Memoirs of the Holy War

by Naryfiel Lilith

It was a war that spanned across two generations. It was a war that tore Jugdral to pieces. It was a war between those who only did what they thought was right. It was a war manipulated by those who had suffered too much. It was a war filled with tragic mistakes and crippling hope. It was a war immortalized by the survivors, and this is their tale. (FE4 Novelization)

20. Interlude - Mackily

Interlude - Mackily

---

Mackily has surrendered. It's the easiest yet most complicated way to explain the situation. The majority of our forces are sent back to Nordion, to be dispersed at Grahnye's discretion to help stabilize and protect Heirhein and Anphony. Only a token force remains here in Mackily, working with Lykos and seeing how Chagall will react. Some part of me hopes he'll yield and release Lord Eldigan, but I fear it will not be that simple. Nothing these days seems simple.

---

It's strange how location and context can make a world of a difference. In Mackily Castle, the 'clacking' of weapons had been a distraction, irritating even. But here in the villa, the sound was soothing and comforting. I could easily spend my entire morning like this, reading while Chulainn taught. Today, his primary students were Oifey, Dew, and Lachesis. Finn was nearby, closer to me, and going through some exercises Chulainn devised to help him build back up his strength. Every once in a while, I would look up from my book to check on him, and to see how the others fared. Oifey received the usual brutal lesson, and I noticed Lachesis was only a step below in terms of intensity. Dew, meanwhile, got to enjoy his more sedate lesson, a fact he took smug glee in based on his smirk.

Yes, I could've easily spent the morning like this. So, was it a surprise something interrupted?

"There you are!" I barely heard Quan's voice before I was suddenly scooped up like a sack of potatoes. "Been looking all over for you," he 'explained', shifting so he could carry me more easily. Njorun's strength was showing; he had me sitting in the crook of his arm like I weighed little more than air! "Not sure why I didn't check here first."

"Quan, what in the world?" I asked, trying to recover. It was more than a little difficult; I ended up dropping my book while trying to find my balance. "Why were you looking for me?"

"You'll see!" He grinned, full of mischief and glee. "Chulainn, I'm kidnapping her for a moment!"

"You're what?!" It was all I could yelp before he strode off, still carrying me. "At least let me walk!"

He did not. He carried me through the halls with the biggest grin on his face, and no one stopped him. In fact, the few we passed watched us with fondness! I was tempted to see if I could remember how to sulk when we suddenly came upon Deirdre and Ethlyn where they were hiding behind a corner. Both were desperately holding back laughter, even shaking from it, and when Quan finally put me down and let me peek around, I discovered why. Sigurd was chatting with Lykos while wearing the shirt I'd embroidered 'ridiculous' across the back.

"Quan told me about the prank, so I've been helping him dress the past few days," Deirdre whispered, leaning against me. Quan had to hold Ethlyn so she could muffle her laughter against him. "And today, I made sure to pick that one." And as soon as Quan realized what had happened, he had gotten me. "It became a lot easier after Penelope left." Once we were settled, and Penelope saw how doting Sigurd was, she requested to return so she could help Larisa with reorganizing the staff. Though Deirdre, Ayra, and I were sad to see her leave, I knew well how odd it felt to have nothing to do.

"So, that's what happened," I murmured, unable to keep from smiling. This was... "How did Ethlyn get involved?"

"She was with Quan when I told him, and insisted on seeing." She giggled and leaned even more on me. "I wonder how long it'll take for them to notice?"

"Let's find out?"

That was why the four of us remained at the corner, hiding like naughty children. I had to say; there was something bubbly about the whole thing. Many would pass by the two, sparing them only the most cursory of glances. Then they would do a double-take, since they would see what was on Sigurd's shirt, and had to rush off to try and contain their laughter. Sigurd and Lykos, meanwhile, would glance at them in confusion, but since no one ever lingered long enough for them to ask, they would shrug it off and continue their conversation.

"So, this is where you ended up." Chulainn's quiet comment heralded the arrival of more, and I turned to see he had company. The boys and Lachesis had followed, with Finn even carrying my book. "What is going on?" he asked, frowning faintly. Feeling a little shy, I simply pointed around the corner for him to look. It took him all of a second to figure it out. "Ah."

"What is it?" Lachesis asked curiously, leaning on him so she could peek out too. It took her a moment before she saw it. "Why is the wo-?" Before she could finish the question, Quan covered her mouth. "Mmph?"

"Shh... don't spoil it," he teased, still grinning. I'd never seen such mischievous pride before. "It's Alicia's first prank." At that, Dew, Oifey, and Finn grew curious and also peered out. Once they realized what it was, Dew grinned, Finn ducked his head while biting back a laugh, and Oifey actually had to sit on the ground and muffle his snickers with his knees. "See? No spoiling."

"Mmph, mmph." She tapped Quan's hand and he brought it down. "So, how long has it been?"

"Since he got dressed."

"And we're seeing how long it'll take?" She smirked, impish glee radiating off her. "Should we make a bet?"

"Now there's a thought. Anyone want to join?"

Lachesis and Quan quietly discussed the bet, with Deirdre, Ethlyn, and Dew joining in. Oifey was too busy attempting to snicker himself to death, and Finn focused on fussing over him. They tried to pull Chulainn into the bet, but he shook his head and tried to help us be a little less... conspicuous. It was a lost cause, of course. We were a large group full of colorful people; we couldn't be subtle if we tried. There was no way neither Lykos nor Sigurd hadn't noticed us, yet they continued chatting like that hadn't. I was glad for it, since it meant we could watch people's reactions a little longer. Though, there were others who were not so inclined to ignore us.

"...Okay, I'm too curious to not ask," Lex sighed, joining us with Azelle and Ayra. I wasn't surprised; they had already passed us twice while on the way to other things. "What the hell?"

"Keep your voice down," Ethlyn hissed, miming for quiet. This only confused the three newcomers, and Ayra went ahead and stepped around to see what we were poorly spying on. It took her a few seconds to focus on Sigurd, but once she did, she quickly ducked back and even bit her fist to muffle her laughter. "See? It's great, right?"

"Again, what the hell?" Sighing, he stepped to the side too, looking the wrong direction at first. Ayra poked his side to get his attention and pointed to help him out. "Oh, that's brilliant. Who did that? Clearly, someone with sewing experi..." He trailed off, looking right at me. "Since when do you pull pranks?"

"It's my first?" I admitted, feeling terribly silly. But, at the same time, I was enjoying myself. "Deirdre and Quan helped me."

"...Well, this will be interesting to write Arvis and Tailtiu about," Azelle commented, peeking out briefly to confirm it himself. He smiled shyly when he focused on me. "How long has it been?"

"He's been wearing it since this morning."

"What a shame it is that Shannan isn't here to see this," Ayra whispered, her wide grin showing her continued amusement. She glanced up at Lex and nudged his arm. "So, storyteller, how are you going to tell him?"

"Does it have to be a grand story?" Lex asked, softly yet dryly. Yet even as he asked, a thoughtful look came on his face. "Well, I suppose I could spin something. A spirit of roses who sews with her thorns, perhaps?"

"I'd meant it as a joke, but now I'm curious."

So Lex rambled off an impromptu story about the prank, starting with a 'spirit of roses' who hatched a 'clever little plot' to tease a 'spirit of light'. It was as absurd as it sounded, but somehow, it also added to the fun. Certainly, everyone's moods lightened and many struggled to keep their laughter quiet. But, sadly, the fun had to come to an end and not because Sigurd and Lykos finally got tired of pretending they couldn't see us while discussing whatever important topics they were discussing.

No, it ended because Lewyn eventually walked past and, unlike the others, he was bold enough to ask, "Sigurd, is it a custom of Grannvale's to wear shirts with random words embroidered on the back?"

"Pardon?" Sigurd replied, startled. He turned to face Lewyn, and Lykos caught sight of the embroidered word on his shirt and immediately burst into bright laughter. "Huh? What is...?"

"You have the word 'ridiculous' on your back." Lewyn stepped to the side so he could point to it for emphasis. "It's beautifully embroidered, do not get me wrong, but…"

"I… huh?" Sigurd stared for a very long moment before he reached back and felt for the embroidery. "There... is something. But who would... oh, gods damn it!" He whirled on our group, but we'd already scattered. "Alicia!" Instinctively, I slowed, but Chulainn took my hand so we could keep on running.

On and on we ran, until we had made several dizzying turns and found a spot near the gardens to catch our breath. It was only then I saw Chulainn and I hadn't run alone; Quan and Deirdre had joined us, and Quan was still in the best of moods.

"Ah, that was good fun!" he cheered, still chuckling. The cheer faltered, though, when he saw how out of breath Deirdre was. "Are you well?" He gently supported her back and Deirdre leaned into him. "Perhaps I should've carried you during the mad dash."

"Oh, but it was great fun running with everyone!" Deirdre protested, beaming. I worried at how faint she looked. "I had always seen children racing off after a prank before, but never got to experience it!"

"Well, I can't fault you for that." Though he still looked worried, he softened before long. "Anyway, I think we can call that a very successful prank!" He used his free hand to pat my head, and the bubbly feeling returned, so I could only muffle a laugh. "And it looks like it gave Lykos a well-deserved laugh too. He's been busy pursuing investigations and trying to figure out how to placate Grannvale."

"He already executed Clement. What else could Grannvale want?"

"Depends. If we're lucky, we can stop it here, but it'll take quite a bit of diplomatic magic to manage it. Per Grannvale's laws, Chalphy and Velthomer can make individual demands." Oh, that was simply fantastic. I suppose I needed to write a second letter to Arvis, then. "But ruining Clement as you two did might help." Quan's grin turned sly as he focused on Chulainn. "Which reminds me. I want to pick your brain a little about replicating the feat with Chagall, Chulainn." He said it in the most cheerful of tones, and Deirdre looked a little hopeful. "His reputation is already low thanks to what you did before, but I'm hoping to make it fall even further so we can force him to the negotiation table more quickly." But Chulainn stiffened slightly and that screamed everything. So, I...

"Actually, Quan, I should probably find a place to hide, yes?" I asked, smiling a little sheepishly. Let's keep the focus on something fun and cheerful for now. "He figured it out quickly, so I imagine he's looking for me."

"That's true," Quan admitted easily, his cheer easing into something less calculating. Deirdre's little giggle told me she didn't mind the subject change either. "In which case, Deirdre and I had best... actually, Deirdre, you need to hide too. She might've done the embroidery, but you're the one who picked the shirt."

"You were the one who got it for me."

"He doesn't know that yet. I plan on revealing it for a grand misdirection." He glanced again at Deirdre and nodded. "But first, Deirdre, you're entirely too pale. Let me get you somewhere you can hide and rest, so Alicia's not too busy fretting over you to give the game away too soon."

Though Deirdre made a face at the fussing, she didn't protest. Chulainn and I saw them off before ducking into the gardens and meandering about. We didn't have a specific direction; the gardens weren't that extensive. But it would muddle anyone's attempts to follow us. I think. Truthfully, I was following Chulainn since despite having spent most of my life hiding, I didn't actually know how to hide well on my own.

"We should be fine for now," Chulainn murmured after a moment, glancing around. He focused briefly on something, but didn't pay it mind for long. "You don't usually go outside unless you're foraging or watching the lessons, so he won't think to look for you here for a time."

"You sound like you have experience in hiding," I teased, smiling up at him. He simply shrugged and I muffled a laugh. "Well, what do you think?"

"Of?"

"It was my first prank." I didn't even know why I was asking. Did my feelings mean I wanted his praise specifically? That made little sense. "It's not as grand as what others have pulled, of course, but..."

"But it suited you. It's subtle, and does no harm. The target was someone who would react well, and gives very little thought to a potential loss of dignity." His smile was faint, but boyish. "And it provided a great deal of laughter in exchange for very little mayhem. So, I think it suited someone who is always worrying so much about others." His smile grew. "It was a good prank."

"I'm glad you approve." Ah, these feelings were troublesome. Something as simple as that made me want to giggle and laugh again. Did Cigyun feel this way around Prince Kurth? "I'm not sure I'll pull a second, though."

"Why not? If it's ideas you lack, I have a few."

"Oh, you'll help me?" I beamed and he blinked a few times in surprise. "Well, perhaps I'll consider it then." Was this what the book meant by 'butterflies in your stomach'? Though I felt so light and jittery that perhaps I had 'butterflies' in my blood instead of fire. "Should I ask Dew?"

"I think Dew's pranks cause a little too much mayhem for you. He delights in the chaos."

"Is it truly so bad?" I had never actually seen one of his pranks; I had only ever heard of them.

"They can be, but he prefers to not target you, or give you additional work." His smile took a distinct, teasing warmth. "Though I suppose your penchant for avoiding crowds is also why you only hear of them. Dew's pranks are all about efficiency. The maximum number of victims for the lowest amount of work and materials." I suppose that made sense. "With that said, I'm sure he'd sulk if he wasn't asked to help."

"You think so?" I hadn't actually planned on pulling a prank again, but now I was wondering if I should. "Maybe when this has finally settled and we're back at Evans. Hopefully, this will all end soon and-" Chulainn suddenly wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close. It took a couple of blinks to figure out why; King Jamke had suddenly rounded the corner. I hadn't seen him thanks to one of the statues dotting the gardens. "Ah, good morning?" This was awkward.

"Good morning?" King Jamke replied, looking as awkwardly surprised as I felt. It took him a second before continuing. "Was I out here longer than I thought? I thought Chulainn was still teaching."

"Usually, we would be handling cooldown exercises now," Chulainn reassured, letting go of me to make sure I had my balance. I smiled at him in quiet reassurance. "However, Quan staged a kidnapping, and that took priority."

"He did what now?"

"I… ah… embroidered the word 'ridiculous' on one of Sigurd's shirts as a prank?" I admitted sheepishly. He stared like I'd developed spots. "Deirdre made sure he wore it today, so Quan wanted me to see?"

"And, since it's Quan, he literally carried you off," King Jamke summarized, sounding completely and utterly exasperated. I could only shrug. "Is that why I've seen so many servants desperately trying to hold back laughter?"

"It could be. You can ask the others later. Lex has even crafted a silly tale about it." However, I had another concern. "But we're not the only ones who aren't following our usual routine." Normally, he'd be finishing up his training at this hour, not hiding in the gardens. "Is all well?"

"It's little to worry about." So he said, but I frowned when I noticed the bags under his eyes and how pale he was. He hadn't slept last night; he might not have for a few days. "...Er..."

"Do you need a medicine for sleep again?"

"I'd ask if this perception thing was something related to Holy Blood, but this seems to be more of a 'you' thing." Now what did he mean by that? "It really is nothing, though. Just some troubling thoughts."

"What about?"

"It's simply..." He hesitated before answering. "I can't help but notice the similarities between what has happened here and what happened in Verdane." Strange, I hadn't heard of anything new related to our suspicions that one of Sandima's people was involved with Chagall. So, what did he mean? "Former allied country attacks. Sigurd fends off the initial assault and invades to determine the truth of what is going on. Sigurd accidentally conquers the majority of said country because the lords are corrupt, idiots, or both." He rattled it off lightly, but I could find nothing 'light' about it. In fact, when he put it like that, it was... "It hit me after Clement was executed. It's the same song, just a slightly different verse."

"No wonder your thoughts are troubled." I hadn't thought about it, but now that he pointed it out, it was suspicious. It was more than suspicious. Yet... "I can't imagine Sigurd orchestrating such a song."

"Neither can I. Anyone else, I'd have to consider it. But him? Never." He crossed his arms and tapped his finger against his elbow. "He's the knight in shining armor, but at the same time, he's the first to say he's a strong warrior and poor administrator. Once everything is said and done, he'll give what aid he can, but he'd prefer to keep his involvement minimal as others are better suited to the role." Yes, that was what Sigurd preferred. He wanted to protect and support the people, not rule them. It was an interesting outlook for the heir of a powerful dukedom. "So, when people are hurt, he does what he does best. He rides out to protect them, diving deeper and deeper into turmoil, and kills the source of their woes. Then he lingers, because his sense of responsibility will not let him abandon anyone, especially when things are so uncertain."

"Thus we have his accidental conquests, with the best of intentions." Sigurd didn't want to rule anyone. But to protect the people, he killed their lords and stayed to govern until things were stable. It was conquering for reasons few could ever fault, reasons people would adore him for. I remembered thinking something similar in Verdane, where if I hadn't lived through it, I would've thought it nothing but propaganda. "And this has happened twice now."

"Exactly. And I can't help but find it unnerving. It..." He trailed off, struggling to word the thoughts that had kept him awake. "It's like someone knew. Someone knew about the corruption festering within both countries and tricked them into doing something that would catch Sigurd's attention. Someone knew Sigurd wouldn't hold back once he started, and end up killing every last one of them. But..." He glanced awkwardly at Chulainn, who listened with his usual calm attentiveness, and I caught the thread from there.

It didn't match. His worries made terrifying sense, and the scenario was unnerving, but that wasn't what held him by the throat. It was that it didn't match. It didn't match our current theory for what was going on in Jugdral. There was no reason for the Loptrians to deal with the corruption within each country, as such corruption would make their assumed goal of 'vengeance' so much easier.

So, we only had a handful of conclusions. One was this was all coincidence; while this would be best for peace of mind, given the circumstances, it was too dangerous to assume. Another was the Loptrians were so obsessed with vengeance that they would use Sigurd's sense of justice to ensure the war would inflict a great deal of chaos and destruction, and lose an easy advantage. While this would marry the two theories well enough, it didn't sit right. I still remembered what Sandima had said and his words had implied Sigurd's involvement hadn't been in his plans. One could still argue they replicated the feat in Agustria after seeing him in Verdane, but it felt less likely. Whatever was going on was methodical and precise, especially if they were involved with Isaach like we feared. This was something which had been brewing for years. Would someone change their plans so abruptly? I didn't think so; people who made such plans were too afraid to change due to fear, arrogance, and a need for control.

Thus, the most likely conclusion was the Loptrians weren't involved at all. Another party was using Sigurd to purge the corrupt nobles of other nations. And that was terrifying, because we did not know why someone would do this. We did not know if they were an ally of the Loptrians. We didn't know anything.

"I can see why your thoughts would be troubled," I repeated, because there was nothing else to say. Worse, there was nothing else we could do. We'd made our choices, the best that we could, and we would have to live with the consequences. I could only hope we were overthinking things. "It is not an easy tangle to unravel."

"No, it's not," King Jamke sighed, shaking his head. Still, he smiled faintly. "But perhaps I should have said something sooner. I feel a little better."

"I'm glad." It wasn't a lie. Even if I didn't like him, I didn't want him to be in pain. "Perhaps you should try to rest."

"Maybe I should. At least until Dew pulls something. Again." He stepped around Chulainn and me, waving. "I'll see you later, Lady Alicia, Chulainn."

"Sleep well, King Jamke." I waited until he was out of sight before sighing heavily. I could almost hate the man for ruining my good mood, but I had been the one to ask, so I had only myself to blame. "Chulainn?" Thus, the only thing I could do was move forward. "What do you think?"

"About?" he asked in return. He waited for an answer, but I remained silent. After all, it was obvious. He was just avoiding the question. "It's hard to say."

"Oh?" I replied, turning to face him. "Why is that?"

"The best manipulators are those who can adapt quickly and plan around people's personalities. I know too little about what all happened in Verdane to make a judgment, but here, I can see a mastermind. Mostly." He reached over to fuss with one of the flowers, a very pretty lily. "Chagall's hatred and jealousy of Eldigan isn't secret, and he is prone to emotional outbursts. It wouldn't be hard to convince him to imprison Eldigan and attack Nordion. Boldor, Ellidiot, and Macbeth would all be easy to predict from there, based on past behavior. It's Clement who reacted strangely."

"That is true. Larisa mentioned how if anyone besides Cassian had told her, she'd think they were lying." Did someone put the idea in his head? Why? "So..." Someone calling my name in the distance distracted me and it took me a moment to realize who it was: Sigurd. "Is… is he still looking for me?"

"Of course." He said it like it was obvious. "Usually, when a little sister pulls a prank on her older brother, the brother is obligated to return the favor."

"Oh." We'd… we'd ignore the metaphor for right now. "I need a better hiding spot, then."

"Given how long it's been, your rooms might be safe until he makes a second round."

"Is that so?" I suppose it made some sense. My rooms would've been one of the first places he checked, since I had my workshop set up there. "Then let's head there."

Thankfully, it didn't take us long at all to slip out of the gardens and make it to my room. The door was partially open, a clear sign someone had swung by in a hurry, but whoever it was had made sure to disturb anything within. It was just as I had left it, including the medicines I had steeping in the workshop. There was, however, one thing unusual. Sitting outside my window, a beautiful falcon with pure white feathers waited patiently. When I opened it, it flew gracefully inside, circling the room once before landing on the table and holding out its leg, revealing a small note tied carefully.

"This is one of Prince Kurth's, isn't it?" Chulainn asked, untying the message for me. He then held out his hand to the falcon and it happily hopped onto it so Chulainn could lift it and more easily give it pets and scratches. "The last one had just as fine of feathers, at least."

"Yes, I think so," I whispered, unrolling the note. The message was simple and unsigned, with writing I knew very well by now: 'Are you all right?' "Yes, it's his. He didn't need to waste the ink for a single question." Yet I couldn't keep the smile off my face. Even if he didn't need to, it was just like him to do so and I felt… I wasn't sure how to describe the feeling bubbling in my chest. 'Relief' and 'gratitude' might be closest, and it was because of the question. He did not ask if I was 'safe'; he asked if I was 'all right'. For most, such a difference would be minimal, but to me, who had endured so much in the name of 'safety'... it was enough of a difference to make me appreciate the word choice. "He's so impatient." After all, I'd already sent off letters to him and Arvis about what had happened here.

"I imagine, given the rumors, he wanted to get to the heart of it first instead of simply waiting and relying on spies." He smiled faintly as the falcon hopped onto his shoulder to preen his hair. "Messengers will take a while. We're on the other side of the continent."

"That's true." I quickly tore a small piece of paper and jotted down my reply: 'I am fine, and safe. There is a longer letter on the way with more details.' I hesitated before adding a little more. 'Promise to not be mad?' After all, the letter also included my rather reckless decision to save Ares. "That should do." I folded the note and came over to tie it to the falcon's leg. It was made difficult by how the falcon did not want to leave Chulainn alone. "Do you think it should rest a little longer before flying off?"

"He'll be fine, just needs a quick hunt." Chulainn shifted the falcon a little closer to make it easier for me. "This breed is known for its stamina and needs relatively little food before flying great distances. That's why they're used as messengers."

"I'll take your word for it." I finished tying it and hesitantly ran the back of my finger over its head. Its feathers were surprisingly soft. "Do keep safe, mister falcon." I stepped back quickly, feeling a little silly. "Now then, what should I-?"

"Found you!" Just then, the door burst open, and I whirled to see Sigurd was the culprit. At first, I was terrified he was mad, but soon I realized he was struggling to keep from laughing. "I can't believe you actually did that!" he 'complained', rushing over and picking me up. I yelped and flailed, and Chulainn, the traitor, stayed back and continued petting the falcon with a faint smile on his face. "Just for that, you're accompanying me for the rest of the day."

"Sigurd, I have work!" I tried to protest, not really sure how to react. I did, however, notice he'd changed his shirt. "There's medicines to make, and I'm teaching later!"

"Should've thought of that before you pranked me!"

"I embroidered it before you marched to Heirhein! You were supposed to find it while away!"

"Doesn't matter!"

"Sigurd!"

He actually carried me for the rest of the day! I felt so bad at missing the lessons, but thankfully, my students didn't mind. Though I wasn't sure I appreciated them laughing themselves silly at just why I had to cancel.

---

"I can't believe how well this tea works. The ingredients are so basic!" Cassian was an interesting person. On the surface, he honestly looked like a ghost. His eyes were a very pale blue, and his hair color was the same pale, pale blonde as Larisa's. And when he spoke to most people, he was as blunt and no-nonsense as his writing. But when he and I talked about medicines, he was as excitable as a child. "Is it the chaldra seed?" he asked, all-but-bouncing. He and I were in his infirmary, exchanging knowledge and notes now that he no longer had to feign illness. "No, wait, that's good for soothing heart palpitations. Necessary to counteract the physiological response to the surge of energy."

"The atrel leaves serve as the amplifying and stabilizing compound," I explained, barely muffling a laugh. I had only learned this after Clement's execution, but the others had, in fact, made contact with Cassian while the three of us were stuck in the castle. Azelle actually handled the negotiations, securing Cassian's insider information to provide Dew with knowledge of every secret passage in Mackily's castle. In exchange, he would get some of my medicinal recipes, including my energy-boost tea. What I found the most ridiculous was the fact that I would've gladly just given him the recipes. Then again, I had a feeling that was exactly why Azelle had used them as the bargaining chip. "Most medicines and teas have replaced them for other compounds, but nothing works better in this particular recipe. Believe me; I've tried."

"Right, right, atrel leaves were used as such in the past. Nowadays, they're mostly used in stomach medicines." He nodded a few times to himself before clapping. "Right, before I forget." He found a packet of notes and handed them to me. "Thank you for lending these to me. I made a copy right away."

"It's certainly no trouble." I ran a hand over the notes, feeling a little sad. This was my copy of Thanasis's notes. "I thought you might like them. They're brilliant."

"Makes me wish I'd traveled to Nordion myself to learn from him. My own teacher talked about how skilled he was, but I didn't think anyone was worth traveling for." He sighed and shrugged. "Well, nothing for it. We can't bring back the dead. But we can keep his work going, and I've already used a couple of his recipes. One of the knights is allergic to the usual disinfectant, but his uses entirely different ingredients."

"You've already used them?" I frowned a little, though I hid it by tucking the notes carefully into my bag. Considering I had lent him these only two days ago, and it was a thick packet… "Is this why you started praising the energy-boost tea?"

"Maybe." Oh dear, that wasn't good. "Anyway, you'd wanted to talk more about how the convalescent room was set up, right?"

"I did, but perhaps we ought to focus on your own health."

"I'm a healer and I'm perfectly qualified to take assessment of my own health."

"As a healer, I know 'assessment' and 'treatment' are two different things." I raised a brow and he grinned without a shred of guilt. "But I suppose I will ignore it for now. I was thinking about what to do when we return to Evans, and truthfully wondered if making an entire building would work better. Many of my patients were townsfolk, so…"

"Now that's a thought…" He found a piece of paper and started sketching out something. "Here, I'll show you the initial blueprint for the single room and we can see how it can be expanded."

We went back and forth on the topic for a while, debating the size of the rooms, the layout, and the hallways. Though we had to pause our discussion while Cassian found his book on building regulations, because he apparently had one. It wasn't the sort of thing I ever had to worry about before, but it did change a few of the half-plans to make things easier in case of fire or some sort of structural collapse.

Was it silly to make these plans with so much still up in the air? It absolutely was. But Cassian and I had fun with it, so I didn't think it was a 'bad' silly.

"Hey, Cassian, do you have any more headache medicine?" Those words heralded the arrival of Lykos, and I could only stare at how haggard he looked. "I used the last of what you gave me," he explained, rubbing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. It took him a second to realize I was here. "Oh, Lady Alicia. Good afternoon."

"Lykos, I think your headache will only go away with proper rest," I replied, not bothering for a proper greeting. I took note of how pale he was, the bags under his eyes, and how he almost seemed to sway as he stood. "When did you last sleep?"

"Last night."

"And how long was it for? Was it thirty minutes when you nodded off over papers?"

"Got it in one," Cassian sighed, standing and heading to his medicine making station. I noticed he already had a headache remedy mostly prepared. "Do I need to tell Iris she needs to seduce you away from your work or something, Lykos? I know Larisa scolded you earlier for not going home since Clement died."

"There's too much to do," Lykos protested, shaking his head. Then he had to close his eyes to ward off dizziness. "I'm still investigating, training the knights, handling government since there's no heir, warding off protests from the nobles, drafting a letter to Grannvale's King Azmur-"

"And if you die from exhaustion, you're going to get none of it done." He finished the remedy, quickly partitioned off enough for two pills, and handed it to Lykos. Lykos knocked them back without even water, and I went to Cassian's tea making station to make tea. It was dangerous to take pills dry. "If you make Iris a widow, I'm researching necromancy to kill you again."

"Yes, yes, no one messes with your 'baby sister'."

"Of course. We're not related by blood, but she is my adorable little sister and not even my best friend is allowed to make her cry." He glanced at me curiously, but I waved him off as I looked over the herbs he had and quickly mixed something up. I couldn't give him sleep medicine without consent, but there was nothing that said I couldn't give him a relaxing tea. "To say nothing of the havoc you're doing on your body. Do I need to conspire with the staff to lock you out of your office? You know I will."

"There's-"

"I should do that anyway. Bind you to your bed. It'll be a great way to teach your knights how to properly tie knots."

"Don't teach my knights something like that."

"Why not? Knots are useful. And learning how to properly secure a body is important. Never know when they'll need to use the stretchers."

"Cassian, you are being an idi-"

"Lykos, sit down and drink some tea," I interrupted, pouring some for all three of us. It honestly should steep longer, but if I didn't offer it now, I had a feeling he wouldn't drink it. "If you cannot sleep, you should at least take a break."

"Surely you're not going to refuse when she made the tea mix especially for us, right~?" Cassian added, bright grin belying the threat hiding in the words. I had a feeling if Lykos tried, Cassian was pinning him. "So come on and sit down. Tell us how the knights are doing. Isn't Lady Alicia's Chulainn teaching them at the moment?"

"He's not mine. He's my guard, and friend." But it was true Chulainn was teaching the knights today. During the last visit, some of the bolder knights asked for a lesson, after hearing he was my personal guard, and as usual, Chulainn couldn't say 'no' to their earnest sincerity. "Perhaps Alexius and Ulysses will believe me when I tell them they simply have to ask. They've been wanting to, but always hold back."

"The stoic ones are always weak to earnestness. It's great fun! But, Lykos?"

"I… oh, very well," Lykos sighed, giving in. He half-fell into his chair and sipped the tea. "But yes, he is. He's very good at it."

"He's been teaching the boys since he joined, more or less," I explained, muffling a laugh. Cassian drank some of the tea, and caught my eye to nod approvingly; he recognized the herbs. "Even I can see the improvement, and I know nothing about combat." Though, I had a feeling Chulainn wasn't showing the knights here the more 'pragmatic' tricks he taught the boys and Lachesis. He hadn't for the Nordion squires.

"I wonder who trained him. They clearly had to be skilled." He sipped his tea, before giving me a strange look. "Question, though. Was he the one sneaking in while you three were here?"

"Why would you ask?"

"Because he's skilled, he's perceptive, and he's clearly devoted to his task. The only explanation I have for why he didn't just kill the guards was that he had a way to sneak in." Well, how to respond? I couldn't deny it without lying, and confirming seemed ill-advised. "Grateful as I am, I'd like his insights on how to improve our patrols."

"You should ask him directly then." I smiled serenely. "Trapped as I was, I don't know everything he did."

"Fine, fine..." He sighed heavily. "Then again, maybe he didn't. If he did, then wouldn't he just kill Clement and be done with it?" No, Chulainn and Deirdre decided ruining Clement was preferable to simple killing. "He seems like the efficient sort."

"Efficiency is defined by the end-goal. Killing Clement was never one of our goals." I needed to change the subject for my own awkwardness, and while thinking of topics, I remembered a question I'd had before. "Say, while we're on the subject..." I didn't have the right to ask this, but at the same time… "From what I understand, Clement's plan was very… atypical of him." Cassian scowled at the reminder. "So, I cannot help but wonder if someone else gave him the idea." That didn't absolve Clement of blame, of course. He still chose to implement it. But the more I thought about it, the stranger it was. Clement was known for caution and neutrality. Someone like that usually wouldn't make a bold plan like kidnapping and drugging a high-ranked noble from another country. And the haphazard way the plan was carried out really made it apparent he didn't know what he was doing. "Did he meet with anyone strange recently?"

"No strange visitors at the castle, at least," Cassian answered easily. In fact, he sounded so certain of it that I wondered if I was being silly even thinking this. "Clement turned into a recluse after his wife died. Few ever came to visit if there wasn't official business."

"I see," I murmured, as if that didn't make this seem more suspicious. But it did. "Lykos? Did you hear anything?"

"Actually, yes," Lykos answered slowly, tapping the handle of his mug as he thought. Cassian frowned at him, but Lykos waved a hand. "Crius gave me an odd report the day after we heard Lord Eldigan had been imprisoned. He was one of Clement's personal knights, Lady Alicia." This explained why I didn't know the name. The last I had heard, his two knights were imprisoned, but would be released before long since, per Agustria's laws, a knight was not at fault for following a lord's orders. It was a strange thing to me, but I chose against judgment. "While out on a market inspection, a cloaked man spoke with Clement about something. He didn't know what, but the man made him uneasy and Clement was noticeably pale after the conversation, so he decided to report it just in case."

"He met a cloaked man?" Unbidden, I thought of the unnerving man and his daughter from Nordion, but I pushed the thought aside. 'Cloaked man' was a common descriptor. There was no reason to suspect it was the same one. "Was there anything unusual?"

"No. He couldn't even fully describe why the man made him so uneasy, even before Clement paled." He frowned and drummed his fingers against the table. "I should-"

"You should be taking a break or, rather, continuing." Ah, I shouldn't have brought it up. Now I gave him even more work. "So, since Alexius refuses to tell me, how close is he to his goal?"

"With the bonus that came from all this nonsense, and the extra pay Lord Sigurd insists on giving him and Ulysses, he's actually looking at jewelers."

Talk sharply shifted to such lighthearted matters, with Cassian sharing some stories about Lykos and Iris for my amusement and Lykos's embarrassment. From there, we chatted about how the knights were adjusting to everything, while sharing some amusing anecdotes about the trouble soldiers and knights could get into, particularly when they were bored. Before long, though, the conversation died for one main reason: Lykos fell asleep in his chair.

As soon as it became clear Lykos was not going to wake any time soon, Cassian pulled a blanket out from one of his cabinets and draped it over him. "So, did you spike his cup?" he asked me, in a lighthearted manner which implied he didn't actually think I did. "Or was he even more exhausted than I feared?"

"I would never spike a tea," I replied, doing my best to sound both haughty and playful. I finished my tea and stood so I could clean. "With that said, you know the herbs I used. I figured between the break and the relaxing tea, his body would finally give in to the exhaustion."

"Momentum is a powerful thing." He adjusted the blanket and then turned to help me clean up. "I'll escort you to the training yards. Can we meet again next week? I've a feeling I need to keep a close eye on him for a few days."

"I would be happy to." I glanced at Lykos, dead to the world. Asleep, he looked even more haggard. "Send for me sooner if you need help."

"I will."

Admittedly, I was worried about leaving Lykos alone while he was asleep, but Cassian sent for a maid to keep an eye on him while he escorted me. To my surprise, the maid ended up being Penelope and we happily talked outside the infirmary for a few minutes while Cassian finished tidying up and ensuring everything was secured. From there, he escorted me to the training yards, where I was met with happy hellos and disappointed groans since Chulainn ended the lesson soon after. I lingered long enough for Chulainn to take a quick wash and to treat any bruises, and then Chulainn and I left the castle and returned to the villa. When we arrived, there was a surprising amount of activity. At first, I feared there had been some sort of message or even an attack, because why else would there be so many people crowding the courtyard, but I soon had proof that was not the case at all.

"Alicia!" Specifically, Shannan burst out from the gathering crowd to give me a hug disguised as a tackle; I would've fallen if Chulainn hadn't supported my back. "Hi~!" he greeted, beaming up at me. I smiled back and ruffled his hair, even as I wondered what he was doing here. "Since everyone is staying here in Mackily and all the patients in Nordion are stable, Edain decided she would join and said I could come with her!" Ah, so this was why. Everyone had come out to greet them. But did I forget they were on their way? Surely, someone would've told me if- " She decided it should be a surprise." Then I didn't forget. No one knew.

"You must've greatly surprised everyone," I replied, looking around to see if I could find Edain. It wasn't hard; she was happily chatting with Sigurd about something in the center of the madness. Seeing her reminded me of the note she'd left me, when she'd first given me my emergency pouch. Perhaps I could… ah, but that would be for later. "Did Altena come with you?"

"Thought about it, but Grahnye said it would be easier to protect her in Nordion, especially since the Cross Knights returned." They had? That was… actually, after a bit of thought, it wasn't surprising. Anphony was no longer enemy territory, so the Cross Knights could easily pass through to avoid Agusty all together. "Arden decided to remain in Nordion to continue shoring up the defenses, but Edain claimed the message was too important to be anything but verbal when telling everyone she was leaving."

"It sounds like she came up with a lot of plausible excuses to justify her mischief."

"She's the best at it! I want her to teach me."

"Aren't you learning that from Dew?"

"No, Dew's the best at coming up with mischief, but he never has reasonable justifications for it. He just does it."

"Hmm... this seems like a conversation to have with your aunt."

"Aw, but she'll say 'no'."

"So, you need to come up with a reason for it," Chulainn informed him, sounding perfectly serious. His slight smile, however, hinted he was having fun. "Ah, I have one. It'll be good practice for diplomacy."

"Chulainn, don't teach him that!" I scolded, shaking my head. Shannan, however, laughed in delight. "How would it be good for diplomacy anyway?"

"Half of diplomacy is coming up with reasonable justifications for your own actions and wants, and the other half is finding ways to tear apart the other party's actions and wants." Someone caught his eye and he nodded to them. "Lewyn, what brings you over here?"

"Mostly to greet our missing healer," Lewyn answered, joining us. Shannan immediately hid behind me, barely peeking out to frown at him. "Ah, but this young one must be the Shannan I've heard so much about."

"Yes, this is Shannan," I confirmed, resting a reassuring hand on Shannan's head. He leaned more into me. "Shannan, this is Lewyn. He joined in Anphony, along with Silvia and Beowolf." He gripped my skirt tightly, a quiet show of unease. The best way to solve this would be... "Lewyn, are either near?"

"Beowolf is out on patrol with Midir and Naoise." Oh, that was surprising. "As for Silvia..." He tilted his head before turning and waving. "Silvia, over here!" Did... did he pick her voice out from the crowd or something? He hadn't even looked before calling out, but Silvia popped out of the crowd before long and skipped over. "You should meet Shannan."

"Aw, so this is Ayra's cute little nephew that she brags about?" Silvia cooed, crouching so she could better look Shannan in the eye. He hid more behind me, though, still uncertain about the newcomers. "It's very nice to meet you. I'll be joining you all in Alicia's lessons soon, so I hope you'll help me out." Silvia had wanted a little more time to adjust to the army before joining.

"Oh, you are?" Shannan asked, brightening. He even took a tentative step out, though he kept himself hidden. "You'll like them! They're really fun!"

"I can't wait, then~!"

"You're stealing all his attention, Silvia," Lewyn joked, grinning. He kindly offered his hand to Shannan, and softened his smile when Shannan hesitated. "And here I was hoping to get your opinion on a song I'm writing. It's called 'Eiclia'."

"Eiclia?" Shannan repeated, tilting his head. However, a terrible feeling settled in my heart because I remembered the name. Wasn't this the flower he...? "What is that?"

"It's a flower native to Silesse that's dubbed the 'Fire's Rose'." He was back to grinning and that terrible feeling grew. "It's perfect for a song about Alicia, no?"

"Lewyn, I thought you were joking!" I protested, even as Shannan's eyes went wide with sparkling joy. This was… this was the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me! "Joking!"

"Why would I ever joke about songs?" Lewyn gasped melodramatically, even pretending to grow faint. This… this man…! "It's been a big hit so far."

"What do you mean 'so far'?" He… he hadn't…! "Lewyn, have you performed this already?"

"Why, yes, indeed~!" He had the brightest grin on his face, perfectly pleased with himself. I could only stare. "As I predicted, it's quite popular!"

I had no reply. I couldn't reply. But it didn't matter, because Shannan leapt for Lewyn to badger him about the song. I lingered long enough to not make it obvious I was running and then fled, careful to keep my expression calm and my demeanor serene. Chulainn helped by leading me down lesser used halls so no one could stop us before we made it to the sanctuary that was my room. Once there, I had the overwhelming urge to hide again, but settled for sagging into my chair and hiding my face in my arms. This was even worse than me realizing everyone knew what I felt about Chulainn except me.

"Er… Alicia, are you here?" But clearly, the situation itself could still worsen. In what felt like a handful of breaths, Lewyn's awkward voice filtered the closed door, followed by a knock. "Can I come in?" he asked, quieter than I'd ever heard. Though truthfully, I wanted to crawl under my bed or something, I pushed myself up to sit properly and nodded to Chulainn for him to open the door. I didn't feel like standing. "Ah, thank you." Lewyn, meanwhile, looked strangely hesitant as he stepped inside and Chulainn closed the door behind him. "Um…" He slowly came over and knelt in front of my chair so he could look up at me. "Does it upset you that much?"

"Pardon?" I asked, not certain what he was asking. My head was still a mess trying to sort through everything. "What do you...?"

"The song. Does it upset you?" He stared up at me, earnest worry plain on his face. "I'll stop if you want. While I think you deserve a song, good intentions mean nothing if my actions bring you pain and worry."

"You…" How had he known? I was certain I'd been calm when I left. Part of me wanted to ask, but that would only divert the topic away, and that would be rude. So, how to respond? How to answer? "It… does not upset me, exactly." No, that wasn't the feeling. There was no pain or frustration or sorrow. It was just… "It's embarrassing. I do not know why you think I'm a good topic for a song." Yes, if I thought of the song itself, I was only embarrassed. "The only reason I know is because of the rumors I heavily dislike."

"That's not why I want to write the song. That's just why I thought it would be popular." He smiled sincerely, the worry fading a little. "As for why I think you are a brilliant subject, it's… well, it can be summed up by you being you. Your idealism, your skill, your insistence on doing all you can despite knowing the world is messed up…" His smile became a little shy. "I can't help but admire it. So, a song."

"Is that so?" That honestly confused me more. By my eyes, I was a simple, ordinary fool. But I could tell he truly believed it. Honestly, that was the worst part. So, I only had one reply. "It'll be the first and last song you write of me." I leaned down so I could frown at him to better convey how serious I was. "You must also write songs about others in this very crazy group, and since one of your earlier excuses was to dispel the most annoying of the rumors involving me, you will start with Sigurd and Deirdre."

"Eh?" He blinked a few times, trying to decide if I was serious. When he realized I was, though, he chuckled and smiled brightly. "Of course. It would be my honor."

"And come to me when your hands start hurting after a performance." I straightened and leaned against the back of my chair. "I've a few balms that'll help."

"But they're minor, so I…" He tried to play it off, but laughed nervously when I frowned again. "Er… I mean… of course. Happily."

"That's what I thought." I sighed and waved him away. "I fear I'm a little tired, Lewyn, so..."

"Right, you had just gotten back." He stood and bowed elegantly. In fact, it was so elegant that I couldn't help but think he'd practiced since he was young. "Then I shall take my leave."

"I look forward to the song about them." I waited until he left, with a skip to his step, before I focused on Chulainn. "Did I truly look that upset?" I had thought I was... was I losing my ability to recognize my own calm?

"No, most wouldn't have been able to tell, even among those who know you well," Chulainn replied, closing the door. He then leaned against it, his slight frown screaming how strange he found this. "I only caught it because I was right next to you and could see the slight difference. I'm not sure how he guessed, considering he hasn't been here that long."

"Maybe Shannan said something?" I suggested. That was the only explanation I had, but it made me wince. He'd seemed so happy at the idea. "I can't imagine it was anyone else. No one was near, and there wasn't enough time for him to ask." At least, there wasn't unless I'd been hiding here longer than I thought.

"It could also be that he's better at reading people than I first thought." That was also plausible. "But I suppose that's a discussion to be shelved. I'm more curious about this song he's writing." He grinned boyishly at me, and I could only sigh in response. "Perhaps you can learn it and keep your promise to me."

"I'm not singing about myself." Everyone in this army was ridiculous. "But maybe you and Lewyn should duet."

"Absolutely not." His answer was quick and dry. "If I'm going to sing, I'd rather it only be for you." The words were… they were said with the same simple honesty he said anything, but they seemed heavier than usual. "Or… the children…" It didn't help that he awkwardly tacked that on the end, like an afterthought to try and lighten the statement. But, then again, it could be my feelings talking.

So, I smiled. "Well, aren't I lucky? I love your songs." I pushed myself up and turned away to hide how giddy I felt. "Let's see… we're low on hangover remedies; I should make some more."

The rest of the day was spent in the simple quiet I enjoyed. It would be nice if such days could last forever.

---

Usually, I didn't leave in the middle of Chulainn's lessons. Ignoring how he was my guard, I enjoyed spending that time with everyone. The only time I willingly left was when I had a patient. Usually, Chulainn would stop the lesson to accompany me, but today, he didn't. Instead, Ulysses kindly escorted me to my infirmary, thus leaving Alexius to 'subtly' watch the lesson alone. Tomorrow, if one of them didn't ask, I was just going to push them into it. I was getting tired of watching them fail to be subtle. Was this what Chulainn felt like when Lachesis poorly spied on Deirdre and me back in Evans?

I supposed it didn't matter. As it was, I had a patient: Beowolf, the mercenary Sigurd hired in Anphony. I had first met him a few days after moving to the villa, because he had needed hangover medicine. And there had barely been a day since that he hadn't needed some. Last time, I'd even given him a few days worth just to save time, and here he was again, sitting patiently at my table as I prepared more medicines for him.

"Here you are," I murmured, setting the medicine in front of him. He blinked a few times at them, frowning. "I apologize for the wait."

"It's fine," he dismissed, downing the hangover remedy with ease. He then focused on the other vials I'd set in front of him. "These are new."

"One is medicine for your liver. The other is for your stomach." He had refused even my standard 'everyone gets a baseline checkup', so I didn't know what health problems he had, if any. But given the amount he had been drinking recently… "They're good preventatives." And if he had already damaged his liver and gastrointestinal tract, they would keep things from worsening. "You'll want to take one of each in the morning."

"Oh?" He eyed them warily, even picking up a jar to inspect it. "And if I don't?"

"Then you don't." Why did I suddenly feel like he was testing me? "I can give you medical advice, but it's your own life and your own health. I have no right to force you to do anything." I crossed my arms and met his gaze. "Now, if you collapse while spewing blood, I will perform surgeries and restrict your diet, but that would be a life or death situation. If you insist on drinking yourself to death, I cannot stop you."

"Huh. You're a weird healer." He inspected the jar a while longer, before switching to the other to scrutinize. "Have to say I expected more of a lecture."

"I may wish to save everyone, but I refuse to force my views." Please tell me he hadn't been drinking this much to test me. Please. "However, excess alcohol consumption can lead to a plethora of health problems, so I would recommend the medicine."

"..." He chuckled suddenly. "Ha… easy to see how you caught the Hound's attention." To my surprise, he popped open one jar and took one of the pills immediately. "Hmm… nothing bitter, nothing strange. Certainly not like most poisons, if it is one."

"Pardon?"

"Healers have a very large knowledge of plants, and that always means they have the most comprehensive knowledge of poisons. Better than even assassins. Plenty of employers order theirs to poison mercenaries to get out of paying." He smiled slightly, like he thought it all amusing. "Figured you and Sigurd weren't like that, but habits die hard." He opened the other jar and took one of its pills too. "Apologies."

"I can't force you to trust me." Honestly, I was more irritated he'd experienced it in the past. "Do you need more hangover medicine? I've read people can build a resistance to it, and you ran out sooner than I expected."

"Nah, should be fine and, honestly, I'll taper off soon." So, would he go through withdrawal? I should research common symptoms. "It's just a send-off for my former team. The idiots all died in Anphony."

"Pardon?"

"We were the Free Knights, and I was the only one smart enough to switch sides." Then was he drowning his sorrows? "Habit of mine to drink when one dies."

"Perhaps you can drink with the others?" From what I understood, he usually drank alone. But if he drank with someone, then theoretically, they could help monitor and ensure he didn't drink too much? "I've heard of the antics of Sir Naoise, Sir Alec, and Sir Arden, but Sir Midir apparently has a high alcohol tolerance."

"That fusser?" He was surprised for all of a second. "That'll explain how he's always the one to wake me up at the tavern."

"Do you usually fall asleep after binge drinking?" I frowned, trying to remember my books. I hadn't read too much about alcohol or alcoholism. I always wanted to stay far away from it. But I did remember hearing some people drank to fall asleep. In fact, this was not an uncommon response to trauma. "Would you like a medicine to help you sleep?"

"Huh?" He blinked at me a few times. "Where did that...?" He frowned, trying to piece it together, before shaking his head. "Ah, you're thinking... nah, I'm fine. This sort of thing is normal. Yesterday's allies are tomorrow's enemies. It's the nature of the business."

"Even old aches are aches." Just because something was 'normal' did not mean it didn't hurt. "Please, keep it in mind."

"I will definitely keep in mind you are a very strange little lady." I wasn't that much shorter than him, though? "Anyway, surprised to not see the Hound with you."

"Chulainn has a name."

"Not uncommon for mercenaries to just call each other by epithets, little lady." I… well, I couldn't argue that. "Anyway, where is he?"

"He's outside teaching still. I made him take the morning off." He'd been unhappy about it, of course, but I had my reasons. "I'm having tea with Edain, you see." I'd meet him later at Sigurd's office; our usual morning meetings had been pushed to the afternoon since he devoted his mornings to helping Deirdre. Now that she was firmly in her third month, the nausea and dizziness had gotten so bad, she was often stuck abed until noon.

"That so?" He pushed himself up and rolled his shoulder. "Well, maybe I should see how Lachesis is doing, at least."

"Lachesis?"

"Yeah, Eldigan asked I'd keep an eye on her if all hell broke loose." He scoffed. "If he'd known that was a possibility, he should've stayed put."

"You know Lord Eldigan?" Let's just focus on that for now. I didn't like the implication of him purposely choosing to talk to Chagall despite being well aware of how poorly it could go for him.

"Yeah, we go way back. I was his primary informant in Anphony when he was investigating a few years ago." He shrugged it off like it was nothing. "Macbeth hadn't bought my loyalty yet, so I saw nothing wrong with telling him the shit I was seeing. Macbeth's always rubbed me the wrong way, but Voltz took the contract because it was too lucrative to refuse. After King Imuka cracked down, Eldigan and I would write to have an 'unofficial' eye on him."

"I see." I couldn't help but smile, and he tilted his head. "Well, if you want to catch her, she'll be there for a while longer. Even when Chulainn ends the lessons, it usually takes him a few tries to convince her she needs to stop."

"Oh, joy, she's as stubborn as her brother." He groaned, but gathered up the medicines. "Thanks for these, little lady."

"Before you leave, you should drink some water. You shouldn't take pills dry."

"Eh, it's never been a..." He trailed off when I frowned. "Er... right. Water. Will gladly have some."

"Do you want plain water or would you like some tea?"

"Water is fine."

"Then please, give me a moment."

Beowolf dutifully waited while I brought him over a glass, and he made sure to drain it before departing. I cleaned everything up and then let Ulysses escort me to Edain's room. He dropped me off with a slight smile and polite bow, and I made sure to smile back before knocking on the door and stepping inside.

"Ah, Alicia, good morning~!" Edain greeted me with a warm smile and warmer hug. "Sit, sit," she urged, taking my hand and leading me to the table she had decorated with fresh flowers that somehow complemented the colors of the tea set and pastries. "I arranged for a bit of everything for food."

"I can see that," I answered, taking one of the chairs. She already had the tea poured, and I noticed the smell. "You made an apple and cinnamon tea?"

"The only thing you'll admit to liking is apples and cinnamon." She giggled and sat down too. "You eat and drink everything with the same calm."

"I suppose." Food was still just 'food' to me. I could acknowledge if something was delicious, but nothing ever stood out enough to be a 'favorite'. "Maybe I should try everyone else's favorites."

"That's how Ethlyn picked the food for your birthday dinner." Ah, well, maybe we should try something else? I did remember it was very fun and delicious, but again, nothing was a 'favorite'. "We'll figure out your likes yet! It's a grand adventure." She was having entirely too much fun with this. "Now, while I'd be delighted if you asked for tea simply to relax and chat, that's not how you are. Do you mind if I ask directly?"

"No, I don't mind. It is simply..." I fiddled with the handle of my teacup, wondering how to begin. "You left me a note, once, about coming to speak to you if I needed anything."

"I did." Her smile grew, and she looked particularly pleased. "Is there something troubling you?"

"There is, but there isn't, if that makes sense." I should just be blunt. I couldn't exactly be any more embarrassed, right? "So, I recently realized my feelings for Chulainn."

"Did you?" Her eyes lit right up, and she giggled cheerfully. "Wonderful! I was wondering if trying to parse that out would be the starting point."

"Ah, no, I... um..." The answer was 'yes, I could be more embarrassed'. "Deirdre... she mentioned that many..."

"Everyone could see it." Could I hide? I wanted to hide again. "But ignoring how many of us assumed you and Sigurd were romantically involved and very much weren't..." This was going to haunt me until the day I died, wasn't it? "None of us wanted to rush things. In fact, I scolded a few who wanted to try and make things go 'faster'." How? Would they have used cliches from books? "You are still trying to learn who you are outside of 'being the healer', and truthfully, Chulainn also needed time to adapt to being treated like a person again. Rushing would've only made things worse for the two of you."

"I... I think I see."

"Besides, it was so nice watching you two." She beamed and I had to duck my head. "You probably didn't notice, but your smile was always so much happier when you looked at him. It was adorable." Could I hide under the table? "But you don't need to hear me gushing about that, yet. That'll be a way to tease you later." Her expression softened, serious despite the wisp of a smile. "So, it isn't you trying to figure it out. You already know."

"Yes." I forced myself to look up, though I fussed with the teacup with both hands. The tea within rippled. "I told Deirdre and Sigurd I would think about confessing."

"Oh?" She tilted her head, and tapped a finger against the table. "Ah, but you do not know where to even begin thinking, do you?"

"...No, I don't." Oh, what a relief she figured it out so quickly. "Deirdre talked of happiness. Sigurd encouraged me to expand my horizons. But I..."

"This isn't simply unknown territory for you. It's territory you never expected to ever see, much less tread." Yes, that was exactly it. I hadn't even had a crush on anyone before this. I'd never been close enough to people to think of it. "Hmm, that is a conundrum." It was also a relief to hear she didn't have an immediate answer. It made me feel a little less... it made me feel like there wasn't something wrong with me, to be flailing over something most would find innocuous. "At the least, you shouldn't have to worry about political consequences. That's a good thing."

"Political?" It took me a long second to realize why she brought it up. "Oh, I suppose there would be some, wouldn't there?"

"Unfortunately, Holy Blood and politics go hand-in-hand. That's why, to keep you safe, you were completely isolated. The second anyone discovered your heritage would be the same second you would be forever trapped by politics." She sipped her tea, giving me some time to recover. I would probably never be used to it. "I'll be blunt. In most cases, marriage and relationships are nothing but transactional for nobility. Allies, funds, soldiers… each is measured when looking at prospective partners." They treated each other as coin and goods to be bartered? That was a little… "This is why everyone flocks to those with Holy Blood. By default, every Crusader descendent has all three in abundance."

"That is why so many were shaken when Deirdre appeared from nowhere to marry Sigurd."

"Indeed." She set her cup down, and rubbed her finger along the rim. "With all that said, because everyone is constantly trying to woo us, those with Holy Blood usually have the freedom to choose whoever they wish. Yes, they can make marriage alliances to further strengthen their houses, but it's not as necessary as it is for other nobles. To continue using Sigurd and Deirdre as an example, Sigurd had all the freedom in the world to choose his spouse, because Chalphy's standing has never been stronger. Byron made sure of it, after he broke a marriage alliance to marry the one he loved instead."

"So, while everyone clamors for a sliver of favor, those of Holy Blood have the freedom to love freely." I sipped my tea, thinking. "I suppose that's how my father had a plethora of lovers despite his less than abysmal personality." At least, my understanding was he didn't rape every woman he'd slept with. There had been a plethora of mistresses Arvis had to throw out after our father killed himself. "And I know… I know Arvis has worked very hard to restore Velthomer's reputation."

"He has, meaning you won't have to consider making an alliance to restore Velthomer's honor." The way she said that caught my attention, but I couldn't think of why. "That, of course, doesn't even go into Arvis's reaction to people trying. Azelle told me that while there were marriage proposals sent for you, Arvis burned the letters and sent the ashes back as his 'reply'."

"So, he tells you and not his own sister?" It didn't surprise me Arvis hadn't mentioned a thing, but it did irritate me a little. I should at least be aware of what was going on, even if the response was to ignore it. "My little brother can be so mean."

"Oh, have a little mercy." She giggled, and I had to bite back a smile. "I walked in on him ranting to Lex about how the other nobles were trying to treat his older sister as a pawn." Aw, well, maybe I wouldn't hold it against him, then. "And I required some explanation after I had to stop Lex from charging and dueling a few."

"He did not."

"He would've if I hadn't pointed out you'd be very upset by it all." Those two were… they were so silly sometimes. "Regardless, you don't have to worry about any of that, thankfully. So, that's a weight off your shoulders."

"...But it's a weight you bear." Now I knew why her earlier statement caught my attention. She'd said them with the resignation of someone who was fully aware the same did not apply to her. "Is this why you do not confess to Sir Midir?"

"Yes." The word was said simply, yet it held so much weight I thought it might break the table. "Yngvi's status has never been more fragile. We do not have a Major to inherit until and unless we find Brigid. As such, I absolutely must consider my house's reputation and status. When people think you divine, they become terribly eager to drag you back down if you fail to live up to their expectations."

"I know." The gossips seized every excuse they could to bring up my father and his atrocities, just as a way of trying to keep a great house humble.

"So, do I love Midir enough to ignore such a storm? Do I love him enough to place him in the line of fire? Do I love him enough to risk my people's stability?" She sighed, shaking her head. "Until I can answer those questions, I do not have the right to confess. No matter how obvious my feelings might be to those around me. However…" Her expression softened as she smiled at me. "You don't have to worry about any of that. You are free to choose whoever you want, and you are free to choose no one if that's your ultimate desire. In fact…" She reached across the table and gently poked my cheek. "I wonder if that's part of the problem."

"Pardon?"

"Alicia, answer me honestly. How much of your life have you truly been able to choose? What have you been able to choose for yourself, without worrying about anyone else?"

"I…" Some sort of protest bubbled up my throat, but it died before I could even think of the words. "That is…" After all, when I thought about it, I wasn't… I'd been placed in Father Eirik's 'care' when I was a year old. My whole life, I spent hiding, never allowed to do anything that might make me stand out or catch attention. Even after meeting Arvis, I kept hiding, out of the fear of being used against him, against Azelle. But I hadn't… I hadn't wanted to hide. If I had a choice, I wouldn't. I just couldn't bear being a burden, and hiding was the only way I knew how to minimize it. "Um... well, since I been with everyone..."

"Yes, since you joined us, you've slowly become more open with acting on your own wants. But not before. You never did before, and even now, you have your habits. You're so used to hiding, making yourself small, and keeping in mind others and their reactions. You might always have the habit, because you are a kind and caring person. But because of it, you get yourself in a tangle about things you want for yourself and yourself alone, because all your wants were dismissed as 'selfishness' until you met us. Even when it was something as basic as needing to rest." She looked to the side to scowl darkly at the floor. "Oh, the words I had with Reisin... Father Eirik is a lost cause, but him..." ...Please tell me she didn't yell at her own people on my behalf? "Ah, ignore that, will you?" She looked back at me with the most perfectly polite and serene smile and I realized she had, in fact, yelled at some people. The realization was surprising, and I had no idea what to feel about it. I might never. "Where was I again?"

"You had mentioned I get myself in a tangle."

"Ah, yes, that's right. I'm sure you were fretting over making things 'strange' and the like for yourself and everyone." I refused to admit it outright, but I couldn't meet her gaze, so I looked down and nursed my tea. "In which case, I think I have a starting point for you finally."

"Oh?"

"Yes. Do you love him?"

"Yes."

"And would you want to spend all your days with him?"

"I think so."

"Then I think you should confess." She reached across to nudge my head up and smiled encouragingly. "You can think of politics and people and whatever you want, but ultimately, love is a simple thing. You choose a person you want and you go from there. It is a choice for you, and no one else."

"That is…"

"It's just like your ideals. You chose them, and structured your life around them, even while being well aware others might not be able to do as you do. With him, you have the freedom to choose, and a number of friends in high places who will make sure no one questions your choice." She laughed softly, still smiling. "For once, Alicia, you should focus on yourself. The rest of the world can wait."

"I... I think I understand." I sipped my tea to have the excuse to duck my head again. "So, I will think about it more." But what she said was so much easier to think about compared to vague notions of 'happiness' and 'spreading your roots'. "As a thank you-"

"Alicia, you don't need to repay me for-"

"Let me say something, based on the admittedly minimal conversations I've had with Duke Ring." I met her eyes and smiled with all the sincerity I had; she stared in noticeable surprise. "I do not think Yngvi's status is as fragile as you fear." Given what she had said, it was impossible Duke Ring had not already considered it all. In fact, since he was the duke, he had to be more aware than anyone about how uncertain everything could be. Yet, he had still made those comments about her and Midir. To me, that said everything. "I do not think you should underestimate your father's skill. Prince Kurth would not keep someone incompetent as a trusted advisor, no matter the friendship."

"...I suppose you would be the current authority on that, wouldn't you?" She smiled back. "And you keep smiling like that and you're going to have even more people proposing to you." Now what was she talking about? "I'll keep it in mind, though." Her smile became a little shy. "Ah, but since we're sort of on the topic, there was something I wanted to ask."

"Oh?"

"Yes." She stood up to pour us both more tea. "The day the cavalry left for Heirhein, Ethlyn came over to tease and reassure. She then asked, in the most innocent of tones, if Midir had 'done as you requested'. He turned a terribly bright red at that, and I thought it odd?" She sat back down, frowning. "No, that's the wrong word, but I can't think of the right one."

"You were curious, simply because it was a large reaction over something which seemed innocuous." I drank my tea and smiled as innocently as Dew. She immediately narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "It's nothing terrible. I told him he needed to take you on a date."

"You did... pardon?" She stared for a long moment before laughing brightly. "You did not!"

"I did. It was when he relayed your request that I rest a few days, and the warning you would weaponize Shannan and Deirdre's frowns if I argued."

"If I didn't go with that warning, you would've been up before dawn, just as usual."

"I was up before dawn anyway. It's my habit."

"Oh, what are we to do with you? You need lessons on how to be lazy!"

Our talk became much more lighthearted, with her gently teasing me and me either shaking my head or protesting, until we finished the pot. Then, after thanking her once more, I left to meet Chulainn in Sigurd's office and, when I arrived, I discovered he'd beaten me here. I also came when the two of them were having a conversation, so I was stuck awkwardly lingering by the slightly ajar door. I couldn't leave, because I had nowhere else to be, but I didn't want to interrupt. That would be rude, and being rude was worse than being awkward.

"You want to apologize?" Besides, this sounded important. Based on Sigurd's surprise, it was clear Chulainn had actually initiated the conversation, and that was a rare occurrence. "For what?" Sigurd continued, twirling his pen about his fingers. He'd been working before Chulainn came in, but settling his confusion took priority.

"You hired me for a specific job, to guard Alicia," Chulainn answered, sounding as calm as always. In contrast to Sigurd's surprise, his expression was the irritable stoicism I was used to. "And I failed twice."

"What are you talking about?"

"She was shot, and taken hostage. What else can we call those but failures on my part?"

"That…" Sigurd fell silent, struggling to make sense of a conversation he clearly did not expect. Chulainn simply waited for him. "Before I address that..." Sigurd dropped his pen to focus solely on Chulainn. "Why are you bringing it up?"

"Should I not apologize for not doing the job you hired me for?"

"That's still the same discussion." Sigurd leaned forward, resting his arms on his desk. "Do you no longer want the job?" My heart stopped. That… if he…

"..." Chulainn looked away. "Most would replace me after the first failure. A second is inexcusable."

"That's not what I ask." A sharp gleam flashed in Sigurd's eyes, even as he kept his expression neutral. "I asked if you did or did not want to continue guarding Alicia."

"..." Again, Chulainn took a while to respond. "Why do you ask? I'm simply a mercenary in your employ."

"Why should I not? No matter what you're used to, Chulainn, you are not an unthinking, unfeeling blade to be thrown at the nearest enemy. You're a person, and as such, I should take your thoughts and feelings into account." He smiled very faintly. "So?"

"...If we are…" Chulainn spoke very slowly, like the words were having to wriggle out. "If we are speaking of only my wants, Sigurd, then yes, I wish to continue guarding her." It was terrible how relieved I felt at the words. "However…"

"However… what? Personally, I think it's very telling that the two times trouble has found Alicia since I hired you are the two times you've not been at her side." Sigurd's smile grew a little, and definitely became smug. "When you two arrived at Nordion's gates, do you know what the first thing I thought was?"

"Probably something along the lines of 'please do not tell me she is really in front of me in this mess'."

"Er… actually, that's fair." The smugness faltered and disappeared with a chuckle. "Fine, the second thought was me wondering how the hell she wasn't hurt. She was a mess to be certain, but otherwise, it was like the battle hadn't touched her. No scrapes, no bruises, no tattered hems… she wasn't even sweating or out of breath like she'd run. It didn't make sense." He pointed at Chulainn then. "But then I saw the injuries you were hiding, and how you threw yourself in front of her as a shield before any of us even knew what had happened. When I talked to the soldiers afterwards, my suspicions were confirmed. You had skillfully analyzed the ebb and flow of the battle and found the only path that kept her perfectly safe."

"That was simply the job."

"No, it wasn't. If we're talking about the job, it would've been to keep her from running into the battle in the first place." Sigurd was back to being terribly smug. "But you didn't. You let her run into danger. Why?"

"..."

"Actually, I already know why. Because unlike anyone else who would take the job, you take her wishes into account. You protect her heart. Isn't that also why you didn't stop her from running to Ares? I'm sure you could've pinned her."

"It would've cost Ares his life, and she is not one who could…" Chulainn retorted without thinking, and trailed off as soon as he did. "That is…"

"Precisely. I do not think another guard would've done that. I also don't think she'd be happy with another guard. Hasn't she said as much?" The smugness faded for a soft smile. "Personally, I think Alicia has had enough of people who prioritize her safety above all else. Anyone who guards her must do as you do. They must respect her as a person, and balance her reckless devotion to her ideals with actual protection."

"Are we certain you are one to talk about reckless devotion?"

"Hey, I'm not the topic of discussion at the moment." He made a face, and Chulainn relaxed slightly. "Besides, Chulainn, those two times you claim to have failed… they were for the benefit of someone I hold dear. Alicia risked herself to save Ares, the son of my dear friend and my 'nephew' in all but blood. She sent you off for medicine for Deirdre, my dearest love. I feel like it would be hypocritical if I accepted apologies."

"You…" Chulainn sighed suddenly, looking strangely exhausted. "You have to be the strangest employer I've ever had."

"Given what you seem used to, I will take that as the highest of compliments." He grinned and Chulainn actually rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I forgot to ask what brought you here alone."

"Alicia was having morning tea with Edain." Chulainn glanced back at the door, and I wondered how long he'd known I was there. My hope was 'not long'. "But it seems they finished up more quickly than expected."

"Oh, is Alicia hanging outside awkwardly because she thinks she'll bother if she comes in?" Sigurd had the brightest grin on his face. "I keep saying you could 'bother' people more, Alicia!"

"I refuse to respond to that," I declared, opening the door without knocking. There was no point when both knew I was here. "Yes, hi, hello. Sigurd, did you send that message to Chagall? We talked about it yesterday."

"That's subtle," Sigurd replied dryly, his grin growing. I shook my head and went to make him some tea; Chulainn closed the door behind me. "Anyway, no, not yet. I've a draft, but even after numerous edits, I feel like it's too threatening." He produced a piece of paper filled with scribbles and crossed-out words from the pile in front of him. "Mind reading it over?"

"Of course not. Let me finish this first."

It didn't take me long to make the tea, and after I brought it over, I spent the next couple of hours proofreading his draft, helping to arrange sentences and find softer words so Chagall didn't think his life was in immediate danger. Ignoring how we did not know what Chagall might do to Lord Eldigan, if we could negotiate, it would put Agustria in a much better position for future diplomacy. Yet there was so way he'd negotiate if he thought this was a 'surrender or die' scenario.

As we worked, Chulainn leaned against the closed door as he always did, but there was a slight difference. He had a faint smile on his face the entire time. Sigurd nudged me once, a sly grin showing he noticed, but I mimed for quiet. I didn't want to make him self-conscious.

---

Usually, my lessons had a very specific goal. I planned for the day, and taught with minimal tangents. This was so everyone could better keep track of the information, and minimize confusion. With that said, sometimes a question caught my attention far too much and I was quickly distracted by the answer and subsequent questions that all lesson plans were left to the wayside. This happened most often when Dew would ask about some of the strange things he'd seen while living on the streets.

"Wait, but how can something in your blood cause your skin to fall off?" Lachesis asked, her jaw dropping. Next to her, Oifey rapidly scribbled notes, using the code Duke Bryon taught him. "And what was it called again?"

"I can only take a guess based on Dew's description, but it most closely resembles scalded skin syndrome," I answered, still mulling it over. We had been talking of the dangers of wound infections, including sepsis, and I had shared one incident I'd witnessed where the patient had developed a rash from the toxins building up in their blood. This led to Dew remembering what befell a fellow thief when he was much younger and… well… "It fits the classical symptoms."

"But Dew said they were children!"

"It most often occurs in children under the age of five, according to my books." I tapped my cheek, still thinking. "Though, there's a chance it could have been toxic epidermal necrolysis."

"It could have been what now?"

"What was the differential diagnosis for the two again? I think it had something to do with where the skin started separating? Toxic epidermal necrolysis involves the entire… oh, I'm getting ahead of myself. Have we talked about the layers of skin?"

"We did for burns," Finn answered, leaning forward in his chair. He bumped into Lachesis by accident, since they sat next to each other, but she waved off his apology easily. My table wasn't quite big enough for everyone now that Silvia had officially joined us, but none of them complained about the lack of space. In fact, Shannan was leaning against Silvia and helping her with her notes. "You said it would help with differentiating between degrees."

"Ah, that will make this a little easier to explain then," I replied, warming to the subject now. Hopefully, I could remember the most pertinent information off the top of my head; I didn't want to pause the lesson to go hunting through my books. "Now, let's start with scalded skin syndrome. As I mentioned, it's most commonly seen in young children, though it can also be seen in adults with compromised immunity or kidney failure…"

I rattled off the information as concisely as I could, going into detail about both conditions. Then Oifey asked a question which took us on another tangent and I soon accepted we would have to talk more in-depth about wound infection and sepsis another day. Today was now a free-for-all where we talked about whatever caught our attention until finally, their questions ran dry and they instead focused on comparing notes and mulling over the information. The only, slight, exception was Silvia. She was hunched over one of my books, her eyes sparkling as she took in the words and diagrams and ignored the others.

She looked so adorably enthused that I couldn't help but offer, "do you want to borrow it, Silvia?"

"Eh?" she yelped, jerking her head up. She stared wide-eyed for a long moment before looking away, a blush dusting her face. "I-I doubt I'll be able to read all of it."

"But you could still read some."

"I... well..."

"If you are worried about words, you can always write them down and give them to me later to define." I smiled gently and nodded at Dew, who glanced our way curiously. "That's what Dew does."

"Dew does what?" Dew asked, tilting his head. I gestured to the book, however, and he figured it out quickly. "Oh, yeah, I've given Alicia pages before. It was a good way to practice writing too!" He grinned and Silvia hesitantly smiled. "She doesn't mind. Promise."

"You can also always ask us," Oifey added, his own smile kind. "I take copious notes, so sometimes, the answer is there. And others, it's something none of us know and we all get to learn together."

"Like today!"

"Then... um... can I borrow this one?" Silvia asked softly, glancing at me worriedly. But her face lit up with a smile when I nodded. "Thank you!"

"You're very welcome," I replied, biting back a laugh. I didn't want her to think I was laughing at her; I just found her adorable. "Now then, does anyone have any...?" I trailed off when I noticed Chulainn push off the door. "Ah, do we have a guest?" In answer, Chulainn opened the door, right as Lex was about to knock. "It seems so. Hello, Lex."

"Hi, Alicia?" Lex greeted, blinking a few times to get his bearings. He then scowled at Chulainn. "Seriously, how do you do that?" Chulainn's only answer was to shrug, so Lex focused back on me. "Anyway, sorry to bother, but do you mind coming with me? Deirdre nearly fainted while discussing magic with Azelle and Lewyn."

"Did she? Then I'd best gather my things." I smiled apologetically at my 'students'. "You can stay if you'd like, but I do not know how long I'll be." Though they nodded in understanding, I saw the shining determination in their eyes. Oh, they would stay, and study further. Someone needed to ensure they didn't overdo it, so... "Chulainn, can you keep an eye on them?" I turned just in time to see his slight frown. "Please?" He frowned a little more, but sighed and nodded. "Thank you."

"I'll keep her safe, Chulainn. Think I'm sturdy enough to fend off any trouble she attracts."

"You say that as if I'm finding trouble at every step."

"Considering the past..."

"Lex, would you like me to tell Shannan about the goat?"

"I apologize for any transgressions and humbly request the honor of escorting you."

"Wait, what's this about a goat?" Shannan asked, looking terribly curious. Worse, so did the others. "Alicia, I want to hear!"

"How about I tell a different story while Alicia gets ready?" Lex offered very, very quickly. Chulainn ducked his head to hide his smile. "Another adventure from the righteous thieves, perhaps?"

"Wait, there's another?"

"Yes, and it starts with..."

Lex launched into a story I was half-certain he made up on the spot, but it kept everyone entertained as I fetched my bag and staff. With a promise to finish the tale another day, Lex quickly escorted me out of my room, a further hint he'd been making up the story. But I didn't bring it up and, instead, focused on keeping pace with his longer strides. It felt like a blink before we made it to Azelle's room and, inside, my attention was solely on Deirdre. She was much, much too pale.

"Oh, Alicia, there was no need for you to come," Deirdre protested, making a face as I examined her. There appeared to be nothing unusual, but I was doing a second check to be sure. "Certainly nothing you needed to interrupt your lessons for."

"You might have wanted to say that before you nearly fell face-first into the table," Lex immediately snarked, keeping an eye from the doorway. Azelle, meanwhile, hovered over us anxiously, while Lewyn watched nervously from his seat nearby. "It would've been more believable."

"Lex!" She leaned to the side so she could scowl at him, but he met it with an exasperated one on his own. "Don't make her anxious."

"It's Alicia. She's always worrying. You should know this."

"You'll make her anxious enough to do a third check-up."

"She wasn't already?"

"Both of you hush," I chided, nudging Deirdre into sitting straight. I was almost done. "And I wasn't planning on a third unless I found something strange in the first two." But with both Lewyn and Azelle still looking worried, I knew I had to change the subject. "While I knew Deirdre and Azelle met frequently to talk magic, I must admit I did not expect to see you with them, Lewyn."

"That's because Lewyn views magic in a completely different way, and it's fascinating!" Azelle gushed, throwing sparks with his enthusiastic flailing. Lewyn quickly pulled the papers to a safe distance, a hint he'd seen this before. I wonder when and how this began? Did they ask for his insight because he was a fellow magic user? "I never would've thought of applying musical theory to it!"

"Songs and magic go hand in hand in Silesse," Lewyn mumbled, seeming almost sheepish. Perhaps he didn't see it as anything extraordinary. "It's mostly due to the Crusader-King Ced, who was a bard prior to joining the rebellion. They say one of the reasons why Forseti blessed him was due to his beautiful songs."

"That doesn't mean it isn't amazing! We've already made progress on one line of research thanks to your insights!" He gestured at the large pile of notes scattered, and I frowned because if they were out and disorganized, then that most likely meant they were from today. But that amount would also imply... "So..."

"Hold a moment, Azelle," I interrupted, scrutinizing the notes more closely. The ink was still wet, with some smeared. That further hinted they were from today, so I turned back to Lex, who continued to look exasperated. That near confirmed it, then. "Out of curiosity, how long have the three of them been at it today, Lex?"

"It's been hours since I came back in after sparring with Ayra, and they'd clearly been working for some time when I came to check on them," Lex answered easily. Meanwhile, the three magic users looked guiltily outside, like they had only just now noticed the sun's position. I had a feeling that would be the case. "So..."

"Here comes my next question." I leveled a frown at the three of them. "When did you last eat?" The answer was a very long silence. No wonder Deirdre had nearly fainted. "Well, I suppose you three must be ready for a hearty meal, yes?" I turned my attention back to Lex, making sure to smile. "Can you escort them to the kitchens? I'll organize their notes."

"Happily and gladly."

"We can go ourselves," Lewyn pointed out dryly. Meanwhile, Azelle just sighed and resignedly stood, while Deirdre giggled and used me as a lever to pull herself up. "We know where it is and all."

"But will you eat properly?" I asked, smiling calmly. He blinked a few times in response. "Those who must be reminded to eat cannot be trusted to eat well."

"...Do all older sisters have the perfect lecture voice? This is like being scolded by Annand." He brought up his hands in surrender. "Fine, fine, I yield. I know better than to disrespect my elders."

"Am I older than you?"

"Aren't you in your mid-twenties?"

"No, I turned twenty a few months before this all started."

"...Wait, we're the same age?!" He openly gaped, but I tilted my head curiously. It wasn't the first time I'd been confused with someone older; it happened a lot when I was younger. I didn't know why. "No way! You're way more mature than I am!"

"I believe that says more about you than it does me." Wasn't Ayra the same age as me? I should check later.

"Urk..."

Lewyn quieted down after that, apparently gobsmacked into silence about the two of us being the same age. I thought about asking about the months, to see if I was at least older than way, but something told me it would only pour salt in the wound. Instead, Lex expertly herded the three out and I spent the next few minutes organizing and neatening the notes. It wasn't difficult; even when scattered, Azelle kept like with like. He truly was like Arvis; I would have to write about it in my next letter. As it was, though, I finished organizing and returned to my room. Once there, I saw most of my students had departed. Only Lachesis and Finn lingered, clearing the table and carrying the chairs back to their proper places. At least, Finn tried. He had to get help from Chulainn since he was still recovering.

"Oh, welcome back!" Lachesis chirped, turning to beam at me. "As you probably guessed, we stayed for a little bit to study more before dispersing, so that's why we're only cleaning now. Finn and I volunteered since our only plans were to take a walk through the gardens as part of Finn's physical therapy." Right, that was something Lachesis had suggested recently, to make the therapy easier. Finn's condition improved significantly since they started. "Oh, and Silvia left a message. She's dancing after dinner tonight, and you must attend. She'll be sulky if you don't. Her words, not mine."

"Is that so?" I asked, muffling a laugh. Silvia always wanted me to attend her shows, and always threatened to pout if I didn't make it. "Then I will do my best."

"We can come pick you up, if you want." She grinned. "We'd be honored to escort you!"

"Goodness, how could I refuse such fine escorts?" I had to fight off another laugh. They were both adorably silly; they actually looked excited at the thought. "Then I'll see you later."

"Oh, but we still need to clean?" She turned and blinked a few times when she saw everything was done; Finn and Chulainn had kept cleaning while we'd talked. "Or not. Then, we'll see you later!"

Lachesis promptly took Finn by the hand and led him off, chattering about this and that. Chulainn followed them to the door and closed it once they'd left. "You might need to dress up a little for this show, as some of Mackily's nobility will also attend," he warned me, a touch of exasperation in his tone. I had a feeling Lachesis was supposed to mention that part, but forgot. "Maybe the shawl from Prince Kurth?"

"I'm surprised they're attending the show at all," I replied, finally suppressing the laughter. Serious topics had that effect. "Were they not avoiding us?"

"They were, but since we've proven our words by not charging ahead, they're more willing to flock. Not sure if there will be any outright sycophants, but they'll definitely test the waters."

"Maybe I shouldn't attend, then."

"No, you should, because you are well known and your absence will be noted." Of course it would. I was, after all, the 'Red Rose Healer'. "But it doesn't have to be to the level of a 'banquet'. A little extra will go a long way."

"Why must looks be so important?"

"A person's true nature takes time to discern, while looks are immediately apparent. That's why people are more inclined to favor those who look..." He trailed off when I gave him an unamused look. "Ah. Rhetorical."

"Yes, indeed." I shook my head, and turned away. "Well, I can worry about my clothes later. How about some tea? I still have plenty of pleorula."

"You use any excuse you can to make it." That was because he always wore the softest smile when he drank it. "But, fine. Tea does sound nice."

"It does, doesn't it?" I smiled at him over my shoulder. "So, did they truly study while I was gone or did they fall into antics?"

"A little of both."

As I made the tea, Chulainn told me of how they started to study, but soon became distracted by teasing each other. Oifey and Finn would valiantly try to keep everyone on track, only to succumb to the distractions. During the story, I couldn't help but notice how... 'settled' I felt. I felt like I belonged. I felt like... oh, it was so hard to put into words. If I could spend every day of my life like this, I would never know sadness again. This gentle happiness was something I could enjoy forever. If I could pick my future as one did a book, I'd choose this every time. Any doubts I may have had were banished when he finished the tale and we lapsed into the comfortable, warm silence I adored.

Just being with him made me happy. Knowing he was near was enough to make me smile. So, maybe Edain was right. Maybe it could be this simple.

So, as I poured the water, I began,"say, Chulainn?"

"Yes?" he answered easily, if a little distractedly. I wondered by what. "What is it?"

"I love you." There was a very long silence, long enough for me to finish the tea and bring him over his cup. He was staring at me with the most surprised expression I had ever seen on his face. "Here's your tea."

"I… thank you?" He took it automatically, but immediately set it down on the table. "What was the first part?"

"Hmm? I love you." I smiled at him brightly and he was right back to his staring. "And yes, I do mean romantically." He kept on staring. "You don't have to reply. I just wanted to tell you." With that said, his continued silence did make me feel silly and embarrassed, so I quickly turned around to head into my workshop. "Ah, I should make Deirdre some medicines." I might as well use this nervous energy productively.

Yet before I even made it two steps, Chulainn snagged my hand and pulled me back. "You…" Hesitantly, he wrapped an arm around me, keeping me firmly in place. "You're too quick to find answers in silence."

"Oh?" Well, this was unexpected. "And you care whether or not I deduce the wrong one?" He didn't reply, but he tightened his hug when I tried to turn and face him. Did he not want me to see his face right now? "Did I?" He was still silent, so I strained to try and look at him anyway. It was hard, but I did manage to see the tip of his reddened ear. "The answer I found was you didn't feel the same. Was it the wrong one?" This time, I heard him mumble some sort of curse under his breath. "It's all right if it's the right one. You just need to tell me."

"I hate lying."

"That doesn't surprise me." What did surprise me was the sparkling, fluttering happiness I felt right now. "Ah, but if saying you do not feel the same is a lie, then would that mean you do?"

"I…"

"If you don't want me to find the wrong answer in silence, you'll need to say the right one."

"You… are a menace." He hid his face against the back of my neck, and I could feel how warm it was. "An absolute menace."

"I think that's the first time anyone has called me that." But I couldn't help the laughter bubbling out of me. Normally, I'd at least try to muffle it, but I couldn't. He had me pinned still. "Chulainn?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you." The words were so easy to say. "I love you, I love you, I love you."

He didn't say anything in response, simply continued holding me and hiding his face in my neck. But that was fine, because now I knew the answer in his silence. I didn't need a verbal reply.

---

The day after I confessed, I informed Deirdre first thing. She'd squealed in delight and insisted we host a morning tea with the girls in her solar as a way to 'celebrate'. While I thought it was a little much, she was so excited by the idea that I gave in without protest. So, she sent a messenger to everyone before securing several plates of sweets and I somehow got her solar decorated and made a tea blend for the occasion. I still didn't know how we managed to pull everything together before the others arrived, but we did and when they all settled, Deirdre proudly goaded me into telling the others about my confession. The response was... well...

"He didn't actually say anything?!" Ethlyn, at least, was upset at Chulainn's response, or perceived lack-thereof. "He should at least tell you outright instead of speaking in riddles!" she protested, even slamming her hands on the table in outrage. Ayra and Edain quickly ensured nothing toppled over. "Honestly!"

"While it is a shame he didn't immediately reply, isn't the shyness unexpectedly adorable?" Lachesis replied, giggling as she sipped her tea. I was glad everyone liked the blend; I'd made it in a hurry. "Honestly, he seems like the type to just go 'I know' and not say anything else."

"Well, I suppose, but..."

"No, it's usually the stoic ones who turn into messes when their loved ones confess," Silvia countered, waving a hand. She'd been very confused when she first arrived, like she didn't understand why she'd been invited, but thankfully, she relaxed before long. "I saw it all the time. They don't know how to handle such cuteness because they're so unused to it. Personally, I'm surprised he even gave a roundabout reply."

"I'm not," Deirdre giggled, watching us all with the brightest smile as she devoured the sweets piled on her plate. Like me, she didn't actually fault Chulainn's response. "He's much shyer than you'd expect and it's rare he's tongue-tied or flustered. And he usually doesn't bother correcting people's wrong assumptions. So..."

"Well, I suppose you're the not-quite-expert. From what I've seen, you're probably the only person he'd call a friend."

"What about Alicia?"

"Lover, of course. Not that you can't be friends with your lovers. But if he's introducing her as a 'special friend', I'm going to have words for him. That always means affairs."

"Goodness!"

"And I think we need to push that subject to the side, alongside Chulainn's answer, because none of us are focusing on the important part," Ayra declared, nibbling on a pastry. Personally, I was still surprised she agreed to join in; she usually sparred with Lex at this hour. "And that is congratulating Alicia for finding her courage."

"Yes, that's quite true!" Edain agreed, beaming proudly. I had to duck my head to hide my embarrassment. "Besides, even if it was roundabout, it does sound like he reciprocates. Give him a few days, and I'm sure he'll reply properly. Like Silvia said, he was probably just overwhelmed." She giggled and gestured to the flowers. "So, let me ask. Where did these come from? They're gorgeous."

"From one of her suitors, obviously."

"Oh, my~!"

"Ayra, don't spread lies," I scolded, shaking my head. I knew I shouldn't have accepted them. "They're from Iris, Lykos's wife." I'd gotten them as we'd been decorating, and decided to use them for said decorations.

"That reminds me; why did she send you flowers?" Deirdre asked, wiping the crumbs off her cheek. Her sweet jaw was turning to a sweet skull at this rate; I would need to limit her sugar intake before long. Mistress Yesui had mentioned some women had difficulties processing sugar while pregnant. What had been the full term again...? "I mean; I thought she'd be mad at us. We gave her husband a lot more work."

"Last time I visited Cassian, I ordered Lykos to take a week off."

"And he listened? My understanding was that not even Cassian or Larisa could get him to obey."

"He didn't originally." I had to smile a little. "That was why I asked his knights to intervene. They were very happy to oblige, and escorted him out of the castle for me."

"Can't imagine Lykos was thrilled to see they obeyed you over him."

"I believe their argument was 'the healer has final say on matters of health'." I sipped my tea to keep from laughing. Cassian had been so miffed he hadn't thought of it first. "Afterwards, they refused to open the castle gates for him, and Larisa changed the locks to his office. He'll get the key in a couple of weeks, once he rests and recovers."

"So, these are a 'thank you' from a thoroughly exasperated wife." Deirdre giggled. "How sweet! And such a variety too."

"They are, but if I remember the meanings behind flowers, each of these conveys gratitude," Ethlyn noted, standing a little so she could better scrutinize the flowers. She then pointed to the yellow lilies. "See? These are a popular 'thank you' gift for any social setting. Especially when combined with..."

Ethlyn rattled off more flower meanings, with Lachesis and Edain weighing in whenever she faltered on the precise message conveyed. All I got from it was 'Iris essentially wrote a three page letter with only flowers', which was both impressive and disconcerting. Talk shifted to bouquets others had received in the past, the meaning of flowers in general, and then everyone's favorite flowers, which... unfortunately, that put me on the spot once again.

"You don't have a favorite flower?" Lachesis asked, frowning deeply like I'd committed some grave offense. I hid my awkwardness by pouring more tea for everyone. "Seriously?"

"Flowers are pretty, but my focus was always on their uses," I mumbled, sitting back down. I didn't like how contemplative everyone got. Deirdre and Edain were even whispering to each other. "I could tell you which ones I use the most in my medicines, but I somehow doubt that counts as a 'favorite'."

"Nope, it doesn't." She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. "Hmm... I suppose the best way to fix that is to give you a bunch and see what you like."

"If you're going that route, you should have Chulainn be the gift-giver~!" Silvia immediately teased, grinning widely. "That'll be a quick way to make something her favorite, right?"

"That's assuming he knows how to properly court a noble lady," Ayra scoffed, waving a hand. I gave her the most incredulous look I could muster and she grinned. "What? You are a noble lady. I don't know how it is in other lands, but there is a custom to it in Isaach. That's how a lord conveyed his seriousness to his chosen love."

"Oh, really? What was it? Most of what I've seen is the usual bar wooing that's cute, but messy."

"Hmm, well..." She didn't get to answer. Someone knocked on the door then. "You have got to be kidding me." She sighed when the door opened to reveal Chulainn. "Seriously?"

"Yes, I apologize for interrupting," Chulainn answered dryly, without the slightest hesitation. Though, he was taken aback when he realized he was the sudden target of sulks (Deirdre and Silvia), scowls (Ethlyn and Lachesis), and a scarily polite smile (Edain). "But Sigurd sent for you, Alicia." He sent for me? That was strange. Usually, he'd either wait or find me himself.

"Doesn't he know she's busy having fun?"

"I didn't have time to ask that; Oifey dashed off before I could get clarification." But he'd not only sent for me, but had Oifey handle the message. That implied something serious.

"Then I had best see what couldn't wait until our usual meeting," I murmured, already standing. Lachesis tried to catch my sleeve to get me to stay, but I subtly pulled my arm away. "Please enjoy the rest of the tea, everyone." Ethlyn reached across the table to poke Deirdre, but Deirdre silently shook her head. Yes, if Deirdre asked, I'd crumble quickly, but she knew how strange this was just as much as I did and, as such, she wouldn't intervene. I adored her even more for it. "Let's do this again, sometime."

With that, I left, Chulainn falling in step with me as always. It wasn't a far walk; Sigurd's office was purposely located close to their rooms. But as we neared, a stranger approached from the opposite direction. Usually, I would simply nod a greeting and continue on, but the stranger slowed when he saw me, hinting he had something to say. So, what could I do but do the same?

"You must be Lady Alicia," he murmured, bowing very formally. For a second, I wondered how he knew before remembering the inconvenience of having a distinct coloring, and many rumors (and a song) proudly proclaiming both. "It is a pleasure to finally meet you, my lady. My name is Filat; I serve as an aide to King Azmur."

"Oh, good morning, Filat," I replied, thinking rapidly. If he was affiliated with King Azmur, then he must be here because... "I take it King Azmur learned of what Mackily's former lord did?"

"Indeed, among other things. So, he requested I come to Agustria to learn what all has transpired. Such a shame it escalated to all-out-war." He didn't sound all that remorseful, truthfully. "I just finished my discussion with Lord Sigurd about it all." And he must have said something which caught Sigurd's attention and he wanted my opinion on it. Oifey must have been listening in. "Hopefully, he'll make a triumphant return soon so he can dispel the rumors surrounding him."

"Rumors?"

"Yes, there are some who claim he's conspiring against King Azmur, alongside Prince Quan of Leonster and Duke Eldigan of Nordion. That is why he keeps Prince Shannan imprisoned."

"Oh?" I felt myself grow cold at the words and he stiffened. "My, it seems gossips never change. They say whatever they will, regardless of the truth." I smiled politely; he took a step back. "I trust you will inform King Azmur such talk is utterly ridiculous?"

"Er… yes, of course." Awkwardly, he smiled and cleared his throat. "Anyone who knows Lord Sigurd thinks it's nonsense. It's likely just jealous words gaining some traction."

"Mayhaps people should be careful about saying such nonsense. We wouldn't want anyone to think they're the truth."

"Duly noted, my lady." He bowed again, his smile a little strained and awkward. Chulainn, meanwhile, ducked his head to hide his smile like he found the whole thing amusing. "Ah, but I had best be on my way, if I wish to make good time."

"Take care. The roads have been more dangerous of late." Calm, calm... I must be calm. "Ah, but when you return, can you give my regards to King Azmur?" The best way to keep calm was to focus on something else. "Arvis has told me of the long hours he's been working, so I cannot help but worry." It was not-quite-a-lie, but it was close. I wouldn't have brought it up if I didn't need a distraction.

"It would be my honor to convey your message, my lady." It was just me being nosy. Why would it be an honor? "Have a pleasant day."

He walked away as quickly as he could politely manage. I didn't bother watching him leave. Instead, I continued on until I made it to Sigurd's office. I took a breath to ensure my nerves were steady before knocking. I took another when Sigurd's quiet 'come in' filtered through, and then opened the door.

Sigurd looked up as I walked in and immediately asked, "so, who made you angry?"

"I'm not angry," I replied calmly, still feeling frozen. I wished it would 'freeze' the embarrassment I felt at how quickly Sigurd figured out something was wrong. "I am simply in awe of the stupidity of gossip."

"Ah, you met Filat on his way out and he told you the rumors."

"He did, yes." I resisted the urge to sigh as Chulainn shut the door behind us. "How did you know?"

"Alicia, you do a remarkable job hiding what you feel on a daily basis, but I know that if you ever appear 'icy' or 'cold', you are upset, irritated, or angry." …Now that I think about it, Chulainn mentioned something similar for how he figured out I didn't like King Jamke. "Most others wouldn't be able to figure it out, if it makes you feel better."

"It does." I made myself calm down, only to worry over his frown. "What?"

"I know I shouldn't be upset, but I can't help but fret at you being happy that others can't read you."

"Why? It's a healer's job to be calm. I'm glad I can perform my duties well."

"Yes, yes, miss dutiful."

"And based on what you said, that means the only ones who can see through it are those I'm close to, so isn't it a sign of our bond?" I smiled a little shyly, and he blinked a few times in surprise. "Those who need the healer still only see the healer, but my friends who see me as 'Alicia' first can understand. Is that not something to be happy about?"

"...Well, I can't argue that." He smiled back kindly. "So long as that's the mentality, I have no right to complain, even if I still worry. I know you keep hiding things out of habit, after all."

"You're always fussing." But what could I do? I knew I'd do the same in his place. In fact, I did. "Regardless, you sent for me?"

"Ah, yes." He set down his paper and pen and stood. "The urgency was due to the rumors. I've little doubts they'll try to drag you into it since you treated Shannan, and made your position on him very clear."

"Indeed, I have, and I stand by it." But since he brought it up, wasn't it strange they hadn't already? Did they think the rumors would be more believable if Sigurd appeared to 'conspire' with foreign lords? Surely they weren't cowed by Velthomer's reputation, since they were blatantly attacking not only Chalphy, but both Leonster and Nordion. "You said the 'urgency' was because of the rumors. Was there another thing you wished to speak to me about?"

"That is..." For some reason, he became hesitant. "There was something else Filat said, and I wanted a little more insight into it, but..." He trailed off, a conflicted look on his face. "Tell me immediately if you'd rather not."

"I would need to know the subject first." Part of me thought to make some tea, but I instead clasped my hands in front of me and waited. "So, what is it?"

"It is..." He struggled for his words, visibly uncomfortable, though he tried to hide it by fussing with his cuffs. "So, after he told me the rumors, Filat informed me of the current affairs in Grannvale. As one can expect, this dealt with the Isaachian Front."

"I'm not surprised, since most of King Azmur's focus would be there." There was only one topic I could think of that would make him this uncomfortable. "Is Mariccle dead?"

"No, not yet. He's doing everything he can to make them earn a victory. They've apparently taken to bombarding the entire field with magic in the hopes of catching him, because they never know where he's hiding or when he's going to strike." That sounded more than a little dangerous, and terribly inefficient. Wouldn't that drain our mages and tome supply even faster? "As far as I know, everyone still lives, but discussions turned to Prince Kurth." I stilled, suddenly realizing what had been brought up, but still desperately hoping that maybe, just maybe... "Specifically his lack of an heir and-"

"And he told you the tragic love story between him and Cigyun." It had been foolish to hope. Of course it had come up. Why wouldn't it? It always did. "I'm sure he spared little details as well, with a focus on how they were separated and how Prince Kurth could never move on, and how convenient would it be if he'd had a child with her because they were clearly that idiotic and it adds extra spice to the tale they watch and devour without any regard to the pain any of them suffered! Those gluttonous wretches don't even care; they just want an entertaining story and...!" It wasn't until I heard the words echo back that I even realized I was shouting. I… was shouting. I was numb and I was shouting. When had I last…? I'd yelled for Sir Alec and Sir Naoise to get out of Shannan's room when he had that panic attack, but when did I last shout because of my own…?

"That… that hit a nerve." Sigurd's bewildered expression reinforced what had happened. I'd yelled. I'd screamed. Would I be lectured? Would I be ignored? Would I… would I… "Here." The answer was, of course, 'no'. After all, I was with Sigurd, not Father Eirik. "I'll make some tea." I was with Sigurd, and so, he gently led me to the table by the window to sit. "Chulainn, can you check that no one is near?"

"Sigurd, I can make…"

"No." He rested a hand on my head. "You rest."

"But…"

"She finds making tea calming," Chulainn quietly said, lingering by the door. He gave me a worried look, but I 'replied' with a thankful smile. My head was a mess. My heart pounded. My throat hurt. "If you want her to settle her nerves, that'll be faster."

"Ah, then I'd best listen to the advice of the one closest to her, huh?" Sigurd teased, his attention more on me than Chulainn. That was why his eyes widened when Chulainn looked away, his ears turning red. "Wait, are you blushing?"

"No." He very much was. "I'm checking the halls."

"You're blushing!" Sigurd had the biggest grin on his face, and he even laughed when Chulainn fled without another word. "Now, why was he blushing?"

"I confessed yesterday," I rasped, doing my best to smile. I doubted it was a good one. "That's why Deirdre and I were decorating her solar earlier."

"What a shame I interrupted," he chuckled, shaking his head. But soon, his grin faded and he knelt in front of me. "So, I know what he said, but I want to hear it from you. Will it help?" I nodded and he smiled softly. "Then, in that case, I would love some tea, Alicia."

"Do you have enough of your mix?"

"I should, but you should make whatever you like."

"I like your mix."

"All right then."

I took my time making the tea, letting the familiar movements ease my nerves. I still felt unsettled. I still felt angry. But it was better after making the tea, though my hands started shaking when I tried to pour it for us. Sigurd took over without a word, not even calling attention to it. He simply took the pot and handled it, so I could sit and rest.

He'd just finished pouring when Chulainn knocked on the door and opened it. "No one in the halls," he reported, only stepping halfway in. That told me his next words before he even said them. "I'll guard out-"

"You don't need to give us privacy, Chulainn," I murmured, interrupting him. I had no idea what to feel at the moment. 'Drained' might be the best word. "It's nothing secret. I simply don't talk about it."

"...If you're certain." He stepped inside and closed the door behind him to lean against. Sigurd took that as his cue to sit down, and silence reigned. No one was certain how to... no, that wasn't right. It wasn't right at all.

Both of them knew how to break the silence. Both of them could. But both of them refused. They would not break it before me. They would wait for me to find my words and gather my thoughts. They would give me all the time in the world and more, if that was what I needed.

I loved them so, so much.

"May I..." I finally croaked, my throat still burning. But still, I needed... I wanted... to speak. "May I ask why you wanted to know more?"

"When Filat told me, it felt like a story," Sigurd answered softly. He sipped his tea, giving me time to gather my thoughts. "There was no mention of your mother, or Azelle's. It was a story which conveniently left out important details, because that made the telling better. And it irritated me. This was something which greatly affected multiple people I respect and admire. So, I didn't like that I only knew the version one might use for a play. I wanted to know more."

"I think I understand." He knew he had only half of the story, and so he wanted to ask the only person he knew would know the 'full'. "So-"

"However." The word was gentle, yet firm. "I want to know nothing you are not willing to tell." Of course he didn't. He had said something similar when he learned of my Mark. "Some things are secret for a reason."

"Yes, but as I said, none of this is truly secret." I just didn't like talking about it, but with him, it was easier than you'd think. "Truthfully, as strange as it sounds, the basic summary is more or less the truth. Though they adore making it sound like it happened over the course of a few weeks, They had two years with each other, plenty of time to build a friendship and romance."

"And they skim over the heartbreak, save for how terrible Prince Kurth must've felt."

"Yes, they do." Cigyun was a convenient 'doll' for their tale, and all the easier to build a story around because she was not here. "Sif, Azelle's mother, didn't play a large role in the tale. Her fate was one of the catalysts for the fallout, but she came in at the end. She was Cigyun's favorite maid, and one of the few to remain in Velthomer after Arvis threw everyone out." But she had died a mere five years later, from an unknown illness. "As for my mother..." I finally sipped my tea, but I couldn't taste it. I could barely feel the warmth. "All of this started with a twist of fate. It's as cliche as it comes, but it's also the truth. Prince Kurth had visited Velthomer on a whim, after a visit to Dahna, and not only had my father been away, but there wasn't a steward. He'd died during a party my father had hosted a few days prior, because one of the guests wanted to practice knife throwing."

"They wanted to what now?"

"They had wanted to practice knife throwing, and so, he was used as the target." I smiled sardonically. "Given what sort of man my father was, you can take a guess at the people who congregated around him." Arvis remembered accidentally wandering near, and seeing the blood before my mother scooped him up and carried him far away. "But because of this, Cigyun was the one who greeted Prince Kurth, that day. The two of them initially had a polite, stilted conversation, but somehow, they ended up on the topic of magical research and her theories intrigued him enough that he sought her out again a few weeks later." At least, that was what Arvis learned from Cigyun's journals. I still didn't know how our father missed them in his tantrum, given everything else he destroyed. "Of course, since my father was there then, Cigyun was locked in her room and, thus, Prince Kurth was only able to see my mother."

"Locked?"

"My father… he was a selfish, possessive, obsessive tyrant. He didn't want others to even look at Cigyun. She was his, and his alone. That's why she's so mysterious even now." My hands were shaking again; I could see the ripples in the tea. I set my cup down so I would not drop it. "So, that day, Prince Kurth spoke with my mother and, for reasons unknown, she offered to ferry messages between Cigyun and Prince Kurth, and let him know when my father would not be home."

"And that's how the relationship bloomed."

"Yes." My mother had been their messenger, and their shield. There had even been rumors initially that she and Prince Kurth were the ones courting, or so Arvis told me. "Truthfully, it's not surprising Cigyun and Prince Kurth eventually fell in love. They had many, many things in common." They were both talented magic users, highly intelligent, and incredibly kind. "And none can deny he still loves her." Ignoring what he'd told me, his few relationships afterwards had never lasted long. It was easy to see why everyone believed, and talked, of his lingering feelings. "However…"

"You hate how people speak so lightly over something that hurt people you love."

"...Yes..." I ducked my head in a feeble attempt to mask my expression, and hid the shakiness in my hands by curling them into fists in my lap. "Whenever they speak of 'conveniently hidden children', they always turn to her and it's obvious why. It makes for a better story, a greater show, because out of all the candidates, she is the one shrouded in mystery and tied to the great scandal of Velthomer. It's more entertaining." But their precious 'entertainment' left scars on Arvis, Azelle, and Prince Kurth. Their precious 'show' was the reason why Arvis was denied a happy childhood. "And it doesn't even make sense. How can they think Cigyun and Prince Kurth were that foolish?"

"Foolish?"

"It is impossible to exaggerate how possessive my father was of Cigyun. He killed anyone who looked at her. No one knows how my mother survived as long as she did, since every other lady-in-waiting had been killed or drugged into oblivion. Even the maids who served her suffered similar fates." One of the reasons why Cigyun had liked Sif was because Sif had actually lasted more than two weeks. But then my father had seen Cigyun smiling at her, and that had been enough for him to rape her in a drunken rage and send her away. "If he ever learned Prince Kurth exchanged letters with Cigyun, if he'd known Prince Kurth was in the same room… he would've killed him. My mother suffered greatly, protecting him and Cigyun from that psychopathic manchild." I gestured to myself vaguely, to emphasize one of the ways she'd suffered. "And eventually, he killed her, because she always got in his way." I… I had to lighten this conversation somehow. It was too heavy; I was going to suffocate. "As you are no doubt aware, intercourse usually involves very close contact and a not-insignificant amount of time."

"That… you…" Sigurd's immediate blush and scandalized look was enough to break a creaky laugh out of me. "I think I get your point." He was silent for a while, gathering his thoughts. I made myself drink more tea, and was glad I could at least tell it was warm now. "I should apologize." His blush slowly faded as he winced. "I'd guessed it was not a pleasant topic, but it was even more sensitive than I imagined."

"Why would you know? We barely talked about any of it before." The most had been me telling him who my mother was. "I suppose it doesn't help that there's no closure for it. Cigyun disappeared, after all." I wondered why. I knew my mother abandoned me. I knew why Prince Kurth entrusted me to Father Eirik. But I didn't know why she had left Arvis and me behind. I would never know. "Was there anything else you wanted to know?" Now that I was remembering, didn't Prince Kurth say her trail ended in Yngvi? She had disappeared just within its borders, after making a stop at an inn. Had she... did she come check on me, before she left? It was a fool's hope, but it lingered nonetheless.

"No, that's more than enough. Thank you for indulging my selfish curiosity." He managed a smile, and I was glad for it. "And to change the subject completely to lighter matters, Deirdre and I can't decide on names for our baby, so she declared we'd make you pick."

"She what?" I did not hear that right. I could not have. I even looked at Chulainn to see if I had misheard, but the way he'd ducked his head to hide his smile hinted I had not.

Sigurd, meanwhile, was grinning like a child who'd successfully stolen a sweet from the kitchens. I was no longer glad to see it. "So, start thinking of names, will you?"

"Sigurd, you must be joking."

"Of course I'm not. Deirdre was very serious about it. I'm surprised she didn't already tell you."

"Why would you even think of entrusting that to me?"

"You can ask her how she came upon the idea."

"At least tell me why you would agree."

"You're you."

"That's not an answer."

I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to point out how nonsensical the request was, and unfortunately, failed miserably. By the time the pot was done, I had reluctantly agreed to think of some names. I still had no idea how he'd managed to trick me into it.

---

I didn't know if Sigurd had mentioned something about my ill-mood following Filat's visit or if she'd just come upon the idea spontaneously, but late the next morning, Edain appeared at my door to invite me on an outing. I had originally intended to refuse, but she had two secret weapons: Dew and Shannan. One plea from the two of them later, I was in town with not only Edain, Dew, Shannan, and Chulainn, but also Lex, Ayra, and Sir Midir. I wasn't certain how she convinced the first two, but I'd bet she used Shannan against them too.

"Alicia!" At least Shannan and Dew were excited. Both of them were zipping around the market while the rest of us followed at a more sedate pace. "Bend down, will you?" Shannan continued, tugging on my skirt to catch my attention. Though I was confused, I crouched down for him, careful to not lose my shawl. It was the one Hellen made for me. "Hmmm..." Before I could ask what was going on, Shannan had grabbed a lock of my hair to quickly braid. In what felt like a blink, he tied it off with a dark blue ribbon he definitely didn't have before and pinned it with a hair ornament made with gold-colored metal and a blue glass-jewel. "There!"

"My, this is lovely," I replied, smiling. He immediately beamed in response. "What is the occasion?"

"Because it's pretty?" That… that was certainly a Shannan-reason. "Verdane didn't have a lot of pretty hair ornaments in their markets."

"Oh?"

"That would be because Verdanites tend to use fresh flowers when they want to dress up their hair," Chulainn explained, leaning down so Shannan didn't have to tilt his head quite as far back to look at him. As usual, he stayed firmly by my side despite the crowd. "Why would they wish to buy hair ornaments when they can pick something two steps outside their house?"

"Because not everyone likes flowers?" Shannan answered, grinning cheekily. Chulainn cracked a small smile, acknowledging the point. "Do you want a ribbon, Chulainn?"

"My hair is too short for such things." There was something almost nostalgic in his tone. "But I'm certain your aunt would appreciate it. Did you buy her one?"

"I tried, but she kept distracting me." He sulked, and I had to muffle a laugh. "And she says I can't go to the stalls alone since I'm little."

"In that case, Alicia, how about we serve as his shield?" He rested a hand on my shoulder, and I glanced up at him curiously. "It won't be hard to ward her away, if we say he's helping us."

"Is there something about me which implies I am a good conspirator?" I 'asked', more amused than anything. "I feel like I'm pulled into such things frequently."

"The hallmark of a good conspirator is the ability to keep calm in all situations and keep quiet," Chulainn answered easily. I couldn't help but frown since I hadn't actually expected an answer. "Besides, you can look at something for Deirdre."

"That's fair." Actually, I could get something for a few people. "Then, Shannan, in exchange for my cooperation, might you help me pick some gifts out?"

He agreed, of course. In fact, he nearly yanked me off my feet in his excitement to return. The stall owner, thankfully, found our antics amusing, and rattled off recommendations at a speed which made my head spin. Shannan and Chulainn kept up easily, though, and it wasn't long before Shannan settled on an apple blossom hair clip for Ayra. Choosing gifts for Deirdre, Edain, Ethlyn, Lachesis, and Silvia was harder, but that was mostly because I wasn't sure what suited them and I feared they wouldn't like them. But I still bought them, hoping they'd at least pretend.

Purchases in hand, Shannan scurried off to find Ayra. Chulainn and I meant to follow, but then Dew appeared from nowhere to snag my hand and drag me towards the town square. I wondered why, especially since he was well aware how little I liked crowds, but it became obvious as soon as we were close. Lewyn and Silvia were performing, and it was different from their usual performances with the army. This one was much… for lack of a better word, it was 'bouncier'. It was designed to catch the attention as much as possible, and hold it fast once it secured interest.

While I was trying to adjust to my surroundings, a happy, laughing yelp caught my ear and I turned to see Shannan was the source. Why? Lex had decided to pick him up and place him on his shoulders so he could see better. Shannan continued laughing, ecstatic, but Ayra… well…

"Could you not have warned a person first?!" she snapped, immediately fussing. I saw she wore the apple blossom hair clip, pinning her bangs partially back. She must've liked it, then. "Lifting him like that…!"

"Relax, he's fine," Lex dismissed, shifting so Shannan was a little more stable. Indeed, Shannan wasn't even paying attention to his aunt's 'argument' with Lex. "I'm not going to drop him."

"Of course you won't. Not on purpose. But the crowd…" She looked a little uneasily at the people, and I thought it was a fair worry. After all, there were many people here, and quite a few were jumping and dancing to the music. "It's a little… well…"

"Ayra, I'm probably the sturdiest one here." I didn't know about that, but he was the tallest. "And even if someone managed to unbalance me, you'd catch me easily."

"I… well, that's true."

"And in the very unlikely event something happened, Alicia's near. Assuming she didn't come running at the first yell, we could get her easily."

"This is also true, but…"

"And since she hasn't come over to fuss, and she's almost as good at fussing as she is at overworking…"

"Fine, fine, you made your point." Ayra sighed gustily, smiling faintly. "By the way, I'm definitely telling her you said that."

"Don't suppose I could bribe you not to?"

"Too late, since you overheard," Dew snarked, his snickers bringing my attention back to him. I had to muffle a laugh at that. "Sorry to drag you, by the way. But Edain and Midir saw Silvia and Lewyn were here performing, and I remembered their public performances are different from the private ones, so while they went ahead, I went looking for you since you've never seen it."

"You could have said something," I chided, squeezing his hand affectionately. I couldn't be too mad; I liked their performances. "We left Chulainn behind."

"It's not like you're hard to follow. No one else has your hair color."

"Yes, yes, my coloring stands out." Even so, I looked back, worried Chulainn had gotten lost in the crowd. But of course he hadn't. He was just taking his time, likely because he was holding the basket with my purchases.

However, as he got close, I noticed someone else was coming our way: Sir Midir. In fact, Sir Midir seemed to have been waiting for Chulainn, and made sure to intercept him before Chulainn actually reached us. Though I knew it was rude to eavesdrop, the action was unusual enough that I couldn't help but step back a little so I could hear them through the crowd. And I regretted it as soon as I did, because of what the topic of conversation was.

"Have I given more thought to responding to Alicia?" Chulainn asked, clearly repeating what Sir Midir said. I could barely bite back a sigh of my own. People kept… his reply was enough for me! Wasn't that what mattered? "Even you're bringing this up now?"

"Yes, even me," Sir Midir replied, taking Chulainn's mild irritation with good humor. His accompanying smile was even a little apologetic. "And with the crowd, now is the perfect time."

"Should I be glad you're not glaring as Ethlyn does?"

"That's not my right. From my understanding, Lady Alicia does not find your response lacking. Far from it, given how happy she has been these last couple of days." Oh, well, I was glad someone acknowledged… wait, was I that obvious? "My concern centers more on you. Do you feel like you've given her a proper response?" Chulainn's shoulders tensed, the only hint that Sir Midir had hit a nerve. "It seems I was right to be concerned."

"Is there a reason you're bringing it up besides concern?"

"Simply a bit of advice, though I'm certain it's much harder than it sounds." He smiled kindly, but Chulainn eyed him warily. "If there is a reason you have not responded 'properly', then perhaps you ought to start with explaining the reason."

"..." Chulainn frowned at him. "What makes you think there is a reason?"

"It's just a guess. In my experience, Chulainn, you rarely talk around things. If you deign to speak, you prefer to be straightforward and honest, so few can misunderstand. So, when I heard your reply was roundabout, I wondered if there was something tying your tongue. Of course…" Sir Midir's smile became a little teasing. "My other thought was that the idea of her loving you was so surprising and incomprehensible to you that shock had stilled your words." At that, Chulainn pointedly looked away, a quiet show of embarrassment. "Regardless, that's all I wanted to say on the matter. I know I'm being meddlesome."

"...It's at least sincere. As I said, Ethlyn has been glowering."

"Pray, forgive her. There's little she enjoys more than seeing those she adores happy. She has been that way since she was a child."

"Right, you've known her a while."

"Since I became my lady's guard. In truth, I know those of Chalphy better than I do those of the Beige Ritter, since Lady Edain greatly adores Lord Sigurd and Lady Ethlyn and visited them often." He chuckled then. "Ah, but this reminds me. You should come drinking with Beowolf and me at some point. He's much less theatrical than the Chalphy knights."

"You…" After a moment, Chulainn sighed. "I'll think about it."

"Not a hard 'no'? We'll grow on you yet."

"Don't you have a charge to look after?"

"Lady Edain was making her way towards Lady Alicia, last I saw."

Curious about the statement, I looked around for Edain as Lewyn and Silvia finished a song. But just as I caught sight of her nearby, I realized Lewyn was looking over the crowd. So, my curiosity focused on him, and it didn't take him long at all to find me. As soon as he did, he smirked and winked before launching into a new song. It spoke of a knight, bright and true, and a beautiful maiden hidden away in a forest, who fell in love despite the odds. The subjects could not have been more obvious if he had used names.

"I shouldn't complain since this was at my request, but you'd think he'd be a little more subtle," I murmured, muffling a laugh. Dew made a confused noise. "Then again, he did say this was his way of dispelling the rumors." If he was too subtle, people could more easily dismiss it as coincidence.

"So, this is about Sigurd and Deirdre," Dew commented, grinning. I truly didn't think there was any doubt, but maybe it was more subtle than I thought. "Didn't know he had one about them."

"Ah, so is this the grand unveiling?" Had he planned it? Silvia gave him a pouty look like it wasn't before launching into a new dance. I'd ask later. "I can't wait until they hear it."

"Can I tell them? Please?" He looked up at me so earnestly I had to muffle more laughter. "I want to see their reaction!"

"Let me check Deirdre's health first." I doubted it would be very fun if she was too dizzy to react. "So, you may accompany me to her next check-up." I might have said more, but I looked up and saw Edain had pushed her way towards us. "Hello, Edain. How do you like the song?"

"I am hoping and praying I will be near when Sigurd learns, because it will be hilarious," she replied, not even bothering with a polite greeting. She was grinning too much. "Plus, it's well written and Lewyn's singing is wonderful. Sigurd won't even be able to protest on those grounds!"

"It is a shame Ethlyn and Quan didn't join us," I said, returning my attention to Lewyn as the song ended. He was looking right at me, his expression a little anxious, but when I smiled, he grinned. "It would've been nice to see their reaction."

"I tried to invite them, but the two decided they wanted to go for a ride together since they haven't been on a date in two whole weeks." She made the last words extra dramatic, and I had to bite back a laugh. "Naoise and Arden are on patrols, Alec is researching something for Sigurd, Jamke and Deirdre are chatting about Verdane since Jamke is a little homesick, Oifey was badgering Azelle about magical tactics, and I couldn't find Lachesis or Finn. Or Beowolf."

"Beowolf was discussing his pay and duties with Sigurd when we left." Sigurd had wanted to make sure they were on the same page, and that the terms were fair. "Lachesis and Finn are probably in the gardens. They take regular walks to help him regain his strength. But why was Oifey asking Azelle about tactics?"

"Well…"

"My fault, actually," Dew admitted, smiling a little sheepishly. He even hid behind me as both Edain and I looked down. "He was chattering about tactics and what was typically used in Agustria and how best to counter, and I asked why he wasn't thinking about magic. He said he didn't know much about it, and I… uh…"

"You reminded me that Azelle would know some basic magical tactics, due to being of Velthomer," I filled in, shaking my head. Poor Azelle… he must be so flustered. "I'm surprised Lex didn't drag him out anyway."

"Lex said something about 'Azelle does not want to be disturbed' and he took it seriously?"

"Oh, that means Azelle had planned on doing in-depth research today."

"Which Oifey ruined. Oops." His smile became awkward. "So… uh… how do I bribe him into a good mood?"

That sparked laughter out of Edain and me, which I barely managed to muffle, and we helped Dew plot how to earn Azelle's forgiveness as Chulainn and Sir Midir finally joined us. Lewyn and Silvia played a few more songs before declaring themselves 'done' for the day, and they eagerly met us in the crowd to drag us down more market streets. Lex and Ayra had to catch up, with Lex still carrying Shannan on his shoulders, but no one minded. All of us were smiling as we meandered about.

Driven by the good mood, we stayed out until long past sunset, even eating dinner at some food stalls, and by the time Chulainn and I finally returned to my room, I was a strange combination of 'exhausted' and 'giddy'. It was tiring being around so many people, but I did enjoy myself with the others. Still, I was glad to finally be in the safety of my own room, especially since I could hide my gifts to give them later. While I did so, Chulainn lingered by my closed door as he usually did, watching me dart back and forth through my room so I could make sure everything was hidden.

I had just hidden the last of them when he did something very strange; he locked my door. I always kept it unlocked, in case there was an emergency. He knew this. So, why would he…?

"Chulainn?" I called, hiding my question in his name. He didn't respond; he only went to ensure the curtains were shut. "Is something wrong?" Nothing looked strange or suspicious in my room at the moment, but he lingered by the window, so maybe there was something outside. "Chulainn." Since he still did not answer, I moved to his side and tried to find an answer in his expression. It was… strangely, it was hard to read for a different reason than normal. There was discomfort, fear, conflict, resolve… I had never seen so many emotions on his face before. "What happened?" Still, he didn't answer. Instead, he sat at my table and pulled off his right boot before rolling up his pant leg. "What is…?" A discoloration caught my attention, and exasperation spiked through me. "Please don't tell me you were hiding an injury." Shaking my head, I sat at his feet so I could examine the mark. And when I saw it, a thousand thoughts screamed through my head.

Yes, he did have a mark, but it wasn't a wound. It wasn't a scar. It was smooth, like a birthmark, and black in color. At first glance, it looked like three lines not unlike claw marks. On a second, it almost looked like two beasts howling. And when I touched it, I felt the buzz of power. It was a Mark.

Chulainn had a Holy Mark. Chulainn had Holy Blood. Every Holy Blood had a unique color. Some were similar, of course, but each one was unique. So, the black coloring proved this was Od. The size implied a minor. And with that small bit of knowledge, my myriad of thoughts whirled and focused on other tidbits. They focused on what he had told me, what I had seen, what Ayra had said. They sifted through it all, and came to only one conclusion.

When I looked up, Chulainn was watching me closely. He knew. He knew this was all he had to do for me to figure it out. But still, I had to ask, "Chulainn, may I ask for your birth name?"

"You already know it," he answered, a sardonic and bitter smile on his face. "My parents named me 'Setanta'." He sighed slowly, and leaned down to pull me up. I didn't quite have feeling in my legs, so I sat down in my other chair, and inanely thought how this was not how I imagined the two of us finally sharing the table. "Where to even begin with the rest, though…"

"I suppose we can start with how you are not dead." I kept my tone even, so I didn't sound accusatory. I was surprised to be certain, but I was not angry. I wasn't upset. I did not want him to think I was either. "Considering what Ayra has said…"

"To explain that, I probably should explain why the coup happened." He rolled down his pant leg again and put his boot back on. I spared a thought to be grateful he wasn't taking the 'technically true, but unhelpful' route for answering. It would be just like him to say 'I didn't get killed'. "Has Ayra mentioned anything about Sophara's role?"

"She said your house investigated corrupt nobles."

"That's one way to put it." His slight smile hinted he found it amusing. "But not the entirety." He fell silent, trying to piece together his thoughts. "A diplomat once said Isaach is the land of divine beasts, with the royal family representing the 'divine' and House Sophara representing the 'beasts'." Yes, I remembered Ayra saying something similar. "That was because the diplomat realized House Sophara's true role. We were the beasts who hid in the shadows to prop up the divinity. That is the role Germesi chose for herself, and the role all her descendents inherited."

"What do you mean?" It sounded strange, but then I thought of something Sigurd had said recently. 'One would think you had training'... "Is it similar to what you did here with Clement?"

"We always called them 'hunts'." He closed his eyes, and leaned back in the chair. I thought of Ayra's reaction, and knew now why the word had shaken her. "Isaach has its honor and principles, but such things never mattered to us. Poisons, assassins, framing, rumors, sabotage… anything and everything was a weapon for our hunts. Sometimes, they were open. Sometimes, they were covert until it came time to snap out jaws and tear out their throats. And still other times, everything was kept completely silent, bringing an illusion of divine retribution."

"You handled all the dirty work." That was the ultimate summary. The things the royal family could not afford to be associated with, they handled in their place. "Why would Germesi choose such a role?"

"Tiamat of Beasts was not only divine but a force of nature, a beast in the guise of a god. When Od received her blessing, he gained that same 'wildness' and though Germesi was only a Minor, she inherited it too. She and all her descendents..." He was back to the sardonic and bitter smile. "There was something wild to all of us, something not quite human." …My instinct was to protest, but I remembered thinking the exact same thing. Both had been times Chulainn did not bother to mask his true thoughts. "And Germesi chose to embrace it. If others called her a beast in human skin, then why should she not act as such? 'I will be your dog, dear sister,' she declared. 'Your hunting, your attack, and your guard. Simply promise I and mine will only ever be yours.' And so it was. Our network was pretty extensive too. From our 'fangs', who served primarily as assassins, to our 'claws', who functioned primarily as spies and sabotage… there was nowhere in Isaach we couldn't reach."

"It seems Ayra was right in that she didn't know the full extent." She'd only known they had 'hunted' corrupt nobles.

"No, and I never had any intention of telling her. I had enough headaches with Mariccle knowing." He sighed, sounding terribly exasperated. "I knew from a young age what my role was. I learned to read off spy reports, as did Eigyr. Fiachra had just started his lessons when everything happened." Didn't Ayra say his siblings had been six and three when they died? "It was our normal. We didn't think anything was strange. Meaning it was annoying when Mariccle kept flinching over it. 'It is the duty of an older sibling to protect the younger', he'd mutter. I'd remind him that siblings were supposed to support each other. Think it happened once a visit."

"I see." What to say? How should I react? I didn't know and, more importantly, I didn't think Chulainn knew either. "So, did the coup happen because of revenge?"

"No, not really." He opened his eyes, and they were so resigned they almost appeared apathetic. "As I said, all of House Sophara had something wild to them. Many thought we were more like beasts than human, even among our own. Therefore, is it really a surprise some humans got tired of being ruled by beasts? People barely tolerate the divine." …I suppose there were pettier reasons. "Though it's possible they had other reasons. Most of my memories of that day are a blur, so I doubt I'd remember if there were other motives bandied about the 'kill the beasts' they were shouting. I remember how Eigyr died, though. She was thrown out a window. Fiachra was kicked to the side and hit the wall so hard his neck snapped." He relayed their fates clinically, like they had happened to someone else, witnessed by someone else. "Mother… well, she'd always been a demon in a fight. She took so many wounds that day the attackers had to dismember her before they truly believed her dead. I don't know how Father died, but I saw them mutilate his body afterwards."

"And you were spared."

"Surprisingly, yes." He shrugged. "Some of their comments hinted they hadn't intended on killing my siblings either. It was happenstance. But they didn't kill me and, instead, sold me to slavers to secure funds."

"They did what?"

"Sold me. Isn't that one of the fates for beasts? They're killed, sold, or put to work." Some part of me wanted to argue, maybe bringing up the cats and dogs kept as pets, but I couldn't find the words. Even then, pets had owners. "The slavers tried to figure out what to do with me, and realized that with my noble background and training, I'd make a decent gladiator. So, they threw me into the fighting pit." Again, he said the words clinically. I couldn't decide if I was numb from frozen anger or pain. "I didn't kill the first one, of course. Killing should always serve a purpose, or so I was taught. Needless killing was gluttonous."

"Did…" I was surprised at how even my tone was. I had to twist my fingers into my skirt to keep from grabbing him, holding him. I did not think he would welcome anyone's touch right now. "Did they hurt you for sparing them?"

"No, such things didn't matter. My owners won; that's all they cared about." I hated he could speak of it so lightly. "I saw my opponent's corpse later, a broken heap dumped into the midden. Near as I could tell, they'd been beaten to death for losing." I hated the people who so easily disregarded a life even more. "The second one… they didn't get treatment for their injuries, and died from sepsis."

"Chulainn, how old were you?"

"Hmm? Oh, I was eight. The others were around the same age. Making children fight was more entertaining to them than trained adults." I had never been so nauseous in my life. "Where was… ah, the third one died in their next match. They were forced to fight without proper rest in an attempt to recoup losses." He shrugged it off, because to him, this used to be his normal. Perhaps, in a way, it still was. "I killed the fourth one. I was skilled enough to ensure it was quick."

"Did no one notice so many children were…?" I couldn't finish the question. I remembered what he'd said.

His smile grew into something broken, because he knew why I stopped. "None of us were the 'right kind' of child to cause a fuss." The only one who was… had been him, and given what happened, no one would've thought he'd been sold to slavers. "I don't know why I decided to survive. It wasn't revenge. Revenge wouldn't serve anything. I would not find closure, nor would I reclaim all I lost. And it wasn't spite, because after a few months, I couldn't even think, much less be spiteful. Maybe it was just habit. Regardless, it all eventually blended together, and might have continued if not for…" He fell silent, gathering his thoughts again. All I could think of were the warehouse children. This was something Gabriel and Ellen had barely avoided. This was something the other children, who had not been saved, could be suffering right now. "It was the fourth Party I'd experienced."

"Party?"

"That's what they called it. Investigators were getting too close, so everyone was invited for one last party so they could purge the place." He said the word with such tired bitterness my heart keened. Then my heart ached more because I remembered Sir Alec had said something about this in the past. "They gather all the child gladiators together and tell them a pretty little story. They're all going to fight at the same time, a free-for-all, and the last one standing gets their freedom."

"I highly doubt they'd leave a potential witness alive."

"Of course not. The ones they wanted to keep were already pulled to the side. We'd stand in a separate room while the party went on and on, using every bit of food and alcohol still on the premises. Outside, documents were carefully burned and the spectators would bid on who would last the longest. Then, once a winner emerged from the muck, they'd send one of us to kill them." He scoffed. "Not sure why they went with the story. Only the newer ones would believe it. The rest fought simply because it was what they were used to."

"I... I see." I didn't, truthfully, but there was nothing else to say. "And this was your fourth?"

"Yes. I'd been the only one pulled aside for it, probably because I was at an age they needed to figure out what to do with me next. I didn't know how long it had been, but I was the oldest of the gladiators. I was skilled, and they were running out of ideas to keep things interesting. Throwing me into the pit against a crowd only led to a crowd of deaths. They did get a lot of money for the sequential fights, where I would fight opponents one after another, but that would lose its luster before long. Both only lasted as long as they did because I was the only one who could pull it off." He was probably the only one because of his Holy Blood, but all I could remember was how he'd been run through and still fought at the Siege. All I could remember was how nonchalant he'd been about it, and how he'd been amused and confused by Deirdre's concern. "I didn't pay attention. There was no point. It was the same as always. But..." He sighed, thoroughly exasperated. "But then the stupidest thing in the world happened."

"What was it?" I leaned forward a little, resting my arms on the table. I had to clasp my hands together to keep from reaching for his. "I take it you were the one they sent in to..."

"I was. And the survivor was a six-year-old girl with dark black hair and bright blue eyes. Just like Eigyr." He gestured vaguely at himself. "I took after Mother in coloring. Eigyr... she used to complain all the time about being the only one with dark hair. Fiachra would then whine about how he didn't get our blue eyes. I always told them they were complaining to be complaining."

"And the survivor looked like her."

"Only in age and coloring. Well, and she had Isaachian heritage. That was it. But that was..." He sounded irritated at himself. "I don't even know why it broke through the haze. My sister was long dead, rotting in the dirt. But there was this little girl who reminded me of her and all I could think was 'I have to get her out of here'." He shrugged. "So, I did."

"I can't imagine the spectators were pleased."

"They weren't, and they couldn't believe one of their toys was turning on them. So, they attacked, to try and put me in my place. I retaliated, and ended up killing all but the one who had the sense to hide under the floorboards."

"Oh?" Wait, this sounded familiar and, more importantly, he fell silent like he was waiting for a specific response. So I thought, and remembered. "Wait, the Beast..."

"Is me." He was back to the sardonic smile. "Rather awkward conversation, that. It did answer my long-standing question of 'why they didn't look for me harder', though." No wonder he'd been rigid. "Regardless, the rest of the tale is simple. I carried her out, found a church who could actually keep her safe, stumbled onto another town, and learned it had been eight years since Sophara fell, and I was sixteen years old." ...He lost... eight years...? "Fighting was all I knew by that point, so I became a mercenary."

"Why the name 'Chulainn'?"

"It's what the girl kept calling me. 'Chulainn' is the protagonist of a popular folktale in Isaach, and for some reason, she was convinced I was him." The off-handed way he said it made it sound like he had no idea why. But if I had been stuck in a hell, only to be carried to safety by the most random of strangers, I probably would've been convinced my savior was a hero of legend too. "It's a fairly popular name, though, so no one batted an eye about it."

"You didn't return to Sophara?"

"Why would I? The Sophara I knew was gone. And the only things that remained were..." He struggled for a word and then waved it off. "They would be looking for 'Setanta of Sophara'. And he died. He died with his family, all those years ago. I'm naught but a mercenary born from his corpse." That... Part of me honestly wanted to argue. The stories I'd heard from Ayra and his own actions... they hinted Chulainn really wasn't that different from his younger self. But I held back, because it wasn't my place to say and, more importantly, it might have been the only way he could cope with everything that happened. "That's why I avoided Isaach even as I traveled as a mercenary. You can imagine my surprise when I eventually learned Ayra and Shannan were now under Sigurd's protection."

"That's why you kept staring at Shannan that day, wasn't it?"

"You did notice. I'd wondered." He smiled faintly. "Anyway, I had heard and I was curious. Why would someone of Sigurd's rank do something so risky? I wanted to know, and the fastest way to learn about a lord is to fight those who serve him, so I joined the tournament solely to get an answer. Hadn't meant to make my interest obvious, but I really couldn't help but stare when I saw him. He looks just like Mariccle."

"You must not have expected to fight Ayra."

"No, and my interest was piqued further. When I considered that I owed Sigurd for taking them in..." He shrugged. "I took the job he offered." And I chose against pointing out that 'Chulainn the mercenary' would not have a reason to owe Sigurd for taking in the childhood friend of 'Setanta of Sophara'. It wasn't my place. "That's... the gist of my past. I wanted... needed..." He trailed off, looking away awkwardly, but I knew what he wanted to say anyway.

He wanted to tell me because he felt like I needed to know. Before he gave a 'proper response' to my confession, before this went too long or too far, he wanted me to know the secrets he kept close and refused to tell anyone. It was his way of giving me a chance to walk away. If it was too much, then I could step back. It was the same sort of quiet consideration he gave to everyone, the gently awkward kindness I adored.

So, I smiled, stood, and stepped towards him. I cradled his face in my hands and brushed a clumsy kiss over his mouth before placing a lingering kiss on his forehead. "You seem rather warm for a corpse," I whispered, the only 'protest' I would ever say about how he was 'different' from his younger self. I may not have the right, but I still felt like I should say it. "And thank you for telling me." I pulled away just enough to see him, just enough to smile at him. After all, why would I run from him? Nothing he said changed anything for me; it only added context. "Truly."

He stared up at me in what I thought might be wonder for a second before he yanked me forward. I tumbled into his lap and while I tried to brace myself, he wrapped his arms around me tightly and buried his face in my neck. "I love you," he rasped, the words shaking like they were the hardest things to say. But the sincerity in them nearly hurt. "I love you, I love you, I love you."

Overwhelmed, I hugged him back tightly, running a hand through his hair. I didn't know what to say. I didn't think there was anything I could say. But that was fine. He didn't need a verbal reply, anymore than I had.

He knew. I knew. And that was enough.

---

Author's note: And so, we have an official couple! Yay! There's... uh... nothing about any of Chulainn's past in the game. The most you get is that he and Ayra were childhood friends and that he was from Sophara. So, I made up something to explain how a noble from a house of presumably high standing (since he has Holy Blood and all) would end up as a mercenary/gladiator on the other side of the continent, tying it to the corruption and whatnot that spurs Arvis into doing what he does. (Yes, he could've just run away, but that is neither here nor there.)

As mentioned in the notes of the previous chapter, Beowolf is a mercenary who starts his own archetype. In-game, he… shows next to no reaction to killing his long-time friend and mercenary group, shrugging it off as 'well, that is how life goes'. So, added a touch more to it. The mention of Lachesis is because he has a talk with her, where she gains some much needed stats (and a love point boost). The same talk mentions he's actually an old friend of Eldigan's, but this is never elaborated on. So, I added a reason.

The 'widespread rash due to toxins in blood' Alicia mentioned in her lesson is meant to be toxic shock syndrome. It's just harder to explain in a setting that lacks bacteria classification.

Filat's visit actually occurs in the cutscene after Anphony's captured, but I moved it here for an easier transition into Sigurd asking Alicia more about Cigyun and Kurth (Filat is also the one who tells Sigurd the full story in-game). The rumors mentioned also come straight from the game, an important hint to what's to come.

(Why yes, Sophara dubbing their assassins 'fangs' is a reference to FE7. How did you know?)