Chapter 30: Out

"No..."

Lauren dragged herself, still on hands and knees, her eyes traveling from the wound that continued to pour blood, to the increasingly worrying expression of pain on Darren's face.

"No... Please..."

The warmth of the blood started to spray on her legs as she moved closer. Darren's eyes were staring directly into the night sky, and the muscles on his face twitched continually as he made a clear effort to breath.

Joe had taken place beside her, and looked extremely in shock for only one second before pressing his hands onto the wound. Darren let out a cry of pain as he did, but Joe didn't stop. A couple of seconds later, Brian had approached them from his place a few feet apart.

"Give me your shirt." Joe ordered. Brian's eyes had fixed on the place where Darren was shot, at the side of the stomach. "Now."

Brian quickly snapped himself out of the terror, and proceeded to take off his jacket and then his shirt. He handed it to Joe as he also got on his knees beside Darren, in front of Joe and Lauren.

"He needs to go to a hospital." Rachel expressed, breathing heavily.

"In a minute," Joe didn't look at her as he answered. "I need you to press the wound for a moment."

"Okay," Lauren's voice was barely audible.

The wound was very warm and her hands got covered completely in blood almost instantly. The feeling of the liquid and his insides sent shivers down her spine, but she didn't allow that sensation to overcome her. Joe started ripping Brian's shirt into pieces and tying the ends together. Rachel and Brian grabbed Darren from each side to lift a bit his back from the ground. Then, Joe wrapped Darren's stomach with the shirt and tied it up firmly in the place he was bleeding the most. Even though this seemed to quite work, in a matter of seconds the shirt had aso turned into a reddish tone.

Lauren's hands were covered entirely in red when she pulled them away.

"Let's go."

Joe and Brian got each one at every side of his friend, lifting his arm over their backs to carry him a few feet to Joe's bike. Lauren and Rachel followed them.

"Listen, I need you to hold me as tight as you can." Joe said as Brian and Rachel helped him onto the bike. Darren was loose as a puppet and it was unclear whether he would be able to make a whole ride without fainting. "I don't want to have to turn around and see your ass on the road, you hear me?"

Joe's tone of voice was like the one of a father who is warning his son to not touch something in a house that wasn't his own, but Lauren felt a sense of despair as he said it. Darren clung his hands around him, finding a place to hold tightly at the end of his jacket, and his entire body collided against his back. He was conscious but his eyes were closed. Joe didn't wait a mere moment and started the vehicle, and they were soon on the road.

Lauren's gaze was fixed on the figure that continued to decrease in size until someone pulled from her arm.

"Come on," Rachel said.

Fifteen minutes later, Rachel, Brian and Lauren arrived to the hospital. By the time they reached the door, Joe had walked back and explained in a grave voice that Darren was on his way to get emergency surgery to get the bullet removed.

"That can't be good, can it?" Lauren asked lowly, hoping someone would contradict her and tell her that it was all normal in their extremely abnormal situation.

"It's necessary."

Joe walked to the seats of the waiting room and threw himself on them, then placed his elbows on his knees and rested his head on his hands. Brian followed him, taking place next to him, and resting his head back on the wall. Rachel glanced quickly at her before joining her friends. Lauren looked down and realized that almost the entirety of her clothes were covered in blood. She looked at the palms of her hands and only then she noticed they were visibly trembling.

"I'm going to the bathroom," She announced quickly before disappearing behind the door. The pair of friends didn't even seem to gather enough focus to tell she was gone.

She almost didn't notice the slam against the door frame, as she was too focused on getting to the lavatory in time before throwing up. The urge climbed into her throat and stayed for a moment there, asphyxiating her, but eventually vanished. She opened the water, and felt it running down her hands, dyeing red the liquid that got drained down until the color of her skin was visible again. She looked up and found a reflection in the mirror she didn't quite recognize.

Only five minutes ago, she had given Brian the gun and told him to please never let her know what he was going to do with it.

Why did she have to let Michael's words inside of her head?

Nothing was worth having Darren in the surgery room.

If she were smarter, none of this would've happened.

She washed her face and decided she wouldn't let anyone know her hands were still shaking. After a few deep breathes to compose herself, she walked out, and found Rachel alone in the waiting room.

"They went for a change of clothes, for themselves and Darren." She explained.

"Oh, okay," Lauren sat down beside her. There was a moment of silence, and she gave a quick glance at her before letting out, "Rachel, listen, about what happened two years ago..."

"What about it?"

She couldn't blame her for not wanting to hear about it. She couldn't even imagine how she'd feel towards the person that got her expelled. She was sure a polite conversation would definitely be out of the question.

"I was a different person. I didn't know you back then. I thought that I was doing the right thing, but it was none of my business. I'm so sorry. I know you'll never forgive me, and I don't blame you, but I'm truly sorry."

Rachel examined her for a moment, at first with a disbelief that later began to turn into a familiar solace. Then she sighed and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, giving her a soft squeeze.

"How could I stay mad to that cute face?"

Joe and Brian came back just in time to hear the announcement from the nurse that told them the surgery had ended successfully and Darren was sleeping due to the anestesia, but that they could expect him to wake up during the next few hours. Besides a specific treatment and a few after-care necessities, the recovery was practically guaranteed.

Lauren gave a few steps away from the people and rested her forehead against the wall, closed her eyes and breathed in and out a few times. She was so relieved she thought she might pass out. He was okay, she continued to tell herself to be able to completely process the information.

The hand that was placed on her shoulder was gentle, but this didn't stop her from jumping slightly in her place.

"I brought you some clothes." Joe said really, really quietly, handing her a plastic bag with a pair of skinny jeans and a t-shirt. "The shirt might be a little oversized for you, since it's mine, but I thought you'd want to change into something else..."

His eyes couldn't help but to look down to the stains covering her clothes.

"Thank you, I really do." Lauren replied.

They had a cup of coffee in silence, in between the variety of conversations taking place around them by other visitors, which felt estranged, like if they spoke another language. The events of that night were clouding them like an intense hangover, headaches and tremors and a sinking feeling at the top of the stomach.

Joe and Brian were having a cigarette outside when the nurse approached Lauren and Rachel, and told them that Darren had awoken up. The pace of her heartbeat had gone up to the sky by the time she got to the door, which she opened with a smack of her hand. Darren was lying on the bed with a sky-blue gown and he was covered with a white sheet up to the height of his ribs, hiding the recent wound. His left arm was connected to IV and his face, though concerning, wasn't as severely pale as before. He grinned lightly when he noticed the two girls walking inside of the room. He looked ironically peaceful, as if that was the first time he was truly having rest after a while.

"Hey," Lauren's hands were swift to find the curve under his jaw to hold his head and give him a kiss on the forehead. She was aware that she probably should've been more cautious, but she hadn't even realized that she had taken a place at the edge of the bed to get closer. "How are you feeling?"

"I've had more glorious days." Darren replied. Only he could make a joke out of that situation."But I'm better now."

Lauren's hands were still holding him, and he placed a gentle hand on her wrist.

"You scared the shit out of us, you little shit." Rachel added, smirking from the feet of the bed. "I'm glad you're back, asshole."

"It sounds like you missed me." Darren's thumb was stroking slowly Lauren's arm as he looked at his friend. The expression on his face changed as he added, "But... did Joe really confess everything?"

There was a short moment of silence before Lauren replied, "Don't think about that now."

Darren sighed deeply, closing his eyes.

"I can't believe he did that."

"We still don't know what's going to happen," Lauren tried to comfort him. One of the hands that were on her neck started to slid slowly to his chest and her fingers caressed him through the thin cloth. She had to touch him to make sure that he was real and that he was there, in the same room as her, and that he was okay and nothing was going to happen now.

Darren looked at her and the air had become heavier as she held the contact. Had it only been six days or was it just now she had truly seen him?

Rachel cleared her throat, grinning but not explaining why, and announced as she walked to the door, "I'm gonna tell the guys that you're up".

She disappeared behind the frame.

"So you rescued me." Darren said, and then added in a playful tone, "My savior."

Lauren shook her head, "Not really. I fucked up."

"Don't be so hard on yourself. That guy is a dickhead and he can get in your head. I personally couldn't help but to drive him mad a couple of times just because."

She wanted to ask many questions about the last days, and to know how many despicable things Michael had put him through, but she knew it was better not to upset him so she swallowed them back.

"That was actually something I wanted to talk to you about." Darren continued, looking down, his fingers finding her own and wow she didn't know it was possible to have missed someone this much. "I'm really sorry, Lo."

She didn't understand, "You're sorry? What for?"

The tone of his voice was sad and angry and she hated herself for it.

"Everything. I've been replaying these months in my head during the last couple of days and... The bet. What I said the last night we fought. Your exposition. There are so many things I could've done differently..."

"Hush now," Lauren kissed him on the lips almost mid-sentence, and she moved only a tiny bit to explain softly, "You need to rest."

The following weeks were ridden by contradicting emotions and an overwhelming urge to find familiarity and comfort within what was at the very least an unique situation. Darren was released from the hospital the next day, but with the warning that the interruption of the antibiotic treatment could cause severe complications, and that the profound cleaning and caring of the wound was important for a fast an adequate recovery.

Lauren had almost not asked (but she decided it was essential to do so) if he wanted her to stay at his place for a while. Darren nodded quickly like if he was embarrassed to admit it. So she packed a not-so-essential bag and moved in to help him on a day-to-day basis. During the first days, it was suggested to only get up from the bed when it was necessary. This recommendation didn't need to be addressed, why moving was extremely torturous unless the drugs for the pain were kicking in precisely in that moment. Daily tasks like going to the bathroom, showering and changing clothes were a challenge and required a lot of care and were of unavoidable discomfort.

Nearly every day, someone passed by to visit. They sat on the edge of the bed and did their best to distract their friend from his current physical and mental state. Every once in a while, Lauren had to stand a joke about her behavior during that week, comparing her to basically any female action movie lead, standing pop culture references and puns she'd rather had lived not knowing about, and she just rolled her eyes because she wasn't sure if those were compliments or insults and she didn't know how to handle none of them. It was only Joe the one who was overly quiet during his visits, but she couldn't blame him -his trial was only a few weeks away and she knew he wouldn't share details while she was in the same room. So she found multiple excuses to leave the apartment and give some privacy to those two. She couldn't even dare to ask afterwards what they discussed together. She didn't want to know.

Once the pain had lessened, he was able to get more complex tasks done in less time, and -the boredom starting to get under his skin, he began to wander in the house a bit more. He'd carry a book to the balcony during the morning, but it spent more time on his lap closed as his gaze got lost in the distance with no particular intention, than being actually read. By midday he'd either help in the kitchen or take complete care of the meal, keeping it considerably simple to avoid excessive time standing up. During the evening, Lauren would invade the kitchen table with books and notes to study for the upcoming finals, and he'd sometimes join her, although he'd only take his exams after vacations -his teachers had been (surprisingly) contemplative of his situation and, while he was excused of going to class for the rest of the semester, he'd probably spend most of the break trying to make up for that lost time, and he'd be given an exceptional exam period.

During this period of time, their relationship felt the coziest and most normal it had ever been. They were consistently trying to reassure one another that the earth was solid and there was no danger ahead. What a month ago might could've caused a discussion felt insignificant, and none of them felt neither the need nor had a cause to have something remotely reminiscent of a fight. Ultimately, at night, they'd snuggle on the bed to watch television or read something until the time to sleep arrived, and it was only during this vulnerable moment that the reminders caught them unsolicited.

This was also something that became habitual. At some point of the night, the sound of a throat gasping for air as a sudden startle awoke him up. The freezing sensation of cold sweat sending shivers down his spine, and the terror of something that felt too real to be a nightmare. He'd place his feet on the cold floor, trying to ground himself, as he rested his forehead on his hands -head too heavy to balance on his own, and he breathed deeply even though the air didn't seem to reach his lungs.

"It's okay..." Her voice was nearly always weak at first, since she was still half asleep. A hand would gently run through his back as she placed a kiss on his shoulder, "It's over. It was just a nightmare."

She knew that this was an oversimplified truth, but she hoped her voice and touch would be enough. Darren's nightmares were unclear to her. She insisted several times that he could share them with her, but he always replied something along the lines of the usual and she had no idea what the usual was. In fact, she only got a handful of details about what happened while he was at Perkins' mercy. There was darkness that prevented him from knowing what time it was and how long he was being captive, and there wasn't much food or water, but that was as much information she gathered. She decided not to push it and hoped the rest would come when he was ready to share it. Even when there were unexplained bruises on his ribs, and sudden startles and anxious hands she couldn't help but notice.

"Let's go back to sleep," She suggested after handing him a glass of water.

He practically gulped it down in five seconds.

"I don't think I can go to sleep right now."

"Okay. What do you want to do?"

She was expecting him to say something like watching TV until dawn, but instead he said, "I wanna go for a walk."

Lauren glanced at the clock on the bedside table. It was 3 AM.

"Mm. Let me get changed."

Luckily, there was a small park two blocks away. Okay, careful, grandpa, Lauren had said playfully when he struggled to walk down the stairs, and then offered her arm for stability. You know, I'm going to get revenge for this someday, he replied, but only after I'm one hundred percent able to run away from you and not decompensate in the process.

There were a pair of girls listening to music and chatting, and a couple making out as if their lives depended on it, so they took place on the bench that was as far away as possible from these two groups. They could still hear their discussions at the distance, but it was as private as it could get. Darren lighted a cigarette, and she pointed an accusing eyebrow before letting out:

"Really?"

"Old habits die hard." He shook his head, and the sound his throat gave when the smoke came out was proof that his body had been longing the chemicals.

She rested her head on his shoulder, and closed her eyes at the sensation of his fingertips tangling in her hair, at a soft but lingering pace.

Lauren opened her eyes at the sudden sound of giggles in the distance. The group of girls were whispering and directing glances that weren't neither discrete or polite enough at them. While they failed to recognize them, they assumed they knew them from college. Darren's kidnapping wasn't revealed to the public or even the university, but the fact that he was shot was, and the rumors around its circumstances were circulating. They had agreed on knowing as little as it was possible.

Lauren shook her head and shifted in the seat as she repressed an impulse. There was a reason, after all, they had confined themselves in the apartment.

"Must be your fans."

"Must be your fans," Darren argued. "Mind you, that your reputation outbalanced mine these last weeks. Brian told me that someone's been saying you're the one that shot me."

"Oh, I don't wanna hear it." Lauren rolled her eyes. "Why would we even be together if I shot you?"

Darren shrugged, "Can you imagine what you would do to me if I say no?"

"Yeah. Poor you."

Again, those giggles that should definitely have been quieter. She squinted and lifted a middle finger, unable to hold that urge anymore. A few of the girls opened their mouths in shock before turning away and resuming their conversation.

"I can't believe you just did that," Darren's voice was mildly impressed and mildly amused.

A hand held her jaw as his lips cut the distance in a slow stroke, Lauren's hands landing on his chest as she felt the air coming in and out. His lips finding hers always behaved like an old dog coming home. His fingertips ran through her neck until they reached her collarbone, marking aimless doodles on her skin. He only moved apart what was necessary to whisper:

"Thank you for taking care of me."

"You don't have to say that." She held back the it's my fault you're like this, and only added, "You'd do the same for me."

Darren grinned.

"Yeah, but I am already housewife material, aren't I?"

It was the last show of The Doll House, and finals were next week, so of course that the cast and friends had gone for a few drinks at a bar. It was the first time Darren was able to drink since he got off the antibiotics and he was making it count.

"Oh, God. It's Mrs. Wood and Mr. Cameron at the other table. Don't look." Lauren pretended to be talking about anything else as she announced it.

"Gotta love when you run into teachers out of class." Darren smirked. "And you calling them Mrs. just makes it so much better."

"Do you think they're on a date?"

"I highly doubt that Cameron is heterosexual, but either way-"

"Oh, hi, professor." Lauren's voice cut him off intentionally loud, as the woman recognized her on the way to the bathroom. "So nice to see you."

"We actually went to see the play before. Great work there, congratulations." She placed a hand on Lauren's shoulder and then looked at Darren, "When will we have the pleasure of seeing you onstage again, by the way?"

Darren's lips opened but the words didn't come out.

"We had a lot going on lately." Lauren explained vaguely.

"Oh. Okay," The woman didn't seem interested in their personal lives, and she looked at her again, adding with a grin on her lips, "Did you check your e-mail today or I have to be the one to ruin the surprise?"

Lauren's back straightened when she heard those words. Could it be?

"I didn't, I've been so busy lately that I... I forgot."

"I won't spoil it. But you should take a look at it." Mrs. Wood concluded, smiling proudly before walking away.

"What was that all about?" Darren asked, turning around to observe the woman.

Lauren shook her head, "Nothing really. Just... class stuff."

"Oh, of course. Class stuff. I would not understand." Darren mocked her, pulling swiftly from her hand. He then placed a kiss of reconciliation on her cheek and stood up. "Want another beer? Because I definitely do."

"Make it two. There's a lot to celebrate."

"So... paint me the worst case scenario here."

"Worst case scenario would be first degree murder," Joe explained, "that gives me a life sentence without the possibility of parole. Best case scenario, on the contrary, would be second degree murder, which is what we're hoping for, in that case it's gonna be at least fifteen years."

"Fifteen years? Holy shit," Darren sighed. "I didn't know Michigan law was so harsh. I mean, I did, but not like this. There's not a chance to move the case to New York?"

Joe shook his head, "Already tried it. Since the withdrawn of my declaration, they haven't been so fond of me, to be honest."

Darren didn't know what to say. It was still too difficult for him to believe how real this was. Knowing one of them would be in a place like that felt surreal. Somehow, things had always worked out (more or less) in their favor. But that was in the past. And on top of all things, he was the main reason of this. Of course Joe was the one who decided to pull the trigger, but the procedure would have had a different outcome if he hadn't gotten kidnapped. At the same time, he knew that this wasn't his fault, but this didn't stop him from feeling guilty. Guilt doesn't know about rationality, it only knows about clinging from any place possible to bring you at its level.

Darren shook his head to snap himself out of a flashback. Instead of memories replaying, what haunted him were sensations -hands pulling and pushing him not knowing in which direction, the movement of his eyes being on the verge of passing out staring into the night sky as the blood poured from the side of his stomach, not breathing every time he heard the door open, darkness and silence -so much silence it sickened him.

"What can I do to help?" He finally let out.

"Give me a visit when I'm locked up and help me get drugs inside."

"Joe..."

He rolled his eyes, then took a deep breath and said, "Just... let's pretend everything is how it used to be for a while. Let's go on a motorcycle journey one last time."

"Done and done. When?"

"Mm. The night before the trial. I definitely don't want to spend what is probably going to be my last night out drinking warm beer with Brian's dog."

"It's a plan." Darren gave him a pat on the shoulder before walking out.

He came back to the apartment to find Lauren reading The Waste Land on the bed. He greeted her with a short kiss on the lips and was already changing his clothes into something more comfortable when she called him.

"I need to talk to you."

He had a terribly strong instinct climbing up his body when he reached the feet of the bed and sat down. There was a seriousness in her entire body language, she had closed the book and placed it on her crossed legs, hands intertwined and back straight.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, I-" She shifted on her seat. She had practiced the conversation in her head yet she still didn't know where to start. "I'm just gonna say it. Remember that I turned my essay about Shakespeare for a contest? Well, NYU reached out to me. They offered me a paid internship for the summer and a complete scholarship for my senior year."

Darren blinked a few times, time freezing in black and white, before catching her hands and intertwining his fingers with hers, "Well, that's amazing. Congratulations."

He pulled from her hands to kiss her again. Lauren frowned slightly into the kiss.

"You're not upset?"

"Of course not." Surely he felt a knot in his stomach whenever his mind pictured her leaving, but he wasn't going to waste their time together being mad at her. The last weeks had been so amazingly perfect in their relationship that, in a strange way, he had expected this. "I mean, this is going to be very hard obviously... I'm gonna miss you so fucking much."

"Me too," Lauren's voice cut him off. She seemed much more distressed than him. She gulped and explained, "I mean, I almost turned it down because... But this opportunity is..." She failed to complete coherently her sentences.

"Of course you have to go. This is the chance you've been waiting for." He assured, a hand pushing gently a strand of hair out of her face. "And after you graduate, do you intend to stay or...?"

"I don't know," She lamented. "I haven't decided yet. I mean,I might have a few opportunities in there, but... I don't know. I don't even know if that place is for me. I'll just have to give it a shot. It's just -I swear if those idiots come near me just once..."

"I think they're too scared of you to do so." Darren grinned and she couldn't help but to join him. "So when are you leaving?"

"In two weeks. I'll have to go to my mother's to pack all of my belongings and I'd be leaving on Saturday. Right after Joe's trial."

Lauren could almost not believe the calmness and understanding that had arose between them in what could've been a very painful discussion that ended up in slamming doors, red eyes and sore throats.

"Okay," Darren nodded, processing the information. He knew that it probably will take him a few more days and he might not be able to control how he felt about it all the time, but he was disposed to forbid this kept him down. He looked at the hands that were still holding hers, "Two weeks, huh? Let's make the most of it."