Chapter 3: Damn All the Jellyfish

Monica slammed the cabinet door with a huff of annoyance. The cupboards were mostly bare. Did Phoebe's client with the fuzzy back live here like a hobo? A squatter? Certainly, if she were the one opening up her home, Monica would have made sure to stock the kitchen with enough food to last everyone.

No question about it: she would have to go shopping. There had to be a grocery store down the street. Maybe she should get her purse and go right now – the others were busy. Ross and Rachel were making up for lost time after kicking out Bonnie, their extra guest whom Ross should never have invited anyway – hell, even dated in the first place. Phoebe had slipped away again, mumbling an excuse that had seemed… clumsy. Monica resolved to ask her masseuse friend if she was all right.

The boys – the boys were down on the beach, presumably.

The door leading out to the back deck opened, and Chandler and Joey bounded in. Monica felt her eyes lingering on Chandler, and she actually had to fight to turn them away.

"Come on, Monica! Enough work! We're about to head back out; you should join us!"

"No, thanks," Monica grinned weakly. "I was actually about to go out and do some shopping; we need food."

"Do it later!" Joey insisted, his million-watt grin encouraging. "Procrastination is the best part of life!"

Chandler gave his roommate a bemused look. "1. How do you know such a big word? And 2. Breaks are the best part of life!"

"Exactly!" Joey bobbed his head eagerly. "And procrasti…. Whatever-I-said is just one big, uninterrupted break!"

Chandler sent a frown in Monica's direction, pointing at Joey. "Is the salty sea air making him smarter?"

Monica chuckled. "I guess we'll find out." She smiled. "Just let me get changed." She flitted up the carpeted steps towards her room.

"I wonder how many points his IQ will jump if we just stayed outside all day?" Chandler called to her retreating back.

"I know how much his chances of skin cancer will jump if he just stayed outside all day!" Monica called back down the stairs, laughing. The quip reminded her to grab a bottle of sunscreen when she slipped into her room. Sunburns were not to be trifled with. There was getting tan, and then there was, like she had said, inviting cancer.

Stripping down, Monica hesitated as she examined the red, two-piece bikini she had brought with her. She suddenly blushed down to her chest, second-guessing her normally impeccable taste in clothing.

What would Chandler say, when he saw her in this? Would he say anything? More to the point, did she want him to say something? Whenever certain occasions had called for her to be more scantily-clad, such as going swimming, Monica had learned to tune out the wolf-whistling of Joey – that he would ogle her was more or less just a given, because Joey would ogle her, Phoebe, or Rachel in their swimsuits, just as he would reliably ogle anything with tits, ass and an endocrine system.

Taking a deep breath, she pulled the bikini on – it was the only swim wear she had brought, and she did at least want to explore the beach before the weekend was over. Joey might complain about how she had not gone shopping yet to restock the kitchen, but so long as she and Chandler could keep him distracted and happy…

Wouldn't that be a great hypothetsis for an experiment, Monica mused, as she slipped out of her room: would starvation or cancer brought on by sun-burning kill Joey faster?

Chandler and Monica whooped and hollered as they engaged in a footrace with each other across the sand. First one to the far dunes and back to where they had laid their picnic blanket.

Monica threw back her head and laughed, tasting victory, the competitive spirit in her roaring with relish. She was winning. She was going to leave Bing in the dust…

All at once, she heard a sandy crash as Chandler tripped and took a tumble. Not once breaking stride, Monica cast a glance over her shoulder, laughing brightly around her dark tresses flying behind her like a banner.

She jerked to a halt mid-lunge, her inertia wanting to carry her forward as she abruptly rooted herself to the spot, watching and waiting for Chandler to get up. Fear clutched at her throat as she observed how Chandler was struggling. He faltered, collapsing in the sand.

Heart suddenly in her mouth, Monica ran back to his side. "Chandler…?"

She turned him over with her sandal, only to find Chandler laughing uproariously at his own joke. Monica's blue eyes popped and she let out a gawking laugh of offense as she realized: he had cheated! Reaching out a hand to slap his chest, Monica didn't expect for Chandler to catch her wrist and pull her down with him. She let out a giggling shriek. The pair of best friends rolled about in the sand, laughing, looking like a frame out of From Here to Eternity, minus the crashing waves.

And… and the…..

Monica regained her breath, sucking it in sharply as she and Chandler swayed to a halt, and she froze as she discovered how she was now straddling him.

Her face was inches from his. Chandler was working to catch his breath. Gazing down at him curiously, Monica found the pull was too strong. Before she realized what she was doing….

She dipped her head and closed the gap between them, pressing her lips to his.

She got a hold of herself enough to make it a chaste, tender peck of a kiss. She willed it to convey her relief that he was all right, and nothing more. Perhaps even tease him, get back at him for tricking her.

The kiss ended as sharply as it had begun and Monica rose languidly off of him. Smirking, blushing at a dazed Chandler, she held out a hand and helped him to his feet.

Biting her lip, Monica suddenly felt a chill of fear at the possibility that Joey might have seen…. Might have seen them…. kissing…. But when she glanced further down the beach, towards their blanket, Joey was nowhere in sight.

Chandler didn't seem concerned. "He's digging a hole, near our umbrella. Come on, maybe he needs help!"

He started to jog back, Monica following him at an ambling pace. Her thoughts swirled.

What was happening to her?

She and Chandler were now sunning themselves, side by side, listening to the pounding of the surf and the sound of Joey's dinky little shovel making grooves in the sand. Her eyes closed as she felt the warmth wash over her, Monica sensed from how he shifted that Chandler had propped himself up on his elbows.

"All right: there's a nuclear holocaust. I'm the last man on earth. …. Would you go out with me?"

Monica opened her eyes as much as she could against the glare, squinting as she turned her head to peer at him. Her frown was judicious as she gave his proposition, likely delivered in the form of a trick question (she hoped) due thought. At last, she shrugged. "Meh." She settled back onto her own elbows, watching the tide roll in.

…. What was that? Meh? Seriously: meh? Not even twenty-four hours ago, if Chandler had asked her that question, even in his joking way, she would have laughed and said Of course not. One word: Kip.

"I've got canned goods…" Chandler plied her, and she laughed, in spite of herself.

Keeping her eyes straight ahead, Monica now felt the need to expand on her answer, or at least, make it less ambiguous. "Best friends don't date…" Her voice was unusually soft and quiet.

There was a slight pause, broken by Chandler's guffaw. "Yeah, you're right! That would be weird!"

Monica turned to study him. "Are you sure you're all right?" she asked.

"If I had a dime for every time I've been asked that…" Chandler chuckled, self-deprecating.

"No. I mean…. are you all right? From your fall." She bit her lip. "I… For a minute there, I was afraid you had twisted an ankle or something…"

"Monica:" He smiled down at her, and a bizarre somersault went through her stomach. "I'm fine. I was messing with you."

Over the footrace? Or…. or the kiss? Monica thought. But Chandler didn't expand on what he meant, leaving Monica to assume it was the former, while the practical side of her desperately wanted to believe it was the latter.

He hadn't mentioned the kiss they had shared back there, near the dunes. Except for the stunned look on his face after it happened, he hadn't even seemed fazed by it.

"I…. I was…." Monica stopped as Chandler turned to listen expectantly.

Why couldn't she say it? I was messing with you too. Just half a dozen little words could make all this awkwardness – though not nearly enough awkwardness – go away. Yet Monica couldn't bring herself to…

She flushed, and talked herself into believing it was only the first signs of a sunburn. "Never mind."

Chandler nodded and went back to watching the large hole down near the water.

Joey's head now popped out of said hole.

"Hey, guys! Take a look at this!"

Monica was almost relieved by their mutual friend's boyish intercession, as she and Chandler pushed off their towels and moseyed over to the edge of Joey's hole.

"Check this baby out! Dug me a hole!" He looked far too pleased with himself.

Chandler smirked sardonically, drawling. "Excellent hole, Joe…."

Just then, the high tide rolled in. "Oh, no….. No!... My hole!" Joey wailed, his magnum opus rapidly filling with water.

That was when something brushed against her leg. Fire suddenly shot up her thigh, and Monica let out something between a yelp and a scream.

"OW! OW! My foot!"

"What? What is it?" Joey scrambled out of his rapidly collapsing hole, dashing to her side.

"Jellyfish sting! Oh, it hurts! It hurts! It hurts…." Monica wailed, close to weeping from the pain.

"Well, do you want us to take you back to the house?" Chandler asked her.

Whimpering, Monica shook her head. "It's like two miles!"

"Yeah, and I'm a little tired from digging the hole…" Joey felt the need to point out.

"Ohhhhhh….. Damn the jellyfish!" Monica cursed. "DAMN ALL THE JELLYFISH!" She hurled her invective at the ocean and every jellyfish in it, as if wanting it to come out and fight her.

"Well, we have to do something!" Chandler cried, patting Monica's shoulder.

"Well, there's really only one thing you can do…" Joey offered up.

"What? What is it?!" Monica whined.

"You're gonna have to pee on it."

They both stared at him. "WHAT?!" Monica shrieked. "Gross!"

"Don't blame me! I saw it on the Discovery Channel!"

Joey watching a nature show? And learning something from it? Huh. Maybe the salty sea air was improving his IQ.

"You know what? He's right. There's something like…. ammonia…. In that…." Meeting Monica's bewildered expression, Chandler winced. "…. That kills the pain."

"Well, forget it!" Monica snapped, blushing furiously. "It doesn't hurt that…. B-A-AD!" She tried to put weight on her leg, and it felt like she was being branded.

Joey tutted. "If you want privacy, you can use my hole."