12

Ianto had walked over and looked down, those below clambering about like nutters and he called out "What are you doing?"

"Catch" came the faint reply and a length of rope was thrown up at him caught with ease and then Jack was there panting from the exertion as he took the rope from Ianto and pulled up what looked like some wire attached to the other end of the rope.

"What are you doing?" Ianto hated repeating himself.

"Boosting the radio signal" Jack replied, swinging to kiss him with glee before returning to his task "We have a CB radio down there in a vehicle… Toshiko is trying to get a signal on the maritime channel."

Ianto was not sure how to respond but he knew this was something he had to respond to in some way "Right. Then… we need lookouts in case a passing ship comes our way. We need to get to our signal fires."

Jak nodded and Ianto found himself at the ridge, looking out to sea with a mixed feeling in his gut. To be saved, to get everyone to safety is a good thing, yes? But is it? What comes next?

Ianto felt sick.

What if Jack leaves him, what if it is a case of 'What Happens on the Island Stays on the Island' or something? Did Jack have family? Would he leave Ianto?

In the distance he thought he saw something. A distant shape against the horizon and at first he told himself it was a whale or something. Deep down he knew it wasn't. Deep down he knew it was Toshiko's doing and he was watching their rescue vessel coming in real time.

And he had never felt so afraid.

He had thought, siting by Lisa's bed, that this was the worst fleeing someone could have but standing there with that flare gun in his hand… he now knew a worse feeling.

Lisa was not his fault, not his fault he lost her.

Once he fired this gun, signaled their location… Losing Jack would be all on him.

Was it wrong to hesitate?

Because he did.

But… this is Ianto, and he does what he should. He would always put others first and these people needed to be rescued. Even if it meant Jack walking away from him like he half-pie expects him to. Whether he liked it or not, he turned his face away and raised the gun, firing into the sky. Then he crouched, puling that letter from his pocket to light with the matches kept in the tin full of tinder.

Once the fire in the tin was going, he slid it all under the wood and after a few minutes he was watching the signal fire roar higher than him.

He turned back to sea.

It was closer.

He sighed, sending up a second flare, then feeling those hands he knew so well slide around his waist and pull him to one side so Jack could stand front and center, looking in the direction Ianto had.

"YES!" Jack punched the air and swung around Ianto again, running back toward the cabin and yelling that one was coming. It had worked. Ianto sighed leaving his post to wearily walk towards the cabin and all he had come to love, that feeling of dread … like opening the school report card… made his feet concrete blocks.

Time to lose it all… again.

.

.

"I will carry Dylan if someone carries my bag" Barbie was saying as she hoisted the little one to her hip and Ianto reached out.

"It's OK Barb. I will take him, you want to make sure you can show them where Ken is" he said, taking the child as she looked at him with gratitude, then started to run for the track down to the shore.

The first of the inflatables was now approaching in the time it took for him to drag his feet down there and he watched in a detached way as Jack took over, talking, shaking hands, laughing and gesturing.

Then he was on one of those things, once more on the water in something full of air… moving at speed.

He looked around at the others, their glee evident, their joy, relief and all he felt was that twist in his gut as he noticed that Jack had taken another boat, had not looked back and was seemingly almost giddy.

Then Ianto was on this… what… pleasure cruise liner… fuck. Like… so many levels, so many ways to get lost and he felt a strange relief as they were split up and placed in separate cabins.

Finally… strangely… silent.

Jack had not even glanced in his direction, all business and teethy smile, he had simply disembarked the lifeboat and began to walk away. He did not look back. Ianto had stood and watched him turn a corner and... disappear. His fears were cloying like a sticky sweat in the middle of summer. Jack had left him behind. Would he come back when he remembered his promise not to leave him? Or was it ... well. Did he have the right to expect anything would remain the same back here in the real world? Did he have any right to demand anything from that man?

Ianto settled on the bed letting his hand slide over the linens and then he rose, and headed for the bathroom, stepping into the shower while still fully clothed, turning on the water as hot as he possibly could and then he stood there and let it rain on him.

Washing him clean.

Washing it all away.

And no one would know he was weeping.