Lux couldn't sleep.
There was something odd, about sleeping alone, after spending all those months with Lily, Mary and Marlene. It had taken some getting used to, at first, but now it was almost impossible to drift off into a blissful oblivion without Lily's gentle snores in the background, or the whispers shared between Mary and Marlene.
She wouldn't say she missed the three girls, especially not Lily and her poisoned grapes, but she certainly felt their absence. Not to mention, her mind kept fixating on Snape and her mother and Effie.
Should she tell Fulk what Snape knew? Probably, but she didn't think Fulk would handle it well. He'd rip the boy's head off his neck before he could so much as scream, and while Lux certainly didn't like Snape, she didn't want him dead, either.
And oh, Mary Erzsebet…
Tears pricked at her eyes as she thought about her mother, but she swiftly blinked them away, shaking her head for her foolishness. Why should she mourn someone who had been dead for over three hundred years? She was being ridiculous. She had Fulk — Fulk was all she needed.
Maybe she just needed to stretch her legs. Get some fresh air.
Careful not to wake anybody up, she slipped out of the guest bedroom she was holed up in, and crept down the stairs. She knew the Potter's had a library, so maybe if she could get some reading done, it would help sooth her aching mind.
However, when Lux opened the door to the expansive Potter library, she immediately noticed that she wasn't alone.
"What are you doing here?" Remus groaned, looking up from his book as he stretched his limbs, from where he sat on the couch closest to the door. A dimly lit lamp hovered above him, providing the only source of light in the room, and in that light, she noticed his eyes narrow at her.
"I could ask you the same question." She folded her arms over her chest.
He waved his book in the air. "Reading. Duh."
"I was doing the same." She turned to scan the shelves nearby, trying to ignore the sensation of Remus's gaze on her back. Eventually, her eyes landed upon One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, and she grabbed it. She'd never read the book, but the movie had played on the muggle telly once, back in her and Fulk's home, and she's thoroughly enjoyed it.
"You read Ken Kesey?" Remus asked as she turned back around, and made her way to the couch across from him.
"Not yet. I watched the film though."
He scoffed. "Of course you did."
"I simply haven't had the opportunity to read the book, that's all. I would've if I could've."
"What, they don't have bookstores where you and Ingelger are from?"
She said nothing, simply pressing her lips together and opening the book, loving the smell of the old, mostly untouched paper.
"The book is far better than the film." Remus continued, leaning over to look at her.
She raised an eyebrow.
"The book, it's told from Bromden's perspective. And in the book, Cheswick actually dies — drowns himself in the pool, because of Randle. He wouldn't take a stand against the nurse, so he kills himself."
"Oi, don't tell me that! I don't want it spoiled!" Lux cried.
"Maybe if you read the book before watching the stupid film, as normal person should, you wouldn't have to worry about it."
"I think the movie was brilliant, actually. It truly projects the importance of individualism, versus conformity."
His brow furrowed together. "What are you on about? That's not at all what it's about."
"Yes it is!"
"If you read the book, like you're supposed to, you'd know it was about power imbalance."
"Then why was the ending of the movie Bromden breaking free from the institute? It was to represent how he's an individual, no longer held down to conformity by Ratched, due to Randle's teachings. That was the whole point of Randle's character — despite being a bad person, he was himself."
"And the whole point of Nurse Ratched was to represent the power imbalance she held between her and Billy and the other patients. Again, you would know that if you read the book."
"What does it look like I'm trying to do now?!" She sighed, running a hand through her hair, before slamming the book down on the coffee table. "Never mind. What are you reading, then?"
"Beowulf."
"Of course you'd read Beowulf."
In the dim light, Lux noticed Remus pale. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, it's about as classic and pretentious as you are."
He shifted in his seat on the couch. "I'm pretentious? Have you looked at the bloke you're dating lately?"
"Sirius doesn't argue with me about topics as silly as books versus films. Nor does he spoil said books for me for the fun of it! Or argue with me about the themes of it!"
He simply shrugged, though Lux noticed he seemed a bit on edge, compared to how he had been before Beowulf was mentioned. "I wasn't aware you were so passionate about the themes of some bloody book. Acting like you can personally relate to the concept of lacking individuality or something."
She raised an eyebrow. "Is that some sort of challenge? Because you don't want to play that game, Remus."
He mirrored her expression. "Why not? Am I wrong?
"You don't know shit about me, so don't pretend to." She tossed her hair to the side. "Besides, it isn't like you're any better. How could you possibly relate to power? You're as in the middle as they come. Middle class, middle status…middle looks." The last words were supposed to be a jab, but clearly, they didn't sting like she'd intended for them to, as a smirk slid across his lips.
"Am I? I figured at least for looks, I'd be high enough on your list. Sure, I might not be as jaw dropping gorgeous as Sirius, but you sure as hell snogged me like I was."
Her face burned scarlet. How could he bring that up? And with such casualty in his tone, at that? "You were the one to kiss me, not the other way around." She managed to sputter. "And then you poisoned me!"
"For fucks sake, I didn't bloody poison you! How would I have?"
"Why did you snog me, then?"
Remus didn't answer her demand, instead, continued, "If anything, you put some sort of enchantment onto me. You made me want to snog you."
"Why would I do that?"
"Hell if I know! Maybe you're in love with me."
"Why the fuck would I be in love with you? I'm with Sirius."
"You love him, then?"
Her dead heart stopped beating. "I…I didn't say that."
His cool gaze narrowed. "So you don't love him."
"I didn't say that either." She gulped. "Why do you care, anyways? It isn't any of your business who I do and don't love."
"I care because you'll get my best friend hurt. I can just tell, you're itching to get your claws under his skin. You want to rip out his heart, and I won't let you."
"Says who? What proof do you have that I have anything but the best of intentions towards Sirius? Besides, you're the one who hurt him, by kissing me!"
"And you didn't waste a second before snogging me right back, did you? Don't pretend you didn't, even if you did lie about it to him. Slag."
For a moment, she said nothing, simply stared at him, blinking. Had he just…
"Fuck you!" She eventually cried, unable to come up with a better retort. He was right, she had kissed him, and she had savored every bloody second of it. No snog with Sirius would ever live up to that burst of flames. "Fuck you, Remus. You're such a fucking dickhead!"
"Dickhead. How eloquent."
"Says the one who called me a slag." She huffed, rising back to her feet. "I'm going to bed. Happy Christmas Eve, douchebag."
Remus called something after her, but the ringing in her ears drowned out his voice, and when she slammed the door behind her, she had a feeling the fire between them wouldn't stop burning for a long while.
On Christmas morning, Remus's heart was pounding, sending a strange echo in his ears as he watched Lux open the gift Sirius had got her. Despite the girl refusing to smile at any given occasion, he could still somehow tell she was grateful for the nice pair of earrings he'd gifted her. Maybe it was the nod, or the look in her eye that seemed to say, "Maybe you're not that bad."
His furious heart rate intensified.
"Moony, check what I got you!" James called out, before sliding a medium sized box across the carpeted floor they were all seated on. Everyone were still in their pajamas, including Lux, which consisted of an old t-shirt and a pair of red plaid shorts.
He tried not to stare at her bare legs, the pale skin and gentle thighs that demanded attention. It physically ached to ignore the stirring in his pants every time his eyes slid towards her exposed skin, and he was happy for the distraction.
With tenderness, he unwrapped the package, to reveal a brand new muggle polaroid camera, still in the box and everything. "Bloody hell, Pads!" He cried out, eyeing the thing in awe. "How did you even get one of these?"
"Just popped down to the muggle shop downtown. It's no big deal, really" He shrugged, though he was grinning all the same. "Happy Christmas, mate."
"Take a picture of me!" Peter cried out as Remus took the camera out of the box, before posing his fingers in a lewd gesture. He aimed it at Peter, and snap, took the photo. Just after, a polaroid surged out from a slot, the image forming as it did.
"Bloody hell, it's like magic!" Peter said in awe, grabbing the photo and staring at it with wide eyes. "It doesn't move, though."
"It's muggle, of course it doesn't move." Sirius rolled his eyes, before flinging an arm around Lux. "Take a picture of us!"
Lux opened her mouth to say something, a strange look in her eye as she turned to Sirius. Almost like a deer, caught in headlights. But Remus was too quick, snapping the photo and allowing it to print.
"Give me that." Lux wiggled her way out of Sirius's grip, and yanked the still developing polaroid out of the slot.
"Oi, I want to see!" Sirius tried to wrestle his way into getting the image, but she held it tight to her chest, as though concealing a secret.
"I don't—" She began, but before she could finish her sentence, James snagged the photo out of her grip.
"Aww, you lot look adorable!" He cooed.
Lux's icy eyes grew wide. "I'm in the picture?"
James frowned, as confusion muddled Remus's mind. What on earth was she on about, asking such a strange question? "Er…yes…it was literally taken of you."
"Can I see it?" Her voice was suddenly impossibly small, reminding Remus of a child's, frightened yet curious in one mad mixture.
"Er, yeah, sure." James handed the polaroid to her, and Remus noticed that Lux was trembling as she flipped the photo over and eyed it up and down.
"We look cute, don't you think?" Sirius said from over her shoulder, looking down at the photo with a grin. Though as Lux inhaled a sharp breath, his smile faded, as his eyes grew wide in some sort of realization.
What was going on? What was Remus not understanding?
"Take another." Lux demanded towards Remus. "You can't see my face well in this one. I'm looking to the side."
"Alright…" Remus bit down on his tongue, aiming the camera towards her. This time, Sirius scooted out of the way, leaving Lux alone in the frame. She readjusted her shirt slightly, before looking back up at the camera. She didn't smile, but she lifted a hand up towards her mouth, like she was preventing one from forming.
Click
The polaroid shot out of the camera, and Lux wasted now time before grabbing it, eyeing it as though it was the first time she'd seen her own face. Her skin had gone even paler than usual, and Sirius watched her with an uneasy expression, like one might watch a boat, teetering on a harsh ocean, only barely staying on the surface.
"What do you think?" He asked, voice pinched.
She set the photo down, her breath shaky as she spoke. "It looks nice. Thank you, Remus."
He blinked. Had she just…thanked him? For taking a photo, of all things?
"Er…no problem."
Sirius flung an arm around her once again, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "You're so beautiful."
For once, she cracked a grin, and Remus swore he saw the sun in her smile.
"Are you alright?" Was the first thing Lux heard come from Sirius's voice, the moment they were alone. It had taken a lot of effort to finally escape James's parents, when they'd eventually woken up from their slumber and joined the group of teens in opening gifts, they'd practically drowned Lux in affection, as though she were their own daughter.
Now, the Potter clan, plus all of James's friends were gathered around the table for a late breakfast, when she had finally been able to slip away, citing not being hungry.
A lie, of course. She was positively starving from the days since she'd last had blood, but it wasn't like she could just pop out into the backyard and find the nearest rabbit. She'd have to wait until night fell for her to sneak out and feed her body.
"I'm fine." She breathed from where she sat on her bed, not looking up from the polaroid she held between her hands. It had been impossible to remove her gaze from the image since the moment she'd entered the guest bedroom, struck with a horrible curiosity at her own appearance. Was that truly what she looked like? Good lord, she was so pale…and those eyes…
"You haven't seen yourself in a while, have you?"
Lux shook her head gently.
"Do you like it? The way you look, I mean." Sirius pressed, sitting down next to her.
"I don't know." She admitted after a long pause. "I look a bit…strange, I think. I don't remember being this…"
"This…?" He continued when she trailed off, frowning.
"Cold."
For the first time since Lux had met the boy, Sirius Black seemed to be rendered speechless.