A/N - Thank you Nauze for being a great beta, Apples for spoiling me with her lovely reviews :)
"Is that what I think it is?" Bilbo asked, making her frown in confusion. Which place did Bilbo could possibly think that mountain was?
"Erebor—The Lonely Mountain. The last of the great dwarf kingdoms of Middle-earth." Gandalf revealed, making Katniss feel as if her heart stopped in shock.
"Our home," Thorin said, full of pride.
Katniss could not help but gasp. Their home. Erebor. Erebor was District Two. The very same district she had helped destroy someday in the future.
Oin started saying something about ravens but she barely paid him any attention. It was as if she had forgotten how to breathe. All she could do was have flashbacks about that fatidical night when the rebels exploded the Nut, burying its residents alive just so they would be able to undermine the Capitol's military power.
Katniss could almost feel the heat of the fire, the sulfurous smell of gunpowder. The bitter taste of metal. The clouds of smoke. She felt sick. How could she look Thorin in the eyes after learning this? How could she look at any of them without remembering that someday she had - well, would - helped destroy their homeland. She felt dirty, unworthy of their respect. She wanted to run away.
"Are you okay, Lassie?" she noticed a concerned Balin addressing her, removing Katniss from her hypnotic trance. Only then she realised that Thorin and the others had already started to carefully climb down the Carrock, the place where the eagles had dropped them on.
"Balin…" she started, unsure of what exactly she could say, so she decided to remain quiet and pray that he would just let her be.
"You look like you've seen a ghost," the old dwarf started. She gave him an intense glare, silently demanding him to drop it. Then she started to slowly walk towards the place where the others had already started to go down a rustic staircase. Balin went after her but not before turning back and giving a final glance to the Lonely Mountain.
After having lost the majority of their belongings and provisions, they were in desperate need of food and water. Everyone was feeling exhausted but there was a silent agreement that they needed to carry on and push through their tiredness for just a little bit longer. After all, the sun had just risen in the sky, and they would likely have more success if they did their search while graced by the sunlight's presence.
Katniss remained silent most of the time, ignoring anyone who approached her to make any sort of small talk. She remained further back of their group, still ruminating thoughts about what she would do now that she knew about Erebor's future, and the part she had played in it.
Thorin, on the other hand, remained in the front, leading the company. He was filled with pride, more determined than ever to diminish the distance between them and the Lonely Mountain. His excitement for finally glimpsing his childhood's land once again was so great, he ended up failing to perceive how shaken up his One had become at the sight of his homeland.
It took them a couple of hours to find an extremely narrow stream that Gandalf knew would later join with the Anduin River. Despite being quite early still, Thorin quickly ordered them to set up camp and perform their usual tasks, as he knew they all had more than earned the right of having a little rest. This time, to her annoyance, Katniss was excused from all tasks, so she found a spot and started to go through what was left of her possessions. She suspected that the sole reason for that was that Thorin probably wanted to finally readdress the impulsive proposal he had done at the top of the Carrock, and she wasn't really looking forward to facing him again. Not after everything she had found out.
Katniss avoided looking at him until he was so near, that there was not a possibility for her to ignore his presence any longer. She looked up to face him, praying that this talk would finish before it even started. Thorin had an eager, fierce gleam in his eyes and a pleasant jovial smirk that made him look almost a century younger than what he really was. Her heart was beating fast. The guilty of having once been among the ones who had exploded his homeland way too present on her mind.
"You killed Azog," was what he first stated, to her surprise.
"You know it, then," she stated back, nodding in agreement.
"Dwalin told me. Thank you," he carried on, "but I wish you had left Azog for me."
"I'm sorry. But you were not in a position to refuse any help," she said, finally able to look him in the eyes. It was Thorin's turn to nod in acceptance of her statement.
"Believe me when I say that I understand your frustration, Thorin. I would hate to see anyone else but me killing Snow,"
Even though Thorin intensified his glare at that revelation, he did not say a word. It was when he noticed the unopened package he had carried all the way from Rivendell and was resting among her other possessions that he spoke up.
"Are you not going to open it?" he said looking at the package as he successfully hid his feelings about her delay on opening his gift. Katniss felt her cheeks burn. She knew what it was, as Balin had previously informed her that gifting a weapon was, essentially, a very formal marriage proposal among Durin's folk.
"Thorin, about that, I think we should talk."
He nodded.
"Come," he invited her, offering his hand. "Grab your things. Let's scout a bit further."
She sighed. She was feeling extremely tired after the big ordeal they all had gone through. Nonetheless, she did as he said. Some of the company members threw them sly, knowing looks as she followed him away from their small troop. They walked in complete silence for several, long minutes. Katniss' heart was beating extremely fast throughout the entire walk. The guilt and shame were mixed with the anxiety regarding Thorin's unexpected hasty marriage proposal. In addition, there was also the weird sensation of something twisting inside her stomach. It was something she had been feeling every time Thorin was involved.
Thorin, on the other hand, was completely unaware of the swirling feelings inside her. Balin had informed his suspicion that Katniss was somehow feeling a bit out of sorts. However, everybody had seen when she answered to his touch. Thorin also had made it quite clear that he was serious about his intentions. Whatever it was that was making her wary, he never imagined it would have any impact on their relationship. Even though the matrimonial agreement would still need to be signed, now that he showed his intentions and she had accepted the court, they were allowed to be alone. And if there was something that Thorin Oakenshield wanted almost as much as reclaiming Erebor, was to take full advantage of being able to enjoy her presence in privacy.
When he was certain they would no longer be seen or heard by anyone from their company, Thorin invited her to sit down on the grass with him. She had an unreadable expression, but he could sense how tense she was.
"Your hair is a mess. Can I wash it and braid it for you?" he asked eagerly as he placed a loose stray of hair behind her ear. This request and gesture made her quiver at the memory of the last time he cared for her hair. She wanted to agree and allow him to take charge, but she also knew there were many reasons why she should avoid that at any costs. Instead of answering his question, she decided to ask him something else.
"Balin told me that dwarves only love once...is that true or he was only playing with me?"
"It is true. Why would Balin jest about such thing, Mizin?" He frowned. That was certainly not the answer he was hoping to hear. "Do you know what my gift means, I assume?"
"It is a sword, isn't it? Balin told me. It is your tradition to gift an axe or a sword to your intended."
"Aye, it is our tradition bestow a gift. And blacksmith is the craft of the house of Durin."
Katniss started fiddling with the unopened package that she had received an hour ago.
"Why me?"
"Why you?"
"Why did you choose me to be your One?"
"You are a stunning, alluring woman, Katniss. The kind many men would kill to claim as their own…"
"You are very attractive as well, Thorin. I am pretty sure you must have dwarrowdams lined up to court you."
"Aye. But I never pursued courting with any."
"Why ever not?"
"Because I never returned their feelings…"
There was a brief silence where he reached for her hand and slowly started stroking it with his own. This mere touch was enough to send waves of pleasure across her body.
"We might not have started with the right foot. But you allowed me to see who you really are. A young brave woman who had been forced to endure the weight of the world on her shoulders…" He paused and took a deep breath before proceeding, "and...I saw myself in you."
"Thorin…" she gasped his name, her heart beating fast.
"Please, let me finish, Mizin. I know that we have many divergences; our race, our age gap, even the era we were born is different. But despite all these differences, I could not help but watch my feelings for you grow stronger and stronger. And now, it has been a while that I have been sure that you are amrâlimê - my love, my One and only…"
My love. Amrâlimê. Katniss started fiddling with the package again, as she wondered what would happen to all these feelings he claimed to have when she confessed the part she would one day play at the destruction of District Two.
"Open it," he ordered.
She gave him an intrigued look before doing as asked. She could not help but let a gasp of admiration leave her lips as she saw the beautiful sword he had just given her. She ran her fingers through it, trying to assimilate every little detail engraved on the sword, from the unknown dwarrow runes carved in the blade, to the small Mockingjay on the hilt. She tried it out, performing a few moves that Dwalin had taught her. It felt like it was the perfect size and weight for her arms.
"Thorin! Where did you get this?" she gasped, unsure of how to react. She could barely remove her eyes from the blade, which had clearly been tailor-made for her.
"I made it, of course," he said, cocky, making her raise her eyes and look at him in astonishment. "This is a token of my affection to you, amrâlimê. As I said, blacksmithing is the craft that has been passed through me from generations. It has been present in my family since Durin I, the Deathless, our oldest ancestral. Swords and Axes are known to be the traditional courting gift that the king presents his future Queen to demonstrate his intentions of marrying her, both for her and to the entire court."
That thought made her gasp. Marriage. Children. Turning that vision from Galadriel's mirror into reality was something that still terrified her. Not even to mention her newly found part over Erebor's destruction added to his own responsibility towards his people. No. She did not want that.
"I know I am not in a position to offer you anything that you deserve. I'm a king without a kingdom. Erebor is currently held by a living fire drake. But if you return my feelings...and wish to make a family, a home, alongside me…" he gave her a hopeful look, only to have her return him one of pure shock.
"Thorin…I can't. I can't accept this," she said as she tried to return the blade, to his astonishment and disappointment. "Thorin…I don't want to get married. I never could bear the thought of having children. Especially after being forced to witness children having to go through the Reaping, year after year..."
"There is no such thing like your Games here, Katniss. Any child of ours would never be forced to face such a thing."
"How can you know that? Your grandfather was beheaded during a battle…your father disappeared. We barely escaped with our lives from the Goblins and Orcs…I can't bring myself to raise children just so they have to face this sort of fate."
"It will be different. Once we reclaim the mountain…any children of ours will never have to endure this. Erebor's wealthy is beyond anything you can imagine, Mizin. They would never need to go through the sort of hardships we went."
"Even if you reclaim Erebor...you cannot guarantee that your kingdom will always be in peace, can you?" her glare was intense, but so was his.
"No. But I can promise to do everything in my power to avoid war."
Katniss was taken back by the regal air around him when made this pledge. Thorin's eyes were locked on hers, and his fingers were touching her hand. She was, once again, surprised by how such a small gesture could set her entire body aflame.
"Please, reconsider my proposal, Mizin. I know you want this as much as I do."
"Thorin…you are only saying that because you don't know what I've done."
"What do you mean?" he asked with a frown.
She sighed. She would need to share what she had done with him.
"Back in the future…when the rebels decided to go on with Gale's idea to explode the Nut, we exploded Erebor. I'm sorry, I didn't know," Katniss did not look him in the eyes while she confessed her crimes, dreading to see the disappointment and revulsion stamped on his face. However, it was nothing but sheer confusion, the main feeling upon his semblance.
"What do you mean, you exploded Erebor?"
"I've been to Erebor before. Well, I knew it as District Two, your mountain was the Nut we exploded. Do you remember? How I was shot by a man from Two?"
Thorin frowned with a heavy heart. Yes, he remembered. It happened just before she woke up in the Shire. Erebor was the place where she had been shot. And now he thought about it, he was surprised that he did not connect the dots yet. Though, to be fair, the many buildings she described that surrounded the mountain did not exist yet.
Katniss, who was still avoiding looking him in the eyes, stood up. Fearing that she would run away, Thorin did the same and grabbed her hand, forcing her to remain where she was.
"You did not. That is the future you came here to change. And you will change it. Do you hear me?"
At that moment, she looked nothing like the fierce female warrior who had killed Azog and the Great Goblin, only a few hours ago. She was shaking and looked as frail as a wounded prey in the locked aim of an experienced hunter. Small teardrops started falling from her eyes despite all her effort to hold them back. She was as vulnerable as she had been the day he invaded her room to help her with her nightmares in Bree.
He pulled her closer to an embrace and began soothing her by stroking her back. She was covered from the sweat, dirt, and grime from the road. Thorin was certain that he did not smell like roses either. But even when she was in such state, he could not help but find her gorgeous.
"Wh-what if…what if I can't change these things? What if…" What if you die, she could not bring herself to voice the scene that she had seen in Galadriel's mirror.
"You will change it, Mizin. I have all confidence that you will; I'm pretty sure you have probably done some changes already."
"H-how… can you be so sure of this?" she asked, her voice still shaken by her sobs.
"You just killed two leaders of the enemy. If this is not making any difference, I'm not sure what else would…"
Her breath started to calm down slightly. He was right. She was likely to be changing things. After all, it had been Azog, the Orc, that had killed him on that vision, she was sure of it. And not even Azog would be able to survive an arrow shot straight to his eye-socket. She slowly broke their embrace, feeling a bit embarrassed by how much weakness she had just shown him.
Thorin caught the sword he had forged for her from the grass and handed it back to her. She glared from him to the sword, unsure if she should take it or not.
"Please, Mizin, take the sword. It is yours. Even if you don't want to be my wife, it won't change the fact that my heart will always belong to you,"
"But Thorin…" she started, but he silenced with a stern look.
"I'm not sure if the death of Azog will be enough to keep these Orcs away from us. We are a few days ahead, but the enemy can move fast. You only have one arrow left. I cannot allow you to be unarmed. Not when there are so many perils on this journey. You will take the sword Katniss, this is an order."
She frowned at his last words, but she took it nonetheless. Thorin had a point. The journey was dangerous, and she could not rely on only a single arrow and her two hidden knives to protect her if they were attacked. She would have to ask Dwalin to push her harder than ever on their training sessions now. Thorin gave a grunt of approval when she tied her new weapon around her waist.
On their way back to the camp, Katniss spotted a wild white flower that she knew far too well because she had been named after it. Thorin was a bit confused when he saw she kneeling down at the edge of the stream and started to dig down with her own hands. It did not take long until she was able to retrieve three small potatoes with a victorious smile on her face and show it to Thorin as if it was a trophy.
"Katniss. As my father said, as long we can find ourselves, we should never starve…"
"Were you named after a potato?" Thorin asked, not believing what he had just heard.
She grinned and confirmed it with a small nod before she started to collect the nearby remaining potatoes. Thorin shook his head in amusement before he knelt down to aid Katniss in retrieving her namesake vegetable.
The smell of meat being cooked informed them that Kili and Fili had been successful on their hunt before they could catch a glimpse of the campsite. As soon they returned, there was a small commotion and bags of coins were exchanged among some members of the company. Kili looked particularly disappointed.
Both Thorin and Katniss frowned at that behaviour, but neither said anything about it. Katniss quickly went back to her spot and started to fiddle with Finnick's old rope, that had somehow made it through the goblin tunnels and the fight against the Orcs and Wargs.
Thorin, on the other hand, pulled Dwalin and Balin a bit further away from the company to confess what had happened and seek their advice.
"What dae ye mean by she refused the court? The lassie is carryin' yer sword!" Dwalin's voice went louder than he had intended, and Thorin was glad for taking them away from the company's ear sight before they started that conversation.
"Only because I ordered her to."
"Thorin! Ye cannat force these things!"
"She has only one arrow left. We are open in the wild. She needs a proper weapon…"
There was a mortal silence as both sons of Fundin were unable to disagree with Thorin's logic this time. Balin was the first who started to speak his mind.
"Thorin, still…I'm sure we could find another solution to this matter. Ordering the Lassie to carry your sword doesn't seem like the right approach,"
"I will not have her unarmed."
"Everybody is going to assume the courting is on…"
"I don't care. The only thing I want is to keep her safe,"
Both brothers looked at each other and took a deep breath in resignation. They obviously also wanted the girl to be armed if they were attacked. There was no argument regarding that fact.
"Do you know why she refused to court you? I'm sorry if I am being too bold, but the Lassie did seem very comfortable with your presence up there at the Carrock," Balin asked seriously.
It was Thorin's turn to give them a deep sigh, as he wondered how much he wanted to share with them.
"She said she is scared of having children of her own."
Both sons of Fundin gave him a shocking disturbing glare.
"She has witnessed way too many young ones dying. You know her story. She is afraid of being forced to witness this happening to her own," Thorin started to explain her logic, even if he did not fully understand it himself.
"That wee Lassie has been through a lot," Dwalin said with a stern look at where Katniss was now sleeping.
"Aye," Thorin agreed sadly.
"Maybe…" Balin also caught a glimpse of the only female of their company, "Maybe not all is lost, my friend. Maybe she just needs some time and will change her mind… maybe she will change her mind when she realises how precious little pebbles are for our people,"
Thorin grunted. He did not feel like sharing that Katniss had also confessed having helped to explode their mountain sometime in the future. Even though he said it was all fine to ease her feelings of guilt about it, he still needed to get his own head around that.
Once they were all fed, Thorin allowed the company to have a well-needed rest, despite still being quite earlier in the day. Even Gandalf fell asleep with the rest of the company. However, before the sunset, he decided that they all should try to push a little bit harder and cover as much as they could before nightfall. After all, they were in the middle of summer, and the days were still longer. Besides, there was always the possibility that the orcs which had been led by Azog could decide to carry on chasing them, even after their leader's death. And during his little scouting earlier with Katniss, informed him that the stream was getting bigger, not too far from where they were. And their lot stank. They were in desperate need of a good wash.
As soon as she was awake, Balin presented Katniss with some cold mutton and rabbit that they had saved for her. She was glad they did so because after having skipped their last meal in exchange for getting some extra rest, she was starving.
It did not take long for the company to break camp, as they had unfortunately lost the majority of their belongs and provisions in Goblitown. As they walked alongside the stream during the following couple of hours, Katniss could not help but wonder about the unbelievable twist that her life had taken in these last couple of months.
If anybody had ever told her that one day she would be back in time, travelling alongside a wizard, a hobbit, and thirteen dwarves she would think that person's mind had probably been affected by tracker jackers. However, there she was, devoting her entire soul to aiding their quest of reconquering homeland.
As if that wasn't strange enough, there was also Thorin and their current, mutual, growing feelings. Without realising what was happening, she had fallen for him deeper and quicker than she ever thought to be possible. But he wanted things that she wasn't ready to give. And she probably never would. Despite his apparent forgiveness for the part she and her friends still could play at the destruction of the Loney Mountain, there was also the lingering pressure of having to change things so a better version of the future could exist.
Katniss never thought one would be able to feel so many mixed feelings at the same time, but there she was. Scared about the future, consumed by guilt, and confused about what she should do about her feelings.