AN: Hello! Just to let you know I won't be updating next week. I have some things for the plot I need to smooth out, but after that, we should be back on schedule. Additionally, I got a comment asking what the goal of the story is since it does seem a bit 'slice of life' right now. All I can say is that the seemingly smooth road is not going to last much longer and stuff is going to pick up pace much faster now. I suppose you could think of this first half as a prologue? FYI don't forget I have a Discord now! The invite is here: /bhkz2mv5Vj
The next few days proceeded as they usually would after a large battle. Funerals, delivering bad news to the living family members, and getting wounds taken care of. The healers were still busy tending to those who had a longer recovery process ahead, but after a few days, things were beginning to return to normal. Or what could be considered normal, since life would never be the same for those with empty spots at their dining tables.
Asami was fine and made it out unscathed compared to many others. She did have trouble sleeping—she would find herself rolling over and pressing on the stab wounds in just the right spot for her to wake up in pain. But that was a small price to pay in comparison to people who didn't come home at all. She could put up with some discomfort for a while.
Dressed in a black yukata, Asami walked down the hall heading towards the dining room. She could hear Madara and Izuna talking over breakfast, but she had just gotten up and got dressed, so she hadn't gotten the chance to leave her room and join the world yet.
She turned the corner, coming up on an open door leading into the eating area. Madara sat on the opposite side of Izuna, his eyes downcast as he read over a scroll. Izuna was eating a bowl of rice and vegetables, another bowl full of food placed next to him.
Asami came over to the table, Izuna turning his attention to her. Madara continued to read, engrossed in the contents of the scroll.
Izuna gave her a smile, "Good morning."
"Good morning," She replied. She glanced at Madara, before pointing to the bowl next to Izuna. "Is this for me?"
Izuna gave the bowl a gentle push, nodding his head. "Yeah, I figured you were going to be up soon so I made you breakfast too."
"Ah," Asami came over and dropped next to him, beginning to eat. "Thank you."
Izuna didn't say anything else, eating his food. He took a few bites, before giving her a look out of the corner of his eye. Asami could feel him looking at her, but she didn't jump to acknowledge it. Izuna could just be… weird sometimes, so it could have been he was thinking about something unrelated and looking at her.
But after a few move glances, she turned her head, giving him a strange look. "What are you doing?" She asked
Izuna stared back at her, blinking slowly. Asami didn't relax her face, still giving him a strange look. Noticing the interaction, Madara slowly lowered his scroll and looked between the both of them as the silence continued to settle in the room. It was just awkward.
"What are you doing, Izuna?" Asked Madara, raising a brow at him.
Izuna hummed, leaning back and lowering his hand holding his chopsticks against the table. He looked to Madara, meeting his gaze, before glancing at Asami again. He paused carefully as though he was figuring out the delivery of what he was going to say.
"Today is your birthday, you know." He said finally, eyes not straying from her face. "You're seventeen now."
Asami suddenly felt sick, her hand dropping to the surface of the table. She wasn't even sure how to respond, her brain unable to form words. She looked at the grain of the wooden table as her mouth felt dry.
Today was her birthday. She hadn't even realized that…. today was her first birthday alone. With the battle and the aftermath of it, she hadn't had any time to think about her upcoming birthday. Her life lately had been fast-paced to the point where her days became jumbled, so it had totally slipped her mind.
Asami had shared a birthday with someone else her entire life, and today was the first birthday of many where she wouldn't be growing older with Hana. Hana would be sixteen forever, and Asami would continue to age.
"Izuna," Madara said sharply, glaring at his brother from across the table.
Izuna frowned, furrowing his brows as he met his older brother's eyes. "I wasn't trying to say anything that would upset her. I didn't think she actually forgot!"
"I don't think I'm hungry anymore," Asami stood up, a pit growing in her stomach. She glanced at her younger cousin, who just looked ashamed for the way he brought it up. "You didn't do anything wrong, Izuna. It's all right." She assured.
Madara continued to glare at Izuna, but Izuna was only looking more ashamed by the second as Asami turned and left them alone at the table.
"Why would you ever think it was a good idea to say that," Madara gave him a flat look, unimpressed with his brother's lack of tact.
Izuna sighed, pressing his hand to the side of his face. "I don't even know. I was just surprised she actually… forgot."
"There's been a lot going on lately, so I'm not surprised she's forgotten. But you can't say mindless things like that, especially when it's about Hana. She still hasn't gone into Hana's room… why would processing her birthday that she shared with her twin be any easier?" Madara could feel a tension headache coming on, furrowing his brows as he tried to process just how mindless Izuna's comment had been.
"You better fix that," He added, gathering up the scrolls he had been reading. "You know how she gets. Need to nip it in the bud before it gets too out of hand."
Izuna sighed, looking down at his half-eaten breakfast. "Yes, I hear you. I'll talk to her and make sure she's okay."
Asami stood outside of Hana's room, the pit in her stomach growing by the second.
She knew Hana wasn't inside of her room, but it was still easier to pretend. Asami knew she had been lying to herself—telling herself that Hana was still alive, she just couldn't see her or touch her. It was like she was on a vacation far, far away. She came to the realization already, but it didn't mean she had accepted it or done anything to change it.
There was no acceptance that her sister was actually gone. It was easier to just put it out of her mind… if she didn't think about it, it always made it easier. Asami wasn't sure she would ever be able to make peace with it… but today was different.
Today was a genuine slap in the face—Hana wasn't going to grow older with her. Hana would be sixteen forever, and Asami would continue to age without her. That was not something she could avoid or make up little fantasies to pretend it wasn't true. Hana was dead and nothing would change that. Every year her birthday rolled around there would be a reminder that her sister was no longer alive.
Asami squeezed her eyes shut, her chest overcome with a deep sense of pain. Tears pricked at her eyes at the starling thought that her sister was just dead. Gone. Pretending was only hurting her, giving her this weird sense of hope that maybe someday somewhere, she would see Hana again.
Asami opened her eyes, staring at the paper of the shoji door her face was mere inches from. She took a deep breath, slowly raising her hand to slide it open. The little voice in the back of her mind was screaming at her to turn and walk away—to let her live in the comfortable fantasy, even if it was just a little bit longer.
She knew she couldn't though. Hana wouldn't want her to continue living like this. To pretend she was all right, and keep making these mistakes at the expense of others. She was being selfish by living in fantasies.
Placing her hand on the door, she slid it open, her entire body going cold at the sight of the dusty, dark room.
Slowly, Asami took a step inside, her throat feeling tight as she continued into the room.
There was a neat stack of clothes off to the side, presumably what Hana was intending to wear the rest of the week. Her few houseplants were dead and wilted, uncared for. There weren't many things lying around, most of her possessions put back in their places.
It didn't mean it felt any less empty though.
Asami walked over to Hana's vanity table, running her hand over the surface of it. She picked her hand up and grimaced at the sheen of dust on her fingertips, a distinct line where she had dragged her hand on the vanity. She wiped her hand against the side of her yukata, looking around the room with a frown.
Maybe she wasn't sure what she was expecting. There was no climactic moment as she stood in the center of what was once her sister's room. There was only emptiness. More spaces where her sister should have been filling, but she wasn't any longer. A room consisting of things her sister would never use again, a bed her sister would never sleep in again, and a vanity her sister would never sit at again.
Tears pricked at her eyes and she raised her sleeve to wipe at them. She sniffed, the feeling of pain still lingering in her chest.
She just really missed her—more than anything.
Wiping her reddening cheeks, Asami took another look around the dark room.
Hana wouldn't have wanted her to be crying like this, standing in her empty room on their birthday, would she?
No, Asami didn't think she would have wanted that at all.
Asami took a deep breath, gripping at the sides of her yukata, before urging her to take a few steps forward. Then some more, before she reached the door leading to the engawa off Hana's room. With another breath, Asami pushed the door open, the bright spring light pouring into the room.
She turned around and folded her arms across her chest, her eyes drifting from the dusty table to the untouched futon, before lingering on the stack of clothes again.
Asami was going to fix this.
And she did, taking a discarded cleaning rag from one of Hana's drawers and wiping down the vanity, before moving on to putting away the stacked clothes and dragging out her dirty ones from a bin in the closet. She took the dead houseplants out of the room and replaced them with new ones from the garden. Asami really did anything she could to make the room seem as though it had been lived in, and wasn't some dreary place that was a reminder of something painful.
She had done a good job of putting the room back together again, and it wasn't until she was sorting through Hana's vanity that she came across a collection of hairpins.
Most of them had flower-themed designs to them, or something having to do with nature in general. Hana had worn them often, especially before she cut her hair. She used them to pin her hair back when she worked in her garden usually. Asami had forgotten all about them.
Asami sat on the stool placed at the vanity, looking down at the pins in the palm of her hand. She ran her fingers over a more specific one—a pretty gold pin with a small, red Lilly on the end of it. Hana wore this one more than the others and Asami could pick out distinct moments when her sister tied her hair back with it—the others not so much.
She set the collection of hairpins on the table and looked into the vanity mirror, before pulling back a section of her hair and twisting it into a small bun. She slid the pin into the newly formed knot, leaving some of it loose still and her bangs on either side of her face.
Asami hadn't really spent time with things like this, usually pulling her hair into a braid if she was to do something more with her hair than leave it loose. But she knew Hana liked these pins, and Hana would make a habit of tying her hair back with them. Maybe it was silly, but using the pin Hana kept with her most was… comforting.
It didn't mean she knew what to do with the other pins though. She doubted she would ever use them and they would just end up collecting dust in one of her drawers. Perhaps she could keep them anyway just as a keepsake for her sister, but she didn't think that was doing them justice. She was sure Hana would have wanted them to be put to use if they could.
Gathering the pins in her hand, Asami stood up and took another look around the room.
She brought herself to smile softly, even though the pain in her chest didn't waver.
Just as Madara said—the dead didn't want their loved ones to linger over them and wither away at their expense. Asami didn't want to disappoint Hana by doing that.
Asami turned to walk out of the room, making a noise of surprise as she almost bumped into Izuna who stood in the hallway.
Izuna looked from her, blinking slowly, before his eyes trailed around the neat room. There was a look of confusion on his face as he tried to put the pieces together, dumbstruck that Asami was standing in her sister's room. It was no secret between him and his brother that their little cousin was avoiding Hana's room like the plague. It wasn't as though he didn't want her in there. The sight was just… shocking.
Asami held the pins against her chest, grimacing at Izuna as he continued to look at the room with glazed eyes. After another bout of silence, she cleared her throat, his eyes dropping to her at the noise.
"Can I… get around you?" She nodded her head, urging him to move.
Finally, Izuna spoke, brows furrowed as he carefully thought through how he was to wade through this conversation after the one at breakfast. He didn't want to make the same mistake twice.
"Where are you going?" He asked, still not moving.
"I'm going to Kousuke-kuns." Said Asami, frowning.
She could tell he was hesitant to step on any toes after the bomb he dropped on her, but she didn't want him to be like that. She didn't want her cousins to have to feel uncomfortable around her because they feared they would upset her.
This was exactly what she meant about her own emotions causing issues for other people. It really was getting out of hand. Izuna was able to comfort people, and the way he randomly told her that it was her birthday was comparable to a slap in the face, but it's not as though he meant to hurt her. She was being too sensitive, and her grief was affecting her cousins. It needed to stop.
"I see," Izuna replied, still giving her a careful look. "Are you all right?"
Asami took a deep breath, before slowly reaching out to place a hand on her cousin's arm. Izuna stiffened at the contact, afraid that he had once again pushed a button he was unaware of. But she only gave him a gentle look, the pain and grief showing through her expression despite the softness of it.
"I'm not okay—but I will be," Asami dropped her arm, Izuna only frowning at her now. She raised the hairpins, his eyes dropping to the accessories as she gave them a little wave. "I just have some things I'd like to take care of. I'll be back for dinner at least." She said, trying to come up with anything to make him feel more assured.
Izuna stared at her in silence for a moment, before finally stepping to the side, allowing her to pass despite his hesitant expression. Asami forced herself to give him a small smile, before turning down the hall and heading out the front door, leaving Izuna alone in front of Hana's cleaned room, the warm spring sun shining inside.
Asami found herself in front of Kousuke's house after knocking, looking around idly at the front yard as she waited for someone to get the door. After a few seconds of standing there, she began to wonder if showing up randomly was the best idea after all.
She didn't actually know if anyone was home. Kasumi, Kousuke's mother, usually was, but who knows if she decided to go out to see her sisters or do something else entirely. There really wasn't a lot of forethought here. It was a bit embarrassing to realize that as she stood outside of their home that could very well be empty.
There was a sudden squawk and the shriek of a young girl, making Asami look over in surprise. She wasn't sure what she expected to see, but Mei running after a fluffy chicken from the backyard was not one of them.
"Nii-chan! You left the gate unlocked again!" She cried, chasing the chicken around the corner of the house and into the front by the porch steps.
Asami blinked owlishly, watching as Mei began to corner the chicken against the side of the house. Her arms were spread wide as she tried to make herself seem large, inching slowly toward the bird. Asami raised a hand to her mouth, trying to stifle an amused smile at how serious the thirteen-year-old looked. It was cute.
Though with all these chicken stories she had been hearing lately, she really wondered how irresponsible Kousuke was. How many times had he gotten into trouble because of the birds? But she couldn't lie—was funny hearing about it. Though maybe not so much for the escapee chicken that just wanted a chance at freedom.
There was a loud groan of frustration and Kousuke walked around to the front, another chicken tucked under his arm. Its legs kicked at the air every so often trying to find ground to make another escape attempt. He wore the most pitiful expression she had ever seen from him, a white feather sticking out of his wild curly hair as he looked down at the chicken as though it betrayed him.
"I swore I closed the gate, I don't know what happened!" Kosuke glared at the chicken. "I hate you."
"Aha!" Mei darted for the chicken, scooping it up in her arms before it could slip away. She squished the bird against her chest, the bird laying limp as though it had given up. She only grinned. "Got the last one though! Now Kaa-san won't ever have to know."
Asami cleared her throat, the two siblings slowly looking up at her, the chickens in each of their arms seeming to feel the embarrassment just as much as them.
Mei's face exploded into one of pure joy, "Asami-nee! I didn't know you were here!"
Asami laughed softly at her sudden excitement, "That's because I just got here. Though it seems as though I may be intruding on… something you have going on." Her gaze drifted to Kousuke, who just looked embarrassed, his cheeks turning a darker shade of pink as she looked at him.
Asami couldn't help the amused smile as she gestured to the kicking chicken tucked under his arm. "Another chicken debacle, hm? Seems like they just cause you a lot of issues."
Kousuke looked between her and the chicken dumbly as though he didn't know what to say. He rubbed at the side of his head, seeming as though he wanted to look anywhere but at her. "Uh, yeah… really dumb, right? The chickens just like to run away, not my fault that they can't be happy with what they have. We treat them really well, don't we, Mei-Mei?"
Mei didn't look pleased with his use of the pet name, giving him a deadpan look. She walked over to her brother and dumped her chicken into his arms, his hand flying down from his head to quickly catch it. Kousuke grunted, eyes going wide as he quickly secured his hold on the bird so it wouldn't get away again.
"Put them away and I'll take Asami-nee inside," Mei gave him a pointed look as she climbed the porch steps and grabbed ahold of Asami's free hand. "Don't drop them either! I won't help you catch them again if you do." She added, Kousuke only scowling at her as Asami and Mei disappeared inside.
Both the girls took off their shoes and Mei led Asami down the hall into a little sitting area near the kitchen. It was smaller than the one in the main family's home, but that was a given. Hotaru, Kousuke's father, may have been an advisor, but Asami lived with the clan head, so her home did have a few more amenities to it.
Not that Asami thought the lack of space was a bad thing. She found it to feel cozier, every nook and cranny with some kind of evidence that a family lived there. It wasn't messy, but the clothes draped over different pieces of furniture and random books lying about made it feel like it was really lived in.
"Do you want anything to drink?" Asked Mei, opening the side door to the engawa to let in some light.
Asami hummed, dropping onto one of the navy blue cushions on the ground beside a low-rise square table. She gave the young girl an appreciative smile, finding it cute how she was trying to play hostess. "I'm all right, but thank you. I actually came here to give you something." She said, pulling the pins out and setting them on the table.
Mei turned around, blinking slowly at the sight of the hair accessories. She came over and sat down beside her to get a good look at the pins, running her fingers over the pretty designs in awe.
"They're so pretty…" Mei picked one of them up, running her thumb over the small monarch butterfly on the end of it. She held the pin close to her face as she examined it closely, before looking at Asami. "But… you don't mean to give these to me, do you? These look expensive and I'm afraid I'd break them."
Asami shook her head, "I want you to have these. They were my sisters and I was going through her things today—"
Mei shook her head, suddenly horrified at the thought of taking them. She set it down and pushed it away from herself back into the pile of the other pins, "Then there's no way I could take them. I would feel horrible taking something that belonged to her! You should keep them. I don't deserve these!" She cried, gesturing to them in panic.
Asami shook her head and took Mei's hand, smiling softly. Mei only frowned at her but didn't say anything else, willing to hear Asami out for whatever reason she could have for wanting to give away her sister's things. Asami could understand why Mei's first instinct would be to turn away such a gift, but Asami really wanted her to have them.
"I'm going to keep one of them," Asami began, turning her head slightly to show Mei the Lilly pin in her hair. She continued to hold Mei's hand, gesturing to the collection of accessories with her other hand. "But I can't wear pins like these often since they'd probably get lost in battle or on missions. You would get a lot more use out of them—I'd hate to see something my sister loved so much get left to collect dust in a drawer. I know you'd take good care of them and put them to good use."
Asami gave Mei a hopeful look, "So, would you please take good care of them? For me?"
Mei looked at them carefully as she thought about it, her face twisted into an apprehensive grimace.
Asami was glad she was taking the time to think about accepting the gift—it showed that Mei really cared and understood what Asami giving her the pins meant. She knew Hana would have approved of her choice to give them to Mei too. Hana was always eager to share her things with people anyway and thought Mei was a sweet girl.
After a long pause, Mei finally looked up from the pins and gave her a nod. "Okay, I'll take them. I promise to take really good care of them too—I know how much they meant to Hana-nee."
Asami felt relieved after she accepted, smiling gratefully at her. "Thank you."
Accepting them meant a lot more than Mei probably knew. Asami had been scared for a moment that Mei was going to refuse the gift out of obligation or to be polite, but she was glad she accepted it after all. It was true that the collection of pins would have just ended up in her drawer to not see the light of day unless she had some high-class event to go to—so they would have probably remained untouched until she got married. She would have hated for that to happen.
Mei picked up one of the pins and turned it over in her hand, nodding slowly. "Of course. I just… I just don't want to do anything to ruin them. I can't help but wonder too… what made you bring them to me today? It seems a bit out of the blue."
Asami looked away, gazing outside at the grass blowing with the gentle breeze off the engawa. She didn't say anything for a moment, wondering how she was to tread through this. She didn't want the subject of her birthday to be a big deal—it already was one since she wouldn't be sharing any more of them with her sister. The less sympathy she got from others today, the better.
Asami looked back at Mei with a soft smile, "No special reason. I just happened to go through her things and thought you would enjoy them. I'm glad you decided to take the pins since as I said, they would just sit unused if you didn't." She explained, copying Mei as she picked one of them up and turned it over as she spoke.
Kousuke walked into the doorway, looking between Asami and his sister. He crossed his arms for a moment, before grimacing and dropping them to his sides as though he was struggling to find something to do with himself. Asami wasn't oblivious to his awkwardness. She found it kind of funny. He was probably upset about being caught in an embarrassing situation with the chickens… again.
Asami looked up at him with an amused smile, raising a brow. "Hello there… no more poultry problems?"
Kousuke gave her a deadpan look. "Yes, everything is fine. You can stop making fun of me now."
Asami didn't let her amused smile fall, Mei snickering at her older brother. She could tell he was embarrassed too.
Kouske came over and sat criss-cross on the other side of the table from Asami and Mei. He eyed the pins with interest, leaning over to pick one up. "These are neat. Hana-chan used to wear these, didn't she?" He asked, holding it close to his face as he gave it a closer look.
"She did," confirmed Asami, a little surprised that he remembered that small detail about her. She gestured to Mei. "I was going through her things today and thought Mei-chan could put it to some good use."
Kousuke looked over the top of the pin at Asami with a steady gaze, searching for any kind of waver in her expression or tone that something was wrong. Asami let out a quiet sigh, closing her eyes for a moment at his look.
It was no secret that Asami had been struggling with the loss of her sister. Kousuke being one of the closest people in her life and his closeness to Hanami, Hana's old best friend, made him extra aware of it too. She knew he was only looking out for her, but the doting wasn't necessary. She was a big girl.
Asami opened her eyes again, the soft and reassuring smile reappearing as she met his intense gaze that was still trained on her. "I just don't want something she loved going unused or laying around wasted. So, I knew Mei-chan would take good care of it." She looked over to Mei, who was practically glowing with pride at how Asami chose her to take care of the pins.
There were other people, like Hanami, who could have taken the pins, but she didn't care much for them. Hanami's hair was usually tied back into a messy braid while working in the bakery. She didn't have much of a use for something like that. Instead, Asami planned to give Hanami Hana's old clothes since that was something the two friends used to bond over. It would have been a much more personal gift than the hair pins.
Asami was sure Hanami would have agreed with giving Mei the hair accessories anyway. Hana really liked Mei.
Kousuke seemed satisfied with her explanation and set the pin down on the table with the other ones. He looked up at his sister. "You said 'thank you', right?"
Mei looked offended. "Of course I did—"
She suddenly stopped talking, horrified as she realized she actually hadn't said thank you at all. She looked over at Asami in alarm, clasping her hands together. "No, I didn't! I didn't even realize that I forgot to say that! I'm so sorry, Asami-nee! Thank you so much for giving me these."
Asami laughed and patted Mei on the top of her head, the girl's eyes squeezed shut in an apologetic wince. "It's all right—no harm done." She reassured, really not thinking much about it.
Kousuke nodded his chin at the bunch of hair accessories on the table before looking up at his sister. "Why don't you go put those in your room, Mei-Mei."
Mei looked between Kousuke and Asami, seeming to get the underlying request for her brother to talk to Asami alone. She nodded and gathered the pins in her hand, flashing Asami one last smile before she scampered out of the room.
As soon as she left, Asami turned to her head and raised a brow at him as if to say, 'well?'.
Kousuke hummed, placing his chin in his hand as he looked at her. He didn't say anything, so Asami only continued to stare back. Was this some kind of staring contest? He was so strange.
Her gaze lifted, eyeing the white feather from the chicken that was still stuck in his hair. She smirked, but his blank expression only shifted to one of confusion at her sudden change of emotion. Asami pulled the feather from his hair and held it between two fingers, her amused smirk only growing. Kousuke blinked, looking at the feather for a moment before he raised a hand to his hair, patting it idly.
"Was that really in there?" He asked, just confused.
"Yes," she said simply, tilting her hand for him to take it from her.
Kousuke did take it, grimacing at the feather, "Very nice."
Asami folded her arms on the table and leaned over to rest her chin on them. She looked up at him expectantly. "So, you seem as though you have something on your mind. I'd probably prefer it if you just came out and said it instead of having a staring contest…"
He set the feather on the table, frowning. "Well… I heard you talking to Mei. You didn't tell her the full truth, did you? There was another reason you were going through Hana-chans stuff today of all days… it's your birthday today."
Asami didn't even pretend to be upset about being found out. She closed her eyes and shrugged, trying to ignore the dull throb in her stomach, "I didn't think there was a point in telling her that. Mei is a sweet girl and doesn't deserve to be upset just because of me. I'm sure it already made her sad that I gave her something belonging to Hana… I didn't want to make it worse." She said.
Kousuke sighed. "You know, Asami-chan, you really don't have to put everyone else before you. It's okay for you to be upset still—you don't have to pretend to be fine. It's your birthday of all days too, one that you and Hana-chan both shared—"
Asami sat up suddenly as though she had been shocked. She frowned at him. "I know I don't have to pretend. I'm just tired of crying and making others around me miserable because of my loss. I don't want to become a problem… and I'm tired of doing things and making mistakes that are already making me a problem. It's all because I just… I can't cope with the loss." She pressed a hand to her face, suddenly having the urge to cry.
Kousuke placed a hand on her bicep, frowning at her. "Hey, listen to me… you don't have to force yourself to move on for the sake of others. I understand you don't want to make unhealthy choices or do things that hurt people you care about. I can't blame you for that at all."
Asami looked up at him with watery eyes as her heart clenched in her chest. He was looking at her intently as his words hit home. She could tell he meant everything he said.
Kousuke paused, watching for her reaction in case he said something that would push her over the edge. When she didn't pull away, he deemed it safe to continue, the hand on her arm not moving. "Pushing yourself and acting okay when you're not is just going to cause more issues down the road. You're going to crack at some point. Maybe not now, but accepting the fact that you hurt… that's the important part. Not just getting over it—because you probably won't ever be 'okay' with the fact your sister died. But you can stop fighting your grief." He said gently, and Asami could feel that he was really hurting for her.
Asami sniffed as she still tried her best to hold back her tears. Kousuke didn't let go of her, hoping his hold gave her some form of comfort, if any, with his words that probably did more than just sting. He wasn't trying to upset her. He just wanted her to know that he saw her hurting and doing things that did more harm than good. He didn't like seeing her suffer.
"Just promise me this," He began again in a soft voice. "Don't let yourself drown because you're worried about becoming a bother. Because you're never too much or a problem."
Asami couldn't help herself now, breaking down into tears. She held her hand to her eyes as she stifled a sob, tears running down her cheeks. She felt embarrassed sitting there crying in front of Kousuke, but she knew he wasn't judging her for anything. He was the one who initiated a heart-to-heart between them anyway—so it was his fault she was like this after all.
Kousuke scooted over and tugged her into his shoulder. Asami didn't resist it, crying onto his yukata and leaving tear stains. He didn't say anything as she cried. He just let her lean against him as she let out all the pain and grief of how she would spend today, and many more birthdays alone.
When Asami calmed down she didn't move, her face still smooshed into his shoulder and his hand on her arm. She was too embarrassed to pull back right away, the leftover hiccups from her crying fit still not subsiding.
"What a birthday this turned out to be, huh?" Said Kousuke suddenly, a twinge of guilt in his voice. "I didn't mean to make you cry or feel worse."
Now that wasn't right at all. Asami didn't want him to feel guilty about her crying… if anything she appreciated his words. They weren't mean or cruel—they were only a show of his concern for her well-being. There was no reason for him to feel bad, and the last thing she wanted was for him to feel guilty.
She shook her head. "No, you were right. I was… pushing things aside to make others feel better. But I was ignoring my grief before and it got me into trouble already, so continuing to do it wouldn't help anything. Don't feel bad for making me cry. It was bound to happen."
Kousuke made a noise of mock offense. "I was bound to make you cry?!"
Asami scoffed and pushed off of him to give an unimpressed look. "Yes, you were bound to make me cry."
Kousuke laughed. "Now you really are making me look like the bad guy."
Asami only laughed at him, wiping at her face idly. She knew that wasn't true—he was anything but.
Asami went back home for dinner after that. She expected to clean up and start helping Izuna with dinner, but instead, she came upon Madara sitting on their front porch, hands resting on his knees and eyes unfocused. He was somewhere else entirely, only blinking back into the world around them as Asami neared him.
"Hey," Asami said, folding her hands in front of her as she approached. She looked him over with tentative eyes, not oblivious to how tense he was. "Are you all right?" She asked.
Madara stared her down with his single black eye underneath his mop of spiky hair, before he turned his head away with a sigh. "I should be asking you that, shouldn't I?"
Asami grimaced at that. Something was really bothering him and she didn't want this to be spun on her. She doubted the topic of Hana's death was what was weighing on him at the moment.
"Enough about me," she said, coming over to sit on the porch beside him. "Something's bothering you. Did you want to talk about it?"
Madara looked at her, an apprehensive grimace on his face. Asami didn't look away, patiently waiting for him to say yes or no. She wasn't going to squeeze any answers out of him, but if he wanted someone to listen she wouldn't refuse him that. She owed him that much at least.
He took a tentative look around to see if there were any lingering people or ears he didn't want listening in on their conversation. As he saw nothing, he turned his attention back to Asami.
"I suppose I am… just thinking about our recent fight with the Senju." He said, resting his hands on his knees.
From an outside perspective, the fight between the Senju and Uchiha looked like a success. But lives were still lost and supplies were still stressed, so truthfully there was never a real win when it came to battle. Asami had a feeling his current distress wasn't about goods or their lost clan members, though.
"The Senju clan leader? Is this about Hashirama?" Asked Asami, her hair swaying as she turned to look at him.
"What makes you ask that?" Madara looked at her suspiciously for the suddenness of her question. He looked as though he was searching for any assumptions he needed to refute, but she couldn't understand why. He was suddenly very on guard after the question that was posed innocently.
Asami gave him a critical stare, not understanding why he was on edge. "Well, you were having screaming matches with him on the battlefield. You heard him out when he was trying to call for peace… even if you didn't follow through, you still stopped and listened to what he had to say. Tajima-sama never did that. Not that Butsuma ever tried to call for peace, but the two of them didn't speak to one another the way you and Hashirama did."
Madara let out a deep sigh, closing his eyes. He raised a hand to his face, rubbing out the lines on his forehead. For being twenty-two, he was already feeling the aging of stress.
"Hashirama and I stumbled upon one another in the woods as children. We didn't know about each other's heritage and decided to play in ignorance to stay friends. It didn't last long since our fathers found out about it and we had to turn against each other." Madara explained, frowning as he recalled the memory. "Hashirama and I shared a pipe dream back then, but he's still living in it. He won't face reality and still thinks our relationship is built on that childhood ignorance."
Asami leaned back in surprise, blinking slowly. Out of everything she expected to hear, learning that Madara had once been friends with Hashirama and played together was not one of them. She didn't understand why she hadn't known about this before, but after a bit of thought, it made sense.
It could have been seen as treason. That Madara was actually some Senju spy—the oldest son of the clan head? That would have been terrible for his reputation. Keeping it hush was in everyone's best interest.
"That's… interesting…" Asami wasn't sure how she was to respond to the new information.
"It doesn't matter now," Madara bushed it off with a wave of his hand, but Asami could tell he was still frustrated, and maybe even a bit sad. "None of it matters. Hashirama is a child in a man's body. He needs to learn that we're not children anymore and our father's responsibilities are now our own. He needs to shape up or the Senju will get ideas he doesn't have his clan's best interest in mind."
Asami raised a brow at her cousin. "That would be in our best interest though, wouldn't it?"
Madara faltered for a moment, her comment catching him off guard. He frowned and stared at her, before a smile small broke out on his face. Though it did seem forced, not reaching his eyes. "Yes, I guess it would be."
Madara got to his feet, gesturing for her to follow him inside. "Now let's go inside and eat. It's still your birthday after all."
Asami took a deep breath, looking out at the front yard.
It was her birthday, and it would continue to be her birthday every year, with or without Hana, wouldn't it? As much as it hurt and as much as she wanted Hana with her, all her wishing wouldn't bring her back. She knew she was hurting. There was no denying it.
Asami stood up and followed after Madara. "Yes, I suppose it is."