This is a special story of the four men trapped in a cave. This is a filler so feel free to skip this shit.

-The Cave-

Gordan Ramsay woke up to see a blue cat thing, a random asian guy, and fucking Kawasaki. He realized that his leg was chained up to the wall. Great. Mario and Luigi kidnapped him. And what makes it even better is that he's stuck with Kawasaki for who knows how long.

Gordon: "Ugh, where am I?"

Sonic: "Oh hey, you finally woke up!"

Gordon: "And who are you?"

Sonic: "I'm Sonic the hedgehog and you are?"

Gordon: "You're a hedgehog?"

Sonic: "Yep!" He says chowing down some cat food.

Ness: "Hey what's up, I'm Ness."

Kawasaki: "And I'm Kawasaki."

Gordon: "I know who you fucking are, Kawasaki."

Kawasaki: "Guys, this is Chef Gordan Ramsay. He came to the smash mansion to help me with my restaurant."

Gordon: "Fuck me! Did that Mario guy kidnap all of you?"

Everyone: "Yup."

Gordan: "How did he get you guys? Don't you guys have powers or some shit?"

Sonic: "Well, actually, I was in an epic fight with-

Ness: "We all got Bellosumed."

Gordon: "Bellosumed? W-what you mean that freaky plant thing that Mario threw at me?"

Ness: "Yeah that's how he got all of us."

Kawasaki: "Not me. He hit me with a bat."

Ness: "A bat?"

Kawasaki: "Yeah it was your bat."

Ness: "He just has my bat with him and no one is questioning that?"

Kawasaki: "I guess so."

Ness: "Why is no one trying to find us?!"

Kawasaki: "I dunno, but I'm glad I'm stuck here with my closest friends."

Gordon: "We're not fucking friends."

Kawasaki: "Ouch harsh. It's ok though, we can become friends."

Gordon: "For fucks sake. Get me out of here."

Gordan started messing with his chains, but it was impossible. He tried pulling on it, but nothing. It took no damage at all.

Sonic: "Good luck, dude. We all got powers here except Kawasaki and we can't even undo these chains."

Ness: "I mean, I'm still trying."

Sonic: "Dunno why. You're just wasting your strength."

Gordon: "Fuck me. This can't be happening. I-I need to go home. I have a wife and kids."

Sonic: "Bruh, a guy like you got laid?"

Gordon: "I'm sorry excuse me?"

Sonic: "Sorry, you're just so old and shit."

Gordan: What, you wanna go big boy?"

Sonic: "Ya know, I would if any of us can do anything."

The four of them heard Mario humming his theme song. That was their clue that the big man was arriving.

Mario: "Well, well, well, looks like the Chef finally woke up. So, how do you like your new home?"

Gordon: "Two words. Fuck. You!"

Mario: "Aww, that's-a not very nice."

Ness: "Hey uh, Mario?"

Mario: "What is it, Ness?"

Ness: "Can you move my shackle to my wrist please? It's too tight on my ankle."

Mario: "Well have you been-a good boy?"

Ness: "I'm sorry what?"

Mario: "Listen, Ness, until you completely give up and submit to me, I'll do some nice things for you. Unfortunately, you haven't been the nicest, so that's a no."

Ness: "But-

Mario: "Anyway, today we're going to play a game."

Kawasaki: "Oooo, I love games."

Mario: "It's called-a Nintendo trivia. If you get it-a right. You get to have dinner."

Gordon: "Are you kidding me?"

Mario: "Alright! Let's get to it!"

Mario walks around them and smiles maliciously. He took out his fludd. Everyone stared at the machine and began to worry if the question was based on that thing.

Mario: "Alright, Sonic you get to go first. What insect transformation can I power up with in-a super mario galaxy?"

Sonic: "Uhh."

Mario: "Time is ticking."

Sonic: "Well you're red, so obviously a ladybug."

Mario: "Aww that's-a too bad. It was a bee."

Sonic: "How the fuck was I suppose to-

Mario blasted Sonic's entire body with water using his fludd. He didn't stop for a whole minute. He kept blasting him, until the hedgehog started to drown. After the traumatic water blasting, Sonic began gasping for air. He even coughed up water. He laid there in the ground hyperventilating. The other members gasped and put their hands in their mouths.

Mario: "Ok Gordan, you're-a next."

Gordon: "I'm not playing your stupid game."

Mario: "If you don't-

Gordon: "Just fucking blast me."

Without hesitation Mario blasted the Chef with Fludd. The pressure was painful. Not to mention the water felt like he was getting shot by constant giant bullets. It was also cold. The Chef laid on the floor gasping for air. There was so much water in his ears, he thought he was a deaf. This was by far the most painful thing he's ever felt in his life.

Mario: "Ness, here's your chance in being a good boy. You'll do as I say and answer my question."

Ness: "Ok?"

Mario: "You're-a smart. I'm going to give you a tough one."

Ness: "That's not fair!"

Mario: "Don't talk back to me, or I'll spray you."

Mario: "What does my precious FLUDD stand for?"

Ness: "Um…"

Mario: "Tick-tock."

Ness: "F-flash liquidizer Ultra Dousing Device."

Mario: "Ding! You're-a correct. Here," He handed the teen a can of cat food.

Sonic: "How did he know that?"

Ness: "I uh, I like to study people."

Sonic: "Freak."

Mario walked over to Kawasaki. He pitied the orange idiot. He needed to go easy on this guy.

Mario: "Kawasaki. Your turn."

Kawasaki: "Oh boy, what's the question?"

Mario: "Who is Luigi to me?"

Kawasaki: "Why, he's your brother of course."

Mario: "Good job. Here," He threw a can of cat food at him.

Mario: "Well, I had fun. I'll do this in the future, so make sure you know your Nintendo trivia. Anyway, bye slaves."

With that, Mario took their empty cans and left. Leaving Sonic and Gordan hungry for the rest of the night.

The next day-

Gordon: "I'm curious, kid. You seem like the smartest one here. How did you fall for Mario's trick?"

Sonic: "Oh boy, tell him Ness."

Ness: *Sighs* "I uh, I told his brother about my plan."

Gordon: "I'm sorry what?"

Ness: "I thought I could trust him."

Gordon: "That's… gotta be the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Dumber than jam spaghetti."

Ness: "I thought he was done with Mario's shit!"

Gordon: "Kid, even I know that Luigi is Mario's bitch boy."

Sonic: "That's what I said!"

Ness: "I get it! I've heard this enough from the blue one! I know I messed up ok!"

Gordon: "Jesus christ. Lord please help me."

Ness: "You weren't there! He was convincing!"

Sonic: "Yeah, but Luigi? Mario's brother? You know, the guy that constantly follows him around like a dog."

Ness: "Well how did you get caught Mr. Amazing Chef?"

Gordon: "I went up to Mario and shamed him."

Ness: "And you thought that was a good idea because?"

Gordon: "At least I didn't tell his brother my entire plan. I didn't expect the mad man to throw a fucking pocket monster at me."

Ness: "Listen, we're all here because we fucked up. Simple as that. I shouldn't be targeted here. We're all dumb."

Sonic: "It's just funny because you're the smart one."

Ness: "Thanks, man. That totally takes a load off my shoulders."

Kawasaki: "Aww, Sonic you're such a sweetheart."

Sonic: "Haha! I know. I'm the nicest one here."

Gordon: "God kill me please."

Luigi: "Hi guys."

Everyone: "Whoa!"

Sonic: "Luigi, when did you get here?"

Luigi: "About 10 minutes ago."

Ness: "Great, the traitor is here." He crossed his arms.

Luigi: "I'm-a sorry, Ness."

Gordon: "Luigi is that you?"

Luigi: "Y-yes."

Gordon: "Do you have the keys?"

Luigi: "Yes."

Gordon: "Quick unlock our chains."

Luigi: "N-no."

Gordon: "No? What the fuck do you mean no?!"

Luigi: I'm-a sorry, Ramsay. I can't do that."

Gordon: "You have the key! Just do it!"

Luigi: "N-no, I'm sorry."

Gordon: "Why are you here then?"

Luigi: "I'm the janitor."

Gordon: "Fuck me."

Sonic: "No one wants to fuck you, dude."

Gordon: "Sonic, I need you to shut the fuck up, ok."

Sonic: "Make me, cheddar biscuit!"

Gordon: "I swear to god, if I wasn't chained up."

Sonic: "You'll what, huh?"

Gordon: "You think I'm afraid of you?"

Sonic: "You should be. You're just a human."

Kawasaki: "Hey guys."

Gordon and Sonic: "What!"

Kawasaki: "You guys are making Luigi cry. Can you stop arguing?"

Sonic and Gordon turned to face Luigi. The green plumber had walked to a wall between Ness and Gordon. He began crying and he locked himself up to the wall.

Luigi: "I'm-a sorry. Can I vent?"

Ness: "Luigi, why did you lock yourself up?"

Luigi: "I did a dumb. Mario got mad at me, so.. I came here to be put away."

Sonic: "Whoa, what happened?"

Luigi: "I might've almost told Peach about what happened between Kirby and Mario."

Gordon: "I'm sorry who?"

Luigi: "Kirby."

Kawasaki: "Oh, I know Kirby. You've met her Chef Ramsay. She was the one that saved my restaurant."

Gordon: "You mean the pink haired cooking genius?"

Kawasaki: "Yeah that one. Although she used to be a ball and was a boy I think."

Gordon: "I'm sorry, you've lost me."

Luigi: "Well uh, Mario and I kissed her."

Gordon: "Ok and?"

Sonic: "Oh you don't know? Yeah we're here because Mario and Luigi simply kissed another girl. That's it! No sex no groping, no nothing."

Gordon: "You mean to tell me, I'm here against my will because these two idiots kissed another girl? THEY DIDN'T EVEN GO ALL THE WAY?!"

Luigi: "Well, I wanted to tell Daisy the truth, but I couldn't. I thought of just telling a white lie, but then Mario took it too far."

Gordon: "No shit!"

Sonic: "Pretty funny."

Luigi: I'm-a sorry, but if our secret ever got out then-

Gordon: "So you decided to kidnap four people over a goddamn kiss."

Luigi: "Y-yes."

Gordon: "Unbelievable."

Ness: "Yep, not to mention that now Mario wants to kill her."

Gordon: "So, we're all here because of a chick."

Sonic: "Well I mean, she is hot."

Gordon: "Luigi, do you have a gun?"

Luigi: "Uh, no. Why?"

Gordon: "I want you to shoot me. Right here, in the skull. Just end me. I can look over my kids while I'm in hell."

Luigi: "I would-a never."

Sonic: "Bruh, this guy is wild."

Luigi: "At the end of the day, I cheated. I feel-a so bad. I keep making things worse. Mario is always mad at me. Daisy and I, we haven't been making good progress. I deserve to be locked up."

Gordon: "Unbelievable."

The four fell silent for a bit until Sonic thought of a good idea to brighten things up.

Sonic: "Hey guys, wanna play a game?"

Kawasaki: "I would love to! I love games."

Sonic: "Alright, out of everyone here, who would you guys fuck?"

Ness: "Sonic, what the hell."

Sonic: "What! Some quality bro talk."

Gordon: "How is that bro talk?"

Kawasaki: "Hey so uh-

Sonic: "I'll go first! Out of the four of you, I'd fuck Ness."

Ness: "What!"

Sonic: "What."

Luigi: "I'd fuck you too, Ness."

Ness: "Thank you, Luigi."

Luigi: "You're welcome."

Ness: "That was sarcasm."

Sonic: "What about you, Gordon?"

Gordon: "I wouldn't fuck any of you."

Kawasaki: "Ooo! Me! I would fuck Ness too~"

Ness: "I… can we stop? This is what got us here to begin with. All because Villager said Kirby would be the hottest chick."

Sonic: "Ok, but this one is different. It's who we would fuck."

Ness: "Ok, but why me though?"

Sonic: "Look around you, there's an old cranky man, a loser who shits himself, an orange jelly bean, and an asian guy. I think it's pretty obvious why I chose you."

Ness: "You need help."

Sonic: "What? It's just a hypothetical."

Ness: "Aren't you with Samus?"

Sonic: "Dude, I'm not gay! I'm straight as fuck. You're the gay one."

Ness: "How am I the gay one? You're the one talking about banging men."

Sonic: "You hang out with that blonde yogurt hair lookin' ass."

Ness: "You mean Lucas."

Sonic: "Yeah, Lucas or whatever."

Ness: "How does that make me gay?"

Sonic: "Aren't you two dating?"

Ness: "NO! We're like brothers."

Sonic: "So like incest?"

Ness: "How are you this dense?"

Gordon: "I mean, when I first saw you, I thought you were gay."

Ness: "Seriously?! What makes me seem gay?"

Sonic: "Bro, why are you getting so defensive? Do you hate gays?"

Ness: "No! I'm just confused as to why you guys think I'm gay."

Gordon: "It's your vibe."

Ness: "My vibe?"

Sonic: "Yeah, I mean, I've never seen you with a girl."

Ness: "I like girls. I just… I dunno. I'm awkward and it's not my priority."

Sonic: "Luka seems to be yours."

Ness: "It's Lucas, and well I mean, in a way yes. But it's not like that!"

Kawasaki: "Wow! Luka and Ness sittin' on a tre G."

Sonic: "You said it wrong."

Ness: "His name is Lucas!"

Gordon: "You know, for someone who claims this Lucas guy isn't your boyfriend, you seem to be protective of him."

Ness: "Yeah, he's my friend!"

Sonic: "That's what they all say."

Ness: "Ok, you know what, can we talk about something else? Why does it always come back to me?"

Sonic: "You're easy to tease."

Ness: "Change the subject! Fuck!"

Sonic: "Speaking of fuckin' do you think Mario and Kirby fucked? I know Luigi just kissed her, but I dunno Mario doesn't know how to keep his pipe in his pants."

Ness: "What?"

Sonic: "I dunno, Mario is very convincing. What if they didn't just kiss?"

Luigi: "I-I swear I didn't do anything more!"

Gordon: "They're not talking about you, moron."

Kawasaki: "Hey guys, I've been meaning to ask, what does fuck mean?"

Sonic: "Are you serious?"

Kawasaki: "Is it like a hug or something?"

Sonic: "I am not telling you."

Kawasaki: "Ness?"

Ness: "Nah, I'm good."

Kawasaki: "Chef Ramsay?"

Gordon: "No."

Kawasaki: "But guys, I want to know what it means. What if I want to fuck Kirby?"

Sonic: *Covers his mouth holding back his laughter*

Ness: "Kawasaki, no."

Kawasaki: "No, I'm serious. What if I want to fuck Kirby too? Is it a bad thing?"

Sonic: "BWAHAHAHA!"

Ness: "Yes, it's a bad thing."

Kawasaki: "But why? What makes fucking Kirby so bad?"

Gordon: "Just ask Mario."

Kawasaki: "Ok I will~"

The cave echoed the mario brothers theme song. Everyone knew what that meant. Mario is coming. He waltzes in with cans of cat food in his arms. He seemed happy for some reason.

Mario: "Hello, my pets."

Gordon: "Did he seriously call me a pet?"

Sonic: "Why do you seem so happy?"

Mario: "Well, I just-a won my first match in the tournament."

Sonic: "Oh shit, is that today?"

Mario: "Oh, don't worry, Sonic. You're in it."

Ness: "Has anyone noticed that I've been gone?"

Mario: "Well I mean, yeah, don't-a worry. Everyone is looking for you."

Ness: "R-really?"

Mario: "Yeah, pretty sweet, huh? Too bad they all suspect Kirby."

Gordon: "Not cool."

Mario: "Well anyway time for your-

Kawasaki: "Wait, Mario you're just the guy I wanted to see."

Mario: "What do you want?"

Kawasaki: "I want to know what fuck means. The guys won't tell me."

Mario: "I'm-a sorry, what?"

Kawasaki: "Yeah, they said that you fucked Kirby?"

Mario: "What did they say exactly?"

Kawasaki: "That you fucked Kirby. Ness says it's a bad thing, but I'm not sure why."

Mario: "So Ness started this, huh?"

Ness: "N-no! It was Sonic. He was the one that brought it up!"

Sonic: "Bro."

Mario: "So Sonic and Ness said I fucked Kirby."

Kawasaki: "Yeah."

Ness: "I was against the whole topic! Kawasaki is lying!"

Mario: "Ya know, Ness, I expected this from-a Sonic, but you? I thought you were trying to be a good boy."

Ness: "I never said you fucked Kirby. You gotta believe me!"

Mario walks over and pats Kawasaki on the head. He places the can of cat food on Kawasaki's nub hands. He chucks one at Gordon. He leaves Sonic and Ness with no food.

Ness: "Kawasaki, I know it's not your fault because you don't know any better, but I really wish you weren't here."

Kawasaki: "What did I do? Wait, I still don't know what fuck means."

Gordon: "FUCK OFF!"

Later that night:

Ness and Luigi was in deep sleep. Kawasaki stared at Gordon Ramsay. Gordon was trying to sleep. Sonic kept mumbling in his sleep. He jumped up and screamed as loud as he could.

Sonic: "AAAAAAHHHH!"

Kawasaki: "Oh my."

Gordon: "FUUUUCK! GOD DAMMIT, WHAT! WHAT HAPPENED?!"

Sonic: "Oh man. I just had the craziest nightmare."

Gordon: "Fuck me."

Sonic: "No thanks dude."

Gordon: "Keep it down! I'm trying to sleep."

Kawasaki: "Wow, Sonic. What was your nightmare about?"

Gordon: "No! No stories. Just go back to sleep. Please."

Kawasaki: "Don't be mean to me for being considerate."

Gordon: "Do you know how you can be considerate?"

Kawasaki: "How?"

Gordon: "By shutting the fuck up!"

Sonic: "Bro, calm down, he's just worried about me."

Gordon: "Sonic, you know he doesn't care. He's doing this on purpose. He annoys us on purpose!" He said punching the wall.

Sonic: "Take a chill pill. I just had a nightmare. Stop thinking about yourself."

Gordon: *Sighs* "I'm sorry, Sonic. Honestly, I'm just s-so… *starts sobbing* "I'm so tired. I'm tired of all of this. I shouldn't be here. I got digitized for this shit! I should be with my family. I want to cook for my wife and kids again. I-I just want to go home."

Sonic: "It's ok. Apology accepted. I get it. I also want to go back home."

Gordon: *Continues to sob and also punches the floor*

Kawasaki: "Gee, this is so sad. This makes me want to cry. He came all the way here to help me in my dire need. At least, we're here together, right Ramsay?"

Gordon: *Proceeds to cry harder*

Sonic: "You're not helping."

Kawasaki: "Hmm? Oh, I'm sorry. Will you forgive me Chef Ramsay?"

Gordon: "P-please stop talking."

Kawasaki: "Would it help if I told you that I stare at you at night to make sure you're ok?"

Gordon: "Why on earth would that make me feel better?"

Kawasaki: "Us chefs gotta stick together."

Gordon: "You call yourself a chef?"

Kawasaki: "Well yeah."

Gordon: "Pathetic."

Kawasaki: "You're not pathetic."

Gordon: "Not me, you donkey!"

Kawasaki: "Oh are we talking about Ness again?"

Gordon: "AAAAAHHHH! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

Sonic: "Hey calm down, buddy."

Gordon: "I'M NOT YOUR FUCKING BUDDY! I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!"

Sonic: "Well you are so…"

Gordon Ramsay proceeds to bang his head onto the wall. He does it and ignores the blood coming from his head.

Kawasaki: "Chef Ramsay, why are you banging your head against the wall?"

Gordon: *continues to bang*

Sonic: "Yo, dude, you good?"

Gordon: *Continues to bang*

Kawasaki: "Oh is this another fun game? I wanna do it too!"

Kawasaki joins in the fun and starts to bang his head against the cave walls. The two continue to do it for a little bit until Gordan falls to the floor sound asleep. He looked peaceful like a bear humping a honey badger to death to assert its dominance in the cold weather making sure it's all warm and fluffy due to the friction it has created from the poor badger that unfortunately was there at the wrong place at the wrong time, even though bears don't usually hump badgers, so honestly the poor creature was just confused and miserable as the humping ritual began, making the badger see stars and then a bright light which took it to honey badger heaven, where it can now watch over its family that it abandoned years ago using the excuse that it needed to find milk, which it indeed lied because it needed to get away from the kids due to the wife cheating on him with another honey badger named Arlow, which was just not cool in the slightest, but hey it is what it is. That is what this entire scene felt like as Sonic watched the two literally knock themselves out.

The next day:

Mario arrived back at the cave in the morning. He noticed blood on the walls where Gordon and Kawasaki occupied. He wondered what happened to those two, but knowing Kawasaki, he drove Ramsay crazy causing him to do self-harm. He gave them the cat food as usual. No trivia this time. However, he had planned something later for lunch. He then left the four alone. He needed a tournament to get to!

Ness: "Hey, um, quick question. Why is there blood on the walls?"

Sonic: "Dude, these two had a head banging competition. It was wild."

Gordon: "I think I lost some brain cells."

Kawasaki: "Hey me too!"

Ness: "What happened?"

Gordon: "He happened." *Points at Kawasaki*

Ness: "Noted."

Sonic: "Hey Luigi, why are you still here? Don't you have a tournament to get to?"

Luigi: "Oh, I lost."

Sonic: "That doesn't surprise me."

Luigi: "Mario likes it when I lose, so…"

Ness: "Come on! You can't just keep taking the fall for your psychotic brother."

Luigi: "Well, I mean if I don't, then he might do something to me."

Ness: "You're just as strong as him. Maybe even stronger. Defend yourself."

Luigi: "N-no, trust me, he's-a too strong."

Luigi's phone started ringing. It was Mario. He needed Luigi's help. He had to go.

Luigi: "Oh, I have to go."

Gordon: "Luigi, I'm begging you, please let me out of here."

Luigi: "I'm sorry, I can't do that. Mario sees you as a threat."

Ness: "What about Kawasaki?"

Luigi: "Um…"

Gordon: "Y-yeah! He's dumb! He probably doesn't remember why he's even here."

Kawasaki: "I'm here because we're having an epic sleepover."

Ness: "Also, people might question that he's not at his restaurant."

Luigi: "Hmm, yeah that's-a true."

Kawasaki: "Oh yeah, huh? I'm usually always there. I even sleep there sometimes."

Sonic: "Why?"

Kawasaki: "Why not?"

Sonic: "Fair enough."

Luigi: "Ok." *he unchains himself and approaches Kawasaki*

Kawasaki: "No!"

Luigi: "No?"

Gordon: "What is he doing?"

Kawasaki: "I refuse to go. I can't leave my homies here all alone."

Gordon: "NO!"

Luigi: "Oh, ok I guess."

Gordon: "NO!"

Kawasaki: "Leave me be with my brothers."

Gordon: "NO!"

Luigi: "Well, I guess this is-a goodbye for now."

Gordon: "NO!"

Luigi: "Bye bye." *Starts walking away*

Gordon: "LUIGI YOU STUPID BITCH! YOU GET BACK HERE AND TAKE KAWASAKI WITH YOU! LUIGI! LUIGI! LUIGI! LU FUCKING I GI!

Sonic: "Dude, he's gone."

Gordan: "..."

Kawasaki: "Chef Ramsay, why do you look so mad?"

Kawasaki: "Chef Ramsay? Hey Chef Ramsay! Can you hear me?"

Ness: "Kawasaki-

Kawasaki: "Do you guys think he's deaf? Hey Ramsay? Oh no, what if he is deaf? Guys, this isn't good! W-we have to tell Mario."

Ness: "Kawa-

Kawasaki: "Oh dear, Marioooo! Marioooo! Marioooo!"

Gordon: "Please kill me lord."

Kawasaki: "Oh Chef Ramsay, you're not deaf! I was so worried. I'm glad you're back. Well, now that we're together again, how about we celebrate in song."

Ness: "Kawasaki-

Kawasaki: "OOHH MOMMY DON'T KNOW DADDY'S GETTING HOT, AT THE BODY SHOP, DOING SOMETHING UNHOLYYY~"

Kawasaki: "Hey wait, does anyone know what unholy means?"