—- CHAPTER 4 —-
Triumph over Doubt
The only place I've ever seen Mom smile is while in her garden. From the moment I realized how she really felt about me, I've been trying my best to leave her alone and uninterrupted there so she can find some peace.
I knew deep down that it was selfish of me to think things would change simply because I wanted them to, and I needed to chill on pressing her the way I have. She didn't want to accept me, and there was nothing I could do to change that.
True relationships are established when both parties consent to wanting each other in their life. There was no amount of me wanting it that mattered more than my mothers willing consent participating in the relationship.
Without her acceptance of me, our relationship would be hollow and empty forever. I can only control how I react to situations, and everything else is out of my hands. I knew that, but I found I needed reminders again and again.
I couldn't dwell on my demons for long, and needed to find a shiny new obsession to distract me from my inner turmoil.
That attention elsewhere, it went into thinking up a flexibility, strength, and endurance regimen that I started following and making adjustments to for the next year.
It complicated things that I wanted to respect my Mom's wishes and show that I learned my lesson to trust in her, and also because I could view it as true and worthy a challenge to format all my organization in my head.
I was getting better, but I made many more mistakes ignoring journaling and doing things this way instead. It felt sloppy and more akin to gambling than the certainty I grew accustomed to.
I bodied the youth in our gentle fist style martial spars our family took extreme pride in. I watched the other children lose and still receive hopeful feedback, but the glory was expected of me… instead of everyone who was praised for their techniques, their dexterity and strength, or their resolve to never stop looking for a path to victory.
I possessed the Shikotsumyaku, and even though I didn't use my kekkei genkai to my advantage, I innately had more chakra, and my body was more dense. Every win I earned was excused as an outlier, unfair matchup, and because of that, it started as a couple that stopped taking our matches seriously anymore, but that quickly multiplied and became the majority.
They weren't even scolded for giving up, not against me. They always had some excuse to justify it.
In the end, there was only one who continued to bring his all despite never scoring a win off me. I respected this cousin from the bottom of my heart and thanked the heavens that his mental fortitude was so strong.
It was Neji who was one year my senior, and nephew to lord Hiashi.
I had my fathers Kekkei Genkai, for bad or for good, but I'd only use it against an enemy I intended harm towards, so I didn't cultivate my talent of using it as much as I probably should. Instead I've been training my physique with knowledge and intent for more than a year, focusing on my foundation.
These kids were trying hard to live up to the standards they were assigned, but I was aiming to different standards not of men and women, but of heaven.
I had more practice, intention, and experience than any of them. It clearly wasn't fair as I simulated many routes of victory in the moment, and I chose to execute on and deliver the least harmful option to my opponents while still asserting my dominance.
Despite exchanging pointers with seasoned shinobi instructors who'd already graduated from the academy could put me in my place, but for ranked matches within my bracket, I was undefeated, and I was hunting down people in higher brackets that I thought I was relative or stronger than.
The spirits of my peers were lost inside our matches, and I watched them forfeit looking to win long before I grabbed the dub.
"Why did you quit? Don't surrender." I criticized them.
"Nobody cares if we lose to you because you're a freak," A young girl told me.
Hiashi attended our class once. I watched his eyes appraise the other children's martial talents and felt compelled to stand out amongst my peers.
I challenged an academy second year boy who was 10 years old, compared to my 5 year old body.
He was weary, but thought his stature gave him the edge. In the end, he underestimated me. I seized success again, triumphing against the prodigy who had his perfect record ended by me.
My experience isn't reflected by the age of this body. After considerations, it's common sense none of these children stood a chance. I could probably still put up a fight against Genin fighting for their life right now.
I've been drilled with countless duels where I would have died a thousand times or more in my bouts with Hammarabi if it wasn't for Eden's special properties where no injuries were permanent.
Inside our clan, my rankings have been climbing up and up, and along the way, I lost focus in my personal development and instead let the competition go to my head.
I'm reveling in my victories too much… the allure was sweet because they could be used to ignore all the failure I was experiencing everywhere else in my life. It felt good to be recognized for my talents, but I also had to be realistic. I was only schooling children in their errors in combat, and the one thing I was getting better at was recognizing the windows to exploit them.
If I tried my hardest, everyone around me saw the fruit of my effort and they stopped giving their all, everyone except Neji.
Why can't we all just try our hardest?
I yearned for support I could have faith in, my family was a pillar for them, not me. Besides my faith in my Lord, everything else crumbled around me as unreliable.
Where is a rival that can help sharpen me while we move forward together? Neji still had a ways to go before I could consider him a rival, but he was showing a lot of promise.
In truth, the vast difference between a Genin and Jonin must have been far more vast than a child and a Genin. I knew full well there is no true substitute for experience.
This is the time when my martial arts was getting ALOT of attention, and I did probably let it go out of hand. My mother also gave me her attention for the second time. She would come to me again and again, pleading with me:"Whatever you do, please don't harm our family."
I could tell that even with her warped personality, she deeply cared about her family… but I wasn't seen as a part of that real family and instead was viewed as the demon.
That cut pretty deep and was messing with my head.
I couldn't bear to watch or listen to her in that state. Even if I acknowledged I could exploit it for her attention, I could not. It would ruin my streak of achievements I've given back to the Lord, and paint me as a false witness.
I learned to keep any martial achievements I'd accomplished to myself, and best out of the clan's watchful eye. Everyone was taking note of me and the praise I gave my Lord after each of my victories.
Mom started drinking a lot more. She had the keys to the distillery with large warehouses of liquor and wines and suspected she'd been slipping some overstock out for personal use. I saw a girl who looked everywhere for an escape from responsibility, but it always came back knocking whether she wanted to answer or not.
"Mom you're drinking too much lately."
She slumped over our kitchen table, resting her head on her folded arms. Half a remaining wine bottle sat on the center of the table next to a case with a white rose.
"It's none of your business." She spoke much more coherent than I expected. "Why did you leave the Martial Hall so early today?"
She never has to answer any of my questions, but I'm always expected to answer hers. The hypocrisy ate away at me, but I let that be.
She looked like a puppet with her strings cut, no longer supported by anything other than the table.
"I've been worrying about you."
"Worrying? — You have no need. You'll be able to protect yourself soon enough." She reached and picked up the bottle, pouring some in her mouth. "Hick—up… You'll be… a terrifying shinobi one day soon."
The bottle hit the table again, the glass clinking off the wood surface.
"Is that what this is all about? Then I'll stop picking more fights Mom. I know it's been hurting you, but I didn't think you were this worried about me. I'll only participate in mandatory spars from now on." I said, sensing the road of self-destruction she was journeying down.
"…Really?" She asked, still staring across the room twords the kitchen refusing to make eye contact. "The rest of the clan praises your prowess. I hear from everyone that fighting is your strongest natural talent. You wouldn't willingly give that up. I don't believe you."
Mom sounded certain, and for once I felt like maybe I had an opportunity to break some of her misconceptions of me.
"Really. I mean it. I want to respect your wishes. I stopped making new diaries because I knew you were worried about them too." I winked at her, which sparked shared eye contact for more than 5 seconds, and I didn't see any of the hatred that was seared in my memories from before. "I'll do whatever it takes to help you do better."
"I'm sorry Mizuki… I will never be a proper mother to you, and I see I have been unfair… Quite unfair. You are the child… but you are the one teaching me, who's supposed to already have everything figured out and together already… I guess I still have a lot of growing up to do. You deserve better than how I've treated you, and I promise… to work on that." She told me.
An eruption of emotions bombarded me, calling me to hug the woman. I started to come in for the hug, but remembered all the times I was brushed off before, and stopped myself in time before she noticed.
"I'm so thankful to be given this chance! I won't let your goodwill go to waste Mom." I said.
"—I've seen you following me around the garden… do you want to take up a new interest?"
My heart slammed in my chest. I never thought I'd actually be given such a wonderful invitation.
"Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!" I exclaimed. "Plants are the coolest. One day I want to be a splendid gardener like you."
I might have over embellished how pure my love of the idea of being a gardener was to me, and instead was thinking about how important a common interest we both share might help in developing a better relationship, and I think that was way more important than going off on another ego trip to obsess over what I want. I never found happiness in that, only momentary contentment.
A single tear slipped out the corner of her eye, and ran down her cheek, but besides that she held her composure.
"I see… You'd rather grow life than take it… just like our clan teaches…" she murmured.
Mom worked in the Hyuga's agricultural department both as a private garden owner and a consultant for the auction houses' gardens which also cultivated medical herbs, mushrooms, edible crops, alcohol, tobacco, poppy, coca, hemp and cannabis
The hyuga had an obsession over altered states of consciousness as a form of pushing past limits and achieving a new enlightenment, but we also grow the poppy and coca plants because painkillers like opium and stimulants like cocaine even have their time and place medically.
She specialized in germination of seeds, handling of sprouts, feeding and water rationing, and anticipating weather. She was super into meteorology because it aligned with her favorite thing in the world, nurturing plants.
I would watch mom as much as I could now that I had her permission and she even answered my questions instead of shooting me down at every opportunity like she used to.
I learned you could take cuttings and clone plants with only adding some rooting hormone to the snipped area.
I felt the beginning of a connection forming between us, and I was thrilled and so very thankful that an opportunity showed itself.
I watched her take wood ash and boil it. The process made it into Lye. This liquid was a dangerous compound with an estimated PH of 13 or 14. She could massively swing the PH levels higher of water after added feed and compost messed with the ideal ratios. We would correct them to find equilibrium for nutrient uptake in the root system.
The Hyuga and my mother have large greenhouses to alter the conditions of things like carbon dioxide numbers, humidity, temperature, and even light conditions in extreme cases.
I didn't have the money to rent a greenhouse. Well, technically I have plenty of money, but no access to it… needed to be 13 and undergo my coming of age bat mitzvah before I could use any of it.
I refused to ask Mom for money, already showing me the kindness of her recent effort in trying, and I didn't want to scare her away and make her think i'm becoming codependent on her.
I needed to find a different target that could invest in me and my idea.
Why did my clan hold jewish traditions like Bar mitzvahs and bar mitzvahs, passover, rosh hashanah but not even believe in a creator, and instead revere 'the Mother of all Shinobi?'
The weird thing was she was called Lilith in the Hyuga family's library text, comparing her to the first woman born from the land with Adam in the garden of Eden, and first to be kicked out of the garden before Eve was created.
Despite having such multiple intentional cherry-picked references from the Tanakh too perfect for coincidence, there was no reference of God or a higher power in any text I found, as if scrubbed out of the clearly jewish influence. Someone had come before, and to erase all evidence. Very bold Hyuga.
All reverence was delivered in thanks to Lilith, the 'Mother of Shinobi'. If there was a religion our family believed in, it was to love the inheritance of our strong genetics above all.
"Was Lilith ever called Kaguya?" I asked a question to an Elder also known for collecting historical text.
"Tch— Piss off Kiri sympathizer." The elder brushed me off after I asked one thing. "You don't appreciate our history!"
"I was just asking a question! You didn't need to get so grumpy," I said.
"You must learn respect before you can hand it out." The grump said.
"But I— you're right... I'm sorry." I conceded a momentary defeat.
The elder man smashed the foot of his cane into the ground like a loon several times. thump
"Observe…" thump "—then analyze" thump "—and finally innovate." He said smashing his cane into the ground in emphasis. thump.
"—Unlike the Uchiha who were given the eye of imitation, the Hyuga has received the eye of insight. That is the strength of our clan. Where the Uchiha get to have a more instantaneous success after unlocking their dojutsu, we gain a much larger advantage after self-mastery, but not before." He finished.
"Why are we even comparing clans? Why does that matter?" I asked the Elder.
"You haven't learned that yet? I see. You need to understand the trade-offs for the wonderful blessing of being born a Hyuga. Why do you think our clan forced you to receive your caged bird seal?"
"To keep us loyal and in line." I said.
"That's a side-effect. Let's go back to the Sharingan… they have a built in defense mechanism. When a non-Uchiha takes their eyes, the cost to use their dojutsu is so high that for the most part, it does more harm than good. But the Byakugan are far more compatible with average shinobi. The cage seal is to prevent the clan's one trump card from being stolen and used against us."
"Wouldn't the Byakugan waste a lot of chakra too if a Non-hyuga transplanted one?"
"No. They can still be turned on and off at will, unlike the sharingan."
"…Do you like money?" I didn't know where else to take the conversation, so I switched the topic.
"Do I like money? Does anyone besides the poor truly despise money? Once you understand money, there is no excuse to despise it. Education will set you free."
"Um… I was wondering if you would sponsor a greenhouse rental so—" but as soon as I finished the word rental, the crippled man rushed away with such haste and energy I questioned if his earlier walk was acting all along.
"'I'll pay it back 5 fold." The elder stopped mid step, and whipped his head back my way. "How soon?"
"We'll draw up a contract, and you can half of anything I grow in it, plus when I turn 13–" I was cut off mid sentence.
"Haa!" The elder snorted. "You're what… 5? You think I can't more than 10 fold an investment in 8 years?"
"According to my numbers, it's more than a 10 fold repayment after factoring in the fruits, vegetables, and cash crops I'd be growing. My numbers were at least 13 times the initial investment. Don't you think that's fair?"
"Maybe that would be fair… for family… what are you?"
"I'm Hyuga." I assured him.
"You're half-blooded AT BEST. For you… I would be satisfied with 100 fold repayment."
"Mathematically that pisses me off. Why not charge double if I'm only half-hyuga to you?"
"You must think you're special shit with access to a kekkei genkai like Shikotsumyaku. You ended my son Hikaru's undefeated streak, and made him question whose genetics are superior, even though he is pureblooded Hyuga. You're an eyesore to the clan and you'd become an embarrassment if you ever step into the public view."
"…" All I could do was grit my teeth.
"I hope your Byakugan never awakens. You don't deserve it, and that would serve you right for all the harm you've done." The elder scolded me.
I stood in shock, not expecting to hear such mean spirited things.
"Your character is underdeveloped and ugly." I snapped under his provocation.
"I'm in charge of both of the fine banking institutions in our village, and if you ever talk back to me with disrespect again, I will see to it that you won't be allowed to use any of our services for your foreseeable future." He announced then scurried off leaving me in an odd bizarre daze.
I need to be more careful… my ego again… my pride… I won't ever truly escape it… Will I Lord? It'll be an eternal battle to maintain control and keep a grip. I've only made it this far thanks to your message, and I'll do everything I can to pass that on.
So I was stuck with an outdoor grow in the corner of an unused patch. I worked the land, pulling weeds, and tilling the soil in advance with a plan in mind.
Watermelon is my favorite fruit in the whole wide world, but I welcome anyone to show me something more delicious. However, until that day comes, I will raise my own patch of watermelon and branch out more later after I get more knowledge about ideal agricultural practices.
I shadowed Mom for some time, helping where she let me in her garden. I got to see her smile more and more as she shared her love with me through the medium of farming.
She loved farming. If I loved it too and we both got to geek over it together, the love would be shared.
"Why would you mix perlite with soil medium?" She quizzed me.
"So the water can drain faster!" I exclaimed.
"—and why would you want the water to drain faster?"
"Adding more watering or feeding windows and preventing some pests and mold."
"-Very good! … What did I ever do to… to be given such a smart and kind little cookie?"
"Aww." I soaked up her praise as if I was malnourished, grinning from ear to ear now. "It's because I wanted to be a good girl for you, and for God that saved my soul from being lost, and let me show you a fraction of the kindness he's shown me."
Mother reached inside her robe and withdrew a flask. She was hardly this blatant lately and I found the action odd.
"Mizuki Hiroka Hyuga!" She called out like I was in trouble, and then took a swig from the flask and quickly stashed it back in her robe.
I froze in place. She NEVER used my full name like that.
"Yes mamn?" I questioned.
"You are going to have problems if you keep saying things like that." Hiroka warned me.
"But mom, if it weren't for God, I couldn't even be here and I'd be a much more bitter person." I witnessed to her.
She came before me, and knelt on her knees to help level our gaze that connected.
"I think… I think if that's what you want to believe, you should keep that going. But you don't need to tell anyone else about it. It can be a special relationship between you and God."
Her eyes' told me she was not convinced that God existed, but that she feared for my safety.
"…"
My heart pulsed in rapid overdrive. I didn't fear death… or ridicule… but I found a new fear that wormed its way into my heart.
Thump thump.
I didn't want to form sour words of opposition against my mom and risk the blossoming relationship I labored so hard to make an opportunity for.
Thump thump.
Don't stay silent! SAY SOMETHING!
Thump thump.
…
"… Good. I can't believe I thought…" she said as if allowed to breathe again and peered back to me. "I'm so proud of you Cookie." Mom patted my head.
… why didn't I say something? Lord, please forgive me.
After the next spring came along, I felt it was time to give it a shot on my own and see what happened.
I imitated the routine and mannerisms of my mother as I had no better example.
I germinated some seeds inside in a damp rag in a closet away from the sun for 48 hours, then transplanted the tap root downwards into the holes I dug for my new patch.
I didn't have my Byakugan, and was super lost about the weather, something that felt beyond my understanding… I hoped and prayed that I was right to start them outside today.
Weeks passed, and despite my relative newbie status, my babies were flourishing! They were so green and vibrant. The leaves were perky with life stretching to the warm sun that sustained them.
I took awe in the beautiful simplicity of the cycle of life.
60 more days passed, and despite only once I forgot to check on them, but they still turned out well! The beautiful ladies produced lovely abundant fruit.
I shared one of my first picks of the season with my mom when I came home, and she EVEN HUGGED ME! Her warmth spread through my body and I was tempted to not let go and end this special moment, but I knew it was time.
We pulled apart.
I knew I was going in the right direction and I could maybe get her to like me if I was authentic and vigilant.
The next day, i found the watermelon broken up and fed to our worms in the compost bins… my heart felt shattered.
Maybe all the progress I thought I was making was my brain tricking me?
But my mother snuck up on me, and tickled me from behind. Something she had never done before, a new memory to treasure.
And she handed me a container. I unlatched it, and inside were countless prepped watermelon seeds. More ammunition to experiment with, and likely from the crop I gave her.
She was doing more and more nice things for me as time went on. Things nobody asked her to do, not even me. Her moods were less and less depressive over time, and I was happy she finally seemed to be enjoying her life again.
Even if it was momentary, that warmth felt amazing. I craved to feel it again. I would earn my mothers love and respect.
A year passed. I expanded my crop, but still easy going forgivable plants like potatoes. I wanted to try broccoli and spinach too, but I felt like I was getting ahead of myself, and thus needed to focus and really be cognizant of the details.
Hemp could be woven or spun into fabric and textiles to be made into consumer goods like clothes, blankets, rope, parchment paper, glue board, ect…
Hemp is more advertised to commoners, and normal silk for the middle-elite, but spider-silk fabric was what was worn by the elite of elites referred to as nobility or Shinobi of Renown. Figures that were legendary even if their background was not also often wore it for both its durability and its ability to conduct chakra very efficiently.
We had a bunch of normal silkworms, and yielded an abundance from them, but to be honest, the aburame regular silk was better than ours and the pricing the consumers were willing to pay reflected that sentiment too. Their silk was bought at a higher premium at auction nearly every time, but there was still a demand for silk all the same, so the Hyuga made extra profit filling a hole in the market.
That being said, we didn't have our own spider-silk operation, but we did have wonderful relations with the Aburame clan who bred special spiders to produce the hyper luxurious and coveted spider-silk that always stirred up emotions in the Auction House. The supply was always very limited, so the other nobles peacocked their wealth by either buying things they couldn't afford with credit, or insisting on buying more than they will use simply so others can't have access to it, which sets them apart further.
Peacocking is an excellent term for it, because it could only impress those with bird brains.
They meant to measure the greatness of their clan by their wealth… This is the trap of the Hyuga that spread like wildfire, the love of money. So many were stuck in this unending hunger to acquire more wealth, The cycle of greed.
The Hyuga is obsessed with appearances. and the family earns a percentage of every transaction as a service tax through the auction house.
All my cousins have been reminded from the moment they turn 13 everything changes… but nothing really changes, you're still a slave to the family, and likely a slave to money and a need to have their affluence recognized.
It is exceedingly unlikely that everyone who banked with them would ask to withdraw all their money in tandem, so investing upwards of half active deposits was a strategy to stay ahead of the curve of inflation and pass that onto the poor, and I hear we get greedier for profits every year, skinning the market and causing a massive divide in the has-not's, who were stuck at the bottom of the wealth distribution that got wider by the day.
If you thought about it, the reason we can't access our funds no matter what until we're 13 is to ensure even Hyuga members are forced not to withdraw all the money at once. There are many layers of protection for their multi-level-marketing scam that sacrificed our people too.
How do I show the world what I see?
Our clan was self-sustaining from a food and consumer goods perspective, our ability to set our own standards for trade at the Auction House have us an insurmountable competitive advantage, especially since we grew wealthier by the day while 99% of the village grew more impoverished.
If someone couldn't break our monopoly on trade through our auction house, things would continue going until the village reached a breaking point.
Every clan member in the Hyuga is entitled to an endowment of the Auction House's net income every seasonal split, four times a year, allowing the financially responsible to build immense wealth.
If the working class realized how badly my family was taking advantage of everyone, I feared a revolt would be imminent. A tale as old as time with those who are given authority abuse it for their personal gain.
For this reason, the Hyuga's are also tasked with the responsibility of running the treasury for the Konoha Secret Service, which entangled our personal interest of amassing more wealth with the duty of maintaining control of establishing fair financial social norms.
The Hyuga's banks inside the village hidden in the leaves safeguards both personal and government assets, deal in exchange of different currencies, and earn hedge investment portfolio income with the bank customer's deposits and by covering loans using the same customer deposits as collateral.
If you know the trade, this is called fractional reserve banking, and unfortunately it's pretty common. Simplified it means extending total credit allowed past liquid assets (or readily available resources) it is impossible to ensure everyone their use of their money at the same time with this system because there is more credited value than there is circulation of currency.
Without anything to tie the value of said currency in place, like a gold standard that can anchor a currencies value to one or several important resources, inflation of the currencies value can rise indefinitely due to man-made recency biases. Once you understand, it's simple child's play to fix or break the system.
My people were constructing a grand transfer of wealth from every Non-Hyuga to them, and we doubtlessly still crave for more.
It makes me think of a friendship I used to have. We'd argue over whether it was better to work, and save in abundance, but not have the free-time to enjoy that money… rather than someone who has the worry over how they will afford to continue living, who is free to go anywhere or be anything.
He wanted security… and I valued freedom… I can't say as of yet if who was right in the end, but I do know that people in general are afraid of change, and owning making their decisions. I understand how scary it can be… we had different priorities, but ultimately I knew which I valued, but just because I wouldn't fall victim now, doesn't mean I can't have compassion for those who would trade their freedom for security. We all have strengths and weaknesses, and I think keeping that in mind has really helped me come to a better understanding about the people around me.
I prayed and asked for my Lord to give me understanding for why we must go through this, and my heart ached for the real children who were traumatized by the brutal methods our family and world championed. They were not ready and had no defenses to protect them from their cold reality.
Witness to the fellow children, planting seeds of faith, and bringing them closer to knowing the truth.
There was nothing to argue. I heard what his plan was for me, and although I'd become more calioused to sharing with them, what else could be done? Was I going to keep my mouth shut forever and stop revering my Lord in public and only in private?
No!
I sat down with my mom, and we had a talk. Where before I was weak, this time I explained the situation without fear.
She… frowned… but then it shifted into a beautiful smile.
"Do what you think is right, Cookie."
"I love you." I told her without hesitation.
"Eem… uuhhh… I see. You are so sweet… my baby."
I gushed, receiving the best of both worlds against all odds. My mother still accepted me.
Things are turning around God. Thank you so much for working in my life and allowing me to feel your love. There is no gift as precious and I will share it as promised, starting now!
I witnessed to the children once again, more persistent this time, and encouraged them to ask questions.
I spoke of the strength and power of God.
"How come God won't save us then?" They asked.
"I don't know exactly why we have to suffer, but I do know that he loves us and has a plan for each and every one of us." I replied.
"You made God up, didn't you?"
"What? No. He is real, and he has the power to fix everything." I said.
"He loves everyone? What about all the bad people?"
I thought back to Brother Judah. "He loves them too."
"But then what's the point of being good?"
"You should be good because you appreciate everything the Lord's done for us and want to pay that forward and follow his teachings." I said.
"Well then I guess I'll never be good. No reason to bother."
"That's not what I said at all." I chased after my cousin. "Hold on, let me explain."
But another child intercepted me, blocking my advance "—If he could fix everything, wouldn't it be done by now?"
They usually asked more and more questions hoping to see me give in and surrender, but I answered back with what was written in my heart each time. Some could not stand to listen to what I told them, while others found it to be great comedy, always ready for another laugh.
"You just have… to be faithful…" I said with conviction to my family members who closed their ears and mind to the idea that a merciful creator could allow this to happen. I saw my former self in each one as they denied the Lord.
"Mizuki is a LIAR."
"I'm telling the truth!" I said, standing on my conviction.
"Hahahaha! —Mizuki the LIAR." A child taunted.
"Snake-Sensei! Teach us more!" The boy watching on the sidelines burst into mocking laughter.
"—Mizuki the snake!" A new voice spoke up.
"—Nobody likes you—"
"—LIAR! LIAR! Pants on fire!"
"—She lies because she's a weirdo with no friends." Everyone was ganging up against me, unified in their defiance.
I became a laughingstock. For weeks I was the butt of every joke. I couldn't be allowed to exist without toxic groupthink being leveraged against me.
It was so cold for people to discard you who are supposed to love their family.
Make it make sense!
I kept sharing but halfhearted. It felt like throwing myself against a brick wall that wouldn't give even if it were the millionth time, and I was going to be a pile of dust before they were ready to consider to entertain the thought that there is an almighty Lord who has a message for everyone.
I began being a target for bullies, but that was shut down quickly, because despite recruitment and deployment enjoying a numbers advantage, and oftentimes the physical maturity advantage of age, it wasn't enough to overcome my knowledge of self-defense.
I think my staggering resistance to their strategy blindsided them, and they became very unhappy sitting on the loser's side of the fence even after discarding their honor and principals trying to beat up one girl in multicombat.
They finally got the message, because they gave up on trying to confront me after class, and despite them flashing occasional glares my way, classes were becoming fun again too!
A few days passed, and after today's class, I skipped all the way to my patch for their feeding session.
The fruit were smashed and cracked into little pieces splattered through the field like they were the fodder sacrificed to propel the war-machine of malevolence.
The stems were beaten and bruised. They were torn, strung, and dissected so viciously. They were attacked and not eaten.
And all because I was their mother.
My babies were murdered, and not by nature like a deer that foliced in and muched a couple tops…This was a brutal personalized attack, and my suspicions jumped to at least one of my classmates, if not many.
I collected the seeds to start again in the future, but my heart ached knowing that someone wanted to hurt me so personally.
—for what?! What did I even do? Share my Faith?! They should be happy! … why can't they just be happy? …. Or at least leave me be.
I went to class the next day, and several kids pointed me out and sent sneers my way and laughed.
"She looks like she's gonna cry. Want to cry, little baby?"
How dare him! He was the one I spared from breaking their wrist! It wasn't even last week!
I started to see red.
I wanted to hurt them so bad, and I grabbed their wrist.
Everything inside my body told me to squeeze and show them what it felt like to have inflict pain on them.
He did rip up my special artwork of my recreation of when the Singularity saved me.
"Art is subjective. Subjectively yours sucks! Are you going to cry?" Hikaru laughed and covered his mouth really finding happiness in my torment.
My observance of my faith was too much for them to distill mentally, and he lashed out against me.
"No. I'm sorry I challenged you. I was lower rated and forced you to accept without ever mentioning to you. I want to help… and share the truth!" I said.
"You're a psycho wackjob that credits your kekkei genkai's strength to some all knowing watcher? If he could watch this and not have pity, fuck them." Hikaru's fiancé to be that shadowed him unloaded on me from nowhere.
I'd never even heard her talk before this, but she was all bent out of shape because I was me… how don't they see how messed up that is.
"Hey! —Don't be so mean… Or else her imaginary friend might stick up for her!" An older girl giggled out and wrapped a arm around Hikaru and his would be wife.
How many times must I turn the other cheek before they grow bored?
"Ssssssss—snake!" A boy my age hissed at me.
"—Sssssssss," His innocent little sister followed his example.
I buried my face in my hands and cast a prayer unto the heavens.
Father, please forgive them, for they don't understand what they are doing.
Even the adults rebuked me.
"Are you starving for attention girl? Is that what this is?" My Sensei asked.
"Huh?" I said before I was forcefully picked up and set down on the desk by my tutor while barraged with momentary confusion.
"The other children told me about you making up stories. Mizu-kun, can't you see no one is going to trust you if you don't speak the truth?" Sensei asked.
"But Sensei, I only told the truth, and wouldn't tell any lies. I promise," I said.
"Mizu-kun…" He sighed, clapping his hands onto his lap of frustration. "I get where you're coming from… I really do… You want to give people hope. You want to believe in some fictional man in the clouds that will come save you, and honey, at your age I would have too, but you have to be able to tell the difference between what is real, and what is imaginary… Trust is built on telling the truth even when it's hard. Starting tomorrow you won't be with the other kids anymore."
"But—" I was cut off.
"—No but's young lady. You can earn your privilege back AFTER learning your lesson. This is for your own good, after all." They finished.
My reputation was dragged through the mud and tainted by children and adults alike.
And just like that, I was exiled from my peers, back to a familiar ostracism, but under the worst conditions yet.
Lord, I will be Faithful no matter how hard it becomes. Wherever you guide me, I will follow and glorify you.
Do not be afraid. Continue standing firm and you will see my great deliverance.
—- Author's Notes —-
Had to fight with FFN to login and post, but glad to finally get this posted. Let me know what you all think.
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