Prompt #21: "I meant to give this to you 13 years ago."

A Letter

~oOo~

~ 13 years ago ~

Elliot's hands were shaking when Olivia had finally gained the courage to go to him. She knelt down beside her partner, beside Jenna. Her own hands were covered in Sister Peg's blood.

"El, you had to." Olivia breathed out the breath she swears she was holding since Jenna's gun went off. "You had to." She put her head on his shoulder.

Olivia had no idea how long the two stayed there. People hurried past them, and she knew soon they would have to give statements. Photos were taken of the crime scene, someone had helped her stand to her feet at some point, and she was told she could go wash up.

She had hit the showers, scrubbing at her hands until they were raw. She let her tears fall freely. This was going to be a hard one. After what felt like hours, but in reality couldn't have been since the water was still steaming, she got out. She dried and dressed into some NYPD clothes.

When she finally walked back into the squad room Sister Peg and Jenna's bodies were gone, taken to the morgue. It was all too quiet. Elliot was gone.

~oOo~

~ present day ~

"Thanks for coming." Elliot smiled as he stepped aside, letting Liv pass.

"Elliot, you didn't have to do all of this," she said, referring to the candlelit dinner and flowers taking over his table.

"It's nothing." He shrugged it off, but a smile remained on his face. "We deserve to celebrate. You found Maddie, we took down a sex trafficking drug ring."

"We found Maddie," Olivia corrected, putting a hand on his chest. "I never would have found her without your help."

Elliot didn't believe that, Olivia had been more than dedicated to finding the girl. It was only a coincidence that the SVU and OC cases had been connected.

"We've always been good as partners." Elliot grinned. "Let's eat."

~oOo~

After dinner, laughs, and a trip down memory lane, the two were sipping wine on the couch. They continued sharing stories of the years they had missed in each other's lives. Liv was just finishing up telling him all about adopting Noah.

"You saved that boy in every sense of the word. He's a great kid Liv, I'm really sorry I didn't get to see him grow up."

Olivia gave a sad nod as she took the last sip of her wine, setting the glass on the coffee table.

"You know there were a handful of moments when missing you was harder. That time being one of them."

Elliot opened his mouth to apologize again, but Olivia rested her hand on his shoulder to stop him.

"It's okay, Elliot. I've forgiven you. I want to move forward, find a way to get back to us."

"Liv, I need to give you something." He reached into his pocket. "I meant to give you this thirteen years ago."

The last thing Olivia expected him to hand her was a folded-up, blank piece of paper. She looked up at him, confused.

"I had written you a letter," he said shyly.

"You wrote me a letter?" she questioned since his last letter had been written by Kathy.

Elliot nodded. "I had written you a letter after I decided to leave SVU. I threw it into a fire instead of being man enough to give it to you."

"Why are you…" He cut her off.

"Dear Liv, I'm tired. Not only of jumping through hoops with IAB, but tired of the feeling I get after cases that end the way this last one had. I killed a kid. I have to leave. I'm writing this to you in a letter, taking the coward's way out, but I know you. I know if I come to you in person you'll convince me that I did what I had to do. That I did nothing wrong, but I can't stop thinking about pulling that trigger. Maybe there was no other way, I don't know. What I do know is, if I see you, I won't leave. You put too much faith into me, Olivia Benson, and it scares me. I love you, more than I should. Leaving SVU, leaving you, is the hardest decision I ever had to make. Goodbye, Liv. Love, your partner."

Elliot still had that damn letter memorized. He had gone back and forth for weeks about if he wanted to send it to her or not and finally he chose against it. Another thing he regretted now, seeing how much his leaving had hurt her.

Olivia had tears in her eyes, he reached up to wipe one away.

"I wish I would have given you that letter, but more importantly I wish I never would have left. Not like that. You didn't deserve that."

"I love you, Elliot." Olivia had known for weeks that she was ready to let herself be happy, and a big part of that happiness was in Elliot.

His lips softly met hers, and she knew the compass had worked.

The author of this SVU - Love Leads You Home story will be revealed in March