"Shh, it's okay, dear." Caroline said, sitting down on the step beside her daughter. "I know."
Whenever her six year old daughter was upset, she always ended up in the same spot: the top step of the stairs, right outside her bedroom. At least it was always easy to find her, Caroline mused.
May, who had been crying silently up until that point, turned away from her mother.
"But it's... it's my birthday..." She sniffled, unable to get her words out properly through the sharp intakes of breath.
Caroline gently placed a hand on the young girl's shoulder, turning her around to face her. Tears were streaming down her face.
"I know it's hard, but you know how it is." She said, wiping away the tears on her daughter's cheeks with a napkin before they could spill onto her dress. "When there's a challenger in the gym, your father can't just ignore them."
"It's not fair!" May wailed. "I want dad!"
...
"How come you didn't tell me?"
May rubbed her eyes. She hadn't realised she'd been staring directly into the fire, deep in thought.
"Tell you what?" She asked, already knowing the answer.
"About your dad."
She had been waiting for this question.
She'd only known Ash Ketchum for less than a week, but it was already clear that the boy was borderline obsessed with Pokémon; more so than her brother, and certainly more than her dad.
She glanced over at Max's sleeping frame, and smiled. This was his first night out here in the wild, but he was so exhausted from all the walking that he'd fallen asleep straight away. That left Ash and May sitting around the campfire, in a strangely awkward silence for the first time since their journey together had begun.
Their first week together had been filled with nonstop talking, questions, and most importantly; stories. But May hadn't shared anything with Ash. He'd talked and talked about his adventures in Kanto and Johto, but every time he'd asked her about her home life, she'd shaken the question off and asked him something else about his adventures.
So, does Pallet Town have a famous dish?
What was the coolest place you've ever been to?
How did you and Pikachu meet, anyway?
Now, she had no choice but to brace herself.
"Most people would be bragging about it, if their parents were gym leaders." He continued.
She sighed, absentmindedly rubbing her calves while appreciating the campfire's heat.
Ash, worried about making his new friend uncomfortable, opened his mouth to change the subject, but was cut off.
"I didn't want you to see me differently." She admitted quietly, being careful not to wake Max up.
Ash blinked.
"Whaddaya mean?"
May looked up at the night sky, mainly to avoid looking at him.
"I thought that maybe if you knew my dad was a gym leader, you'd react like everyone else does." She murmured, feeling embarrassed now that she was saying it out loud. "Whenever someone at school found out my dad was a gym leader, they'd go crazy telling me how lucky I am."
Ash tilted his head slightly, listening.
She sighed, hugging her knees up to her chest. She was beginning to feel the chill in the air, so she inched closer to the fire.
"Don't get me wrong: I love my dad! I just… never got to spend much time with him growing up." She explained, looking away from him as quickly as she could.
Ash glanced over to the younger boy. Being an only child, he couldn't even really imagine what it was like having a younger sibling.
"At least you had your brother, right?"
May guffawed.
"That just made things worse!" She exclaimed. "As soon as Max was old enough to be interested in Pokémon and battling, they started spending loads of time together."
"Huh." he mumbled, crossing and uncrossing his legs. "Is that why you've never really liked Pokémon?"
He'd noticed?
"Uh… I guess so."
He nodded, and seemed to be considering something. She caught his eye, and they smiled at one another.
"That must have been hard." Ash said finally.
"No one ever understands. But it's so cool. You're so lucky! Don't you get to watch him battle everyday?!" She sighed. "But they didn't get it. Their dads always made it to their school plays and recitals. Their dads didn't have to leave in the middle of their birthday parties to go battle some stranger. They got to eat breakfast and dinner with their dads, because they weren't catching up on greenhouse maintenance or having meetings with the League…"
She'd never told anyone that before.
"We weren't even allowed to watch him battle, in case we disrupted the match or something."
May stole a glance at the trainer and his partner Pokémon, and both appeared to be in thought. Ash's head dropped forward slightly, and he nodded slowly.
"I get it." Ash said softly, cutting through the noise in her mind.
"You… do?"
"Sure." Ash said. Pikachu nuzzled his hand, understandingly. "My dad wasn't around for any of those things either."
"Really?"
He caught her eye and nodded.
"I don't really remember much about him." He explained. "But my mom still talks about him sometimes."
May suddenly felt immensely guilty. Here she was complaining about her dad being busy, and Ash's dad wasn't even here anymore.
"My dad started a new journey when I was four." Ash explained, sensing the girl's unwillingness to ask. "He never made it back. We think he might have got into an accident or something."
"That's terrible…"
Ash nodded; a faint smile of acknowledgement on his lips.
"I'm so sorry, Ash." She whispered, not wanting to look at him. "I didn't know."
"You didn't do anything wrong."
She put her head in her hands, and Ash frowned. She rubbed her face and looked back up at him with an embarrassed smile.
Her eyes were glistening a little; tears were threatening to flow.
"Here I am complaining about my dad being too busy to see me, and I should be grateful I even have him around at all!"
Ash shook his head.
"You don't have to worry, May."
Max stirred behind her, catching their attention.
Wordlessly, the two ten year olds shuffled over to the other side of the fire, hoping that they could prevent their conversation from disrupting the younger boy's sleep.
"Thankfully, it never put me off of going on my own journey."
May was already able to read him. Despite his gentle smile, she couldn't help but notice him unconsciously tightening his fist.
"but if I ever have any kids, I won't put them through that."
May nodded; she couldn't even imagine the heartache that her new travel companion had been through.
"What do you want to be when you're older? A gym leader or something?"
He chuckled, and his fist loosened up. He placed his hands on his thighs, for added effect.
"I'm gonna be a Pokémon Master." Ash said proudly. "Ain't that right, buddy?"
He waited for Pikachu's response, but nothing came. He breathed out a contented chuckle and petted the Pokémon, who was now sleeping soundly in his lap.
She wanted to reach out and pet him, but waited for Ash's permission. He nodded, and she leaned in and stroked the Pokémon's soft fur. The mouse cooed quietly in response.
"I don't know what that is…" She said softly. "But I bet you'll be a good dad someday."
As she leaned back and looked at him once again, she noticed his eyes glimmering in the dwindling fire light.
"You think so?"
"As long as you can give as much time to your kids as you do your Pikachu, you'll do great."
"Thanks, May." He said, grinning. "I'll do that."
She smiled and yawned, placing her elbows on her knees and resting her chin in her palms.
He'd never really thought about being a father one day, but the idea definitely appealed to him, especially now.
It was only until the end of last week that Ash had been the youngest of the group, and he'd gotten used to it. He was used to having Brock and Misty around to advise, support, or - dare he even think it without getting another swift whack on the head from Misty - chastise him.
May was only marginally younger than him - he had just turned 12 and her 11th birthday was right around the corner - but she was certainly inexperienced. Since having her around, he'd quickly become aware of the risks of travelling with a new trainer. He was responsible for her, in the same way Brock and Misty had been responsible for him.
It wasn't exactly a written rule - May would have been out by herself anyway if she hadn't met Ash - but he felt responsible all the same. Telling May the story of how him and Pikachu became friends just the other night had really brought home just how dangerous being alone as a new trainer could be. Sure, travelling alone was a learning experience, but where would Ash be now without Brock and Misty?
Suddenly, he had a new appreciation for his old friends.
Besides, as much as he missed them, building a friendship with someone who was just starting out was a blessing in itself. He was getting to live through May's new experiences vicariously, and seeing the wonder and excitement on her face at every new sight and story was an unexpected thrill.
It was daunting, though, especially now that May's younger brother had joined them. Norman and Caroline had clearly deemed him as responsible enough to take care of them both, but the thought that he had sole responsibility over keeping them out of danger secretly terrified him.
He sighed, suddenly feeling exhausted.
Maybe this is kind of what fatherhood would be like; exhausting, exhilarating and terrifying all rolled into one.
No wonder dad left, he laughed to himself.
His moment of contemplation passed when he noticed her head slump a little further towards her knees momentarily, before she jolted upright.
"We should head to sleep." He said, mirroring her yawn. "We've got a busy day ahead of us."
"Guess you're right." She acknowledged, mildly disappointed that they couldn't talk for longer.
Quietly, they rolled out their sleeping mats and bags, illuminated only by the quickly diminishing campfire. Having flawlessly prepared his bed for the night in under a minute, Ash chuckled as he watched the girl still struggling with the zippers on her sleeping bag. When she was finally inside, she heaved a comedic sigh before catching his eye again and smiling to herself, mildly embarrassed.
She laid down and rolled over towards Max, getting herself comfy.
A moment passed in silence, and Ash remained sitting there. Just like every other night this week, he made sure to wait until May was settled before trying to sleep himself.
"Are you warm enough?" Ash asked.
"Mm-hmm." She said in a muffled voice, snuggling up to her makeshift pillow. "I'm nice and toasty."
He nodded in acknowledgement and patted Pikachu's side, signalling that it was finally time to sleep.
"Just let me know." He yawned, turning away from her and pulling Pikachu close. "I can put more wood on the fire, if you want."
She knew he couldn't see her, but she smiled warmly anyway.
"Thanks, Ash."
It had only been a week, but she had a lot to thank him for already. She didn't know where to start. Her plans to travel across the region by bike had been thwarted - no thanks to him - but she'd ended up with something much better. She had a friend. Someone she could talk to. Someone who could finally guide her through this confusing world. Someone who could help her feel safe, out here in the wilderness.
"Goodnight, Ash. Goodnight, Pikachu."
"Night, May."
"Pika…"
There would be plenty of opportunities to say thank you in the future, she hoped, and plenty more opportunities to talk until late.
Surely, then, she wouldn't ever have to feel lonely again.
AN: I hope you enjoyed this little snippet of the early days in their adventures together.
In 'A Moment Apart' (my upcoming fic), the two of them have a long journey ahead of them - emotionally. While the centre of the story (i.e. the present day) will be set during their early twenties, the bulk of the story is actually set within flashbacks from their adventures in Kanto, Sinnoh, and all the rest of that time between. It isn't at all linear, and it might get a little confusing, but bear with me! Hopefully by the end it all starts to make sense. This story has been in the works for a long time, and while it is still in complete disarray, I think I'm finally making good progress with it. I'm excited to share it with you all!
I felt like I needed to write this short prologue to give some background to Ash and May's character flaws. I've always felt that May's dependence and Ash's overprotectiveness are completely central to their relationship, and I wanted to show that this started right from the beginning of their adventures. I'd always considered these traits huge positives for their relationship, and it's something which has always kept me hooked on advanceshipping. They need each other, so they're meant for each other, right?
Over the years though, I've grown up, gained my own relationship experiences, and realised something; ultimately, it spells trouble.
It's a power imbalance, and this power imbalance has never not been an intrinsic part of who they are when they're together. It shaped their relationship in the early days as they settled into their roles as mentor and student, and May's difficulty to grow around him ultimately forced them apart in the end. It actually suffocated them both, in a way, and it's actually tragic as hell?
Throw romance into the mix, and you've got *real* trouble. What happens when the lines between friendship and romance begin to break down? Will they ever break free from these roles, will they be forced to accept them, or will they have to remain apart? I guess you'll have to see, in my next story lol
Anyway, thank you so much for reading! I apologise if the formatting is a little iffy - I'm still getting to grips with the ao3 layout. Feel free to leave a comment and tell me what you think!
I really appreciate you all, and I hope you'll consider following along on this journey with me.