A new small consciousness entered the unending darkness. Within it the small consciousness found only fear. The void threatened to consume it. This was the place for the lost, fragmented, and scared souls.

Where am I?

The little consciousness found its voice, but the sound was foreign to it. All it knew was fear of the darkness.

It's really dark here.

In the nothingness this fragmented soul felt pitiful and small.

I'm so alone,

Where is everyone?

Who is everyone?

In this darkness, there was no need for memory. The small souls that remained, only did so because the intensity of their emotions wouldn't let them go. Their emotions kept them from being consumed. But as they stared into the darkness, their memories slowly faded. Their emotions would soon follow.

Who… am I?

Oh, I don't, I don't know who I am?

With the realization despair began to take hold, as the soul withered away. It felt defeated, hopeless and it would soon join the nothingness. And yet it found strange relief in that. To let yourself be consumed into nothing.

Maybe this is good. Not knowing who I am.

The little frightened voice found solace in that, in giving up. Because it didn't see the point anymore. Not if it was all alone, without knowing who it was or was supposed to be.

OK, if there's nothing…

And if I'm alone.

Then let's just be nothing.

The soul gave up and let the darkness consume it. There were no more memories, no more names, no more self. Soon it would lose whatever self-awareness there was left.

"No!" A familiar voice broke through the intensity of her sorrow.

A glimmer of hope surfaced and reached into the darkness.

W-who's there? the little voice asked. There was so much fear in her. Hope scared it.

"It's me baby, take my hand!"

Take your hand? But I don't have any… The small voice panicked because it was made of nothing, it didn't have anything to reach with and it fell deeper into the darkness.

"Yes, you do, Beca! Just hold out your hand."

Beca? Who's Beca?

"You are! Your name is Beca!"

I-I'm Beca?

"Yes you are, you are my Beca and I'm your Chloe."

You are… My Chloe?

"Yes! We're married and we have a wonderful daughter, now please baby, just take my hand."

Married? Daughter? What? I'm sorry I just- I can't remember.

"It's OK, I'll help you remember, just reach for me."

I don't know, please just leave me alone.

"No! I will never leave you!"

Please, can you please just let me go?

"Beca, I will never, ever let you go." Chloe sounded so serious and it confused the voice. Why would anyone feel so strongly over nothing? How did this tiny scared voice earn someone so self-assured, so strong and so willing to break through this darkness?

Why not? I'm just so tired.

"Because you have people that love you Beca!"

Love?

"There's so many people here that love you, Beca. I love you, your daughter loves you, your friends love you, please… Baby please just- please reach for me."

Love. There was so much in that small word, there was pain but somehow it was wonderful pain. The small pitiful voice didn't know how but she tried her hardest to extend something, a small fragment of itself, in the direction that the voice was coming from.

"That's it! Keep doing it!" Chloe encouraged.

Chloe...

I'm so scared Chloe. I can't see you.

"I know baby, but you are doing great, I can almost see you!"

The name Chloe sounded so beautiful and comforting. Whoever this person was had a such a kind voice and more than anything the little voice wanted to hold her hand. She didn't know how, but she continued to extend fragments of itself towards the voice.

I want to hold your hand so much...

The little voice pleaded, please let me hold her hand.

"That's it! That's it, baby, I got you! Hold on!"

The small scared voice whimpered Chloe and suddenly felt herself being pulled away from the darkness and into the light.

When she opened her eyes, she was surrounded by a white light. She breathed out in relief. It wasn't dark anymore. She went to cover her eyes from the blinding light. She had hands, and she looked at them in surprise. The once small and frail voice in the darkness was a whole person again. She touched herself everywhere, wanting to be certain. She pinched her cheek and felt the subtle sting and smiled.

"I'm back?"

She looked around, but there was nothing, just light. Her memories were slowly coming back to her and she remembered who she was. "I'm Beca… OK I got that, but where am I?" Beca asked the emptiness.

"I'm not sure, but I like to think this is kinda like my version of heaven," a familiar voice said from behind her.

"Chlo!" Beca's heart screamed and she turned. Chloe stood in front of her, in the very center of the light. She wore a white sundress that flowed without care. Her red hair glowed with an ethereal light, and its gentle waves danced along with the dress. Her pale cerulean blue eyes were warm and offered the reassurance she desperately needed. And her smile was everything to her. It was a little bit playful, sheepish and Beca had once lived for that smile. The irony wasn't lost on her.

Chloe was an angelic vision that represented her salvation and her redemption.

My Chloe?

Beca's mouth hung open in disbelief and she covered it with her hands. Her eyes slowly welled up with tears and her breath came in short, shallow gasps. She couldn't believe what she was seeing.

"I-Is that really you? Chloe?" Her voice trembled with uncertainty and fear.

"Hi babe, told you I'd never let you go," Chloe responded with her best heart-breaker smile and a tilt of her head.

Beca extended her hand but stopped, hesitated and brought it back to her chest. This scared her, what if she wasn't real? What if she'd leave her again? Beca simply couldn't go through that pain of losing her again. But seeing her here, smiling, it was impossibly hard to resist her. Beca lowered her defenses and chose bravery, because Chloe always brought out the very best in her.

Beca extended her hand once more, and Chloe gently took it. When their fingertips touched it, it felt real, warm, and her hands were just as soft as she remembered.

"Oh fuck Chloe! It's really you!" She couldn't hold back anymore and broke down as she fell into Chloe's open arms. She held her tightly and buried her head in her shoulders as tears seeped through her dress, her sobs steadily becoming louder. Chloe ran her hand through her back and hair reassuringly. Beca couldn't stand anymore, she didn't have any strength left and her knees buckled and both women fell to their knees, still holding each other. Chloe wept with her wife. She had wanted to hold Beca again for so long.

"Oh God Chloe, I can't believe you're here." Beca pulled away to get a better look at her, touched her face, her arms, her stomach and then she pinched her arm. "Is it really you? It's totally you right? I'm not dreaming or anything?"

"Ow! What the hell Becs?" Chloe jumped at the sudden jolt of pain.

"I'm sorry I just, I can't believe it. You're here."

Chloe's eyes softened, she couldn't believe it herself. Beca was here, in her light. Chloe pulled her in again and they held each other. Chloe gently lifted her head and kissed her. Beca's eyes shot wide open as they kissed, tears running. The kiss was devastatingly familiar and they could taste the longing in their tears. Beca wished she wasn't crying so hard right now, but she was so happy she couldn't help it. Beca slowly closed her eyes and let Chloe's kiss sweep her away, as it always had. When they pulled away Chloe gently wiped away the tears from Beca's cheeks.

"Hi!" Chloe said

"Hi!" Beca laughed through her tears. She didn't know what else to say. .

They pressed their foreheads against each other. After a minute Chloe gently traced Beca's lips with her fingers and whispered, "I really missed these lips."

"Me too. Like you wouldn't believe how much."

Time froze just for them. Memories kept flooding Beca and she remember what she had done. And how she ended up here, then her eyes shot open wide with the realization. She took a step back. "Chloe I- I think I messed up." Beca choked on the words.

"Yeah, you kinda did." Chloe smiled, nodding sympathetically.

"I'm sorry, I just- I couldn't do it- it was terrible. Everything was just terrible."

"I know, I know baby, I saw."

"Y-you saw?"

"Yeah, I think every time you suffered, every time you remembered, cried for me and needed me I was pulled away, to be there with you."

"You were there? Wait was that you in the bathroom with me? You broke the mirror?"

"Yeah, that was me, sorry about that."

"So you saw me and-"

Chloe interrupted, she didn't want to hear those awful words come out of her. "Oh Becs, why'd you do it?"

"I-I don't know," Beca turned away, feeling ashamed. Ashamed of what she'd done, and ashamed that she couldn't face Chloe. She could feel tears creeping up once more. She closed her eyes and swallowed hard, she knew she had to tell her everything. Even though it hurt so much. "I was scared, I've been so scared for so long. Ever since you've been gone, its just I-I don't know how to do this without you Chloe, I don't know how to be a mom, or keep a house by myself. I just keep fucking everything up."

Beca covered her face with her hands, she wanted to tear her hair off. Chloe closed the distance between them and gently placed both hands on her shoulders forcing Beca to look at her.

"It's OK Beca," Chloe said gently with a soft smile. "Being a mom isn't something you just know, sure there's instinct and all that but in reality it's work, it's something you work at, every day of your life. And the very first thing that a mom has to do is just be there. Be present, Beca."

"Oh god Chlo." Beca turned away once more, leaving Chloe's hands hanging. She hated that she did that but when she looked into Chloe's pale-blue eyes she saw herself, and it hurt.

"Baby," Chloe said gently following her once more.

Beca turned to her, a sad smile on her face.

"I can't even make the stupid mac and cheese the way you used to. Its fucking boxed! And still no matter how much I read the stupid instructions it just doesn't taste the same. Nothing tastes the same Chlo."

"Yeah I saw that too, next time don't use margarine, use the real stuff, unsalted preferably."

"Margarine?" Beca blinked.

"Yeah the stuff in the yellow tub you used, that's margarine,"

"Like there's a difference?"

Chloe smiled, she had forgotten how adorably clueless Beca was in the kitchen. "Yeah, babe, there's a difference. Just use real butter next time."

Beca smiled sadly. "I don't think there's going to be a next time."

"Oh there's going to be a next time." Chloe sounded confident.

"What do you mean? How do you know?"

Chloe turned and looking up shouted, "Because otherwise I'm going to scream again! You hear me up there? There's going to be a next time for her right? I know you're listening!" She knew that whatever it was that was watching over them could hear her. Beca looked in the same direction confused, but she saw nothing just white light all around them.

"Who are you talking to Chlo?"

"I don't really know but don't worry about it, what's important right now is that you have to go back."

Panic washed over Beca. Going back would mean losing Chloe, and facing her daughter and it terrified her. "Can't I stay here with you? I just found you again."

"I wish you could, believe me Becs, I want to spend every second of my time with you but this isn't about us, it's about Harmony, she needs you."

"But-"

"No buts babe, this isn't up for negotiation. Hold on, let me show you something."

Chloe closed her eyes and an image of a memory appeared before them. And before Beca could ask Chloe took her hand and pulled her into the memory.

They were in a hospital room in the Maternity Ward. The remnants of Beca and Chloe stood in a corner watching the past version of Chloe about to give birth. Her face was flushed red and covered in sweat, she was in agony. She screamed as loud as she was able to between puffs. The past version of Beca was there, her face contorted in pain as Chloe crushed her hand.

"Do you remember this day?"

"How could I forget, you dislocated my pinky."

"And I'm still really sorry about that."

"It's OK, it was worth it."

"We worked so hard that day didn't we?"

"We? That was all you Chlo, I barely did anything. I just stood there."

"Stop doing that Becs, stop minimizing everything you've done for us, you were there every step of the way, when I was murderous with hormones, when I threw up almost every damn morning those first few months, and-" Chloe waved at the scene before them. "You were right here when I needed you the most, holding my hand."

"I guess I've never really looked at it that way."

"I know, that's why I need you to see this, I need you to see just how important you are to me and Harmony. Oh! This is my favorite part."

"Congratulations! It's a beautiful girl!" the doctor proclaimed as she lifted up the newborn. Both new mothers stared in disbelief. Chloe's smile was a mixture of brutal exhaustion and heavenly bliss, she'd done it, she'd given birth.

The doctor turned to Beca and asked, "Would you like to do the honors, Mommy?" She handed Beca the cord scissors.

Beca just stared in horror. "Dude, god no, get that thing away from me."

Chloe laughed and even in her delirious state she teased, "Come on Becs, you can do it." She had opted for the epidural.

"You almost fainted!"

"Can you blame me dude? Look at that thing, It's all slimey and bloody."

"But you did it anyway didn't you?"

"I guess I did."

Past Beca looked at her wife that had just gone through the ordeal of childbirth, if Chloe could go through that, she could certainly cut this slimey eldritch looking thing. She held back a gag but with trembling hands she cut the cord.

"Well done Mommy, would you like to hold her?"

Past Beca took a deep breath, she was terrified, but she'd been practicing this, she could do it. And when she took her daughter into her arms she froze and just stared at her. In this moment, in this room there were only two beings in her eyes, her daughter and her wife, everything and everyone else simply faded away. She'd never seen anything or anyone as beautiful as the creature in her hands. And even as a newborn, Beca knew that she looked exactly like Chloe. She understood now, she understood why people always saw their babies as the most beautiful creatures on the planet. The pain in her hand long forgotten, the only thing that mattered was the small bundle in her arms. Beca's eyes teared up, moved by the sheer radiant beauty of her daughter. "Chloe, we have a daughter…" Beca stammered, her voice was breaking slightly and she couldn't believe the words that were coming out of her. All the months leading up to this moment and it never felt real until now and Beca couldn't believe just how full her heart felt.

"Look at your face Becs. Look how happy you were."

"I remember that day, I remember thinking I'd never seen anyone as beautiful as her."

"She is isn't she?"

"Becs, I wanna see my baby, bring her over," Past Chloe asked with a slight slur.

Beca, breaking out of her trance, moved over to her. "Come on baby, let's go meet Mommy," Beca gently handed Chloe the small bundle. Chloe's fatigued momentarily left her when she held her baby. "Oh my God Becs, look at her." Chloe squealed.

"I know, she's so pretty. She looks just like you."

"She does doesn't she? But I can see you too, she's got your nose."

The nurse asked, "Have you ladies thought of a name?" Beca and Chloe looked at each other and smiled. This subject had been highly debated in the Bella's group chat. Everyone had different ideas. But looking at her now, Chloe knew exactly what her daughter's name was. "Her name is Harmony."

Beca smiled in response and said "Perfect."

"I have to go back," the remnant of Beca said, certainty in her voice.

"Yeah babe, you do. Oh I like this part."

The remnants watched as past Beca walked out into the waiting room. She was in a daze, a permanent smile of pure joy across her face. All of the Barden Bellas were there in the waiting room. They all stood up and held their breaths. Aubrey was the first to step up, dragging a tired looking Stacie. Fat Amy came up right behind them, followed by Cynthia-Rose, Emily and Flo and everyone else. They were all eager to hear the news.

"It's a girl, guys!" Beca exclaimed proudly.

And the waiting room of this hospital would never know such explosive joy as all of the women in the room screamed and cheered at the news. They would all have a new Barden Bella sister. A nurse had to come by to shush them before they broke into song.

"You see how happy they are? All our friends?"

"I can't believe I almost forgot. Aubrey slept in the Hospital for two days straight, she didn't wanna leave our side. I had to help Stacie drag her home."

"Aw poor Aubrey. But do you get it now? You are not alone Becs, the Bellas will always be there for you, in life and in death."

The remnant of Beca sighed, why had she resisted asking for help so much? She knew why, it was because they reminded her of Chloe, everything did. And Beca was tired of hurting.

They were pulled out of the memory and were back in the light. They were still holding hands. Beca turned to Chloe and asked, "What if I fuck up again?"

"Oh! Honey! You probably will, but that's OK, we all mess up every once in awhile, that's just being human. But on the plus side you won't be alone. You saw that you have a full battalion of Bellas at your disposal, reach out to them Becs, they want to be there for you but you have to let them."

"Yeah, you are right."

"Look I-I know you've been feeling guilty, but none of this was your fault. I was sick."

"I just wished it had been me, you'd be so much better at this."

"I don't think you realize just how strong you are."

"I don't know about that."

"Maybe you don't, but I do, I know for a fact how strong you are, and I know how much you've been suffering. You can do this Becs."

"What if- what if I don't want to? What if I don't want to do this alone?"

"You won't be alone, I promise."

"How can you promise that?"

"Because I'll watch over you. I'll always watch over you both."

"You'll watch over us?"

"Yeah, whenever you think of me I'll be there, and I'll be watching over you two."

"Chloe, do you promise?"

"Cross my heart." Chloe smiled and omitted the rest, she continued. "Beca there's one last thing, something I wanted to say that night."

Beca braced herself. "Don't say it." She knew where this would lead and she wasn't ready.

"Please let me say this. I think the pain we've been feeling, I think its the price we had to pay for our love. And I think as much as this hurts, its a price I'm willing to pay."

"What are you saying?"

"This hurt," Chloe placed her hand over Beca's heart and gently placed Beca's hand over her own heart. "Our hurt, the reason why it's so strong is because that's how much we loved each other, Beca I think this pain is the price we pay for our love." Chloe smiled sadly.

"We hurt because we love? Is that what you're saying?"

"Yeah, and I think its a good kind of hurt you know."

"A good kind of hurt?" Beca repeated, she wasn't sure she understood. Chloe nodded, she knew Beca would understand when the time was right. Beca looked up and took in the pale blue of Chloe's eyes.

"Thank you." Beca sniffed, she didn't know what to say. She'd never been that good with words.

"Are you saying that you are grateful for all the wonderful memories and the love we shared? And that you will do your very best to take care of Harmony?"

Beca chuckled, and nodded. "That and so much more."

"I know, thank you, for everything. I know what you want to say but can't find the words. It's been a wonderful life and I don't regret a second of our time together. Well-" Chloe giggled and added with a smirk, "I guess the only regret I have, is all the kisses I never got to give you." She punctuated it with a quick kiss.

Beca smiled bashfully. "I-I love you." Beca said softly

"Oh Becs." Chloe laughed as she pulled Beca in for one final hug. "I know, I've been feeling it all this time, it's been there all along right next to the pain, it's what kept me coming back to you." Beca closed her eyes and settled into the hug, it was comfortable, and warm and she smelled like azaleas, like home. "Oh!" Chloe felt a gentle tug. "I think, It's time to go."

"Chloe I don't know if I'm ready." Beca trembled and tightened her embrace, refusing to let go.

"You are more ready than you think."

"I just need one more minute." Beca squeezed Chloe tighter, buried her face deeper and inhaled her, she didn't want this moment to end. But if it must end, she wanted every single second to count.

"I love you so much Becs, Good bye," Chloe whispered, her voice breaking.

Beca sighed, she knew it was time. Her grip on Chloe loosened.

And once more as Beca was pulled away the last thing she saw was her wife, her hand stretched out to her, but this time she was smiling. And so was Beca.

Beca jerked awake and shivered, she was freezing. She was still in the bathtub and the water had grown cold. She was disoriented, and confused. The second she tried to move, she immediately vomited off the side of the tub until there was nothing left but gastric acid that burned. It had hurt so much. Her head was pounding but at least her vision was clearing up, and the fogginess slowly lifted. Without the poison in her system Beca was slowly coming back to life.

"Chloe?" Beca asked, her voice still a bit slurred. She didn't know why that was the first name that escaped her, her wife had been gone for so long now. But still she looked around, almost expecting her to peek her head in. But there was no one, the house was empty. She was alone, but it felt like she was there with her, somehow. Something else caught her attention, there was a smell, and faint but powerful enough to overtake the smell of vomit. It was a smell that only she could discern, Azaleas. She smiled sadly, there was a painful memory there and she saved it for later.

Beca looked down, the floor next to the bathtub was covered in her sick, and she could just barely make out small fragments of the pills she took. She barely remembered taking the pills, she had been so drunk, and in her state she'd tried to kill herself. Shame, and guilt washed over her.

"I'm never drinking again." Beca said.

Looking at the scene she concluded that somehow, she'd been given another chance. And she sighed with relief, and resigned herself not to waste it. She decided that she needed to go look for her phone and go get Harmony.

Beca gingerly stepped over the puddle and wrapped herself with a new robe. She decided to deal with the mess later. Before leaving the bathroom she paused to examine the mirror above the sink, it was cracked along the middle.

"When did that happen?"

Beca kind of remembered the mirror breaking but the memory was fuzzy, dreamlike. She absentmindedly turned the faucet on as she dug deep and tried to remember, it felt important. Her gaze went back to the mess in the tub. She couldn't believe what she'd tried to do. What was she thinking? She knew she'd overdone it with the bourbon and one thing led to another. She felt so stupid, she had a daughter that needed her. She shook her head ashamed. She knew she messed up, and that she needed to get her act together.

"I can't believe I..."

As Beca washed her hands with scalding hot water, steam rose. Words slowly appeared in the mirror. Beca's eyes widened as she read.

I'll watch over you.

EPILOGUE

Some time later. Back in the kitchen Beca studied the yellow tub and read its label. Margarine. She scoffed and threw it in the garbage. She grabbed the stick of real unsalted butter and added a generous amount to the mac and cheese. She tasted the pasta and added a dash of salt until she was satisfied. "Perfect," Beca said, her smile beaming with pride. Little Harmony ran over and latched herself to her side. "Mom!" "Hey, kiddo!" Beca turned and dropped down to her knees. She looked at her daughter's smiling face. Her smile was so pure, so innocent. She looked just so much like Chloe that it hurt but it was a good kind of hurt. Beca finally understood that pain is the price we pay for love. And Beca was certain that she'd never again let her fear of pain stop her from loving her daughter unconditionally. As Beca hugged her daughter, she held on a bit tighter and a bit longer than usual.

The little girl didn't quite understand what was happening but she didn't mind it, she returned her mother's embrace lovingly. Until she whined, "Moooooom, my dress!"

"Sorry kiddo," Beca said and pulled back, discreetly wiping the corner of her eyes. "You hungry?" "Yes!" Harmony said looking up, a few missing baby teeth adorning her smile. That smile that both filled and simultaneously broke her heart. "Good! Go get washed up, dinner will be ready in a few minutes." "OK!" The little girl turned and started to leave and Beca called after her, "Oh! I was thinking how about if after dinner we try and make those cookies together." Harmony stopped and turned around, confused. "Like… Mommy's cookies?" A small twinge of hope in her eyes.

"Yeah! But I think we'll use Nana's recipe so we won't burn them like Mommy did, OK?" The girl exploded with happiness and exclaimed, "Yay!" And ran back and hugged her mother once more, no longer caring about the wrinkles in her dress. She had wanted to bake cookies with her mother for so long, just as she did with Mommy. "Thanks Mom!" she said before letting her go and rushed upstairs, she couldn't wait to get started.

Beca stood in the kitchen by herself. And for the first time in a long time her smile reflected sincerity and hope. "I hope you're watching Chlo…"

Author's note: Writing this took a lot out of me. If you made it this far, I want you to know just how grateful I am. I hope you liked it.