Operation "Buzz, Buzz"
As arranged, Aziraphale brought Jesus to the underpass that ran under the road next to St. Paul's Cathedral. Crowley & Muriel were waiting, all dressed in funeral clothing such as the new arrivals would wear coming into Purgatory. "The Acting Supreme Archangel and our Lord Christ!" Muriel bowed. Jesus pulled her up, "please don't Muriel; you are truly a purer soul than I." Muriel blushed and kept her eyes downward in reverence.
"Let's not attract attention, get a wiggle on" Aziraphale said, looking anxiously about to make sure no one had witnessed that.
Crowley tapped on the handrail and the wall turned to glass, revealing the rail to be the push bar on a revolving door. Crowley and Muriel entered first, then Aziraphale and Jesus. They found themselves on the main concourse for Purgatory. The Arrivals sign listed them as Anton C, Ezira F, Jesse G, and Daphne M. "I've always felt like a Daphne", said Muriel, looking pleased. The Departures sign blinked TBA. Jesus looked around with some astonishment.
Crowley looked at Jesus, "Your duties on return includes sorting this lot. We go to Concourse A. When we get there, we'll slow our pace and try not to look like newcomers. Gate 27 has a coffee shop next to it -we'll meet her there." Crowley led the way.
When they got to the coffee shop, Crowley didn't see Mary at first. She had sat with her back to the entrance; watching the door had made her too anxious. Jesus walked straight to her. Aziraphale held out his arms to hold the others back, "Give them a moment, they deserve this." He nodded at Crowley, "Now."
Crowley pulled out his crankshaft handle, spun it, and time stopped between seconds.
Jesus placed a hand on her shoulder, "Madge?"
Mary stood, turned, and threw her arms around him in one fluid motion, "Jesu!" she exclaimed in a whisper. He kissed her forehead and hugged her tightly to him, "my sweet girl, how I've missed you." They held each other for a long time. The angels stayed back and waited patiently.
Mary pulled away enough to see His face, "I'm sorry I was so stubborn, my love. I couldn't bear their hypocrisy. Forgive me?"
"There is nothing to forgive" Jesu kissed her. "Besides, the time we waited may have been for the best. Now we have friends to help. Jesus waved the angels over. This is Fell and Muriel, who have been my help upstairs, and you know – "
"Cora", Mary kissed Crowley on the cheek and squeezed his arm, "you have brought my heart back to me, my sister."
"mm…eh…well.." Crowley stammered with embarrassment, "let's sit and review the plan. Muriel – could you get us a round of drinks?" They went to the large booth in the corner, Jesus and Mary sitting as close as possible on one side, the angels on the other. Muriel brought 4 teas, and a coffee for Crowley.
Aziraphale began, "We'll go from here to Earth on a different route, then Muriel will lead us to a back entrance of Heaven. Once we're up, we'll carefully make our way to the portal. We won't have time to prepare you, so you'll have to shed your corporal bodies to go through the portal- your body will be reinstated on the other side, without tracers. But we need to get to the portal. Mary, that means…"
"I have to go to heaven" Mary looked deep into her cup of tea as if it were a well. Her hands wrapped around it as if it were her last hold on life. Jesus lay his hands on hers- "Madge, we're going together". Mary looked at his face; Jesus smiled. She sighed and all the tension left her body. A tear dropped into the tea, "together" she sighed.
"Together". Muriel still echoed when she agreed with what was being said. But this time it made sense.
"Together" Aziraphale pledged, nodding and looking at Crowley. He pursed his lips, "together, then."
The hard part done, Aziraphale pushed on. "We'll have to avoid detection, especially from the Metatron. He is the main obstacle, although there are others. Now, when the Metatron is near Crowley or I, he seems to use our senses to trigger a feeling of fear or shame. I taste it, Crowley smells it- something that reminds us of our worst moment. Have either of you been near him?" Jesus and Mary shook their heads.
Crowley turned to Muriel, "What did you sense when the Metatron was with you? Did anything change?"
Muriel whispered, as if afraid he might be around, "All the color went out of the world. I felt like I was friendless again."
Jesus reached over and patted her shoulder, "Never again, Muriel. I promise."
Muriel smiled shyly, "Thank you, my Lord".
Aziraphale reminded them. "So be alert to anything that reminds you of your worst memory".
Mary "I guess we all know what day that was".
Jesus nodded.
"Muriel is our guide, until we reach the upper levels." Crowley nodded to the angel, who was unusually stilled by her shock of sitting with the Lord.
Mary was trying to sort it out. "If they catch us….."
"They'll see the Wrath they've been wanting me to rain down on earth. I'm not powerless, you know. We're just trying to slip away quietly," Jesus he gripped the cup, muscles flexed, but relaxed when Mary rested her hand on his arm.
Aziraphale shook his head, "I don't think they would dare to harm either of you. You'd just be returned to where you've been the past 2000 years, and they'll try to start this over. Muriel will go back to her desk on Level 37, memory wiped. I might be cast down to Hell, but probably just a total memory wipe and demoted to Level 40." Aziraphale gathered the cups on a tray and toddled off. Jesus and Muriel walked over to the window and discussed various routes upstairs. Crowley remained silent.
"Cora, what about you?" Mary felt like her friend was being ignored by the others, but they were just more used to the modern, silent Crowley.
"Returned to hell and put in a pit somewhere. Not the first time."
"That explains why your joy is gone." Mary interjected.
"Shax loves pain and setting examples too much to finish me off. Nothing too bad except…" C's eyes followed his Angel, who was looking at the scones on the counter.
"Cora, you must tell him before we do this. It may be your last chance."
Crowley blinked behind his glasses, "He knows. We're – "
"Ineffable" Aziraphale had come back to the table undetected, facing Mary. His blue eyes were a little sad, but very sure. "Cannot be said out loud. Beyond understanding."
"More like Impossible." Crowley's face turned to stone as he got out of the booth and joined Jesus and Muriel at the window. Aziraphale sat in Crowley's place. "We both know, but we're bound to opposite sides. I am certain there will come a time when it can be said, Crowley less so. You and Jesu may be the key for us."
"Cora has given me hope, both of you have. Thank you Aziraphale". Mary shook her head, "You angels- we assume you have no worries because your path is sure. But you both are so fearful, not for yourselves, but for each other."
"I can't imagine Existence without him. He has suffered, even longer than you." The angel smiled across the table. "But I am glad he has had a friend like you, Mary." They talked a little more about their mutual friend.
Jesus had been letting Muriel tell him what she had learned on Earth. "People are so interesting! Each one is different. Angels are mostly the same, but people can surprise you". Crowley walked up, and Muriel continued, "Crowley is a very nice person and a Demon! I'm still trying to sort this out."
"Not nice, or a person, or a demon…anymore". Crowley corrected, as usual.
"Crowley is a unique individual" Jesus observed.
Muriel nodded, "Unique" then whispered, "and nice".
Jesus put a hand on Muriel's shoulder and pointed to Aziraphale and Mary, talking in the booth, "Demons have allies, not friends. YOU have Friends", looking Crowley in directly in the eye (the former demon avoided eye contact out of habit due to his snake eyes, but Jesus could not be denied). "They both love you." He shook Muriel by their shoulder, playfully, "Muriel loves you, as do I." Muriel nodded vigorously.
"Demons are unlovable". Crowley broke eye contact and looked down.
"You are not a demon, just a fallen angel. You haven't accepted that yet. Love will come when you do, my friend. Sooner than you think."
"err…. I don't think I'm allowed to argue with the Lord," Crowley looked up with a sheepish smile.
Jesus laughed. "No, you are not!" He put his other arm around Crowley and steered the three of them towards Mary and Aziraphale. "It is time. Let's get this show on the road. I'm ready to start living."
"Alleluia" said Mary.
"Thus said the Lord", Aziraphale rose from his chair.
Crowley spun the handle, and time resumed. No one noticed, as always.
"Muriel – take us to the back entrance for clerks – they won't be looking there. Worker bees into the hive – time to look the part." Crowley snapped his fingers. Muriel was in her heavenly uniform, Jesus in a beige coverall with gold Crocs, Mary in a fawn-colored peasant top and pale blue skirt, matching blue ribbons bound her hair in a Grecian style. Aziraphale in a slightly modern version of his usual attire in pale gray. The tartan pattern was implied in a monochromatic weave of his waistcoat, a palest yellow bowtie at the white collar of his white Irish Linen shirt. Crowley in the satin leisure wear he wore previously. The white T-shirt had a golden fish symbol on it, but if you looked closely, you would see that the fish had a fin. His snake was gold, his hair in a manbun.
"Operation Buzz Buzz– lead on Muriel!"
The loading dock looked like any other in the warehouse district, perhaps a little cleaner, as if London's daily grime slid off it. The graffiti was free of profanity, lots of clouds and symbols that looked like random geometrics to humans, but in heavenly runes said "Safety first – 922 days without an accidental discorporation" - "and that was me", said Aziraphale.
Muriel punched in the passcode 4040. "They've never changed their passwords" – Crowley said, with disgust. The gray steel door with a Belinda Carlyle concert poster swung open to reveal a service elevator. The five of them stepped into it and Muriel pushed the button that read "H" in gold letters. (the H for hell was in red) "They are assuming no angels are colorblind." Crowley observed.
Aziraphale absently hummed "Heaven is a place on Earth" – Crowley leaned towards him to point out- 'that's Belinda Carlyle- a little modern for you isn't it?"
Aziraphale responded "The music of the 1980's is so identifiable, it is timeless- I remember you listened to some Hunk Rock at that time."
-"PUNK Rock, Angel."
The portal was a level below Saraquiel's office, part of the Department of Logistics and Access.
When they stepped out of the elevator, they all felt Metatron's presence. Mary, "I smell blood". Jesus, "vinegar". Muriel said it best, "uh oh". Aziraphale and Crowley looked at each other and said in unison "Apples."
Aziraphale's eyes moved quickly as he tried to scan the level, both visually and psychically. "He must be on this level." Looking at Jesus and Mary, "if you need to escape, try to get back to earth, but if not go to Jesus' room. You should be safer there."
Aziraphale mentally ran through the plan.
If they could make it to the portal, prepare Jesus and Mary, get them transported and then redirect the portal before they were discovered, they would avert the wrathful Second Coming and eventually the Christ would move the Rapture into a more peaceful and less vengeful event.
If the two angels and former demon were discovered after that, the plan was to beg mercy for Muriel, but they were willing to accept the consequences ("Our accumulated thwarts have probably added up to this anyway", Crowley observed when they talked through it earlier.)
"Now, if we all go at once, we'll be conspicuous. Muriel will go with me, and the three of you will follow at a discreet distance." Aziraphale summoned a clip board and he and Muriel bustled away to the far-left hallway.
Crowley turned to the couple. "Mary, I know this is hard for you, but you cannot hold his hand. Physical contact would give us away as outsiders up here." Jesus ran his hand through his hair, which he had been growing out since Aziraphale's first visits had given him hope. He gave the one strand that had come loose to Mary- "now I am with you". Crowley held his breath, remembering the black feather in A's wallet. As the angels neared the hallway, Crowley said "you can walk side by side, but not too close. Follow me and look like you're on an errand- don't look around too much, the less emotion the better."
Jesus muttered something about 2000 years of practice and gave Mary's hand a last squeeze before He let go, "Just like when we walked past the Romans at market, eh Madge?" Mary nodded, and her face became instantly, passively disinterested.
Crowley was both impressed and saddened. "Well Done, You! Let's go." They walked across the gleaming blank space that shimmered with implied cubicles. They were almost to the door when they heard Aziraphale's voice – "I have every right to be here". Seraquiel's voice – "but Muriel doesn't – why are you ascended instead of Downstairs?"
Crowley held his arm out to signal their stop. He had Mary and Jesus face outside the window to gaze at the sights and pretend to be in discussion. Fortunately, it was the Alps and Jesus could point out where he planned to settle down with Mary, while Crowley listened to the conversation around the corner.
Aziraphale explained, "I asked her to bring me my favorite cocoa mug", holding out the wing'd mug. "She wanted to know where to purchase the best cocoa near the shop and we were looking for a map."
Muriel nodded, "Cocoa. Map. Yes."
Seraquiel, (who never believed nor cared to understand what the earth-bound angels talked about, finding it all bothersome and absurd) didn't even listen to them, "well get on with it and hurry back to your post, Muriel. Acting Supreme Archangel Aziraphale is getting ready for the Rapture. Don't waste his time!"
Muriel nodded again, "Rapture. Right. Waste."
Seraquiel rolled her eyes and floated to the elevator. "Acting Supreme Archangel Aziraphale, don't forget our meeting to set the timetables for returning souls."
Aziraphale sounded bored, "Yes, yes."
When Crowley heard the elevator ascend, he brought his charges into the hallway. "Well done, Angel."
"We've had practice, eh?" Aziraphale shook his curls and twinkled. "Now where to?"
Muriel pointed towards a door with the letters PM above it. "Portos Maximus – the 'large gate'. It has a passcode, but I don't know it"
"No matter", Jesus waved his hand over the pad; the door opened and everyone looked surprised. "'Didn't say I was powerless, just wouldn't let them tell me what to do. I prefer working with my hands". He turned to Aziraphale, "You will deliver the chair?"
"I'll make sure you get it. I may even bring it in person." Aziraphale beamed at the Lord.
Jesus, Mary, and Muriel walked through the door to the portal.
Crowley stopped Aziraphale. "You just lied to the Christ."
Aziraphale stared ahead. "Perhaps. But if he knew I'd be getting the ultimate sanction, he wouldn't go." Looking sideways at Crowley, "So I'll tell him what I can, to use your words 'as far as I can'".
They walked through the door to hear Muriel say, "It's the Metatron".