A/N: Now I won't necessarily say this is a Filler Chapter, so much as I'll say that I don't want to redundantly reiterate what I was saying before. This is sort of a Soap Opera phase where there's a Lifetime interlude starring a Hallmark movie on the Oprah Network in the WE-Tv app or some shit, but I'll spare you the grace of waiting such a long time to get through it and shove it all on the internet at once until we get over ourselves. In truth I was trying to focus on some of the finite, the nuance, the little things that add up to character developments and flashback moments and having things to pluck from for later for little memories to tie together, you know...getting the ingredients together, so to speak, before starting in on the recipe. Don't worry, it will get better soon. Or worse. Will it get worse soon? I forget. Maybe you should just read it and tell me what I mean... ;P
?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?
?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?
Sesshoumaru let out a ragged, helplessly resigned sigh of not wanting to admit he loved his family, because they were ever so damn annoying sometimes...in good ways, but Still.
Kagura smiled and let out a happy sigh of her own, clearly not fooled by his exaggerated aggravation.
"You really have blossomed, haven't you?" she asked out loud, then blushed at her own wording, "uh, well I mean-"
"It's an appropriate analogy, no need to rephrase it," Sesshoumaru agreed with a gentle smile. "Yes, I've grown. It seems I couldn't avoid it any longer, though I sure put up a good fight when I was resisting it, didn't I?"
She snickered at his graceful self-jabbing humor, marvelling at this side of him she'd never seen before.
"You'll have to teach me just about everything worth knowing about living a full life, you know."
"No, Kagura, I think you're the one who's going to teach Me about that," Sesshoumaru said with quiet meaningfulness, and for the first time as Kagura held his gaze, she realized just how seriously he meant that.
Her spirit swelled within her chest, and her breath caught in her mouth, half-drawn, waiting for her thought to get unstuck from the molten fiery pools of gleaming golden lava that were his smoldering eyes.
Sesshoumaru gently brushed his hand along her face, rested his palm ever so delicately on her cheek, and kissed her. It wasn't a deep-tongued kiss of heated physical passion, nor a sensuously drawn-out kiss of romance. This was more of a hesitant kiss, a tenative gesture to coax her from the roiling pool of her emotional whirlwind...
And to feel out his own inner turmoil, she suddenly realized. This was what he Wanted, but not AT ALL what he Knew.
Initial giddiness and overjoyed greetings aside, he was terrified of ruining it in the long run, beneath all of that casual confidence.
Kagura gazed up at him with adoration and unconditional love and loyalty as he dragged himself away from her lips.
They probably would have kept on making passionate faces and idling away the next few days romping off into the wild to cavort like spring-crazed rabbits, but suddenly the Crystal of Souls rattled against the inside of his armor.
Sesshoumaru had been so wrapped up in the moment that this startled him enough that he leaped into the air. If she hadn't grown instantly terrified and paranoid that this might be horrible for her, Kagura might have laughed her ass off at his reaction.
Huffing at himself and pulling the Crystal out to examine it, he felt Tenseiga thrum gently at his side, conveying the sensation of impatience, insistence that this relic be taken care of first.
"Tenseiga would grow wroth if I dawdle too long with this Crystal," Sesshoumaru sighed, "though honestly, there's few places where it might be nearly as safe as it was here. Now that it's been found, it cannot stay, but providing adequate security and seclusion for it will be more difficult than it sounds..."
"I know of some places we could look at. Naraku would always have me search high and low for the next place to hide and the next contingency after that, back when I was alive."
Sesshoumaru paused as she said those words, his own expression growing infinitely sad as his lids half-closed to hold the tears from falling, unconsciously following with the rest of his body language, his stature falling by an inch as his shoulders drew down and his chest deflated.
Kagura hadn't even realized she said that for a moment, and pausing to take in his sudden odd reaction, she blinked.
"Kagura, you Are alive."
The impact of that had somehow not fully sunk into her being until he said it with that Look of his body, and she gasped and drew both hands to the center of her chest, as if to contain her soul within lest it leap out of her.
"Oh, I...I really, really Am Alive, aren't I?" she started to laugh a bit, but it was something of a cross between amusement and hysteria.
Tenseiga pulsed very softy at Sesshoumaru's side, and a feeling washed over him, a thought that conveyed more than words could, more than images or colors, even though it was in the form of an indescribable emotion.
And he understood what this was. Kagura had been dead for ten years. But in the Nether, that could have felt like a hundred, maybe even a thousand, locked in eternal timelessness, in a fragment of reality cut from the void...
Not only that, but the life she Had known before was a short, tailored, tormented life ruled by a cruel overlord and riddled with deceit, treachery, despair, shame, and regret. Forced to submit at the threat of her very life, but not in the traditional sense, no, not even with the honor or privilege of either fighting back or taking her own life, a simple test of her breaking point measured against Naraku's infinite patience as he clenched her heart in his hand, refusing to let her resist, refusing to let her die...
She had been alive for just about a year, and the one thing she had wanted, her Freedom, was the one thing Naraku had always denied her. That had been the brilliance behind the sadistic irony of creating a fettered incarnation of the freest spirit, in that her suffering was a special interest to Magatsuhi.
She'd been alive, Sesshoumaru realized, not for her talents, her powers, or even really a usefulness to Naraku. It had all been to fuel the Jewel with her acutely special kind of agony. The loneliness, the anguish, the scope of the pain of her entire existence, the hopelessness that had wrapped it's tentacles around her very soul and tormented her thoughts every day, the violence and violations that clasped and clenched and wrenched her in every direction it pleased...
Something vile reached his mind, an uncomfortably accurate summation of her tragic prior existence.
Kagura had been created for the explicit purpose of having her body, mind, and soul repeatedly raped. It started from the dark night she was created by Naraku and it lasted her entire previous life, until her rapist killed her, the worst and cruellest fate imaginable.
"Oh, Kagura," Sesshoumaru spoke in a hoarse whisper, tears streaming down his face, a catch in his throat making him sound uncharacteristically Wounded, as if the pain he imagined she endured had been carved into his flesh, "this is Not a repeat of the last time you walked the earth. You are Free, Kagura. You are the Wind. I will never keep your heart from you, never take away your choice. You have nothing to fear anymore. I won't hurt you like that, I swear it. Not even if you betray me, Kagura. I would rather die than do what He did to you."
Kagura felt her heart quickening in her chest, and surprised by how strong it was, she suddenly pressed her hand to her breast and started laughing, and crying, at the same time.
"Look at me, Sesshoumaru! I don't even know what to do with myself. I feel my heart in my chest. I know you'd never take it away. You, whose face used to stay so blank, you've become so...true to yourself. I wager you always were somewhat emotional, else Naraku wouldn't have been able to get so far under your skin. But now I have these strange and unfamiliar thoughts, these, these...doubts! I have doubts, and I don't understand why. What's the matter with me right now?! I know how I feel about you, I know this is real, I'm so very grateful and so very in love and-"
Sesshoumaru smiled slowly and brought his hands around hers in wide, slow, gentle motions, pausing her words. He raised both their hands right between them and cupped them together, tilting his head just a bit.
"It's because of how new this is. Doubts are natural. And though I'm sure you've had doubts before, I'm also sure it must be a lot stronger with your heart where it belongs in your chest, rather than hidden elsewhere. Don't be afraid to have doubts. Those who never doubt are being blind to reality."
"I thought the lack of doubts was called trust," Kagura blinked, a little confused.
Sesshoumaru tilted his head slightly further, amused for some odd reason.
"Mm, it's about the context of the word doubt. But I stand by my statement. I have doubts about those I trust. Most of the time, I doubt my own judgment because I catch myself trusting them. Like Inuyasha. Or that monk Miroku. Or even his friend Hachi."
"Shippou's not on the list?" Kagura noticed coyly.
"That recently became complicated, due to the fact that I respect him now, although I'm certain he's going to milk it for a few fox promotions and a lot of indecent pranks at the village until I no longer hold him in high regard."
"So he's like another little brother to you?"
Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow at her and tried very hard not to smile. But something about looking at her face made his usually easy facade fall apart no matter what he wanted.
"You could put it that way," he smiled.
The Crystal of Souls rattled impatiently again, and Sesshoumaru scowled at it, now just a tiny bit perturbed.
Kagura sighed also, but she was actually much less perturbed.
"The sooner we find a place for it, the sooner we're done worrying about it, right?" she smiled, and reaching up to her hair, she plucked out the chopstick that had held her bun in place, let her hair down, and threw the stick up.
Then, realizing what she'd done, she blushed furiously and hurriedly reached down to pick it up, embarrassed.
"Oh, I, I was so used to..."
Sesshoumaru started to chuckle, then wrapped Mokomoko-sama loosely around her before leaping into the air.
"Don't worry, we'll find you another feather to use, I'm sure it won't be difficult."
"Well, I'm not complaining," Kagura said with a sincere happiness as she snuggled into the Mokomoko-sama.
Sesshoumaru smiled. There is no way anyone can resist Lord Fluff-Fluff.
Kagura led them to four different places Sesshoumaru had never seen before, each one uniquely equipped to camoflauge whatever would be hidden there. She insisted they not stop at looking at the first place, because as she put it, if the Crystal was that important, they had to make sure it was in the Best place, not the First place.
Begrudgingly, Sesshoumaru agreed. Most of his begrudgment was in the time it would take away from the intimacy he'd suddenly felt himself desperately passionate for; however, their travel together with nobody else accompanying them did lead to some very Interesting alone time.
By the time almost two weeks had passed, they'd decided they would ask their friends for help rather than simply leaving the Crystal inside the well-hidden, well-fortified, confusing cavern. Mostly because it wasn't really defended by anything other than it's natural appeal, just like all the rest of the places. So they'd need another seal, and another barrier, just as there had been before. Or maybe even another location, if they thought of something better.
"I have to admit, with everything Naraku did to make barriers, I never learned a thing about it," Kagura sighed.
"I've never learned much about making barriers either, I was only ever interested in how to break them," Sesshoumaru shrugged dismissively. "However, between the many youkai and humans among our friends, I'm sure it will be simple to put a new seal and a new barrier around this Crystal. I'm guessing that Miroku and either Kaede or Kagome can do it, and it's likely that Jaken will have a useful spell or two up his sleeve. Jaken's repertoire of spells is among the oddest I've ever seen, which is why it's so rare to see it. Like a spell for bringing hot water from a rock."
"Ooohh, you mean he can Create a hot-spring anywhere he wants?" Kagura raised both eyebrows, impressed.
"Uh, well, it would be more of a, a hot Pool, because it wouldn't feed itself, but yes, in essence...although I never actually thought of that," Sesshoumaru admitted sheepishly, actually blushing as he felt a little foolish. Why Hadn't I thought of that? he asked himself.
"You never thought of that?" Kagura giggled, amused. "Well, I suppose you never strayed too far from a hot spring."
"I can travel fairly fast. Where I'll bathe has nothing to do with where I decide to go," Sesshoumaru smirked, "well unless of course I'm deciding on the most romantic place to scrub up your clothes..."
Kagura blushed and put her hands on her face, squeezing her eyes shut in embarrassment. She Still couldn't forget how weird it had been for her, days ago, when he'd just started to vigorously wash her laundry.
And at first, it was innocent and confusing and she just stared at him, wide-eyed and bewildered, having never even imagined that the great taiyoukai Sesshoumaru would deign to lower himself to washing clothes. Well of course, it had never occurred to her that at one point, he'd been travelling alone for a very long time, and of course he wasn't naturally helpless or stupid or dirty anyways...but it was just Weird to see him doing something so very domestic and lowly. It just seemed beneath him, too mundane for such a noble taiyoukai.
Realizing he was getting so much undivided attention, and being alone with his betrothed, Sesshoumaru paused for a moment to smile at her deviously, then he began to get more and more suggestive with his washing motions. Like scrubbing her dressing-ribbon's length right above his own...yeah.
It had lasted about two hours, during which time he'd washed all of their clothes and made Kagura blush dark red and laugh with wild abandon, and they'd slip-slided out of a hot steamy bath onto the cool grass to make sensuous love.
Now it was something of another self-jab he spoke of to be coy with her, one of his 'wifely duties' presumably.
She often caught herself thinking that she would probably never understand him fully, but then she would smile, and realize that she was always going to enjoy learning new surprising things about her beloved Sesshoumaru.
"So, we're going to see everyone at the village then?"
Sesshoumaru smiled at her, then glanced up at the moon briefly before nodding affirmation.
"In about four days, almost everyone will be there, even Kohaku and Jinenji. They're holding a little festival next week and they begin preparations soon. We'll attend that and we can continue afterwards."
"Oh? A festival?" Kagura blushed, then added, "well of course, I've, I've never been invited to anything before, so I don't know if I...should I try to find a better outfit?"
"Only if you want to, it's not a formal event, and your attire is befitting a lady of stature regardless. I still haven't found boots," Sesshoumaru said, blushing.
"That doesn't bother you?" she asked, slightly surprised that she herself hadn't even thought to comment on that this entire time.
"It does, but this damned Crystal wasn't settling itself. It was a matter of priority."
"At least you don't absolutely need them, you don't seem tenderfooted," she murmured, then tilted her head as she studied his toes, "you have claws on your feet?"
Sesshoumaru blushed even more and whisked his Mokomoko-sama around to hide his feet.
"It's natural for dog youkai," he said hastily, and Kagura raised both eyebrows. He hadn't been the slightest bit self-conscious about his body or his features until just now, even though he'd been barefoot this whole time.
Seeing her expression, Sesshoumaru's blush deepened even more, realizing he'd have to explain a bit.
"It's a matter of stature. A noble isn't supposed to be seen barefoot, it's just...kind of embarrassing. Not really because of my claws or anything, just because you reminded me that I've been walking around like this for weeks..."
"Oh, why then I must be such a simple little peasant. I've never worn anything on my feet my whole life. Or my prior life in the first body that looked like this," she added for further clarification as she chuckled at him softly.
Sesshoumaru blinked at that, his blush fading as his Mokomoko-sama drew back to it's usual stance.
"I never really thought about that," he blinked, then smiled at her, "well, when I get my boots, we can get you any kind of footwear you want. Even if you decide after you try it that you don't want anything at all."
She smiled and they set out to the next larger town, where the merchants who took Sesshoumaru's pouch of coins dared not ask about the unusual claws or odd facial features. They fitted Sesshoumaru for brand new boots that were almost identical to his old ones, with the addition of a thin but very soft fur inner lining. Kagura had actually very much adored the outfit Shippou had chosen when he and Inuyasha had taken up the task of dressing her body, and chose for herself some womanly, petite dancer slippers in a color that matched her dressy kimono, along with a pair of white socks to go with them. Then, on recommendation of the shoe-maker, she got tougher black leather shoes for the road. The man had pointed out, almost fearfully in fact, that if she walked around in those too much they would shred from the sole to the seams, for they weren't made for outside travel.
She had smiled at him and nodded in gratitude.
"Oh, you have no idea how much that would upset me! I'd hate to ruin these," she'd said, holding the shoes gently.
Sesshoumaru had only to lift the pouch of coins and the shoemaker knew he'd made the sale, but Kagura gasped.
"Oh, I didn't mean that you should-"
"Hush, woman," he said with a smirk, "I Want to spend money on you, and I've got plenty to spare. This is pittance. In a larger city, I'd be able to Really spoil you, but in this town, the shoes will have to do."
Kagura laughed and accepted it for what it was, seeing that he was going to be firm about it no matter what she did.
And after she got the socks, slipper-shoes, and road-shoes, he took her to the next store, which was full of fancy things like gilded combs and jewelry and makeup, and she got attended by ladies who only had to take one look to know she was getting spoiled by her handsome gentleman with the brand new expensive boots from across the street.
"Oh, mistress, your teeth!"
"My...my teeth?!" Kagura raised both eyebrows.
"Do you not want to blacken your teeth?" one lady asked kindly, referring to the popular fashion practice.
"Uh, n-no, no I don't, but thanks for asking," Kagura blushed, and her blushing made another lady cluck.
"Oh, mistress, your cheeks!"
"M-my cheeks?"
"Do you not want your face whitened with this nice powder, and to dot your cheeks red, yes?"
"Uh, n-no, but thanks for asking..."
"Oh, mistress, your Hair!" the third, the shrewdest of the ladies, hit on the one thing she'd agree to.
"Oh, I know, it's a mess, but I always have the wind-I mean, it's always so windy where I go..." she sighed.
"Yes, yes, the hair!" the three ladies fussed and attended, and Kagura shot a helpless look at Sesshoumaru.
He just smirked at her innocently and shrugged, leaving her at the mercy of her ravenous fashion attendees.
She hated him for loving him for that.
For about four hours, an amused taiyoukai lingered around casually, getting more entertained by the dirty looks he occasionally got when the crowd of fussy fashionistas poked or stuck something where it was uncomfortable or tugged harshly when untangling her hair or jabbed too indelicately with a pick or chopstick.
But finally, after about thirty-seven billion different hairstyles were tried, Kagura found one she really liked, and there were five accessories to go with it, two combs, two earrings, and the last accessory being a prominent and gorgeous exotic feather the likes of which she'd never seen before in person.
"A peacock feather," Sesshoumaru smiled, recalling a far-removed conversation he'd had with Shippou, "how fitting."
Kagura, knowing nothing of the double meaning behind his words, simply smiled at the compliment and gave him a very quick kiss, almost shy, before twirling around one last time in front of the mirror, wearing her new earrings and her new combs and her new shoes and her new feather with her new hairstyle, in her new body, with her new clothes, and even a new scent, with no residual whiff of Naraku filling her nose with it's repugnance every waking second of her life, with her own heart beating in her own chest.
And now, looking at herself, with a proud taiyoukai quietly admiring her in the background, with her face having a minimal amount of makeup as absolutely insisted by the shop-ladies, a little blush on her cheeks, a little paint on her lips, a little darkening charcoal for her eyebrows...
She looked beautiful. She felt beautiful.
And it almost broke her heart. She had no idea why, but suddenly she felt like she wanted to cry. To cry! She didn't understand, because she was so happy, but yet the tears sprang to her face before she could stop them.
"Oh, oh goodness, I swear I'm actually happy!" she apologized as the ladies fussed to fix it, all smiling at her in understanding, well at least partial understanding.
"Oh mistress, you cry tears of happiness, but they still make streaks in makeup," a woman dabbed her right cheek.
"Now mistress, we can all tell you're very happy, but the blush-! Here, a kerchief, for your raindrops of joy," the woman who dabbed at her left cheek said, handing her a delicate dark cloth that would not only wipe her tears, but would hide any makeup streaks with it's fashionable dark muddled design intended for just such a thing.
"Oh, why thank you," Kagura sniffed, trying to stay dignified.
"There, we're all done," the third woman declared after another perhaps ten minutes of final touches and fixes, and she tastefully led Kagura towards Sesshoumaru with the dignified and petite trot of a noble lady, who beamed at her.
"She is the perfect bride-to-be, yes?"
"How did you...we never said anything," Kagura marvelled.
"Ah, but it is written all over you, the way you act, the way you look at each other, it is obvious," the woman said with a big grin, "and it is good. Now, is there anything else I can show you today?"
"I think we've been here long enough," Kagura said hastily, "and to test his patience any longer might make me much less perfect as a bride to be. I wouldn't want to lose him before I've even got him," she winked, and they laughed.
"Of course, mistress! Farewell then!" they waved as soon as Sesshoumaru generously overpaid them by probably triple.
.
Something was nagging Sesshoumaru as they spent that night travelling. This time, because she had a new feather now, Kagura insisted that they travel with her power and that he get some rest, even if he chose not to sleep. So he had politely acquiesced and sat behind her serenely on the large peacock feather, letting the wind trail out his hair and Mokomoko-sama while he slipped his hands in his sleeves and thought deeply.
He couldn't place what it was that had been keeping him restless as of late. Sesshoumaru didn't want to admit it, but almost ever since he'd returned from the Netherworld, something had felt...off. Just not really Right. It wasn't a particular thing he could place either. He knew what it Wasn't much more than he knew what it Was.
It Wasn't any kind of doubts or misgivings about Kagura.
It Wasn't any kind of negative feelings towards anyone or anything in particular.
It Wasn't any kind of sharply-defined emotion that fit neatly into a box.
Sesshoumaru frowned and closed his eyes.
It was tension, anxiety, foreboding, and oddly, shame, guilt, remorse, regret, fear, sadness, despair...
But it was as faint as it was strong. Which made no sense, both literally and in context. Yet there it was, and he could think of it in no more certain terms. It was overwhelming, yet it was background noise. It was deafening, yet he barely heard it. It was engulfing, yet he floated atop. Nothing else he could compare it to was as accurate as to say it was a whispered shout.
A whispered shout?
Sesshoumaru tried to focus. Somewhere in this lucid, transient state he'd drawn himself into, he had found something close to the reason behind his unwarranted angst, and he intended to figure it out.
Now his feelings grew more erratic and intense. In the context of having been faint and distant before, now he was drawing much closer, and felt the emotions more strongly. Yet still it was as if he were Thinking himself into being closer to the Feeling, which was so strange honestly, but he kept going, propelled by the need to know...
Ten minutes passed, or maybe twenty, or maybe two hours. However long it took, Sesshoumaru wasn't keeping track, he only knew that he was getting closer, so much closer to the answer to this question that hounded-
Haunted, his mind corrected, This problem that haunted-
Wait...
"Why?" he asked himself out loud, and Kagura looked over her shoulder at him, raising an eyebrow.
"Why what, my love?"
Sesshoumaru shook his head, smiling at her, meditation forgotten as he saw her gorgeous eyes. Lovestruck, his grasping thoughts fled him, and he smiled as he fell into her gorgeous gaze.
"Hmm? Oh, nothing. Just thinking. How much further to the village?"
"Another day of flight should get us pretty close, if not all the way there," she smiled, and he sighed and wrapped his arms around her, pressing up slightly along her back and silently lamenting the inconvenience of his armor when it came to feeling her warmth against his chest. The previous restlessness was assauged and abated for now, his head wrapped around his new love.
Yet after she lay against him restfully for about an hour, she sighed and heaved herself away, apologetically giving him a smile as she blushed a bit.
"If I fall asleep, the feather shrinks," she said quietly, turning herself to face him now as the feather slowed a bit but otherwise continued it's previous course.
Sesshoumaru blinked at her, and then he made a rare expression...
He pouted and gave her The Puppy Eyes.
Kagura laughed. She had no idea he could actually pull off The Puppy Eyes, but after all, he was a dog youkai.
"Oh no you don't, I just got this and I'm gonna fly. I love you dearly, but...but I..."
Sesshoumaru was trying So Much.
"Dammit, you...you can't hold that look forever!" she whined, and he inched closer, his eyes widening even more.
She sighed.
"Okay, okay," she hung her head in defeat, "I forfeit. You got me," she smiled.
Sesshoumaru surprised her then, by simply grinning and straightening up his sitting posture.
"No, I just...I just wanted to try that," he blushed, ducking his head just a little bit, and adding, "I never really felt this way with a woman before I met you. It's very...new to me."
"Oh? So I'm not the only one! That's a bit of a relief," Kagura laughed, and after a moment, he laughed with her.
They spent hours chatting and joking, and sometimes just admiring the landscape, or sometimes discussing what they knew of the land if they glanced upon a familiar place...
Yet that something that had nagged at Sesshoumaru before was still lurking around every dark corner of every thought, and in the quieter hours of their journey, the silent lapses of just enjoying the scenery and each other's company, those spine-tingling sensations crawled under his flesh again...
?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?
?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?-?
So, yes, I like to convey at least some cultural reference in my stories. Before you go griping at me, I'm not exactly a History Buff, I sort of cherry-picked what I researched based on interest and inference, and some things, y'know, I just really, really don't care. Like, I don't know what the makeup they used is made of. I know what it looks like and I have seen dozens of references and read about things in books and manga panels and seen it in movies and animes, but sometimes it looks like a powder and sometimes it looks like a paint that they use for the white on their faces, and y'know what? I don't care which it is. I don't know if They Cared which it was. Little things like that, well again, if it bothers you that much, copy-paste-replace-reread, right? I don't care about that either. I'd be flattered if you felt the need to put that much effort into reading my story XD Anyways, this was a way to deliberately give them some time to, as it were, 'cool off' from the expected initial romantic reunion phase, so that the rest of the story could move along. Which will happen...soon enough. XP