"Yamashiro urges Yui to shoot her so she won't have to endure the Tank-class tearing her apart, but Yui loses her nerve and misses the headshot, allowing the Tanks to eat Yamashiro in peace. Yamashiro and the numerous Tank-class then became one, united in bone-crunching matrimony."
- The joke biography someone (not me) wrote for Yamashiro on the Muv-Luv Wikia years ago
"Hey look. Yamashiro is about to do her impression of the Deepstar Six poster."
- One of my old tumblr posts I found when I was looking for a screenshot of the previous Wikia quote
"Where's the beef?"
- Hot Tub Time Machine
"I will say when the frat guys all get in a van to go watch [Oppenheimer], they ain't gonna have a good time."
- Mike Stoklasa on the "Inception Bros" phenomenon
"Reigns finds some way to toss that dweeb Rollins in the same pile with the other two schnooks and pins all three of em despite Rollins having nothing to do with the match."
- Comedy post describing how badly Roman Reigns is going to dominate Wrestlemania 40 when he beats Cody, and then Damian Priest tries to cash in his MitB contract against Reigns (the post after mine is someone coming up with a scenario where R-Truth also gets involved in the match after Rollins is obliterated)
"*that scene from Event Horizon where the Jurassic Park dude makes Captain Morpheus watch violent flashes of his crew being mutilated by the spiky architecture on the gravity drive*"
- Paul W. S. Anderson
"*funny meme video where an unseen crawling figure covered in a blanket eats a sexy D. Va body pillow and spits out a skeleton while the Halo theme blasts in the background*"
- TikTok (I've also seen it reposted on Reddit)
"Oh my GooOOOoooOOoooodd!"
- the guy from Troll 2
Yui's head was still throbbing from the crash and she wasn't about to get much sleep with all the growling and munching sounds surrounding her. The only traces of light she could see were the distant building fires and the flickering emergency lights from the two or three wrecked TSFs that still had working batteries, turning this drab midnight corner of urban Kyoto into a faithful approximation of a grand hall nestled deep within Hell. It must have been by some sick deity's design that Kyoto Station was chosen as the fallback point, because this was the location where she was about to be transported to her next life.
Her vision was a dizzied blur. Every joint underneath her black jumpsuit and yellow armor ached. Nothing but droning static filled the reception in her ears, she couldn't pick up a signal from any functioning TSFs within miles, but her trembling instincts knew she was right in the center of a ravenous feast. Her newly-commissioned team had failed horrifically in their mission, and now it was the BETA's turn to make some Samurai Princess Salad.
Glimpses of a female figure in a thin white and black pilot suit were toppled in the near-indiscernible darkness just beside Yui. The young Tozama lady's motionless arm was stretched out toward her as if the last thought to pass through her mind was how much she wanted to give her squadron leader a hug.
Just above the curved gleaming figure in the Fortified Suit, a giant set of teeth crunched on a small mass of bone and matted hair. The hair was decorated with a large shredded ribbon that used to be tied in a bow. Shimako's ribbon.
She was sprawled on the ground with Shimako's remains almost cuddling her. Either Shimako had spent her final moments trying to protect Yui, or she had desperately crawled to Yui hoping her commander could save her.
As sickening as it was to think, now she wished Shimako had been instantly cooked by that Laser-class she managed to dodge at the beginning of the battle. At least her death would have come quickly and terror-free compared to this inhuman misery.
Yui turned her head until her opposite cheek was against the floor. It didn't take long for her to recognize the trail of partially-chewed organs and Fortified Suit fragments strewn across the gravel ten feet away from her were the remains of Aki, the rough and tumble tomboy of the team. She'd outlived her brother and proudly survived the Eight Minutes of Death, only so she could become part of the Eight Hours of Butchery.
Yui's struggling eyesight tried to focus on the indistinct sea of shadows below her yellow-plated boots. She heard and saw fleeting glimpses of more giant teeth chewing on more ribbons made of fabric and flesh. At first, she thought she was seeing another part of Shimako in the miserable gloom. But then the giant mouth opened wider, and she could see it was chewing a smaller bloody ribbon from a curly brown pigtail.
Oh, no. Not Izumi too. She was easily the softest and sweetest member of the team, but the terms "soft" and "sweet" took on a much different meaning once the BETA got involved.
One curly pigtail was attached to a second matching pigtail, and below them Yui could make up the upper spine of a white and black pilot suit. Izumi's groggy, barely moving form grunted weakly in the darkness as a precision BETA stinger pierced the bright metal collar covering the back of her shoulders. She was still alive… slightly. But she'd be joining her fiancé soon, as the searing mercury-based toxins pumping through her blood corroded her mind and melted her veins while her heart was still beating. It would just take a few injections to slowly finish the job.
The bottom half of Izumi's Fortified Suit jerked and jiggled as Yui heard acid melting and bones cracking. Just like Aki and Shimako, she was being broken down to her sub-cellular components so she could be rebuilt as something more grotesque and cruel.
The barely visible features of Izumi sank completely into the bleak background as the feast intensified. Yui felt something drip on her ear, causing her to slowly roll into a prone position and look across the floor straight in front of her. She couldn't stop herself from gasping in shock.
Yamashiro's sparkling katana was lying in a blackened pool of grime, concrete, and blood. Her inverted legs were dangling out of the dark in their glossy white and charcoal Fortified Suit. She was being held upside-down by a hulking nebulous shadow of a thing that seemed particularly interested in the area of her legs where her Suit was torn apart and her waste filtration equipment had been hastily unplugged.
Her obscured outline was hanging limply over Yui's head, but her belly occasionally danced in small convulsions inside its transparent black flight suit. Her unseen captors were conducting experiments to see how long her body could sustain a nest of quickly-evolving Betaspawn, before they devoured their mother from the inside out. A giant crimson hand was reaching out of the darkness and gripping her like a doll around the narrowest part of her waist, ready to rip her in two as soon as all the impersonal tests were over. The structural integrity in and around her pelvis was already showing distressing signs of fatigue.
She didn't make a single complaint while the victors spoiled her imperial reproductive capacity. In fact, she never made any kind of sound. It was too dark to see her face or her long pitch-black hair. Either she never regained consciousness after her TSF was grounded, or they had already bitten off her brainstem and they were using her corpse for storage while it was still warm and nutrient-loaded.
There was one thing the trainers were right about regarding Yamashiro: Her exquisite physical abilities were going to become a legacy for countless future generations.
The blood stinging Yui's eyelids and the drowning feelings of hopelessly forced her to clench her eyes shut. There was no denying her days in this form of existence were over. As the cadet-leader of this doomed human expedition turning into an unrestrained BETA expedition, her hours of lectures made her chillingly aware she was a battle trophy. One of the first obtained on the Japanese mainland, to be exact. She was at risk to all the unspeakable things the human forces had learned about the BETA during the Alternative III disasters in Europe and China.
They were probably going to plop her into one of their dreaded purification vacuoles to get rid of her pilot suit and all of her other unnecessary components. Separate all the valuable minerals from the worthless interference. She'd be carefully dissolved organ by organ. They'd keep her brain alive for a couple more months just to study her, maybe learn a little bit more about her human tactics and command structure. If she was lucky, they'd let her anesthetized neurons live in a fantasy dream where the invasion never happened, her teammates were still alive, and she completely forgot the true horrors she endured. Then she'd suffer a grisly death just like her four friends when the BETA were done with her. Humanity was seen as nothing more than a hazardous natural force that got in the way of their interplanetary mining operations.
Her team had not only failed in all of their efforts to defend their ancient imperial capital. She was going to die knowing their rotting biomatter would be recycled into the foundations for the new Kyoto Hive.
Just as she realized the full severity of her fate, she felt the sudden heat of a Soldier-class wrapping its moist and hungry jaws over her scalp. Shimako had come back to hug her again.
Author's notes (welcome to the waifu apocalypse):
This is another one of those fanfics where it's like "Here's Teito Moyu again, but now they fail even harder." Congrats, girls. You get to be the new Imperial Capital.
This is what happens when I'm still in the mood to write fanfics based on shows with Minami Kuribayashi theme songs, but I don't want to just write another story about Nuclear Mint Adenade. ("Nuclear Mint Adenade" is one of my nicknames for Akane Soir, in case you weren't aware. It's because Mint and the Akanes are both voiced by Junko Iwao. The Otome version of Akane has a fairly similar personality and combat role to Mint… as long as you keep her stable. In other words, Akane is "Mint as long as Cless remembers to spend the entire game not telling her her mom is dead.")
No joke: The shadowy Shimako and Izumi parts in this scene are from a dream I had the other night, and I came up with the rest of the details as I was writing this. That's just how it goes sometimes. Somewhat of a joke: Said dream might have been caused by the trauma I'm still going through after what happened to Immortal Justice Gundam. Just look at the comments section of the MFC entry for the Immortal Justice kit, or look for a YouTube video called "My Saviour has met its Destiny."
When someone posted the first six minutes of the GSF movie on Reddit, and it gets to the part where they do whole the enemy troop numbers / sequential launch sequence just as the T. M. Revolution rock opera song starts to fade in, I wrote a reply where I said "Someone should replace the Freedom song in this clip with 'Go to the Top' by Kumi Koda to properly foreshadow what happens to Rising Freedom and Immortal Justice." That reply got 1 karma upvote. I take that mean 1 other guy on the internet understood that reference.
If you take Sailor Mercury and add more mercury to her, do you get like… Sailor MercuryMercury? Sailor Mercury Plus? (side note: Lucky Chloe has stumbled into another unlucky situation.)
My newest Kana Ueda Muv-Luv fanfic is also a stealth Rin Worm fanfic. Good. I'm happy with how that plot twist turned out.
This is the 500th fanfic I'm uploading on my FFnet page. It's actually fanfic 520 if you're reading this on AO3, but let's ignore the "extra stuff" on AO3. In preparation for writing this, I asked the GameFAQs Anime OT board what would they like to see for the 500th fanfic. I mentioned I was stuck between ideas for either a Mai HiME / Otome fanfic where I continued to mentally torment Akane's brain, or a FSN fanfic where I continue to turn Rin Tohsaka into a festering cradle for demon bugs. One of the replies suggested "Make an Akane and Rin fanfic taking place in the Saint's Row world." I've never played any of the Saint's Row games (and the only thing I know about Saint's Row is Decker Specialists are a thing), so this story is the closest I could get.
(Another person suggested I should write another Gundam SEED fanfic. My response was they should just read the Explodium again, because the Explodium offers a new experience every time you read it.)
(Someone else suggested I should write a fanfic about the Daytona 500 with anime girls in it, but I have no idea how that would work. It would probably just be a rehash of my Eva Racing fanfic called "Pit Stop.")
(Another person suggested I should write something involving a turkey. Well, I guess all the Royal Guard girls got their turkeys baked in this one.)
Taking all the depraved gibberish from the previous notes into account, I think the Yamashiro part in this fanfic is trying to be a re-creation of the Twizzler segment from the official Muv-Luv trilogy, except Yam's version is more creepy and suggestive, and there's a better attempt a fakey-sciencey reason why she's being Twizzled. (For more information, please refer to a Muv-Luv subreddit post called "I have just finished Alternative. Wow." I'm not the guy who started that thread, but I wrote a reply in it where I broke down how the anime version of Teito Moyu was originally created as an abridged version of the Original Hive chapter from the main trilogy, to introduce a first time TV audience to the bleaker story elements of the trilogy. It's sort of like how the second season episode of Viper called "On a Roll" uses the entire truck chase sequence from the first season episode called "Firehawk" as stock footage, and the new interior shots they filmed in the car even have Kaake saying some of McCaffrey's one-liners from the season 1 version of the scene, and if you're not a poser who only started watching Viper after it was rebooted for syndicated TV, you're seeing this crap and thinking "Wait. Wtf? I know this scene!" and oh god I'm doing the Viper thing again.)
Rinashiro gets her katana ready for her decisive final stand and she's like, "Ain't no scuzzy monsters making a crib out of my booty." And the Baters are immediately like, "Well, fellas, we're sure making a nice cozy crib out of this booty." And that's how that particular topic gets resolved.
Likewise, the GSF movie producers went to Immortal Justice and were like, "We're sticking a nuclear reactor in you." And Immortal Justice was like, "No you're not. That goes against my design philosophy as a nimble lightweight fighter with streamlined melee weapon systems and a limited operational time that's ideal for quick non-aggressive evac missions." Immortal Justice then gets destroyed in five seconds and replaced with X-Wing Infinite Justice.
When I saw the clip that shows how exactly Shinn managed to survive an entire Gundam blowing up on him in midair, and he like… jerry rigs the harnesses from his cockpit seat into a makeshift parachute? Which gives Hilda enough time to retrieve him before he plummets to his death? I was just like "Oh. I guess the Izumi remembered to use her ejection exo-suit this time." And the "Izumi" in this situation is a guy with Theodor's VA for some reason? Weird.
The longer I think about it, this story feels like an extension of the White Mage / Black Mage dynamic I've been doing for a while where I'll write a Fate story where something icky happens to Rin, and then I'll follow it up with a Tales of Phantasia story where something more optimistic happens to Mint. "Budding Season" was written about a week after "First Initiation of the Tohsaka Trashers" in 2021, and "Timid Medicine" was written a couple days after "Twitching Metrium" in 2022. Even "The Surrogate" and "Firehawk" were written back-to-back in 2018, but uhhh... I'm not sure I would call "Firehawk" an optimistic story (but it's still more optimistic than "The Surrogate"). "Cardair Pandora" and "Territorial Modulations" continue the pattern indirectly if you look at them as companion stories. That's neat, I guess. I wasn't really planning it out that way.
Maybe I should move that Gary Oldman quote from "Cardair Pandora" to this fanfic. But… if I did that, it's kind of breaking the "theme" I was building up in my other Akane fanfics called "The Last Voyage of the Ceres" (the one where Akane does her best Schwarzesmarken Inghild impression, which opens with another Gary Oldman Dracula quote) and "Tangled" (the one where Akane tries to be an edgelord but she just can't stop being adorable, which also opens with a Gary Oldman Dracula quote). So… Naw. Nevermind. I'm not going to do that. But… if I move that Dracula: Dead and Loving It quote from "The Hylas Effect" to this fanfic… Hmm. That could work.
Now I'm looking at replies on GameFAQs where a bunch of people are saying "Congratulations!" in response to the Reaching Fanfic 500 thing. And I said back to them, as politely as I could: "Stop doin that. I already had enough of that when I was writing Tetris Maintenance." (That's the one where Hikari from Evangelion saves Shimako just in the nick of time.) (Hikari also has the same VA as Mint and the Akanes.) (Rosalie from Mai Otome has the same VA as Shimako from Muv-Luv)
I only have one other thing to say about Deepstar Six. Leviathan was the way better "Let's rip off John Carpenter's The Thing but now it's on an underwater base and let's release it right beside James Cameron's The Abyss" movie. Like, neither of them are GOOD movies obviously, but Leviathan rides the mockbuster gimmick so much better with its cast and monster design. It's got Robocop and Winston Zeddemore playing the MacReady and Childs roles, for F's sake.
New stories - Games - Muv-Luv - Sylvie Mosse's Horror Movie Blog
Recommended soundtrack selections for this fanfic: "Ghastly Spot" by Seikou Nagaoka (but with the bass boost cranked up to like 999999), or "Bestiality" by Ennio Morricone (a. k. a. "The music from the coffee scene in The Hateful Eight." It was actually originally composed for John Carpenter's The Thing, but Carpenter decided to not use it in the final edit of the movie because he wanted it to sound more minimalistic.) (Fun fact: "Bestiality" was also one of my recommended soundtrack choices for a certain key scene in "Slaughter & Shieldmaidens" / "Tetris Maintenance") ALTERNATIVEly, you can just listen to "Boogie Circuit" from that slimy DOA Beachball game while Yui and her friends are getting chowed down.
To provide a helpful summary of what each White Fang team member contributes to this exchange: Aki, Shimako, Izumi: Food, raw materials for generic Soldier-classes. Yamashiro: Gross sluggy upper-tier BETA Mom (likely spec'd out for Warrior-classes), then food. Yui: New enemy knowledge base acquired. Possibly used as a basis for constructing the local Hive overlord. And also food. The appetizer plate makes us all equal in the end.
And there isn't a single Kyoko in sight, which means the BETA can take all the time they need with Yui. The last two lines of the fanfic are meant to be a little ambiguous about her fate, though. Ambiguous, as in: Maybe all those things she's afraid of will happen to her, or maybe she just gets Marimo'd and that's the end of her.