Some readers have been SOOO impatient for an update... that they actually quit on me. I find that pretty funny. Start the fic.
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Pacifica ran as fast as she possibly could, the sound of Edna's multiple legs hitting the ground was close behind her. The time Edna took to find her was nothing but inconvenient, Pacifica still had some tears on her face she needed to brush away. However, Pacifica did notice that Edna made sure as she brushed by Dipper (probably planning to come back for him later) not to knock him over or harm him in anyway; so Pacifica was at least grateful to her for that.
"You can't outrun me forever! Eight legs beats two every time, you Dumb Blonde!"
"Why do you always take it back to the hair thing?!" Pacifica shot Edna a dirty look from over her shoulder. "I'm starting to think you're just jealous!"
"Jealous of what?! You're ability to bleach your hair yellow?!"
Banter was fine but Pacifica knew she'd have to do something to put some distance between them and she was going to need to do it fast!
"Flash bomb." she whispered out of realization.
She tried to go through the pockets but since she was busy running and the trench coat was a little big on her... the short of it was she was having a hard time navigating the pockets.
"Let's see...flashlight, President's Key, OW! That's the dagger! Gun batteries, notepad... OW! There's the damn dagger again!"
Pacifica tried to make a sharp turn but slid on the ground her feet skidding in place for a moment. Edna followed suite, her clubbed tail thrashing about wildly behind her. It smacked one of the pillars where it crumbled upon impact.
Finally making her way to the back pocket Pacifica had finally found where Dipper must have kept his flash bombs. Her smile disappeared as she grabbed one, it didn't feel like the ones she'd seen Dipper use. From what she saw, Dipper's flashbombs were perfectly round but this had some protruding lump on it...and a string? She pulled it out but from what she could see in the pour lighting it was without a doubt something else.
"Don't know what it is but it will have to do!"
She turned back with a leap and tossed the mysterious object hoping for anything that could help.
Edna halted almost immediately as she saw the object speeding towards her. Her belly eye opened wide, glowing with a purple light. The object stopped suspended in mid air, glowing with the same purple light as her eyeball.
"Did you really think I would let another flash bomb stop me?! I... wait. This isn't a flash bomb."
Before Edna could inspect it further, the 'string' started to sizzle as it got shorter and shorter until it reached it's end. Then instead of exploding, it opened up vertically and started spraying out smoke in large amounts.
Pacifica smiled as she ran away from the witch lost in a cloud of smoke. "Smoke bomb! Another custom made gadget Dipper had made I'm guessing. Not bad Mr. Detective!"
Edna meanwhile, was coughing up a storm as she did her best to get some distance between herself and the gushing gadget of smoke. Once she had gotten length away from it she took a moment to recuperate. She bashed her claw against one of the triangle pillars in anger, nothing was going the way she wanted it to.
"God Damn it! This shouldn't be happening at all! I'm not supposed to have difficulty killing some random blonde slut, I'm not supposed to go through menopause when I'm in my twenties, I'm not supposed to have competition for the only man who doesn't run from me, I'm not supposed to..." Edna trailed off as she hung her head in sorrow. She rested her forehead on her claw as she took a hard look at her life and where it had taken her right now.
"No..." She lifted her head in new fierce determination. "NO!" She smashed her claw against the wall making it crumble away. "I'll just handle this like I've handled everything else in my life! When something doesn't work the way I want it to then I just make the change to force it to!"
Her belly eye started to glow red and soon her claws started to glow as well from the inside. However, before Edna could actually do whatever she was trying to a sound alerted her to presence nearby. The glowing died down as she allowed herself a small smile before going to go check it out.
After several turns she almost lost where she thought she heard the sound coming from but a loud *CLICK!* signaled to her that she was close. A turn around the next corner and she found her prey on her tiptoes fiddling with one of the over head hanging branches sticking out of the wall.
Pacifica jumped at the sight of Edna, obviously not expecting her to find her here.
"Edna, I wasn't expecting you so soon."
"I bet you weren't!"
Edna clacked her claws a couple of times and Pacifica started to back up away from her.
"That's right, but I actually wanted to thank you if you can believe it. I overheard your little rant to yourself and I think it helped me find my courage!"
Edna scoffed at her as she started to move closer to Pacifica.
"Oh so you're not afraid of me anymore?"
"Oh don't get me wrong, I'm just as terrified as ever, but now I think I know you a little better. Dipper was right, just like the other things I've faced with him you share a weakness... you're more human than you look."
"Ironic. Before you crashed in to my home, Dipper was saying the exact opposite about me."
"I'm talking about human on a personal level. Just like Lenny you have personality flaws which can be taken advantage of."
"Lenny?" Whatever rampage Edna was about to unleash upon Pacifica got put on hold due to this new confusion. She scratched the top of her head with her claw as she tried to understand. "Who the Hell is Lenny?"
"Not important; but my point is you have flaws, human flaws. From your rant I've deduced you're lonely and insecure, and because of your menopause you have a desperation for having children thus making you act slutty. Although I have a feeling that would just be an excuse for you,"
The deeper Pacifica diagnosed the angrier Edna seemed to get. This was obvious even to Pacifica but for some reason she continued on as if she were ignoring it.
"I mean you'd probably still be slutty without that excuse. However, I think you're biggest weakness is your temper."
Edna let out a wordless battle cry as she charged the woman in front of her. However, before she could even reach Pacifica a stream of smoke shot out in front of her cutting her off. Normally this wouldn't have been enough to even slow her down but whatever smoke bombs Pacifica had hooked up must have been clustered together, because this was a dangerous amount of smoke. And with the dead branch roof overhead the threat of a fire was imminent, and a flaming roof was a danger even to Edna.
Pacifica ran once again as Edna tried futilely to stop the smoke with her giant claws. In this maze Pacifica had learned that the more turns you took the harder it was for your pursuer to find you. Attaching the rest of the smoke bombs to the wall together seemed to have the desired effect, it would buy some time but she needed an actual plan to disable Edna. Her thoughts went to the Ice Balls almost instantly but Dipper was right in writing those off, with Edna's flamethrower claws that tactic was useless.
"Which leaves the laser." Pacifica mused. The more she thought about it the more Dipper's original dissatisfaction seemed to make sense. Multiple shots would have been much more preferable in this situation than a single steady beam. And she'd only have one shot with it too.
Another right turn and Pacifica found herself in the same spot she had thrown the first smoke bomb. She could tell since it was still going off, spraying smoke from where it laid on the floor.
"Did I really just go around in one big circle?"
She'd scold herself if she wasn't so distracted by the smoke bomb itself. If she was Dipper, and if she knew him as well as she thought she did, then this would be something he would take advantage of.
"Okay Pacifica, let's think. It's smoke and... and how can I use that?! Edna obviously doesn't like it, but no more than anyone else... How would Dipper use it?" Pacifica could still hear Edna coughing down the ways so she supposed she still had some time. "Well Dipper said witches don't like extreme temperatures and smoke is..." she waved her hand through it and frowned in disappointment. "Warm at best. Grrrr! This thinking on your feet thing is harder than it looks!"
Before she could put up any sort of fuss over it, she noticed that the smoke level had risen up to her knee. Pacifica had to figure it was some sort of culmination of the first smoke before her and the cluster of smoke bombs she had set.
"Dipper would probably figure out some way to turn this in to an attack for him..." she quietly mused.
Edna's shrill shriek echoed out throughout the maze once again, Pacifica's mind raced with panic. As hard as she tried she could only think of one thing to do. With the sound of Edna's multiple legs scurrying across the ground Pacifica knew she had to put her plan to use now or die.
She laid herself down on the ground and let the smoke overlap her, covering her body. The sound of multiple legs hitting the ground made her freeze up, the sound got louder and louder until it stopped suddenly. Pacifica knew Edna was right in front of her now, she could hear her heavy breathing. She did her best to remain frozen on the ground, careful not to make any sound, she didn't even let herself breathe.
Edna glared down at the smoke with all three of her eyes before letting loose another shrill shriek and charging away. The smoke must have been thicker than she thought if it could conceal her from Edna's belly eye. When she sounded like she was far enough away Pacifica popped out of the smoke taking in a sharp breath of air.
After taking a moment to catch her breath she poked her head around the corner of one of the pillars. She saw Edna maybe five isles away, looking lost.
"Little Bimbo thinks she can outsmart me with smoke... thinks she can hide. Well let's see how she likes it when I use her smoke against her!"
Pacifica had heard enough, she quietly walked away in Edna's opposite direction as quickly as she could. However, had she only watched the witch a little longer she would have seen three glowing lights emitting from Edna. One from her belly eye and one for each of her claws, but instead of some type of fire attack, the same mist she used to transform started pouring out of her mouth again.
However, this time it didn't wrap around her. Instead it flowed down passing Edna's lights on the way, and by the time it hit the ground it was orange. The orange mist continued to spread until it met with the black smoke. Together the two mixed together until they combined in to an odd purple colored smog. This continued to spread throughout the maze, transforming any smoke it came across.
Pacifica soon found the purple smog around her legs, although it didn't seem to be doing anything. Smog was bad enough on it's own but Pacifica could only guess what this orange smog would do. She lifted up her leg just to see if it had done anything to her yet and outside of being completely gross her leg looked fine.
"I don't get it. If this smog isn't meant to change me then...OH NO! DIPPER!"
Without a second thought she sprinted off to find Dipper, she didn't care if Edna spotted her, she just needed to know that Dipper was okay. Of course finding him in a maze was going to be tricky but if Pacifica was understanding the lay of the maze as well as she thought she was then she should be able to find him.
Luck was on her side in this endeavor, she found Dipper right where she left him. There didn't seem to be any change to him at all, which was weird. Edna's smog attack didn't look that different from what she used to transform herself, so shouldn't it be doing something then? Anything? Anything at all? Pacifica honestly didn't see the point unless it was to transform something. So why wasn't it transforming anything?!
"Pacificaaaaaaa... "
Pacifica wasn't sure what gave her more chills. The fact that Edna was actually using her real name as she called out for her or that she was using a sing song voice to do it. She pulled out Dipper's gun and kept it the ready, Edna's voice echoed all around her making it impossible to figure out where she was.
"I bet you thought you were pretty smart using that smoke to your advantage. Probably even used it to hide from me somewhere back there; but what do you think of me using it against you?"
"Bring it, Arachne-Edna!" Pacifica called back out. "The only thing your smog has done is made my legs feel gross! It hasn't changed me OR Dipper!"
"HA HA HA HA HA HA! You really are a dumb blonde!" *CRACK!**CRUMBLE!* "Who said anything about changing the two of you?" *CRACK!**CRUMBLE!**THUD!*
The triangle pillars had started to crumble away all around Pacifica. However, instead of crumbling away to nothingness they revealed underneath their soil surface there was some kind of mirror like substance. And this didn't just happen with the pillars in front and behind her, this was happening to all of them. Instead of soil pillars there was now crystal pillars. Edna had turned this maze in to a mirror maze, but the worst thing was that Pacifica saw in each one of them a reflection of Edna.
"I do admit though, you did a better job of evading me in my maze than I would have thought; but honestly what have you done outside of hit and run? I can't see what Dipper was thinking in inviting you to work with him, you're much to eager too run away from danger. I bet you'd rather be at home in your Malibu mansion sitting in your plastic hot tub. You know nothing of the supernatural world! You don't know what you're doing! You don't know how to beat me! And when my reflections are everywhere...you aren't going to know which one is really me!"
Pacifica ran once again, she tried to head for parts of the maze where Edna's smog hadn't spread yet. Edna had made some good points against her but Pacifica tried not to let it get to her, she couldn't. She knew there was more than just her life on the line, there was the lives of Dipper and everyone else Edna had turned to stone, and right now she was there only chance. Fear was a luxury she couldn't afford.
She was able to keep ahead of the smog but it couldn't last forever, eventually she found herself facing a wall of dirt. She had reached the edge of the maze. Instead of panicking, she turned her attention to the dial at the bottom of Dipper's gun. Instead of words there was pictures, one had a horizontal oval, another had a squiggly line, the one next to it had a snowflake, and the last one had two horizontal lines meeting a five pointed star.
Pacifica was glad Dipper had decided to keep the settings simple, if it was too complicated she'd never figure it out in time. As she was busy figuring this out the smog seemed to have caught up to her and was already changing the triangle pillars behind her. The sounds of them crumbling in to their crystalline forms alerted Pacifica to them.
Since Edna's reflection didn't seem to be in any of them like she promised, Pacifica was going to assume that meant she wasn't close by yet. Pacifica decided to use whatever time she had to investigate it. There was something about the shine that reminded her of a light prism she saw once in her science class. She brushed her finger against it, it didn't actually feel like a crystal it felt more like a mirror.
She looked at the pillar and then at the gun, an idea started to form. "I wonder if it would work..." She walked to the pillar behind the one she just inspected and stood in front of one of the triangle's corners. And then? She waited.
She didn't have to wait long, the sound of Edna's quiet cussing came closer and closer until just like the witch promised, her reflection was seen in the triangle crystal pillars.
"EDNA!" Pacifica shouted loudly. She wasn't sure how far away Edna was so Pacifica made sure to speak extra loud just so she could hear her.
"Oh!" Edna jumped a little, clearly not expecting Pacifica to announce herself. "Well this is a surprise. I thought you were still playing the game of the Brave Little Chicken."
"What?"
"That's just a little title I like to give to prey when they try to talk big but run."
"Whatever... Listen, I've got something to say. You've called me a lot of names, most of them about me being dumb because of my hair color. Well I need to say that you're wrong about me, Dipper thinks I'm smart and I know he's right! I've grown up learning about skills you could never hope to master! I've worked hard to become the person I am today, and Dipper seems to think that's worth something. However, you wouldn't know anything about hard work, would you? Something gets too difficult and you just use magic to bend it to your will."
Edna clacked claws angrily.
"So I'm giving you one last chance. It's not too late to come along quietly. Surrender peacefully and change everyone back to normal or else you're going to enter a world of pain."
Edna cackled in response."And now you've moved up to bluffing! It's hysterical! You've got nothing! We both know it! I find you and you're dead, it's only a matter of time now!"
Pacifica was thankful the dial on the bottom of the gun was simple. In the center of the triangle was a little arrow, she turned the dial so the laser was being pointed at. "You were right about one thing, Dipper is a really great guy." She took aim at the pillar in front of her and prayed she her gambit was about to payoff. "But when it comes to the idea of you and him hooking up together? I gotta say..." *CLICK!* "He can do better!"
The laser beam shot out of the gun and collided with the pointed corner of the pillar where it split in two hitting the walls of the same pillar before bouncing on to the walls of the pillars next to it. From there on it the walls of the pillars around it where it continued to spread by repeating the cycle throughout the maze, spreading like Pacifica's own fiery laser web.
This strategy was starting to put a strain on the gun. She could tell, not just by the smell of smoke coming from the battery, but also because the gun itself was starting to shake. Three things were possibly with this course of action she had taken; one, the gun quits on her and breaks in her hands; two, the pillars shatter from the sheer strain of the event leaving her no place to hide from Edna; or three, her plan actually works and Edna is hit from all sides leaving her no way to defend herself.
Pacifica flinched as an bloodcurdling cry of pain echoed throughout the maze followed by a loud *THUD!*
She eased up on the trigger and laser dissipated to nothingness. The burnt battery shot out the back of the gun, Pacifica didn't even try to catch it; landing on the floor behind her it did a lot more than just smoke, it was jumping and sparking too. Pacifica gave the gun a disappointed stare, Dipper's complaints on the laser suddenly seemed much more legit.
She searched Dipper's pockets for a new battery but found his dagger again. "OW! Seriously Dipper, what is so wrong with placing the dagger handle up?!" It just irritated her so much. Dinosaur fang or not, having it pointed up like that was dangerous. She had had enough! She reached in, moving around the fang itself, and grabbed it by the handle. She took it out, turned it around and placed it back inside.
*RIIIIIIP!*
She looked down to see the dagger's end pointing out of the new hole in her pocket.
"Huh. The longer I fill in your shoes Dipper, the more I start to understand your reasoning."
She rolled her eyes and started on her way to make the arrest, she took two steps and then the maze started shaking. Pacifica screamed as one by one the crystal pillars shattered. They continued to shatter faster and faster, one after another until there were none left. Then the whole floor rose up in to the air along with everyone on it. Pacifica screamed a second time although it seemed to slow down the higher it got. By the time it came to a complete stop the area that was the maze had rejoined the field.
Without the pillars everything was out in the open. Pacifica could see Dipper's statue (somehow still in one piece) and Edna laying down with her chin on the ground in a painful heap. She walked over to Edna, only stopping once to make sure Dipper's statue was really okay, and managed to find some handcuffs in one of Dipper's coat pockets.
"By the authority invested in my by...um...Dipper," Pacifica knew it sounded ridiculous but it was true, the government didn't give her this job, Dipper did. "I hereby place you under arrest! You're lucky I didn't have a pair of giant lobster claw rubber bands."
Edna didn't move. It could be that she had lost consciousness to escape the pain from the multiple burns the laser had given her. Maybe she was trying to lure Pacifica in to a false sense of security so she could strike. Or maybe she was just in too much pain to move. Nope she was pouting, painfully pouting.
"Hey!" Pacifica gave Edna a soft kick in her underbelly. "Any of this sinking in to you?"
"Leave me be... Haven't I been embarrassed enough?" Edna painfully moaned. "Beaten by a walking one dimensional bleach blonde valley girl stereotype."
Pacifica didn't even bother with a retort, she simply rolled her eyes and got ready to handcuff her. Edna's claws were obviously too big to be cuffed, so instead she placed them on the wrist area beneath them. Of course she had to lug the claws up to get them behind her back, but the strange thing was Edna didn't try anything funny when she did. She wasn't even resisting. What had changed?
"So," Pacifica started. "Why'd you bring everything to a halt? Not worth the effort? Just can't bring yourself to actually kill someone Dipper cares about?"
"Don't be stupid. I hate you more than I have ever hated anyone, but when you used my maze against me..."
"When I brought the heat?" Pacifica joke.
"Ugh!" Edna groaned painfully. "Yes! Because of you I have a burn mark, on every side of my body. I'm in too much pain to do anything but lay here. I don't have the energy to kill you."
"Dipper did say you didn't like extreme temperatures. Then what about raising the floor and making that branch roof vanish? I noticed we didn't hit that on the way up."
"My mental focus, was the only thing keeping the maze together. Roof, walls, the whole caboodle. That shattered when you laser beamed me. Now all my focus is being put to keep myself from losing consciousness. I won't give you the satisfaction of seeing me pass out because of your cheap ass trick!"
It slowly started to rain, it did little to soothe Edna's burn but it was starting to look pretty effective against the mud Pacifica had acquired. It felt as if it were washing away the hardships she had faced during this case. She spread out her arms as the rain started to get heavier, the washing away of her mud felt so good, washing away her troubles and problems, but then she noticed something else was washing away too. In a small puddle, barely starting to form, a swirl of a blue liquid was pouring in to it from Edna's hair. Pacifica looked to the puddle and then to Edna's blackening hair and cheered.
"AHA! I KNEW IT!"
"Oh just shoot me now."
Pacifica knelt down and lifted Edna's head to look her in the eyes.
"Who's the one with the fake hair now? Huh? Huh?!" Pacifica gloated happily.
"Well I...you... shut up. Just shut up." Edna weakly insulted.
As the downpour started to get heavier Pacifica knew she was going to have to hurry to wrap things up.
"The only thing left now if for you to tell me how to change everyone back. How do I do it?"
Edna averted her gaze from her. "Just have to rub the salt in deeper don't you? You can't even leave me the little dignity I have left. Well I still won't tell you!" she spat.
Pacifica placed Edna's head back on the ground and stood up. "Oh you'll tell me! I don't believe in causing physical harm to someone when they're defenseless and beaten but if you don't tell me, I'll make an exception in your case."
Edna let out a sigh of defeat. "The answer is in my magic book! It's underneath my bed in my cottage. You'll probably blow yourself up, just trying to make it, so go ahead. I'll laugh at your disembodied limps flying everywhere."
Pacifica scowled at her before she took out Dipper's gun and adjusted the dial to the oval picture.
*PLOOT!*
A goo ball was now sticking her chin to the ground.
"Stick around!"
"Fuck you and your puns."
Darkness. This was the world Dipper had come to know. He couldn't move, he couldn't see, there was only darkness. A normal man might have panicked in his situation, but instead Dipper waited patiently. He knew Pacifica was out there and he had faith that she would free him from this prison, he just didn't know how long that would take.
A small speck of light pierced this world of darkness, the smell of wet air leaking in through it. It was accompanied by more specks of light followed by the pitter patter sound of rain. Soon specks became holes and the world of darkness Dipper had been forced to familiarize with crumbled away.
His body free from his stony confines suddenly lurched forward. A blurred vision of wet grass and falling rain whizzed past him as he sped towards the wet ground below. He never reached it though, he stopped halfway, something had stopped his descent. He looked up to see Pacifica smiling down on him.
"Easy Sherlock, you're going to be dizzy for a little while. I managed to find the antidote in Edna's spell book but that fatigue or whatever she was talking about is still legit. The others should be freed also, assuming I made the potion right. Freeing one is supposed to free them all. You didn't blow up so I'm going to say I got it right."
He gave her a weak smile. "So you beat her then? I knew you could."
Pacifica did her best to hide the small blush that had appeared on her face. "Yeah. But, ahem, the potion was pretty difficult. I kind of blew the roof off of Edna's cottage making it, she should label her ingredients." She put his arm over her shoulder and the two started to walk back to Edna's cottage for shelter.
"So how'd you beat Edna?"
The rain was cool to Dipper's body and he welcomed it as he listened to Pacifica go on about how she used Edna's maze against her and how it quick she was able to find the antidote despite how thick Edna's magic book was. There was just something about listening to how she faced her trials that seemed calming to him. He couldn't explain it.
As they got closer to Edna's cottage Dipper noticed a huge hole in Edna's roof and laughed. "And here I thought you were exaggerating."
"In my defense she doesn't really label her ingredients. Took me a couple of tries."
"Does she still have a cauldron?" Dipper joked.
"Short answer? No."
"Wait, are you serious?"
"Like I said, she doesn't label her ingredients. Thankfully I was able to make the correct potion with what was left of it."
She sat him down on the step in front of Edna's door, there was just enough roof overhead to protect him from the rain. She handed him back his trench coat and gun, it was a little lighter but she already told him about the smoke bombs she used up so he wasn't surprised.
"By the way, I couldn't get your weird walkie talkie radio whatever to work."
"Oh that thing requires a certain touch, I'll use it to call in the G-Men for Edna's pick up. They'll even help Edna's victims back to don't you go in to town and tell the mayor the case is solved so you can pick up the check?"
"Checks." corrected Pacifica.
"Excuse me?"
"When I first agreed to work with you, you promised me my own check. So he owes us two, like it or not."
"That's going to hurt his wallet."
"He should've listened to you the first time if he didn't want to pay more."
"It's still raining though, sure you don't want me to go inside and see if I can't find you an umbrella or something?"
"Thanks but this rain is good for washing off all the mud I've acquired today."
"Alright then, I'll wait for you here."
As Pacifica walked off, Dipper noticed the engine to the RV was still smoking. "While you're out, find a mechanic so we can get a tow." *BANG!* "And a new engine."
Pacifica let out a sigh of relief as she walked out of the fabric store with two large bags; she was probably going to need a ride back to Dipper. The rain had come to a stop and with it the townspeople had Edna incapacitated she felt like she could finally relax. Getting a second check out of Mayor Brown wasn't that difficult, although he did look a little pale afterwards. The pansy. After that, Pacifica found a mechanic just like she said she would, thankfully there was enough in just one of checks to cover the services. The mechanic said that he would move out to do the job in a little bit which gave Pacifica time to pursue her favorite past time, shopping.
She had already bought the boots and overalls she had promised herself, but she refused to buy the clothes here. Especially considering the only decent clothing shops in this town were Coconut Libertarian, she was still a Northwest and a Northwest doesn't follow trends, they set them. Which was why she spent the rest of her money on clothing fabrics and a sewing machine. She was going to make her new clothes.
The materials were pretty common but what they lacked in uniqueness they made up for in a variant of colors. She found three of her favorites hot pink, lake foam green, and yellow. There were a bunch of others but she hadn't planned anything out for those yet. Walking down the street she saw Joe, still in his waitress outfit, hugging one of the missing people which had come back, sobbing something about Barracka Oboma but she didn't care. Now it was time for her biggest challenge/passion. Shoes.
While she started to mentally debate what type of shoes she was going to want/need, something caught her attention on the ground in the corner of her eye. It was a newspaper laying partially in a puddle on the curb, but there was something familiar about it. For a moment she mentally argued against picking it up since it was probably filthy, but she decided she may as well given everything else she's been through today. She placed her bags on the floor making sure the rolls of fabric didn't fall out.
Picking it up, the first thing she checked was the date, it was today's paper alright. Then she checked the front page article and her eyes widened with shock. She knew Dipper needed to see this right away! She picked up her bags, newspaper in hand and started to head back to Dipper. Or rather she tried to, three steps and she had to stop or else her bags would lose their contents. Good thing her purse had a shoulder strap. Suddenly one of her father's lectures from her teenage years rang in her head.
"Maybe I do shop too much."
She knew she was going to need a ride, so she pulled out her cell phone, put the newspaper in her purse, and called the mechanic. Thankfully she had given her his number just in case.
"Hello? Have you set out for the cottage yet? Good! I need a ride back there so do you think you could come pick me up? You are by far the only redeeming citizen of this town I have came across... you're welcome."
Dipper sat on the step Pacifica had left him on, staring at his gun. He pulled out the glass container and stared at it's contents with a frown.
"This is almost completely empty. I have one shot at best. I thought I told her not to use the goop gun, now I can't use the whip!" His frown gradually disappeared as he sighed in peaceful defeat. "Oh well, I guess she had to do what she needed to do. I can't be mad at her over this; it does mean I'm going to have to make a fresh batch though. Oh! Maybe I can teach her how to make it! I'm sure she'll love that! I'll invite her to do it tomorrow!"
The G-Men had already showed up and after telling them how to pry Edna's gooped chin off the ground. Thankfully that had brought the BIG armored van like he requested. Edna was too weak to resist them physically but she did put up a fuss, complaining and shouting.
A tow truck rolled up and Dipper smiled as he spotted the engine in the back trunk. 'There goes half my paycheck.'
The truck came to a stop and to his surprise Pacifica came out of the passenger's seat. He was happy to see her, mostly because she was looking better. Yes happy last time he saw her, but she had what he liked to call After Battle Jitters. He'd seen it enough to recognize it, relief where you won but nervous due to doubt on it's completion. He couldn't blame her, his temperature theory worked better than he ever would have hoped. The laser had practically crippled her physically and emotionally. Pacifica probably thought Edna was going to pull something last moment, but he saw in her face that those thoughts go chased away as she witnessed Edna getting forced in to the armored vehicle. She protested but she knew she was too weakened to fight back.
Pacifica followed his gaze and frowned when she saw Edna trying to fit in to the truck, her horns were getting in the way. She felt like she should say something about it, maybe even get in a quick quip or something, but in all honesty she just wanted Edna gone. She wanted her out of her life and away from her forever. It was no secret she didn't like the woman but the quicker she was gone the better.
Of course while she was thinking these things Dipper had finished talking with the mechanic and was waiting for her to open her mind to him. She cleared her throat.
"I think I understand now why I was afraid of her. In some ways she reminds me of myself."
"Pacifica that's ridiculous! You're nothing like her!"
"Yes, but if I hadn't met you Mabel back when we were twelve... I could have ended up just like her. Obviously without the magic, but vain, spoiled, selfish, self centered, egotistical, short tempered, and so on. Stepping on people, forcing things to go your way, I've been there. Just replace magic with money and I'd be every bit as horrible as she is. I'd be the worst..."
She stared down at the ground, reminiscing about how she treated people back when she was a child. It wasn't something she often dwell on but she did it just enough to remind herself not to fall back in to bad habits. Bad habits that Mabel and Dipper helped her kill.
"Then it's a good thing we did meet."
"Huh?" She looked at him in surprise, for a moment she had actually forgotten he was there.
"Because you're none of those things. You're the exact opposite! I've said it before and I'll say it again, you've grown up in to a real sweetheart Pacifica."
The two stared at each other for a moment in silence, they started to smile.
"AHEM!"
The sudden voice made both of them jump. A third G-Man was carrying Edna's magic book and having great difficulty doing so. It was twice as thick as his head and had to carry it with both hands on the bottom and his chin on the top.
Dipper and Pacifica moved out of the way and the G-Man stepped past them one foot at a time.
"That's Edna's magic book?! It's huge!"
"I know. Dipper, just moving that thing was a job in itself."
"Listen Pacifica," Dipper started. "I'm going to have to get serious with you for second. This case wasn't anything particularly unique, it was dangerous and we almost didn't make it out alive. This is how every case is, this is Tuesday to me and I..."
He was silent as he took a moment to compose himself, it wouldn't help to get himself overly emotional on this subject. "I owe it to you to give you a window out. This life style is dangerous and I won't think any less of you if you want out. The choice is yours."
She didn't take the offer lightly, this was a scary day for her. But she still persevered through and saved the day, she may have nearly died but she saved a lot of lives. And despite the fact that she went up against a nightmarish monster, she didn't get hurt. She faced her fears and came out on top.
"Actually Dipper, if all your cases are like this then I think I might be up for it."
Hope surged through Dipper as he smiled at her answer. "Really?"
"Yeah. Considering the fact this was my first day and the worse casualty I've gotten is being dirty, I think I did pretty good."
"If by good you mean awesome. Then yes, you did good. Very good!"
"I honestly believe I can handle this life style. It'll get a little bumpy at first but I..."
"Excuse me." Another G-Man interrupted. "I hate to interrupt but you need to handle this 'spice rack'."
"What? I thought you guys were going to handle all the evidence!"
"Normally we would, but the passenger's seat of the car is where we'll be putting the book, and we can't put in the back with the prisoner. The only way we'd be able to transport it is if one the escorts were to carry it and that's not happening. So here ya go."
Dipper stared at the rack with disbelief as it was handed to him.
"Wait, you can't just dump this on me!"
"The Hell I can't! Our jurisdiction is transportation, your jurisdiction is weird spooky stuff. If you have to dispose of excess evidence than that's your problem. Make sure you fill out the paperwork for it when you're done."
Before Dipper could make a further argument against it the G-Man left.
"Terrific, now we have to find a place for this in the RV. On top of the oven stove is probably the only place I can think of where it wouldn't get in the way. You hang tight, I'm going to go put this away and talk with the mechanic."
As he walked off Pacifica gave a quick glance to the armored vehicle before calling out to Dipper.
"My bags are in the passenger seat of his truck!"
Dipper carried the rack in to the RV so Pacifica traveled down to the armored vehicle, she still had some things to say to Edna. The G-Men let her approach since Edna was in there with the doors closed.
"Edna? Are you in there?"
"Barbie?!" Edna's horrible face appeared in the barred window in between the doors. "Oh great, what the fuck do you want?!"
Edna seemed to be feeling a little better now, not enough to hock webbing at her but obviously enough to get snappy with her.
"I just want to make sure you don't give these nice gentlemen a hard time. I mean you're already hard to look at." Pacifica jabbed.
"Oh FUCK YOU! I'd give you the finger right now but..."
"Right. Claws. To be honest if I was you I would have stopped with the spells and potions somewhere around the boil skin. You really are your own worst enemy."
Pacifica grinned as she continued to gloat while Dipper joined her from behind. He had come to an agreement with the mechanic and already got all of Pacifica's bags in the RV. Edna spotted him almost immediately.
"Dipper! Dipper, you're the only one who can get me out of this! Free me for old times sake!" Edna pleaded.
"Sorry Legs, but you're going up the river for a long time." Dipper adjusted his hat.
"But what about me? If I can't have your children then I won't be able to have children at all! Ever! What will I do?"
"Quite frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!"
Pacifica couldn't help but giggle at Dipper's line; he noticed.
"Oh you liked that did ya? Well I..."
As the driver headed for the front Edna's face glowed red with anger. "ENOUGH! Dipper, I need to know! What is it she has that I don't?! You say it's because she cares better but I would have cared for our children! So tell me what makes her so much better to you than me!"
Dipper rolled his eyes, the feint sound of the engine starting up could be heard in the background. "I do believe I've already listed everything she has over you. Maybe you weren't listening or..."
The vehicle started to drive away but Edna's rage had reached a point where it needed to be heard.
"OR MAYBE YOU'RE JUST A SUCKER FOR BLONDE BIMBOS!" Edna screamed as she was taken away.
"Or maybe he's just not in to sluts!" Pacifica called back.
"Oh shit! I hadn't thought of that!"
As the vehicle drove away Pacifica pulled out the newspaper from her purse.
"Dipper the reason I came back so soon is because I need you to see this."
Dipper took it from her and was shocked when he spotted the headline.
JOHNATHON NORTHWEST OF NEW YORK CITY MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN EVER
The Rich Get Richer
Omake
Pacifica had made a small little scarf for herself inside the fabric store. She actually managed to find a shade of yellow which reminded her of a llama sweater Mabel had made for her when they were twelve. She found it complimented her hair very nicely and couldn't help but wonder if anybody would notice.
Walking down the street she noticed she had caught the eye of a couple of teenaged girls. Typical fashion divas, she wondered what they thought of her scarf.
"Brittany, check out that woman's scarf!"
"Oh I know Tiffany. She probably thinks she's, like, all that!"
"Yeah, that is such a knock off of the Coconut Libertarian scarf from, like, three seasons ago."
"I know, right? She's a total wannabe but I, like, wonder where she bought it."
Pacifica let out a heavy sigh.
"In a world full sheep I'm a llama." she deadpanned.
That's all for now. Cut me a little slack with this one guys, I wrote the second half of this with a cold so the flow might not be as tight as usual. Sorry. Anyways, I'm hoping to make the next chapter a short one shot adventure. Hopefully it won't take as long to write. If there was anything you liked about this chapter let me hear about it. If not you can chalk it up to the cold.