AN: I've made a discord server if anyone is interested! I'd love to talk to and interact with you guys, so if you feel so inclined, go ahead and join! Thank you all for the reviews and the love this story has been given so far. I appreciate it. Here is the link to the discord! /bhkz2mv5Vj
The following days were filled with agonizing pain. Asami was unconscious most of the time, and the few times she did wake up she was met with someone at her bedside putting her back to sleep almost immediately. Those moments were filled with confusion and discomfort, her body slick with sweat, either too hot or too cold. She was always relieved to be sent back into the dark slumber since it provided her with a fraction of relief from the pain.
One of those times she woke up was different from the others though, as when she came to she was not overcome with the same sense of disgust and discomfort as the others. Instead, she lay on a comfortable futon with a soft sheet draped over her body, staring up at the ceiling she recognized as her bedroom.
Well, at least she knew she hadn't died.
The sheet fell down as Asami slowly sat up to take a look around her empty room. All her things were as they usually were, the only difference being the water basin, rag draped over the lip of it, and a cup placed at her bedside, presumably for her to drink from if she happened to wake up.
She grimaced at the distant stinging in her lower stomach, holding a hand over it as she looked down at the loose black shirt she wore. It had a tie around it so it could easily be unwrapped, so she pulled at it out of curiosity. Hopefully, she wouldn't see some sort of gruesome sight underneath. She wasn't sure she would be able to stomach that.
White bandages lined her stomach, light spotting of blood on them as though it was from the wound scabbing over, so it wasn't something to be concerned over. She wasn't curious enough to take off the bandages and get a look, so she left it alone. She was sure if she were to do something like that the healer would have her head for it anyway.
The distant stinging instead of burning pain like when the wound was first inflicted was enough of a clue to tell her it had begun to heal. Foggy memories of waking up and drifting off again made her think she had been unconscious for quite some time, allowing herself the time to heal. How many days passed anyway? She wasn't sure she could put a number on it, but it had to be at least a couple.
Asami reached for the cup at her bedside, peering inside to see it had been filled. She gave it a sniff, furrowing her brows as she made sure it was actually water.
It was better to check it wasn't filled with some sort of medicinal concoction that she wasn't supposed to ingest and end up poisoning herself. The last thing she needed was to go ahead and drink something she wasn't supposed to and kill herself after surviving the stab wound.
Deciding it was most definitely water, she began to drink, the water lukewarm but refreshing nevertheless. She hadn't realized how thirsty she was until now.
After draining the cup, Asami tied her shirt back up and pushed the bedsheet off of her completely, revealing a pair of loose black pants. She wondered who had dressed her since the clothing was not something she usually wore. She was mildly embarrassed at the thought of someone having to dress and clean her up. The last time anyone had ever seen her less than fully clothed was when she was a small child and her father bathed her. That had been many, many years ago.
While embarrassing, she knew it wasn't something to get worked up over. The healers needed to access her wound and make sure she was clean to prevent infection, so she tried to shove away the thought of someone she didn't know well seeing her naked. She was just going to pretend it didn't happen.
The healer was most likely a woman anyway, so there wasn't much to be embarrassed about. Not wanting to pay it any more mind, she got to her feet, pushing herself up off her futon.
Asami grimaced as she got to her feet, never having realized how much of her stomach muscles were twisted and stretched when she normally stood. She paused once she was standing to her full height, hand-pressed gently over her stomach as she waited for the intense stinging to retreat back into a dull throb.
That Uzumaki bastard really did a number on her even when he was on the brink of death. It was humiliating how she almost died from lack of care. She thought the man wasn't a threat in his injured state, but that had proved to be a dire mistake that almost cost her life. The Uzumaki had proved time and time again they had a miraculous amount of resilience, so why would that man even when knocking on death's door be any different?
She was just stupid. She really was lucky to be alive right now.
There were voices down the hallway. Asami looked up from her hand pressed to her wound, furrowing her brows as she tried to identify the voices and hear what they were saying. They were probably near the front door or around a corner, as their voices sounded muffled and unintelligible. She couldn't make anything out or place a name on the voice.
Well, she had been dead to the world for however long, so she was eager to see someone and get the rundown on what had been going on. Had Kousuke told Madara and Izuna what went on at the hideout? Did Kousuke end up killing that last Uzumaki before he picked her up and took off in the direction of the compound? Had they already attacked the Uzumaki in retaliation?
There were a lot of questions in her mind, and the voices sounded as though they were getting louder. They were probably heading in her direction. It gave her enough motivation to walk over to the door, letting out quiet noises of discomfort as she crossed the room.
Asami opened the door, hand pressed to her stomach as she stepped a foot into the hallway. She turned her head, looking one way down the hall only to see emptiness, before she turned her head the other way, blinking at the sight of her eldest cousin and Kousuke.
"She hasn't woken up yet. I told you that you're welcome to visit and check up on her as you like, but when is the last time you had a bath?" Said Madara, his back to her. He sounded tired and mildly exasperated, but it was nothing compared to how Kousuke looked.
She could barely see him around her cousin's large frame, but the glimpse was enough to show her how terrible he looked. Madara was not out of line in his comment about Kouske bathing. His hair was messy and unkempt, not in the normal fashion, but in the form of lifeless, frizzy curls. His navy blue yukata had stains on it as though it had been worn for days in a row, dark bags framing his eyes.
Kousuke's face pinched into one of frustration, about to say something, but his gaze drifted over Madara's shoulder, eyes widening as he made eye contact with her. He moved to step around Madara, calling out to her. "Asami?!"
Madara turned to look over his shoulder, brows furrowed in confusion at why Kousuke was yelling her name, only for a look of alarm to cover his features at the sight of her up and about. He moved down the hallway after Kousuke, who had sprinted over to her and was looking as though he was going to burst into tears at any moment.
Asami looked between both of them, Madara and Kousuke silent as they reached her, standing aimlessly as they looked at her. No one said anything, both of the men dumbstruck at her standing in the hallway. Kousuke had his hands outstretched a little ways from his body, fingers twitching and mouth agape as he scrambled for something to say. Madara stared, blinking slowly as he also evaluated the scene, but he was not in as hysterical of a state as Kousuke was.
She gave them both a flat look, unimpressed. Just what had come over them?
"So, does someone want to fill me in? Or am I going to stand here being stared at all day?" Asami winced, shifting her weight back so she wasn't putting as much pressure on her stomach. The lack of regular mobility was getting on her nerves.
At this, Kousuke pressed his sleeve to his eyes, covering his face from her, voice muffled by his yukata as he spoke. "I'm so glad you're awake."
Madara, snapping out of it, sent a look in Kousuke's direction for his sudden shift in emotions, but the young Uchiha was still hiding his face from her, making odd sounds as though he was sniffing. Asami looked at him strangely but chose to not comment on it. He was hiding his face for a reason anyway, so it would have been rude to point it out.
Madara came over to Asami's side, hand on her back and the other on her arm as he guided her back into her room. He grimaced, a line between his eyebrows as he looked at her in concern. "Asami, why are you out of bed? Your wound has barely been healed properly. If you move wrong you're going to tear it open."
Asami sighed, allowing herself to be ushered into the space. Even though she didn't want him to be, she knew he was right. The longer she stood and shifted her weight, the more intense the stinging became. It was in her best interest to not bleed out everywhere, but she also did not want to sit aimlessly in her room until she was fit to resume regular activities.
It seemed there was no choice, though. She would just have to be… bored for the time being.
"I hope I didn't give everyone a scare when I…" Asami paused, standing beside Madara in front of her futon. She turned her head to look at him, brows furrowed. "What even happened? I must have given everyone a scare. I was going to say when I arrived, but I don't even know how that happened."
Kousuke trailed into the room behind them, but he was turning his face away from her, cheeks red and eyes a little puffy.
Madara looked over at Kousuke, who was still refusing to let Asami see his face fully, before sighing deeply. He shifted a bit closer to her, the grip on her arm tightening in a comforting manner. "Kousuke-kun carried you here on his back. His ankle was sprained, his shoulder dislocated, and with a dangerously low amount of chakra. He's the reason you're alive."
Asami blinked, looking over at Kouske too, though he didn't even seem as though he was going to acknowledge what Madara was saying. In fact, he looked a little frustrated that Madara was insinuating he was some kind of hero, his jaw set as he glared holes into the wall.
"You lost a lot of blood due to your stab wound," continued Madara, not paying the other Uchiha male any mind. He looked down at her, a pained look in his eyes as he thought back to her unconscious, bloody body. "You showed up drenched in blood. We realized later it wasn't only yours, but it was still a horrifying thing to see after we received the message from Mayu-san, your summoning, that you were gravely injured. The wound had bled a lot, but it was easily patchable, and from there on you were resting. Your body had to regain its strength from the stress it was under, which is why you may have had an unpleasant few days…"
"Unpleasant doesn't begin to describe it." Asami's expression went sour, thinking back to how she had woken up constantly in extreme discomfort, the temperature never right and feeling as though her skin was crawling. That was something she never wanted to endure again.
Madara let go of her, taking a step back. He looked at Kousuke, who was still staring at the far wall with clenched fists and a set jaw. Madara let out another sigh, a look of disappointment on his face as Kousuke didn't react.
Asami looked between the two of them, wondering why Madara looked so exasperated with the younger Uchiha. Kouske was being difficult, but about what, she didn't know. He seemed glad she was okay at first, but now he was glaring holes into the wall.
And they say women were confusing.
Madara looked back to Asami, sending her a small smile. "I am glad you're safe. I'm going to go get Izuna and tell him the news. I'm sure he'll want to see you. We can discuss more of the happenings of what went on at the Uchiha hideout tonight after you're gotten some more of your strength back. For now, I think you and Kousuke-kun have some talking to do."
He sent her a pointed look, stopping in the doorway after crossing the room. "While I am gone, do not overextend yourself. I mean that."
Asami forced herself to smile, resisting the urge to tease him for his nagging. "Yes, I understand."
Madara cast one last look in Kousuke's direction, before walking out of sight and heading down the hall.
Asami and Kousuke were left in silence, Kouske still staring holes into the wall. Asami folded her hands, looking at the ground awkwardly.
She had never been in such an uncomfortable situation with Kousuke before. Usually, interactions with him were easy, relaxed, and sometimes even mindless. They were never stressful, and Kousuke was not one who would dwell on things that upset him for long. He was usually light and easygoing, allowing her to escape her tendency to brood and sink into her thoughts.
It seemed their positions had switched. She wasn't sure how she was to make it better, since usually, cheering someone up was something he was good at, not her.
After a few more minutes of no one saying anything, Asami walked over to the door leading to the engawa, pushing it open. She sighed, content with the warm spring air, a gentle breeze blowing through her hair as she took a step outside.
It was a nice day, the sun low in the sky with few clouds, the position of the sun making her think it was probably somewhere around late afternoon. She was thankful for the fresh air, her room feeling stuffy when she didn't have the door open. It had probably been closed throughout the time she was unconscious.
Asami looked over her shoulder at Kousuke, who met her gaze with an unreadable expression. She gave him a closed-eye smile, tilting her head. "It's a nice day, isn't it?"
Kousuke stared at her for a moment, blinking at the warmness in her demeanor. He didn't react at first, just looking at her, the sun shining and the gentle spring breeze blowing through her hair. Even at his lack of response, she didn't allow her smile to fall, waiting patiently.
At her preserving warmth, he allowed his shoulders to drop, a soft expression replacing his hardened look. "It is."
She nodded her head to the edge of the engawa. "Want to sit with me?"
Kousuke hesitated, looking at her, before glancing to the edge she was gesturing to. He frowned as he thought about it, seeming as though he wanted to, but was restraining himself.
She was unsure why he was acting so strange around her, but she wasn't going to force it out of him. If he felt comfortable sharing what was troubling him she would be willing to listen, but things usually didn't go well when someone was forced into explaining themselves. Whatever was on his mind, most likely related to the incident at the Uchiha hideout, she knew it was a sensitive topic for him to act like this.
Asami didn't say anything more or pressure him, instead of going over to sit at the edge as she usually did, legs hanging off the side. She grimaced, making a noise of discomfort as she leaned back, hand held to her stomach.
Kousuke stared at her back, unmoving, the chirping of birds and distant noises of the compound filling the silence between them. Asami didn't say anything else, looking out at the yard.
A few seconds passed, before he let out a deep sigh, coming over and sitting down beside her.
Kousuke didn't turn to look at her, and Asami didn't say anything, patiently waiting. She knew if he wanted to say something to her he would, and she wasn't going to force it out of him.
Asami hoped he wasn't blaming himself for anything that happened. If he was it would be such a silly thing to beat himself up over. Asami's carelessness was the reason she was injured, not him. He was preoccupied with his own fight and Asami looked away. It was common sense to never look away from the enemy, but she almost arrogantly so deemed the injured man not a threat and that was to her detriment. None of that was his fault.
Though maybe that wasn't even something he was upset over. All she had were her assumptions until he told her himself.
"If I tell you what's wrong, you won't think of me less, will you?" Asked Kousuke suddenly, turning to face her.
Asami turned to meet his gaze, blinking in surprise at the vulnerable look on his face. It was an expression she had never seen from him in her life. Black eyes filled with fear and vulnerability, brows bunched and lips turned into a frown. He was afraid of his own emotions and how she would respond to them.
She wasn't sure she liked seeing such a serious, pained expression on him.
"Of course not." She responded, doing her best to sound as reassuring as possible. "Why would I?"
"Maybe because I'm being irrational." He shrugged, frown deepening as he looked away from her. "You're fine, aren't you?"
Asami furrowed her brows, not sure what he was saying. "I am?"
Kousuke let out a dry laugh, shaking his head. "No, I'm saying you're fine, yet I'm still agonizing over the fact that you… you almost weren't."
Asami felt a stab in her chest at this, staring at him in shock. That's what this was about?
It was never an easy thing for those you cared about to be in a dangerous situation, and she knew that Kousuke cared about her as a friend, but the way he was so distraught over the possibility of her death was… unexpected. She had no idea that he cared about her so much.
Kouske looked down at his hands, trembling. He swallowed hard, before letting out a noise sounding like a combination of a laugh and wheeze, the color draining from his face as his eyes went out of focus. "I can still see your blood all over my hands… I scrubbed… and scrubbed… but it just wouldn't come off."
Asami's stomach dropped, feeling sick at the distress he was displaying.
The shaking got worse, a sense of desperation in his tone as he tried to explain himself. "It just wouldn't go away. Blood doesn't phase me anymore, not after all the people I've killed and the battles I've fought in. I've been covered in the blood of my allies, hell, even children… but never… never yours."
He continued to stare down at his hands, the shaking almost aggressive now, his breathing shallow. His voice came out quiet and strained, as though he was doing everything in his power to prevent it from cracking. "I had never been that scared in my life."
Kousuke didn't look at her, eyes still unfocused as if he was somewhere else, far away from where they sat side by side on the engawa.
She didn't like seeing him like this. This was a side to him she had never encountered before, the raw fear and desperation at the thought of her fatality was… unsettling. She didn't understand why the thought of her death affected him so, but she wasn't going to question or berate it. She just wanted him to be okay. She didn't want him to suffer at what could have been when she was alive and well.
Asami reached out, placing her hands in his. Kousuke's trembling came to a stop at her stability, eyes focusing on the tops of her hands that were covering his, the image of his bloody palms leaving his mind's eye. He looked up slowly, eyes becoming watery at the sight of her gentle expression.
"It's all right," Asami said simply, though even with her few words, he felt himself being calmed. She smiled at him, trying to give him as much comfort as possible in his distraught state, especially when it was over her well-being. "I'm here…. you feel me, don't you? I'm here, not my blood. I'm okay."
She allowed her palms to rest against his, refusing to look away from him, trying to emphasize her point. "I'm not going anywhere, I promise."
Kousuke stared at her, eyes softening at her gesture. Tears threatened to fall from his eyes as he maintained her gaze, but she could tell he was determined to not let them out. She didn't allow her gentle expression to fall, her palms still pressed to his as he tried not to cry.
"I do," he said, bunching his brows as a few tears slid down his cheeks, fighting a losing the battle of letting his emotions get the best of him. "I feel you."
Asami didn't say anything about his crying. She knew it was a lot for him to do something like that, especially when there was a tendency among their clan members to practice stoicism. Herself included. She was touched by his ability to trust her so with emotions so personal and vulnerable. Especially when those fears and emotions concerned her. It was almost overwhelming, her chest swelling as tears continued to slide down his cheeks.
"Can I hug you?" He asked suddenly, the question making her eyes go wide.
Asami blinked slowly, though she didn't answer his question right away. She was surprised by the sudden request, as she had already given him much more affection than she had anyone, especially a member of the opposite gender that was not part of her family. She didn't even hug her cousins often, but… who was she to deny someone a hug when they were crying over the fear of her death?
"I… I suppose," she said slowly, cheeks turning pink.
Kousuke scooted closer and wrapped an arm around her neck, the side of his head against hers. He sniffed, continuing to cry, and she could feel his tears dripping onto the shoulder of her shirt. Even in his distraught state, he was very careful to not force her to move or touch her injury.
Slowly, Asami reached her arms up, wrapping them around his neck. As she did so, he seemed to cry even harder, but she still didn't say anything about it, allowing him to let it all out.
"You better keep your promise about not going anywhere," he murmured next to her, his voice quiet.
Asami knew it wasn't a promise she could genuinely keep, as there were always forces out of her control and plenty of people who wanted her dead. Death would come for her even if she didn't want to go, just as it had taken everyone else, ripping them from their lives and leaving their loved ones behind to pick up the pieces. She knew the promise was meaningless in the grand scheme of things.
Even so, she knew that was not something Kousuke needed to hear. He had to know it was not a realistic promise she could keep. It was a childlike wish, but it was something she could pretend to keep. Something she could agree to, even if she knew her words wouldn't do much.
"I promise." She said back, her chest aching as he continued to hold onto her, as though if he loosened his hold at all, she would disappear.
Kousuke left a little while after that, Asami reassuring him that she wasn't going anywhere. He was in desperate need of a change of clothes and sleep. He had gone through the same ambush as she, so it wasn't as though she was the only one in need of rest. The distinct bags under his eyes were enough to prove Kousuke needed some sleep.
She sat alone now off the engawa, the silence appreciated after the excitement she had been through.
Asami had been in dangerous situations before, but never to the extent where she almost lost her life. She had teetered far closer to the line of death than she ever had before, and how close she was to crossing that line was still unsettling.
She wasn't hysterical about her brush with death. Maybe her lack of heightened emotion was only because she hadn't fully accepted how close she came to it, but she wasn't sure that was the truth.
The reactions of those she loved were more upsetting to her than the thought of her own death. She never anticipated Kousuke would have such a strong reaction, and even Madara had shocked her with his eagerness to dote over her like a mother duckling as he ushered her back into her room, worried about the possibility of her straining her wound.
She hadn't anticipated it, but their reactions only reinstalled the need to stay alive. Not because she feared death, or what she would be losing if she were to die, but because she didn't want to leave the ones she cared about in the aftermath. She didn't want to leave those she loved with gaping holes, shaking hands, and tear-stained faces. She didn't want to be the cause of their pain.
Too often did she think about the emptiness her sister and father had left behind. Sometimes she would feel the ache for her mother, but the people who had a real presence in her life took part of her with them when they died. Her sister and father had left her with missing pieces that she was sure would never be filled again.
Those who died did not only leave this life, but they took a piece of everyone who loved them into the afterlife as well.
She didn't want to do that. She didn't want to be the cause of more gaping holes and empty spaces for those she cared about. There were enough people who had died and taken parts of others with them. Too many empty homes, too many empty rooms, and too many graves. She didn't want to add to it.
"Asami?"
She looked over her shoulder, hand pressed to the surface of the engawa. She grimaced at the twisting motion, a dull throb in her lower stomach. Her grimace evaporated at the sight of both her cousins standing in the doorway of her room, surprised they had returned so soon.
Izuna didn't say anything, mouth opening and closing as he looked at her. Madara clamped a hand on his brother's shoulder and cast him a knowing look, before his eyes trailed over to meet Asami's gaze, giving her a gentle smile. Izuna wasn't paying attention to him though, eyes trained on his younger cousin.
Asami tilted her head, giving Izuna a smile of her own, feeling guilty once again at how everyone was reacting once they saw her awake. "I'm sorry for the scare I gave you."
Izuna let out an unintelligible noise, pressing his hands to his face. His voice was muffled as he spoke, Madara looking at him in amusement. "You are such a cheeky little brat."
Asami made a face. Why was Izuna acting as though she had done something wrong?! She was quick to respond, practically deflating. "I only apologized to you!"
Izuna's hands slid off of his face, eyes narrowing at her. "You almost die and you apologize to me?! Something is wrong with you."
"What a nice way to speak to someone after they had a brush with death." Mused Madara, still finding his younger brother's reaction entertaining.
Izuna gave his brother a look, letting him know he was less than thrilled. He didn't think this was funny at all, and he wasn't keen on how Madara was taking joy in his distressed state. He didn't like how Madara continued to remain unaffected by Asami's nonchalant nature, or her tendency to brush off her own safety. He couldn't understand why Madara didn't reprimand her for it.
Madara didn't pay him any mind though, crossing his arms and giving him a smirk. People often thought Madara was the one to be more protective, but truthfully, Izuna was the one to dote more than Madara or Asami.
Asami resisted the urge to smile at both of them, finding the interaction entertaining. Maybe even more so than Madara did. She and Madara did have a tendency to gang up on Izuna, but Izuna had a tendency to push other people's buttons for entertainment, so he deserved to get it dished back to him sometimes.
Izuna gave Madara a nasty look, but he didn't even flinch, his smirk only growing. Izuna walked over to Asami, eager to get away from his annoying older brother. He stepped onto the engawa, placing a hand on top of her head once he reached her. The playful irritation in his expression became serious, a genuine look in his eyes as he spoke to her.
"I'm glad you're safe," He frowned, running his hand over the top of her head, before letting it rest on the back of her hair.
Asami looked up at him, finding herself leaning back into his comforting touch. His gaze softened at the innocent look she stared up at him with, overcome with a pain in his chest as the image of her bloody body flashed in his mind. "You're right. You really did give me a scare. Not sure I can say much for him though."
Izuna shot another look over his shoulder, Madara giving him a deadpan look.
"Of course I was worried for her." Madara became annoyed, the playfulness sliding off his face at the accusation. His hair seemed to bristle as he let out a huff. "You were the one who was doting over her more than anyone else. Asked the healers more questions about when she would wake up than Kousuke-kun did."
"It's only because I care." Izuna's said, offended. "I didn't ask that many questions anyway."
"Oh really?" Madara raised a brow, arms still crossed firmly against his chest. "I'm sure if we went to ask Momoko-chan she would have something much different to say."
"That's beside the point," Izuna said, quick to change the subject. He looked down at Asami, narrowing his eyes at her. "You're to never come back from a mission in that dire of a condition again, understood? You were on the brink of death."
Asami sighed, maintaining eye contact with her cousin. Even at her exasperated response, Izuna's firm gaze didn't waver, trying to make a point of how serious he was. He wasn't going to just let it go.
How many more times was she going to be asked to make a promise she couldn't keep?
"All right," Asami forced herself to give him a small smile, trying to make herself sound as reassuring as possible. Even though she was less than thrilled at what Izuna was asking of her, he seemed satisfied by her response.
He gave her a smile, his hand smoothing over her hair again, before he let it fall to his side. "I'm going to go make sure dinner is prepared so we can eat together for your first meal awake. The healers gave specific instructions that you needed a protein-heavy diet to regain your strength. Kasumi-san dropped off some dinner for us to help out."
Asami was a little surprised by the gesture, but it made sense. Kasumi's husband was an important figure in their clan and Asami had known Kousuke all her life. She liked the woman well enough and appreciated it. She made a mental note to thank her whenever she saw her again.
Izuna turned and walked across the room, stopping in the doorway to say something to Madara in a low voice. Asami watched in mild confusion, meeting Madara's gaze as Izuna spoke to him, the older brother listening with furrowed brows and lips pressed into a thin line. Madara nodded his head, before Izuna walked out of the room to get their dinner set up.
Madara stood unmoving after Izuna left, maintaining Asami's gaze.
She furrowed her brows, wondering why he had suddenly gone silent now that it was the two of them. She hoped this wouldn't be another rundown similar to what had gone on with Kousuke earlier that day. She didn't regret comforting him, but she wasn't sure she could endure it again, especially if the one she was comforting was her older cousin.
Madara slid the door shut, Asami's confusion going through the roof at the action. He looked up, sighing idly. "I'm not going to ask the impossible of you."
Asami blinked, unsure what he was referring to. She assumed he was talking about Izuna's request for her to not show up at the compound as a bloody mess, but she was unsure without the clarification. "What do you mean?"
Madara came over, sitting on the engawa beside her. He rested his hands on his knees, facing the yard. Asami turned to face the yard as well, furrowing her brows as she waited for his response. He was quiet, thinking over his words before he spoke.
"Izuna asked you to not come back from a mission as a bloody mess again, but we both know that's out of your control." Madara frowned, eyes focused on the swaying vegetation in the backyard. The spring breeze blew through his hair, spiky strands brushing against his cheeks. He turned to look at her. "Not that I enjoyed seeing you like that."
She immediately felt guilty again. "I'm sorry."
He shook his head. "No, you don't need to apologize for anything. I'm very sure you didn't intend to get stabbed. No one intends to become injured."
Asami wasn't sure what she was supposed to say. She appreciated he wasn't forcing her to promise something she couldn't be guaranteed to keep. After Kousuke and now Izuna asked that of her, it left a lot of pressure on her shoulders. She needed to stay alive for those she loved and she had no desire to die, but there was no way to prevent her death if it happened. It was out of her control.
She didn't like the meaningless words for reassurance. She said them anyway since she knew the words were for their sake, not hers, but it still made her feel guilty, as though she was lying.
"Did you know that there were five of us once?" Asked Madara suddenly, drawing Asami from her thoughts.
"Five of you?" She reiterated, making sure she heard him right. The question was sudden, and she had an idea he was referring to him and the number of siblings he had, but she was unsure.
"Yes," he said, shoulders stiffening. A pained expression crossed his features, brows bunching and lips turning down into a frown. "There were not always four of us, but five. Izuna, myself, then Kano and Wataru were not the only children."
Asami didn't know where this was going, but she didn't say anything, not wanting to interrupt him as he spoke about a sensitive topic. She never knew there was another sibling, as Kano and Wataru were the only other siblings she knew. She had grown up with Madara, Izuna, and the twin boys, so learning there was another person she never met was a strange thought. Why had it never been mentioned?
"When I was a little boy, a few years after Izuna was born, my mother gave birth to a baby girl." He paused, humming quietly as he thought back on it. "I don't think I had ever seen my father be so infatuated with another until my sister was born. My mother was overjoyed at having a little girl too, especially after she had been given two sons already. Though she was very tiny, much smaller than most baby girls were. They were concerned at her size, but passed it off as nothing."
A baby girl? Asami had never heard this before, as it had been something they never mentioned. In a way, it made sense, since if this little girl was not alive today, then something less than pleasant must have happened to her. It was probably a topic they didn't like to discuss.
Asami wondered if she would have been friends with this girl if she had lived to today.
"I remember my aunt, your mother, visiting and talking about how excited she was to have children of her own, cooing over my sister. She was hoping for daughters too, secretly, even though she probably should have been expressing a desire for sons." He continued, seeming a little amused at the thought. He tipped his head back, looking up at the evening sun, it beginning to dip below the horizon.
Asami wasn't offended at the comment about desiring sons. It was something she had heard plenty of times and was unfazed. The desire for sons didn't change that she was here now anyway. It wasn't as though they could stuff her back up her mother and hope they would get a boy instead.
"I remember holding her. I must have been no more than five, but I still remember holding her tiny body." He furrowed his brows, seeing the image of his younger self holding a bundle in his arms. "Her small size was not something my parents should have overlooked, but even if they had paid it more mind, our clan's healers were not proficient enough to handle it. She passed within a couple of weeks of being born."
Asami blinked slowly, mouth agape at the words coming from him. She was unexplainably horrified at the story and that he seemed to remember it so vividly. The death of his sister must have been something that really stuck with him over the years.
Madara turned to give her a sad smile, closing his eyes. "I remember Izuna crying for days. He was just over three years old, he barely understood where our sister had gone when we just got her. I think he remembers her, though not much."
Asami still hadn't said anything, wondering why he was telling her such a sad story after the heavy emotions she had to shift through today already. As though he was reading her mind, he wrapped up his explanation, the sad smile shifting into one that was bittersweet, a sense of gentleness to it.
"The reason I tell you this, is because about a year later you and Hana were born." Madara leaned over, hands still resting on his knees. "I had this overwhelming desire to protect you and Hana. Not only as my family, but as I had just lost my sister, I didn't even want to entertain the thought of you two dying as well. My aunt died in a messy, complicated birth, meaning both of you had a close brush with death before you had barely entered the world. It was already dangerous for you two."
She was so moved by the thought that Madara was barely even six, yet he was overcome with a desire to protect her and Hana as though they were his siblings. She didn't even think she should be compared to his real sister, whose time in this world was much too short, but she was still touched the thought was present in his mind.
"I'm not only telling you this because I trust you, and because it's a part of our family I want you to know about, but because I care for you very much." Madara met her gaze, the raw emotion in his eyes something that made Asami feel overcome with her own. "You may not be my sister by blood, but that doesn't change the fact I consider you to be just as much of my sibling as Izuna."
She took in a deep breath, her chest swelling as he continued to look at her in all seriousness. She always thought of her cousins as her brothers, especially after she had been moved into the main household, but to hear it from him was something else entirely.
"I was afraid you would die when Kousuke-kun brought you back, but you didn't. After Hana's death, I was scared you would follow suit, and I thought this would be the thing that took you like the others," Madara gave her a closed-eye smile, though she could feel the apprehension in his voice as he spoke. "I should have known you were made out of tougher stuff, though."
Asami felt as though she was going to cry. After everyone worrying about her throughout the day and having to deal with other people's tears, it seemed it was now her turn.
She leaned forward, wrapping her arms around his neck as she pressed her face into his shoulder, trying not to let the tears fall. "Thank you."
She wasn't all that sure what she was thanking him for, but it was the only way she could think to express her gratitude for his confession. For her to know Madara considered her to be his sister as much as she considered him her brother… she couldn't begin to put her emotions into words.
Slowly, Madara's arms came up and he embraced her too, careful not to brush up against or stress her wound. He murmured quietly to her, holding her close. "It's only the truth."
They stayed like that until dinner was ready, the comfort of her older cousin enough for her to ward off the tears.