Title: Haven't you heard what becomes of curious minds?
Chapter: 8 - Cornflower
Author: Killaurey
Rating: T
Word Count: 5,114
Summary: AU. The night before they're assigned to Genin teams, Sakura wakes up with Ino in her mind—and she can't leave.
Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me. It's Kishimoto's and I just play with it. Part 9 of ? Unbeta'd.
Knock knock. A pause. Knock knock.
Sakura rolls over in bed, stuffs her face further into her pillow, and pretends she doesn't hear the knocking.
Knock knock knock knock!
The knocking only gets more determined, though, and Sakura pulls the pillow over her head entirely, hating that she's slowly waking up despite herself, considers the odds of the knocker just going away.
Maybe if I threw my pillow at the door?
The knocking pauses and there's a laugh.
Sakura sits bolt upright, pillow tumbling off the bed entirely, her eyes wild. That laugh had come from inside her head!
"Ino?"
It's about time you woke up! Ino says cheerfully. I thought I was going to be knocking for forever, Forehead!
"You're the one that's been sleeping for ages and ages!" Sakura protests, immediately, which gives her a way to pretend that her eyes aren't tearing up because the closest person she's got to a guiding star in this horrible situation is now aware, awake, and able to communicate. "I thought you weren't ever going to!"
Don't be ridiculous, Ino says, and Sakura can feel the way Ino is casually rummaging through her thoughts of the last few days. Look, even Daddy said I was going to wake up soon. You knew that.
"Knowing is different from knowing!" Sakura insists. She rubs at her eyes.
Are you crying?
"I'm not!"
Ino laughs again, this time with something soft as a hug wound through it, and Sakura misses her friend and rival ferociously even though she's right there, in the back of her head.
"Everyone's going to be so happy you're awake," Sakura says, leaving out how happy she is on purpose. It's not like Ino won't be able to tell anyway. "They're probably going to forget that I even matter."
Why would they do that? Ino asks. You always matter, Forehead. Even when you're being stupid.
"I'm not the one that died," Sakura shoots back, then cringes, but Ino just laughs all over again.
After a moment, Sakura giggles too, and she tries to pretend it doesn't have the edge of tears to it.
Don't you dare cry, Ino says. It would only embarrass both of us.
Sakura rubs at her face until the urge to cry goes away. "Are you okay with the whole..."
Being dead thing?
"Yeah."
Ino is quiet, then, but it's a different kind of quiet from the way she'd been the last few days. This is a thinking quiet, not a comatose quiet.
I'm not okay with it, Ino says finally. But, you know, I'm not actually dead, and I know Daddy and the others will fix it, so this sucks a lot, for the both of us, but I'm going to approach it as an adventure.
"So this sucks a lot, for the both of us," Sakura repeats, though she smiles a little. It's not an apology, but it's as close as she needs to one from Ino. After all, it's not like Ino had planned this. "Okay. An adventure. Just so you know, in stories, people always get trusty companions. We've got Shikamaru and Chouji."
They're trustworthy, Ino says mildly, and there's that rummaging feeling again. Oh. Oh. I see.
"Shikamaru is a jerk," Sakura complains. "And Chouji's nicer but I think he'd turn on me the second he had to which is, like, honestly worse?"
You're not wrong, Ino admits and that's always been one of her favourite things about Ino. Ino admits the ugly things. Shikamaru's being a jerk because he doesn't want to get close to you and Chouji, yeah, if they had decided to yank you out of your body, he wouldn't have said a thing. He wouldn't have liked it, but he wouldn't have said anything. Shikamaru would probably take it worse, honestly. He's so sensitive…
"Your dad said they're not going to do that," Sakura says, deciding that she can't fathom the idea of Shikamaru being more sensitive than Chouji right now.
Daddy wouldn't lie to you about that, Ino says confidently. And now that I'm awake, no one is going to hurt you to give me your body. You're my best friend-
"That's still weird," Sakura interrupts. "I thought we were rivals."
We can be both. Now, I see Daddy mentioned hair dye and how you're probably going to have to? You want blonde?
"It's not quite like window shopping while on a street full of bustling shoppers," Sakura says, "but it's the closest thing I've had, getting to think about my options. Yeah, I want to go blonde, if I get a choice."
Let's try hairstyles.
Sakura obligingly moves over to the vanity so that they can both see her head and it's a strange thing, to see Ino gesturing in the mirror behind her but knowing that Ino isn't actually there at all.
"Do you think other people can see you?" Sakura asks as she combs her hair out. The pink is very bright against the dark of her pajamas.
Probably not, Ino says, after a moment. I'd guess that the only reason you can see me is because I'm inside of your head.
"Does that bother you?"
What? Not being seen? I don't need to be seen to have people remember that I'm here, Ino says confidently. Now, okay, that's you with your hair down. It's too long to wear down in the field, so we're going to have to think of some other options.
Sakura touches her hair carefully. "Is it too long? Your hair's longer and I've seen other ninja with longer hair loose."
Yeah, but they're not Genin, Ino says. She rests her chin on the top of Sakura's head. It's a peculiar feeling, not being entirely tangible and yet having weight to it somehow. Daddy doesn't let me wear my hair down in the field either. It's a pretty common rule.
"I guess it makes sense," Sakura allows, then giggles. "Should I try a Yamanaka ponytail first?"
Ino's laugh is bright and cheerful and so, of course, they do. They experiment with ponytails and braids and buns. Ino likes the braids the best but Sakura favours the buns.
Somewhere around the time her stomach starts to complain that it's got to be getting late for breakfast, she realizes-
"Shouldn't we be telling someone that you're awake?" Sakura realizes.
I already told Daddy, Ino says, with a mental shrug.
"You're not supposed to keep secrets from me, I don't think, when you're in my head," Sakura protests. "That's rude."
Do you want to know a secret? Ino asks curiously.
Sakura narrows her eyes. "Yes."
I keep secrets even from myself, Ino says. All Yamanaka do. It's just... part of us, I guess.
"How do you keep secrets from yourself though?" Sakura asks. "And can we go get breakfast? I'm hungry."
It's weird to not be hungry, Ino says thoughtfully. I can tell that you are, but I don't feel it myself.
Sakura shivers.
But, sure, we'll get breakfast for you. You're losing focus anyway. How did you want your hair before we go down?
Sakura looks at herself in the mirror, at Ino who raises her eyebrows at her.
"I think," she says, "for today, we're going to leave it down. They're going to come to a decision soon about my hair and, while I can, I'd like to enjoy it the colour it's meant to be. Besides, if what you say is true, once I start training again, I'm not going to be allowed to wear it down."
You'll see I'm right, Ino says confidently and Sakura doesn't actually doubt that.
"Right," Sakura says. "So I'll wear it down today and not listen if you complain about that."
Ino shrugs a little in the mirror. I agree with your reasoning.
Sakura spends some time brushing her hair back out and then tying her makeshift headband into place. She's looking forward to the day with a tentative sort of respair-new hope and a break from despair-when Shikamaru and Chouji find out that Ino's awake.
Yoshino-san has treated her well but they have struggled with it more. She hopes they're a little kinder.
In the back of her head, Ino makes a noise.
"What?"
Nothing, Ino says. But maybe remember how Shikamaru and Chouji were with me at school. It's not like we were besties.
"Yoshino-san said that they were, though, basically," Sakura points out, frowning at their reflection. She's hungry but she doesn't want to leave the mirror where she can see the play of emotion over Ino's face. "Was that not true?"
No, it was, Ino says, frowning. It's just, hard to explain?
"Like how you didn't explain keeping secrets from yourself?"
Ino shrugs and grins at her in the mirror, completely unrepentant.
That too, Ino admits. But also not. I haven't decided how to explain that one yet. It's kind of just, like, mentally twisting yourself around until, obviously, there's a plausible explanation that has nothing to do with the actual truth.
"Obviously," Sakura says, as dryly as she can manage. "Pig, that's absolute nonsense. How did I not know you were absolutely insane before this?"
Because I didn't have to explain how I think to you before, Ino says simply. It didn't matter, so long as you knew the surface of things. But here, I'm not the only one who thinks and knows and lies like that and while everyone is on the same page about keeping you safe so that I'm safe until they can figure out how to separate us, that doesn't mean it's going to be all braids and buns.
Then, like she feels she just can't let it go, Ino adds, Forehead.
Sakura sighs. "I thought you waking up would make this easier," she admits. "But now-"
Now you know the waters are treacherous instead of just guessing that they are?
"Yeah, basically," Sakura says. She sounds sour about it, even to her own ears, but she can't help it.
Come on, let's go shock everyone with how I've risen like a phoenix, Ino says. You can lord it over Shikamaru and Chouji.
"What?"
When you see them, just do that smug smile you do when Iruka-sensei says you got an assignment one hundred percent correct, Ino says. That smile. That gloat.
"I do not gloat," Sakura objects. A flush crawls up her face. "I'm allowed to smile when I do good work!"
Liar, liar, pants on fire!
"I don't gloat!" she denies hotly, though she knows good and well that she does. "I'm going downstairs!"
Don't forget the smile! It will piss them off!
"And that's a good thing?!"
It's funny and they'll totally believe you if you blame me.
"I will, too," Sakura says, pushing away from the vanity and deciding she doesn't want to see Ino's face that badly. Not when Ino's laughter bubbles in the back of her throat, tasting like apples. Why apples? "Watch me."
She has the mental impression of Ino rubbing her hands together eagerly.
Sakura stops just inside her room. "You're going to get us into trouble, aren't you?"
Not at all, Ino says happily. I'll be as charming as a night time lover from those terrible books you read.
"I don't believe you at all," Sakura says, but she opens the door and is glad to see no one waiting for her.
It's kind of nice to be able to go down the stairs by herself, really, even though that's something that she never, ever would have thought she'd be grateful for.
"If I talk to you in my mind, will you hear that?" Sakura asks.
Um, duh? Ino says. Honestly, Forehead, you think I can't tell the difference between your thoughts and you talking to me?
Sakura sniffs. I just wanted to make sure. You keep up that attitude and I'll tell them all you're totally dead and they'll have to let me go back to my home and my parents.
You'd never do that.
Ino is right, so Sakura just huffs.
Besides, Ino says, they'd know you were lying. It wouldn't go well for you and they wouldn't understand the way we talk to each other. I strongly suggest that you keep those thoughts out of your mouth.
That's also a fair point. Several of them, actually.
Why do the hallways have shadows in them even though they're lit up? Sakura asks, rather than apologize or admit to having second thoughts about her own threat. It's weird. The library is even weirder.
They enter the kitchen, though, and Ino gives another mental shrug.
I'll tell you later? You're going to need to focus outwards a bit.
"Good morning, Sakura-chan," Yoshino-san says.
It's her, Shikamaru, and Chouji in the kitchen.
Sakura had been worried they were late but Shikamaru is still setting the table.
"Good morning," she says. She doesn't do the smile.
Shikamaru and Chouji echo Yoshino-san's greeting and Sakura takes the seat at the table that seems to be hers.
She should tell them all that Ino is awake, like, right now, but...
But then I have to admit that they don't care about us, don't care about me, just about her.
Sorry, Forehead, Ino says, sounding like she means it. I can't do anything about that. I definitely suggest you tell them before the meal is over, though, because I got the impression that Daddy would be here this morning.
Of course he'd be here, Sakura says, shocked. You just woke up. Why wouldn't he? I'm surprised he's not here already, honestly.
Ino, to her surprise, does not seem to find this as strange as she does. Sakura has the impression of Ino waving the thought off like a bothersome fly.
Daddy's the head of the village's intelligence, Ino says simply. He's diverting and delegating as much as he can so he can look after my situation but he can't drop it all. The village's security is still very, very important. Also, Chouji just said hi.
Sakura smiles at Chouji.
"How did you sleep?" she asks, which is mostly a distraction to keep her from obviously mulling over what Ino had said.
How do you get to be okay with that?
Sakura isn't sure she'd be able to do that. She misses her parents and knows and trusts that, had she been anywhere they were able to get to, that they'd be here. With bells on.
Mom would practically move in, she thinks. And Dad wouldn't be far behind her.
Shikamaru finishes setting the food on the table and Sakura serves herself when they're given the go ahead to do so.
"Ino's awake," she says, adding eggs to her plate. "Inoichi-san's coming."
Silence falls over the table and, resolutely, she doesn't look up. Sakura refuses to see their joy.
She knows it'll be reflections of the joy she'd felt when she'd realized Ino was awake, but it's different because she...
Because I still value myself. I'm still here, too.
Yes, Ino agrees, draped around her like an intangible hug. You are.
Into that long, long silence, Sakura wonders what the others are thinking but she doesn't ask and Ino, if she can find that information out right now, doesn't offer to share.
It's probably for the best.
"Well then," Yoshino-san says, and Sakura can hear the smile in her voice. "Thank you for telling us, Sakura-chan. We'll have to make sure to have breakfast ready for Ino's father. Is there anything the two of you need right now?"
Sakura supposes being referred to as the two of them could be much, much worse. She could just ask about if there's anything Ino needs and she, she needs to stop that. Yoshino-san has been kind the entire time.
Do we need anything? she asks Ino.
You probably need to eat, Ino says easily. But I'm fine. Could this be considered a perk? A diet with no effort? I'm going to be absolutely flawless! Yes!
You're ridiculous. I don't think the dead diet is going to be considered a viable one.
But it got you to smile, so I win anyway.
"No, thank you, Yoshino-san," Sakura says, still not quite confident enough to drag her gaze off her plate. Even if she is smiling a bit now. "We're good, for the moment. I think Ino just wants her dad."
Well, yeah, but you're not supposed to say that!
But given the way Ino feels, something soft and wordless underneath the bravado, Sakura refuses to take it back, even in the confines of her mind, no matter that it's currently shared.
"And that," Yoshino-san says, "is easily solved. We're glad you're awake, Ino-chan. And rest assured, we're all working to make sure this situation is a temporary one for both you and Sakura-chan."
"Thank you," Sakura says, though she's not sure if it's something that needs to be said or if she's saying it just to have something to fill the awful silence after that.
It would probably get better if she looked up. Maybe. It could also be worse.
She's not hungry anymore, either, but the only excuse she can come up with is that she's tired and needs more sleep but that's the last thing that she and Ino needs.
Daddy would probably want you and me up anyway, Ino says. After all, he's going to want to speak with both of us and when you're asleep it's a bit more awkward.
As the sound of eating begins again from the others at the table, Sakura tilts her head slightly.
Could he talk to me while I was sleeping? she wonders. And would I remember it?
Ino gives a shrug. It's still weird to feel that inside of her and know it comes from someone else.
Yes, she says thoughtfully. Slowly. As if she's picking her words carefully. To both. It's more complicated and as far as you'd know, the conversation would be like a dream. You'd remember it, but if you believed it would be a totally different thing, so long as all we did was talk.
Sakura frowns down at her breakfast. 'So long as all we did was talk' sounds incredibly creepy.
Yeah, well, we don't do that for funsies, Ino says. That's a mission thing and if the Hokage orders it, it's okay.
"That's true," she admits, because it's a core thing at the Academy that everything, literally and absolutely everything and anything, is okay to do if it's under orders of the Hokage.
Nothing is off limits if it means getting the job done.
"What's true?" Chouji asks tentatively, and Sakura realizes she spoke aloud.
She flushes. "Sorry," she says, "Ino and I were talking about something. It doesn't matter."
Ino scoffs.
It doesn't matter to them! Sakura corrects swiftly and non-verbally. Why would they care about it anyway? They already know all of it and don't need it explained to them like a baby!
You're not a baby? Ino says, sounding surprised. Why are we talking about babies anyway? Who called you one?
Sakura scowls at her breakfast.
There's this whole book of quizzes that Yoshino-san is testing me on and it's for little babies but I don't even know all the answers and-
Hang on, Ino says. Let me get caught up here.
"Are... are the two of you already bickering?" Shikamaru asks, sounding both awed and appalled.
"It's none of your business," Sakura retorts.
Chouji muffles a snicker.
Yoshino-san leans over and raps her hand.
"Be polite," she says. "There's no need to take your temper out on any of us."
Chastised, Sakura blinks away the sudden urge to cry for absolutely no reason at all.
"Yes, Yoshino-san," she says quietly. She still can't bring herself to look up.
Oh, I see, Ino says. Don't worry about it, Sakura. Aunty doesn't mean anything by it. She's honestly just trying to gauge where you're at so she can better teach you. Aunty used to teach at the Academy, did you know that? I think she might like to go back to it, some time, but Uncle Shikaku relies on her too heavily with the day-to-day of the Clan for it to be feasible for her to be off doing another job.
Then why do I feel so stupid? Sakura demands. I never felt stupid when Iruka-sensei or Mizuki-sensei or Shizuru-sensei taught us!
Ino hums. It's a strange sensation.
Stop that.
No.
You suck, Sakura thinks. I hate you.
Ino ignores this.
Sakura gets the impression that Ino is just about swimming through her mind, searching for the stories lost in the waters of it, and she wonders what it is that Ino is looking for.
"Sakura-chan," Yoshino-san says, and without thinking, Sakura jerks her head up.
She meets Yoshino-san's eyes and, unlike her worst thoughts, there's nothing but the same warmth that had been there yesterday. Sakura doesn't know how much of that is manufactured but it comforts her that it's just the same as it had been.
For some reason, that makes her eyes fill with tears.
"None of that," Yoshino-san says briskly. "Sakura-chan, it's all right. I'm sure that both you and Ino-chan are having trouble getting used to being in such proximity, but it'll be alright."
And, somehow, that's the absolute worst thing she could have said.
Sakura bursts into tears.
She hears Chouji make a distressed noise, Shikamaru says something-but she can't make out what it is, just that from the sounds of things and his subsequent yelp, Chouji has kicked him-and Yoshino-san gets up and draws her into a hug.
It doesn't help and she can't stop crying.
"I-I'm sorry," she says, gulping. "I don't-I don't even know why I'm crying."
Just that Yoshino-san's kindnesses, right now, feel like bruises rather than comforting touches.
"Because it's an awful lot going on," Yoshino-san says, her voice close to her ear. "Shikamaru, Chouji, get to your lessons. Keep reading where you left off from yesterday."
"But breakfast-" Chouji complains, but Sakura catches sight of them, and Shikamaru grabs Chouji and drags him away.
"Don't be an idiot," Shikamaru mutters. "This gets us out of dishes."
Sakura gives a sobbing sort of giggle, even as tears flood down her face. Her chest hurts and her head hurts and her eyes hurt and there's arms around her but she knows, she knows that if it wasn't for Ino, there's no way they'd be so gentle.
If it wasn't for Ino there'd be no comforting murmuring.
I wander off for, like, three minutes in the back of your head and you fall apart? Ino asks. Forehead, what happened?
Sakura cries harder, still not even sure why she's crying, as Ino explores the edges of her emotions.
I can't make them love you, Ino says finally. You know that there's no way I can do that to them or to you, right? That this isn't something that can just be fixed with the tweak of someone's self.
I don't even know what I want, Sakura wails.
To that, Ino has nothing to say, though Sakura can feel her going back to brushing through her emotions and thoughts, gently, very gently.
Sakura has no idea how long she's been crying when-
"I'll take over from here, Yoshino," a man says, and it's only as Sakura is bodily picked, cradled against his chest, that she realizes it's Ino's dad.
It makes her feel even smaller and more childish as she clutches his shirt and completely misses what Yoshino-san says, just hearing the cadence of her voice. She thinks there might be worry in it, but she can't think of why. Everything feels soft and strange around the edges, like she's a hank of thread that's coming undone.
Daddy will help, Ino says comfortingly. Daddy's good at that. I don't know what to say, since you don't know what's wrong, but it'll be okay, Sakura. Daddy's not going to forget you exist just because I'm awake now.
I most certainly won't, he says, in her mind, and his mind's voice is as warm as he'd been yesterday, during their conversation. I'll have to take a look at the both of you to see what's going on here. Yoshino is concerned too.
Sakura keeps crying, she can't seem to stop, but neither of the Yamanaka with her right now seem to mind that. Ino is just a solidly comforting presence in her own mind and Ino's dad is-
He's carrying me up the stairs? she wonders.
It's probably better to give you some privacy, right? Ino says matter-of-factly. Your bedroom's as good a place as any and better than the kitchen. It gets in everyone's way if we just hang out in the kitchen to try and deal with this. That's the nice thing about us, we don't need all the fancy rooms and gadgets like doctors or nurses do.
There's a time and place for those fancy rooms and gadgets, even for us, Inoichi-san says mildly. In some cases, even our work relies on those things.
Sakura's head hurts worse and she's not sure if it's from crying or from trying to figure out what they're going on about or if it's something else. She does register when they get to her door-Inoichi-san has to shift her around a little to get the door open-and she doesn't object when he takes a seat on her made bed, settling her in his lap, like she's much younger than she is.
I'm not a baby, she thinks, but it's a faint protest, a grasping straw for her dignity, and she's not sure she's got any left. Not when she's still got her fingers curled tightly in his shirt.
"It's alright, Sakura-chan," he tells her. "You've cried on me before, remember? I don't mind."
And that's... that's true but she's tried so hard to become someone who doesn't need to cry on people, especially since she gave Ino her ribbon back and swore they were eternal rivals.
I don't think that standard rival rules apply in this case, Ino says. Why not a ceasefire? It's not like either of us can squabble over going on a date with someone when, well, first we're in seclusion and, secondly, any date for one of us would be a date for both of us and that would be really, really weird.
Startled, Sakura giggles. It's wet and soppy and clogged, but it's a giggle.
"That's better," Inoichi-san says, though he sounds pained. "Though I'd like to be left out of any nefarious pre-teen plotting about the people you two are interested in, just so you know."
Well, it's true, Ino says, unrepentant, and Sakura finds it's hard to be too upset while her two favourite Yamanaka banter back and forth with each other.
And they're not leaving me out, she realizes. They're giving me the time and space to feel my feelings and then figure out how to feel okay.
Which helps a lot as she partly listens to them and partly revels in the fierce joy and relief that she can feel from Inoichi-san-she thinks she might be feeling it through Ino's presence in her mind, because she's never been able to feel emotions before-and Sakura... Sakura takes the time to consider her reaction.
Why did I just fall to pieces that way, anyway?
She'd thought that she'd been feeling okay. A little blue because it wasn't fun being the one people cared about the least in a place where the ties and affection were complicated and complex but deep and strong all the same, but she'd known that would happen for days.
Sakura had thought she'd accepted it, however little it was fun, because there was nothing she could do about it. She'd thought she'd trusted them to at least be civil to her, given the circumstances and, knowing she'd have Ino awake had been a comforting thought because, no matter what, Ino was impossible for her to ignore.
And Ino doesn't ignore me either, she thinks. We always know what's going on with each other, even at school, even with the whole rivalry thing. Maybe especially because of that because you can't properly best a rival if you don't know everything about them.
But none of that answers why she'd fallen to pieces like a baby.
Maybe some sort of delayed reaction to something? she wonders. Or maybe just the act of Ino waking up, so that there's two full minds awake and active at the same time in the same place—would that cause stress? Everyone had said that Ino sleeping had been stressful on me but...
"It's a good thought," Inoichi-san says. "Do you think you feel up to washing your face, getting a glass of water, and then we can see if your good thought has any merit to it?"
I'm fabulous and all but, like, this isn't my head either, Ino says. So... if it's my fault, I'm sorry about that, Forehead.
Sakura tries to speak but all that comes out is a dismal sort of croak.
Well, whatever, she's with two people who she doesn't need to verbalize with for them to follow what she's thinking. She works on prying her fingers from Inoichi-san's shirt—she's been holding on long enough that they're stiff, so it takes some effort.
You didn't ask for this, she says. None of us asked for this. So... so it's not your fault, Ino. You don't need to be sorry for it. I'd rather you were in my head and being crazy annoying than not around to get on my nerves.
Gee, thanks, Ino says sarcastically. I love you too.
Yeah, I know, Sakura says simply. It's pretty hard to deny that, so she doesn't, and it's also true that, whatever their status is... well... Right back at you.
Ino huffs, Inoichi-san sighs, and Sakura carefully stands, not liking the way she feels wobbly on the inside.
I'll be right back, she says, wrapping dignity around her like a cloak, using it to make her straighten her back, make her legs work, and carefully, so carefully, she walks—not runs, despite wanting to—out the bedroom door and down the hall to the bathroom.
I don't think you fooled anyone, Ino says, but her presence is like a hug. But I'll beat up anyone who has the nerve to say so.
Sakura starts giggling and, even when the mirror shows her what a terrible fright she looks like, she can't stop.
Well, Ino says, sounding a little rueful. it's better than crying, right?