After The Sunset
The seas around Jappa, a long way away from Greece, Post-S6E22
Gabrielle stood on the main deck of the ship, her stomach feeling a little queasy, but no more than she could manage. She stared out into the sea and saw only Xena's face reflecting back at her. Her ashes were safely tucked inside the cabin, but looking out into the wide unknown, she felt Xena's presence with her. She always did but now more than ever. She was pondering where she would go next. What she would do when she reached dry land. Xena always seemed to know where she was headed, even if she didn't know the way. Perhaps she would go back to the Amazon Nation, they had always sheltered her when Xena died. But something felt different now, she knew all that Xena did, she could follow on from her. Be her legacy. Continue to help where it was needed. She could look for Eve, tell her how much she was loved even though Xena wasn't here to tell her herself.
She missed the feeling of Xena's skin on hers. The way their hands gripped each other so tightly. After a long day their arms were sometimes peppered with tiny bruises. Sometimes Xena didn't know her own strength. Sometimes she would look over them in the morning and apologise, but Gabrielle rarely noticed, beside the other scrapes and cuts they gathered during fights. The bard hadn't realised that was something she was going to miss. She looked down at her hands, her eyes couldn't meet the sea now, not if Xena was watching her. She knew the dead could hear the thoughts of the guilty, but she was used to Xena knowing her thoughts. Gabrielle felt herself retreating into the cabin, her legs carrying her absentmindedly. She could no longer stare at the sea. It was making her stomach churn, and as flashes of Xena's lifeless body came back to her, she doubled over the side of the boat and threw up.
The cabin was kept tidy but the desk was strewn with old quills and rolls of parchment. A testament to Gabrielle's scattered mind. She sat and held her head in her hands, her palms were sweaty but she tried not to focus on it. "Xena- I can't do this," her voice hitched in her throat. It was like she had to force the words out. She knew it was selfish of her to wish Xena would come back for her, and she knew it was Xena's fate to redeem her past. But she didn't care. Xena was the one person for whom she would forsake the greater good.
When she looked back up, Xena was sitting in the chair opposite her. "Chin up," she said.
It took Gabrielle a few moments to register quite what she was seeing. "Xena?" It was more of a whisper than a word. Xena was sitting with her legs and arms crossed and a smug expression on her face, like she could see the cogs inside Gabrielle's brain whirring as she tried to process this. She leant over the desk with her chin propped up and brushed some of the hair out of Gabrielle's eyes. "I'm dreaming," Gabrielle said as Xena started stroking the side of her cheek. She pinched her eyes closed and when she opened them again, Xena was still staring at her. Her piercing eyes dancing in the flickering candle light.
"Maybe, but why spoil it," Xena replied. "We're can be together in your dreams, you know the dead can visit the living."
"I can feel you," Gabrielle said, reaching out and holding Xena's face. She was there, real, soft under her fingertips. "I don't feel sick anymore," she clenched her stomach, but no, there was nothing but the soft floating feeling of butterflies now she was looking at the woman she loved. "I hate that you had to go away, but I understand. You didn't leave me."
"And I never will, you hear me." She brought Gabrielle's hand to her lips and kissed it, "I never will."
Gabrielle shook her head lightly, "where do I go Xena?"
"You know where to go," Xena replied all-knowingly.
"I do," the blonde stuck to her own will for a moment and felt a burning low in her belly. This was something she'd learned from Xena, to always know where she was headed. And she did know. She could feel her heart pulsing a song as Xena looked at her, believed in her. "I'm going to Eve, I need to tell her what you did. I know she'd be proud of you."
Xena in death, was confident as ever, but in this moment, faltered. "She has a wild mind."
"She has your mind, oh Xena she must know I love her as you do." Gabrielle said, inching ever closer to the figment in her dream.
"She knows, Gabrielle."
Gabrielle's eyes dipped again, looking down at the table. It was at once so shiny she could see Xena's reflection in it, so she looked up. "Oh Xena," Gabrielle uttered, her lips falling against Xena's as the candles dimmed into a waxy grave. "I love you, Xena," she murmured against her, "I-" but the next thing she knew, she was laying face down on the table. Her lips pressed to the wood and her hands numb. She rubbed her eyes and pushed her hair out of her face, she was sweating profusely. Her forehead was clammy and the churn of her stomach was back. Every sense on board a ship was heightened and she lurched forward as she came round. She wondered how long she would keep seeing Xena, somehow she expected the visions to stop coming eventually. She hoped she would never stop seeing her. It was the sense of her, being able to feel her, even though it was only a dream, that Gabrielle treasured.