Jenny didn't move for what felt like an age. Eventually, as the steam from her shower dissipated and her body grew cold, she snapped out of her shock. Matilda was attracted to… her. Suddenly, all her prior comments made complete sense.
"It's not an option"
"She'd be so uncomfortable"
"No, it's really not"
Poor Matilda. She had to find her. She had to explain that – that no matter what, she loved her. She had to – to comfort her, to explain that the way she was feeling was… was what? Natural? Jenny groaned to herself. How could she explain away Matilda's feelings when she condemned herself for the same?
None of that was important right now. The important thing was making sure Matilda knew that this changed nothing between them. But Matilda was eighteen now and she could have gone any number of places that Jennifer might not think of. So all there was to do, was wait. And figure out what in God's name she was supposed to say to comfort a girl with a crush on her 34-year-old adoptive mother.
By the time Matilda returned home, it was dark out and Jenny was pacing. The door creaked open as she entered the hall. Jenny's head snapped up, but Matilda refused to meet her gaze.
"Matilda?" Jenny made sure her voice was as gentle as could be. "Will you look at me, please?"
Jenny's heart tugged at her when Matilda raised red-rimmed eyes. Unable to speak past the lump in her throat, Jenny just stepped forward and held out her arms. In an instant, Matilda fell into them, sobs rising again. Jenny tightened her arms around her, mumbling reassurances in her ear.
"It's okay," she said finally, when Matilda drew back. She wiped at Matilda's tears with her thumb and tried to ignore how Matilda leaned into the touch.
"No, it's not," Matilda sniffled. "It's sick and twisted and wrong. You're practically my mother."
Jenny didn't know where the certainty came from, but she took Matilda by the hand and tugged her down onto the couch.
"I am not your mother," she affirmed resolutely. "That has never been our relationship to each other. You have always been so wonderfully, painfully self-sufficient, and you've never needed me to be anything more than a friend. I have only ever been your mother to satisfy the government."
Matilda looked away again. "Doesn't make it okay for me to feel like this."
Jenny felt like she could cry from the pain in Matilda's face. "You have no control over who you feel affection for. It's the scariest part about love. But it is also not your fault. Maybe I should have leaned further into the parental role. Maybe this would have been avoided. But you know what Matilda?"
The fierceness of her voice drew Matilda's gaze back again.
"I wouldn't trade it for what we have, not for a second."
And so lost was she in the fervour of Jenny's declaration, Matilda surged up and pressed their lips together. For a moment, Jenny didn't move. Shocked and off-balance as she was, she gasped and Matilda took the opportunity to slide her tongue into Jenny's mouth. But then Jenny regained her sensibility and pulled away, hands firmly pushing Matilda out of reach.
"Matilda," she admonished, gently. "I might understand your feelings, but it doesn't mean I reciprocate them."
Matilda felt her heart crumple. "No," she agreed, dully. "Of course not. I was being selfish and inconsiderate. I'm sorry."
Matilda's tone made Jenny desperately want to take back her words. To shout "I love you too, the same way". But even if she knew Matilda would be overjoyed, it would be cruel of her. She wouldn't take advantage of Matilda that way.
"I think it best we postpone our… evening plans." Jenny said, eventually. "I don't think either of us would be comfortable in that situation."
Matilda nodded in agreement. "Besides," she added. "There's a chance that our original theory comes true. If I'm not repressing my feelings, maybe the powers will go away."
Jenny smiled. "That is true. Let's find out."
In the days that followed, Jenny and Matilda adopted a policy of frank honesty. Sometimes, Matilda said things that made Jenny want to wrap her arms around her and never let go.
"You look like an angel when you stand in front of the sun like that."
Sometimes, the things she said made it hard for Jenny not to give in and take her to bed.
"You look so hot in those jeans. They make me want to…"
Sometimes Matilda trailed off mid-sentence, blushing furiously. Jenny would have to strike a delicate balance between encouraging her not to repress her thoughts and acting appropriately uncomfortable with her statements.
A lot of the time, Jenny would spot Matilda hovering items where she thought Jenny couldn't see. It was clear the honesty wasn't working, but neither of them were quite ready to return to the silk ropes and blindfolds. So for a while, it was just the elephant in the room. Neither of them acknowledged it, and neither had plans to.
Until eventually, the elephant announced itself loudly enough that ignoring it was no longer an option. Because one night, Matilda had a nightmare and as she often did, slipped from her bed to seek comfort. Only, instead of comfort, she found Jenny arching against her bed with one hand between her thighs.
And every book on Jenny's shelves went flying.