He looked like many of the pensioners that spent sunny midmornings at sidewalk cafes. A tablet and pen were also on the table, and he had a good view of the bookshop, to see who came in and out. Muriel stepped outside in a fuschia jogging outfit and yellow galoshes. She waved at the Metatron, then turned the door sign to 'Open" and went back inside. He scowled for a moment, then looked at the tablet.
As he worked towards the Rapture, the Metatron wondered if the mythical Santa Claus felt as happy as he did when creating his 'Naughty' and "Nice' lists. Santa would tell you he found no joy in putting people on the Naughty list. But where Santa would try to find a way to move them off the list, The Metatron was doing whatever he could to put people ON his Naughty list. He wanted Heaven to be as exclusive as possible. No questions, no mistakes, no curiosity, no passion; that drivel had caused all the trouble in the first place. All the humans; living, dead, purgatory, limbo – The Metatron had pre-judged and set them on one list or the other. Perhaps some Angels and Demons as well.
This was the power Metatron had always wanted. He was hoping that by Judgement Day, The Christ would just accept these lists in toto. Otherwise, it would be months of Judgements dragging on. Besides, he had put a few select names on the list that would save him much aggravation in the future. He smiled and put one more name on the list. "Just tying up a loose end", he justified:
Aziraphale
Crowley
Seraphiel
Muriel
Under his breath, he said, "Ho Ho Ho," and disappeared. In the hour the Metatron had sat at the café, Four people accused Nina of putting expired milk in their lattes, a toddler cried non-stop for no reason his parents could determine, and a couple broke their engagement when they realized they both literally had cold feet. If asked about it, the Metatron would have said, "I just rub some people the wrong way."