Chapter 16 – Muriel Delivers
Muriel went to Heaven, taking Aziraphale's journal to him. The journal was one ancient, leatherbound book of what appeared to be 150 pages, but in reality, was more like 20,000 pages. No one could open it but Aziraphale.
She entered the Head Office, where Michael was nagging him, as usual. "Aziraphale, we need to set a date. When will the Christ be ready?" The Acting Supreme Archangel was sitting at his desk which had slots and drawers that rose out of sight. He turned to face Michael, "We need a dry, clear day to make the biggest impact. Check the weather reports for July, worldwide."
"We can alter the weather. It's all going to burn anyway."
"Michael, it's about 'presentation'", Aziraphale's fingers flew out to punctuate the word. "The risen will want to write about it – let's make it visually spectacular. Don't you want the return of the Lord to be awe inspiring?"
Michael rolled her eyes and heaved a sigh. "I suppose, but it seems unnecessary. We have all of Eternity to make an impression. What do You want?" Michael had just noticed Muriel in the doorway with the leather satchel.
Muriel stood a little taller, "I was requested by the Acting Supreme Archangel."
"Ah Muriel! Thank you for bringing my mail", there was no way Aziraphale was going to let Michael know he kept a journal, much less had it brought to him in Heaven. Her thirst for information was about power, not knowledge. He stood and motioned Muriel to his side of the desk. He opened the satchel and waved a postcard at Michael, "Every day…we're having fun! Take care of Heaven and (he didn't read "Crowley" out loud) 'everything' – Jim & BeBe." He flipped the card over to see a photo of Gabriel and Beelzebub wearing Mouse ears and sharing a pineapple whip at Disneyworld. He showed Michael and Muriel the photo (mostly to irritate Michael so she would leave the room). "I'm going to Disneyworld with our North American ambassador after their elections!" Muriel informed the others. "Ugh", said Michael, making sure her disdain was audible. "Well at least we have a lead on the deserters on Judgement Day".
"Possibly. "Now Michael, get those weather reports please". Michael nodded to her Acting Supreme Archangel and left Aziraphale's office. He held a finger up before Muriel could start, "Wait…" after a moment he dropped his hand. "Michael loves to 'listen at keyholes'" He gestured with a wave of 2 fingers, and a chair for Muriel and 2 cups of tea appeared. He pulled the journal out of the satchel and placed it in a drawer of his desk, which disappeared when he closed it. "How is the bookshop?" he asked as he sat.
"Fine, and full of books. The customers never seem to find what they're looking for, do they? It's like the book they want hides when they enter". Muriel handed the angel a box of his favorite biscuits. He smiled at the gift.
"That is a security measure I put in years ago. Only one book, a book of poetry, has ever been taken from the shop without my permission and I think I know who the culprit is. What are you reading now?" To increase her understanding of humanity, Aziraphale had a reading list for Muriel that started simply and ended with Shakespeare. Crowley had her watching movies.
"I've finished Austen and started on Alcott. Mr. Crowley says I should just watch the movies and get it over with."
"Reading lets you create the scene and exercises your imagination. You can watch the movie after you read the book and you'll see I'm right. What have you learned so far?"
"Young women must live with their families until they are married or die. Is that true?"
"Married, death, or servitude; true until the twentieth century, I would say. But when shown how, humans are very generous of heart. I hope you picked that up in your reading as well."
"Is being poor as romantic as they make it seem? The rich seemed very unromantic. Do the poor have to show them that as well?"
"That may also be true until the twentieth century. The poor have more need of an imagination to make their life bearable." Aziraphale sipped his tea to make his question seem casual. "Has Crowley visited often?"
"He comes by occasionally and calls every few days. Today, he said to tell you something about 'the Queen's elbow'?" Muriel held her cup to her lips and took a deep sniff. Then she took a sip.
"I'm sure it will be fine." Aziraphale said, looking at his watch – three hours till dusk, he thought. He had enough time. That meant Crowley had contacted Mary.
Muriel was still talking. "Maggie and Nina ask about you when I go to the coffee shop or have a question I think they can answer – what should I tell them?"
"Tell them 'Thank you' and I will be back as soon as things are settled here at work."
"and Mr. Fell?" Muriel was still still talking.
"Yes, Muriel?" Aziraphale was touched that she apparently missed him, but he needed to prepare his alibi with Raph while he went to meet with Crowley.
"Who should I talk to when I have questions about Human males?"
"Oh dear", thought the angel, "couldn't it be something simple, like unicorns?" Aziraphale wrote down a name and address. "I'll send a note to Newton Pulsifer, explaining the situation. By now, he has had enough experience to answer your questions, although it will embarrass him to no end. Anathema has a good head on her shoulders, and they both know enough about Crowley and me from the Armageddon incident that you can be more open with them. Don't tell them about our current plan. If there's anyone up here you'd like to visit while I get this written, I need about 15 minutes to get this done."
"Yes. I'd like to visit Raph. He likes to hear about my adventures on Earth. I shall return in 15 minutes, thank you, sir." And Muriel left Aziraphale to the quiet of his office. He dictated a quick letter to the Device-Pulsifers, explaining who Muriel was and expressing his trust and appreciation for their patience and secrecy. The pen returned itself to his hand when he finished, and he addressed the envelope and drew a velocipede where the stamp would have gone.
He looked at the checklist mounted on an imaginary wall. The countdown to 'The Second Coming' was about to commence, but their plan for the real return of Jesus was coming together at nearly the same pace. His eye fell on the postcard from the 'deserters' again. "Every day, it's a-getting closer", He thought.