Beavis and Butt-Head in:
Don't You Know Who My Parents Are?
FADE IN from black to the exterior of a corner store on a weekend morning.
Beavis and Butt-Head enter the area together.
A panhandler is standing in front of the store, holding a cup of change out, asking for money.
PANHANDLER: Excuse me . . . a dollar? A dollar, please?
Nothing; a person or two passes him by.
PANHANDLER: God bless.
He walks on.
A man in a nice, expensive suit and tie approaches, talking into a cell phone.
MAN IN SUIT: Then wrap it up before 9 tonight, and that's final. I'm sorry.
He wraps up his call.
MAN IN SUIT: You want something? Then work for it.
PANHANDLER: But businesses don't allow homeless people to work there.
MAN IN SUIT: Excuses. Now why don't you leave this store and go do some real work?
PANHANDLER: (grumbling angrily) You know what, %*#^ you, you *%#^ing dickhead . . .
MAN IN SUIT: (to the boys) Huh. That's what amazes me. Panhandlers. You wouldn't see me panhandling. Or working at some small-time place like this corner store. I mean, don't you know who my parents are? . . . Well, nice talking to you boys.
He walks inside.
BUTT-HEAD: Whoa! Cool. That guy must make, like, a lot of money.
BEAVIS: Yeah. Heh heh. He probably plays the stock market. You know. Heh heh. Grow your money, instead of just spending it.
BUTT-HEAD: No, dillhole! You make a lot of money, then spend a lot of money. You don't know how money works.
BEAVIS: Oh. Right. Heh heh. Sorry.
BUTT-HEAD: "Don't you know who my parents are?"
BEAVIS: Yeah. Heh. Heh. "I can make one phone call, and they could kick your ass!"
BUTT-HEAD: Huh huh huh huh huh.
BEAVIS: "One phone call, and it's your nuts! Don't you know who my parents are?"
BUTT-HEAD: "Don't you know who my parents are?"
They sit around, laughing for a short while.
BEAVIS: We should try that.
BUTT-HEAD: Try what?
BEAVIS: We should just say: "Don't you know who my parents are?" And just . . . say it.
BUTT-HEAD: Huh huh huh huh. Why?
BEAVIS: Because, like . . . they'll be like . . . "Oh, these people must be rich."
BUTT-HEAD: Huh huh huh huh huh. Beavis, that is a stupid idea. That is literally, like, the worst idea ever. You should really stop even trying. I mean, honest to God, Beavis. Why do you even bother?
Butt-Head walks away, entering the store.
BEAVIS: Heh. Heh heh. Heh.
Sagging his head a little in shame, he loses enthusiasm.
BEAVIS: Well, I thought it was worth a shot. But hey, what do I know.
Inside the store, Butt-Head approaches the cashier with some drinks and snacks.
CASHIER: Hello.
He starts ringing things up one by one, scanning each item's barcode.
CASHIER: All right, that'll be $10.60.
BUTT-HEAD: Uhhhhh . . . don't you know who my parents are?
CASHIER: Excuse me?
BUTT-HEAD: I said, don't you know . . . who my . . . parents . . . are?
CASHIER: It's $10.60, sir.
BUTT-HEAD: One phone call, and it's your nuts.
CASHIER: Come on, cash or card? Or your phone?
BUTT-HEAD: Huh huh huh. Well, I'm going to leave now. But if this happens again, I will be making some calls. Huh huh huh huh.
He leaves the store.
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Work in progress. Have not yet finished.