Chapter 12- Crowley Goes to Hell
Crowley walked into hell with a duffle bag of items Shax left at the flat. Most of the demons that knew him snarled and turned their backs when they saw him. The ones that recognized him from his trial and non-destruction in holy water screamed and ran away. Shax was Probationary Grand Duke of Hell, which meant Crowley had to be announced by the usher, "The Demon Crowley". ("former" Crowley mouthed). He was allowed to enter.
Shax had redecorated. Tapestries of ancient tortures covered the walls and the throne was now covered in blood red leather. Crowley bent his head "Probationary Leader, I bring your items from earth." He opened the duffel and unloaded the contents: "mascara, riding crop, boots, 'The Crown' DVD, drink shaker, your mail, and, as requested, a cooler of ice".
Shax picked up the shaker and placed it next to the cooler. "Hard to keep ice down here, and I enjoy the occasional margarita. Are you here to beg for your old job back?"
"Naoh, let Eric do it. I can show him the ropes. I just want to keep my flat. I am willing to work as a consultant".
"We know you have allegiance elsewhere. Isn't your pet running things upstairs?" She hissed all the s's and enjoyed trying to throw Crowley off his game.
"My allegiance is to myself. Which is how we all ended up in Hell, isn't it?" Crowley gestured in general to the space around him.
"I'll consider your offer. We'll let you know when we decide on someone. Eric is a mouthy know-it-all, much like my predecessor in that position", Shax raised an eyebrow at Crowley. "You may go Crowley."
He half-bowed with a flourish "Your Seethingness" and left the throne room. Shax picked up the crop and sensuously ran her fingers over it. She pushed the button on the intercom, "Send for Furfur…."
Crowley slipped down the hallway past his exit, into the alert room. Like most departments in Hell, no one was there. One wall was a map of the world. Red lights glowed when something that would increase hell's numbers occurred. Areas with tribal wars or ethnic cleansing were blinking brightly. The American South positively glowed. Another wall had the 7 deadly sins in neon. Wrath was a bright red; Pride was indigo. Greed glowed in gold, Lust strobed in purple, and Envy was green. Gluttony was orange while Sloth slowly blinked a dull white.
Another wall held a shelf of lamps from various eras; alarms that were brought in as needed. There was a burn mark on the wall where the 'Armageddon' alarm had exploded when Satan showed up. Crowley found a small ship's lantern, labeled 'Major Miracle Alert' with a handmade tag, blew off the dust and unscrewed the bulb that hadn't been replaced after their miracle with Gabriel. He then set the lantern down and paused at the door as Furfur walked by, whistling. Once the demon turned the corner to Shax's office, Crowley snuck back to his exit, which came out at a fire exit behind the National Gallery. He hopped into the Bentley, tapped a rhythm on the steering wheel, announcing "mission accomplished". He drove back to the flat, feeling successful as the radio played "Killer Queen".