Chapter 14 – Bingo
Occasionally, Crowley would load the plants into the Bentley, and they'd roam the countryside or the beach. Delphine loved the wind in her leaves and they all loved the speed. He decided to use this as an excuse to drop by the bookshop and see if Muriel was their key to a back door into Heaven.
When Crowley entered the bookshop, he saw that Muriel no longer wore any version of a uniform and was mixing up styles in startling ways- she got her idea of fashion from American reality shows, but her favorite way to decide was looking online at Barbie fashion. Today, she wore purple ski boots, orange exercise leggings and a pink cocktail dress with a zebra belt and avocado hoodie, with a pin that read 'my pronouns change daily". She was bouncing in her boots to Wham's "I'm Your Man" on the radio. She was trying to undo Gabriel's organization system and was now arranging the books from thinnest to thickest.
When she saw Crowley, she carefully set the books down and turned off the music with a wave of her hand. 'Allo Crowley. Mr. Crowley. Demon." "Just Crowley" "How can I help you? Would you like a cupperty or a cuppa coffee or chocolate?
"Coffee. And are you still Officer Constable?" "I am Muriel Constable. You may call me Muriel." The angel bounced to the kitchen. Crowley sat in his regular armchair, waiting for his opportunity to investigate.
Muriel returned, handing Crowley a mug that tried to resemble a cumulus cloud with a rainbow handle. The coffee was sweet with hazelnut creamer, which wasn't Crowley's choice, but he was surprised – "You've learned to make a decent coffee already!"
"Yes. Nina showed me so I would not have to buy it as often." (Actually, Nina showed her how to make it to keep her out of the coffee shop. The customers were put off by the questions Muriel would ask, such as: "Did you choose to be this height?")
"And how might I help you, Mr. C?"
"I'm taking the Plants out for a drive, and they wanted to stop and see you. They're in the car, go say 'hello'. Muriel skipped out to the car. Crowley had introduced her to the Plants, asking her to care for them when he traveled. He was not surprised that she and the Plants enjoyed each other's company. Ambrose and Delphine liked her energy, and Hugo sent her on weird errands for items he had never seen, like a waffle iron. Sonya was schooling Jemimah, and Muriel liked to pop in for the history lesson.
While he waited for her to return, he looked around, noting Muriel's changes to the establishment. Most was left just as Aziraphale had left it, but the corner Muriel had adapted for her reading nook contained a curio displaying a variety of teacups and saucers –"cupperties" and mugs "cuppas". A few squishy pillows with Anime faces lined the sofa and a figure of a dancing llama sat next to a unicorn lamp with a light up horn.
Muriel came in and sat on the sofa. "Those plants are so active for beings we assume are stagnant! Delphine is about to spore and Jemimah has lost a leaf, but they assure me it's part of a growth spurt. We were discussing our history lesson. Sonya tells such great stories. Ambrose and Hugo want me to bring some Kipling to read next time I visit, and a fly swatter."
Crowley let her ramble, glad that she and the Plants were friends and welcoming a moment to prepare his opening. "So, what's been going on here?"
"Well, the Metatron comes by to see if you and Mr. Fell have been here. Since Mr. Fell has not returned, I can say 'no'. Mr. Fell sent his assistant, Raph, down for his first visit to Earth. Could he meet the Plants? Oh, and you are mentioned on this postcard." She handed Crowley addressed to "Fell and Crowley". It was from the Liberace Museum in Las Vegas. The inscription read "Every day, we wish you were here! Jim & Bebe".
Crowley chuckled and handed the card back, "Are you enjoying your time on earth?"
"I am! There is so much to see, and I am grateful the Metatron asked me to cover for Mr. Fell. I made sure to thank him last time he came by the bookshop. My desk in Heaven is so far back that I see no one for decades and usually, it's someone sneaking back in after a night on Earth."
"BINGO", Crowley thought- "She knows the entrance!" "Have you ever snuck out?"
"Just once, to see the fireworks at the Queen's Jubilee. I felt guilty for days, but it was spectacular!"
"So you know where the door is to get in that way? Could you take us there?"
"Yes! I just need to turn off the kettle..." "
Crowley motioned for her to stop. "Not now. But I'm sure Mr. Fell will need you to take us some time. We have some people that need to move up unnoticed and you are just the person to take us there…."
"like last time…. Bees."
"Exactly! Operation 'Buzz, Buzz' it is!" Crowley slapped his hands together and smiled. Muriel smiled and clapped in return.
"No one ever notices me in Heaven unless I am talking to the Supreme Mr. Fell. They don't like me talking to him."
"I can believe that. So don't mention this during your visit. Or that you've been talking to me, unless Aziraphale says something." Crowley knew better than to identify it as 'a secret' or any other word that would stick in Muriel's memory and slip out. He moved on, so she wouldn't dwell on his instructions. "What have you learned besides coffee making?"
"Tea. I've actually tasted both now; I prefer herbal tea with honey. And Maggie has been sharing her records." Muriel held up a Beatles album. "I wish they let us have records in heaven."
"One of the many things that makes Heaven boring. Thanks for the 'cuppa'." He handed the cloud mug back to the angel. "I'll drop by soon."
"You're welcome. I am moving into the flat above the record shop soon, and then I can start on your movie list."
"Excellent. Can't wait". Crowley exited the bookshop and walked out to the Bentley. "Operation Buzz, Buzz is a Go." He thought as he started the car – "Where to guys?" "Brighton!" the plants decreed in unison. "to the Shore!" and Crowley drove off as 'Seaside Rendevous" began playing over the radio.