When Katniss finished her song, everyone carried on in silence. The majority of the dwarves had their eyes and mouth wide open in astonishment, Thorin included. A few though, like Gloin and Oin looked almost offended, Dwalin seemed to be taken off balance and Nori was narrowing his eyes looking from Thorin to Katniss as if he was trying to build up the courage to say something. Gandalf looked amazed, and Bilbo was looking from one dwarf to the other as if he was trying to figure out what was going on. However, it was Balin who decided to break that silence.
"Lass… where did you learn this song?"
"My father taught me…" she answered as she started feeling a bit self-conscious as she could clearly notice the heavy atmosphere that was hanging within the company.
"And where did your father learn that from?"
"From his Mother, I believe…"
"And where, in Mahal's name, did your Grandmother come across this?"
"I don't know. How can I? I never met her. She died before I was even born," she said defensively. "What is the big deal about it anyway? This is just an old song. Doesn't really mean anything..."
All the dwarves looked at each other in shock at her confession before they began to argue fervently in their secret native language. Her statement also made Gandalf look at Katniss as if she had suddenly grown another head.
"Gandalf, what is going on?" Bilbo asked the wizard. Katniss tried to get near them so she could hear the wizard's answer as well.
"Quiet, Bilbo. I am trying to understand that myself…" Gandalf then focused all his attention to the group of dwarves who were having a heated discussion in Khuzdul. Bilbo and Katniss exchanged a confused look, as they were sure to be the only ones who were not following anything of what was going on.
The song that she had sung was about a beloved father who was a smith and had seven children, each with their own charms and peculiarities. For her, that song was about a father teaching their children to cherish and treat their lovers with the same care that they would dedicate to refine the most precious jewel. For her, it was an innocent meaningless old song. But for them, that was nothing but a crude version of one of their most sacred songs that had never been sung for outsiders or even translated from their secret language.
Many other meanings and analogies were lost on her translation. Instead of acclaiming and praising their father Mahal, her song talked about an old smith father. Yavanna had also become the mother of trees and birds. Her adaptation did not name the seven clans, and only listed some of their peculiarities instead.
"Katniss," Thorin shouted her name, taking her off guard. "Is this song common knowledge among your people?"
"No. I don't think I recall hearing it apart when I was in the woods with my father. Thorin, what is going on?" Katniss asked, but she was promptly ignored as he started talking quickly in Khuzdul with his men again. After a shorter time, Thorin directed his word to her again.
"What do you know about Mahal?"
"Who?" she asked with a frown.
"Mahal, the Maker, Aulë, Návatar, the Smith,"
"Is this to do with the smith father from my song?"
"Not your song, Lass. Our song," Nori corrected her, making her feel even more confused than what she already was.
"What do you know about the Valar, Katniss?" Thorin asked again.
"What is a Valar?" Katniss inquired.
The high amount of whispers among the company were quite big after that. Even Bilbo was looking at her baffled.
"If anyone had any doubt that the Lass has no idea what she was singing about, that is your proof," Bofur declared in common.
"What are you all talking about?"
"The Valar, Katniss - the ones who helped Eru, Ilúvatar to shape Arda," Gandalf answered. There was an undeniable affliction on his face that announced just how worried he was to learn that this girl from the future had no idea about who the Valar were.
"Eru?" she frowned her eyebrows even harder, making everybody gasp.
"The father of all, the creator of the world!" Gandalf tried again.
"You mean… like a God from a religious cult?" she guessed as she felt a bit uncomfortable to even verbalise that notion. "These have been forbidden for centuries, I believe. I am not exactly sure if that happened before or after the collapse of modern civilization, but it certainly happened way before the First Rebellion."
That announcement followed a dead silence. The mere idea that there would be a day where people no longer knew about the Valar seemed eerie enough for all of them. Even Gandalf had been taken back by this new information.
"Are you telling me that this song about the old smith and mother nature that my father taught me was originally a song from a cult?" Katniss asked him doubtfully.
While all the other members of the company stared at her in shock, Gandalf looked at her with pity and compassion. Considering what the dwarves had said, adding that to his previous suspicion and what he now had discovered about her and the era she lived, it became clearer than ever to him why Katniss had been chosen by the Valar to help Thorin and his company to accomplish that mission.
"The Valar are not a religion or cult, at least not in the sense you are thinking, Katniss. The Valar just are. They are the air you breathe, the stars, the water from the rivers and seas, the forest and mountains, the sun and the moon and every being that has ever lived. They are the ones who gave shape and form for all these things and more, and all these things are them as well."
Even though her natural reaction would probably be to deny such affirmations, there was a powerful force within Gandalf's speech that made her take everything he said as truth. Or at very least to shake all the knowledge and preconceptions about the world and life that she held until that moment.
"Right. But how does any of this have anything to do with that song?"
There was a silence where all the dwarves exchanged glances before Thorin decided to speak.
"You sang a translated version of one of our secret songs that should never have been translated or sung in any other language that is not our own," Thorin calmly explained to her.
"Oh…" she exclaimed, finally understanding all the fuss that the dwarves were making about it. "Why would my father and grandfather know a version of your song?"
"Exactly. Why would they?" Gloin asked, narrowing his eyes towards her in suspicion.
"I might have a theory that would answer this question," Gandalf said. "Though, I was hoping to hear the opinion of other members from my order on the matter before I revealed it to you..."
"Tell us now, Tharkûn. If this involves my people, I want to know," Thorin demanded.
"Very well," Gandalf nodded at him before he turned his attention back to Katniss. "When I first met you at Bilbo's home, some magical force allowed me to see some of your memories, Katniss."
She gasped in shock but allowed him to carry on.
"While I was surprised by your futuristic origins, there was also something else about you that made me wonder that you might not be solely human. Your mental and physical strength and resilience to overcome the burdens that have befallen on you; your natural stubbornness, harshness and even your physical appearance - as you certainly are much shorter and have a little bit more facial hair than it would be considered normal for the average daughter of men to have."
Thorin and the others also seemed taken back by that revelation. Katniss opened her mouth in a rare display of emotions. She always attributed her short stature to her low nutrition during her childhood, but if she stopped to think about, she was on the smaller side even among other girl's that did not have much more to eat than she had. And yes, maybe her eyebrows were a little too thick, and yes, she had hair on her upper lips and she also had thick sideburns, but it was not that unusual among women in Seams in District Twelve.
"Even so, a dwarf you are not. That much is clear by other aspects of your physical appearance and also by the quick way you seem to age. But now you have come to demonstrate knowledge of a song that only dwarrows were supposed to know. A song that was passed on to you through your father and his father before that. That just placed more weight on my previous theory that even though you are clearly not a dwarf, perhaps you could be a dwarf descendant."
"You mean to say… that Lady Katniss is our kin?" Ori was the first dwarf to reach that conclusion.
"Yes, I believe she is," Gandalf confirmed.
"But she didn't even know what a dwarf was a few days ago!" Dori contested.
"Many generations are likely to have passed since a full dwarf has been present on Katniss' family tree. Enough generations to dilute her dwarrow blood so she can unquestionably pass by a full human, but not enough to erase all these little characteristics and traits I'd noticed. Pretty much like your song, which has lost its meaning and no longer is sung in your sacred language. But despite all odds, survived."
"Like a Mockingjay..." Katniss whispered to herself and looked at Gandalf, who nodded in agreement. There was a small moment of silence where she reorganised her thoughts before she spoke again.
"Are you trying to tell me that one of them..." Katniss said as she pointed to the dwarves "could be my Great-great-great-grandfather?"
"I believe that it could be many more generations down the line than that, Katniss, but yes, it is unlikely, but not impossible."
There was a long silence where all the dwarves looked at Katniss and she looked back at them, as they all contemplated that possibility.
"I would love it if you were my Great-great-great-granddaughter, Lass!" Bombur said with a glint of affection in his eyes.
"Don't be ridiculous! She is way too pretty to be even remotely related to you," Bofur told his brother, making the entire company laugh and Katniss to blush.
"How sure are you of this, Tharkûn?" Thorin asked at last.
"Sure enough to verbalize my suspicions to you all, although as I said, I would feel much more assured if I could get a second opinion on the matter. The Valar must have their reason for choosing her specifically for aiding on your quest. And I believe that you might agree when I say that Katniss does bear some resemblance to Durin's folk…"
Katniss and Thorin exchanged another intense glare. While Katniss wondered what his thoughts were on the matter, Thorin admitted that she did indeed have some few features that reminded him of his own kinsfolk. He turned back to his men and announced his decision.
"Miss Everdeen is clearly not a dwarf, but somehow she is our kin. And thus, she should be treated as such. If anyone has any problem with that, they should address their concerns directly to me."
That said, he turned around and walked away from the camp as he felt like he needed some time alone to process all that new information he had learned about Katniss Everdeen.
All the other dwarves remained on their spot, and slowly conversation returned to the camp. Katniss, on the other hand, stood up willing to seek out his companionship. For some weird reason, she felt like she needed to hear from him that nothing had changed between them. However, Balin stopped her by gently placing his hand on her shoulders as she was about to leave.
"Where do you think you are going, Lassie?"
"I want to talk to Thorin."
"Can't that wait until tomorrow? It is almost time for everyone to retire. And you should get some rest, as you will be doing the last watch if I'm remembering it right."
She gave him a smile. For some reason, the gentle soul of the old white-haired dwarf reminded her of Mags, and she found his company comforting. Besides, Thorin seemed to hold high respect for him, so Katniss felt like he could be trusted for now.
"I just wanted to understand what he meant when he said that now I should be treated as kin…"
"Oh that. Don't you worry Lassie. I don't think much is going to change for you, as we already treat you with the utmost respect. Although do not be surprised if you notice an increase in overprotectiveness from our part."
Katniss grunted in frustration.
"I don't think I can handle more fussing over me, Balin."
"That is our nature, Lassie. Dwarves are extremely protective of their women and children, and at the moment you seem to be part of both these categories."
"I thought we at least had agreed that I am no longer a child!" she said the last word almost if she was taking offence by the mere suggestion of it.
"Forgive these old dwarrow ways, Lassie. But you need to understand that for our people, there is a big gap between being of age and being considered an adult…"
Katniss grunted in frustration again.
"Thorin did mention something about that…"
"Aye. And he must indeed believe that you already did more than enough to prove yourself on this matter. The fact that he assigned you for a watch tonight is proof of that."
She nodded in understanding. They looked over their shoulders and noticed that the majority of the company was starting to lay down on their sleeping mats.
"Thorin is a wonderful leader for our people. I trust his judgment. I know that he would not seek and cherish your company otherwise. Off you go, Lassie..." Balin said the last bit pointing at her sleeping mat.
Katniss nodded in acknowledgement and as goodnight before she tucked herself underneath her cloak. She ended up sleeping a few moments later thinking about what Balin said about Thorin seeking and cherishing her presence.
Katniss's birthday celebrations started by her being woken up by another nightmare. Fortunately, she did not wake the entire company, and it was almost time for her watch duty anyway. Dawn came, and the day went on just as the others. A big breakfast followed by a long horse-riding until it was late-afternoon.
Katniss was pleased when Thorin announced that not only she was due to join the hunting party that day, but he decided to take part in it as well. So she went on a hunt together with Thorin and Balin for the very first time. Katniss noticed that Balin stayed a bit behind, almost as if he wished to give her and Thorin some privacy, but she did not say anything. Soon they trapped a large group of wild ducks, and grabbed as many they could carry back to the camp alongside some eggs. Katniss also insisted on grabbing some wild onions and garlic that she spotted once again.
"Thorin, I was wondering… after training, when dinner is ready… if you would like to go off somewhere with me and hear the rest of what happened at my second Hunger Games."
She did not say that quietly, and Balin was able to hear it as well. Thorin exchanged a look with his friend before he nodded at her in agreement.
"Sure."
However, there was no training that evening. When they came back, she found that the dwarves had decided to fix some sort of starter meal by roasting some of the nuts from the provisions they were carrying. They were seated in a circle around the fire, and most of the dwarves already had a musical instrument on their hands. To say that Katniss was moved by the gesture was an understatement. The last time she remembered to have such a pleasant surprise on her birthday was when her father was alive. She quickly claimed a spot next to the place where she knew that Thorin would be seated. They were slowly managing to break through all her mental walls with their kindness.
The music started as Thorin and Balin handed the ducks to be prepared by Bombur and Bifur, as the roast meat would be their main source of food that evening. They played and sang many different tunes that she had never heard before. When they asked her to sing another song, she felt a bit wary, considering what had happened the previous night, but an encouraging look from Thorin made her go ahead and sing the hanging tree song for them. She was not surprised to find they were unfamiliar with that one.
"Very catchy tune, Lass," Bonfur complemented. "We could try adding some instruments next time."
"A bit spooky for my taste…," Ori said.
"Yes, my mother forbade my Sister and I to sing that song when she found us putting ropes around our necks…"
"Sensible Lass! That is no tune tae teach young ones," Dwalin grunted.
Katniss gave him a murderous glare. She had to agree that Dwalin had a point, but not standing up for her father's parenting would feel like some sort of betrayal to her.
"There are many things that children should never have to face, but that they are forced to go through where I came from…"
"Would ya like tae talk abou' that, Lass?" Dwalin asked.
Katniss felt a bit dazed. Even though she knew they all gave no reasons for her to do anything but trust them, she still did not feel safe enough to open up like this with all of them. She was not ready to be put in such a vulnerable position in front of the entire company. At least not yet. She gave a pleading look to Thorin before she stood up, grabbed her shoulder bag and weapon and walked away from the camp.
"She is not ready yet, Dwalin," Thorin said standing up and gathering his own belongs to follow her. "But believe me when I say, she has been through more than the majority here have. And I haven't finished hearing her tale yet."
"Won't you be needing a chaperone, Uncle?" Fíli said with a glint in his eyes.
"We volunteer!" Kíli exclaimed excitedly.
Thorin frowned at the duo, who laughed in response.
"It won't be necessary. I will bring her back within the company's eyesight as soon as I can." And with that, he left them to go after their heroine.
Katniss was trying to use a makeshift fishing rod, with one of her fishing hooks attached on it to capture some fish at the marshes when Thorin arrived and sat down next to her. She carried on doing her thing, almost ignoring his presence. He decided to also make an improvised fishing rod, which did not take him too long, as Thorin, like all dwarves, seemed to possess a particular gift for making things. They remained like that for a while until he caught the first fish.
"That is not fair! I have been here before you arrived."
"My bait is better than yours. Come here, amrâlimê. Let me show you…" Thorin gently said, savouring the taste of that sacred word in khuzdul coming out his lips for the very first time. Love of mine, that was exactly what she was.
He knew she would not understand its meaning, but the truth was that his heart already had chosen her. Even if she decided that she did not want him, he would still belong to her.
Katniss felt her heart beating fast as she narrowed the gap between them. She still had no idea why her body seemed to behave in so many awkward ways when they were so close like that. Still, she couldn't help but seek his addictive presence. She wished Prim, Madge or even her Mother were there for her to ask their opinion on that matter. She did her best to conceal the turmoil of feelings inside her as Thorin demonstrated how to use some old bread as fish bait.
The word bread made her think about Peeta. And thinking about Peeta made her feel guilty. Nothing unusual about that.
"What is wrong?" Thorin said sensing her sudden uneasiness.
"It's nothing."
"You are a bad liar."
"No, I am not!"
"Yes, you are."
"Would you like to hear the rest of my story? Maybe I can remind you how I lied for an entire nation," she asked in an attempt to deflect his question. He noticed her strategy straight away but decided to fall for it regardless. At least this time.
"Sure," he said as he felt another fish biting his bait. He pulled it out and it was quite a big one. "This should be enough for both of us. How about we make a fire near the company's eyesight like we did last time and eat these while you carry on with your tale?"
"Fine," she agreed and they stood up and they did as he suggested.
As Thorin made a small fire and gutted the fishes, Katniss sat down and started narrating the rest of her story to him. It took her sometime to remember exactly where she had stopped.
"Did I tell you about when Peeta wiped all the other tributes' interviews away by deciding to tell the entire country that we had married in secret and I was pregnant?"
Thorin dropped both fishes on the floor, his eyes wide open and his face was pale as a ghost.
"No."
"Oh yeah, that is probably where I stopped then," Katniss said with a smile as she pretended not having noticed the way he reacted.
Somehow watching his reaction gave her an unfamiliar pleasant feeling in her stomach, which she believed that could only be hunger. Though, if she was honest with herself, deep inside she knew that she never felt hunger in that particular way.
"Oh, by the way, Peeta was lying. In the end, we never ended up getting married, fake wedding or not. And obviously, it would be impossible for me to be pregnant as I had never… well, you know…" she said blushing.
Thorin released a breath he did not know he was holding. Yes, he knew. And… would it be too pretentious of him to dream about a day where they could end up doing that together? He had never hoped to find someone who made him lose his north like Katniss does. Not after Smaug, not after he had witnessed his grandfather being beheaded by Azog. Not even after his father disappeared. He had been calloused by the ills of life. Too wounded to allow somebody else to break through his walls. There was so much darkness inside him. Still… a look at her and he could not help bend down on her knees.
"Carry on, Ghivâshel."
She gave him a funny look as she heard him calling her that foreigner strange word, but she carried on her tale nonetheless. And then she remembered what caused her meltdown last time - Cinna's death. So she tried to go over it again as quickly as she could, by telling him how Snow aimed to affect her first moments at the arena by doing that.
Soon she saw herself telling him how she quickly swam to the Cornucopia and found Finnick Odair as soon she got her hands on her new bow. She told him how she almost killed him until he showed her Haymitch's golden bracelet on his wrist, and Katniss realised that was her mentor's nonverbal order for her to trust him.
"I did not like Finnick when I'd first met him. His flirtatious ways made me feel sick. I knew he had many lovers at the Capitol, and that disgusted me. Only later I found out that Snow actually sold him and his body to many powerful people inside the Capitol." Thorin frowned his eyes looking a bit puzzled, so Katniss decided to clarify ."Finnick was forced into prostitution, Thorin. That happened with many other victors as well. If they refused, someone they loved was killed. President Snow would probably have forced me to do the same if my role in that horror circus wasn't to convince every single soul in Panen, including myself, that I was in love with Peeta."
Thorin was truly repulsed by that revelation. His One could have been forced to… he could not even voice how disgusted he felt. And here he thought that it was impossible for him to hate anything more than Smaug or Azog. That Snow fellow was making his blood boil with anger in a way that he did not feel for a long time. He cursed horrible words in Khuzdul and Katniss looked at him in puzzlement, but she did not say anything.
Instead, she carried on narrating how Finnick followed her lead, and soon he, Peeta, Mags and she were all walking inside the forest trying to find some water. She confessed to him that she almost killed Finnick a couple of times, as she knew that a break of an alliance would have to happen soon or later.
"Haymitch told me later that is exactly why he could never allow me to make the plans. I can not distinguish a friend from a foe."
Thorin could see the reason behind her mentor's choice. Indeed, she was slowly warming up to the rest of the company, but he knew that she had trust issues that would be hard to overcome.
Then she told Thorin how Finnick ended up saving Peeta's life by bringing him back by doing CPR on him and how she went berserk when she almost saw the boy dying in front of her eyes.
"This time I was not trying to win the games. I had already accepted and come to terms with my own death. They can only have one winner. I cheated the system last time, but I was certain that they would not let that happen again. My only motivation was to ensure that Peeta would be the one who would leave that place alive. In the first Game,I was trying to win for my sister Prim. This time I was determined to help Peeta to win because he was a much better person than I could ever hope to be."
"I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, Ghivâshel. You are an amazing person."
She gave him a dry smile.
"No… I am a horrible person. Everywhere I go, everything I do… is followed by destruction, Thorin. My District would never have been destroyed if it wasn't for me. I hate myself, Thorin. I really do. I wished so many times that I had died… that Peeta had died… that we all had died in that arena…"
"Don't say that, amrâlimê," he pleaded.
"I am not a good person, Thorin. Later there was a moment when we were being hunted by some kind of poisonous fog and I… I almost ran away to save my own skin and left Peeta there to die! The very person I had vowed to save! Finnick carried Peeta for me, but I could not save Mags for him! I was too weak. During the first Games, the same thing happened. I did not want to go to the Cornucopia to get Peeta's medicine. It was the fear of having to live with his death over my shoulders that made me save him."
"No one can blame you for having survival instincts, Katniss," he also thought that she probably did not love the boy as well, at least not in that way, but he decided to keep that opinion to himself. It would be better to let her reach that conclusion alone.
At the same time, he decided to share some things that she had never discussed with anybody else before.
"I hate myself as well, Katniss. I hate myself for being unable to protect Erebor from Smaug's attack. I hate that I fled while the majority of my people were left to die inside that mountain, my mother included among them. I hate that I survived and my younger brother Frerin died in the Battle of Azanulbizar. I hate that I was unable to find my father dead or alive. I feel so ashamed of myself that I have been trimming my beard for more than a century, Katniss." he said the last bit staring at the ground. He could not remember ever being feeling more vulnerable than he was now.
It was then that he felt her cold small hands stroking his beard. He raised his eyes to look her in the eyes, she had a blush on her cheeks, almost as if she just realised what she was doing. She was biting the corner of her lip. Mahal, she was adorable! He got one of his hands on her own chin and eagerly waited for her to make a move.
He could feel his face burn and his heart was beating fast. He could also hear her own heart beating like a drum. She slowly narrowed the gap between them, and he closed his eyes, almost dreaming, hoping, begging for her kiss. And a kiss she gave him. Only that it was a kiss on the corner of his chin.
Not exactly what he had hoped for, but he would take it. It was not an unwelcome feeling either. She lingered her soft lips on his hairy chin, for a while, and he opened his eyes and lifted her chin, even so slightly to bring her lips closer to the exact spot where he needed them to be. Their foreheads touched, he closed his eyes again and opened his mouth to invite her in, he could smell and feel the warmth of her breath.
Only for her to push him away at the very last second and go to attend the fish that was still grilling.
"I think they are ready," she said as she fetched her water bottle and drank a generous amount from it. "It is hot in here, don't you think?"
He tried to hide his frustration the best way he could, though he knew that he would be failing miserably at doing so.
"Yes…" he grunted.
Thorin could hear his sister's son's laughter coming from far away behind him. They would never let him live it down.
