Review Responses
Jlargent: I'll probably do "Top Gun" in the future. I was never a big fan of "Footloose" , though.
Pharamine: I'm definitely writing an adaptation of Max Payne eventually. And, once more, thanks for pointing out the mistakes for me.
Tiger2014: I'm afraid not. Sorry for any disappointment. But hopefully you'll find this one satisfactory.
ultima-owner: Oh yes. I'll be doing a lot of classics in this one-shot fic. And not just classic movies.
kirito21naga: Honestly, I've never played "Assassin's Creed", but I'm willing to learn about it by watching playthroughs of the games you mentioned, and use the casting choices you've given.
THE TOWER OF PIMPS:That may be tricky to have Cardin as a main character. He's relatively minor and hasn't made an appearance since Volume 3.
SaraBeyond: Probably both. If the recommendations are good, I'll take them either way. But I really do prefer them via PM. But, hey, what else can I do.
hanoSstinks: Wow. That was an awesome song. It didn't give me an eargasm, though, but thanks anyway.
Inspiration: Looney Tunes
Disclaimer: The following is a non-profit story for entertainment purposes only. "RWBY" is the property of director and animator Monty Oum (RIP) and production company Rooster Teeth, and this particular episode "Looney Tunes" is the property of director Chuck Jones (RIP), production Warner Bros. Cartoons and distributed by Warner Bros. Pictures.
"I had the time of my life~," a few students sang softly, even though the previous viewing was over. It was quite an earworm.
"Children, that's enough," Glynda mildly scolded the singing students.
"Sorry, Ms. Goodwitch. But that song was so good," Yang defended.
"I hope the music we hear in this viewing will be just as good," Weiss said, remembering Gold-Sith mentioned there would be music in the next adaptation.
The viewing opened up to a series of red rings against a black background. In the center was written the viewing's title and revelation of the main character. Distinctively jaunty music played accompanied the introduction. [1]
Velvet Scarlatina in "Rabbit of Seville"
Nearly everyone smiled or bobbed their heads slightly to the distinctively cartoonish music.
"That was some pretty nice music," Sun commented.
"Yeah. Catchy too," Neptune added.
Coco pointed at the screen. "And check it out, Velvet. It looks like you're the main character in this one," she noted happily.
"Oooh. I wonder what kind of role I'll play?" Velvet said excitedly as she ordered a glass of carrot juice.
The viewing opened at night at the edge of a large amphitheater in Vale. A large crowd of people were filing in to see "The Barber of Seville", as shown on an A-frame sign.
As the patrons took their seats, the band was finishing up its last practice before the big show began.
"Ah! It seems like they're holding an opera," Port pointed out with a hint of
"That sounds good to me. I enjoy the musical arts every so often," Weiss smiled, being an ardent fan of opera.
Ruby blinked. "Huh? But I thought Gold-Sith said this was going to be a comedy?"
"It is, Ms. Rose. Just wait for it," Gold-Sith assured.
Meanwhile, unnoticed from those in the theater, a panicked anthropomorphic rabbit with brown and cream-colored fur and a pink nose, came running down from the hills.
"Huh?" several audience members said in surprise at the appearance of Velvet's counterpart. None of them had seen it coming. Then their surprise shifted to adoration.
"Awwww!" Ruby, Weiss, Pyrrha, and Nora all cooed loudly in unison at Velvet's cute appearance.
"You look adorable, Velvet!" Coco as she pinched Velvet's cheek.
Velvet growled lightly in embarrassment and pushed Coco's hand away.
"Hmmm. Interesting," Oobleck hummed in fascination whilst tapping his notepad. "Ms. Scarlatina is an anthropomorphic rabbit. Do Faunus exist in this world?"
"No, they don't. Instead, humans co-exist with anthropomorphic animals of all kinds," Gold-Sith supplied.
"Ooooh! Are there any anthropo-whatsit sloths in this universe?" Nora asked excitedly, butchering the word anthropomorphic.
"Sorry, Ms. Valkrie. I'm afraid not."
"Awww," Nora deflated while Ren patted her shoulder.
"Wait, why is Velvet running away?" Pyrrha asked with a hint of worry.
Gunfire emanated from the hills just behind Velvet, and muzzle flashes could be seen as well.
She frantically entered the theater through the fortunately open backstage, dodging bullets as she went. Slamming the door shut behind her, Velvet panted in fear and exhaustion.
Several people gasped at Velvet's peril.
"Oh my Gods! Someone's hunting Velvet!" Ruby cried out.
"What kind of monster would want to shoot an adorable rabbit girl?!" Nora questioned with outrage.
"But who's chasing her?" Coco questioned.
Next, she hid behind the door as it opened. Inside stepped her pursuer: Cardin Winchester. He was dressed in a brown hunting outfit, tall trapper's cap, and wielded a double-barreled shotgun.
"Cardin. I should have guessed," Velvet sighed, not surprised to see it was her bully hunting her.
"What's with that hat? It looks ridiculous," Yang derided Cardin's hat.
In pursuit of Velvet, Cardin stalked unknowingly onstage behind the theater curtain, cocking his weapon as he scanned his surroundings for his prey.
Offscreen, Velvet used a carrot to flick a switch to raise the theater curtain. With his back to the curtain, Cardin didn't even notice it rise, nor did he hear the resulting audience applause. He was too fixated on hunting Velvet.
"Great. That buffoon is after Velvet, and he's going to ruin the show in the process," Weiss lamented, believing the show was spoiled.
The confused conductor, an elderly, balding man in a tuxedo, glanced at his watch, shrugged, and commenced the orchestra, causing the startled Cardin to flinch and turn in wide-eyed shock towards the audience. Behind him was a scenic town backdrop, including a barber shop.
"Look at that. It's that old shopkeeper from that night I fought Roman," Ruby pointed to the conductor onscreen.
"Let's hope he won't be too upset by the opera being spoiled," Winter said.
Next, Velvet, now dressed as a barber, stepped out into the doorway of the barber shop and began to sing as she spoke, her words in rhythm with the orchestral music.
"How doooo!" she started off.
"Welcome to my shop"
"Let me cut your mop"
"Let me shave your crop"
"Daintedly, daintedly"
As Velvet sang, she postured with a razor and pair of scissors, snipping the latter in tune with the music.
The audience stared flabbergasted at the screen, not expecting what they just witnessed. Then they started laughing or at least chuckling.
"Nice singing, bun-bun," Coco complimented her partner.
"It appears that Ms. Scarlatina is volunteering to assist in the performance," Ozpin pointed out, eager to see how things would play out.
"But how is she going to deal with Cardin?" Neptune asked before ordering a soda.
Flustered, Cardin tried to sneak away, but Velvet spotted him. "Hey, yoooou!"
Velvet ran to the startled Cardin as she continued singing.
"Don't look so perplexed"
"Why must you be vexed?"
"Can't you see you're next?"
Sun grinned. "It looks like we're about to find out," he answered Neptune's question.
Velvet quickly took Cardin up in her arms and carried him through the doorway, leaving his gun and hat behind, revealing that he was bald. She forced him into a barber's chair and draped a cloth over him.
"Yes, you're next"
"You're so next"
Penny tilted her head. "But he's bald. What's the point?" she questioned, not comprehending.
"Oh, I think I know what's coming," Nora said enthusiastically, having seen her share of slapstick cartoons.
"As do I. This reminds of me of oldy-but-goldy cartoons I used to watch back when I was a boy," Port reminisced about his childhood.
Oobleck nodded. "Indeed. You showed me a few of them."
Velvet sang the next set of lyrics as swiftly as she prepared a cup of shaving lather, which she poured over Cardin's face.
"How about a nice close shave?"
"Teach your whiskers to behave"
"Lots of lather, lots of soap"
"Please hold still, don't be a dope"
Hopping on top of Cardin, Velvet quickly sharpened the straight razor on a file.
"Uh-oh. This is gonna suck," Jaune mumbled, knowing Cardin was in for pain.
"For him," Coco smirked as she sipped a soda.
"I'd be more concerned if this wasn't meant to be a comedy, like Gold-Sith said," Ozpin stated.
"Now we're ready for the scrapin'
"There's no use to try еscapin'"
"Yell and scream and rant and rave"
"Thеre's no use, you need a shaaave!"
Finally, Velvet fiercely slashed Cardin's face with the razor.
"Ooh! Ouch! Ouch! Ooh! Ouch! Ooh! Ooh! Ouch!" Cardin cried out painfully in tune to the music and razor strikes.
"Oooooh!" half the audience groaned and winced.
"Man! That's gotta hurt," Qrow said, touching his own chin, knowing how it felt to cut himself shaving.
"I almost feel bad for him. Almost," Sun said, knowing full-well that Cardin was a racist.
Velvet then held a mirror up to Cardin's face as she continued singing.
"There, you're nice and clean"
Then she delivered the next verse with a cringe.
"Although your face looks like it might have gone through a machine"
Laughter filled the theater despite the slightly morbid humor.
Cardin, his face now covered in cuts and scrapes, furiously ran to the front of the stage retrieve his hat and gun before continuing his hunt for Velvet.
"Ohh, wait'll I get that wabbit!" Cardin sang angrily.
"Did he say wabbit?" Ruby giggled at Cardin's way of speaking.
Yang giggled too. "Why is he talking like that? He sounds like a three-year old."
"I believe that's called rhoticism," Penny identified Cardin's speech impediment.
Velvet re-appeared dressed as a temptress in a blue robe as she sang the next set of lyrics.
"What would you want with a wabbit?"
"Can't you see that I'm much sweeter?"
"I'm your little Senyeree-ter"
"You are my type of guy"
The dim-witted Cardin fell for the disguise, as he was obviously smitten with Velvet's temptress disguise.
"Is he truly falling for that paper-thin disguise?" Glynda scoffed at Cardin's stupidity.
"Cardin definitely isn't the sharpest tool in the shed in this world," Velvet commented.
Coco smirked devilishly. "That just means you can mess with him even more."
"Let me straighten your tie"
"And I shall dance for you!"
Unfortunately for Cardin, the "tie" Velvet straightened was actually the barrel of his shotgun, which she tied in a knot. But the hunter was too love-struck to notice.
Using two pairs of scissors as castanets, Velvet danced around the smitten Cardin, allowing her to cut his suspender buttons. Cardin's pants fell while Velvet danced away, exposing his polka-dot boxers. Noticing this, Cardin pulled his pants back up, blushing dark red in embarrassment.
The students all laughed while the adults chuckled at Cardin's humiliation.
"Nice undies, bud," Nora hollered at the screen.
"In front of an entire audience, no less," Ren added up with a smirk.
"Now that you mention it, I wonder how they're reacting to this so far," Oobleck wondered aloud. [3]
Port chuckled. "As unorthodox as it is, I'm sure they're liking it as much as we are, old friend."
Cardin then shot a glare at Velvet as he realized he'd been tricked, none withstanding that Velvet deliberately taunted Cardin with sticking her tail up at him.
Cardin tried to fire his tied-up rifle at Velvet, only for it to backfire and send him flying backwards into the barber's chair.
"Uh-oh~. He's back in the chair~," Ruby sad in a sing-song voice.
"The Brothers only know what Ms. Scarlatina will subject him to this time," Ozpin remarked with a sip of coffee.
Qrow grinned. "Whatever it is, it's sure to be good for a laugh," he predicted.
As the music reached a high, comedic point, Velvet had another go on the now unconscious Cardin, beginning by giving his head a massage using both her hands and feet, wiping the latter on the hunter's bald in a bird like manner.
Next, Velvet turned Cardin's head into a fruit salad bowl with a ring of whipped cream. Some of the fruit she chopped into slices with a knife. She tossed the salad a bit, then topped it off with whipped cream and a cherry on top.
Nearly everyone howled with laughter at Velvet's antics. The wacky music made it even funnier. Just turning Cardin's head into a fruit salad was too much. Even Weiss, Winter, and Ironwood couldn't contain their amusement.
"She turned his head into a friggin fruit bowl!" Sun commented loudly after taking a breath.
Port slapped his knee. "My word. This is first-class animated entertainment," he guffawed.
"No offense, Velvet, but your counterpart is completely looney in this universe," Yang stated, holding her sides from laughing so hard.
"None taken. She is," Velvet agreed as she coincidentally ordered a salad.
With her work finished, Velvet pranced over to show Cardin a mirror just as he came to. Angered, Cardin dashed off-screen and grabbed a straight razor to chase after Velvet.
Luckily, Velvet was prepared. Dressed as a snake charmer, she played a flute while sitting on the floor to charm not an actual snake, but an electric razor on a cord from a basket. The razor chased Cardin, ripping the seat of his pants and exposing his underwear as he fled.
Ironwood shook his head. "How is she even doing that?"
"Zany cartoon-style physics," Qrow answered simply.
"You know, that's the second time he's had his underwear shown here," Jaune chuckled.
"And you thought the opera would be ruined," Ruby said to Weiss.
"I'll admit, I spoke too soon," Weiss conceded, enjoying the show so far.
Finally, Cardin managed to "kill" the razor with a shotgun blast, forcing Velvet to flee again as he chased her.
The two of them hopped into barber's chairs, which they then pump-raised to multi-story heights, Cardin taking pot-shots at Velvet all the way up. Thinking fast, Velvet cut loose a stage sandbag with a pair of scissors, which landed in Cardin's lap, and caused his chair to spin down back down onto the barbershop floor.
Spirally sliding down the pole of her own chair, Velvet helped the now dazed Cardin to his feet, placed his hat back on, and brushed his face off. Cardin gave Velvet a traditional barber's tip.
"At least he's decent enough to tip the barber," Penny observed.
"Or he's simply too disorientated to realize what he's doing," Winter corrected.
"Either way, it's always courteous to tip good service," Glynda advised, pushing her glasses up.
Velvet then lifted Cardin up, carried him over to a revolving door, and threw him into it to daze him even further as it spun around. Cardin staggered back inside, and Velvet danced him back to the barber's chair.
Nora rubbed her hands together. "He's back in the chair. That means even more laughs are bound to come."
For her next routine, Velvet started with opening one of Cardin's boots with a can opener and gave him a pedicure using hedge clippers, a file, and red paint with a little "Wet Paint" sign.
Next, Velvet poured a bottle of hair restorer on Cardin's face, then shaving off the resulting thick, orange beard with a miniature lawnmower and, finally, a masque for his face using 'beauty clay', which Velvet handled like cement, complete with placing a tiny "Keep off" sign before letting it harden, then chiseling it off and brushing away the last few remaining bits.
More laughter and snickers echoed through the theater as the scene dragged on.
"Very impressive that she's doing all of this in sync to the music," Oobleck commented.
"It's as if she's heard the opera before," Pyrrha remarked.
The zany music played again as Velvet massaged Cardin's scalp very thoroughly, first with "Hair Tonic", then "Figaro Fertilizer." In the sequence, there was a close-up of Velvets fingers tapping Cardin's scalp to the notes of a piano solo, then finally finishing the job with a few pats on his bald head with her ears.
"Fertilizer in a barbershop? That doesn't sound right," Ruby said in puzzlement.
"I think I know what's going to happen now," Yang said with a knowing grin.
"Me too," Blake smirked.
When Velvet holds up a mirror for Cardin this time, the hunter briefly appears to be growing hair, a look of amazed joy on his face upon seeing it. That is, until, since it was "fertilizer" Velvet used, the tips of the black "hairs" sprouted red flowers.
The audience burst out laughing again.
"Yes! I knew it!" Yang laughed.
Glynda covered her mouth. "This is so ridiculous," she chortled before regaining her composure.
"It's a rare thing to see you laugh, Glynda. You're almost as uptight as Jimmy," Qrow remarked, earning an annoyed look from Glynda and Ironwood.
"Quiet you," Winter hissed.
Enraged, Cardin pursued Velvet with a hatchet. Velvet ran off stage, then Cardin skidded to a halt and ran away as Velvet chased him with a fire axe. But then, Velvet skidded to a halt and ran away as Cardin came back with a revolver; then Velvet with a shotgun; Cardin with a cannon on wheels; Velvet with a larger cannon; Cardin with an even larger one.
"They just keep escalating," Pyrrha pointed out.
"When will this ever end," Ren shook his head.
Finally, Velvet ended the hostilities by presenting a series of gifts instead, all of which Cardin happily accepted. First, a bouquet of flowers, then a box of chocolates, and, oddly, a wedding ring.
Cardin dashed offscreen and returned dressed in a wedding gown and veil. Velvet similarly ran off and reappeared in a tuxedo and a priest accompanied her. The pair then said wedding vows in front of the priest.
Everyone stared with their mouths wide open for a good five seconds before they started laughing at how ludicrous the scene was.
"What the hell?!" Jaune as soon as he could.
"Why is Cardin wearing the wedding gown?" Yang questioned.
"Why is he even accepting a marriage proposal from Velvet?" Weiss followed up between laughs.
"Who cares? It's hilarious!" Nora reasoned, wiping tears of laughter from her eyes.
Velvet then took Cardin up in her arms and swiftly carried him up several flights of stairs until they reached a false house front door. Then, finally, Velvet dropped Cardin over the threshold built, sending him falling with a sharp whistling sound, and finally landing headfirst into a wedding cake labelled "The Marriage of Figaro" with his legs sticking out, showing he was wearing his pants and boots under the gown.
"Well, Cardin certainly fell for Velvet," Yang joked, eliciting groans from everyone else.
"Will you please stop!" Ruby practically begged her sister.
Yang pouted. "Hmph! Nobody appreciates my humor," she grumbled.
Cut to Velvet, back in her barber's jacket. She smirked at the camera while munching on a carrot. "Eh... Next!"
More laughter filled the theater at Velvet's closing line.
"Next she says," Ironwood chuckled, unable to hold in his laughter.
"Nothing personal, Velvet. But even if I didn't treasure my locks so much, I would never let you touch my hair," Yang declared, protectively caressing her mane.
"When's the last time you even got a haircut?" Blake asked her partner.
Yang cupped her chin in thought, trying to recall. "Hmmm. Honestly, I can't remember."
The scene returned to the ring screen as the viewing's ending phrase was quickly written in white scripture across the screen.
"That's All Folks!"
Most of the audience applauded with pleased smiles, especially the students.
"That was one of the funniest things I've ever seen!" Ruby praised the viewing.
"It wasn't the opera I expected, but it was very amusing," Weiss agreed.
"I hope there's more where that came from," Jaune said.
"As a matter of fact, there are. But they'll have to wait for another time," Gold-Sith revealed.
Ozpin nodded. "So, what's next?" he asked.
"Something quite intense. It's a mixture of action, adventure, and martial arts."
"That sounds awesome," Yang said with a fist bump.
"Yeah! Let's see it!" Nora said excitedly.
Cast of Characters
Velvet Scarlatina as Bugs Bunny
Cardin Winchester as Elmer Fudd
Old Shopkeep as The Composer
Author's Note: I've wanted to do a "Looney Tunes" adaptation since I read on "Rabbit Seasoning" in "RWBY: The Worlds of Arc" written by The Timeless Writer. Since this isn't a Jaune-centric fic, who better to play Bugs Bunny than Velvet? I already plan on writing a future "Looney Tunes" adaptation, but that'll be a while from now. Stay tuned.
Author's Points
[1]- In reality, the opening theme for "Rabbit of Seville" was "The Merry Go Round Broke Down". But I like "Merrily We Roll Along" more, so I used that one instead for this viewing. The version the RWBY cast heard in this adaptation was first used for the 1941 cartoon "Toy Trouble", which you can listen to on YouTube.
[2]- I think having Velvet star as an anthropomorphic rabbit instead of a Faunus helps capture the spirit of "Loony Tunes".
[3]-I've often wondered about this myself. Just how did the audience react to Bugs and Elmer onstage? I do have a feeling they enjoyed it though, lol.