Beavis and Butt-Head in: Stewart's Mom's Job

by Barakao1

After learning they were wrong and Stewart's Mom does have a job, working in the library at Dartmouth College, they decide to fix things by arriving at the Dartmouth library and making her life a living Hell. (Not yet finished)

Beavis and Butt-Head in:

Stewart's Mom's Job

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Don't start nothing, won't be nothing.

I definitely recommend taking a good look at the real life Beavises and Butt-Heads of the world and strongly recommend against siding with them on anything.

FADE IN from black to the exterior of Strickland High School as a bell rings.

Inside the lunchroom, Beavis and Butt-Head shift through line to get their food.

Behind them is Stewart.

Butt-Head stands around, gets an idea, and knocks Stewart backward, knocking his entire tray and all the food on it. People start laughing.

BUTT-HEAD: Hey, Stewart! The food is for eating, not falling down like an idiot!

The other kids start pointing and laughing at Stewart. Butt-Head grins.

BUTT-HEAD: See, Stewart? Look. Now everyone's laughing at you.

BEAVIS: Yeah. Heh heh. Moron! Everyone's laughing at you!

Beavis suddenly looks back to his left only to accidentally knock his tray into the counter, spilling food everywhere.

BEAVIS: Well, it's okay. It happens.

He reorganizes his food, getting behind Butt-Head.

BEAVIS: Let's all . . . let's all try to be civil here.

BUTT-HEAD: Shut up, dillwad!

BEAVIS: Heh heh. I stand corrected. Heh heh heh.

They walk off to sit at a table.

TEENAGE GIRL: My Mom's a nurse, so she sees these things happen from time to time. The way she explained it . . .

BEAVIS: Hey, Butt-Head. What jobs do our Moms have?

BUTT-HEAD: . . . Uhhh . . . I don't know.

BEAVIS: . . . Don't they, like . . . work in like . . . an office or something? . . . Like Mary Tyler Moore?

BUTT-HEAD: No, dillwad! They would work in like . . . in like, a . . . well . . . well, I don't know, but I imagine someone has the answer.

Butt-Head looks around and sees Stewart nearby.

STEWART: Well, my Mom has a job at a college. She works at the library, so she also tends to -

BUTT-HEAD: Whoa! Really?

Butt-Head approaches Stewart.

BUTT-HEAD: Your Mom has a job, Stewart?

STEWART: Huh? Oh, uhhh – uh, yeah, at a college.

BUTT-HEAD: No way. No she doesn't.

STEWART: No, she does.

BUTT-HEAD: I thought your Mom was, like, a housewife.

STEWART: No, she has a job.

Butt-Head scowls.

BUTT-HEAD: I don't know. I just can't picture that working out.

STEWART: Well, anyway. That's the whole thing. It's not like I'm a kid anymore, where I would need my mother to take care of me full-time or something, like when you're four years old -

BUTT-HEAD: Tell you what. I think I'm right, and I aim to prove it. Where is this college?

STEWART: Huh? Oh, Dartmouth.

BUTT-HEAD: I'm going there.

BEAVIS: Dartmouth. Dartmouth. I believe the BASIC Programming language was programmed in a place called Dartmouth.

BUTT-HEAD: What department does your Mom work in?

STEWART: Huh? Oh – no, Butt-Head, I don't think you should go there. Really. Do something better with your time, please, like – well, anything is more productive than bothering –

BUTT-HEAD: I'm going there. Huh huh huh huh.

STEWART: . . . I'm sure you two have better things to do with your time.

BUTT-HEAD: Stewart, no one asked for your opinion!

BEAVIS: Yeah. Yeah. Dartmouth! Dartmouth! Dartmouth!

STEWART: No. No. You two will not screw with my Mom at her workplace!

BUTT-HEAD: Don't worry. No one wants to screw with your Mom.

BEAVIS: But verbal harassment is still fair game.

STEWART: Please don't. It would be wrong.

BEAVIS: We don't know the meaning of right from wrong!

BUTT-HEAD: She did this to herself, Stewart.

STEWART: How? How? Explain this farce of yours, please.

BUTT-HEAD: She had you.

STEWART: . . . That's just sick. One more time: DO NOT GO.

BUTT-HEAD: Well, I can see this is what hurts you. So you know what, Stewart? . . . Blame yourself. Huh huh huh huh huh.

STEWART: Beavis, can you please talk some sense into your friend?

BEAVIS: Oh yeah. Uhhh . . . umm, Butt-Head, now, now maybe you should stop and reconsider.

Butt-Head slaps him.

BUTT-HEAD: Be quiet!

BEAVIS: Okay.

BUTT-HEAD: If your Mom was stupid enough to have you, who knows what else she's stupid enough to do!

STEWART: Butt-Head, listen to me. Don't do it.

BUTT-HEAD: I dare myself to do it. Huh huh huh huh huh.

BEAVIS: Yeah, I dare myself to do it too. Heh heh heh heh heh. Heh heh heh heh heh.

STEWART: If you stalk her, I am warning you . . . you WILL go to jail.

BUTT-HEAD: Oh, Stewart, that's an empty threat. Jail is for wusses like you that no one likes, not for real men like myself and Beavis.

STEWART: Just leave her out of it.

BUTT-HEAD: Uhhhhh . . . okay. Huh huh huh. Huh huh huh huh.

STEWART: Really?

BUTT-HEAD: Actually, no. Huh huh huh. Huh huh huh huh. Huh huh huh huh.

FADE THROUGH BLACK TO:

The exterior of Dartmouth College.

Inside the library, big and spacious, little is happening.

Beavis and Butt-Head walk in together.

BUTT-HEAD: Huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh!

BEAVIS: Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh!

BUTT-HEAD: Now where is Stewart's Mom?

LIBRARIAN: Excuse me?

BUTT-HEAD: Stewart's Mom. Tell me where she is. Huh huh huh huh.

BEAVIS: Yeah, we have a score to settle with her. Heh heh heh heh.

BUTT-HEAD: Huh huh huh huh. Huh huh huh huh.

BEAVIS: Heh heh heh heh. Heh heh heh heh.

LIBRARIAN: Who exactly are you two?

BEAVIS: Beavis. Butt-Head.

LIBRARIAN: And what do you . . . do, again?

BUTT-HEAD: You're looking at it. Huh huh huh huh.

LIBRARIAN: Okay, I'll see if I can find her. Please wait for one moment.

BUTT-HEAD: Really? Huh huh huh. Uhhh . . . cool.

LIBRARIAN: The reason, again, that you're here?

BUTT-HEAD: . . . Because we genuinely want to hang out here at the library. That's why. Huh huh huh.

BEAVIS: Yeah. Heh heh. So show us where she is.

The librarian walks away.

Eventually they see Stewart's mother, working at the other end of the library.

Standing around, they begin laughing to themselves.

BUTT-HEAD: COOOOOOOOOOOCK SUCKER!

DEAN: Excuse me?

BUTT-HEAD: I said, COOOOOOOCK SUCKER!

BEAVIS: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Me too! COOOOOOCK SUCKER!

BUTT-HEAD: I SAID, COOOOOOOOCK SUCKER!

BEAVIS: COOOOOOOCK SUCKER.

BUTT-HEAD: COOOOOOCK SUCKER.

STEWART: WILL YOU TWO STOP THIS!

BUTT-HEAD: He's harassing us.

BEAVIS: Yeah! HELP! HEEEEEEEEEELP!

BUTT-HEAD: You'd better quit HARASSING PEOPLE, Stewart!

BEAVIS: Yeah! COOOOOOOOOCK SUCKER!

BUTT-HEAD: COOOOOOOCK SUCKER!

BEAVIS: No one's going to want to be around a stalker or serial harasser, Stewart!

STEWART: Now stop it! You two stop, or I swear to God!

BUTT-HEAD: Or you'll do WHAT . . . cock sucker?

BEAVIS: Heh heh. Heh heh heh. You know what this looks like, Stewart? You know what this looks like? . . . Like classic stalking and harassment. That's what it looks like. Heh heh heh.

BUTT-HEAD: Yeah. Huh huh huh huh huh. Cock sucker.

STEWART: WILL YOU STOP THIS!

BUTT-HEAD: . . . You are a cock-sucker. Huh huh huh huh huh. Huh huh huh. Huh huh huh. Huh huh huh.

STEWART: Enough. Please.

BEAVIS: COOOOOOOOCK SUCKER!

BUTT-HEAD: Huh huh huh! Huh huh huh! COOOOOOOOOCK SUCKER!

STEWART: You need to leave.

BUTT-HEAD: No one's gonna believe you, Stewart. COOOOOOOCK SUCK –

STEWART: There's witnesses here.

BUTT-HEAD: Huh huh huh. They don't get what's going on here. Huh huh huh. Huh huh huh.

STEWART: There's a camera system.

BUTT-HEAD: They'll never believe you. Huh huh huh huh.

STEWART: Except, there's a CAMERA SYSTEM.

BUTT-HEAD: Stewart, you refuse to take responsibility for this whole situation.

STEWART: Just leave. Now.

BUTT-HEAD: No. Now.

BEAVIS: Yeah. Heh heh. No. Now. Heh heh.

STEWART: Fine, you know what? Then you're right, and I will.

Stewart pulls out his cell phone and dials 911.

BUTT-HEAD: Oh, go ahead. Go call up Mommy.

A pop-up square shows the person on the other end of the phone call.

DISPATCH VOICE: 911, what is your emergency?

STEWART: Yeah, hello? I'd like to report a stalker. He's stalking me.

DISPATCH VOICE: Yeah, sure. Right. Sure he is. Okay, what is your location?

STEWART: Dartmouth College, library. It's Beavis and Butt-Head. They're stalking my Mom at her workplace.

DISPATCH VOICE: What's your name?

STEWART: Stewart.

DISPATCH VOICE: Ohhh. Pfff. I've heard about YOU. Okay, give me a little while, I'll get someone sent out over there. It's not exactly high priority right now, sounds like some small little thing that's just getting blown out of proportion, that's all.

STEWART: Uggghhhhh.

He hangs up the phone, and the pop-up square disappears.

BEAVIS: Looks like you're fixing to go to jail today, Stewart.

BUTT-HEAD: Yeah, huh huh huh, this stalking and harassment has GOT to stop. Huh huh huh. And you know what else? . . . Huh huh huh . . . people who refuse to take responsibility or admit they've done something wrong. Huh huh huh huh huh. That's what burns me the worst about this whole thing. Huh huh huh huh huh. If there's one thing I can't stand in life, it's a person who takes no responsibility for reckless behavior. Huh huh huh. COOOOOOCK SUCKER!

BEAVIS: COOOOOOCK SUCKER!

BUTT-HEAD: You owe us for this one, Stewart. You're harassing us both.

BEAVIS: Yeah, you can just cry yourself to sleep tonight!

Not finished yet . . . but it's like maybe halfway through? Ish?

Dude, look at certain people, they literally are like this. Drop them. Or, notice for a while, then drop them.