A/N: What nagging feeling do you think this is that Sesshoumaru is experiencing? Why is this awful creeping sensation cramping up his new love life and perfect all this other everything to mess with his mood? Why's it always gotta be like that for the pretty ones? Well, I'll tell you why. Because I'm a terrible author. I like to paint a picture with a pallet of pretty pigments, you see, and it draws on the length and breadth of a longer span than the mind can attend at times. But if you've put up with me for this long then you must know how Sesshoumaru feels right now, as if something is nagging him, as if something is Missing from this story, as if something's wrong with the world today but you don't know what it is...
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When they reached the village, it was about mid-morning and all the children were being rounded up for lessons. Rin and Kagome and Sango had organized something loosely like schooling in the little village, teaching all the kids all sorts of useful things. And of course, Miroku and Inuyasha and even Shippou and Kohaku all got roped in anytime they were around. Jaken was often coerced into the taijiya demonstrations, much to his chagrin, so often tried to be scarce when these lessons were ongoing, and today was no exception-the imp was nowhere to be found. Ah-Un and Kirara sportingly indulged the fun, knowing they were far too strong to suffer any serious harm, and too wise to inflict any serious harm either. But there were other things that the children were taught, like herbal identifications and medicines with Jinenji, and cooking with Kaede, and even reading and writing lessons with Miroku. Of course some days they just went and played too; none of them were too rigorous to want to ruin the childhood part of their children being children.
That Kagome sure had a way of classifying everything, but it was effective enough, and engaged the children in many ways, broadening their skills. They were growing much more enlightened, as one would say, and it was good for all.
Sesshoumaru had very successfully dodged nearly all child-related responsibility for the longest time, that was, up until Inuyasha had created icky little spawn that called him Uncle. So now, he was once in a while coerced into the dreadful sitting. Oh, nobody ever Sat when they were Sitting, as he icily and often pointed out. That was just a big fat lie. No, you more often Ran than anything else, and gods forbid you ever sit On the baby! No way. No matter what they told you, that wasn't what they wanted, these parents who asked you to 'baby-sit' for them.
Well, alright, that part had been a joke. He'd never actually sat on a child.
Alright, he'd only Once sat on a child. And not entirely on them. More like...gently parking himself halfway on half of a child...yeah. He wasn't a very good babysitter. [It was deliberate. He acted horrible at it just enough to make sure Kagome didn't ask him unless she really really had nobody else to turn to. In all honesty, he bribed the kids to go along with the act for the few minutes after their parents got back after about the fourth time in a single week...long long story.]
"Uncoo Sesshie!" one such creature screeched, and Sesshoumaru sighed, trying very hard to look annoyed.
Kagura laughed outright. He adored his niece and nephew, and it was evident from the moment they were heard and all the while as they bounded happily up to him and latched onto his fur.
"Mokokosa!" the littlest one said gleefully.
"Uncoo Sesshie, we miss you!" the older one, the boy, smiled up at his uncle.
"Mm-hmm, you missed the Mokomoko-sama, you mean?" he lifted said fluff to dangle them teasingly, and they laughed.
"Nnoooo, we miss YOU!" the older child affirmed, letting go of the fluff and hugging his leg instead.
"Mokomo!" the little one agreed, clutching the fluff tighter.
"Sister, you're Mean!" the older one protested his younger sister, but Sesshoumaru just laughed.
"At least she's Honest."
"Oi, Sesshoumaru, Kagura," Inuyasha trotted up behind his kids, chuckling, "they attacked the fluff as usual, eh?"
"What else would they do? They're from your ilk," Sesshoumaru snorted, meaning none of it offensively.
"Lady Kagura!" Rin yelled happily as she ran over, and Ah-Un walked casually behind her. Kagome and Sango and Kaede were still wrangling most of the children, so they waved and smiled widely from the side, but didn't walk over at the moment. Miroku and Jinenji and Shippou were also trying to keep the rowdier kids from jostling each other into starting some kind of push-shove battle, which was a favorite among the more hyperactive children.
"Rin?" Kagura raised her eyebrows at the teenager, then gasped as the young woman, nearly her own size, threw her arms around wide and gave a firm hug.
"I'm so glad that you're alive again, Lady Kagura! Lord Sesshoumaru has been so lonely without you all this time!"
Sesshoumaru blushed as Kagura settled and hugged her back, glancing over the girl's shoulder at her mate.
"He tried to hide it, of course," Rin said as she drew back politely, smiling, "but it was pretty obvious. He'd look at everyone else and watch them exchange romantic looks, and he'd get so quiet sometimes...but now he's so happy!"
It really was that obvious to her. After all that bravado, she saw right through it.
"Speaking of romantic looks," Sesshoumaru began coolly, "isn't Kohaku here yet, Rin?"
Now it was Rin's turn to blush, and she ducked her head a bit as she stammered out an answer.
"N-no, he'll be here tomorrow or m-maybe as late as the day after."
Kagura chuckled. It was clear that they'd developed a strong father-daughter type of relationship over the years, and it was rather adorable to see it in action.
"K-ka-Kagura! You're alive again! And you don't smell like Naraku!" a vaguely familiar tanuki ran over, waving.
"Oh, tanuki-friend," Kagura blinked, then sheepishly, "ah, I don't know if I recall your name..."
"Oh, you wouldn't," he smiled as he bowed himself in introduction, "Hachi, Miroku's right-hand man. Eh, right-hand tanuki, that is. You know, Miroku and I had once discussed how it was all thanks to you that Naraku was defeated."
"All thanks to me?" Kagura raised both eyebrows, and Inuyasha snorted as Miroku drifted over, and Sango and Kaede and Kagome and all the children had also begun to get closer. Of course the whole village couldn't help but be eager to confirm all the rumors and hear all the new gossip for themselves...at least all the close friends couldn't help it and would inevitably draw near.
"Yes indeed," Miroku began in a sagely tone, "for you see, it was because of how deeply Lord Sesshoumaru felt in his heart that he was able to unlock the Meidou Zangetsuha technique, and then to sacrifice it to the Tetsusaiga, which led to his ability to rediscover his own true power instead of relying on his Father's strength, and regenerate his arm along with unveiling Bakusaiga, and thus their strength was able to bring Naraku down to where Kagome's sacred arrow was able to purify his miasmic body and purge him from this realm. But without Sesshoumaru's power, Naraku's physical being would have thwarted us for a long time. It's even possible that he'd still be alive."
"Keh! I was the one who-"
"Inuyasha, we're not talking about who used the Meidou on Naraku, we're talking about the fact that Sesshoumaru was only able to first use and develop the technique because of the feelings in his own heart," Kagome reminded him.
Sesshoumaru had hidden his face behind his bangs this entire time, embarrassed.
"In any case, I'd just like to congratulate you two on being happily reunited, and I hope you stay to enjoy the festival we're going to have!" Hachi interrupted the embarrassing recollections, for which Sesshoumaru was grateful.
"Yes, the festival is going to be so much fun!" Rin chirped, taking Kagura's hand, "come make some decorations with me, Lady Kagura, I'll show you the prettiest ones!"
"Uh, well I..." Kagura glanced at Sesshoumaru who grinned at her approvingly, "okay, Rin, I'd love to," she agreed.
As questions and laughter and merriment continued on their meandering way into and about the village while everyone caught up with everyone, Sesshoumaru nearly forgot about the odd uncomfortable feeling until it resurfaced later.
The day had waned and the sun was nearly setting, and Kagura was being accosted by Kagome and Sango and Rin to join them all in a nice hot bath so they could all relax together. Tonight, in light of the upcoming events, the menfolk were going to take the children around on a "late-night scavenger hunt contest" which actually amounted to Miroku and Inuyasha and a few of the other men pretending to entertain the kids but honestly putting them to work. They'd hide a few things around the forest and whoever found it could give all the branches they'd collected so far to one of the adults to carry. The game didn't stop until at least two of the three items had been found. The kid who gave their adult the heaviest load was the winner, and everyone else had to carry their own bundle back. This gave the women a couple hours of personal time to unwind and catch up...
And Sesshoumaru felt that discomfort growing worse and worse...yet he Still couldn't quite place what it was. All he knew was that it was getting to be pretty bad, gnawing at his mind like a mite would chew on a stray dog's ear, and along with it the feeling that something was missing...
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To make the next few days of expected and routine behavior much shorter, the preparations for the festival and the celebration itself went marvelously, and Kagura was several times during these few days moved to tears by the kindness and warmth and open generosity showed to her by all her new friends. She was astounded that they all had been so willing to welcome her with open arms, even after all the things that had happened in the past.
As they kept reminding her though, those were things she did under duress, without any choice. And during the best time of the week, the height of the festival, Toutousai even arrived and presented her with a new fan, one he said he'd been working on for a few days because he figured she needed a new one now that she was alive again.
Yet even after discussing the plans for the Crystal to be bound again in the new place, even after spending the time letting loose and dancing with his future bride, even after indulging in strong drink and lots of good food and lots of laughs with his family and friends...
Something still nagged at Sesshoumaru fiercely, in the back of his mind, unceasingly, unrelentingly.
It was another such night after the festival was over. Kohaku and Kirara were still around, but Toutousai and Myouga and Moumou had left already, only really showing up for the food like the old geezers they were. Inuyasha and Miroku were going to retire early, having just gotten back from slaying a particularly agile youkai in one of the nearby villages. Kagome and Sango and Rin had once again insisted that Kagura join them for some womanly relaxation time, which Sesshoumaru had politely shooed her away to go join them, telling her she needed to have fun with her female friends. She had accepted, more because she sensed his desire to have some time alone than anything else.
Sesshoumaru, for his part, was on patrol. He often did this when his brother was engaged in his fatherly duties or whatnot, but right now he was mostly pacing about with his own aggravating thoughts.
Something just isn't right...
Absently pausing to watch the fiery sunset bathe the sky in blood-red hues, he barely noticed when Kaede walked up the back of the knoll to stand about an arm's length from him, herself looking at the horizon with her one keen eye.
"Lord Sesshoumaru, 'tis a most ominous darkening of the sun's departure, do ye not concur?"
He never did know how she was always so wise to these things. Nobody else had taken notice of his unsettled feeling.
"Tell me, Kaede, what this means to you. To me, it's simply a red sky and a subtle feeling."
"As 'twas with my sister Kikyou, a blood-red sunset may often be an omen of death, or of the visit of a recently deceased spirit. Although sometimes it's merely an omen of illness, or nothing at all. Perhaps it is meant for another's misfortune," she said, though neither of them honestly believed it to be coincidental. She'd had a feeling that something was up with him.
"I've been having this strange sensation ever since...ever since returning from the Netherworld. Perhaps..."
"What ails ye, Lord Sesshoumaru?"
"Something's wrong. I don't know what it is, but something is...off. I can't quite place it."
"Mmm," Kaede noised thoughtfully, "perhaps ye have simply grown wary of what must seem too good to be true."
"I thought that might be it too," Sesshoumaru admitted, crossing his arms in thought, "but I took some time to think it over, and I'm sure that's not it. I only know what it's not. It's not doubts about Kagura, or harboring of any ill will or grudge against anyone, or anything like that. It's far away, but it's close. It's a...the one thing I keep thinking is that it's like a Whispered Shout. Which doesn't make much sense," he huffed and frowned. "And something's missing. I just don't know what."
"Have ye asked anyone else?" Kaede glanced at him curiously.
"Who else would know? I doubt even you have an answer, but at least you're able to notice. What would be the point of asking anyone else, Kaede? I don't even know what I would be asking. 'Hey Inuyasha, can you tell me why I feel like something's missing right now?' As if he can answer me that!"
"Hm, perhaps ye have a point," Kaede murmured, "though I didn't necessarily say 'twas ye brother ye should ask."
Sesshoumaru sighed.
"Who would you suggest?"
"Shippou seems to have the least obligations. Besides that, as a fox of astute study, he has a way with fishing out the secrets of the heart. If 'twere me, I would seek his dialogue," Kaede suggested honestly.
"Hmm, you're right about that," Sesshoumaru hummed, then with a deep nod of his head, he added, "Thank you, Kaede."
She nodded back, but he didn't really stick around to acknowledge her acknowledgment, leaping off to find the fox.
.
It wasn't hard for Sesshoumaru to sniff out where Shippou had gone off to, and after gesturing briefly, he stole the kitsune away from the menial final clean-ups, and they went for a short walk out past the outskirts of town before Shippou grew too curious to wait.
"Sesshoumaru, what's this about? You seem...a little tense," Shippou observed after a few minutes of uneasy quiet.
"I'm not exactly sure what it's about, Shippou. That's most of the problem," Sesshoumaru decided to cut straight to the point. "I've been having this odd feeling, and for some reason I can't figure out why. I can't place it. There's something missing, something off, something Wrong. I hadn't been sure how to even begin to approach it, but Kaede's suggested to me that I ask your assistance in pinpointing the issue. Apparently, your reputation precedes you. So I figured it couldn't hurt."
"Oh? Uh, well, okay," Shippou blinked, "I'll do my best, then. So...so tell me, what's this feeling Like? What's so odd about it that you can't figure it out? I mean, are you sure it's not just that you feel like it's too good-"
"Too good to be true? No, I asked myself that a dozen times, that's not it," Sesshoumaru shook his head, "that was the first and last and third and tenth things I thought of. This is different. It's not a normal sort of feeling that follows or invokes a specific thought. Not really, except that it's unsettling, and distant, I think, and yet it's Close. It's like a whispered shout. That's what I keep thinking, that's All I keep thinking, is that it's like a whispered shout, so quiet and yet so loud, so close and yet so far. And that something's missing."
"Uhm, maybe..." Shippou frowned, "maybe you left something in the Netherworld? Oh I know, it's your clothes!"
"Don't be Ridiculous," Sesshoumaru frowned, not really in the mood for humor.
Shippou sighed apologetically.
"I guess that wasn't so funny. But if I were to really think about it..." Shippou frowned and looked at the ground in deep thought, crossing his arms as he spoke, "I couldn't really say for sure. You didn't give me a lot to go on. But I think you just might've left something important in the Nether. Tell you what, why not just describe that feeling to me in more detail and we'll go from there?"
Sesshoumaru sighed and decided to settle himself down at the base of a large tree, and Shippou followed suit.
"It's a feeling of anxiety, a feeling of loneliness, a feeling of guilt, of shame, of loss. It's Here, so close that it's breathing down my neck...but far over There, so distant that I can't even see it from the top of a high mountain on a clear day. It's precise, but undefinable. It's overwhelming, yet subtle. It's...it feels empty. Or rather, it makes me feel like...like part of my being is emptying out, hollowing from the inside."
Troubled wasn't the word for it, Shippou realized. And he wasn't sure he was qualified to handle this.
"I'm not sure what to tell you, Sesshoumaru," the fox murmured, then idly, "if Jaken were here, I bet you'd ask him instead of me. Hey, where is the little frog anyways?"
Sesshoumaru stopped thinking. Without a word, his breath caught in his throat and his face grew more pale than even his usual untanned pallor, and his eyes widened slightly. He stood without realizing he was standing, and now he was trembling, fists clenched, and Shippou was confused for only about another half-second before it clicked.
Jaken.
As soon as he'd mentioned the little toad, Sesshoumaru had reacted with such an abrupt difference that it had to be about Jaken. And as a matter of fact, nobody had seen the little guy since...well, Shippou wasn't sure really since when exactly, but now that he thought about it, Ah-Un had brought Inuyasha to the cave where the Crystal was, and Jaken hadn't been with them. That had been, like, a long time ago. Shippou hadn't seen him since either.
Apparently, neither had Sesshoumaru.
Something gripped the dog taiyoukai in an ice-chilled squeeze, clenching tightly around his gut with an unsettled feeling that grew exponentially by the second.
"I..." Sesshoumaru paused, his gaze torn as he glanced off to the side towards Kagura, in the bath-house with the other women, and before he pondered it, he leaped that way, not even thinking twice about what he was doing.
Oh well, Shippou bit his lip as unease brought idle thoughts to surface, it's Sesshoumaru, not Miroku. The women won't hold it too much against him.
Sesshoumaru only stopped to think about the fact that he was almost going to walk in on them about half a step before he committed the near-crime, and with a pause and a half-step backwards, he tapped on the doorpane to the bath-house and called for Kagura gently.
"Kagura? I have to leave you here. It's urgent," he said, and a sploosh of water as she jumped up and hurried to the door preceded the quieting of the other ladies' curious murmurs.
"My love?" she peered outside, opening the door a bit to look at him. She instantly saw how troubled he looked, and she grew confused.
"Jaken is missing. I have to go find him," Sesshoumaru said, and though he tried to be casual, Kagura could tell he was very upset. She realized then that before her death, she'd never actually seen the toad very far from Sesshoumaru, at least not for very long, yet she hadn't seen him even once since she'd been brought back to life, and it had been a few weeks now...
"I understand, you do what you must. I'll be fine here, honest. It'll give me some time to bond with my new female friends, my love," she said, kissing him farewell in understanding as he sighed in relief.
As he leapt into the sky, Shippou watched for only a moment before whistling a shrill note, one he knew that Ah-Un had been trained to be alert to.
Ah-Un knew it was Shippou and not Sesshoumaru that had whistled, but decided to carry the fox nonetheless, and followed Sesshoumaru without a word.
"Hey, what's that about?" Inuyasha wondered, watching them speed away in the sky, then looking over at Kaede.
"Lord Sesshoumaru had been trying to ascertain what had been bothering him when I saw him gaze upon the foreboding russet color of the sunset. I suggested he ask Shippou. Apparently it worked, and he left after a moment at the door of the bath-house, most likely telling Kagura why he was leaving or when he would return. I wager she knows the most now, save those who just left the village," she recounted her observations quite matter-of-factly.
"Hmm, he did seem kinda bothered, but I just thought it was the new-couple jitters," Inuyasha flicked his ears.
"Aye, 'twas my first thought too, but he assures 'tis not the case. I believed him when he said it."
"I'm sure Kagura will let us know when she's done with her bath," Inuyasha shrugged.
But something just bugged him about the way Sesshoumaru had suddenly taken off like that. He thought he smelled that one thing he hated catching a whiff of from his brother...
Fear. And specifically, that kind that carried despair with it. The fear that emanated from somebody who was more than just a little worried.
He didn't know what might've caused that reaction in his older brother, but he didn't like it one little bit.
Closing the door to the bath-house slowly, Kagura turned and began to dry off herself, choosing not to rejoin the other ladies in the bath, her mind falling somber and quiet.
"What's the matter, Kagura?" Kagome asked, the first one willing to talk.
"He's so upset right now. Oh, forgive me," Kagura blushed, "I shouldn't be so bothered by it. Sesshoumaru just went to find Jaken, but he just seemed so perturbed that I don't know what to think, really."
"Hmm, Master Jaken hasn't been here in an awful long time," Rin said thoughtfully, and her face showed visible signs of worry as she continued to think, "and actually, he was supposed to be here at least twice that he's not shown up. Including for the festival...but we were all so worried about everything else, and so busy getting ready, so very excited to see you alive again...we all completely forgot. Oh, how could we forget Master Jaken?!" Rin lamented, and even Kagome and Sango hung their heads in shame at having entirely discounted the often-overlooked little toad.
Kagura paused at that reaction, sensing something she hadn't picked up on before.
"You mean, he's been missing for a very long time now?"
"Yes, in fact..." Rin shuddered, a few tears starting to fall in shame as she thought of how long it had been, "he was supposed to be here shortly before Inuyasha returned, and then go run some errands and be back, like I said, for the festival. But nobody's seen him since he left Ah-Un here about..." here she paused, counting.
"Nine-no, about ten weeks. And he was only supposed to be gone about two," Kagome arrived at the conclusion first, saying it slowly and painfully as she put her head down, "oh, we really all messed up, didn't we?"
"Poor Master Jaken!" Rin sniffled, "I hope he's okay!"
"I'm sure he'll be fine, Rin. Jaken hasn't lived to be so old without figuring out how to survive," Sango said in an attempt to reassure the younger woman.
Mood spoiled now, the women all shortly left the bath and told the others, and soon the ominous feeling was much more easily understood by the speculative group.
Inuyasha frowned and said nothing after hearing that his brother had gone to find Jaken, merely flicking his ears low and gazing up at the sky in the direction his brother went, thumbing the hilt of Tetsusaiga.
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Well, it TOOK them long enough, now Didn't It? I Swear! *Sighs*
Hehe, well there you have it. Now let's see how it goes from here, where do you think Jaken is, what's keeping him so long? Will he be okay? Has he run away, has he been kidnapped, did he go find the love of his life and decide to abscond and elope? What happens next? Tune in next time for another installment of...As The Dereliction of Fan-Written Fiction continues with another episode of...20 Years Ago This Was My Favorite Show! Starring...fanfiction writers for series popular before the turn of this century! Also including such cliche` references as, Dog Jokes, Fox Jokes, cheeky puns, popular phrasings, substitutions of linguistic preference, like youkai=demon=youkai and of course, as always, repetitive redundant repeating of many many words, words like has, have, had, do, does, did, being, be, been, am, is, are, was, were, can, could, shall, should, will, would, may, might, must...