:: CHAPTER 12: WHAT THE HEART WANTS ::
After wrangling him outside the restaurant and into a cab, Puck finds himself taking an extremely drunk and pissed off Finn back to the bar, figuring this would be the safest place to hide out for a while (and if needed, drown a few more sorrows – for free, of course).
Finn sits on the floor up against the base of the bar, elbows propped atop his bent knees, head in hands clutching at his hair while Puck cracks open a fine looking bottle of top tier aged scotch. (Finn'll probably be pissed about this later when they're sober but it's a chance he's willing to take.)
"Shit. Ice machine's not hooked up yet, huh? Shame. Guess neat works as well as rocks." He passes a tumbler of the amber single malt beverage to his brooding buddy and joins him on the floor, perching himself on an adjacent unopened wooden crate.
"Why'd you stop me Puck. You shoulda let me beat the shit outta that little prick. He deserves it."
"I know. Wouldn't've helped anything, though – in fact, it woulda just made things worse." After savoring a swig of scotch, he sucks a breath of air through his teeth, then his face crumples. "Jesus, the fuck's wrong with the world that I am being the responsible one out of the two of us?"
Finn releases a humorless laugh as a tear slides down his cheek.
"I've lost her, man. That douchebag won. And after tomorrow she'll be gone... for good."
"Finn, dude... look, you know it's not too late—"
"It is, Puck. It's waaay too late... and it's my own fault. I should've told her in the closet."
"S'cuse me?"
"Y'know, the one you put us in."
"Oh.. that. Damn brother... I knew you had it bad, I guess I didn't realize just how bad – or for just how long."
"Last night I dreamt that I told her while we were still in there. We ended up engaged on prom night and married in the park under our tree right after graduation. She won her Tony then we took a train to a quiet little country cowtown somewhere out west and raised our three kids – two boys and a girl – in a yellow house with a big yard and a rose garden and a white picket fence. We had a dog named Nicky and a cat named Sadie Sadie and lived happily ever after."
"Sadie Sadie? You stuttering now, or is that like Duran Duran, or Talk Talk?"
"The married lady."
"Uhhh, I think you're cut off man. Nuff booze for you tonight."
"Nah man.. y'know, Sadie Sadie the married lady... It's from Funny Girl."
"Oh, right. Sounds... totally pussy whipped. Just the fact you even know Funny Girl so well earns you your Vagina Squad Merit Badge."
"Yep."
"It's a good dream, bro. And hey, you can still have it you know, you just gotta–"
"Don't, Puck. Please for the love of god, don't say it. I would give anything to never hear those words again. Because if I tell her now, then she'll look at me with eyes full of stars and break off her engagement, and he'll ruin my business, and she'll do whatever she can to make him stop, so he'll manipulate her into coming back and she'll sacrifice herself and go back to him to save me. Because that's what she does. And he'll still win and she'll still be gone and I'll still be heartbroken."
Puck nods in silence.
Finn bangs his head back against the base of the bar a few times, finishes his scotch and throws the empty tumbler into the nearest wall, shattering it to oblivion.
"So... shots then?" Puck asks as he gets up to grab a broom.
"No. You're right, I'm cut off. Gotta be sobered up for tomorrow anyway. Can't fucking wait. Shots after."
...FRFRF...
"I want to know what happened with you, Finn and Noah tonight."
"Nothing at all, darling. You worry far too much for your own good."
"No, no, Jesse, this isn't a case of me being overly worried. I know Finn. It's not like him to show up in the state he was in tonight, but he really needs to be pushed to the edge to want to actually engage in a physical altercation with anyone. You two don't like each other; you've both made that abundantly clear. There was absolutely no reason for you to even be talking at all. So what did you say to him that upset him so badly?"
"Sweet pea, I promise, I didn't say anything that wasn't true... I think he's just unhappy that we're leaving for Paris tomorrow, and maybe those unrequited feelings of his are tripping him up a bit too, so he's taking it out on me."
"Stop saying he has unrequited feelings for me! And no, Paris can't be it either; he knew about Paris already. I told him when my daddies gave us their gift. It wasn't our honeymoon plans that had him ready to throw punches tonight. You said something to anger him, Jesse, I know you did, so what was it?"
"Rachel, my sweet, for all my superior intellect I honestly cannot proclaim to know the inner workings of one Finn Hudson's brain. How can you be so sure he wasn't upset about something else and merely lashing out at me without cause? Finn has a lot of things going on in his own life, maybe he just targeted me. I truthfully don't understand where your allegiance lies sometimes. Whatever his issues, I'm sure he'll be just fine in the morning and you'll see that for yourself tomorrow. So. Enough talk about Mr. Hudson for tonight. Tomorrow's our big day. You need your beauty rest and so do I. The show must go on after all, right?"
"Jesse, why did you propose to me?"
"What? Wherever is that random inquiry coming from, Rachel?"
"Just answer please."
"Because you're a shining star and the two of us are an amazing alchemy together. You are the Rodgers to my Hammerstein."
"And because you love me, right?"
"Darling, of course I do. Where's this coming from? Have you got a touch of pre-wedding jitters? Because it's perfectly normal if you do, but my sweet, you have absolutely nothing to fear; I promise I won't leave you at the altar like in those nauseating movies – which perhaps you've watched a few too many of recently. Now where's that million dollar smile?"
As Jesse sets his overnight bag at the door of their condo about to depart for the night, Rachel reluctantly beams a smile to her fiancé and he pulls her into a tight embrace.
"That's my girl. So I'll bid you adieu for now, alas, parting is such sweet sorrow that I shall say goodnight till it be morrow... and I'll be the devastatingly handsome guy in custom Armani waiting at the Chuppah for you. I'll call you from my hotel room when I get settled in tonight. Rest well, my love."
He kisses her deeply but briefly, then floats out the door, but not before winking and saying "Break a leg."
...FRFRF...
The moment Jesse was gone, Rachel immediately reached for her phone to call Finn. "Hey you've reached me. If you don't know who I am by the sound of my voice then you should probably hang up. And if you're my best friend, I'll call you right back in a few." Voicemail, just great. She dialed again, and it again rang directly to voicemail. And again. And again and again and again.
She debated going to his apartment but considering his drunken state, her sultry hot Finn dreams and their recent history of making out, she decided against it. Not that she'd be opposed to another makeout session with Finn, it just... wouldn't be right considering the circumstances.
She knew Noah left the restaurant with him, so that was her next call.
— "Well if it isn't my favorite little Jew Babe. Sorry hun, the Puckmeister's off the market now. Too late to come crawling back for a last minute booty call. Unless it's some emergency and you really need one, then–"
"Noah, you're not even a little bit funny. Are you still with Finn? What happened to him tonight, is he alright?"
— "Finn? Finn Hudson? Kinda tall, clumsy guy, goofy hair, usually has a gassy baby look on his face, right?"
"I really don't have the patience for this. And you're a fine one to talk about goofy hair while sitting in your glass house."
— "Glass house? Babe I live in a 4th floor walk up made of brick."
"Oh my god... Nevermind! Look, I'm worried sick about him, Noah. He's not answering his phone. Where is he? Is everything okay?"
— "Don't get your panties in a pretzel, Berry. He's fine, at home in his bed. I tucked him in myself safe and sound. He's sleeping it off. He'll be fresh as a daisy by tomorrow so don't worry."
"Well that's a relief... but, Noah, please tell me what happened tonight? Why did he want to fight Jesse?"
— "Sorry half-pint, 'fraid I gotta invoke the bro code there. You wanna know that answer you're gonna have to ask the Finnster yourself. Or your douche of a fiancé."
"Language please Noah! Anyway... I tried that already. Jesse was evasive and I just know he said something to upset Finn but he wouldn't tell me anything."
— "Yeah, well.. Finn was already in pretty sad shape before then anyway."
"Why? Did something else happen? Is it Santana, or the bar, did anything happen with his family?"
— "Oh fuck all, Berry are you really THAT fucking dense? Because I know you well enough to know that you're NOT, so why are you pretending to be so stupid?"
"Noah Isaiah Puckerman! How dare you speak to me that way! I can't imagine what you're talking about or what possible justification you have for speaking to me like–"
— "Okay, look we're down to the wire now so to hell with the niceties. Tell me you don't love Finn.
"What? Of course I do, he's my best friend!"
— "No, that's not what I mean and you KNOW it. I'm being so serious right now. Tell me you're not head over heels ga-ga-goo-goo insanely hot for Finn. Tell me you don't wish it was HIM meeting you at the end of that aisle tomorrow. I dare you. Because I know you are, and everyone knows you are, so why the fuck are you still lying to yourself and going through with this damn wedding to that snobby bag of limp dicks anyway?"
"Wha-what are you... I don't... th-that's just, I mean... Why, did Finn say something to you?"
— "Oh for the love of Moses woman! I DATED you, for almost a year, remember? And I've known you for as long as you've known Finn – longer actually. You can lie to yourself all you want but you can't lie to me, Rachel. I know how you've always felt about him. You didn't hide it in high school as well as you thought you did. And St Jackass is a piss-poor Finn substitute. Maybe if Finn actually went through with his wedding plans I'd understand at least a little bit why you're still with this walking hemorrhoid, but he didn't. He's a free agent again. So what is your problem, what the hell are you waiting for?"
"I seriously do not understand where these allegations are coming from on the NIGHT BEFORE MY WEDDING Noah! Why are you saying these things to me?"
— "Because you are making a HUGE mistake right now Rachel. I know it, and I'm pretty sure YOU know it too. Somewhere deep in your soul, you know that St Jerkoff is NOT the one you really want. I haven't got a clue why you've stayed with him for so long or let it get to this point, but come on, babe. Enough's enough. You can't marry that asshole."
"And just why not? Why are you so sure Jesse's not the one for me? What would you even know about it anyway? You barely know Jesse!"
— "Because he's not your soulmate. We BOTH know that role was already filled a looong time ago, long before that douche showed up. And I know you, I know how important those connections are to you. I've just never known you to live in so much denial before. And Finn may be too good of a guy to push the matter with you any further, but I'm not. I got no skin in this game – well, except for the part where I'll be the one picking up his busted pieces afterwards. Fuck, I already did it earlier tonight. Literally."
"What does that even mean? Why are you talking in riddles to me?"
— "Look Boo-Berry, I can only tell you this: you're planning to marry an asshole. He is not a nice guy Rachel, he's a scumbag. And that's coming from ME – I happen to know a thing or two about scumbags. There's just things you don't know, okay? Things I'm not in a position to share, but if you knew what I did, I PROMISE, you wouldn't even wanna be in the same city as that piece of shit, let alone the same bed!"
"I still don't understand. Why have you waited until now to say all of this? And if these things are so detrimental to Jesse's character then why aren't you just telling me specifically what you know?"
— "Hey I just learned some of this shit myself. You'll just have to trust me that there's good reason why I can't explain everything. But I'm saying it now because by tomorrow it'll be too late. And I know you'll regret going through with this wedding – especially if you had all the facts."
"But I DON'T have all the facts do I? And you're not really saying anything. And you didn't call me, I called you..."
— "Exactly my point, Jessica Jones. Just why did you call me?"
Rachel blinks for a few beats and suddenly the pieces all click into place. "Finn."
Finn, who's been avoiding her for the past week. Finn, who came drunk to her rehearsal dinner and got into an altercation with her fiancé. Finn, who all but begged her not to marry this guy over a month ago. Finn, who put her in a beautiful dress and who makes a public spectacle of himself and tells her how amazing she is all just to boost her confidence, who brings her so much joy and makes her heart bubble and sing with more love and passion than anyone else ever has...
Finn, who is her best friend and whom she's been in love with forever. And suddenly there's a voice in her mind:
'She knows there's someone else. Someone I'm crazy in love with. I, I just couldn't ever find the words or the right time to tell her.'
It's Finn's voice she's hearing, but was that a dream or a memory? It feels too vivid and too real to be a dream. But when did he say that, if he said it at all?
Rachel sinks into her mattress and stares at her wedding gown hanging from the closet door. She can't help but revisit his words during their trip to Kleinfeld's.
'You are a goddess, Rach. You're so, so fucking beautiful. ... You've never, ever been just plain old Rachel; you're so special and beautiful and sexy and gorgeous, just the way you are. You always have been.'
She closes her eyes and tries hard to picture her life five years from now with Jesse, then ten years on, and all she can see is a lonely shell of a life spent on stage. Yes, she may have attained fame and she may have earned herself a Tony or two and maybe even a Grammy by then, but is the emptiness and repetition really worth it? All the cheering crowds and all those accomplishments, yet no sense of being truly loved and nobody to share it all with... is that how things would end up?
Maybe Noah was right. Maybe it's time to stop denying how she feels.
...FRFRF...
Carole lets herself into Finn's apartment and makes her way toward her son's room. Opening the blinds to let the sunlight breathe life into the stuffy dim room, she soothingly calls to him.
"Finn? Finny wake up, it's me. Rise and shine honey, we have a big day ahead."
His eyes feel like they've been glued shut but he manages to crack one lid then the other like eggshells. "Mom? What are you doing here?" He asks as he stretches and pulls a pillow over his head.
She grabs the pillow away from him then smacks him with it. "Get up, son of mine. I'm here to ensure you're awake. I would've preferred to provide you with a wake up phone call, but you haven't been answering."
"Oh shit. Guess I never did turn that ringer back on last night."
Finding his phone on the floor next to his pants and the pocket it must have fallen out of, she tosses it to him while adding, "Or set your alarm either, apparently. Go on then, get in the shower. I'll make you some breakfast."
He scratches the back of his aching head then pouts like a four year old. "Chocolate chip pancakes? With a strawberry and bacon smiley face?"
Carole snorts out a laugh. "If that's what it takes to get you to the church on time, sure."
Church. Shit. He's supposed to be meeting Rachel at her Temple in a few hours so he can marry her off to a low-life asshole and lose her forever.
Maybe he can fake an illness or cough up a lung. Maybe he can slip in the shower and break a bone or get a concussion and get out of this. Maybe–
"MOVE it Finn! Don't make me get the pan of ice water!"
"Hey! This isn't high school anymore mom, you wouldn't dare!"
"Try me."
He sits up and puts up his hands in defeat as Carole makes her way to the kitchen. He decides to check his phone before his shower. Eight missed calls from Rachel. Shit. He considers calling her on the spot, but he knows it's her big day and remembers Jesse's threats from last night, so decides against it. Time to start learning to live life without her... might as well rip off the bandage, right?
Thirty minutes later he's showered and dressed casually in khakis and a plain white v-neck t-shirt.
"Thanks for making breakfast mom. And the coffee too... it's really good." He silently adds almost as good as...
"It's no problem honey. I saw the condition you were in when you and Noah finally strolled into the restaurant last night, and after the slight scene in the hallway I was a little concerned about you today. Do you want to tell me what that was all about?"
"Not really."
"I see. I don't suppose it had anything to do with Rachel, then?"
"Rachel? What about Rachel?"
"Exactly Finn. What about Rachel? You had that poor girl so worried before you finally showed up, and then after you left she was even more of a mess. Don't you care how your actions may have hurt her?"
"Oh god mom, of course I care, but you have NO IDEA what I'm dealing with right now."
"You're right son, I don't. So?"
Finn sighs and proceeds to explain to his mother everything that Jesse said, beginning with their miserable outing at the tux shop and ending with his threats against Finn's business and moving Rachel away to London.
"WOW."
"Now you get it? You would've caused a scene too if you were me – drunk or not."
"Well he can't just get away with underhanded threats like that, Finn. Burt may have just retired and given up his seat in congress, but he still has plenty of connections. Don't you worry about a thing that dirty little bastard said, it'll never happen."
Finn gapes and mocks his mother. "Dirty little bastard? Mom! You kiss your husband with that mouth?"
She slaps him lightly on the back of his head as she clears the empty plates from the table. "Very funny, son. I have a temper too, you know; you didn't get it ALL from your father."
His playful smirk was endearing. "Trust me, I know."
"Well... you need to get yourself together and get ready to head to Temple. What time are you supposed to be there?"
"Um, in like, an hour? But I seriously don't know if I can do this, mom."
"You never told her the truth, Finn. I'm not going to lecture you about it because I know your heart is aching and your mind is set. While I respect your reasoning and sympathize with your plight, you did commit to being there to stand for her. Are you sure you really want to break your best friend's heart today?"
"Of course I don't, mom! But... how can I do this? How can I go watch her marry someone else – anyone else, especially that asshole?"
"Because you love her, Finny. We sometimes have to sacrifice our own wants and needs for the ones we love. So you'll do it for her. And I'll be here for you afterwards. We all will."
...FRFRF...
Rachel arrived at her changing room at the Temple early and was glad to find the room still completely devoid of any chitter-chatter-y bridesmaids for now.
She's not quite ready for the hustle and bustle of the next couple of hours, and more than anything, more than ANYTHING, she hopes to speak to a certain elusive best friend before all the commotion of the day begins. She's exhausted, having spent much of the night tossing and turning and thinking about things all night long.
Something is going on with Jesse. He's been hiding things from her, but she just can't piece together what it is. He had completely dodged her questions about whatever happened with Finn last night, but there's something more than that going on, she's sure of it. If she would've thought about it sooner, maybe she could've asked his assistant Janelle; after all, Janelle seems to know more about Jesse's affairs than Rachel does these days.
And then there's her Finn.
She'd been flipping through the TV channels trying to find something to decompress to last night when she caught the end of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (the Kevin Costner version). Just as her brain was finally calming down, the end credits song came on – that damned Bryan Adams song.
It must've done something to her because she sat up with a sudden jolt as more memories of the night of their party at RPM trickled back to her – or at least she thought they were memories. Pieces of a conversation she's almost one hundred percent certain she'd had with Finn in the limo on the way home.
. . . 'I'd wanted to kiss you for so long but I was afraid you'd think I was being weird.'
. . . 'I never thought you'd actually want to kiss me.'
. . . 'Are you serious Rach? That's all I ever dreamt of.'
. . .'You can kiss me again... if you still want to.'
. . . 'I've always wanted to.'
Had he really said these things to her? Her heart hadn't stopped hammering since this memory came back, and now she feels as if she's caught in a vacuum. She loves him so, so very much that she can't even breathe. This newfound acceptance of NOT denying her feelings anymore is all consuming and eating her alive, and she decides that's probably why she's always pushed her feelings away in the past.
All these years have passed with her believing Finn could never love her back... But now, thinking about how he's always held her in such high regard, how he's always gone above and beyond to assure her happiness, and especially after some of the things people have told her recently – especially what Noah said last night, she feels like she's missed the signs that had been there all along.
She knows Noah was right when he told her she'd already met her soulmate long ago; she just never considered that not only was Finn her platonic best friend soulmate, but he could also be her romantic epic love soulmate as well. She just couldn't ever allow herself to believe it possible before.
At least, not until now.
But NOW is not very prudent timing.
NOW is when she is supposed to walk down the aisle with both her fathers in front of hundreds of guests, many of whom have traveled a very long way to witness her nuptials.
NOW is when she is meant to become Mrs Jesse St James.
But NOW is also when she finally had this awakening and needs to decide what to do about what her heart really wants. She knows what her heart wants, but now she has to find the courage to follow through with it.
She never imagined she'd become THAT bride. You know, the one with cold feet and last minute change of heart, the runaway bride... Rachel Berry has ALWAYS been unwaveringly the one with confidence and self-assuredness in every aspect of her life. Well, except, apparently for this one. She thinks she could just call it all off right now, just leave Temple and not look back.
Then she considers Jesse's family and she's not so sure she can easily muster the courage to do that, to simply walk away from it all in front of all of them. His family is powerful and well connected and there's a certain amount of fear from retribution and the fallout of making such a decision at this late stage, not just personally but professionally as well. It would've been hard enough to do so months ago, but now?
So NOW she really just really needed to speak with Finn. Now she hopes to finally hear him tell her the words she's pretty sure he's been hiding from her for years. To know that if she chose to walk away, he'd be walking with her, comforting her, supporting her. She also sort of needs to know why he hasn't yet put up a fight for her, to find out why he's been so willing to sit back and let her go through with this wedding. Was he afraid of the same things she was?
Mostly she just really needs her best friend.
"Hey Bite-Size. Big day... you ready for this?"
His voice echoing across the room from the doorway tore her from her internal lamentations and nearly made her leap out of her skin. Upon seeing his handsome face she rushed straight into his waiting arms and wrapped herself around his middle.
"Finn! Oh! I'm so glad you're here, I was so worried about you last night... Are you okay?"
He held her tightly in his embrace, never wanting to let her go. Today was going to be SO much harder than he'd ever imagined. He fought against the burn that was starting to build in his eyes, squeezing them shut tight. He pressed a long kiss against her forehead, rubbing his hands up and down her back then painted on his best smile – even if it didn't quite reach his eyes.
"'Course I'm here for you babe, just like I said I would be. And I'm fine, only a minor hangover – the Advil should kick in soon. Sorry about last night. Guess I had a few too many with Puck. We um, we shouldn't even have been drinking before the dinner. Didn't mean to stress you out. So uh... shouldn't you be getting into your dress by now?"
"Well, yes, as soon as the girls get here, because you know, it's not really a one person task."
She was wringing her hands and began pacing nervously around the room. "But I'm not... ah... Finn, I.. I need to talk to you. You and Jesse nearly came to blows last night and he wouldn't say why. So please tell me what he said to upset you."
Finn scrubbed a hand across the back of his neck and sighed. "Rach, it's... it's water under the bridge now. Like I said, I was drunk. I don't even remember what he said now, so let's just forget about all that nonsense and get you ready for your big day." He walked over and brushed the hair from her eyes then traced a finger around the curve of her ear. "You should only be thinking about happy things today. I just want you to be happy."
She gripped onto his arm and made him sit next to her on the small sofa in the room. "No... Finn, it matters. Whatever he said, it matters to me. And it clearly mattered enough last night to you that you wanted to punch him, and I know you wouldn't be that upset for just any reason."
"Well, like I said, I really don't remember... As for me wanting to punch him, well let's be honest – I already gave you my laundry list of reasons that might explain that a while ago. I guess the drink got the better of me. Or the worse, depending how you look at it."
She pursed her lips together examining his eyes for the truth. She's not fully believing his answer but decided that was the lesser important topic to cover right now.
"Whatever. You'll tell me eventually... but that's not the only thing I needed to discuss with you. Um. I've been thinking, and I realized something. Something I was afraid to admit before, but.. maybe I was wrong about some things and... and, well, I think I remembered something. Something very important... Something which changes everything. So I need to ask you a question. It might sound strange, or at least the timing may be sort of late, but did you—"
"Okay Strawberry Shortcake, let's get this party started already. I know there's gotta be some quality top shelf booze hiding around here somewhere, am I right? 'Cause I wants to get my mimosa buzz on."
"Yeah, shake your wedding bells, little mama! I can't wait to see you in that dress!"
Finn and Rachel both turned at that moment to see Santana and Mercedes entering the room, followed by Tina, Britt and Kurt – whose shrill voice cut across the room above everyone else's.
"Finn?! Good Gaga brother dearest! What on earth are you doing in here, and why aren't you dressed yet? You should be in your tux already! Everyone needs to be dressed and ready for my final inspection before the guests begin arriving. We have a million things to do in here – and none of them involve giving you a free show... Now march mister, SHOO! Go get yourself ready!"
Before Finn could object, Kurt was already wrangling him toward the door, spluttering and arguing, meanwhile Rachel was being converged upon, lost in a small sea of bridesmaids all gushing over her hair and makeup plans. Tina was already opening the garment bag and inspecting her wedding dress that hung on the rack. Quinn had also finally arrived with Jesse's twin cousins in tow, both of whom already had their bridesmaids dresses on. Quinn offered Rachel something borrowed in the form of a bracelet, while the twins handed her something blue in the form of a family heirloom sapphire hair pin.
...FRFRF...
As the door slammed in Finn's face, he felt the one in his heart sealing shut as well. This was certainly going to be the worst and hardest day of his life. He pitifully wandered over to the men's changing room where most of the groomsmen were already present. Burt had arrived with Finn's tux bag and managed to pull him aside for a quick check-in.
"Hey. You doing okay there, son?"
"Not really, but I'm trying my best."
"I take it you saw her?"
"Yeah. Just uh, do me a favor and don't let me embarrass her or myself today, okay dad? Keep me away from the booze AND the groom."
Burt nodded and huffed a soft laugh. "I'll do my best. You sure you don't want to have a last minute pow-wow with her, y'know, before this shindig gets going?"
"Well, it seems there won't be any time for that now. The vulturettes have already descended upon her dressing room, and Kurt is apparently in there standing sentry, so..."
"Nuff said. I get it. You've been banned. Hey – I can always go get him out of your way if you need me to create a diversion..."
Finn shook his head defeatedly. "Thanks, but no. She's had time to decide what she wants to do, and it looks like she still wants to go through with this so... I've just gotta swallow it now."
"Alright, son. If you change your mind, just let me know."
...FRFRF...
Seeing all the bridesmaids make their way toward the lobby, Blaine decided it was his only chance to speak to Rachel one last time before the ceremony. He knocked on the large wooden door then cautiously poked his head in.
"Rachel? Hi sweetie, sorry if I'm disturbing you I just – WOW you look amazing! – I just wanted to peek in on you and see how you're doing before the ceremony. Oh my goodness Diva, you're breathtaking."
She smiled sweetly in her immense floor length layered tulle ballgown and ran to Blaine wrapping him in a warm hug. "Thank you Blainey. I'm so happy to see you."
He could tell by the sound of her voice that she was crying, or very close to being in tears. "Rachel, sweetheart what is it?"
"Oh, I'm.. I'm just emotional today, that's all."
"Well sure, every bride is emotional dear, that's perfectly understandable. Are you nervous?"
"Yes... but I'm working on it." She took a deep breath and cleared her throat. "And sir, may I admire you? You look so very dapper!"
"Why thank you... you know Kurt wouldn't have had it any other way!"
"No, he surely wouldn't. Hey um, would you do me a favor Blaine? Would you please keep an eye on Finn for me today?"
"Uhh... okay, but why?"
"Just... promise you'll be there for him, okay? I'm worried about him."
"Honey, are you sure everything's okay? Do you want me to get Finn for you?"
"NO! No, please, I don't want him to um... I just want him to be happy, Blaine."
"Sooo... what, you don't think he is?"
Rachel's fathers suddenly entered the room and interrupted their conversation. "Oh Leroy, look at our Little Star!"
...FRFRF...
Blaine took the appearance of Rachel's dads as his cue to leave, not wanting to intrude on their family moment. He closed the door behind him and headed down the corridor, turning the corner and nearly running face first into Finn.
"Oh, Blaine! Geez, sorry man. Just who I was looking for though. Hey, can I talk to you for a second?"
"Sure Finn, what's up?"
"Listen, I need to ask a favor, and I'm kinda hoping you won't ask any questions about it."
"Ahh. Sure... I think I can do that, but it depends?"
"Can you just.. Just hold onto this for me?" Finn produces a small ivory envelope from his jacket breast pocket and hands it to the shorter man. "Please don't show it to anyone or tell anyone at all about it – especially not Kurt. Just... I need you to give it to Rachel. Not now or anything, just um, hold onto it until the end of the ceremony anyway, unless I ask for it back. But if I don't, then you can give it to her."
Blaine pockets the stationary parcel but looks questioningly at Finn. "Okaaay... so, when should I give it to her then?"
"You'll know when the time comes... that is, unless I take it back first."
"Okay, but what does that even mean—"
"YOU TWO!" Kurt interrupted, clearly in a frenzy. "Sakes alive, I've been looking everywhere for you both! It's time! Now get your handsome fannies out here and get ready to receive the guests, they've already started arriving!" Kurt swatted at his brother and boyfriend while herding them in the direction of the main entryway.
Finn muttered under his breath "guess it's showtime" and mentally told himself youcandothis youcandothis youcandothis.
As he watched Finn walk away, Blaine turned to Kurt and whispered, "Do you wanna take bets on which one of them is gonna make a run for it?"
Kurt's eyes widened. "What do you mean?"
...FRFRF...
"Oh Leroy, look at our Little Star!" Hiram Berry greeted his daughter with wide open arms. "Sweetheart, you are a VISION!" He embraced her carefully so as not to dishevel her in any way.
"Aww, thank you so much Papa... Daddy, you both look so handsome!"
Leroy chuckled and straightened his tie theatrically. "Well of course we do, we're Berry men!"
The family of three shared a laugh until Rachel's face fell just slightly and her eyes misted over once again.
"Baby, what's wrong?" Hiram asked while taking her hand in his.
"Nothing Papa."
"Sweetheart, I know you better than that. You look anxious and distracted, and even perhaps a little bit sad. You are not even wearing your best show smile. Something is bothering you... so tell Papa all about it. We can't have you going out there with worry lines marring your beautiful face."
"Oh, no it's.. it's nothing... Just maybe a little pre-ceremony nerves I suppose."
Leroy asked "Are you sure that's all, pumpkin?"
"Well... actually, can I ask you both a question?"
Hiram's warm eyes met hers. "Certainly... You can ask us anything Rachela, you know that."
"If for any reason I didn't want to go through with this wedding – and I'm not saying that I don't, I'm just asking hypothetically – what would you think about that? Would you hate me?"
"Hate you?" Leroy gasped, "Rachel sweetheart we're your fathers, we could never hate you!"
Hiram smiled softly and squeezed her hand. "Of course we couldn't ever! But rose petal, I think I speak for us both when I say, it's your life, and it's your choice; you certainly have the right to change your mind. It's NEVER too late to change your mind right up until the part where you say I DO... after that it gets a little hairy. But why are you even asking this now honey, are you sure everything is okay? Did you and Jesse have a fight or something?"
"No we didn't fight... I was just... just curious. You know me, just being dramatic I suppose."
Leroy shared a knowing look with his husband and turned back to face his daughter. "Sweetheart if you need anything at all from us, anything at all, we're here for you always. Whatever it is, you just say the word."
"Thank you Daddy, and yes Papa, everything is perfect. Thank you... I love you, both of you, so much!"
Leroy hugged her and pulled Hiram in for a group hug. "And we love you, Star."
This meeting was abruptly adjourned when Kurt appeared telling them all it was time to take their places.
...FRFRF...
As Rachel makes her way down the aisle, her grip on both her fathers seems to be the only thing keeping her rooted to the floor. She's looking into face after unfamiliar face, so many of these people whom Jesse's family had invited to witness their wedding and she simply hates it. Why didn't she object to this huge extravaganza? Finn knew she wouldn't like this large crowd of strangers and he was so right!
Finn. She catches his eye only briefly and he attempts to smile at her, but she can tell it's false. She can see the sadness in his eyes giving him away. If she didn't know any better she would think he was on the verge of tears. They never got to have the conversation she wanted and this all just feels so unfinished.
Then she sees Jesse standing there waiting, looking so handsome, so proud and so hopeful... but she can't help the magnetic pull, almost like an invisible thread is tugging her to glance to the left and find Finn's eyes again. A stark contrast to the man waiting to receive her on the right, Finn's eyes are just so full of despair that it's breaking her heart into a million pieces.
What the hell is she doing? Why is she worrying herself about Finn Hudson right now? This is HER day, her wedding day for god's sake! She's supposed to be gushing at the site of her groom, not fretting over the emotional state of her best friend. Her lifelong very best friend, whom she knows would walk through fire for her, would take a bullet for her... who would NOT cross a line with her just for the sake of protecting their friendship. Who'd be willing to make great personal sacrifices to give her whatever happiness he thinks she wants... and hadn't she made it clear to him that she wanted to marry Jesse, despite his vehement objections? So of course he wouldn't betray her wishes now. He promised to stand for her today, and so here he is... sacrificing his happiness for her own.
She's pulled out of her thoughts by the fact that she's reached the top of the aisle and is feeling her fathers releasing her arms and placing her hand into Jesse's outstretched one.
FOCUS RACHEL. Right. Groom... getting married now. Things to do.
Jesse mouths an 'I love you' to her, but she can't bring herself to say it back so she does her best to smile but the shine doesn't reach her eyes – eyes that just want to pull to the left to find Finn again. She can feel Finn's eyes on her, and fights the urge to turn to him and ask if he's okay, but she's already seen that he clearly isn't.
Honestly, she's pretty sure she isn't either.
As the ceremony begins, Finn feels the knot in his stomach tighten. He can't keep his eyes off Rachel and the weight of knowing he is about to lose her forever to that smug son of a bitch standing opposite her is more than he can bear. Yes, he'd decided to live with his own regrets and yes, he'd resolved to sacrifice his own happiness for hers at any cost, but he now realizes he just cannot bear witness to THIS no matter how hard he tries.
He wanted so desperately to do this for her, but the torment from the vice grip clenching his heart is more painful than he could've ever foreseen. The Rabbi had just called the first reader of the seven blessings to come to the podium and Finn knows he just can't hear blessings on THIS union, he can't watch and he can't listen... he just can't be here for this.
You could hear a pin drop when Finn suddenly steps away from the bridal party and makes his way toward the center aisle. Rachel picks up his movement immediately and spins around to face him. He stops right in front of her but doesn't make eye contact. He can't stand to see the pain in her eyes that he knows he's about to inflict. He leans close enough to take her hand and murmurs only loud enough for her to hear, "I'm so sorry Rach, I just can't." With that he runs back up the aisle and toward the exit.
She calls out to him just once "Finn..?!" but he keeps going without looking back. She's stunned, completely immobilized and trying to process what's happening. She feels Jesse clamp onto her other hand tightly, as if holding her in place.
Rachel's eyes fill with tears and her mouth hangs slack-jawed unsure what to say or do. She's in shock and her heart is splintering into a million pieces, jagged and burning inside her chest. Jesse tugs on her hand in an attempt to gain her attention and calm her, but she's frozen, staring at the door through which Finn had just disappeared.
Blaine suddenly rushes to her side, nodding first to Jesse then leaning into her ear. "Rachel honey, I think you need a minute to regroup. Come with me sweetheart, okay?"
She offers an apologetic face to Jesse as Blaine asks the Rabbi for a few minutes. Her fathers attempt to follow her but she sees Kurt stop them, whispering something she couldn't hear.
Back in her bridal changing room, Blaine sets her on the sofa and takes a seat next to her, wrapping an arm around her and letting her cry into his shoulder. Her sobs are fierce and unrelenting at first and it takes several minutes for her convulsing to slow to occasional hiccuping.
"Why Blaine... why would he walk out on me like this? I don't understand..."
Blaine sighs, now understanding what his purpose is. He reaches inside his jacket breast pocket and pulls out the small envelope. "Rachel, I think I'm supposed to give this to you now."
"Wh-what is it?"
"Well, uhh.. Finn asked me to give this to you. Just before the ceremony started, he asked me to hold onto it. He said I would know when the time was right. Of course, I had no idea what he was talking about, and I certainly had no idea he would leave like this. Then they were calling for us to take our places and there was just no time to get any other information from him. So... anyway. I think you should look at this, and then... then if you want, we'll get you cleaned up and back in there."
Rachel clutched the small envelope with the words "Bite-Size" scratched messily in Finn's handwriting centered on the outside. She took a deep breath and anxiously tore the flap open. Then her heart dropped.
Rach –
If you're reading this now, then it means I failed you. I'm so sorry. I wanted to do this for you because it's what you wanted. And I always thought there was nothing I wouldn't be willing to do for the sake of your happiness... but if making you happy means watching you marry someone else, that's the ONE THING I guess I just can't do.
Please believe me, I never meant to hurt you. That's the last thing in the world I ever wanted. I hope someday you'll forgive me, if you can, but I'll understand if you can't. I am so sorry for ruining your day.
Yours Forever ~ Finn XO
PS - You were so beautiful today – but then, you're beautiful everyday.
"Where is he Blaine?! Did he tell you where he was going, did he say anything else at all?"
"No, like I said, I had no idea he was thinking about leaving... is.. Are you okay Rachel?"
"NO! .. No, I have to find him!"
"But, um, sweetie Jesse is waiting for you out there, with all your friends and family... what do you want me to tell them?"
"Make my apologies Blaine, please? I'll... I'll deal with Jesse later. Right now I have to find Finn. I'm so sorry!"
...FRFRF...
He can't believe he just walked out on her like that. He hoped he'd be stronger, but seeing her looking so beautiful, seeing the look in her eyes as they met his... he knew his heart just couldn't bear it. She would be Mrs Rachel St James by now and he would never have his chance. And in another few hours she'd be gone altogether, an ocean away from him.
There was only one place he felt like going the minute he walked out the Temple, one place that brought him solace, and also closer to her – their special spot in Central Park. Their sprawling oak tree, welcoming him now with its rusty red hues of autumn and long reaching limbs.
It was always their safe haven and the keeper of years worth of their memories together. He traced his fingers over their initials which he'd engraved here many years ago now. That etched spot has risen higher above the ground with the passage of time. He wonders if a day will come when it will be too high up to see at all, too far away out of view... just like Rachel was about to become.
He came here sometimes on his own just to think, and more recently, to remember the times he and Rachel spent here growing up. This place will always remind him of her, and now that he's just lost her for good, it might be the only place he can still cling to her. He hoped she would forgive him eventually, but walking out on your best friend's wedding like that seemed a pretty unforgivable act.
Sitting down on the bank of the pond, he looked across the nearly glassy surface that reflected the puffy white clouds above, until a pair of mallards landed in the water. As he watched their crash landing breaking the water's surface causing ripples and distorting the reflection, he thought that was sort of how his heart felt right then: Shattered and twisted in an unrecognizable blur, a mirror of his broken soul. He'd just lost her and there was no hope of getting her back now, and yet somehow he still feels connected to her.
He just couldn't watch her marry him. Why hadn't he said so sooner? Why hadn't he fought harder for her? He knows this hellish nightmare he finds himself in now was one he'd made for himself, built over half a lifetime of denying his own heart. A million missed opportunities led him to this place and ultimately to the end of their friendship. He'll miss that more than anything.
For all the times she'd cheered him on telling him how brave and special he was... well, seems he failed her there, too. He was a coward, not brave. She was the special one, not him. He surely doesn't even deserve her friendship now, not after all of this.
Maybe it's for the best that she's moving to London. Maybe she'll be happier there, enjoying success on the West End stage and fulfilling her dreams. Maybe the distance will help them both heal and he'd eventually find a way to go on without her in his life. Maybe —
"Why did you walk out on me?"
Her beautiful but broken voice pulls him from his thoughts with a jolt. Turning to find her standing about ten feet behind him, he wipes his eyes and jumps to his feet in an instant. "Rach... What are you doing here?"
"I asked you first. Why did you leave me, Finn Hudson?"
Finn just stares out over the pond, unsure how to answer. The damage is already done, or so he thought, and yet, she's here. Why was she here and not at the reception?
She takes a step toward him, her voice a little less cutting, a little softer. "Blaine gave me your letter. I've been looking for you for nearly an hour. I checked your apartment first, although I knew you wouldn't be there. Then I... I went to the bar. I thought for sure you'd be there, but of course you weren't. And Finn, I... I saw it. I saw the bar sign."
His eyes finally rise up to meet hers and he notes the sadness but also something else that he can't put his finger on. "Oh, you did? Um.. yeah. It was uh, it was just installed early yesterday. I was gonna bring you to see it last night after the rehearsal dinner, you know, all lit up at night. I wanted you to be the first to see it at night, but well, you know how that all ended. So..."
She takes another step toward him. "The Bite-Size Bar and Grille. Finn... did you–"
"Of course I did, Rach. Of course I named it after the person who made it possible for me to even be standing here as a bar owner. Who gave me constant support, encouragement and confidence to get through college – hell, to even GO to college in the first place. The person who helped me study, who'd never let me fail my exams. Who always takes care of me when I'm sick or stressed out. The one person who always makes sure I know I'm worthy and capable of succeeding, who makes me want to be a better person, and who always tells me I CAN even when I think I can't."
She holds her hand to heart and lets out a small sob. "I.. I don't know what to say. It's just too much Finn... Of course I believe in you, and of course you're going to be a great success, but that's not because of me..."
He takes a slow step toward her. "You're wrong, Rachel. It has everything to do with you. Every good thing I've ever achieved, every good memory in my life somehow leads back to you. Starting on a playground with a stubborn little girl telling a sad little boy that she wanted to ride the see-saw with him, just to make him smile. You've cheered me on from day one and I still don't know why. You changed my life Rachel Berry, from that moment forward. And I could never thank you enough for the lifetime of love and friendship you've given me."
"Finn... that's the most touching, humbling thing anyone's ever said or done for me. But I really don't deserve it. The bar, it's your achievement; it's supposed to be your name in lights there, not mine."
"Rach, babe, I don't need my name in lights. But your name sure as hell deserves to be up there, just like it will be one day on Broadway. Until then, let this be my reminder to you, that I believe in you that much, too."
Tears flow freely down her flushed cheeks and he could tell she was searching for words. "If all of that is true, then I really don't understand how you walked away and left me alone today. You know, I was trying to tell you earlier that I remembered something. In the limo, I think, you said you always wanted to kiss me. And later you said you were crazy in love with someone, someone other than Tana... Finn, was that a dream or did you really say those things to me? It was that night after RPM, you said those things, didn't you? You're supposed to be my best friend and yet you walked out on me today. How could you do that?"
He nods and looks at her, his own salty tear tracks visible on his freckled cheeks and a lump so big in his throat he almost can't speak. "Rach... isn't it so obvious yet?"
"Tell me, Finn. I need to hear you say the words."
He closes the space between them in a blur. Reaching out, his long fingers slide tenderly across her cheeks and tangle into her hair, then his mouth crushes down on hers.
The moment his lips meet hers, her tiny hands latch onto his forearms and she melts into the kiss, returning as much passion and need as he gives to her. She lets herself completely surrender to him as a decade worth of unspoken feelings finally pours out into the most singularly perfect kiss of her life.
This was NOT an awkward teen's birthday party kiss or even a drunken spur of the moment kiss; this was transformative and euphoric and she never wanted it to end.
But it does end eventually. He finally pulls back, rests his forehead against hers and breathes out, "THAT'S why, Rachel. Because I'm selfish. I couldn't give you away, not to him, not to anyone. I love you too damned much and I always have."
His hands grip her waist tightly, her fingers still tangle through his hair, unshed tears hanging thick in her long lashes. She gazes at him in awe, rendered speechless, breath briefly stolen from her.
She broke their embrace and stepped back, finally able to take in a sharp breath.
"But... you never said anything before, Finn. How long have you felt this way?"
Finn steps toward her, closes the gap, needing her to stay close. His large hand strokes the hollow of her cheek, his words soft and warm when he speaks. "Ray... When haven't I felt this way? If you mean when did I know how special you were? Maybe it was that day on the playground at the see-saw. Or maybe it was the first time you sang at my father's grave. You held my hand and hugged me and told me he'd always be watching over me, even if I couldn't see him."
She closes her slender fingers over the wrist of his hand that's now pressed against her cheek. "I remember that. We were just kids... not even ten years old."
He nods and continues. "If you mean when did I know you'd be the best friend I'd ever have for the rest of my life? Maybe it was the first time your laugh made me so happy it stole my breath away. But if you mean when exactly did I know I was falling in love with you... well, I would've told you at the time, except, you laughed and said it was like kissing your brother, so..."
A look of astonishment crosses her face as the realization sets in. "Brittany's birthday... You mean, that kiss was real for you?"
He gets lost in her chocolate eyes, letting himself sink deeper and deeper. "Of course it was real for me, Rach. I guess it just wasn't real for you."
Her breath hitches and she reaches both hands up to cup his cheeks. "NO! That's not true Finn, it was! It was so real for me too... I just.. I don't know, I was scared. I'd been feeling things for you for months before then but never imagined you could see me like that or want me that way. Then when Noah called our names, I figured it was just a game, right? So I thought, maybe, if I could never have a real chance with someone like you, at least I could have my first real kiss with you, my best friend... and then you laughed. So I said all that stuff to cover my embarrassment, to hopefully not be rejected or made fun of."
"Rachel WHAT? You really thought I could ever make fun of you, or reject you? Because I never would have done that – hell, I still couldn't. And exactly what does that even mean, you'd never have a chance with someone like me?"
"Oh Finn, come on. You have to know how different we were, even way back then. You were the laid back popular handsome golden boy everyone loved. Girls all threw themselves at you, guys all wanted to be your best buddy. You made friends easily. But me? I was none of those things. I was the ugly duckling, the awkward outcast with big dreams of Broadway and a socially challenging personality. And don't think I don't know, if it weren't for you always protecting me all through school, I'm certain my life would've been miserable. So thank you for that, for protecting me... but how could I think you'd ever want more than friendship with me? I was never in your league. I was never one of those pretty, popular girls. I was just.. Rachel, the annoying theater geek. Finn's tagalong pity friend."
Finn can't even believe what he's hearing. This was how she really always saw herself? He grabs her gently by the shoulders and leans down, his intense amber eyes focused on her red-rimmed ebony ones. "Are you serious Rachel? A pity friend? No, babe... You were always the girl of my dreams, the only girl I ever wanted. That first kiss just kinda locked me in for good. That kiss for me was... like a glimpse into the future. It was magic, yeah, but YOU were always magical to me. And for the record, you were never an ugly duckling. You were – you're still the most beautiful girl I've ever met, and you've only gotten more beautiful to me every day since.
"God, Rachel, I have loved you from the beginning. You're right about one thing – you weren't in my league; you were WORLDS above me. I didn't deserve you. I knew it from the first time I heard you sing. You were destined to be a star, shining brighter than anything else could for the whole world to see. Me? I'm just Finn Hudson, nobody special... but you, you are the light powering the sun, the moon and the stars... How the hell could I ever be worthy of all that?"
She lets out a watery giggle. "Finn, stop.. I'm NOT all of that, I'm just very talented, that's true, but I'm not–"
He kisses her insistently. "Yes. You ARE Rach. To me you are. You always have been."
"I.. I don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything. I'm just so sorry it took me so long to tell you. I thought this," he motions between the two of them, "I thought you only wanted this to remain a friendship. And I was so afraid if I told you the truth we'd lose what we had. That was too much to gamble with. To be honest, I'm still pretty goddamned terrified I haven't just blown it by telling you all of this now."
"Finn, no... you'd never lose me, don't you know that by now? NOTHING could keep me away from you. Not even YOU... I have to confess, I always felt that way too. I could've told you how I felt long ago, but... I've always known our friendship was something special, something so rare, but I was also too afraid to lose you, to lose our closeness." She sniffled and wiped a few tears away then smiled. "You realize this means we both SUCK at communication, here?"
He lets out a loud belly laugh. "Yeah I guess we do. But we're talking about it now." He sighs and wraps his arms around her, enjoying the feel of her in his arms and smoothing lazy circles across her back with his fingertips. "You know, I've waited over eleven years for you to be the one to break the pinkie swear."
With wide eyes she looks up at his face. "You mean THAT's why you never said anything?"
"Well yeah. Pinkie swear is sacred, Rach. I know we didn't have Miss Pinkie Bear with us, but it still counted, didn't it?"
She playfully slaps his arm and giggles. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I said any of that... For the record, I lied, and I really wanted to keep kissing you everyday after that."
"Me too." He just smiles as he gazes into her sparkling ebony eyes. "So... what happens now? I mean, you're standing here in a wedding dress and I don't even know what happened. Now that all of this is out in the open, I really sorta hope you left before the whole I do part?"
She takes his hand and walks over to the bench near the pond and sits them down.
"I walked out on him as soon as you left, right after I read your letter."
He sucks in a breath and runs a hand through his hair. "So Blaine gave that to you, huh?"
"He did. Finn. I was ready to call it all off this morning. That was partly why I wanted to talk to you. I just couldn't do it, I couldn't marry Jesse. And.. I think I knew that all along, but I was afraid. Afraid of the humiliation of canceling the wedding, afraid of hurting him and his family, but mostly, of being alone forever."
"Rach, baby, you would never have been alone. You always have me. No matter what."
"Yes, but... when he proposed, you were still with Santana, and.. and well, Jesse was just there. But deep down I knew I only ever wanted to be with you."
"Tana was just... I don't know, like a distraction for me, I think? I mean, Jesse was back and well... you weren't available. Yeah I cared about her a lot, and I loved her, but not the way I should have to marry her. Not the way I feel about you. If I'd known–"
She pokes him in the arm. "Finn we sucked at communication, remember? No point in the shoulda-coulda-woulda's now, is there?"
He kisses the side of her head. "I guess not."
"Anyway. So... I walked out of the ceremony right after you left and had Blaine make my apologies. Hell, I haven't even talked to him yet – Jesse, that is. You were all that mattered to me at that moment. And when I went looking for you, I knew, I just knew he was never the one. You were right about that. You've always made me feel so special and powerful and beautiful and cared for in a way that, well NOBODY can hold a candle to – definitely not Jesse. I should've never accepted his proposal in the first place."
"God Rach... I'm really relieved to hear that. And I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you today. I tried, y'know? But I'm sure that wasn't easy for you to do, to walk out in the middle of everything."
"It wasn't at first... but as soon as I read your letter it was the easiest decision I'd ever made."
They sat quietly, snuggled together on the bench for a long while watching the ducks, until Rachel broke the silence.
"Finn... why were you so upset last night? Tell me the truth. I mean, I can guess all of THIS played a part, but what exactly happened between you and Jesse at the restaurant? And don't tell me you forgot, I know you weren't that drunk."
Finn sighed. Was Jesse still gonna try to follow through on his threats now that Rachel left him at the altar? He's just enough of a snake that yeah, he'd probably do it now more than ever. So what's there left to lose, why shouldn't he tell Rachel the truth?
"He um, he threatened me, planned to screw things up with the bar, like mess with my safety inspections, my liquor license. Said he could use his family's influence to basically get me shut down."
"Oh my god, Finn are you serious? Why would he do that?"
Finn explains about Jesse's 'surprise' wedding gift and how she wasn't meant to return from their trip to Paris.
"I.. I can't believe he'd... Oh Finn, I'm so sorry you got put in that position. Oh! What if he still tries to do it anyway? Oh god, now that I left, he'll be so angry, he'll surely want reven–"
"Babe, babe calm down. Let him try what he wants. His family may have connections, but so does Burt. I'll fight him if I have to – legally, I mean, so don't freak out. Although, I'd still love to beat him to a pulp, especially for some of the shit he said about you. But just, don't worry about me or the bar. I'll deal with him if and when I have to."
"Wait... What exactly has he said about me, Finn? I still need to speak to him in the aftermath of today, and I'd really appreciate if everyone would quit shielding me from the truth about things. I need all the facts before I confront him. I'm a big girl, I can handle it."
Finn decided there was no more holding back and told her everything. As much as he'd wanted to protect her feelings, he figured she has a right to know. She's right, she needs to be fully informed before she speaks to him.
"I can't believe I was going to marry him."
"You didn't know, babe."
"No I didn't know... but you did, and you were going to let me go through with this wedding."
Shit. Maybe he should've considered how this could turn back around on him. "Rach please don't be mad... I tried to tell you just enough to make you see, to get you to ask questions, to realize what he was really like. Plus, you wouldn't listen to me."
She sighs. "Okay Finn. I'm not mad at you. I know you wanted to protect my feelings because that's how chivalrous you always are... but from now on, no more omitting details. No more hiding truths, even if you think it'll hurt me, I need to know."
"Pinkie swear." He held out his little finger, and she smiled and wrapped hers around it, then they sealed it with a kiss.
After another long beat watching the ducks, and wild giggles as a few passers by congratulate them (given she was still in a wedding dress and he in a tux), he asks her "Do you remember the very first time you sang to me?"
She bursts into giggles at the memory. "Yeah. How can I forget? Your ninth birthday party... and you had a thing for Alanis Morissette – who knew?"
"Sing it for me now, Rach."
"Finn... I've been crying. For hours."
"So? You're still the best singer ever." She kisses him sweetly and he cups her cheek and brushes his index finger along her jawline and gives her that special half smile that makes her putty in his hands. "C'mon babe, the show must go on... Please?"
She huffs and rolls her eyes. "Ugh... fine! But only a little bit, and only 'cause you're so adorable."
You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience
You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend – Best friend with benefits
What took me so long?
You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
And don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it, It's all your fault
"You're so amazing Rachel Barbra Berry. I love you. And I'll love you forever."
"You're more amazing, and I'll love you forever too, Finnegan Christopher Hudson."
He pulls her into his embrace and captures her mouth in a passionate kiss. After several long moments lost in one another, he finally leans back and looks sincerely in her eyes.
"Do you know what we should do?"
Doing her best impression of her eight year old self, she tapped her tiny index finger on her cheek, nose scrunched and face concentrated deep in thought before finally beaming her answer to him. "Elope?"
He smiles a Cheshire cat grin and winks at her. "How'd you guess?"
...FRFRF...
A/N - Only one chapter left!
Song (and Story Title) Credit:
Head Over Feet - Alanis Morissette appeared on her 1995 album Jagged Little Pill (a freakin' insanely incredible album, you should listen to it in its entirety!)