The moment Clark arrived on the farm; was the moment everything came up again…
How could he be so stupid? How could he be so mean? He failed! He failed so terribly! One year ago, everything changed! One year ago, Clark ruined this family! All because he was ignorant! Ignorant, dumb, blended, stupid and self-focused…
He couldn't believe that already a full year had passed! A year that made evident how terrible his mistake was. A year that was visible everywhere at this place. The crops around the farmhouse were all rotten. The weed had taken over everything. The porch was dirty. The windows covered in dust. And Clark could imagine that it didn't look better inside.
The 'For Sale' sign at the road was rotting unnoticed… Clark knew it will be standing there for a very long time. Nobody wants to live in Smallville…
Clark had this terrible feeling, every time he visits the farm since this fateful day. This feeling of helplessness, failure, pain, sorrow, regret… All the nice feelings this place had for him before were gone. His happy childhood, the warmth he received from his adoptive parents, the protection, and the safety… all this wasn't anymore… Not since that fateful day! Not since they all proved, that they are not the family they all supposed to be…
The moment Clark put his key into the lock to get inside… all the memories shot back into his head like a tidal wave…
One year ago…
Clark was as happy as never before in his entire life when he flew side by side with Jordan. And Jordan was as happy as he had never before in his life. An incredible feeling. And Clark's heart melted when he saw how much fun Jordan had and how much he enjoyed it.
After talking to Jonathan in the barn and when the boy told him about Jordan's sorrow and his attempt to talk to Lana about everything, Clark was worried. He found Jordan full of sorrow, sitting on the bench that was dedicated to his grandmother and brooding. And Clark found the perfect solution for Jordan's sorrows. Thanks to Jon-El, he knew that Jordan should be able to fly. And so, he took him to the fortress, giving Jordan the best day of his life.
Jonathan meanwhile stood in the barn and looked around. He finished all the chores and his father, and his brother were still gone. Wondering what happened and why his father was gone for so long this time. Maybe there was an emergency again. He was used to that.
Jonathan was polishing the tractor when he suddenly heard a car approaching. He left the barn to see that his mother and his grandfather arrived back. Both leaving Sam's car and approaching the house…
"MOM!" Jonathan said to catch their attention.
"Jonathan, where are your father and your brother?" Lois asked. No hello, no formal greeting, not even looking on him.
"In town!"
"And you?"
"I was here! Dad's chore-list!" Jonathan responded. "Mom, Grandpa good that you are back. I need to tell you something."
"Later! We are very busy…" Lois said. In her minds she was with Lucy, who was not with the rest of the inverse society today and who still didn't pick up the phone.
"It's important!" Jonathan said.
"What?" Sam asked. His voice sounds a bit annoyed. "Jonathan, we are on rush. We need to talk to your father and your brother."
"Dad left hours ago to look for Jordan." Jonathan responded. "What? What is going on?"
"Nothing!" Lois said. She wanted to keep her sons out of the drama around her sister and the cult she was trapped in. And she knew that Jonathan won't be helpful. "Just… some trouble with your aunt Lucy!"
"But… It's really important! Dad and I had talked, and I was thinking…" the teen said before there was suddenly a boom in the air that indicated Clark's arrival.
Jonathan, Lois, and Sam turned around see Clark landing on the property with a loud thud. Followed by Jordan just a second later, who was laying on the ground next to Clark now. Clark said something about that his landings getting better before they turned to their stunned family members.
"Where have you been so long?" Jonathan asked.
"I took your brother for a little training session to the fortress!" Clark said happily.
"Yeah, dad took me flying!" Jordan said even happier.
Jonathan could feel a painful stitch in his heart. Suddenly it was if the whole world stopped spinning. Everything good that he thought happened earlier that day turned out to be a lie…
"Flying?" Sam asked.
"YEAH… I made it!" Jordan said, still full of joy. "I can fly!"
"Really?" Lois and Sam said at once and turned away from Jonathan to focus completely on Jordan.
In shock, Jonathan saw Lois and Sam approaching Jordan to congratulate him happily. Showering him with praises and telling him how proud they are on him. Jonathan realized once again that nothing changed. Even his mother and his grandfather. They forgot everything, too and focused now completely on Jordan. He should have known it…
"Hey, Jon… Isn't that awesome? That's the best Power of all!" Jordan said looking on his brother.
Jonathan made a face as if he just got slapped. His face turned deeply red, and it was trembling. Of course, flying was the best power of all. And now his brother was able to. While he got left behind to do his chores. And obviously they all don't care. Because Jordan had the one power, Jonathan secretly hoped he never develops.
"Where should I know? I never flew!"
"You should congratulate your brother!" Sam ordered sternly.
Lois was the first to realize that Jonathan looked very offended and could see his body start to tremble.
"I… I…" Jonathan stuttered. Now Jordan could see how pale and shocked his brother was. "I can't!"
Jonathan turned around and walked away.
"Nice that you two had fun together while I was here! For that I made all the chores alone! I… I need to get away from here!" Jonathan said full of disgust and turned around to go into the house. Not knowing what was worse: His father forgetting him, ditching him, or telling Jordan that he is proud on him? "Well… At least I know now what my place in this family is! The errand-boy who cleans up after you while you spend time together. So that's your solution for me!"
"Hey, are you not happy for me that I can fly?" Jordan asked.
Suddenly Clark's bright smile vanished. As he suddenly remembered that he promised Jonathan to help him today. That Jonathan was really in need and that he was struggling. With his life, with his position in the family and his future. And Clark left him alone doing chores! To leave and fly around the Arctic to cheer up Jordan. Just minutes after Jonathan told him how bad he feels. He told him he is back, soon! But was gone with Jordan for hours to teach him to fly! While Jonathan is alone on the farm!
"OH… ehm… Sorry, Jonathan! I am here now! Let's talk!" Clark said.
Everyone could see the shame in his face. Even Jordan began to realize that they might just hurt Jon. Angrily Jonathan pushed away his father's hands when he put his hand on his shoulder. His face full of fury.
"NO! I HEARD ENOUGH LIES FROM YOU! And I don't want any pity! I am sick and tired of you always pretending to be a father, while I know you rather want to spend time with your Kryptonian son!"
"Jonathan, please calm down! I am sorry, okay! It was not okay from me to leave you alone. Now we all calm down! Let's go I inside and we talk…" Clark tried to calm down the situation, but Jonathan was still too furious about his father's hypocrite behavior.
"You always lied to me! You lied to me for years about who you are! When we moved here, you lied to me that you want to spend more time with me! Instead, you only spend time with Jordan because he has your powers, and you have something in common! You… lied to me when you promised me to talk about everything when I had trouble to adjust here. Every time I ask you for something, you change the topic to him…"
Seeing how Jon pointed with his finger on him, let Jordan flinch. Just a minute ago, he was so happy to be able to fly. And now he realized that the trip might had the purpose to show Jonathan that he is inferior…
"Jonathan, please!" Clark now literally begged. Seeing Jonathan cry was hard for him. "I am really sorry! I know things had been a bit crazy lately, but we will find a solution…"
"LATELY?" Jonathan yelled. "LIAR! LEAVE ME ALONE!"
"Jonathan…" now Lois interfered. "…please calm down!"
"All the time I felt left out, you promised to me that things will get better." Jonathan yelled on his mother now. "When they flew away to the fortress you appeased me with your car radio. When I was dumped you appeased me. You always tell me that everything is to help Jordan. And I? When he broke my arm, you didn't care. When he almost killed me, you didn't care! And now you only praise him for being able to fly, too!"
"Jonathan, I admit it. Of course, flying with your father is better than every Radio." Lois said a bit ashamed. "I just wanted you to feel better!"
Jonathan turned to face Sam now…
"And you… when we moved here and before you knew about Jordan's powers, you told me and him to don't bother my father to let him fully focus on being Superman. All while he pretended, and I believed that he wants to spend time with me. Then, when you made them sick with your synthetic Kryptonite, you told me to be afraid of them!"
"You did what?" Clark asked his father-in-law shocked. Not believing how Sam could do that: Trying to create a rift between him and his sons? Before Sam, who was angry now, could respond Jonathan continued with his rant…
"Then, when you retired, you said you want to spend more time with us! Instead, you only show up to train Jordan. Because… because he is suddenly something special! A few months ago, you said he is a thread and suddenly he is your favorite. While I am a useless human who does not get anything right and is just a distraction."
Tears shoot in Jonathan's eyes when he yelled these words. And Sam was totally pale, too. Thinking about it, it was very unfair to not spend time with Jonathan, too. And considering his words, Jonathan really must had been felt very offended when he sent him away to focus on training Jordan. Jonathan is powerless and would have been only a distraction.
"You don't have powers! You wouldn't be a help in the current situation!" Sam said. Jonathan's face turned even paler, and Jordan suddenly got this terrible feeling. "You are no help, and your brother is the bigger priority!"
"Just say it: I am useless!" Jonathan yelled again. "You think I am just there to get saved all the time. Superboy here is so great and so special. When I am in trouble, I am supposed to hide behind him and not fight by myself for my own safety or my rights. Because I am supposed to be a damsel in distress!"
More tears ran down Jonathan's face. And his family realized that Jonathan was taking everything worse than they always imagined.
"Jonathan, it is a matter of national safety." Sam said. "When your brother asked me to train him…"
"YOU KEPT IT A SECRET FROM ME! AND THEN YOU TREATED ME LIKE A DISTRACTION!" Jonathan yelled. "I KNEW ALL THOSE FISHING TRIPS WERE JUST A COVER BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT I WOULD BE THE ONE WITH POWERS! You got Jordan now! So, sorry that I was just a waste of time for you!"
"JONATHAN…" now Clark yelled in despair when Jon turned away again. "…please, look at me! Tell me the truth! What are you feeling!"
Clark feared the answer. Before they told the boys the truth, he always expected Jordan to be devastated that he is powerless. Or that he is ashamed. He was relieved when Jonathan said he was fine. But that depends on what happened. Now after everything Jonathan went through, he had to admit that the boy reached his breaking point. He was so focused on training Jordan that he didn't waste a single mind on how Jonathan must feel as the powerless one.
"You want to hear the truth? Okay! I HATE IT! I HATE THIS FUCKING TOWN! I HATE ALL THE CRAPPY PEOPLE HERE! I HATE JORDAN'S CRAP POWERS! I HATE THAT HE HAS POWERS AND EVERYONE TELLING ME THAT HE IS BETTER THAN ME! I HATE THAT HALF OF TOWN IS ON X-K AND THAT I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO IS PUNISHED FOR IT! AND MOST OF ALL I HATE YOU AND THE FACT THAT YOU WOULD ONLY LOVE ME IF I HAD POWERS!"
Jonathan's face turned deeply red when he yelled these words. And everyone could see that he was very ashamed. He wasn't mad, he was ashamed!
"I came with you to this awful town. I gave up everything! My friends, my future… I endured every embarrassment and every humiliation! I never asked for anything too big. But when I ask you for just one second of attention you show me that I am not worth to. Because it doesn't matter. I am just a worthless human civilian who doesn't matter!"
Jonathan burst out in tears again and he ran away. Leaving his shocked and devastated family behind.
Jonathan ran up the stair of the porch and smashed the door close after him violently, to escape from the views of his family…
"Clark… did you leave Jonathan alone?" Lois asked shocked. "Without ELT and with his doppelganger out there?"
Sam found no words…
Clark meanwhile speeded into the house to see Jonathan running up the stairs…
"Jonathan, please… I am sorry okay! I know it was not fair from me leave you alone!"
"Not fair?" Jon yelled and walked down the stair again. "I tell you what is not fair: Always taking the fall when Jordan screws up! Always asking myself why nobody wants to give a chance! Seeing others being successful because they have powers or take X-K! Getting punished for hiding Jordan's so-called talent! Get my bones broken! But what do you know about how a broken arm feels? Someone who can't even get a mosquito bite can't understand what real pain is!"
Clark became pale again. Every time Jonathan broke his arm, he was feeling bad for him. But he also never experienced a broken arm by himself. He could not compare it to the pain he feels from Kryptonite. The rest of the family came in through the open door, too.
"Jonathan, I know I shouldn't have leave you alone! But please, calm down! Today was…"
"TODAY?! What about all the times you took Jordan to your fortress? Or when you decided to spend time together and exclude me from everything? My whole live I always wondered why you never wanted to spend time with me or Jordan. You never wanted me to be part of this family ever since you figured out that you got your perfect Kryptonian son in Jordan. Your true heir! Your pride! And I am just the genetic human failure you have to hide, and you are ashamed of."
"Jonathan, that's not true!" Clark was upset. "Is it that what you are mad of? That I never took you to your grandfather… If this is what you want, I take you to your grandmother now."
"No! I don't need your pity! And why I should go to that place? To get a speech that I don't belong there, that I will never be like you and him and that I am not allowed to know anything? Anyway, she never wanted to see me before! Why should I go there now? I HATE KRYPTON! THERE IS NOTHING GOOD COMING FROM THAT PLACE!"
Jonathan turned around again and wanted to storm upstairs. But Clark grabbed his arm.
"Jonathan, she is your grandmother, too. Of course, you have the right to…"
"MY GRANDMOTHER IS DEAD!" Jonathan screamed. "SHE IS DEAD! And suddenly my father turns out to be Superman and is only interested in his powered child! You never wanted me! And today you only proved me that no matter what I do and no matter how much I need you, that you only care of your own kind! The one that can fly!"
Clark's heart broke when he heard these accusations. He always feared that it could happen. But he always guessed it would be Jordan who is having a tantrum like that. And not Jonathan, who was always so supportive, understanding, so perfect, and selfless. The boy definitely reached his breaking point.
"I never had a problem with having no powers. But it sucks that everyone constantly reminds me that I am a failure. I GIVE UP! I AM NOT A PART OF THIS FAMILY AND I NEVER WILL BE! SO, STOP PRETENDING THAT I AM YOUR SON! BECAUSE I KNOW YOU RATHER WANT MY DOPPELGANGER TO BE YOUR SON! HE KILLED A LOT OF PEOPLE BUT AT LEAST HE CAN FLY! IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW EVIL YOU ARE, OR HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU KILL, AS LONG AS YOU ARE KRYPTONIAN!"
"You are Kryptonian, too!" Clark said. "From the day you have been born! Powers or not! You are as much Kryptonian as your brother…"
Saying out these words loudly made it more obvious for Clark that he made a huge mistake that he didn't brought Jonathan to Jor-El, too that day. Or that he still didn't introduce him to Lara, who asked regularly for Jonathan and how he develops…
"I get you to your grandmother now…"
"I am human! I am not Kryptonian, I am not your son, and I am not a part of this family. You made me that clear today! I AM DONE WITH YOU! SCREW YOU ALL!"
Jonathan grabbed his father's glasses, tore them off his face and shattered them on the wall. Everyone was shocked by that.
"You are not my father; you are just an alien who pretends to be!" Jonathan said spiteful before he turned to Jordan. "And we are no brothers! You are an alien! A selfish crybaby alien who gets everything he wants, just because he has some freaky powers, he loves to use to prove everyone that he is better than me!"
And with that, Jonathan ran upstairs, to hide in his room to cry.
Clark was frozen in place. Not able to process everything. He just looked on the leftovers of his glasses on the stairs and listened to Jonathan's crying upstairs. He would normally be mad on Jonathan and be harsher. He just called him and Jordan aliens.
But it was his own fault, why Jonathan was so mad on him. A short glimpse on the clock revealed that they were gone for four hours. Four hours, Jonathan spent with doing chores for three people and brooding about his life. With the constant fear of his superpowered inverse doppelganger showing up, or the townspeople and their hate towards them. Of course, he must feel screwed up and offended.
Suddenly Clark could feel a slap on his back of head. He turned around to see that it came from Lois, who was crying even harder. Her face full of fury, like he never saw it in his wife before.
"What if his doppelganger, or Lana's doppelganger or Ally showed up here? He would have been totally helpless! He has no ELT!" Lois said full of fury and in shock, about what could have happened.
Now that Ally merged, she knew about the Kents. She knew Jonathan's face. She knew where they live! She turned to Jordan, not able to find any words for him. And Jordan was speechless, too. He would have never dare to think that Jon calls him the A-word! But now that he knew what his brother and his father talked about before he ditched him coldly, he realized that he would have reacted even worse. And now he was ashamed of his powers.
He thought about his conversation with Sarah during her Quinceanera, and the fear he had that Jon could be depressive or suicidal? With the X-K reveal, he thought that it was because of the drugs. But now he understood it!
"Oh my god…" was everything Jordan was able to say. "…so that's why he took that stuff. It wasn't about football. He just wanted us to listen…."
Jordan realized that he would have taken X-K, too. And that he would have killed himself if his father ditched him that coldly. Full of shame he turned away from his family and stormed upstairs. The door to his brother's room was locked… Jordan knocked and knocked ever again. But no respond!
"Jon! JON! I am sorry! I quit my training with grandpa!"
Downstairs, Lois suddenly realized the full weight of the situation. Her father had this grumpy face…
"They boy is just jealous!" Sam moaned.
"I start to believe that it is justified!" Lois said shocked. "Clark… is it true?"
"What?" Clark asked scared.
"Is it true that you only want powered children?" Lois asked and pointed on Jordan, who just came down the stairs again and stood now with them in the living-room. Jordan already forgot all his joy he had from today. "Because I honestly start to believe that!"
"No!" Clark said shocked. And start to stutter. "I wanted… I…"
"I know what you want!" suddenly Jonathan said when he came into the living-room.
His eyes were red from crying, and he hid something behind his back.
"I wanted to tell you the truth today! But you just proved to me that I don't matter. That no matter what, I am not important because I am human! And not the Kryptonian you wanted and that you got in Jordan! That's why I have decided to give up!"
"What?" everyone asked shocked. Suddenly they heard a click and Jordan and Clark felt that pain again only Kryptonite could cause.
"You heard right! I give up! You can go on! I won't bother you anymore with anything ever more! And you can have my doppelganger as your son! I know you rather want him as your son! I never had the right to call myself your son, I never had the right to call myself a Kent and I never had the right to call myself a hero. Because for that you need powers! Have fun with my doppelganger!"
After the last sentence, Jon lifts his hand to show that he was holding a Kryptonite-gun in his hand. It glowed brightly when he put the gun and pressed it on his temple…
"NO!" everyone yelled and stormed to Jon. But Jon pulled the trigger right when Clark, despite the pain he felt from the Kryptonite, reached him…
The Kryptonite bullet shredded Jon's beautiful face while the blood and his brain mass were spread in the room…
Present…
Jonathan's words still echoed through his head…
"…have fun with my doppelganger… you lied to me… I know you never wanted me… I give up…"
It almost felt as if Jonathan was with him in the empty living-room. Yelling on him the same things as one year ago. Before he shot. Before all the blood was splat on the walls. Before Lois' piercing scream. Before Jordan pushed Sam away violently and used his new-found flying abilities to bring his dying brother to his grandmother. Before Lara disowned him and Jordan for the way they treated Jonathan after using the fortress' technology to force them to tell her the full truth about what happened and why Clark never brought his powerless son to the fortress…
Jonathan didn't kill himself because he had no powers! His powerlessness was not his problem. His problem was that absolutely everyone constantly remembered him that his powerlessness makes him useless. That his powerlessness makes him unimportant and unwanted. Everyone did that! He, Lois, Jordan, Sam… even his football-team and his coach bullied him for his powerlessness, without knowing it!
Why didn't he take Jordan back to the farm after finding him in town? Why did he take him flying instead of remembering Jonathan eagerly waiting for him at home to talk about his troubles? Why at the worst possible moment? Why he never brought Jonathan to the fortress, too to introduce him to his own grandfather and his grandmother? Why he neglected Jonathan so long, instead of keeping his promises and be there for him, too? Why he preferred Jordan because of his powers and told Jonathan in the same breath that it is good that he does not have them? Why did he trust Sam?
The answer was simple: Jonathan was right! With everything! He was a bad father, who always just thought about being Superman and who was not able to relate to his human child. Human child? Lara was even more furious when Clark referred Jonathan as human! And Clark left with Jordan because he thought about Jon-El in that moment instead of Jonathan. He thought about Jon-El's flying and had let him immediately guess that Jordan should be able to fly, too. He didn't waste a single thought about that it would be nice to fly with Jonathan, too. Or if the boy needs an encouragement, too.
That day was supposed to be the best day in Jordan's life. The day the boy master's the only superpower, that does not hurt when it kicks in. Instead, he turned it into the worst day of their life. The day they lost everything…
By using Jonathan's favorite superpower. The power he always adored most when he was little. The power five-years-old Jonathan once said, he would love Superman to ask to teach him. He used that power, to rub Jonathan into the face that he is useless and that nothing he says or does matters. That Jordan and his inverse Jon-El, will always be his favorites. And that was the final reason for Jonathan, to give up. To draw the line! To end his life. A life they forced him to always be in his brother's shadow and never be happy…
Clark stood in the empty room and had this terrible feeling that someone was watching him…