It happened when Alice, Jack, Charlie and Hugo played golf one afternoon. Alice – still a very inexperienced golfer – sent the ball flying far into the jungle and went to look for it with Jack, not giving up and still hoping to get back to the hole. She'd lose anyway, but at least her effort would count for something.
"Here, I've got it!" Jack called out to her when he finally spotted the ball – a real miracle since he was sure they wouldn't find it. "Alice?" he asked when he didn't hear any response and then he looked at her, seeing her staring at something in the jungle with a terrified expression on her face. Once he followed that direction, he gasped himself on seeing a tall, dark-skinned man carrying unconscious Sawyer on his shoulders.
"Where's the doctor?" the stranger asked.
"What-what happened?" Alice stammered and when she was finally able to move, she ran towards the man.
"Alice!" Jack still called after her, trying to stop her. "He can be dangerous!"
"He just brought Sawyer back!" she argued as she reached them and quickly checked the pulse when pressing two of her fingers into her friend's neck. "What happened?" she asked again in a shaky tone.
"He got shot," the stranger answered simply.
"How?!" Jack queried incredulously when following Alice and trying to help the man carry Sawyer.
"I got this," the stranger assured him. "Just tell me where the doctor is."
"I am the doctor. Come with me!" Jack quickly gave the command, leaving the forgotten golf ball behind and leading the stranger straight to the hatch.
"Who are you?" Alice asked him on the way.
"I'm from the tail section of the plane. We landed in the ocean on the other part of the island," the man finally explained.
"How many?" Jack wanted to know. "Where's the rest?"
"Only a few of us survived," the answer eventually came. He didn't seem to be a very talkative person. "Your friends. They were attacked by them."
Jack only nodded as though it explained everything and it actually did. The fact that the others had guns only made him worry more.
They finally reached the hatch and Alice opened the door, letting the man with Sawyer in, then she and Jack followed.
"Into the shower! We need to beat the fever!" Jack commanded and once the man left Sawyer there, Alice immediately turned the cold water on. Then she just stood still, staring at James's unconscious and shaking figure; terrified for his life, terrified of what might've happened out there on the raft. Had Shannon actually been right when she'd said she'd seen Walt in the jungle? Alice suddenly wondered, her face paling. She really wanting to ask the blonde about it, but James was more important at the moment.
Suddenly, she realized that Jack was talking to her, telling her what he needed, so she ran to his medicine cabinet.
By the time she came back, Jack transported Sawyer onto a bed and for a change, the blond actually started to shake with cold.
"He needs antibiotics," the doctor stated, but Alice already figured that much, handing him everything she brought.
"Holy… what happened?! Who's that guy out there?!" Charlie asked as he came over.
"Charlie!" Alice yelled to him once she saw him. "Get Kate! Just go and get Kate, ok?!"
The man nodded and disappeared.
"Do you think he'll make it?" Alice asked Jack when sitting on the edge of the bed and stroking Sawyer's forehead gently. He was so hot, she thought worryingly, so hot and in the same time he was shaking like he was freezing.
"I don't know," Jack admitted, really wishing he'd had a better answer, but he didn't want to give Alice any false hope. "I'll do my best. At least we have antibiotics," he added and she only nodded at that.
A few minutes later, Kate got in and just stood frozen in the door once she spotted Sawyer.
"What…? How…?"
"He got shot by the others," Alice quickly explained when getting up so the other woman could take her place by Sawyer's side.
In that moment, they heard the main door opening and closing again and Sun with Michael came running.
"We need to get Sayid back!" Michael screamed, not seeming to notice that everyone present was shocked to see him there alive and healthy.
"Why?" Jack frowned when coming out of the bedroom with Alice. "What's going on? Michael, what...?"
"They… they took Walt," the man in question explained in a shaky voice and Alice gasped, pressing her hand into her mouth. "The others. They… destroyed our raft, shot Sawyer and took Walt."
Rousseau hadn't been lying, after all when she'd said that the others would come for a child, Alice realized.
"We swam back to the island and met the survivors from the tail section of the plane. We were coming back here, but…" Michael came to a stop. "Shannon is dead. There's been a mistake. They thought she was one of them and… she was there with Sayid… she was shot dead. And they're keeping Sayid hostage now! We need to save him!"
Alice felt dizzy when hearing of all of that and she nearly stumbled. Shannon… Shannon was dead?
"No," she then said when shaking her head, denial hitting her full on. "No, she can't be… no…"
"I'm sorry," Michael's voice softened.
Sawyer had been shot. Walt had been taken. Shannon was dead.
Alice nearly couldn't take it all in at once. Shannon was her friend. Sawyer was just about her best friend on this island and Walt… Walt was just a kid!
She immediately felt Jack's arms closing around her from behind and she managed to take a deep breath once she felt him there alive and breathing. She still had him. And James was still breathing. She might be losing everyone else she cared about, but the people she cared about the most were still there, she reminded herself, though not ready to acknowledge how much the latter had grown to mean to her.
"Ok, we'll go. We'll take the guns and go for Sayid," Jack decided in that moment.
"No!" Alice heard herself say before she even thought to do so. "No! It's dangerous!" She turned around and faced Jack. "I can't lose you, too!"
Before he managed to say anything to that, the stranger – who'd finally introduced himself as Mr. Eko – suddenly spoke, "Stop." It wasn't much, but at least he supported Alice and she was grateful for it. "What do you want?" he then asked Jack. "Peace? Revenge? Justice? What do you want?"
"I want everyone safely back here, but I can't have that now, can I?"
"Ana Lucia made a mistake," Mr. Eko said in an unwavering voice.
"What did you just say?" Jack's expression changed significantly on hearing the name.
"Ana Lucia made a mistake," the man repeated patiently.
"Ana Lucia," Jack repeated, sudden recognition in his eyes.
"You know her?" Alice asked in surprise.
"I'll take you to her," Eko suddenly agreed. He must've read Jack's expression and come to a conclusion that the doctor wouldn't hurt Ana if he, indeed knew her. Maybe he could even help her, reach her in a way no one else could anymore. "But only you," he emphasized. "And no guns."
"But…" Alice was ready to protest again. If that Ana Lucia had a gun, was it even safe? How could they know that she wouldn't hurt Jack anyway?
"I'll be fine," Jack assured her quickly. "I met her at the airport back in Australia and we talked a bit."
"It doesn't mean she won't hurt you, Jack."
"She won't. I promise," he assured Alice. "I don't believe she really wanted to hurt Shannon either."
"It was an accident," Eko confirmed.
Alice only sighed, watching Jack leave with the huge African.
Alice was watching Sayid digging up a grave for Shannon, her heart aching at the devastating sight. She couldn't even imagine what he must feel at the moment. How did one just go on when the person they loved most was dead? How did they handle digging up the grave with their own hands? The others had offered to help, but Sayid had refused, wanting to do it alone.
Suddenly, there was a pair of warm arms enveloping her from behind and she leaned against a very strong and very familiar chest.
"Are you all right?" Jack asked with care in his voice.
"No," she answered honestly since he would know if she lied anyway. "One more person is… lost to us. Dead. Just… gone. And she was a friend… How's Sawyer?"
"Still not present and fevering, but I think he's better than before," Jack answered. "Kate's staying with him now. I'm actually glad that she offered. I wanted to be here for you."
"Thank you, Jack. You know how much this means to me."
Once the grave was ready, Sayid laid Shannon's body there gently and said a few words. He said that he loved her and on hearing that, Alice shook a little and then felt Jack's arms automatically tighten around her.
She really didn't want to think that one day it might happen to her. That one day she might lose the love of her life, too. Still, she'd had enough of bad luck and she hoped that the streak would soon end. She was tired of losing and she could only be glad that Sawyer seemed to be doing better.
"Hi, there, sweetheart!" James called out to her when he saw her coming over. She just heard that he was awake and responsive and used the moment Kate left his side. "How are you?"
"How am I?" she asked incredulously. "You're the one who's gotten shot! I was really worried there, you know."
"And it's so good to hear that," he told her while smiling that familiar smile of his. Sometimes she hated it, but right now she was just glad it was back. "And didn't you get the nicknames mixed there? Why am I a sweetheart and Kate is just freckles?"
"If I called Kate a sweetheart, she would be a completely different person," he just said. "And don't worry. I'm not trying to steal you from the doc," he added quickly as an afterthought.
"Well, I surely hope not," Jack suddenly spoke when coming over. "How are you feeling?"
"Like crap, but better. It's actually great, doc! I'm surrounded by girls worrying about me!"
"So far, I've only seen two," Jack pointed out.
"Buzz kill," Sawyer murmured under his breath. "It's just like waking up in a bunk bed and finding out that you're not really rescued! Kate actually had to help me outside to prove me wrong!"
In that moment, the alarm sounded and Jack left them to push the button.
"Yeah, and I so don't want to hear more about that one," James warned Alice as she was already opening her mouth.
"Do you know that Shannon's dead?" she asked instead.
"Yeah, I do and I'm sorry," he said, his tone growing serious.
It was so new to Alice that he actually cared, that he seemed to have changed while being away. Simply put, he wasn't such a jerk anymore and all of that just pushed the tears back into her eyes and down her cheeks.
"Hey, don't cry. I'm no good with crying."
"Show me a man who is," Alice nearly laughed at that.
"I think you got one," he told her and she actually had to admit that he was right. Only maybe Jack was good with tears, because he wasn't ashamed of them himself like most men usually were.
Sawyer didn't know what else to say, so eventually he reached for her and she settled her head on his arm. She really needed to stop being so emotional. Maybe… starting from tomorrow, she decided, not feeling particularly strong that day.
Alice was surprised when she came back to the hatch after seeing Claire and it stood empty. Jack was supposed to be on button duty. Before she started panicking, she managed to hear muffled voices coming from the armory.
"Jack?!" she called out when coming closer to the door.
Soon enough, she got the whole picture. Michael had locked both Jack and John inside to get to the weapons and be able to go after Walt. Locke told Alice the code to the door and she let them out immediately.
"We need to go after him!" Jack said without even acknowledging her presence and it kind of hurt.
"What? No! Are you crazy?! This could be dangerous! Michael's walking straight towards them!" Alice protested loudly. She hated that Jack was such a hothead sometimes. They'd already lost Shannon and almost lost Sawyer. They couldn't lose Michael, Jack and Locke as well.
"Michael went to get Walt again?" they suddenly heard Sawyer's voice coming from the door. "Damn that guy! Again?" he made sure.
"Jack, you really shouldn't go," Alice repeated when forcing him to look at her.
"I can't lose any more of our people," he just told her, finally looking back.
"Then I'll go with…" she started, but he was already shaking his head at her.
"You're not going."
"But…"
"You're not going," he repeated harshly. "I'm sorry, but you will only slow us down and you don't really know how to handle a weapon."
Before Alice threw a fit, Sawyer volunteered to go instead. She was grateful to him for sensing how hurt she was by Jack's harsh words even though she knew he didn't really mean them. He was just focusing on the task at hand and the safety of his people, including her own and… she just now realized – focusing on fixing what was broken and right now, it was getting Michael back.
"I'll go and keep my eye on the doc," James assured her.
"You're still on antibiotics," Jack pointed out on hearing that.
"Then it's a good thing I'll have a doctor travelling with me."
Once they were all gone and Alice was stuck on button duty, she had nothing to do but worry and think. She could understand the reasoning behind Jack's words. She would really be of no use out there chasing after Michael, but still, she was worried. And Jack didn't exactly care for her being hurt either. She'd been pushing this away from her mind for a while now, choosing to believe him wherever he assured her that he wasn't with her in order to fix her, that he was with her because he chose so, but the doubt was still there in her mind, eating her up.
Jack was chasing Michael, determined to get him back and seeing no other option. He did remember what everyone always told him. That he couldn't let go. He just couldn't stop fixing things. He came back in his mind to the time of his marriage or rather its end. He'd neglected Sarah, felt obligated towards her instead of just being in love with her. He hadn't even imagined giving up and leaving her. He simply couldn't do that to her, but he hadn't been paying much attention to her either. The truth was that he'd been distant, his whole life revolving around the hospital. The one who'd finally let go had been Sarah herself when she'd gotten herself into an affair and then quickly after her divorce with Jack, married the other guy. And Jack… Jack, although he'd felt like he'd failed, had also been relieved that it'd just been over.
Jack did go back that night and Alice felt both relieved and stressed out, if that was even possible. She let out what seemed like a long held breath when she finally spotted him, but then something else tightened in her chest. She didn't want to be a thing that needed fixing, she wanted to be more. She wanted to simply be loved.
"How was it?" she asked when Jack joined her on the couch in the hatch. "Are you best friends with Sawyer already?" she then asked, trying to lighten up the mood a bit.
"Well, his girlfriend didn't listen to me and followed us anyway, nearly getting us all killed, so no, I don't think so," Jack answered her harshly, apparently in no mood for jokes and Alice only grew sadder. As always, he was just angry at Kate. Only if he'd told Kate to stay behind the same way he'd told it to Alice, then Alice wasn't really surprised that the girl hadn't listened. If only she'd herself known her way around the jungle and a gun, she would've gone anyway as well.
"Was it really that bad?" she made sure, just making small talk by now.
Jack sighed heavily and rubbed his eyes. "We don't have Michael or Walt and we lost the guns we took, so yeah, it pretty much was that bad. And there's more of them. The others, I mean. But I guess we already suspected as much as well."
They were sitting in silence for a while, before he actually prompted, "Alice, I can tell that something's bothering you, so just drop it and say it."
For a moment, she hesitated, biting on her lip, but then she decided to just get it out, "Ok, here it goes…" If he asked for it himself… "Jack, I… I can't help but think sometimes that you'll always need something… or someone to fix."
"That's what Sarah once told me," he said both to her astonishment and dread. "But Alice, I am not with you because I want to fix your heart," he told her. "I am with you because I want you. Listen…" he hesitated for a moment, "I'm not proud of it, but there was this woman... She was the daughter of a man I was to operate on. The cancer in his spine was malicious and he practically had no chance, but he asked me to operate anyway since he heard about Sarah. I got it all out, but he died during the procedure because of weak heart and his daughter, she… she was crying and she thanked me for trying and then… she just kissed me. And for a moment there, I was kissing her back," Jack confessed when staring at the wall as though he could see his memories reflected there. "Eventually, I pulled away, horrified that I was married and I was kissing another woman, but then… I came back home and I told Sarah what happened and… she was going to leave me even before that. She met someone else." A shadow crossed over Jack's face and Alice could tell that it hurt him that he'd failed at something. "I went after Michael because I wanted to fix things," he started again and shifted his eyes back to Alice. "I married Sarah because I wanted to fix her heart and spine since her fiancé left her and I let that woman, Gabrielle, kiss me because she was hurting and needed someone, but… I didn't save you because I wanted to fix you or your heart," he confessed and Alice just didn't understand what he was saying to her. "I helped you for me. I did it to fix me. Because I really needed you."
"I… I don't understand, Jack," she finally admitted, still trying to wrap her mind around all of this. Was that a good or a bad thing?
"Maybe it's selfish, but I helped you because I needed you. I knew… I felt that you could be the one person who could fix me for a change. I needed to fall in love. So, I wasn't trying to fix you. I tried to help myself by helping you. Does this make any sense?"
"I… I don't know. I guess… I guess time will show, right?" she responded, still not sure of how she felt about it. "And I don't think we can even find that out before we get out of this island…" she then added, hinting at the elephant in the room.
Jack's expression darkened and he nodded.
"Did you change Sawyer's bandage today?" she then followed with, desperate to change the topic, to be talking just about anything other than them. Because right now, she still felt like they were a mess and there was no way out of it where they were.
"Hello there!" Sawyer called out to Alice naughtily when he got out of the ocean and noticed her pacing on the beach.
"You're so full of yourself," she just told him, "but at least this time you have your swimming trunks on."
"Wait… You heard about that?" he asked, momentarily caught off track. "From Kate?"
"Not directly, but you know, it's a small beach. People see stuff."
"It ain't that small," he murmured under his nose and then took a closer look at her face. "Why are you so nervous, sweetheart?"
"Because Jack's ransacking your tent as we speak and I'm not sure how I feel about it," she finally confessed.
"What?!" For a moment there, Sawyer thought it was a joke, but deep down inside he knew it really wasn't. Especially not when he could actually see someone moving in his tent.
"Sawyer, wait," Alice warned him.
"Get outta my way!" He walked right past her and just then, Jack left his tent. Of course, they got into an argument which ended with Sawyer pissed and Jack walking away from him with the medicine.
"Listen," Alice couldn't stand it any longer, so she came over to James to talk, "you having all the medicine makes no sense. You're not a doctor."
"Of course you're by his fucking side!" Sawyer cursed.
"I'm sorry," Alice just said and sighed. She so didn't like being stuck between those two. "I get Jack, but I still don't like the way he went about it. Then again… you wouldn't just give it back to us even if I or Kate asked, would you?"
Sawyer didn't answer, but he didn't have to. Alice knew the truth, so she just turned around and caught up with Jack.
"Just say it," he finally encouraged her when they were making their way back to the hatch.
"Say what?"
"That I shouldn't have done it like that. That I put you in a terrible position. After all, Sawyer is your friend."
"To be honest, Jack, sometimes I have no freaking idea what he is to me. I care about him and I understand him, but right now…" She just shook her head and Jack looked at her to see the expression on her face. "We both know how he is," she went on. "He's not an easy man to talk to or to spend time with and he can be very stubborn. I mean… remember what happened when he pretended to have Shannon's inhaler? I'll just… I won't say anything. I think getting the medicine was the right thing to do. I just wish he was more helpful and easier to talk to."
"Yeah, once the hell freezes over," Jack commented and then laughed at his own joke. Eventually, Alice chuckled as well since she didn't know how else to react. She could only do so much. The rest was up to Sawyer and if he didn't want to change, then there was nothing she could do to make it all easier for him. She did remember how he'd immediately given her the alcohol when Boone had gotten injured. Why couldn't he just do something like this now? What had changed since he'd been shot on the raft and nearly died? Everybody around him had been helping him. Without those people, James wouldn't have even been alive now, so why was he back to his old habits?
As though they didn't have enough problems, Sun was allegedly attacked by the others. Allegedly since they didn't really have any proof and the bag Kate found in the jungle seemed somehow different from the one that had been put over her own head when the others had caught her. There was also one more thing – the others had promised not to disturb the survivors as long as they stayed in the appointed territory and wouldn't cross the line. None of them had done it so far, so it really made no sense to why they would be attacked.
Jack and the rest decided to go and get the guns just to be on the safe side and Alice didn't know what to think of that either. On one hand, she wanted them all to be safe and on the other, she was worried that they would get out of control. Still, wasn't it actually better for those survivors who could shoot to carry a gun just in case? If they couldn't trust each other, then they would all soon be lost anyway. At times like those, she really wished she could've been home already. Safe and sound.
On their way to the hatch, Alice grabbed Jack's hand and just had to ask, "Are you really sure about this?"
"I wish we didn't have to do this, but we need protection. What if Sun didn't manage to get free and attract Kate and Sawyer with her screams? What would happen then? We just can't risk it."
Alice nodded silently and they walked to the hatch hand in hand.
Only once they arrived at the place, there was no Locke in there and no guns. Instead, Sawyer was just sitting by the computer, looking all relaxed and happy, which pretty much meant that he'd once again gotten exactly what he'd wanted. And right now that was probably crossing Jack when warning Locke beforehand that the doctor would be coming for the guns.
The situation only got worse when back on the beach, Jack, Locke and a lot of other people started to argue about trust and handling the guns properly. In that moment, Sawyer shot out into the sky, declaring himself the man to go to for things like weapons or medicine. In the end, he'd conned them all, antagonizing his own people against one another.
"When I was out there, trying to save your lives and risking my own in the process, you took all my stuff! It's all gone!" he was just explaining and Alice finally understood what his grudge was all about. "You just took it like I was never going back! You took my place to sleep, my shaving cream, my books, my pills!"
"So this is your revenge?!" she couldn't help but ask. And she also couldn't believe that she'd forgiven him for everything before he'd sailed off. She'd really thought he'd changed. Maybe he had for a moment there, but apparently, the tiger didn't change its stripes. Sawyer was pushing people away and making them hate him all over again.
Only this time Alice didn't even bother slapping him. She simply shot him a look full of disappointment and turned around to leave, Jack following. And to think that barely days before, she'd been crying in Sawyer's arms when she'd told him about Shannon's death! She couldn't believe that man could be so treacherous and it really hurt.
"Hi," Kate said when finding her in the hatch and sitting next to her on the couch. Jack was on the beach, seeing if everyone was all right while Alice was stuck on button duty.
"Hi," she answered, not really knowing how to talk to the other woman and why she came to find her in the first place. They weren't enemies, far from it, but they weren't much of friends either.
"I thought… I really thought he was a better man on the inside, you know?" Kate then started.
"You mean Sawyer?" Alice guessed, still not getting why the woman was talking to her about him. Apparently, there was nothing like an almost-girlfriend and a friend bonding after the man they both cared about betrayed them, yet, once again.
"I didn't want to believe that everything about him was bad. I told myself he was the way he was because of the real Sawyer, because of the man who caused his parents' death. How could I be so stupid? I'm just another woman blinded by feelings and I thought I was smarter than that."
"We always think so until it happens to us," Alice finally said, getting over the initial shock that Kate actually wanted to talk to her about personal stuff. "I just can't understand him," she then confessed when meeting Kate's eyes. "He seemed to want to genuinely change and now… this." She threw her hands up into the air. "I care about him, too," she said when seeing the look on the other woman's face, "but I am done trying. He had his chance."
"You know, all my life I either find people like Sawyer or hurt those who seem to be better," Kate confessed, suddenly getting very personal. "And we weren't even together. Not really," she then added.
That came as a surprise to Alice, but then again, it wasn't like she could really be sure. She appreciated Kate's honesty, though and hoped to maybe finally get to know her better. She'd so far lost both her female friends and now also a male. Shannon was dead and unfortunately, Claire wasn't the same after she'd come back from the others. She still had holes in her memory and the bond that had been there before, was gone now.
"Oh, don't even think for a second that Jack is such a saint!" Alice followed with a confession. "He's probably the most stubborn person you'll ever meet in your entire life and he's always desperate to fix everything."
"Yeah, he likes to play the hero. You know, the fact that Sawyer wasn't trying to prove anything and sacrifice everything for the greater good actually made it easier for me to want to get closer to him. I… I'm done losing people. I'd lost too many before I landed here," Kate told Alice. "And then he actually decided to play that freaking hero when getting on the raft."
"Was that the reason you wanted his place so badly?"
"No. I wanted to get away before the cops would find me, but I think that a part of me also wanted him to be safe. I didn't care about my life. I was either a runner or a dead person anyway."
"Kate, what is it that you really did?" Alice got curious.
"You have some alcohol in here? We can talk then," Kate suggested with a smile.
"Sorry. All the alcohol was taken by no one else but Sawyer, but there's still some Dharma coffee in the kitchen."
"Oh, coffee! All right! You push the button, I'll make coffee and we can pull an all-nighter in the hatch!"
"Deal!"
Once an hour later Jack came back, he smiled on seeing Kate and Alice sitting on the couch, drinking coffee and talking while some music was playing. He silently retreated, deciding to get some sleep. Alice deserved a friend to talk to.