A/N — when I wrote A Time to Mourn, I was considering using that as the jumping off point into a longer Danara story. Although I went a different path, I did want to work the scene in here, hence why this chapter may seem familiar. This time we are getting Danny's perspective and I have made some changes to better fit this story. xoxo — kals

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Chapter 22: I'm gonna love you 'til my lungs give out, I promise 'til death we part like in our vows

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Danny walked by her door three times before knocking. Hearing noise from inside, Danny leaned against the opposite bulkhead, legs crossed as he waited. When she eventually opened the door, he could see the rings under her eyes, realizing that she must have splashed water on her face before answering the door, not wanting anyone to know that she had been crying. Kara didn't immediately speak, instead merely staring at Danny. Finally, she gestured him inside, closing the door behind them.

As soon as the door closed, Danny pulled her into his arms, doing what he had wanted to do every single minute since he stood before her and Captain Slattery to report Carlton's death. In a strange way, tonight felt exactly like that long ago day in Gitmo when Kara held him while he mourned Frankie. But, unlike that day, Danny knew that he wasn't the one hurting the most right now. Kara had known Carlton for longer than anyone on the ship, longer than anyone still alive other than Debbie. And after this last year, losing first Andrea and then Alisha and now Carlton, Danny didn't need to be told that Kara was struggling. He knew, because he lived through it during those days after Gitmo, when all he wanted to do was push everyone away in an effort to stop feeling.

He wasn't going to let her push him away the way he had pushed her away.

Kara stood stiffly. "I'm fine."

"I'm not." Danny buried his head in her shoulder, not bothering to hide his tears. "I packed up Burk's gear. I thought that might be easier for you."

As though that were her breaking point, Kara melted into him and, a moment later, Danny realized that she was sobbing. The tears drenching his shirt.

"A spear gun," she choked. "A frigging spear gun."

"A kid with a spear gun," Danny added, voice harsh. "A kid who I killed."

Kara pulled back, hands rising to frame Danny's face. "No. You killed the person who killed your brother. You killed the person who would've taken you out. It was him or you, Danny. Don't make it more than that."

He stared, his eyes boring into her, and he believed her. Kara knew him better than he knew himself. She had been right back at Gitmo about him not dealing with Frankie's death. She had been right in San Diego about going after Allison Shaw. She had been right about how foolish he was to try to run away from his problems.

His compass.

But tonight wasn't about him. Because this time Danny knew that he would survive. After all, he had been through this before — first with Frankie and then with Berchem and Smith and Cosetti and Cruz, the never-ending list. Each dead because Danny couldn't save them. That guilt never completely left, but Danny knew he could live with it.

Been there, done that.

Kara, on the other hand, was back where he was in those dark days before Rachel found the cure, having lost friend after friend in a seemingly never-ending nightmare with no time to deal or process or imagine things getting better. He lifted a hand to cup her face. "Carlton kept telling me that one of these days he was going to get sick of listening to me whine and kick my ass for being such a dumb ass to you and Frankie."

"Really?" Kara cocked her head. "I didn't know that you two talked about me."

Danny shook his head. "We didn't. Said you were like his sister. The last thing he wanted to hear were details."

Kara snorted. "So when..."

"Back when Frankie was born, Burk told me that he would keep an eye on you and Frankie if anything happened to me. Those weren't just words to him."

Fresh tears streamed down her face. "Carlton was always there."

"He would track me down at the gym or the bar. Drag me back to his place. Call me an idiot for throwing away the best part of my life. Said I was wallowing, and people needed to stop pussyfooting around me." Danny shook his head. "He was right. I was running away, acting like I could leave my problems behind. Trouble was that my problems followed me, and the only things I lost were the ones that mattered. You. Frankie. Our life in a damn suburb in Florida bickering over who was going to make dinner."

"Danny..." Kara stopped, and he rushed to fill the silence.

"The guys were always protecting me, always volunteering for the worst assignments so I couldn't, doing everything possible to keep me safe because of Frankie. But it backfired. Every time I saw someone take a hit meant for me, I felt the need to prove myself more. Prove that I was helping them, not hindering them. Prove that I was still a damn good operator. Burk was the only one who got it."

Kara smiled, and fresh tears rose to her eyes. "I remember the day Admiral Slattery told me that Carlton would be my XO. He said the two of us made a perfect team. I was the hard ass and Carlton was the motivational speaker."

Danny bit down on his lip. "Slattery was right. Burk could be an idiot with women, but he understood people. Earlier, after I saw you, I told him that I was quitting after this, going home. The last thing he said to me was not to fuck things up with you again."

A minute of silence passed, and then Kara drew back. Moving towards her desk, before she stopped. Fidgeting.

"What you said earlier," she paused, swallowed, "about coming home. If you need more time ... I understand."

How could he have been so stupid?

How could he have upended his life, almost ruined his marriage, because he was afraid to tell her about his fears?

Danny moved quickly, tipping her chin up so their eyes met. "I meant what I said, Kara. I don't need more time. I don't want more time. Because if anything, losing Burk reminded me that tomorrow might not be there. I'm not saying it will be easy. Turning it off is ... hard. I know that, and I can't promise that I won't hurt you again. But I can promise you that I'm done running."

He waited, but Kara stayed silent, and Danny thought back to that day in Josh's office. When he pushed too hard, too fast, and almost lost her for good. Danny forced himself to release her, taking a step back, but his gaze didn't waiver. "You said earlier that we would talk once I got back. I'm going to hold you to that, Kara."

"Do you..." She stopped, biting her lip before she continued. "Do you think that we can make it through this, Danny?"

"Remember what you said to me before I shipped out this last time? About your first heartbreak?" He asked.

People always say that your first heartbreak is the worst. I don't think that's true. I think every time hurts just as much. The difference is that once you've been through it, you know that you can do it again. Your heart may not be quite as good as new, but it will still work.

He waited, watching as she thought back, recalling what she said. Danny smiled at Kara, not the smile she claimed to love, but the kind of smile he would give Frankie. "This isn't my first rodeo."

He backed away, his hand on the door when she spoke, her voice cracking. "Danny, wait!"

He turned, waiting silently. Kara reached out, grasping his hand, twisting her fingers through his.

"Unless you have somewhere to be, I wouldn't mind a few hours of company."

Flicking the latch, Danny turned. Carlton might be gone, and Danny knew that he would grieve the loss of his friend forever. But Kara was still here, alive, and he wasn't going to waste any more time trying to understand why some people lived and some people died. Tonight, all he wanted to do was spend what might be his last moments alive with his wife.

"Aye, aye, Captain."