-Boxer In Love-

Little Mac walked Kirby back to her room as always. He gave her a hug and complimented her despite her losing to Zelda. When they went up to her door, he smiled and waved goodbye. She probably wants to be alone. However, she grabbed him by the arm and asked if he could stay. He gladly accepted her request.

The two watched tv for a bit and talked. They didn't talk about what happened during the battle. It was… not a pretty sight. She still seemed distant but that made sense because her whole situation got worse. Not only is she worried about Ness, but she also lost. He wanted to ask her why she hesitated during the match, but it makes sense because of what she did to Peach.

They continued to watch tv in silence until Kirby's stomach growled. She blushed and Little Mac couldn't help but giggle. Then his stomach growled and she laughed at him. Looks like it's Little Mac's time to head to the grocery store and make dinner. He stood up, gave her a hug and left the place.

Kirby's smile faded as he left the apartment. Aww man, she lost the tournament. It sucked, but at least she got far and it was fun. Well, it was until she got carried away with Peach. Then she lost the match with Zelda on purpose. Geez, these human emotions are exhausting and complicated. She could've easily won. Oh well. What's done is done.

Kirby continued to watch tv. However, an hour went by and she began to worry. Where is he? As she got up to look out her balcony, she heard something slid under her door. She turned around and saw a letter. It was white with a heart sticker. What's a letter doing here? She opened it up and it read:

My sweet sweet Kirby

As delicate as a cute birdy

I watch you all day

You scurry you scatter but I'll always know your way

Once I have you, you'll become small

I'm not talking about turning you back into a ball

You'll be confined in a tight space

Limbs tied, just in case

Oh but don't worry

No need to be in a hurry

I'll give you my love

One you will never be sick of

No need to panic

I want to be romantic

Hurting you is not my intent

I simply want to revel in your scent

Let's become official

I know it'll be beneficial

Having a kid with you is my desire

This then will set our love higher

Your secret Admirer

Kirby started to hyperventilate. Who wrote this to her? Was it Little Mac? It had to be! Who else? If it was Little Mac, he chose the wrong time to write this because this was too much. Wait, no it says your secret admirer. She's already with Little Mac. He would write his name there. This is someone else. Who could it be? Link?! Is it Link? Oh no, this… this isn't crushing anymore. This is a straight up obsession.

-Flashback-

Link grabbed Kirby's shoulders. He looked crazy. His pupils were small and his breathing was heavy.

"Link, can you stop squeezing my shoulders? It's starting to hurt," Kirby begged.

"You're not even listening to me."

"I am! You said Little Mac is using me. I heard you loud and clear."

"So are you going to break up?"

"I-I don't know."

"You have to trust me, Kirby!"

"I do, it's just…"

"Just what?!"

Kirby needed to choose her words carefully. Right now, Link is acting differently. He's not himself. He's usually calm and patient. At this moment, she has to say something that will get him to calm down. She could mention Zelda. It might snap him back to reality.

"I… I'm worried about you and Zelda."

"I already told you, we can date secretly. She doesn't have to know."

"What if she does?"

"She won't!"

"But-

Link started squeezing her shoulders tighter. Ok, this is not working. She's still saying the wrong words. She doesn't know how to talk to him like this. She's not into him like that anymore. The only way to stop this behavior is to tell him the truth.

"Link, I can't be with you!" Kirby squeaked.

"Yes you can! I want you. I want you so bad. I know you want me too."

"N-no, you're not-

"If it's Zelda, don't worry I have a plan! She'll never have to know!"

"It's not because-

"I love you, Kirby."

"I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU!"

"W-what?!"

"I'm sorry, the feeling isn't mutual. I only like you as a friend."

"N-no no no no no no no no no no no no NO!"

"I'm sorry."

Link let go of her shoulders. He turned around and stared at the wall. She eyed his arms. He lifted up his left arm and was about to punch the wall, but she was prepared. She grabbed it in time. His arms were centimeters away from the wall. He turned and looked at her with the most psychotic look she's ever seen.

"Let go," He demanded.

She nodded and released his arm.

"I… I need to go," he said.

"Link… I don't want us to be enemies."

"Little Mac is going to hurt you, ya know."

"I understand. I'll-

"I don't think you do. You're making a mistake."

"I… I trust in your judgment but…"

"You'll see, you'll come crawling back to me. I know you will. I know more about how people work than you do."

Hearing that from Link hurt. She started to cry. It's true that Link has more experience, but he didn't have to say it like that. She knows she's not good with people, but… hearing it from her best friend Link who used to compliment during their lessons felt like she made no progress at all.

"Don't you dare cry. I should be the one crying!" Link barked.

"I'm s-sorry."

"You don't get to cry. I'm the one who put in effort into making us work."

"What're you talking about?"

"I went slow for us, Kirby. Yet here you are dating someone else. You didn't even ask for my permission."

"P-permission? I didn't-

"You know I like you, yet you lead me on and date someone who only wants you for your body."

"Lead you on? What're you talking about?"

"Tell me, Kirby, how was the sex?"

"The what!"

"I know you did it! I know he pressured you! I would have never done that to you so early into our relationship."

"Link I don't know what that is!"

"PAGE 34, KIRBY! IT WAS ON PAGE 34!"

"I-I-I don't-

"I can't believe you let him touch you."

"Link, please you're scaring me."

"I… I love you."

"We can't! Being with me is a mistake."

Link began crying. She tried wiping his tears, but he slapped her hand away. Her hands were shaking. He's… he's too unstable. He's actually scary right now. She didn't know what to do. He's not leaving.

"Kirby, I refuse to move on," He cried.

"Link, right now you're not yourself. How about we-

Knock knock

The two turned their heads to the door. Link was shaking, but he went up to the door and opened it anyway. It was Zelda. Oh no, have they been caught? She's going to threaten her life again! Kirby needs to fix this. Quick think of a lie. Let's see, they were talking about a sad movie and Link got really emotional, so did she. Yeah that's perfect!

"Oh hi, Kirby. I heard a lot of noise coming from this room. My boyfriend said he wanted to hang out with you, so I let him. I went to go check up on you two," Zelda said.

"W-wait, you're not mad?"

"Why would I?"

"Don't you hate me?"

"I don't hate you. I'm sorry about our last meeting, I have bipolar."

"Bipolar?"

"Yes, it's a medical condition. Anyway I'll see you later byyyyye."

"B-bye?"

The two left. All Kirby felt was confusion. Link is getting worse. What is Zelda doing to him? She wanted to help him, but maybe staying away from him is the better option. She didn't want Link to burst out like that again and who knows, Zelda probably punishes him behind everyone's back. He's definitely getting abused. She wishes she could help her friend like how he helped her when she didn't know anything about being a person.

-End of flashback-

Panic and paranoia was all Kirby could feel. She needs to look for Little Mac. What if Link did something to him? This letter is a threat for sure. Little Mac is in trouble. She threw the poem in the trash. She left to the smash mall where Little Mac always gets his groceries.

…

-Simon-

Kawasaki ditched the restaurant. Figures. How could someone like him be responsible for owning a restaurant? He didn't even know where he was half the time. Simon sighed. He had no choice but to accept that becoming a sauce chef is in fact not his calling. He has no job now. The only way to get money is to either work at the mall, but it's impossible to get a job there. They never hire. Oh whatever, the smash village apartments will have to wait.

Simon went back to his room. He thought about Kirby. That beautiful woman who saved that restaurant that day. He wanted to make enough money so the two could move in together. Is that moving too fast? She probably forgot about his existence. He needs to summon up the courage and ask her out. Wait no, Sonic said she's dating Little Mac. Ugh that skank. He's the guy that was super uncool towards Samus. Kirby doesn't realize she's being abused. Maybe he can talk her out of this toxic relationship with the boxer. Wait, does that make him toxic?

Reality hit, and Simon realized he needs to accept that his crush is with someone else. He should still tell her how he felt. It doesn't hurt to try right? Ah, maybe a poem will do. Nah, that's too corny. Oh well, he'll tell her when he sees her.

…

-The Cave-

Gordon Ramsay began crying. He's been in here too long. The cave became musky and disgusting. He hasn't changed since he got here. Wearing the same clothes, having to use the bathroom in front of everyone, eating cat food, and spending time with Kawasaki is actual hell.

Kawasaki: "What's wrong, Chef Ramsay?"

Gordon: "Please, stop talking to me."

Kawasaki: "But why?"

Sonic: "Dude, he doesn't want to talk to. Leave it."

Kawasaki: "That's a bit harsh. Guys, I think he hates me."

Ness: "I know who I hate."

Kawasaki: "Who?"

Ness glares at Sonic.

Sonic: "Probably you, Kawasaki."

Kawasaki: "Oh, I'm sorry guys. I'll do better."

Sonic: "Yeah ok."

Kawasaki: "I'll start by singing a song."

Everyone: "NO!"

Kawasaki: "Jeez ok I won't."

The group heard Mario humming his theme song. He's back. Oh boy, will they be able to eat? Who knows. It's a mystery.

Mario: "Hello, guys."

Sonic: "There's our guy."

Mario: "Alright, today's game is easy. You only need to compliment me."

Gordon: "You're kidding right?"

Mario: "Nope. Kawasaki you start."

Kawasaki: "You're a strong leader and I respect you."

Mario: "Good job, Kawasaki. Here's your dinner. Alright, Ness your turn."

Ness: "You're clever."

Mario: "I agree. Alright here you go. Gordon is next."

Gordon: "Fuck you."

Mario: "You know, you're really starting to piss-a me off."

Gordon: "Don't care."

Mario: "No dinner."

Gordon: "Whatever."

Mario: "Ok Sonic, your turn."

Sonic: "Your girlfriend is mad hot."

Mario: It has to be about me. Try again."

Sonic: "Fine. You got a fine porn star mustache."

Mario: "Try again."

Sonic: "Oh come on! Ugh ok, I guess I like you're strong or whatever."

Mario: "I'll take it. Here."

Sonic: "Mmm cat food, my fucking favorite."

Mario: "Anyway, guys.. I need to vent. Can I-a vent?"

Sonic: "I mean, we don't have a choice, do we?"

Mario: "Nope."

Sonic: "Vent away."

Mario: "Things have been getting… difficult."

Ness: "Like in a good way for us?"

Mario: "Shut up! Listen, Kirby just beat the shit out of my girlfriend."

Sonic: "OH SHIT! HELL YEAH!"

Mario: "Sonic, I will punish you."

Sonic: "You right. I'll shut up."

Mario: "Peach has been needier than usual. I like it but I'm kind of in the middle of planning smash domination."

Gordon: "You don't say."

Mario: "Anyway, I'm not-a sure what to do with her. She keeps complaining every time I leave to go see my pets."

Ness: "Pets as in us right?"

Mario: "Of course."

Sonic: "I'm curious what animal am I?"

Mario: "Why the bobcat of course. Gordon is the bear, Kawasaki the racoon, and Ness the dog."

Ness: "I'm sorry, why am I the only domesticated animal?"

Mario: "Well you are the most submissive."

Ness: "What!"

Mario: "Yeah, you're the bitch in the group."

Ness: "Literally how! Kawasaki is the bitch!"

Mario: "Hmm, no that's-a you."

Ness: "Hello?"

Mario: "Anyway before I was rudely interrupted, I hate hearing her complain every time I visit her, which is everyday now."

Sonic: "Bruh."

Mario: "Any advice?"

Gordon: "Let us out!"

Mario: "No. Any other advice?"

Sonic: "You could try sucking your own dick."

Mario: "Ness your turn."

Ness: "You could tell her that you've been planning something special for her. That's why you've been distant."

Mario: "I love that idea! Good boy, Ness. Here."

Mario tossed Ness a dog biscuit.

Sonic: "Fuckin golden child."

Mario: "Shut up, Sonic. Alright guys I made my de-

Kawasaki: "You could give her a balloon. That'll keep her busy."

Mario: "What?"

Kawasaki: "You know, a balloon. That always keeps me busy. I always go after it. It makes me feel happy."

Mario: "Kawasaki."

Kawasaki: "Yes, Mario?"

Mario: "I know you're autistic, but please shut the fuck up."

Kawasaki: "I'm an artist?"

Mario: "Yeah ok, anyway, I'll be on my way now. Goodbye my pets."

Mario left the cave.

Ness: "What do you guys think he meant when he said smash domination?"

Sonic: "He's going to dominate smash obviously."

Ness: "Do you think he'll mind-control everyone somehow?"

Sonic: "Most likely."

Gordon: "Too bad none of us can do anything about it."

Ness: "The smashers are looking for us."

Gordon: "How can you be so sure?"

Ness: "Mario said so. Not to mention Luigi said that Kirby showed her power to everyone. They most likely figured out that she's not the kidnapper, meaning they're looking for us."

Gordon: "And you trust the Mario bros because?"

Ness: "Well I mean, Luigi doesn't lie."

Gordon: "Didn't he agree to keep your plan a secret?"

Ness: "W-well-

Gordon: "Face it, kid, the brothers are telling us false information. No one knows we're gone because Mario cloned us."

Ness: "I do have some faith."

Sonic: "And why is that?"

Ness: "I left a note."

Sonic: "Shit ok, Ness I see you."

Ness: "Yep, Pit will know I'm gone. Clones aren't perfect. The clone won't know what I really wanted to talk to Pit about, which then Pit will become suspicious. He'll figure it out and he'll realize that the real me is gone."

Sonic: "Hey, Ness."

Ness: "The only problem is that Pit can be easily tricked. Hmm, maybe I should've written something more specific."

Sonic: "Ness, Pit can't read."

Ness: "What're you talking about? Everyone can read. Even Ridley can read!"

Sonic: "Everyone except Pit."

Ness: "No!"

Sonic: "Yes."

Ness: "Oh my god…"

Gordon: "So you mean to tell me, you wrote a note to someone who can't read."

Ness: "I…"

Gordon: "FOR FUCKS SAKE! BOY GENIUS, HUH?! HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW! EVEN THE HEDGEHOG KNOWS!"

Ness: "I thought everyone could read! It's such a basic thing to know!"

Gordon: "You donkey! Strike two, Ness. This is the second mistake!"

Ness: "Dammit! How am I messing everything up! I never make mistakes!"

Gordon: "Boy genius, huh?"

Kawasaki: "Ness isn't perfect."

Ness: "Ok I get it, I fucked up again. It's ok though, we just need to keep calm and figure out a way out of here."

Gordon: "Good luck."

Ness: "What's your problem?"

Gordon: "I've been here for god knows how long. Everything is a fucking problem! I'm angry, kid! I'm so fucking angry."

Ness: "I get that, but giving up isn't the way."

Sonic: "Dude, I've tried so hard before you got here, Ness. Mario doesn't even allow rocks to be here. HE CLEARED OUT ALL THE ROCKS. We're not getting out of here."

It's true, Ness examined his surroundings. There's no rocks. That one mushroom that grew was definitely on purpose. It was Mario's way of fucking with them. However, he noticed something about Mario. The plumber had a favorite, and it was him. Ness needed to continue to keep Mario happy. If it was advice he wanted, Ness would gladly provide. Even if it meant complimenting him. Ness has to do it. He needs to play along with Mario's game. Eventually Mario will crack. Tonight was a good example of Mario cracking. He's playing the long game, but it will work.

Ness: "I know this is weird, but I think we need to play along with Mario's games."

Gordon: "Fuck that. I'm not his bitch."

Sonic: "Yeah, nah. I ain't given him advice or any sort of pity."

Kawasaki: "I'll play along with his games."

Ness: "Guys this is the only way."

Gordon: "No, I'm not playing his stupid games."

Sonic: "I'll only do it for food."

Ness: "Guys, work with me here."

Kawasaki: "What're we working on?"

Gordon: "Shut up!"

Kawasaki: "Ouch, harsh."

Sonic: "Sorry dude, sucking up to him won't help us. It'll make him more controlling. Not a good idea."

Ness: "What do you mean!"

Sonic: "Just sayin' this guy is too careful to slip up."

Ness couldn't believe what he was hearing. They can't be that stupid. They didn't even want to try. Whatever, he'll do it himself. Sure it's demeaning, but he wants his life back. He needs to get back out there and tell everyone the truth. He'll do whatever it takes to get out. Mario is smart, but everyone makes mistakes right? Even geniuses make mistakes. T-they do right?