73: Always
Rikku leaned back against her pack, watching the sky lighten through the cleft above. The passage Braska had blasted open was beginning to show signs of frosting over. After a day and a night spent relaxing by the hot springs, she knew their break was coming to an inevitable end.
The light crept in like a thief, slowly unveiling the rough texture of the high rocky walls. Faint echoes of the Fayth Scar could be seen near the ceiling, the power of Yu Yevon's summoning warping the stone even this far into the mountainside.
She lifted her hand above her face and parted her fingers, breaking the soft stream of sunlight into flickering shadows. She focused on the darkness of the back of her hand. Still as solid as ever.
Her head turned slightly to look over the boys through the gap of her fingers, still poised before her face. Jecht was sleeping on his side; he was curled around his pack like it was a stuffed animal. Or his son, Rikku amended. With his features slack and unguarded, he looked vulnerable and lonely. He'd always been honest about missing his family, but had never forced his troubles upon anyone else, choosing to keep them as private as her own memories. She brought her fingers together, blocking him from her sight.
I'm sorry.
Her gaze shifted to Braska, also still sleeping peacefully. She made a circle with her thumb and forefinger, framing his face. He'd removed his headdress, and his short brown hair was strewn around him like a cloud. His breathing was deep and even; it was the most relaxed she'd seen him in a while, in fact. It was as if meeting Yunalesca and ending the Pilgrimage had relieved him of the great burden he'd always carried inside. She was certain that relief was at least in part due to being able to tell Auron the truth, after so many years. Seeing Yuna as a grown woman, though, had also seemed to settle him; as if he'd finally realized, only now, that he still had someone to live for.
She twisted around, looking for Auron. Always an early riser, he was sitting with his back against a rock, watching her. Opening her palm, she held him in her hand. Can I keep him? Really?
He reached over his shoulder, grasping the tassel with the phoenix down she'd tied to his coat so long ago. Raising it to his lips, he kissed it. Then his eyes opened slowly and met hers.
I will always love you, the way you have always loved me.
How much of that intense devotion would survive into the future? Her memories of Auron from her youth had been revisited so many times in her mind, over and over again, that they'd lost their sharp edges and turned cloudy, like sea glass. Had he ever looked at her like that during Yuna's Pilgrimage? Like she was his sunrise? She'd always thought it was with barely contained irritation. She wondered now how much he'd learned about hiding his feelings from Braska. Her fingers closed around him, trapping him in her fist.
Finally, she dropped her hand and allowed the first rays of light to spill over her face, wondering if that Auron was even real anymore. To an unknown future, she thought, rolling to her feet.
.x.x.x.
When they reached the base of Mount Gagazet, Braska didn't detour them around the Ronso village as he had when they'd stumbled across Kimahri losing his horn. Of course Kimahri was nowhere to be seen this time, but fortunately neither were Biran and Yenke. Instead, they were greeted by the rest of the sparse Ronso population that lived there, led by a very familiar figure.
"Gagazet greets Summoner Braska and his Guardians."
"Kelda? I thought the Fangs were still in Luca!"
"'ey!" Jecht called out to the Ronso blitzer, waving smugly. "How d'ya like the taste o' victory, huh? You're welcome!"
Kelda, now dressed in traditional Ronso garb rather than her swimming gear, crossed her arms, her tail twitching in irritation. "Malik stay in Luca. Kelda return home. Guard mountain from trespass by infidels." She bared her teeth in a snarl, staring fiercely at Rikku and Jecht.
Auron's face darkened and he put a hand on the hilt of his sword.
Diplomatically, Braska cleared his throat. "Ah, but surely you must know that we came here on Yevon's most holy mission."
Kelda's tail lashed a few more times, her posture still tense, her eyes now trained on Auron. "Ronso protect Sacred Mountain for many generations." Finally, she bowed her head to Braska, relenting almost unwillingly. "Summoner Braska speak truth. Ronso observe Summoner Sign appearing over summit two days ago."
Rikku frowned. Summoner Sign? She thought about the lightshow the Sanctuary Keeper had provided with its photon wings when they battled it. "Uh, well," she mumbled, swaying thoughtfully. "We did pass by there two days ago."
Kelda bowed even more deeply, and the rest of the gathered Ronso followed her lead. "Then Lord Braska is High Summoner now?"
"Indeed," Braska answered, returning the bow respectfully.
Raising her head, Kelda's gaze shone with a new admiration that was reflected in her changed tone as she addressed them. "Ronso honor High Summoner. Feast tonight! You join with other guest."
"Other guest?" Auron probed, his eyes darting around the Spartan Ronso settlement.
"Yes. Old historian. Teach Ronso youth way of Yevon." Kelda didn't seem particularly impressed with the effort; then again, she'd always been prickly to change. At least Braska's success ascending the mountain had brought with them a measure of respect she hadn't displayed in Luca.
"Don't tell me…" Auron's eyes narrowed, picking out the familiar sight of a pointy hat rising barely above the throng of Ronso youth surrounding it. "It's Maechen," he said, an edge to his voice.
"So he really did make it." Braska followed Auron's gaze. "Let it be, Auron," he coaxed in an unusual bout of charity. "He seems harmless enough."
Kelda's tail twitched again; she seemed to disagree about Maechen's cultural invasion being harmless. Still. Ronso deal with Ronso problems, Rikku reminded herself. It'd taken this long to get on Kelda's good side; she wasn't eager to spoil it by picking a fight over a dead guy.
"We will gladly take you up on that offer," Braska answered Kelda. "Though I'm afraid we cannot stay long. We must reach the Calm Lands soon."
As he began the ritual formalities necessary to ensure their stay was a comfortable one, Rikku broke off and drifted closer to Maechen, curious to see him again. From the way he was droning on in the center of the crowd, Rikku could already tell the old man was well in the Zone.
"There is a legend, you know…" his thin voice quailed over the heads of the very tall children.
Jecht stopped next to her, crossing his arms and watching. "So we're just gonna let that guy be, even though he's… you know."
"I don't think he remembers that he is." Rikku shrugged. "He keeps on going just to spread Spira's true history around for the rest of us. Maybe that's not such a bad thing. It's not like he's repeating the Church's propaganda if it's the truth."
"Huh," Jecht said, sounding unconvinced.
"When the armies of Bevelle attacked Mount Gagazet, they heard a song echoing across the snowy slopes," Maechen droned on. At least the Ronso seemed captivated by his story; being as reticent as they were made them unusually good listeners.
"So… those were your people?" Jecht muttered, unwilling to admit that he was listening just as much as the children were. "Them Bedohls came here first an' started this whole war thing?"
"Yeah," Rikku sighed. "Our proud Al Bhed history, I guess."
"'Tis a song from an Otherworld,' they said," Maechen continued.
Jecht frowned. "An Otherworld…?"
Rikku stopped swaying. "Hey," she said, tugging on his arm. "We've listened to that old man enough for now. We're still Guardians, right? Let's catch up with Auron and Braska."
"Yeah," Jecht said distractedly, still looking at Maechen as she dragged him away. "Yeah, you're probably right." He was uncharacteristically silent for the rest of the evening, though.
The Summoner's Feast was held in the largest cavern in the village; it was nothing like the southern islanders' celebrations that they'd experienced in Kilika. Instead, it consisted of a lot of solemn drum pounding and obscure Ronso yodeling as they were served platters of dripping, barely-cooked meat while kneeling before a flat stone outcropping that doubled as a table. Admittedly, though, it was better than the rations they'd been subsisting on since traveling to Zanarkand. Even Braska dug in with just as much gusto as the Ronso themselves, heedless of the bloodiness of their repast.
They spent another comfortable night in another one of the Ronso cavern-dwellings that had been carved into the mountainside, ensconced in piles of furs that were as equally warm as they were pungent.
"Who said we're gonna need to lure Sin anywhere?" Jecht grumbled, tossing and turning in his makeshift bedsheets. "That thing'll find us by our stench."
"You should relax and accept the Ronso hospitality," Braska chided as he settled down into his own bed. "What we find as exceptionally odorous is how the Ronso people identify and accept members of their own clan. There's a saying amongst the people here that one should only trust what one can smell." He took a deep breath to illustrate his point. "Being invited to stay here like this, to mingle the scent of our own bodies with that of their people, is one of their highest honors we could be granted and exceedingly rare."
"In other words, don't complain in front of them or I'll make you regret it," Auron grumbled from his own pile of fur. "Now go to sleep before I knock you out myself."
"Huh," Jecht said again, this time more thoughtfully as he lowered his nose to the furs and took another sniff. Then he made a face and flopped back with a groan. "I get it, I get it. I'll be good," he mumbled, though he still threw an arm up under his nose.
.x.x.x.
They left early in the morning, seen off by nearly the entire Ronso population. Privately, Rikku was thankful that there was no sign of Maechen; he seemed to have doddled off somewhere during the night and was probably halfway across the Calm Lands by now.
Which… was their next and final destination. She shivered. "Are we sure we don't want to stay here just one more day?" she whispered under her breath as they marched down the mountainside, the watchful gaze the Ronso prickling against her back.
"If we delay, we will lose their respect," Auron murmured back to her. "They show Braska such deference because he embodies the promise of Sin's defeat. If he shows any sign of running or delaying, it will be taken as cowardice and weakness, and all of that hospitality will evaporate."
Rikku gulped. "Wow… you know a lot about the Ronso, don't you!"
"Braska was the first missionary to finally convert the Ronso to the worship of Yevon. Much like the Al Bhed, not all of them were appreciative of his efforts."
Rikku thought of Kelda, nodding slowly.
"But they honor their decision, as long as the Summoners honor their pact. In that regard, nothing has really changed for hundreds of years. The Ronso wish for the Calm just as much as anyone else. Traditionally, their ownership of Mount Gagazet has never been within the purview of Church of Yevon anyway, and there are some among their kind who still see it that way."
"… Aren't we kind of cheating them, then? I mean, we're not actually planning on beating Sin this time, right?"
Auron put his hand against the small of her back and pushed her forward. "All the more reason to leave quickly," he agreed.
All too soon they'd crossed the canyon gorge and stood before the great Steppe, winds rushing down from the mountainside and making the tall grass that extended before them twist and bow in greeting, lit by the mid-morning light.
"We're… finally here," Rikku said, falling to a crouch, her stomach doing flip-flops. Even knowing that Braska wasn't about to summon one of the Final Aeons and cause Sin to appear right then and there, she still felt herself tensing in anticipation and dread. "This is our last stop."
Braska nodded, his face placid. "Our journey together ends here, one way or the other." Then he turned his back to the Calm Lands and faced them. "I want each of you to know—"
"No goodbyes!" Auron cut him off brusquely, his face fierce. "We will not say goodbye here! It's not over yet!"
Braska laughed. "All things come to an end eventually, Auron. Whether we succeed, and bring a temporary Calm to Spira… or fail, and die ignobly trying… it's over, now." His smile was relieved. "It's finally over."
Auron hung his head, trembling.
"Jecht," Braska said, performing his deepest bow to the other man. "You are a man of extraordinary talents. A superstar indeed," he said fondly. "I admit I had thought you a braggart at the start, but traveling with you has shown me the truth. That touch of greatness in your soul—"
Jecht twitched at that, rubbing the back of his neck.
"— comes not from your status or your capabilities as a Blitzball player, nor the growth you've shown as a Guardian. You are special because your heart is pure. Somehow, unlike the rest of the world around you, you retain your child-like innocence, seeing things as they are, and unafraid to question and challenge others when they are not as they should be."
"C'mon, B, you don't gotta say all that," Jecht muttered, clearly uncomfortable with the sort of praise Braska was doling out. "I ain't any more special than the rest o' ya."
"I know you don't see it that way," Braska said, throwing his arms around the bigger man. "And that's exactly why you are. Thank you for everything, my dear friend. I will do everything in my power to keep you safe."
"Yeah, yeah," Jecht mumbled, returning the hug. After a moment, he shoved Braska away and turned around, rubbing at his eyes. "Go bother somebody else, B. Got somethin' in my eye here."
Braska walked before Auron next.
Auron kept his head bowed, his eyes on the ground, fists clenched. "I said no goodbyes," he muttered angrily. Then he looked up, his eyes bright. "You are not going to die."
Braska reached up and locked his hands behind Auron's head, bumping their foreheads together. "You are the best friend I have ever had in my entire life," he said, closing his eyes. "You alone have always treated me with utter and complete honesty, even at my lowest. You were with me even before I met Raenn, and you have stayed by my side every moment since then. You took it upon yourself to care for Yuna when I was too selfish to do it myself. And you persistently ascribed to me more greatness than I ever truly possessed. I am the man I am today because you pushed me to be better, Auron. You. Always, with your unyielding expectations and belief in me. I… I can't tell you just how much I still cherish that. I don't know what I might have become had you not been by my side all this time."
"Braska…" Auron's voice was tortured, and Braska finally dropped his hands and stepped back.
"I want you to stop feeling guilty. Stop blaming yourself," Braska said, forcing Auron to meet his gaze. "You can't change your nature any more than I can change mine. That's also why I loved you, and still in many ways do. Take pride in what we will achieve here, because all of my accomplishments are also your own. Stop serving others and pursue your own happiness when this is over. Be as selfish as I am, for once. That is what I wish for you the most."
They stood there for a few more moments, a decade's bond stretching between them, before Auron nodded mutely, and Braska relaxed.
"Thank you, Auron."
Finally, he turned and walked slowly towards her. Rikku sprung to her feet, nearly losing her balance. "Umm," she said when he stopped before her, her heart pounding.
"Auron," Braska said, eying her. "Turn around."
"Hnn," Auron grunted, though he actually did turn his back to them, folding his arms together and glaring up at the mountains.
Braska grinned. "Love might be blind, but at least friendship tries not to notice." He grabbed both of Rikku's hands, lifting them to his lips and kissed her knuckles softly. "Rikku. I've been in love many times. My life has taught me that there's no such thing as an eternal love."
Rikku looked at their joined hands; her fingers were clutched tightly around Braska's own, as if she could keep him from slipping away from them with her grasp.
"Still… I want to love you forever," he murmured, also watching their joined hands and returning her grip just as fiercely.
Rikku gasped; it came out as a sob.
Braska pulled her in to a tight embrace, cradling her in his arms. "Shh. Perhaps this won't be goodbye. And you will always have Auron's love, to buffer you from whatever this life throws at you." He pulled back and cupped her chin, his eyes tender as he searched her face. One thumb brushed away a tear.
"But I can't help but be pleased that you're sad," he whispered softly, his thumb continuing to trace over her cheek in soft sweeps. "Purge me from your heart with those tears. It's only after you've pulled up the tangled and twisted vines that I've left behind that Auron's love can seed and grow there fully. It'll be better that way. He is better."
"B-but I love you, too," Rikku whispered, grabbing his hand and leaning into his touch. "What if you die?"
Braska smiled, then leaned down and kissed her. A real kiss this time; not the chaste, cautious thing he'd bestowed on her in Zanarkand. This time he pressed his lips against hers yearningly, as if he was trying to leave a part of himself within her. She acquiesced, and he parted her lips and drew her closer, his arms clutching around her sides as tightly as he'd gripped her fingers while hers rose to cup his back.
After what seemed to be an endless moment, he finally drew back, breathing deeply, and rested his cheek against hers. She felt the soft puffs of his breath, gradually slowing as he regained control of himself. Then, carefully, he moved his hands to her arms and pushed her away.
"How lucky I am," he murmured, searching her face, "to find it so difficult to say goodbye."
He stepped away, keeping ahold of one of her hands until both of their arms were fully outstretched before he finally let her go. Then he raised his voice, calling out to Jecht and Auron to follow as he continued his way down into the plains.
"It's time. Shall we, then?"
A/N:
"Love is blind, friendship tries not to notice" is a quote from Otto von Bismarck.
A lot of what Braska tells everybody else is just straight up inspired by the passionate love poetry of RUMI as well; definitely worth checking out if you're a romantic.
There's also some Winnie the Pooh sentimentality in there, haha.