After leaving Billy's office, Amanda had somehow found her way back to her desk and sat down, still in disbelief. After a few moments, she looked up to look around the bullpen, really taking in how subdued it was, and also that she was attracting a few sympathetic looks. She pulled a folder towards her, and pretended to be studying it, while her mind raced.

He told me he'd changed his file, she thought. So maybe it's not real. Maybe he's undercover for some reason and that's why Billy didn't really pull it?

She pondered that possibility for a few minutes longer. But why hasn't he called to let me know he's okay? Her heart sank. What if he's not okay? What if he's injured? What if he's in the hospital again and hasn't had a chance to let me know?

She picked up the phone and dialed her home number. "Hello Mother," she said when Dotty answered. "I'm just checking… well, you see, I got to work this morning and it turns out Lee had to go out of town suddenly on a scouting trip and he didn't leave any message here, and I was wondering if he'd called there, hoping to catch me before I left."

"No Darling, the phone hasn't rung all day," responded Dotty. "You know, you two could be doing a lot less cloak and dagger messages if you could just tell your boss you're married."

Amanda gave a sharp laugh at how close her mother had come to the truth, but her heart sank a little at the news that Lee hadn't called there either.

"You're probably right, Mother. Well, if he does call, could you let me know right away?" she asked Dotty. "I have some work stuff I need to run past him, and he seems to be unreachable at the site."

"Of course, Darling. And do try not to be late for dinner, Amanda. I'm making fried chicken and you know it's best when it's fresh out of the pan."

"Yes, Mother, I'll try." Amanda hung up the phone and lifted her hand to her mouth, absently chewing on her cuticle. Where could he be?

She became aware of a shadow across her desk and looked up to see the tear-stained face of Susan, one of the girls from the steno pool.

"Oh Amanda, I just heard the news," she sobbed. "How could this have happened?"

"I'm sure I don't know," said Amanda, standing up and walking around to comfort her. "Were you and Lee close?" It was a question she had learned to dance around since joining the Agency. There were a lot of women at the Agency who had been out with Lee at least once and she never knew which ones.

"No," Susan took a tissue from the box on Amanda's desk and wiped her eyes. "I mean, not close like some of the girls here, and not close like you were, but he was always so kind and nice to everyone, you know? Usually, guys that are that good-looking are pretty full of themselves, but not Lee."

Amanda noticed they were attracting looks. "Let's go sit in the break room until you feel better, hmm?" She guided Susan out the door and down the hall to the small room. Someone had put on a fresh pot of coffee, thankfully, and she poured two cups, her hands shaking slightly as she added copious amounts of milk and sugar to both.

"Here you go," she handed one to the miserable woman opposite her as she sat down. "I made it extra sweet. That always makes me feel better when I'm tired or emotional."

Susan gulped down a few mouthfuls before sighing and leaning back in her chair. "I just can't believe it," she said. "Someone so nice… I mean, you know that better than anyone," she went on.

Amanda sipped her own coffee. "Oh, I don't know about that," she answered carefully. "I've only known Lee a few months really. There are a lot of people here who have known him much longer."

"I know," said Susan. "But you guys seemed to really hit it off right away, you know? He liked you – I mean like-liked you, like a real friend."

Amanda stared at her, disconcerted.

"Oh, you know what I mean," said Susan, flustered. "He was more relaxed around you, he smiled and he laughed more with you. I think it's because he wasn't ever romantically involved with you like he was with some of the other girls, so he could be himself more."

"I see," Amanda murmured, sipping more coffee and trying not to let her reaction show on her face.

"Oh, not that you couldn't have dated him if you'd shown you were interested!" exclaimed Susan. "I mean, you're pretty and you're smart and you made him laugh. But I think he was close to you in a way he couldn't be with other girls around here, because you weren't interested. Although how you couldn't be interested in him when he was so handsome and so nice, I don't know," she finished on a sigh. "But even when he was nice, he was always careful not to lead girls on, you know? He didn't make them think he was interested unless he was, so most of the time, he held himself back a little. But with you, he just seemed to be himself, relaxed and happy. Am I making sense?"

"I think so," said Amanda. "He knew he didn't have to try to impress me."

"That's what I mean about you knowing him better than anyone. I think you were his best friend."

Amanda stood up, suddenly unable to continue this conversation where Lee was being talked about in the past tense as if it was real, as if he wasn't almost definitely hiding out somewhere, as if he wasn't about to phone her house any minute and tell her what was going on.

"I need some air," she said. "If Mr. Melrose comes looking for me, could you let him know that I've gone upstairs for a walk?"

"Of course," Susan nodded. "I think everyone here will understand."

Amanda walked back to her desk to collect her coat and purse before heading back upstairs. She stepped out of the elevator, unprepared for the sight of Mrs. Marston wiping her eyes and visibly pulling herself together at the sight of Amanda.

"Mrs. King, how are you?" she asked. "I just heard the news. I'm so sorry."

"I am as well," Amanda managed to stammer out. "I'll be back soon. I just have to go-" she pointed towards the front door, suddenly at a loss for words.

"I understand," said Mrs. Marston. She dabbed at her eyes again. "He was a lovely man."

Amanda shot out the door, almost running down the street until she reached a small park and threw herself onto a bench, gasping for breath. "If you're not dead, I'm going to kill you myself for putting everyone through this!" she cried out. She dropped her head into her hands. "But please don't be dead," she said softly. "Please, Lee."