Authoress' Notes: This was supposed to be one long one-shot but I'm breaking it up into small chapters because I realized that:

1) all of the time gaps and flashbacks are jarring

2) the jumps between scenes set an unnatural pacing that's beyond repair

3) the one-shot was intended to be purely romcom, but I ended up getting a few actual feels in there

So here we go! I'll probably update several at a time.

Megumi knew better than to take anything his teacher said at face value. How Nobara and Yuji could continuously put blind faith in the man was beyond him. When Satoru all but kicked his door in earlier that morning, claiming that he was treating them to a shopping trip, Megumi preemptively slipped a travel-sized tube of Tylenol into his pocket.

With Yuji and Nobara playing into Satoru's gleeful, childish antics, the commute to Shibuya was as lively and embarrassing as expected. When the party ended up loitering around a playground, enjoying soft-served ice cream instead of heading for the abundant, bustling shopping districts and strip malls, Megumi's suspicions skyrocketed.

Megumi settled on a bench in the shade as Satoru laughed childishly. Yuji and Nobara truly were fools. The pair was easily talked into sitting on the playground's merry-go-round ride. Satoru gripped the bars then flung his arms wildly, his ridiculous strength spinning the ride at a speed that blurred the colors that made Yuji and Nobara. Meanwhile, Megumi eyed his teacher with a skeptical scowl. Satoru's sweet treats and childish games successfully placated his classmates but he would not be fool—.

Megumi blinked and faltered when Satoru suddenly went from being several meters away to within arm's length. "Megumi, you should join us!" the man suggested and wagged his finger in the air. "All work and no play makes you a dull boy~!"

"I'll pass..." Megumi grumbled obstinately, averting his sulky glare.

Satoru cupped his hands near his cheek, his fingers interlocking as he squirmed shyly, "Awww, pwease. Can Megumi-chan come out to pway~?"

"I'll punch you," Megumi warned, an irate vein appearing on his forehead. Meanwhile, the merry-go-around finally slowed enough for pale and soulless Nobara and Yuji to dismount the ride. Their arms and legs were wobbly before Yuji collapsed and Nobara donated the contents of her stomach to the mulch ground. "A shopping trip, seriously?" Megumi questioned, "What's the real reason you dragged us out here?"

It better had to do with Jujutsu training or a mission or else—.

"Oh," Satoru returned to his default posture and cadence, "I need you kids to help me with my girlfriend."

From several meters away, those words caught resurrected Yuji and Nobara. Their expressions sharpened as they revived. "Girlfriend?!" They echoed before Naruto-running to join their classmate and teacher.

"Satoru-sensei, I didn't know you had a girlfriend~!" Yuji chirped, his hands balled up and eyes shining. "But you're a cool guy so I should have known!"

Nobara fed into Yuji's enthusiasm as usual, "What's she like?! How long have you been together?!"

Megumi was the only one to ask the real question. "Why would you need our help with your girlfriend?" His brow rose skeptically.

"Ahahaha!" Satoru exaggerated a hearty guffaw, holding his stomach dramatically. "Of course, you kids wouldn't understand but a woman's heart is a fickle thing."

...

Megumi twitched, "Erk."

"Hah...?" Nobara's enthusiasm fell into sharp incredulity and suspicion.

"...Huh?" Yuji smiled, innocent and without a functional brain cell.

"You see, children..." Satoru placed a hand over his heart and made a theatrical head tilt of despair, "My girl is a rampant tsundere. She can't admit that she wants me!" The background faded to darkness as a spotlight appeared around the drama king. He shed a single tear and whispered, "Isn't that tragic? I'm just so perfect that it scares her." He didn't notice the way the teens turned their backs and faced each other for deliberation.

"A real-life tsundere?" Yuji blinked as he considered the possibility. "Really? Like Taiga Aisaka?"

"Eh," Nobara's expression darkened, a hand on her hip and she muttered, "It sounds like she hates him."

"Can you really blame her...?" Megumi's inquiry was answered with Nobara's negative heading shake.

"I'm hurt!" Satoru declared in a high-pitched voice. "I've done nothing but express my affection—the way a man talks to a woman!"

"If that was true then you wouldn't need us," Nobara quipped bluntly. She lifted a hand to her lips and gave her teacher a swift assessment. This was a rare occasion that he sported a well-fitted button-up but dressed it down with black jeans and casual shoes. He allowed his hair down and eyes to be shielded by opaque, circular spectacles.

Style: On Fleek.

Hygiene: On Fleek.

Attractiveness: On Fleek, undoubtedly loved by uninformed women.

"Yeah," Nobara murmured audibly with squinted eyes. "To steer clear of Gojo-sensei...that woman definitely has a good head on her shoulders."

Megumi sighed, his shoulders slumping. This confirmed that his teacher was wasting precious learning and training on a whim—again. The sounds of his comrade's voices became muddled under the sound of his own thoughts. He closed his eyes for a moment. Still, Satoru did manage to surprise him. The last thing that he expected was to find out what Satoru wanted help pursuing a wom—.

Another thought struck.

"This is an adult relationship between a man and woman," Megumi suddenly stated, cutting through the antics. "If you need help, shouldn't you consult another adult? Like Nanami-san?"

"Glad you're finally getting into the spirit, Megumi~" Satoru grinned, ignoring the teen's grumble of 'I'm not' as the man suddenly raised his arm, showing off his open palm. "First! I can't bring Nanami, he'll bore her to tears!" He declared while folding his thumb.

"More like, she'll realize that he's the better catch~" Nobara whispered cattily behind her hand.

"Second!" Satoru was unphased by Megumi telling him that he already lost interest. "My girl loves children so we can bond over how wonderful you three are~!" He lowered his pinky so only three fingers remained standing.

"Eh?" Yuji blinked and looked at his friends for confirmation, "Doesn't that only work with babies and grade-schoolers?"

"Thiiiiiiirrd~" He sang out, "She also loves animals so Megumi, your shikigami will be especially important to this operation!" He folded his pointer finger.

Megumi's brow twitched at the prospect of Satoru blatantly admitting to using him and his shikigami to harass a poor woman. What did it even matter if she couldn't see them?!

"He hasn't been listening to a thing we've been saying, has he?" Nobara deadpanned.

"See how it feels?" Megumi grunted as he crossed his arms.

"I don't know, guys~" Yuji grinned. "I think sensei is super cool when he's this dedicated!"

Meanwhile, Satoru was in his own world, continuing his explanation, "Fourth, after I take on my usual mature role model position in front of her, she'll be too impressed to be tsun~!"

"Most importantly," By the time only his pointer finger remained up, Satoru was grinning from ear to ear, "Once she meets Yuji-kun and sees that he needs her help, she'll agree to use her powers for our side~!"

The three teens froze.

"YOU SHOULD HAVE LEAD WITH THAT!" Megumi and Nobara shouted in unison.