Phoenix Wright woke up screaming and crying, sitting up in bed and holding the sheets to his sweaty body. He had had that dream again. That... nightmare. He turned his head a number of degrees to either the right or left and observed a digital alarm clock on a table either on the left or right side of his bed- the side of the bed the clock is located has not yet been established in the canon. It will be confirmed in Ace Attorney 7 when my OC/self-insert becomes real.
"3:00 AM," murmured Phoenix, running a hand through his hair. He knew from experience that trying to go back to sleep would be a lost cause, so he dragged himself out of bed, dressed, and went downstairs and got some milk and cookies from the kitchen.
For the last 10 years, the events of that trial had been haunting him in his sleep, disrupting his happy dreams of frolicking through fields where the evidence was always unforged, the clients were always innocent, and John Phoenix never hurt him. And just before he was about to finally kiss a girl for the first time in his life (in a dream), the Judge would turn giant and hit him with a hammer that made him small and dead. Then the judge would say that Phoenix Wright was no longer worthy of his title, because he had let the truth remain lost forever.
Phoenix knew all too well what Dream Judge was talking about. 10 years ago, Luke Atmey had been found guilty of murdering Kane Bullard. But the murder weapon was never found, or at least not specified! Most people of average intelligence would think that didn't matter very much, if at all, and that the conclusion to that trial was a completely satisfying one, and that knowing what Luke hit the guy with wouldn't make the case any better.
But Phoenix Wright is not a man of average intelligence. He thought it was possible that Luke Atmey was really innocent all along. If so, had he condemned an innocent man to life in prison by accusing him in court? He suddenly threw down his cookies and vowed to find the truth!
He took out his cell phone and called Edgeworth.
"Wright, for what reason are you calling me at this godforsaken hour?"
"I want to reopen the Kane Bullard case and find the truth!"
"Oh no, I'm afraid that would be quite impossible. That is the one case that will never be reopened, because it's already solved! Good night!" He hung up.
Suspicious. Edgeworth must be trying to hide the truth! Phoenix Wright decided to go the evidence place himself and investigate. He didn't want to disturb John Phoenix's genius rest, so Phoenix Wright chartered a helicopter and rappelled down the side of the Police Headquarters. He opened a window and crawled inside.
He went down a corridor and peeked into the security room. Jake Marshal was watering his cactuses.
"Yippie hi ho, partner," the cowboy told his cactuses. "These little doggies are thirsty, ha ha ha!" Phoenix Wright shoved Jake from behind and impaled him on a cactus. It was okay though, he may look dead, but he's just sleeping. Phoenix played with the control panel and then he went into the evidence room.
It was very blue and spooky with skeletons and cobwebs everywhere. Phoenix Wright managed to find the right evidence locker and extract the evidence. He was able to open it because he had a severed hand belonging to that locker's detective. John Phoenix had been making copies of the detective's hands by cloning them and then killing the clones and taking their hands. This way they wouldn't be able to hide the truth from the public.
"Hmm, looks like all the evidence is the same as the evidence I had in Ron DeLite's trial," said Phoenix. "But there are a few extra pieces, namely a statue shaped like 'The Thinker' and a scrap of paper that says 'Say your guilty or I'll blackmail you'. This must have been a warning to Luke Atmey!"
He added all the evidence to the Court Record, which already included his badge, his magatama, and his gun; and then Phoenix Wright went home and watched cartoons and when visiting hours began he went to see Luke Atmey.
"Sir Attorney, why are you here?" asked Luke Atmey.
"Because you're not actually guilty! Admit it!"
Sweat dripped down Luke's nose and five black psyche locks appear. "Y-you have no proof I'm not guilty!"
"Yes I do, take that!" He presented the scrap of paper! "Your just being blackmailed by the real killer!"
"Hmph... very good. You are truly an Ace at presenting evidence. I enjoyed this little duel of wits with you, Sir Attorney. It was an honor."
The psyche locks exploded and Luke's heart opened. A new topic of conversation unlocked: [The real killer]
"The real killer..." Luke hesitated. "Very well. The real killer of Kane Bullard is-"
Suddenly there was a gunshot and a bullet hole appeared in the glass between them! Luke fell off his chair, dead, a bullet in his heart. The guard examined the body.
"Yikes, he's dead," said the guard. "Who did it?"
"I dunno," said Phoenix. Then his smoking gun fell out of his pocket! The police man saw it and immediately called the police and had Phoenix arrested for the murder of Luke Atmey!
The next day, John Phoenix went to court to defend his uncle, who stood accused of shooting Luke Atmey in the visitor's room.
"Court is now in order for the trial of Phoenix Wright," said the judge.
"Court is now in order for the trial of Phoenix Wright," said John Phoenix, saying it better. Everyone applauded.
"Ahem... ladies and gentlemen of the court... this gives me no pleasure... but Wright is obviously guilty," said Edgeworth. "I will prove it with testimony. Gumshoe to the stand!"
Gumshoe took the stand as testified about Phoenix's guilt.
==Why Phoenix Is Guilty==
"No matter what way you look at, Phoenix shot Luke Atmey."
"There were only three people in the room: the guard, the defendant, and the victim."
"The bullet definitely came from Phoenix's gun."
"The bullet hole in the glass came from Phoenix's side of the glass."
"Of all the people in the room, only Phoenix could have fired the gun."
==End testimony==
"Hmm," said the judge. "This looks like an open and shut case. Only Phoenix Wright could have fired the gun."
"OBJECTION!" cried John Phoenix. "No. Someone else could have fired the gun. Namely, the real killer."
"Oh?" asked Edgeworth. "And where was this mysterious 'someone' located? If they had been behind Wright, the bullet would have gone through his back."
John Phoenix nodded. "Of course. That is why the true killer fired the gun from between my uncle and the glass."
"Preposterous!" cried Edgeworth. "Uncle Phoenix... I mean Wright would have seen the killer in that case!"
"Not if the killer was hiding!" smiled John Phoenix. "If the killer were hiding, Uncle Phoenix wouldn't have seen them, because they would be hiding."
"And where was this hiding spot?" asked the judge. "I don't see one on the map..."
"There's only one place. One place where a killer could pull the trigger unseen. They were hiding inside the Court Record!"
The gallery made noises and the judge made a noise that stopped the noises.
"John Phoenix, kindly point out which piece of evidence you believe committed this foul crime," ordered the judge. "But I warn you, if you accuse the wrong piece of evidence, and it turns out you were leading this court on a wild goose chase, there will be severe consequences." 1/16th of the life bar started flashing.
John Phoenix did not hesitate. Nor did he smile. Because now it was time to expose perhaps the evilest villain he had ever gone up against.
"TAKE THAT!" John Phoenix presented the statue of The Thinker. "This statue was the true killer! It had means, motive, and opportunity. Defense calls Statue of the Thinker to the stand!"
Edgeworth chuckled. "Oh, so the defense wants to cross examine the inanimate object! This should be amusing."
Gumshoe was dismissed and the statue shaped like The Thinker was called to the stand. The bailiff set the statue on the stand.
"Witness, testify about what you were doing at the time of the crime," ordered the judge.
==Testimony Start==
...
==End testimony==
"Heh heh heh..." laughed Edgeworth. "See, Your Honor? The statue is, in fact, a statue. It can't say anything!"
"OBJECTION" said John Phoenix. "The prosecution is lying! The statue can say what time it is BECAUSE IT IS ALSO A CLOCK! It's just pretending it can't talk!"
Edgeworth flinched. "NRRRRGHG NOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo!"
The statue just sat there, stone-faced. The judge swung his gavel.
"Witness, testify again, and no more lying!"
==Testimony Start==
...
"I think it's 11 o'clock."
==End testimony==
"Mhm, I concede that the statue is also a clock, and can say the time," said Edgeworth, "but it's still an inanimate object. It is not alive. It can't really talk."
"OBJECTION!" John Phoenix slammed his desk and it sunk into the floor. "That's impossible, Miles! TAKE THAT!"
John Phoenix presented the statue's profile.
"This clearly says that the statue will only tell the time when the neck is tilted," he explained. "But no one touched the statue during the entire duration of the testimony! This can mean only one thing. The statue CHOSE to tell the time! It is alive and is actually a little man who is also a clock."
"..." Suddenly the statue shaped like The Thinker got off its pedestal and took out a wine glass like Matt Engarde's!
"Oh, very good, Mr. Lawyer," the statue laughed as Engarde's evil theme played. "You got me! It looks like you've finally found me out! Ahahahahah!"
Everyone was shocked by the sudden reveal that the statue shaped like The Thinker was actually a tiny man.
"W-w-w-witness!" boomed the judge. "Are you admitting that you shot-"
"I'm not admitting anything," interrupted the statue of The Thinker. "The defense is way off base."
==Testimony Start==
"The only thing the defense has proven is that I am a sentient clock. Nothing more, nothing less."
"How could I have shot that fool Atmey? I was in Phoenix Wright's pocket."
"You're just another scumbag lawyer like that guy who got Machi Tobaye an acquittal."
==End testimony==
"OBJECTION!" said John Phoenix. "Yes, you may have been in Phoenix Wright's pocket, but so was something else, HIS GUN! You just pointed the gun out of my uncle's pocket and killed Luke!"
"...why would I do that? I have no motive."
"Yes, you do. TAKE THAT!"
John Phoenix presented the scrap of paper.
"Luke Atmey was being blackmailed by the person who really murdered Kane Bullard. YOU were blackmailing Luke, and you shot him to stop him from revealing your identity!"
"It makes sense..." agreed Edgeworth reluctantly.
"I-interesting theory," said the statue shaped like the thinker. "So according to you, I killed Kane Bullard. Any evidence of that, you bluffing baboon?"
John Phoenix tapped a document. "The weapon that killed Kane Bullard was never found. I believe the statue of the thinker recovered from the crime scene was the true weapon. If we examine the base of your pedestal, we will find that it's the murder weapon!"
The statue shaped like The Thinker dropped his glass and it shattered on the witness stand. He was hyperventilating.
"...the witness has been hiding the evidence of his crime by sitting on it for the last 10 years," said John Phoenix. "But if you look closely, I think you can see some dried blood on the pedestal. Also, the witness's shoulder has a tiny crack, probably from firing the gun!"
The judge used his gavel. "Bailiff! Take the witness into custody at once!"
The bailiff tried to pick up the Thinker, but the statue bit his pinky and hopped off the witness and ran out of the courtroom!
"Good lord!" said the judge. "After him!"
John Phoenix and Edgeworth chased after the statue!
"Cough, cough," said Kyle Hyde outside the courtroom. He was on the floor.
"What happened, man?" asked Edgeworth.
"A statue that's a clock that's shaped like 'The Thinker' just beat me up and stole my paperclip." He pointed. "He went that way."
John Phoenix and Edgeworth ran down a hallway and found dead bodies slumped against the walls. Edgeworth dropped down and examined them.
"Their throats have been slit with a paperclip," he said. "Be careful, the statue shaped like The Thinker is armed and dangerous."
They followed the statue shaped like The Thinker all the way to Gourd Lake. The statue was surprisingly fast.
"Run, run, as fast as you can, you can't catch me, I'm the thinking statue man!" The statue hopped onto Gourdy's back and it began carrying him across the lake. "Ahahaha!" laughed the statue. "So long, fools!" But then Gourdy turned around and swam back to shore!
"What, no!" shouted the statue.
"Gourdy works for the prosecutor's office," said Edgeworth. "Now, surrender yourself at once!"
"NEVER!"
The statue leaped at John Phoenix and knocked him to the ground! They engaged in a death struggle over the paper clip, but eventually John Phoenix overpowered the statue and shoved him into a cage and locked it.
"NOOOOOOOOOooooooo!" screamed the statue. A police eagle picked up the cage and flew it to jail.
Faintly, in the distance, they could hear the Judge say "Not Guilty".
Later that night
Edgeworth arrived at Phoenix Wright's law offices to congratulate the newly freed attorney and his nephew.
"Good news, Wright," said Edgeworth. "It took many hours of torture, but we finally elicited a full confession. You see, the statue shaped like The Thinker was magic. Larry Butz had a witch use black magic to make the statue tell the time. This had the side effect of making it evil. Not only did the statue kill Kane Bullard and shoot Atmey, but it also manipulated Redd White and Frank Sahwit as well. We also believe the statue was controlling all the killers in your other cases too."
"Wow, now that all my past cases are perfectly connected in this unlikely way, I feel that they are a lot more satisfying," said Uncle Wright. "Thanks for finding the truth, John Phoenix."
"It was easy. You were foolish for carrying the murderer around in your pocket. Never investigate again." John Phoenix folded his arms. "But, I must admit that I admire you and respect you more than any man in the world. You are my uncle."
"And you are my nephew," smiled Uncle Phoenix.
Edgeworth opened the door. "Oh, and I have a surprise for you, Wright."
Mia Fey and Redd White's ghosts walked in holding hands.
"Thank you for bringing the statue shaped like The Thinker to justice, Phoenix," said Mia. "Now our spirits can rest easy."
"Yes, I was forced to use that horrible statue to kill Miss Mia!" said Redd White. "I was innocent all along!"
"That's great, I am happy for you, boss," said Phoenix. Then he put on his footy pajamas and climbed into his crib and dreamt happy dreams.
He, too, was at peace. The truth had been found at last.
THE END!