A/N: This is a one-shot that focuses on Donna dealing with three separate emotions/situations with different people over the years vs with Harvey.
Mainly it's her dealing with the feeling of Rejection, Firsts, and praise/attention
I really hope you guys enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing some of it (some of it was more of a struggle to write for some reason lol)
As always critiques, comments and suggestions are more than welcome Xxx
NOTE: _(a line) is a new scenario or situation while / signals the parallel moment with Harvey
P.S.: For an extra cute read (my fav to write in this one) read the second half, or you know stick around till the end hehe.
With You, It's Different
Donna was excited about her dinner with Daniel. He's a music composer with an interest in the theater realm, and she hasn't been this giddy about someone since- since her earlier days around Harvey, except this felt more concrete, there was genuine potential here for a full blown relationship she was going on a real date with the guy.
He was a friend of a friend she met at a party and the moment they were talking in a group, her eyes couldn't stay off him. So when he asked her out later that night and they exchanged numbers, Donna Paulsen felt the beginning flutters that every girl associated with their crush.
She got off work at a reasonable hour at 6 o'clock, she put on a brand new black dress that's short and flirty and shows off the perfect amount of cleavage, her hair is styled in effortless waves, and her makeup is on point, if she does say so herself. And she does say so.
They're going to meet at the restaurant and she's excited about the location, it's her lucky date restaurant- Belle Masa, a mexican-italian infused cuisine three star restaurant that has her favorite birria pasta.
Daniel was waiting at their reserved table, he's wearing a tight navy sweater and dark jeans and damn- does he look great with his black slicked hair, gorgeous green eyes and hint of stubble on his cheekbones.
Donna feels her heart flutter excitedly once again as they greet each other with a quick peck on the cheek and he slides her chair for her.
"Chivalry isn't dead I see." Donna teased and Daniel chuckled. "Not in my world."
He ordered ruja for their table, and they knocked the whole bottle out.
They talk about their days, their interests, their dreams and their jobs. He makes her laugh around five different times, his leg brushes hers subtly under the table, he never once didn't reciprocate her questions back and he maintained heavy eye contact with her throughout the night, like she was his only priority.
Donna felt smitten already.
He's gorgeous, thoughtful, funny and insanely talented within his field. He entertains her with stories about all her favorite actresses and backstage stories on the magic happening behind her beloved productions and she honestly can't remember the last time she had such a good date.
She's definitely inviting him over for a nightcap.
His phone rang and he excused himself to get it.
Donna smiled and nodded, taking the moment of reprieve to text Rachel an update on how good the date was going.
Three minutes later Daniel came back with a weary smile on his face that Donna immediately clocks.
"Everything ok?"
"Yeah, everything is fine."
Donna doesn't push it.
She unpaused her own story, telling Daniel a funny anecdote about Brenda, their mutual friend, and Daniel laughed at the right places but his heart wasn't in it anymore.
Donna swallowed down the confused feeling of what she could possibly be doing wrong.
They finished up their dinner and their wine, and when the waiter asked if they wanted any dessert, Donna anxiously waited for Daniel to take the reins, suddenly unsure if he'd want to prolong their date.
"That's ok, a check will be fine."
Donna's heart deflated while her lips were still twisted up politely for their waiter.
They pay and she gets up from her seat, putting on her coat and waiting till they're outside to finally ask.
"What was that phone call about?"
"What?"
Donna sent him a look. "Oh come on, we were having a great time, you almost choked on your tacos laughing so hard at all my stories and all of a sudden you can't even look at me for more than 5 seconds. Is it me, is there something on my face that's embarrassing?" She jokingly points all over her face, wiping nonexistent flaws and Daniel let out a soft chuckle at her antics.
"I'm sorry. The truth is, I just got out of a relationship and she was the one who called me. Honestly… I may have been overestimating how ready I was to go on a date."
"Oh." Donna Paulsen hasn't read someone so wrong since she was an angsty teenager going through puberty and growing into her personality and body.
She'd overread into every single interaction as Daniel meekly forced on a smile to appease her.
"I'm sorry it's-"
"Please don't say it's not you it's me unless you want to pay for the hangover I'll be sporting tomorrow." Donna winced as she clasped her hand around his wrist- his nice, broad and steady wrist. She quickly released him from her grip as she mourned the loss of their connection even if it was concocted by her imagination.
Daniel chuckled. "I'm sorry, I guess brunettes are still more my type than redheads." he quipped and Donna raised a brow at it.
"You just made getting over you slightly easier." she responded dryly, not used to being rejected well, at all, since she grew out of her young teens and early 20s.
It stung, but she's hoping the feeling of embarrassment will wash away as soon as she's in the comfort of her apartment away from prying eyes.
"One thing I don't understand if you weren't into me, why'd you ask me out?"
"Honestly? When we met at the party my friend encouraged me to get back into the game and I thought I should. It didn't hurt that you were-"
"A complete 180 from your ex would make you get over her faster?"
Daniel smiles sheepishly. "Sort of. I know it's a dick move, I'm sorry."
Donna shook her head. "That's ok. I get it. Sorry it didn't help you."
"Sorry for the shitty date."
"You weren't so bad. You know, up until you broke my heart." She joked with a wink.
Donna ended the night alone in her apartment, nursing a soothing mint herbal tea as she watched a rerun of Julia Roberts' My best friend's wedding. It wasn't how she hoped the night would end, with nothing but her warm cup and Rachel's sympathetic texts trying to cheer her up for company.
But she'll get over it.
True to her word, by the end of the movie, Donna's laughing and sleeping contently in her comforting bed.
/ / /
Harvey's grinning at her with less than contained amusement and pride shining in his eyes as she finished her story leading Donna to feel her spine stand just a little bit straighter as she basked in his attention.
All of a sudden he said "Look at you, beautiful!"
Donna blinked in surprise before she felt her lips smile. She suddenly felt Jessica's presence waltz behind her, taking the compliment confidently as Donna fought the urge not to blush up like a red hot tomato.
She thought he was referencing her.
She felt her chin lower itself as she hid her facial expression as it transformed from a smile to a pursed lip. She immediately channeled her inner actress and jutted out her chin one more time, a warm smile replacing her embarrassed nature. Harvey didn't notice. Of course he doesn't.
But Donna has never been more aware of her heart panging loudly against her chest, her ears ringing just the slightest bit, tinged red with the resentment of Harvey's words affecting her so deeply when he meant them for someone else.
She knew he thought she was attractive, could even contend he would consider her beautiful. all the comments over the years and their initial meet-cute with the impending sex they had all added up to one Harvey Specter finding Donna Paulsen pretty.
Still, that was before and this was the now. And Donna was confident in herself, always- yet somehow Harvey managed to knock her down a peg with his reckless comment.
Jessica spoke up, asking them to deliver the demons "to take the son of a bitch's name down." and Harvey looked over to Donna with the grin of a 5 year old boy asking her if she wants to get the pliers and help him and she can't say no.
She told him she'll go call maintenance to get the tools while he goes to the bathroom- not before promising her a big dinner.
"Gotta carbo-load after your big knock-out Ali" He quipped as he fumbled around with his phone, probably getting his favorite italian from Carbone.
Donna struggled not to feel overwhelmed with the 180 happening tonight. She felt embarrassed for slipping up for one second thinking Harvey was complimenting her so openly, she felt humiliated and appalled by herself for ever thinking that way- for letting herself time and time again to be burned by Harvey Specter. Rejected in new and subtle ways that leave her hurting in ways she didn't think possible.
Has she no self respect? But then the other side of her is enraged at him, for flirting with her and praising her and seeking her out all the damn time like tonight because he's the reason she keeps slipping up like this. It's not like it's one-sided.
She felt a little bruised ego wise, because he'll openly flirt with anyone at the office, including her, but when it comes to anything concrete he deflects it.
She still felt a tinge of hope and happiness that he asked her to stick around for dinner. Even though it's just because she's there, and he's lonely, not because it was her.
She sighed as she walked into her cubicle to contact Matt the repairman, swallowing down her confusing thoughts and promising herself to acknowledge them in the privacy of her home tonight, after she selfishly let Harvey's presence and time soothe her troubled mind.
It took her exactly an entire week to finally get over the comment and stop feeling the sting of his rejection, chalking it up to a miscommunication and ignoring everything it meant.
Her first date with Thomas was breathtaking in every single way Donna swore there were multiple moments throughout the night she had to remind herself to breathe and pinch herself.
He was hot, easy on the eyes, and his charm and quick thinking reflex and witty comebacks did not once waiver from their initial meeting, like it usually did with most guys.
Oh no, Thomas Kessler was on his A-game tonight, she even thought he had no game, that this was just his personality- smoothe, suave, funny, and kind- so kind Donna couldn't believe he was running such a successful almost 500 fortune interior design company.
He'd offered to pick her up at her place which she promptly denied in case his emoji game was not a promise of what was to come. He offered to pick her up at the office instead, and Donna quickly said no to that as well, the sirens going off in her head as she pictured any of her colleagues seeing her go on a date with a client. Louis, would gush and make many marriage and upcoming wedding jokes that would turn her bright red, Samantha would smirk slyly or frown in judgment she's never quite clear where they stand, and Harvey-
She didn't even want to think about what his reaction would be.
Donna quickly shut down his offer and told him she'd be running a bit late from a meeting so she'd just come straight to the restaurant. A lie, but a necessary one.
At exactly 8:15 Donna showed up at the restaurant and as she stepped out of her cab, there Thomas was standing in front of the restaurant next to the doorman, with a small bouquet of red roses and a big grin on his face.
"Thought I'd still charm you at the front door, even if it isn't your own. Gotta earn as many brownie points as I can if I'm going to convince you to break your rules and date a client right?"
Donna felt her face split into a big smile, amazed and shocked at his gesture that was somehow incredibly sweet, corny, and one of the most thoughtful things anyone's ever done for her.
"You're right. And these are gorgeous, thank you." She softly grasped the bouquet out of his arm as he leaned forward giving her a peck on the cheek as hello.
"How'd you know I'd be 15 minutes late?" Donna asked curiously.
Thomas had a sheepish look cross his face. "I've been waiting outside since 7:50."
Donna's eyes widened slightly. "Wow. can't tell if that's chivalrous or stupid."
"Can't it be both?"
"Oh you're good." They shared a laugh before walking into the restaurant, a five star Italian place that's warm and inviting in its decor.
He took her coat and let the waiter put the roses in the middle of their table. He pulled out her chair and waited for her to be seated before rounding the table for his own. He asked her about her meeting, took interest in her business talk and responded kindly with follow-up questions and praise.
10 minutes in he stops her conversation about Louis and her- "Ok stop, you're entertaining the hell out of me and inspiring more confidence about me being a client of your firm. But I don't want this to be a shop-talk dinner. I wanna know all about you, not just you as a COO."
Donna felt surprised for the second time in a row that night.
If she had dreamed up the perfect man to say the exact words she'd been wanting to hear for a long time now… Thomas Kessler would be it.
"Well that just so happens to be my favorite topic to discuss." She teased and Thomas chuckled.
"So, lets see if it'll be a shared favorite topic." He asked her about her upbringing which launched a million different tangent conversations over the span of their dinner.
They discuss Connecticut versus the MidWest, New York, the artistic aspirations they laid away for their grown-up jobs with massive 401ks, what it's like having nieces and nephews, and why exactly Thomas should watch Game of Thrones, which he agrees to only if she watches his favorite, Quantico.
Thomas ordered the balsamic glazed steak rolls while Donna opted for their honey glazed salmon on a bed of wild rice and asparagus.
He offered her a bite of his dish, and Donna moaned as she took it. Thomas swallowed somewhat bemusedly, somewhat turned on by it.
Donna sent him a knowing smile before commenting "That was really good. You want some of mine?"
Thomas nodded and they ended up sharing their plates, which was Donna's optimal form of dining out.
She doesn't know how the night could get any better at all, till he mentioned his love of theatre at the end.
If she hadn't been sold before she was sold now, Thomas Kessler was coming over for a nightcap and she wasn't going to let him out of her sight anytime soon.
He agreed to her nightcap, helped her put her coat on, hailed a cab, held her flowers, complimented her taste regarding her apartment's design, and a half a drink later he was in her bed, between her sheets and legs.
It was perfect. Picture perfect even.
Yet there was still a niggle happening in the back of her head like something was missing, something was.. Off. Like a picture frame merely a quarter of the inch tilted on the wrong side, skewed off-center.
She ignored it, chalking it up to the unfamiliar feeling of the right guy in her life after a long dry spell in her love life.
/ / /
With Harvey, Donna honest to god could care less about all the other details of their first time out together.
It's not like she didn't care about their first date, It just happened so fast.
It was right after maybe their third or fourth night of countless rounds of earth-shattering life changing mind blowing sex.
Donna had barely been catching her breath, at the end of a delirious laugh spiral at the tailend of the fourth orgasm Harvey had given her in less than two hours.
"God that was-" she continued laughing. "At the expense of inflating your already big ego that honest to god might've topped your, my- our best record yet." Donna exhaled as she tried calming down her heart rate, head turning to the side as she let her body rest on her headboard, taking in Harvey's appearance.
She thought he'd look smug, and all-knowing, maybe even content with himself having satisfied her so well. Instead he had a mystified look on his face, eyes searching her face, a tiny small smile on his lips as he took her in. "Have dinner with me."
"Wh-what? We just did that and you're thinking of food." She scolded jokingly nudging his leg with her foot under the covers.
"Well first off, I think we both worked up a pretty big appetite. Orgasms burn off like 500 calories and yours were pretty bi-"
"Harvey!" She slapped him jokingly on his bare chest as he caged her with his body, rolling on top of her, grinning widely at her. "I'm serious. We haven't even gone on a date yet." He murmured as he let his hand twirl a strand of her hair away from her face.
"So now, at midnight you want us to go on our first date?"
Harvey nodded. "There's no time like the present." Donna grinned up at his determined look nodding slowly.
"You know I'm gonna have to steal one of your shirts to wear for dinner."
"Why what's wrong with what you were wearing earlier? It was.. Hot." He smirked remembering her low cut sweetheart bodice she was wearing, and Donna rolled her eyes at him.
"You ripped the sleeve, dumbass. You owe me a new Dolce." She tried keeping her amusement off her face as she glared at him but she knew he caught her as his grin grew wider, both of them remembering how god damn hot the move was, his rush to get her naked as he nipped her neck and went down her body with his eager lips, his teeth and force ruining her delicate vintage top.
"My shirts look better on you anyways." He kissed her cheek before getting up to get dressed and Donna realized he was serious about this.
Donna couldn't believe her first date with Harvey Specter was half past midnight, wearing one of his white dress shirts tied up and tucked messily into her jeans.
Her hair was a mess. She hadn't given it much thought, as it was thoroughly mused after hours of laying and tossing around in bed with Harvey so she's not sure how it looked.
Her makeup was likely either wiped off or a streaky remnant of what it was once earlier this evening, and she didn't care about that either.
He chose a diner spot, one of the few options available, and it was-
Donna moaned around her bite of burger, disbelief and pure bliss encapsulating her as she hummed around her last swallow. "That was so good."
She couldn't believe the best burger she'd ever had was a habanero pineapple burger with a side of a vanilla milkshake at a hole in the wall dining spot Harvey used to frequent.
Harvey grinned across from her, his smile almost too big for his face as his eyes lit up in amusement at her reaction.
She was pretty sure she had some hot sauce on the corner of her mouth, and he was looking at her with a mix of bewilderment and affection. "Your love of all things spicy and sweet is disgusting to watch." He quipped and Donna laughed knowing he was joking around like they used to.
She sighed before falling onto the back of her booth, clasping her hands over bloated and full stomach. "Sex before food was a smart idea."
"I'm full of smart ideas."
"Debatable, but sure honey." She smirked at him and Harvey laughed.
The entire night was a perfect mix of familiar and excitingly new. They'd had burgers and dinner before, he'd teased her about her shitty food palette, she'd rib him over how he kept stealing her food he pretended to hate.
The feeling of contentment is not new, the familiar ease and banter they have always present whenever they're been together.
But what was new was how her flutters had run wild, how his intense gaze over her thick cut fries was making her blush.
His hand resting close to hers, her leg grazing his to get a reaction out of him, her entire body being lit with excitement, every singular atom of her being, buzzing on a whole new level.
How he'd opened up to her about his family, talking about meeting up with Marcus and the kids with her, her not freaking out about meeting them barely one week into their relationship- that was all new and exciting terrain within their relationship they have yet to explore.
"I'm really glad we did this Harvey."
"Me too." He smiled bashfully at her.
A peaceful surreal quiet moment washed over them as their eyes stayed connected.
Both of them basking in the surreal new reality they were finally experiencing together after decades of yearning and wanting shared between them.
It was a moment of silent gratefulness that they were finally where they were meant to be.
After another brief spout of silence Donna finally interrupted it. "Would it be too soon to ask for some ice cream?"
Harvey shook his head at her. "Gotta go all out for a first date, right?"
"Well, your first impression window is long gone by now. And you failed. Miserably. But yes, some strawberry ice cream might make up for what a douche you were 13 years ago."
Harvey scoffed. "You know for a first date you're being kind of self-centered, and pushy." he quipped sarcastically and Donna chuckled at his response.
"Hey, if you don't want a second date that is fine by me just don't forget the whipped cream." She whispered the last part sultry and Harvey smirked down at her as he got up, "Never." He kissed her forehead before heading up to the counter to get the desert.
Donna grinned to herself.
This might've just been her best first date yet.
They were at the bar celebrating Rachel's case going so well and Harvey praising her good work. His exact words were "Nice job, Zane" to which Rachel beamed at before arranging her face back to a neutral look before responding with "Back atcha, Specter."
He'd frowned in bemusement at her wording and she'd mumbled back a more courteous "Thanks Harvey", realizing they weren't there yet within their working relationship. He'd let her off at a reasonable hour which led to Donna jumping into his office and dragging her away to the clubs to celebrate her win.
They ended up at the latest hottest club, and ordered four rounds of drinks, a mix of margaritas and Martinis.
They'd laughed over their drinks, put on their usual Harriet and Michelle schtick with nearby guys to get even more free drinks, danced to terrible renditions of old time pop songs, before finally collapsing at a corner round high bar table.
"God, I'm exhausted." Rachel commented as she ate some peanuts, wondering how many more she'd have to have to get back home safely.
"A good exhausted though, right?"
"Extremely well deserved and happy type of exhausted." Rachel exhaled with satisfaction, feeling like her life was finally perfect. Mike was at another job, no longer in fear of going to prison for being a fraud, she was at law school, earning money as a paralegal, and was Harvey's newest associate earning more experience and knowledge than she ever thought was possible with his reluctant mentoring.
Before Donna could respond with how proud she was of her, Rachel's eyes widened and kept staring behind her shoulder.
"What?"
"Don't look now, but that guy we said was the hottest one in here?" Donna nodded her response thinking back to Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome, with his wiley dark curls, five o'clock shadow, and body built like a brickhouse.
"Well he's walking over here and his eyes are trained on your hips."
Donna's eyes widened in excitement. "Oh my go-od" she whisper-sang "how do I look?"
Rachel grimaced slightly, "A little sweaty and drunk." Donna narrowed her eyes at her response and Rachel was quick to correct "I mean dewey and the right amount of carefree tipsy."
"Excuse me ladies, I hope I'm not interrupting but I just had to come over and compliment your dancing skills."
Rachel and Donna shared bemused grins before Donna turned around to face him "Well, that was real nice of you to come by and tell us what we already know."
Mystery man chuckled, eliciting a low rumble laugh that even had Rachel's body react to it.
"Well since you know everything I guess I don't have to add that my eyes haven't been able to look anywhere else but at you all night."
Rachel oohed in fascination at the exchange happening before her eyes. One of her favorite past times was seeing Donna flirt with men who either never had a chance, or had no idea what they were in for.
Donna knew that and was excited at making this extra-entertaining for her friend tonight as she slyly winked in her direction.
"Oh, I definitely noticed."
The guy whirled around to address Rachel for the first time since he came over as she giggled at Donna's response.
"Sorry," Rach chuckled, "I'm Rachel." Rachel waved as she let her other hand clutch her martini's straw twirling it around in anticipation.
"I'm Simon." He introduced himself, turning his attention back to the redhead.
"Hi, Simon" Donna greeted as he reached out to shake her hand.
"Do I not get a name?" Simon teased.
"I don't know if you deserve it yet." Donna replied, her lips smirking at the guy as she squeezed his hand the tiniest bit in hers.
"What would it take to earn it?"
"What, I have to do all the work and supply the answers? That's cheating Simon."
Simon grinned, shaking his head before clenching his jaw in determination, "Ok, how about dinner tomorrow night?"
"That's a good start…"
"What if I throw in another drink and after ten minutes of conversation you'll give me your name and your phone number?"
"I do like the confidence."
"Just trying to match yours." he brazenly responded.
Rachel saw her best friend's eyes do a quick one-over of Simon's physique and she already knew where this was going.
Rachel felt a twinge of jealousy and amazement at how Donna somehow got the hottest guy at the club, the one who'd been getting eye-fucked by every girl in the place, by simply existing near his peripheral view, not even having to try and get his attention.
"Okay, give me your phone."
He passed her along his blackberry and Donna typed in her contact info.
"Donna?" Simon grinned pleased with the information.
"That's me." Donna dreamily replied and Simon ginned even wider. "Ok, Donna, I'll be right back with that drink of yours."
As soon as he's out of ear shot Rachel squealed "God is it just me or did he sing your name like a prayer the last time."
"You've had too much to drink if you're fawning over men who aren't Mike Ross." Donna mused as she played about with her phone, before pulling it up to her ear.
"What are you doing?"
"Shh" Donna shushed. From a distance, Rachel saw Simon pull up his own phone to his ear.
"Hi Simon? How about I do you one better and we go get drinks at my place tonight?"
"Are you trying to one up me Donna?" Simon's voice carried over Donna's phone.
"Not trying, succeeding."
He agreed to her change of plans with a throaty chuckle that definitely sent currents of excitement down Donna's body. Donna hung up with a sly smile on her "I feel like I just won the night."
"I feel like he just won the night." Rachel corrected and Donna laughed.
They part ways with Rachel excited to go home early to Mike tonight, and Donna trying very hard not to seem incredibly proud as her and Simon walked out of the club with all eyes of jealousy on her. She basked in the attention.
/ / /
Harvey's hands and eyes have been all over Donna tonight. She feels like she can't even breathe with how intensely he's been roaming all over her as they danced with one another.
He hasn't had his eyes stray away from her face, lips, or body- attention zeroed in completely on her, and Donna definitely hasn't had her eyes on anyone else either. She can't even think of anyone else but him- even though it was her best friend's wedding, even though they delivered the low blow of moving to the other side of the country, all Donna can focus on is Harvey- from the minute he walked into the room, to the second he asked for her hand and guided her to the dancefloor.
When he came in and greeted her with a quick thank you, when they were getting ready to walk down the aisle hand in hand, when her best friends were receding their vows, when Mike delivered the news they were leaving to him.
All night long she'd only had eyes on him. He seemed to return the sentiment once they were on the dance floor. "You look nice tonight." He murmured, his words grazing her ears and causing her insides to warm while her stomach did somersaults at his subtle and barely complimentary words.
"I know." she confidently replied back, a small smile playing at her lips, hoping her words didn't reveal how much his had affected her.
They keep swaying together, bodies close to one another. She feels Harvey's breath on her neck and his short hair strands in between her fingertips and Harvey just adjusted their stance so they were cheek to cheek now. God does he smell good.
She's not sure if she's dancing to the music or her loud heartbeats, but all she knows is she can feel his entire being against hers.
And it's all she's focusing on- her attention zeroed in on him and only him.