Chapter 21 – One Last Teatime
Uriel was in Aziraphale's office when a cacophony startled them. Uriel stopped mid-pen stroke and the ASA almost dropped the file he was looking at. "What in Heaven is that? he asked.
Uriel checked her notes. "I believe the trumpets are rehearsing to herald 'The Day'.
"But that doesn't sound glorious?"
"Wrath isn't glorious, it's fearful". Uriel replied. "The Metatron wanted bagpipes, but we decided to stick with tradition."
"The Metatron suggested –Uriel, when was the last time the Almighty was present in Heaven?
"After the Ascension. The Lord God came to make sure Jesus was comfortable."
"So you've only heard from the Metatron from over 2000 years?"
"He is the Voice of God." Uriel replied in her factual monotone, as usual.
"But…."Aziraphale started, but noticed Uriel was beginning to look curiously at him. "I was hoping I would be able to confer with the Almighty next time she was here."
"God's creation has many flocks to tend. We operate on a 'no news is good news' mindset up here.
"I see. Very good." Aziraphale changed the subject, listening to the angry trumpets for a moment. "Berlioz, 'Dies Irae'. From the Requiem, not the Symphony. Very appropriate for the occasion, but we need some low brass instruments. The tubists usually hang out at the Gates, but I doubt many trombone players make it to heaven. Could you have someone check around? I'd start in munitions- they like to blow things up. Trombonists love mischief."
"Can't Raph do that?"
"He's putting together the schedule for our 'Rapture Day' Drill." The ASA spoke a half-truth, Raph was also double-checking the Heavenly Portals for the most direct route to Lake Geneva.
"I'll have someone check. What do you think?" Uriel pointed to the file Aziraphale was looking over.
He pointed to an item on the page, "' Judgement day will be 'live cast' is that telecast? Technology is sparse in some zones."
Uriel looked at the list. "Live cast is a direct line to each individual's consciousness."
"What if someone is piloting an aircraft, or driving a vehicle? I need a more detailed report on safety measures."
Uriel spoke into her phone "safety measures pre-livecast".
"Who is coordinating with hell for the transfer of the damned?"
"Sandalphon is talking to" Uriel scrolled through her information, "Fur Fur?"
"Furfur" Aziraphale said, "There's a pair – they'll enjoy that so much, they might bond over it".
"You know Fur-Fur?"
"We've met. He threatened my existence once. But if I held a grudge against everyone that had done that, then who would I have left to work with up here?" Aziraphale raised an eyebrow as his voice turned terse, "Right. Uriel?"
Uriel nodded knowingly, remembering when they had cast Aziraphale (so they thought) into the Hellfire. "The Acting Supreme Archangel has always been praised for his forgiveness of others..."
"Indeed, I have". Aziraphale sat at his desk, remembering what Crowley had told him about that moment- " The suits from upstairs were rather pleased with themselves until I tried to fry them. Then they let you go, rather quickly" – and knowing the former demon would have loved watching Aziraphale throw that back in Uriel's face. Then he remembered Uriel was still there. He turned on his 'twinkle' and tapped the file. "I'll give this a little more study. Maybe after the trumpets have finished their rehearsal." He stood, "I think it's time for my tea with the Lord. Thank you, Uriel," he dismissed the angel, who nodded and left the office, looking chastened.
Aziraphale headed for Jesus' room, deep in thought. "No sign of God. I'm sure the Metatron is responsible for more power grabs than just separating Crowley and me. I suppose I will have to confront him, but first, we need to make sure our friends are ready to travel."
The trumpet practice had thankfully finished by the time he reached Jesus' room. Jesus was sharpening his tools. The overalls had been replaced with carpenter pants and a flannel shirt. The sandals were back and Aziraphale thought he heard humming when he walked in.
"Hello, Fell. Teatime already? Let me wash up." Jesus carefully placed the knife in its spot on his worktable and went to the sink.
"Where do you want to go today?" the angel asked. They had gotten into the habit of taking tea in a different destination each time.
"Somewhere with lots of green." Jesus reached out to take Aziraphale's hand and they were next to a kiosk in Redwoods National Forest in the Northwest continental U.S. The angel purchased their teas and they walked to a picnic area with a scenic overlook. Jesus looked around, "these trees are so green and majestic. Nothing in a hurry here, eh, Fell?"
"Not at all, Jesu. Everything gets to grow at its own pace and in its own way." They sat and enjoyed the sound of the wind and the life in the forest.
"How's it going? Are we getting ready to move?"
"Nearly. Jesu, how often have you seen the Almighty since you came up?"
"She was here a while, at first. But I was too messed up to talk. 'Told Her to get lost, which She did. Haven't seen Her since."
"Jesu, I think we need you to make that call. We need to find out if She knows what the Metatron has been doing, and you need a chance to discuss your ideas on returning."
Jesus confessed. "I've tried. Any call I've made alerts the Metatron and he just shows up and tells me to 'get ready for the judgement day'. One time he sent Judy Garland to sing it to me. I even tried in the middle of St. Marks's Cathedral when you and I were in Venice last week."
"That's disappointing. It means the trace is on you, not just Heaven. We'll have to wait until you and Mary go through the portal. It will clear you of the tracers. We'll have to rethink the order of our plan."
Aziraphale refilled his tea as a ray of sunlight broke through the trees ("My idea", he heard Crowley say, from their picnic). Then he realized Jesus was talking. "Pardon?"
"Fell you've worked so hard to help me and Madge, and I appreciate your friendship and help. But I haven't asked 'why?'. What do you want when all this is done?"
"After we save mankind, I just want to return to my bookshop."
"You are satisfied with your life on Earth, but there is something else you desire, Fell. There is an empty space – you need someone.
"Jesu, if this results in the Second Coming You want, I might be able to hope. As things are, I'll leave the space to remind me of my, my…."
"The word you're looking for is "soulmate". Aziaphale nodded, afraid his emotions would spill if he spoke. Jesus refilled his tea. "Most believe that 'soulmates' are a fiction, but what they really are is rare. The Bible talks of rubies, but soulmates are a beautiful and often imperfect diamond, cleaved in two." He pointed to a tree across the picnic table. "Look at those two saplings that grew together – if we carefully parted them, we would still see where the other was; where it's supposed to be. It doesn't feel right to part them now that they've grown together, does it?" Aziraphale shook his head. "Soulmates. Madge is Mine, and like Madge and Me, I think you and yours are stuck in separate realms. For Now." Jesus winked at the angel. "I'm not as omniscient as my parent, but I am a good listener and pretty smart."
"You're more than that, Jesu", Aziraphale looked across at the intertwined pair.
Jesus smiled. "Let's enjoy this place for another moment, then get back to work, finding our other halves." They sat in the quiet, finishing their tea.
Aziraphale coughed to settle his emotions. "Now I understand Mary's anger. You are the Prince of Peace, who only taught love. How could they be so cruel as to murder you?" he blinked back tears.
"Like a child that crushes a butterfly when all they want to do is wonder at it – they did not understand. Probably still don't, but like a stream carving a canyon, we will keep trying and make some progress." The angel smiled at the abundance of analogies. Jesus continued, "We're gonna make the world better, Fell. And I don't just mean Earth. When we're finished, a lot of healing will be done." Jesus stood and took Aziraphale's hand, "It's what we do".
And they were back at Jesus' workbench. "Let me show you my additions" Jesus pointed out 2 new carvings in Mary's chair. A man and a woman were standing at the top of the waterfall, holding hands. Among the clouds, two angels in flight were holding hands.
All Aziraphale could say was, "Thy will be done."