"Last time I checked he didn't make it out of the island… I'm the one who got you out…! I'm the one who saved you! I'm the one who's here!"
Flashbacks
Time flew by and they weren't even near figuring things out. It seemed like for now all they had to do was stay alive, just survive long enough.
Alice pushed the thoughts of giving up away and brought Jack some food as he was taking care of the man with the shrapnel all the time now and he clearly didn't think of saving himself for a change.
"How is he?" she asked when handing the doctor a plastic plate full of fruit and then sitting by his side.
"Thanks," Jack said when accepting the meal and then he answered her question somberly, "He's not responding to antibiotics. I counted a perforated lung and some internal bleeding and that's just the tip of an iceberg."
Alice truly didn't know what to say to that. The man seemed to be beyond saving, yet Jack wasn't giving up on him, hoping that something would work, hoping for a miracle. She actually felt guilty when watching his struggle. There she was, most of the time wishing she was dead while somebody else was fighting for his life with all he got.
To change the topic she picked up a piece of paper from a makeshift table.
"What's that?" she asked and unfolded it just when Jack warned her not to. It was too late, though. She already saw the mug shot. What more, it belonged to Kate.
"He had it on him," Jack informed with a sigh. "Apparently, he's a marshal. When he was awake, he told me not to trust Kate. He warned me that she's dangerous."
Alice frowned in disbelief, now actually feeling relieved that it was Kate who was the criminal among them and not someone else.
"I don't think she is," she then told Jack and he looked at her in surprise. "I've spent a day with her when we went to the mountains. She seemed all right. If she wanted to do something to us, she would've done it by now."
"Well, maybe you're right," Jack admitted. "We have bigger problems anyway." He looked in the direction of the tent where his patient was resting.
"How's your back?" Alice asked when standing up.
"Very good, actually," Jack said, looking up at her with a smile. "Somebody sewed it up pretty damn well."
She smiled right back at him and then she put her hand on his shoulder, squeezing it gently before walking away.
During sunset Alice heard Jack and Kate arguing near the tent. She managed to make out Kate asking Jack to put the marshal out of his misery, but Jack responded angrily, telling the woman that he wasn't a murderer and then he stormed away.
Alice chose that moment to come over to him. "Jack, maybe you should just let it go," she said gently, trying to speak to his mind.
"I can't, Alice," he answered in a broken voice as he shook his head. "I can't let go. I'm supposed to be saving people."
"But what if you can't?" she asked. "You can't save everybody."
"I have to try. It's my job." After having said that, he looked at her one more time before slowly making his way back to the tent. Suddenly, a shot rang out and Jack looked back at Alice in panic. She only reciprocated that look.
"Kate!" he yelled, but it wasn't Kate who walked out of the tent. It was Sawyer.
"What did you do?!" Jack screamed at him.
"What you didn't have the guts to!" the blond answered.
Before Jack managed to answer him back, the marshal started moaning in pain all over again.
"The hell?!" Sawyer asked in surprise.
"Where did you shoot him?!"
"I aimed at his heart!"
"Well, you missed!"
Alice couldn't seem to move. She watched Jack coming back into the tent and then the moaning grew stronger until it stopped altogether. She understood that the doctor finally put the man out of his misery just as Kate had asked him to earlier. She also knew that this time it was really too late and Jack knew he couldn't possibly save him.
Once he emerged from the tent again, he was shaking and she ran over to him, ignoring Sawyer still standing there, now in deep shock.
"Jack," Alice started when getting to the doctor, but he pushed her away.
"Not now!" he screamed and only fastened up.
It was the middle of the night when Jack found Alice sitting alone on the shore, watching the dark ocean.
"I couldn't sleep," she told him once he joined her.
"Yeah, me, too. Listen... I want to apologize. I shouldn't have snapped at you. You were only trying to help. You were right... I... I really can't let go. I don't know how to. Most doctors would've long given up..." His eyes were actually glassy by the time he got it all out and then he winced, trying hard to stop the tears from coming. In the end, he wasn't able to and Alice did the only thing she could for him - she pulled him into a hug.
"I can't let go," he repeated and let her embrace him.
Eventually, both of them parted to go get some sleep when not saying anything. They didn't have to, really. Jack's eyes told Alice everything she needed to know. He was grateful that she was there for him. And she was really glad about that because while she was worrying about him, while she was helping him, she felt like she still had a purpose and she didn't have the time to brood over her past.
The next day brought an unpleasant task - the dead bodies needed to be taken care of because they actually started to smell. The survivors couldn't possibly dig over forty graves, so Jack suggested burning the bodies at sunset. With a little bit of luck, a plane or a boat could actually spot them and come to their rescue. Alice didn't really believe that, but the task at hand at least kept Jack busy and prevented him from thinking about the previous night. She tried to help as much as she could herself. She really did, but in the end the horrid sight was a little too much for her and she was grateful for the distraction when Claire came over, asking if Jack could lead a memorial service for the dead. He wouldn't do it. Alice by now knew him enough to guess that he would say no. He handled the living best when fixing them. Caring for the dead wasn't really his job anymore.
"Why don't you do it?" he asked the pregnant blonde.
"I can help," Alice offered eagerly.
"Really?" Claire smiled to her brightly. "That would be great."
"It'll be my pleasure. I don't think I can spend another minute among these..." the word bodies somehow didn't want to leave her mouth.
As she began helping Claire sort through all the passports and personal belongings, she spotted Jack coming over to a black woman who'd been sitting alone ever since the day of the crash. Alice smiled when seeing the doctor joining her, keeping her company. Yes, Jack was most definitely better with the living.
The sun finally set and they started a fire to burn the bodies. Claire took the lead and organized something resembling a service. She didn't know any of the people on the plane, but she did her best to say something about every single one.
Alice couldn't find Jack among the crowd and she really needed him at the moment. The funeral on the island was too painful for her and she wasn't sure she could stay till the end. She didn't want to do it, she didn't want to remember, but in the end she couldn't help the memories rushing back to her.
The night had long fallen when she came to the beach to scatter the ashes. She didn't want anyone to see her as she was pretty sure that what she was going to do was illegal. Only she had to do it. It was their biggest dream to visit Australia, to see the kangaroos. And the only way they could do it together now was this.
"I miss you so much," she said. "I miss you every day... I don't know what to do without you," her voice broke.
When it was all done, she sat on the cold sand and started crying. She truly had no idea what to do with her life now and how to go on. Alone.
Eventually, she stood up and left. She had a plane to catch in the morning, after all. She was coming back to Los Angeles and then... she simply didn't know.
Alice wiped a stray tear from her face. She needed to get away from the fire and the bodies. She finally spotted Jack sitting alone on the shore and decided to join him.
"Are you ok?" she asked when sitting right next to him. She only hoped that he wouldn't tell her to leave him alone. "You didn't come to the service," she then pointed out when he remained silent. A few seconds later she added, "All right. I see you'd rather be alone. I'll go."
She was just about to do that when he said, "This will sound crazy, but I saw my father in the jungle today."
Alice hesitated before asking, "Was he on the plane?"
"Yes... at least his body was," Jack answered. "He died in Australia and I went there to claim it."
"Did you find it after the crash?" Alice wanted to know, now just feeling confused.
"That's the thing. I didn't. I saw him standing right there." He pointed a spot not so far away from where they were sitting. "I know it's crazy. I know that it had to be a hallucination caused by the lack of sleep and anxiety. It just... rattled me and I couldn't join the service. I can't bury him, Alice," Jack looked her in the eye. "And I wanted it all to just be over back in Sydney. I can't bury my own father and I just want it to be over."
"I'm sorry for your loss, Jack," she said and touched his hand. "For what it's worth, I know what you're going through."
"Did you lose someone too?" Jack asked gently. That would explain a lot, he thought. There was something tragic about Alice, some kind of pain palpable in her eyes even when she was smiling. He'd actually been wondering about that, but was afraid to ask too soon.
"Yes," she admitted when letting go of his hand and looking at the horizon in front of her. "I lost my entire family in a car accident. I had a twin sister..." she confessed and then her voice trailed off as though she was now focusing on the painful memories. Still, she needed to get it out. She needed to tell someone. "We weren't like most families. We actually liked each other. That day... that day we were going on a trip. A truck came out of nowhere as they usually do... My parents were killed on the spot. My sister..." Alice's voice broke. "My sister died on the operating table because the doctor on call made a mistake. And just like that... I was left all alone. I came to Australia to scatter their ashes, because it was always our dream to take a trip there." By the time she finished, she was already crying and Jack wanted nothing more than to put his arms around her, to comfort her, but then he only gasped, her tale jugging something in his memory.
He was finally able to speak after a minute or so. Maybe he shouldn't, he hesitated, maybe it would be better if he didn't. He didn't want to lose her. He didn't want her to hate him.
"My father's name..." he started and stopped, then he decided to just get it over with. "My father's name was Christian Shephard and mine is Jack Shephard." He could already feel her stirring beside him, but he didn't have the courage to face her just yet. "I thought you looked familiar," he continued, "but then again... that girl was dead and I never looked into the details. I only saw her briefly on the operating table after she died. My father was suspended... I'm so sorry, Alice," Jack's voice broke again. "He escaped to Australia, ashamed… thinking that his family was ashamed of him too, thinking that he was nothing but a disappointment to us. And he was... he really was... especially to me," Jack confessed.
Alice couldn't say anything to that. She was still in deep shock, her heart beating way too fast in her chest, causing her to feel dizzy and overwhelmed. She still couldn't believe this crazy coincidence. How come she and the son of the very man who'd caused the death of her twin sister, had been on the same plane? How come he was here with her right now, that they were so close? How was that even possible?
"Alice, I'm so..." Jack started again, desperately wanting to be there for her, wanting to help her, but he knew that in this case it might be crossing a line.
"I need..." she then said weakly, avoiding his eyes. "I'm sorry, I need to be alone now." She raised to her feet and walked away, crying her eyes out.
She remembered the pain... the smoke burning her eyes...
When she came to, she was confused. For a while she thought that she simply woke up in the morning like any other, but she quickly realized that it wasn't the case. Her head felt heavy, aching; her limbs hurt and there was something sticky plastered to her forehead. When she put her hand there and then looked at her fingers, she noticed blood. And it all came rushing back to her. There were screams all around her and the smoke... She sat up on the hard concrete and moaned in pain. Somebody must've moved her here, gotten her out of the car. She saw the wreck a little further ahead and two strangers. They must've stopped on seeing the hit and run on the road and now they were just carrying her sister out of the destroyed vehicle.
Alice remembered the truck that had barreled into them and then... nothing.
The men brought her sister to her and Alice was terrified because Annie wasn't conscious.
"It's all right," one of strangers addressed her then. "The help's on the way. Just try not to move, ok?"
Alice opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Then, finally, she managed to ask, "My... parents...?"
She saw it on the men's faces before they even said it.
And then the wreck blew up and Alice started screaming.
Later on, she found out that her parents had been dead long before the explosion, taking the worst blow when the truck collided with their car.
Miraculously, Alice walked out of the accident with only a few bruises.
That night Jack had even more trouble sleeping than usual. He was too worried about Alice. He wondered if she would ever speak to him again. Technically, he wasn't responsible for her sister's death, but it was still his father who'd caused it. And he'd seen what his father had been doing, hadn't he?
When morning came, Hurley got to him before he even managed to leave his tent.
"There's... someone... someone's drowning and I... I don't swim!" the big guy informed in an erratic tone.
Jack didn't ask any questions, he just sped towards the ocean and jumped into the water. Eventually, he reached Boone. The moment he grabbed the guy, he heard a woman screaming for help further away. He couldn't possibly save two people at once and he was already hauling Boone, so he made the hard but unavoidable decision to come back to the shore.
Once his feet touched the sand and Hurley helped Boone out, Jack screamed, "We have to go back for her!" He was terrified that the woman was Alice, that he wouldn't be able to help her just like his father hadn't helped her sister; that she was upset when she'd gone for her morning swim and caught a cramp. She was a good swimmer, so that was the only explanation that came to Jack's mind.
"What woman?" Hugo asked Jack with a frown.
"There! In the water!"
"Jack, there was only me," Boone said and Jack stilled, looking at the younger man in shock.
"What?"
"There was no woman," Boone repeated. "I went for a swim after a fight with Shannon and I caught a cramp. That's all there was."
"But I heard..." Jack came to a sudden stop when he spotted Alice approaching them. She wasn't drowning. In fact, her clothes were dry and she looked like she'd just woken up.
"Is everything all right?" she asked in confusion, but then Jack only perplexed her more when he came over to her and hugged her, wetting her clothes.
"Jack?" she asked in an unsure voice when he let her go and his eyes fixed on something in the distance. "Jack, are you all right?" Only he didn't answer her. Instead, he ran towards the jungle. "Jack!" He did not stop.
He saw him again and this time he wouldn't back off. This time he would go after him and solve this once and for all. He was going to finally face his demon if that was the only way to make it disappear.
When he entered the woods, Christian Shephard was standing there, his back turned to him.
"Dad?" Jack asked shakily and then suddenly, the man faced him.
"You have to save her, Jack," he said and when Jack blinked, his father was just gone.
"Save whom?!" Jack yelled, but no one answered him. "Dad!"
The day was hard with Jack running away with no word of explanation – even if Alice kind of suspected what or rather whom he'd seen – and with Claire collapsing while talking to her. Alice immediately called out to some men so they would help transport the pregnant woman to a more shadowed place. Once she wanted to give Claire water, she discovered that there was nothing left and she had another brief moment of panic. Another one when she wished she'd died along with her family. It would've saved her a lot of misery, after all.
In the end, Jack broke the beginning of a fight among the survivors, coming back and informing that he'd actually found water. After making sure Charlie gave a bottle to Claire, Alice retreated and sat down near the shore just like Jack had done the night before. She was kind of hoping that he would find her here.
And he did, bringing her some water as well.
She accepted it with a smile. "That was a nice speech about living together so we wouldn't die alone," she said when taking the much need gulp of fresh liquid. "You seem to be a born leader, Jack. They listen to you."
"My father never thought so. He kept telling me that I didn't have what it took," Jack admitted. "I'm sorry," he then added. "I shouldn't..."
"No, it's fine, really," Alice cut in when looking at him. "I'm not angry with you, Jack. It wasn't your fault. She wasn't your patient. I saw you with all the people here. I saw how you helped them, how hard you tried. You're kind and good. It wouldn't be right to judge you by your father's mistakes."
"Still, I feel horrible and I felt that way when it happened as well. I wished so many times that I had been the one on call that day."
"But you weren't and it's no one's fault," Alice told him when taking his hand. "I'm just glad you're here now," she confessed when letting him go and then looking him in the eye. "You have no idea how much you've already helped me," she then told him. "In fact, I have no idea what I would've done without you. I..." she stopped, wondering if she should tell him the whole truth, but in the end something prompted her to just do it. "I wanted to die too, Jack. I couldn't stand being left all alone and I wanted to die. When the plane was falling... I thought good, I want to die, bring it on, I just want it all to end. I was the sole survivor of that car accident and somehow I survived a plane crash too."
"Maybe we were meant to," Jack just said. "And remember that you're not alone anymore. I'm here." He reached for her hand again. "And I'm not going anywhere," he added when looking her in the eye. Then he suddenly realized what his father had told him earlier in the jungle. Shortly after it happened, Locke saved his life and encouraged him to follow his white rabbit that was Christian Shephard. He'd done just that. And his own personal white rabbit had told him to save her. To save Alice. It all made perfect sense now, even though Jack was a man of science, not faith.
Alice couldn't sleep.
She usually had nightmares about the plane falling down or her family dying, but in overall they were quite manageable. This night they got worse. She dreamt of Annie lying on the operation table, screaming for her to save her, blaming her for what happened, even when it wasn't really Alice's fault.
''It should've been you! You should have died! Just give up and join me!"
Alice woke up with a gasp, bathed in cold sweat. She was breathing erratically and her heart was pounding like crazy. Then she covered her face with her hands and started crying. The whole situation was only getting worse and she didn't know how much more she would be able to handle.
Once she cleaned herself up and with no enthusiasm ate some breakfast, Jack walked over to her, suggesting she'd go with him to explore the caves further. She agreed since it could take her mind off the nightmares she'd been having and her past for at least a few precious hours. She so didn't expect to find two skeletons and two backgammon pawns there.
''Our own Adam and Eve," Locke said as they accidentally bumped into each other there and Jack notified that those dead people had actually been a male and a female.
''There are forty six people on the beach," he then pointed out when talking to John. ''We can't possibly bring them all water every day. I say we need to bring the people to the water."
As they were concocting a plan, debating over whether they should give up on signaling fire on the beach and altogether move to the caves, none of them noticed the horrible state Alice was in. She was sitting on a rock, looking into the jungle at... her own sister. Dreaming about Annie was one thing, but actually seeing her was another. Then again, Jack had seen his father in the jungle, too. Was Annie a hallucination? Was she real or was she just a figment of Alice's imagination? Then her sister actually spoke, ''You know you want to join me. You know it, Alice. Why don't you just do it, then?"
In the end, Jack only managed to bring about half of the survivors to the caves. He didn't push for more when knowing that maybe, just maybe a plane someday would appear in the sky or a boat in the distance and then those who stayed behind would come useful. He might not believe it himself, but others did and that was enough.
He was very busy that day when settling in and trying to find and store more medicine, so he noticed Alice being gone just in the afternoon. It should be nothing to worry about. People took strolls in the jungle or walked to the beach to visit those who stayed behind all the time – and Alice could've gone to visit Claire as they really liked each other. Shannon was in the caves, though, Jack realized when thinking about another friend of Alice's. Besides, he just had that feeling in his guts that something was wrong and even though he usually didn't believe such things as being a man of science himself, he couldn't possibly ignore it. His intuition had helped him diagnose patients in the past more than once. Now he just knew that something was wrong.
''Have you seen Alice?" he asked Shannon.
''She went somewhere over there," the blonde pointed the caves further in the jungle. ''I figured she wanted to do some more exploring, but she did look kind of out of it."
''And you didn't think to stop her?" Jack followed in exasperation.
''Jack, after everything she's been through, she might need some time alone," Shannon just said with a shrug. He knew her enough by now as not to feel offended by her bluntness.
''She told you about that?" he still prompted in surprise.
''Don't be so shocked. You're not the only one privileged enough to know. We had a girls night on the beach," she informed as though it should explain everything.
''Right." He just nodded and followed the direction Shannon pointed. Maybe Alice did want to be alone, but it didn't mean that she should. How could he trust her with that after she'd admitted to him that she wanted to just give up and die? And whatever or whomever he'd seen in the jungle earlier, even if that was only his subconscious manifesting itself in the person of his father, he felt like he really should listen to what it had said and help her, like he should save her.
Alice followed her dead sister along the caves and further into the jungle. When Anne stopped right in front of another entrance that was much bigger than the one the survivors were currently staying by, Alice stopped in hesitation. What could possibly be inside? Snakes? If there were polar bears on the island... Wait, so maybe it was a bear lair?
"Come on in, Alice," Anne spoke just then and the girl in question was too busy looking inside the caves to notice the little wisp of smoke escaping her sister's body. ''I know you want to be with me, Alice," the 'ghost' continued. "What do you have left here anyway? Your entire family is gone. You're alone on a strange island and we both know that you just want it all to end. You know that you were meant to die. Finish the job. Finish what the car and the plane crash couldn't."
In the end, Alice made a step forward, tempted by her sister's suggestion. Why prolonging the inevitable anyway? How many times would she be strong enough to resist the sweet promise of just ending everything? Of not feeling the pain anymore? Of feeling... nothing. Of the blissful rest.
When she stepped inside the cave, the ground actually shook a little and she looked up in surprise. It must've been her sister's doing. Where was Anne now anyway? She wondered when looking around. Her sister was probably waiting for her further inside, she decided then.
"Alice!" she suddenly heard Jack screaming her name. Oh, no, not now, she thought. She needed to just end it all and Jack couldn't stop her.
He finally noticed her and she saw pure horror reflecting on his face.
"Watch out!" he hollered and then sped up, knocking her off her feet until they both fell to the ground inside the cave. Then, there was a loud rumble and nothing but darkness.
When Alice managed to untangle herself from Jack's arms, she stood up shakily. "What did you do that for?!" she yelled at him.
"What?" He seemed not to understand her as he got up as well. Then he retrieved a flashlight out of his pocket and turned it on. "For your information, I've just saved your life!" he answered her back angrily. ''And a little thank you would be nice!"
"Well, I didn't need saving!" she kept on yelling at him, her eyes filling up with tears.
"Rocks were about to fall down on your head, Alice!" Jack informed her, still not following. Was she a radical feminist or something that she didn't want to accept help from a man? But no, that didn't make any sense since she had before. Was she in shock, then? Maybe it would all clear out for her in a moment. "I hope the others heard that rumble," Jack just said when going over to the blocked entrance and examining it. When he turned back to Alice and saw how miserable she looked, his voice softened, "Are you hurt?"
"You just don't get it, do you?" she asked. ''Did it ever occur to you that maybe I didn't want to be saved?"
Jack's face hardened. "Alice, what are you trying to say?"
"I can't do this anymore, Jack," she confessed when shaking her head, tears streaming down her face. "I can't live like this. I have no one. My entire family is dead! Why can't you just let me go? You can't possibly save everybody."
"I know that," he said gently when making a step towards her, "but this time I also know I can. Listen, you know by now that I'm not big when it comes to faith and believing that there's such a thing as destiny, but... against all odds, you survived both a car accident and a plane crash, so don't tell me that you're meant to die now."
"She said I had to," Alice suddenly confessed.
"She, who?" Jack prompted in confusion.
"My sister. I saw her, Jack. I saw her in the jungle just like you saw your father. She told me I should've died with her."
Jack was shocked by Alice's words, but then he just came over to her and put his hands on her shoulders. He looked her in the eye and said in confidence, "That was not your sister."
"How can you know that?!" Alice raised her voice again and made a step back, freeing herself from the hold he had on her. "You saw your father! Why can't I see Annie?!"
"Because my father never asked me to die for him," Jack simply answered. "And I know for sure that Anne wouldn't like for you to die either. She would want you to live just like you would want that for her if you were the one who died that day."
This took saving to a whole new level, Jack thought. When he'd seen the rocks falling down, he'd thought that was it, that was the moment he was supposed to save her, but in fact it ran much deeper than that. He needed to help Alice stay alive, he needed to give her a reason to. And he might just have the perfect one, he suddenly discovered.
"Alice, please, I beg of you, hold on, be strong. Live."
"What for, Jack?" she just asked when shrugging and spreading her arms while doing so. "I mean, look around. Look where we are. We might never get out of this island."
"Do it for me," he simply said and then his hands were reaching for her face and his lips were pressed against her lips. The moment he did that, she stopped thinking altogether. She could only feel so much and discover that while he was kissing her, the pain disappeared, replaced by something else, something like... joy, desire. She did find Jack attractive and she would lie if she said that she never wondered. Still, there had been other things on her mind so far, things that had been consuming her and extinguishing that spark of life she had.
Jack stopped the kiss sooner than she would like him to, but his hands remained in place and he was still close, looking her deeply in the eye.
"I'm here, ok?" he assured her. "And I'm not going anywhere. You have to be strong, Alice. Be strong for me, ok? I need you."
"Do you kiss all the people you're trying to save?" she then asked, nearly breathlessly. Because he actually might've given her a reason to go on. He might've actually showed her that even though they'd barely known each other for more than a week now, they could become close, they could become more. They could give each other exactly what they needed.
"No," Jack answered with a smile. "Just the ones I have feelings for."
"Good," she said with appreciation and kissed him again.
The moment they deepened the kiss, they heard someone calling, "Jack?! Alice?!" The voice belonged to Michael. "Are you all right in there?!"
The kiss once again had to be broken so Jack could shout back to his friend.
"Sit tight! We'll get you out of there in no time!" the man assured them.
It turned out that it was Shannon who heard Jack's scream followed by the rumble and then alerted the rest. Jack actually swore never to get angry with her again.
Soon after being rescued, both Jack and Alice were sitting by the fire together, resting in silence. Then Alice just had to ask him something, suddenly feeling insecure.
"Jack," she started. "I… I need to know... Did you really mean it all back there in the caves?" she finally got it out nervously. "I know that you said you had feelings for me, but I'll understand if you just did that to help me." She braced herself when waiting for his answer. She didn't want it all to be a convenient lie. And even if it wasn't, she still needed a confirmation as she'd never had a good track with guys. All her boyfriends had eventually become assholes and some of them had actually hit on her sister, usually pretending they couldn't tell the difference, which was a complete and utter bullshit since Alice and Anne, even though they looked the same, were total opposites like fire and water. Anne being the explosive fire and Alice the calm stream.
"I meant it," Jack simply said when looking at her. "I meant every word and I want this, wherever this is going. You just have to promise me that you'll never do something as stupid as trying to take your own life ever again. Just live, Alice, treat life as a gift which it is. You could've died for the fourth time today when counting you landing in the water after the plane crashed. This has to mean something. There's a lot of people in this world who would like to have so many chances. Do it for me, if not for you, because I don't think I can lose you. There's this connection between us. I've felt it ever since the moment we met," he confessed.
Alice let him say it all without any interruption because she was just sitting there stunned, but also feeling happy and strangely giddy. Just then, when Jack stopped talking and there was this awkward silence, she found the right words to speak, "I felt it too and I promise that I won't try anything again. And just for the record, I am doing it for the both of us."
Having heard that, Jack smiled brightly to her and leaned towards her to kiss her again. It was still a foreign territory for them since they didn't know each other that well. Soon, they heard Charlie and Hugo cheering and they broke the kiss they shared, slightly embarrassed by their public display of affection.
"You know, Jack said that it isn't safe for the baby to spend so much time in this sun," Alice told Claire when visiting her on the beach the next morning. She really needed to get away from the caves for a while and maybe even from the man in question himself. She didn't regret what happened between her and the doctor, but she was afraid it was a little bit too soon. Also, she needed to shake off the fact that she'd seemed to see and talk to her dead sister. Or something that pretended to be Anne. Or just a hallucination evoked by her mind. In the end, Jack was right, Anne would never want Alice to just give up. She would want her to live and be happy. And she could still find that happiness, couldn't she? She was still young and if she survived the island, she would still have more years ahead of her than behind.
"So I'm supposed to move to the caves just because Jack says so?" Claire asked, clearly teasing her friend.
"Well, he is a doctor, isn't he?"
"And more than that," Claire added. "At least he's more than that to you."
Alice shot her a surprised look. "What are you...?" she started, but then Claire interrupted her.
"Oh, come on! Don't play innocent with me! I see the way you two look at each other."
"Well, if you absolutely have to know, we did kiss," Alice revealed and Claire squealed in excitement.
"Of course I absolutely have to know! You know, I might have my wild days behind me because of this buddy here," the blonde patted her stomach, "but I'll have you know that I was quite the party girl once!"
"You were?" Alice asked in surprise when sitting next to her friend.
"Oh, don't be so shocked! All these people on the beach see me as a young mother and nothing more! Well, maybe a girl who made a mistake, but the truth is that I used to dye my hair black and work for a tattoo/piercing studio."
"Are you serious?" Now Alice was simply in shock. She was talking to a girl who seemed to be as sweet as pie, after all.
"Of course I'm serious," Claire confirmed and then saddened, clearly thinking about her past. "Anyway," she said, shaking it off, "you go, girl! You couldn't have done better than Jack!"
"It's just so… complicated," Alice then said when biting on her lip. "He... he actually saved me."
"Good," Claire told her friend when patting her shoulder. "We should expect and need more from men than just romance. I mean, look where it's gotten me!" She put her hands on her protruding stomach again.
"Yeah, we really do," Alice admitted with a sigh when thinking about it. Then she spotted Charlie walking out of the jungle, bringing Claire water.
She quickly said her goodbye, then repeated that the young mother really should move and was dismissed again with Claire's never-fading smile.
"Charlie!" Alice called out to the guy and ran to him before he reached Claire. She quickly explained the situation to him and asked him to do anything he could to convince the blonde to go to the caves. "Maybe she'll listen to you. I know she's all cool about being on the beach, but this is serious. If she exposes her child to too much sun, there might be complications."
"Sure, I'll try," Charlie agreed willingly. "No problem. I care about her too."
"Thanks." Alice sent him a smile and then she heard Jack's angry voice. Apparently, he was on the beach and right now screaming at Sawyer.
She'd actually never seen Jack being so angry with someone so far…
"Hey, what's happening?" she asked when making her way to them.
"Shannon has asthma and he has her inhaler!" Jack screamed, pointing at the other guy.
Alice quickly assessed the situation. She didn't care what had caused Sawyer to be the way he was now. She simply detested the guy. He must've had some serious problems, but she had them as well and no one saw her harming the other out of spite or simply refusing to help. No, she'd only hurt herself. Then she spotted Kate on the beach and got an idea.
"Jack, he's not going to tell you anything like this," she gently said to her boyfriend (?) - she started wondering about what they actually were to each other. Only then she just shook her head, leaving that for later. "Come, I have an idea." She took his hand and pulled gently.
"A girl's life's at stake here," Jack reminded her.
"Trust me, I understand it better than anyone," Alice assured him and the tone of her voice convinced him to listen.
"Let me talk to her," she said when pointing Kate.
"Why?" He didn't seem to understand.
"Because she and Sawyer have been hanging together a lot. If anyone can convince him to say or give anything to us, I think it's her. After all, you would listen to me, wouldn't you?"
"Ok, you got a point there," Jack agreed with a nod. "And thanks for the quick thinking."
"No problem." She started off in Kate's direction.
"Oh, and Alice?"
"Yeah?" She turned back to Jack.
"I'm sorry I didn't find you in the morning."
"It's ok, Jack, it's all still fresh. Besides, Shannon needs you more right now."
"But are you all right today?"
"Yes, I am," Alice confirmed, knowing that he had to hear her say it in order to stop worrying about her. "I promised, remember?"
"Yeah, I do." He smiled sadly at her and then watched her go talk to Kate. She understood that it was because he was worried that he might not be able to help Shannon, after all.
Kate was willing to help, but after she talked to Sawyer, she came back to Jack empty-handed. Now Alice sat down by Shannon's side, watching her on Jack's request (he couldn't really relay on Boone since the guy never stopped panicking) while the doctor himself was rummaging through all the medicine in the caves, desperately hoping to find something he might've missed before.
Then Sawyer made the mistake of showing up in the caves and Jack lost it when hitting him twice. "Where is it?!" he kept on yelling at the blond guy.
Alice truly did not know what to do and quite frankly, Jack scared her a little. He got so angry that Sayid and Hugo had to drag him away from Sawyer. Then Alice pushed the fear away, thinking how the doctor never gave up on trying to save somebody and she actually understood how frustrating it must've been for him, knowing that the medicine was out there somewhere in the other guy's secret stash. If she thought more about it, she would probably act the same in Jack's shoes. Was Sawyer even serious? Would he really let an innocent young woman die out of spite? Well, maybe Shannon wasn't so innocent, but it wasn't like she killed anyone. It shouldn't have been Kate in those handcuffs on the plane, it should've been Sawyer, Alice thought when standing up and going over to Jack.
"Are you all right?" she asked when stopping right in front of him and placing her hand on his shoulder. His chest was rising and falling rapidly and he couldn't look her in the eye at the moment. She had an inkling as to why.
"Stay with Shannon," Jack eventually said, but he still didn't look at her. Sawyer was gone by now, so the doctor turned to Sayid, "I need your help."
The Iraqi only nodded in response and they both disappeared somewhere. Alice could only sigh and come back to her sick friend. She really hoped this wasn't the end of a shockingly short relationship she seemed to have with Jack.
After a whole night of staying vigilant by Shannon's side, Alice slept till noon the next day and when she finally woke up, she realized that her blonde friend was breathing normally.
"Did they find the inhaler?" she asked Boone and he only shook his head in response.
"They tortured the guy, can you believe that?" he informed. "And all of that to hear that he didn't have it in the first place."
"What?" Alice stood up, shocked. "Then why didn't he just say so?"
"How am I supposed to know what's running through a crazy man's head?" Boone just asked. "Sun helped Shannon in the end. She used eucalyptus."
Alice didn't really know what to think of it all. And she really needed to speak to Jack.
He seemed to sense that she was awake and wanted to talk because he left Shannon's side and came over.
She was actually afraid of their upcoming conversation after the previous day, after what she'd witnessed and what she just heard from Boone. When her eyes finally met Jack's, she realized how burdened he seemed to be and she wanted nothing more than to hold him and make him feel better.
He stopped right next to her, his sight not leaving her eyes and then he started off into the jungle. She knew what it was all about. He wanted to talk to her in private.
Finally, they seemed to be alone and far enough from both camps.
Then Jack finally spoke, ''Alice, I'm sorry."
"It's all right. Jack, you were just doing everything you could to help her. I get it. Everyone has the right to lose control sometimes. I'm actually relieved that you're not perfect. I know I'm not," she said, really meaning it.
Suddenly, he chuckled, "You're relieved? And why is that?"
"Because perfections are boring and you can never really rise to their standards," she answered with a shrug.
"Well, maybe you're right. Or maybe I just think I should be perfect and can't," he suddenly confessed. "I want to be the perfect doctor, perfect healer and I... just can't," he repeated with a heavy sigh. "I'd do anything to save people, even if I had to harm those standing in the way. What I let happen yesterday..." Jack only shook his head at the memory. "What I allowed Sayid to do... it was unethical and it was all for nothing."
"It wasn't your fault, Jack," Alice told him after thinking it over. "Sawyer should've told you the truth sooner instead of playing sick games. You did what you had to do to save those in need and in the end it was his choice to accept that and not yours. He could've stopped you any time and he didn't. You did nothing a police officer wouldn't do." She did wonder for a moment there about the why of it all. Why would Sawyer choose torture over truth? Did he feel like he had to be punished for something? Then again, it wasn't her business.
"I said yes to Sayid, but then almost immediately... I regretted it," Jack said and Alice could see the remorse on his face clearly. "I went too far and I know it."
"It's because you do what you have to, Jack and because you have a soul. It's only human to feel this way." When she said that, she closed the distance between them and put her arms around him.
"I thought you might not want to see me ever again after all of this," he revealed his fears to her when burying his face in her hair.
"Not a chance," she assured him when stroking his back. "I'm with you, Jack." He felt so huge and solid against her small form and she clang to him like to a lifeline. Still, even though she seemed to be so fragile in comparison to him, something told her that right now she was his savior.
As they were standing like that, Alice saw something above Jack's shoulder and she smiled. Charlie succeeded. Somehow he managed to convince Claire to move to the caves.